They’re Expecting An

American Jesus.
For a decade Adam Davis believed he was Jesus Christ, and
was placed in a mental health institution against his will. He
was given anti-psychotic medications and left to rot. As time
progressed he wrote down thoughts and feelings of the time
that he spent there. This is a collation of those thoughts
and feelings.

 ‘I’m just a boy, who

lost his way, and
decided a wise
philosopher was the
best way to mask my
pain, others became
nancial bankers.’
fi

 ‘Wisdom is given to
men amply, but what a
man does with his
wisdom makes up his
day’

 ‘My Father asked me

to read the Bible once,
my rst lesson was -
replace the word God
with Love, and ask
yourself, what would
Love do?'
fi

 ‘In the beginning was

love, and love was with
God, and love was
God.’

 ‘He trusts in love, let

love deliver him,
seeing as he delights in
him.’

 ‘I choose to believe
that if something is
un xable you haven’t
had an honest chat
with Love yet.’
fi

 ‘It would be
hypocritical of Love to
not recycle, all beings,
all souls, all matters. It
would be hypocritical
of Love to not be an
accountant also.’

 ‘At the end of all

things the only thing
I’m truly thankful for
is Love and the people
that helped me arrive
to meet him.’

‘Love looked down on

the world and saw that
what he made was
good, and then he
made man…’

‘Heaven spoke once, a

few bought tickets, no
one listened.’

‘Too be damned is just

to be a stagnant pool
of water, and Jesus is a
fountain of life giving
water’

‘I hate life, no scratch

that, I hate what men
do with it.’

‘To give, to receive, to

take, said the serpent.’

‘People hate what they

do not understand.
people love what
makes them
comfortable.’

‘Prostitutes and love

are similar, one just
has a better
reputation.’

‘If God is love, how do

I become God.’

‘A plant stretched forth

its hands ready for love
to reach it, another
plant overshadowed it,
and so, mankind.’

 ‘Love told me I was

beautiful, I told him he
hadn’t seen my wife.’

‘Champions come and

go, people who suffer
go to heaven and ask
God who won the
Super Bowl.’

‘Taxes came to haunt

me once. knocking on
my door, I asked them
who am I paying for,
they told me for the
roads. I told them
where I was going I
didn’t need no roads.’

 ‘My girlfriends
sleeping with my best
friend, I asked her to
please put on a
comfortable T-shirt.’

‘My friend told me the

love of their life
walked out on them. I
told them I too
remember when I
dissapeared.’

‘Everything has a
value to it, but good
value is something
that’s free.’

‘My heart broke for

humanity once, and
then it broke for me
for all eternity.’

‘Light came into the

world, and people
loved darkness more
than light because
their deeds were evil,
love came into the
world, and people
realised darkness
wasn’t so bad after all.’

‘If there is a limit to

love, it no longer
remains in nite.’
fi

‘Comets come and go,

planets move around
the universe like
clockwork, and God
checks his watch now
and then.’

‘Love has an appetite,

but what it desires is
different for each
person, and you can
never be too sure if
you’re heading to hell
for what you craved in
the rst place.’
fi

‘There are three

modes to living,
holiness, passion and
the degradation of all
living organisms.’

‘I loved once, hated

myself for years
afterward, and then I
remembered her
fondly and she
returned again.’

‘Sex and Love are

similar, one usually has
a smaller penis.’

‘I hated the thought of

forever, and then I
remembered that
womenkind existed,
and that I enjoy milk
products.’

 ‘People burn with

desire on earth, and
wonder what hell feels
like.’

‘When I’m dead and

gone, I’ll send you a
picture of Gods face,
he’ll be shocked I
arrived so soon and
that you’re late for
supper.’

‘Hollow, stony, lthy

hearts, and bitumen.’
fi

‘Children are the

reason to live, in the
hope that one day one
of them might actually
be able to change
something.’

‘I’ve been betrayed

before, every second,
every minute and
every hour was pain,
and then I
remembered they were
younger than I was,
and I decided to have
compassion.’

‘Karma is when love

has exhausted all other
avenues, so it takes you
to a shopping centre to
buy you new shoes.’

