When I met the American Stage Director:

I met her at age 7 I believe. She surprised me; I had never met someone quite like her -so
passionate, commanding, and confident. It shocked me even more that this play director was
me, that this personality was coming from my -up until then- timid, squeaky-voiced, towhead
blonde, obedient self. This play director was born in the cluttered basement in my old house.
Inspired by the stories my parents read to me, she dug through our plastic bins of dress up
clothes and old Halloween costumes, piecing together outfits, props and events into a makeshift
story line. I thrived as an amateur playwright, it was my time to direct, delegate and lead.

I did not hesitate to share my passion with my family and friends. Anyone who knew me when I
was younger probably has had to either sit through and endure a play or has acted in one
since they were thrown into a role by yours truly. The synchronized groans
became almost comfortingly familiar, every time I suggested putting on a play
(which was anytime someone new walked near the vicinity of my house). I pumped
out a play probably once a week. My patient parents sat through numerous
scenes, acts, plays, matinees, and stories, always applauding at the end.

I later learned the hard way that my aspirations were not hidden somewhere in a theater. After a
humiliating episode during a Northwest Children's Theater production of Peter Pan where I ran
onto stage in the wrong costume during a performance, I decided to move on from
acting. But that didn’t bother me, because I realized that this play director
attitude could really be applied anywhere in my life, not just in DIY basement
theaters.

I have always been proud of this stage director. She is my American experience. She is the
culmination of her supportive family, her white privilege, her education, her family’s wealth,
but also her hard work, dedication, drive, and passion. She is smart because of
her access to education, she is curious because her parents spoon-fed her STEM
opportunities, she is ambitious because her supportive family taught her to
dream big and she works hard because of the high expectations she as well as
her family set for her the moment she left the womb. I believe she embodies all
the values of an ideal American: hard work, drive, leadership, passion,
communication, honesty, kindness. I feel most American when she is in charge. I feel
all the hands of my childhood mentors, family, teachers, friends, idols,
experiences on my shoulder, guiding, supporting, cheering me on and applauding me.

She taught me that being American is not about the point when you
achieve your dreams, it’s about all the hard work and struggle you endured to
get there. And when I met the playwright, I felt as though she was someone who
would not stop at anything until her dreams were achieved. I have full
confidence that she embodies the ideals and morals I consider American enough
to reach her lofty goals despite being 5’2”. I know we will work closely as I go
through college, strive for my dream job and beyond.

When I channel the play director, I

am in my element. She shows up during school projects, during band when I was
section leader, during robotics as team lead, in sports where I am the cross country
girls team captain and in soccer, where I was nicknamed “Sargent”.

But something still puzzles me, and

perhaps it’s bugging you too after reading all this. If I can recognize that
when I channel this personality, I, Kate Sousley, can achieve great things, then
why do I refer to the stage director in the second person? Shouldn’t I be
able to accept that I am the stage director, and those are my accomplishments?
Well, the answer may be the most American piece to all of this…like many
American experiences my success has not come without struggle.

My barrier to accepting my awesome

leadership skills is being too afraid to take credit for things society says I should
not be able to do. I traced my problem back to the aspects of my American
experience that were not so supportive of this “headstrong”, “bossy”,
“confused” girl.
One year, my new year's resolution was: be
the same me for everyone…. But in the days after I wrote this goal, I realized
how exhausting that sounded. Defaulting to the expectations of the people and
environment around you sounds easier to me than being yourself. It takes energy,
confidence and bravery to be yourself somewhere you aren’t sure if you’ll be
accepted.

But, see I don’t think I was born with this worry in my head. I think that
although 90% of my childhood friends, family, schooling, and experiences were
supportive of me and the stage director, that last 10% was society telling me I
was wrong. Most of the time it would just confuse me; why was I labeled bossy
when my male counterpart was just called assertive and a good leader? My
moments of doubt when I was the only female in the science classroom, or the
only girl raising my hand, due to the lack of proportionate women to men leaders,
CEOs and role models. Society, media, even sometimes people I knew, pounded an
idea into my head that women should not take on leadership roles, or are not
good at the skills I clearly embodied as a play director. This was very
conflicting for a tweenager to deal with. That is why I thought of the stage
director as a separate entity, something that I could channel in the
appropriate settings, but turn off when I could feel she wasn’t welcome.

The more I thought about it, the

worse I felt. Why should I feel as though I had to hold at arm's length
this personality trait that I was very proud of, just because people weren't
used to a leader that looked like me? America is supposed to be a place
where anyone, regardless of gender, or sexuality, ethnicity or religion can be
themselves, but this inner conflict I dealt with for most of my childhood felt
like the complete opposite of that American promise. Not to mention that other
girls I talked to felt similar feelings of restraint and confusion about their
roles in society and how much of their personality was acceptable to display. One day, after
mulling it over, I decided to try
mixing things up. So, I gave myself permission to take credit for all the
amazing things I've accomplished without thanking some alter-ego. Once I accepted this, it was
like a key clicked
into place.

The stage director demonstrates many

American values like leadership, hard work, drive, passion, communication,
kindness, and now, after this epiphany, I can add confidence and pride to my
repertoire of ideals. After my realization, and acceptance of the fact that
this stage director is not some other personality, she is me, I have been able
to lead a more relaxed, confident, successful, life and strive for my dreams
like a true American without letting anything stop me. I am the stage director
of my own life, and I plan to put on an exceptional show in this grand theater
America has provided me.
 Open a new Microsoft Word document. Type your name and the date at the top of your
document. To help your teacher know from whom the project came, save the file as:

ENG303/ENG304_S2_11_Unit Project
Assignment_Name_FirstInitial_LastName.docx

Example: ENG303/ENG304_ S2_11_Your_Voice_M_Smith.docx

Type your project in the document you

Reflection of my American Experience: or what it means to be American

Define what being an American means to you and how its core values have influenced
your life. 2-4 pages (700-1,300 words)

Worries of the world….

Why if I had a therapist would I know I would apologize for taking up their time? It’s their
job.
Same with my teachers, and my friends when they ask about my problems and I tell
them.
I convince myself that I have everything, why should I be allowed any self pity or
unhappiness when there are so many people who deserve it more than me.
I don’t believe in God, but I know if I did, I would probably apologize for burdening him
with my troubles each night I spoke to him.
All of my relationships, I have been
I always try my hardest

Responsibility

Exhausting
Standards
Family expectations

In middle school people always guessed I was Catholic

She . And though I speak of her in second person, I love those powerful mo