‘Hatred is love made

passionate,
indifference is the true
pain, I’d rather
someone curse me to
my face than ignore
my very existence.’

‘I hate my ex partner
for what she does to
me, and the I
remembered she too
will die and meet God
one day.’

‘I pray for my ex partner, I

pray she learns power, love,
self control and a sound
mind, that she learns the
difference between fame and
infamy, between patriarchy,
poison and prostitution - the
last three have no difference.’

‘I wanted man to rule

the world, and then I
remembered they
needed to be hugged
at night.’

‘I loved God as much

as I loved mankind,
with about as much
indifference in their
affairs as I could, until
A Current Affair came
on, and because I hate
people being bullied.’

‘I hated God, he told

me I wasn’t angry
enough.’

‘I begged Love for

mercy, he told me to
stay calm, feed my dog
and water my plant,
and then my cat
decided to show me
affection in the
morning.’

‘Love came knocking

on my door once, I
invited them in, I
offered them water
and we spoke about
Jesus.’

‘Bearing a heavy cross

is fun for about ve
minutes, and then
you’ve got to set up the
Christmas tree again.’
fi

 ‘The words of the

Lord are like ne gold
burned in a crucible of
af iction, Zamels is
also open.’
fl

fi
‘The sun came down
on me hard, deserts
were sweeping me like
a dust storm, I
remembered I had no
water left, and then it
rained.’

‘If they love you they

see you, if they hate
you they were looking
behind you.’

‘All glory be to God,

and to the men and
women who died to
meet him.’

‘God trusted no one

except Noah, but even
he received
measurements, a
compass and strict
orders.’

‘Even God was

surprised by what
Adam named the
animals.’

‘Ejaculation and
Ejection are similar
things, one is a higher
rush, the other creates
children of God.’

‘I drew near to God,

he told me to use
Crayola.’

‘I hated God for

making me less than
perfect, and then I
remembered being
one of his sons wasn’t
so bad after all.’

‘God made man in his

image, and then they
decided Halloween
was a good idea.’

‘Star Wars is real, Star

Trek sounds like it
takes a while to get
through.’

‘I was betrayed by
God once, and it felt
like an eternity.’

‘I sat in hospital
patiently, and then I
remembered that a
hospital is made for
hospitality and trees
were made for
treatment.’

‘Bugs Bunny once said

“What’s Up Doc”, it
took me 30 years to
realise he was calmly
eating a carrot.’

‘Children grow up in
villages, they don’t
grow up in schools
with one teacher.’

‘Love said to me once,

I will protect you, and
then I bought a gun.’

‘Love cornered me in
a bar once, I decided
to walk two steps
ahead as to not be
seen with her, love
didn’t return for a
decade after that.’

‘I never wanted to die

a slow painful
miserable death, and
then I realised, I too,
owned a microwave.’

‘She orgasmed, the

Universe smiled, he
orgasmed, the
Universe told him he
needed better
equipment.’

‘Women love men with

good reputations, men
love women with bad
ones. The problem is
bad women ruin good
men’s reputations.’

‘At the end of all

things innocence is
and always will be
more powerful than
sex appeal.’

‘Better to be blind with

an arm missing than
burn in Sheol with a
women you thought
was the one.’

‘Sex is great, but I

hear Gods movie
nights are out of this
world, and God has
plans for Michael J
Fox.’

‘Passion fell in love

with me once, I told
her to wait until we’d
both suffered more.’

‘Better to cry for a

lifetime and then
laugh, then to laugh
for a lifetime and
realise there’s nothing
left to cry about - but
tribulation hasn’t
happened yet, and
Dawsons Creek is still
on rental.’

‘I prayed to Love once,

I told him to put tears
in my eyes for all
eternity, and he agreed
with me, and I left
with shoes a half a size
too small for my feet.’

‘Forest Gump is my
favourite movie, when
Jenny dies and Forest
has tears in his eyes for
the rst time. I’d watch
the sequel but I’d be
afraid to not live up to
someone that
adequate.’
fi

‘Love was on the

earth, and then Robin
Williams died.’

‘If Jesus wants me to

be a child to enter the
kingdom of heaven,
I’ll keep my
tamogotchi, pez
dispenser, whizz zz, a
yo yo and my
neighbours daughter.’
fi

‘My child once asked

me what love was, I
couldn’t say anything I
just sat and listened as
I noticed her pyjamas
were on backwards.’

‘A child is wiser than

an adult, so don’t
name them until they
can name themselves,
Mark Andrews is
good, but Captain
Content gets all the
ladies.’

‘Captain
Feathersword, Dorothy
the Dinosaur.
Humphrey,
Spongebob, Digimon,
Ash Ketchum,
Raphael, Goku,
Gambit and taxes.

‘My hearts a stone, I

asked God what
colour, he told me
black as night, I told
him crystals take a
while to turn emerald
under pressure, and
that his rudeness
wasn’t appreciated in
this private
establishment.’

‘All things are possible

with God, including
suicide, so maybe ask
him for something a
little less permanent,
like a Ferret or
something.’

‘Jesus died on a cross,

took me a long time to
realise he was trying to
hug the children,
possibly
inappropriately.’

‘Living under the

southern cross makes
life so much better,
and the night sky too,
it’s a good reminder
that someone other
than Margaret
Thatcher died for me.’

‘Brazil has a giant

Jesus statue, I’m
wondering if they can
see it from their
windows, and who
cleans his hands.’

‘I tried to write love on

a piece of paper, the
paper asked if I was
planning on putting
any pants on.’

‘Time travellers can

manipulate time, and
men can manipulate
women. both take a
long time to x what
you’ve broken, and
duct tape might not be
the answer.’

fi
‘I loved a woman with
all my heart, she threw
it in the bin and told
me I wasn’t able to
give her the baby she
wanted, I picked up
the baby and said that
was not appropriate.’

‘It took me a long time

to realise that it’s easy
to be the good guy, but
the villain? oh what
pain, what suffering,
what utter discontent,
and the hairstyles are
bougie’

‘Easy to say thank you

to God shallowly every
day, or curse him to his
face and both cry
together, maybe then
you’ll have made an
actual friend.’

‘True enemies and just

men who love each
other too much to let
the other make similar
mistakes, that and,
well, they hate
eachother.’

‘Gods love is this, I

sent my son to teach
you, guide you and die
for you. Just don’t be
involved in the last
one.’

‘They say snakes are

the wisest of creatures,
they have to ask the
ants how their day is
going.’

‘Eagles have a good

vantage point, but Mrs
Rabbit knows all the
towns gossip.’

‘What I could teach a

Christian in a year,
would take a child a
day with some cottees
cordial, dish soap, a
spud gun and a decent
bed time story.'

‘Sex lasts a while, pain

lasts a lifetime,
reincarnation lasts too
long for both.’

‘I cared for my sister

when I was young, and
then I let her marry
whoever she wanted, I
died shortly after.’

‘Staircases help you go

upstairs, but a women
walking down one will
always be a better way
to heaven.’

‘I cursed God once, he

never let me forget it, I
got my vengeance
though by becoming a
better man than he
would have ever
expected, when I got
to heaven I asked him
what was the meaning
of it all, and he just
smiled.’

‘I had a best friend

once, he was my age,
we grew up together,
and then I got older
and made new friends,
until I got so weak that
I had to pass away
from my boredom.’

 ‘God asked me if I was

planning on coming
home soon, I told him
I better teach a few
people a few things
rst, he told me to boil
the kettle and be
patient, I told him I
couldn’t wait that
long.’
fi

‘I went to hurt God

once, he told me all I
had to say was that his
love wasn’t enough,
and that he looks
suspiciously a lot like
Santa.’

‘A certain man had

two sons, one did the
will of the father, the
other didn’t, one was a
prodigal the other
never did anything
wrong, the one who
did no wrong refused
to go in and forgive.’

‘I’m not promoting

sin, I just think the
people need to grow
stronger from
something other than
water, the bible and
the fear of being
eternally separated
from their creator.’

‘Water tastes great, but

I often wonder why
cordial doesn’t fall
from the sky.’

‘If children painted

the sun rise and sun set
the world would laugh
so much they’d have
tears for eternity.’

‘Movies are great, but

being prepared for
action is much wiser,
just pick your favourite
movie star and don’t
choose John Travolta.’

‘Yeah she got up and

left me, said I took no
responsibility and that
I focused too much on
saving the world, so I
died on a cross, paid
for her sins, and well
yeah, she still hasn’t
text me back.’

‘Women age men

faster than a tire gets
old on a car. The right
women can replace
tires.’

‘They called me a wise

philosopher when I
was older, so I decided
next time I wouldn’t
put my name on
anything other than
my social credit
identi cation, and any
other shit they’ve sold
us out to in the future.’
fi

'Lions rest during the

day and go to work at
night, don’t hate
people you don’t
understand, also never
wander alone in the
Serengti.’

‘My ex told me he was

determined to make
her come. I’m still
getting over the pain
of the invitation.’

‘I cheated on my ex,
she never forgave me,
once a cheat always a
cheat, and then I
remembered that
Monopoly, Cluedo,
and Trouble all take a
while to master.’

‘Peace, peace and

other promises during
a time of utter chaos
and war.’

‘Peace is eating
everything on your
mother’s plate and
asking for seconds, it’s
also kissing someone
ugly so your friend can
hit on the attractive
one.’

‘Showers take more

tax on the body than a
good hand and face
wash in the sink ever
could, we’re here to
save water, he’s been
drowning for a while
now.’

‘I loved God, he loved

me, then I met my wife
and I forgot he had a
plan for me, so I asked
him to change me for
the better, and we gave
birth to a daughter.’

 ‘Marriage is for two

people to become one
esh, therefore
whatever you’re
ghting against with
your marital partner is
your own internal war
with yourself, you also
haven’t taken the trash
out in ten days,
Stephen.’
fi
fl

‘I do and I dough are

the opposites of the
musical scale, one
takes a huge risk, the
other is found at
Dunkin donuts.’

 ‘Love said to me once,

why do you ght, I
asked him it depends
on who you think I’m
ghting, he told me
yourself, I told him I’d
probably never know
that answer but I’ve
watched the Matrix.’
fi
fi

‘Shame has two

methods to its
madness, one is to
make you ashamed,
the other is to make
you sit silently on a
porch and play a
guitar perfectly.’

‘Soap is the most

appropriate response
to most situations, that
and forgiveness.’

‘I loved my wife so
much that I wanted to
set her free from me,
and then I realised
other men didn’t treat
her nearly as kindly as
I did, and I actually
value her time and
attention.’

‘People love each other

based on more than
looks but handsome
devils seem to always
win until they reach
the third phase of life.’

‘Let the devils run

amok, I’ve been one
myself, all that
happened was I ran
out of things to say,
work to do and
children to give.’

‘Love has seven

sayings in the English
language that it cares
about, thank you, I
love you, I’m sorry,
forgive me, I trust you,
you are worthy of me,
and please be patient
with my
understanding.’

‘Better to let another

man live your dream
life than to never let
either of you do
anything. who knows,
maybe God will be
more understanding in
the next one, and
you’ll see him again
working at Krispy
Kreme.’

‘I killed a man once

for sleeping with my
wife, he thanked me in
heaven and said he
understood and why
and at least he made it
there.’

‘Seven densities, seven

heavens and seven
ways to ruin a good
story.’

‘I loved her, she was

good to me, she saw
no value in who I was,
so I let her go, years
later she returned with
tears in her eyes
apologising for the way
she behaved, so I
forgave her.’

‘If you do accept them

back make sure it’s
because you both cry
when you look at each
other.’

‘I can’t change what

God has compassion
on, all I know is he has
compassion on
compassionate people,
the elderly, and those
with too many
children.’

‘Compassion is just
passion
communicated.’

‘It’s the end of the day,

and my girl is gone, I
guess I’ll be hobbling
across the nish line in
last place alone, but I
have Penne Pasta to
eat tonight, which is
nice.’

fi
‘Better to have
guarded one friend
like the pupil of my
eye than to teach
thousands of men to
sin in secret.’

‘I’d like to die, I see no

point in life without
charity, and everyones
too busy getting their
f*cking cars xed.’
fi

‘There’s always that one

guy who thinks he’ll get
away with it, but God
watches all of us in
secret. I’ll have a drink
with him at the end of
his life and he can tell
me all the things that
went wrong, and how
much I appreciate our
common bond.’

‘Do not take

vengeance yourself for
God sees everything,
and if you were right it
will be made apparent
in the end, if not, all
the better that you’ve
reach the end of the
matter and still own
your Ferrari.’

‘Give all things up to

God, thank him for all
that you do, but never
forget that the ants
need food this winter
and it takes a human
being to plant a lemon
tree.’

‘He loved my life and

thanked me for it, I
told him I will enjoy
his for much longer in
the next life, and if
he’d ever like his soul
back he can apologise
anytime.’

‘Food is for fools and

people who have
worked hard all day,
neither of those people
should trust Doritos as
a food staple.’

‘The fear of God is

the beginning of
wisdom, but the fear
of Love sounds much
much worse, I can
handle a God that is
mad, but the thought
of him removing his
love for me makes me
sad.’

‘Sure I’ll let them live, I

take responsibility for
what has happened and I
wish them well. If their
intentions are good they
will prosper and therefore
I should be happy for
them, if they are evil it
will rot in their bones until
I rise triumphant from the
ashes of my pain.’

‘I took on the shame

of the world in the
hope to have
compassion on people
who are ashamed,
when I met them all
we cried together, and
then God opened his
doors and we ate Ol El
Paso Burritos.’

‘If I know one thing

about teaching in a
classroom, it is that ice
tea makes a child
behave and helps them
concentrate on
complex algebra
equations that they’ll
never use in the real
world.’

‘Prophets all die

because the worlds
light is not the light
that God shows his
prophets, they also
tried to convince the
world that they didn’t
have to suffer
anymore.’

‘I hated life, I sat

silently and sighed,
and thanked God for
what he had given me,
and then she returned
to me holding Bubble
tea.’

 ‘When all of wisdom is

collated there will be
nothing left to do but
plant trees, build a
shelter, write songs,
raise our children and
thank God we didn’t
die in the great solar
are of 2057.’
fl

‘I’m trying to ask God

for more than just a
stone, he keeps telling
me my stone is
stopping me from
being able to ask
properly, so I keep
throwing them at his
window at night.’

‘I don’t want to move

on with life. I hate
losing people, and I
don’t like the feeling of
having to introduce
myself all over again.’

‘People love what they

can’t have, people
grow cold of what
freely embraces them,
until they grow old
and realise that they
don’t need what they
can’t have, and love
what freely embraces
them.’

‘I love God, but all this

silence bothers me, I’d
appreciate a response
from him now and
then, or I’ll have to call
Pamela to check his
pulse and clear his
airways.’

 ‘Hillsong United are

probably the most
in uential band in the
world, that and
Metallica, I don’t
know what that says
about the world, but,
uh, yeah.’
fl

‘I don’t know if I failed

this life or won it, all I
know is this dark dread
means something, and
I’m seeing a lot of
copper commericals.’

‘Death and taxes are

the opposite of love
and freedom I’d
imagine, but each to
his own, I guess some
people just want to
watch the world burn.’

‘Morning glory is for

people who worked
hard all day, not for
people who were up all
night claiming the
hottest chick at
Contacios.’

‘Being young makes

you attractive, but who
you press your soul
against makes you
usually less, so be
careful who you sleep
with, and your uncle
when he comes over
for dinner.’

‘I love her, I loved her,

I always will. If they
tell me they don’t love
me I walk away until
another opportunity
comes to love them
again. We all feel that
way about someone.’

‘Youth is wasted on the

young, until you’re old
enough to catch an
express train to the
past and teach
yourself not to drink
that much soda.’

‘God isn’t always fair,

for the most part he
seems quite cruel most
of the time, and then I
awoke from a deep
sleep to see that it was
me who was unfair,
and was quite cruel,
most of the time.’

‘Why be worried for, if they

stole your life that’s ne,
you’ll be saved when the
moment is right, just make
sure you pour some water
on the ground for them
occasionally.’

fi
‘Give to God what is
Gods and Caesars
what is Caesars, and
so, pay back.’

‘Love shows
compassion on the
weak, you can suffer in
the middle of
weakness and strength,
that is a worse
suffering than
weakness.’

‘I choose weakness
because the strong
seem very able to
handle and justify
themselves, that and I
can’t be bothered
going to the gym
anymore.’

‘The beginning and

the end are the same, a
woman’s womb, a road
to china, and missiles
whizzing past our
heads in some sort of
holographic simulation
of epic proportions.’

‘Love asked me if I
was ready to die, I told
her not if you’re
willing to accept me
back, she wasn’t.’

‘A fools heart rests on

his left side, a
righteous mans on his
right. Christ Jesus
heart rests directly in
the middle, because
being righteous all the
time is also foolish and
his breastplate is also
gorgeous.’

‘Wisdom is for people

with deep regrets and
death looming ever so
slightly over their head
and heart, and also for
people who need help
buying something
other than Lynx body
spray.’

‘Love asked me if I
was happy, I said no,
he asked me why, I
told him I found
happiness repugnant
without tears in my
eyes.’

‘I’m in a covenant with

God, it gets
uncomfortable at times
but the rewards are
endless.’

‘All my wisdom poured

out on a page, when I
cleaned it all up all
that was left were the
words “love, dummy.”

‘Devils will aim at your

weaknesses and make
them louder than a
drum kit, God shows
your strengths in
whispers and the
occasional trial by re.’
fi

‘Unfortunately men
judge others for what
they do themselves.
Maybe that’s why
being a repentant
sinner feels so good, to
watch the rest of them
burn whilst you’re
calm in the coals.’

‘My soul and my heart

don’t often speak, but
at the exact junction
where they meet I am
insane.’

‘I was wrong I see that

now, I was wrong, but
I’ve heard love holds
no record of that.’

‘I know I’m probably

going to the Great Lake
in the sky. I don’t really
know the reason why
I’m going, but when I
return I’ll do my best to
be there for each and
every person who is
fearful of going to the
place I was sent to, and I
enjoy scaring the
children.’

‘Mankind knows two

things, what it wants
and the way in which
to get it.’

‘I held onto the dog as it

tried to run past me, it
slipped away, I found the
owner, we went to the vet
and I met a girl there, we sat
in the car we drove to nd
the dog, I decided it was
best to look elsewhere, I
passed her the dogs collar
and said “you take the
lead”.

fi
‘Christians hate the
new age, I always tell
them, I don’t really
know why you’re
aiming to go to heaven
then, apparently
dragons, mythril
swords and hover
crafts aren’t fun
anymore.’

‘If you’re ever at a

slushy machine with
red and blue in it, get
both and turn it into
purple, for it’s better to
be one with the galaxy
than to pick sides and
have enemies.’

‘All of my adversaries
are going to hell, for
they never thought to
pray for me, as if it
would never be them
that needed saving
from me.’

‘When my heart is
weighed they’ll nd a
stone and a feather,
the stone is this life,
the feather the next.’
fi

‘Whatever this world

was, I was never a part
of it, nor was I ever
truly invited.’

‘Love looked on the earth

and saw that all of mankind
had turned evil, and their
thoughts in their hearts were
wicked continually, and he
wished he’d never made
them, and decided to
destroy them.’

‘Fire comes from a

source none of us
know, yet it warms us,
enables us to cook
food and have warm
showers. Atheists
believe there is no
God.’

‘Innocence is
everything, I’d rather
be the 144000 with the
lamb than the millions
going with the lion.’

‘Love decided I wasn’t

worthy of life, it was at
that point I realised I
was, so I returned all
of my Blockbuster
VHS’s.’

‘Humanity is a
beautiful thing,
although I haven’t
seen their faces for a
while, they’re hiding in
their Jeep Cherokees.’

‘I’ve disobeyed the Ten

Commandments, I’ve
done the seven deadly
sins, the wages of my
sin was death, I had
nothing left so I
reached out my hands,
and love said let us
reason together.’

‘The wages of sin is

death, and the wallet
usually grows as fat as
your waistline.’

‘I’d rather live my life

in green sleeves
working on the garden
in peace, than wearing
a nice collared shirt in
a court room
defending my
innocence.’

‘I cared about
humanity for an hour
on the news, and then
the commercials came
on.’

‘I do hate life, but only

because I know I
ruined mine so badly.
If it wasn’t for
astrology I’d give up
entirely, it’s the only
way I still know time
has a plan for me.’

‘Yes life is gone and all

hope is lost, yes I’m
being turned to ash on
the ground in front of
all who knew me, but
at least I know what
God looks like, and he
invites me over for
grief counselling from
time to time.’

‘Love is pain and

everyone knows it,
light makes that pain
more comfortable.
Darkness robs you of
both.’

‘People want to
experience love when
they’ve just completed
their grocery list and
invited no-one over for
dinner’

‘Unfortunately some
people have nothing
left to give to society
but the tale of what
not to do.’

‘Love can save all

people from all
suffering, but he would
appreciate a please
and a thank you for his
sons efforts.’

‘Some people run and

run and run from love,
only to realise the
World is a sphere.’

‘I hated Love so much

for what he did to me,
and then I remember
he too has lost
someone he loved.’

‘If Love hasn’t

forgiven you, ask
yourself if you’ve
forgiven him yet, if he
doesn’t reply maybe
think about your
actions.’

‘Love transferred $100

into my bank account,
I told him I was more
interested in his
appreciation and
interest.’

‘Love stretched forth

his hands and was
born, and then he
decided to make a
Reddit, Twitch and
Twitter account so that
he too, could shitpost.’

‘If my eyes weren’t so

valuable I’d give you
them to look through,
if my heart wasn’t so
black I’d try and hide
from this very
existence.’

‘People hate what they

don’t understand, or
have never personally
experienced, people
also hate
telemarketers,
gamblers and people
who ask too many
open ended questions.’

‘Hospitals are torture

sometimes, and then
they feed you, bathe
you and feed you
medications you never
asked for.’

‘If God is Love and

God is a man, I cannot
fathom what the
mother of God must
be, or if he has a good
relationship with her.’

‘Evil came of a
women, and also
forgiveness.’

‘A wise woman is
worth her weight in
gold, a truly wise
woman doesn’t wear
any.’

‘Gold is for a certain

anniversary sure, ne
china is for the rubbish
bin.’

fi
 ‘People say they’re
ne, not realising
they’re collecting ticket
stubs for their parked
cars.’
fi

‘Take me back to the

land of horses, or
better yet, a ying
vehicle that can take
me back to the land of
horses. Because I’d like
to keep my options
open.’

fl
‘Western society is still
the Wild West, people
just wear different
shoes and pants and
the music has
improved.’

‘I don’t know if I’ll

ever recover, but I
choose to believe God
heals the broken,
mentally ill, and those
who’ve seen Ace
Ventura pet detective.’

‘I trusted God with

everything I had. I
guess we’ll see if
making a morning
coffee once in a while
will get me through
the gates.’

‘I do love God, I do,

honestly, I just have no
idea what his email
address is.’

‘When all is said and done

the honest meekness of a
Jehovah Witness, the
worship of a Hillsong
member, the zeal of a
Mormon, the community
spirit of an Anglican and
the humility of a Catholic
when they light a candle is
all religion really needs.’

‘Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. If

he paid for it all he can
have my heart forever.’

‘Sinning is so easy, and

then someone asks you
to pay for dinner.’

‘You can either sit on

your ass watching the
stock market collapse,
or plant a fucking
tree.’

‘Do the children really

need another
children’s playground
with no one in it?’

‘Art classes, emotional

expression, dance and
dance.’

‘God made life to be

enjoyed, and then
people starting asking
for awards.’

‘There’s nothing
wrong with receiving
an applause, if you
can handle the wave
of criticism when your
work fades.’

‘They wanted to crush

my head, I told them
to bring ice and
lemons.’

‘I’d write a book but I

don’t know anyone
who would read it, my
words aren’t my own
anyway, they’re just
borrowed from the
space in between heart
beats.’

‘They called me the

devil, I handed them a
mirror.’

‘Death where is your

sting? I don’t know but
I didn’t appreciate the
vaccinations.’

‘Kick against the

pricks, is there any
better saying in the
world.’

‘Love said hello, I said

hello Peter.’

‘My knowledge is this,

to know the ledge that
I’m standing on with
everything I learn.’

‘Much knowledge
maketh a man mad,
and so does a woman
who has decided she
wants to see other
people.’

 ‘I love God, but my

God does he know
how to take his time
getting to an ending.
And then I awoke and
realised I wasn’t
nishing my own
sentences.’
fi

‘People are serving

sentences all the time,
others are doing jail
time.’

‘I love God, there I

said it, before I die I
want people to know
it. I do love him. He
hurt me, he hurts
everyone, the ones he
doesn’t hurt are the
ones far from him.’

‘Rich people are like

Black Forest cake.
They taste good for
about 2 minutes and
then you realise you’ve
got shit in your teeth.’

‘Better to give every

cent to the well or to
the church, and take
the risk of an
adventure, than spend
your life around the
same furniture.’

‘People are only stuck

in life because the bus
driver still demands his
$2.50.’

‘There is no cost to
living, the cost was a
cross and once that
was paid everything
that had a dollar sign
on it was worth
nothing again.’

‘There is no cost to
living, the value we put
on something creates a
cost, because the men
and women above me
want to make sure I’m
looked after, but more
importantly their
family.’

‘Post traumatic stress

and other cheating
spouses.’

‘I don’t actually know

how to love, I know to
love is to serve, I’ve
always wanted to ght
for my country, I just
don’t like the idea of
these armed forces and
dog tags.’

fi
‘I love my life, I just
wish there wasn’t a
play by play account
of the entire thing.’

‘Women will always be

the answer, women, a
good book and an
actual friend.’

‘If you meet one person

that makes you laugh that
strange laugh that comes
from the chest, hold onto
them more than your own
children, the good news is
you probably won’t have
to get rid of your own
children after all.’

‘Doesn’t matter how

wise, how smart, how
prophetic, without love
I am nothing.’

 ‘Better the disabled

when he receives his
rst taste of Boost
juice, than a rich man
who owns a juice
company.’
fi

‘Everyone needs water,

no one remembers to
add cordial for loves
sake.’

‘I loved you all so

much that I died inside
waiting for you to
meet me where I was,
because honestly I had
no idea how to get to
where you were.’

‘I read in psalms “who

have I in heaven
besides you”. I can’t
stop crying about
that.’

‘An entire church said

it was too busy to
follow me, I turned
around and there you
were.’

‘I was in the blinds

business, who needs
slats when you can
have a beautiful
curtain.’

‘Yes I’m hideous on

the inside, but I choose
to believe God doesn’t
pick favourites.’

‘I reread Genesis,
turns out the snake is
the main character.’

‘I don’t feel so great,

and then I remember
not all of my emotions
are my own.’

‘The guitar is for

people who are
depressed and who
can’t be bothered
changing the world or
impressing anyone
anymore.’

‘A good surf has more

of a cleansing effect on
the body than a
hundred thousand
showers.’

‘I’m trash at most

things, but hand me a
typewriter and a
reason to live.’

‘I spent ten years in a

mental institution, I
met the most sane
people of my entire
life.’

‘If people hate what

they don’t understand,
then I hate myself
more than I should,
and if people love
what makes them
comfortable, then I
enjoy my bed.’

‘Satan asked me to pay

the ransom, I asked
who for, he told me
everyone’s, I begged
him to take me.’

‘I choose to believe
even darkness is light
to God, and that
everyone laughs in the
end. In the meantime
try not to get angry at
him.’

‘There are worship

leaders and then there
is Taya Smith.’

‘Apparently I have
eternal life, I’ve never
been more worried.’

‘Say what you want

about living forever,
but an honest
emotional death is
worth everything in
the end.’

‘If I can still feel love

in this much poverty, I
can’t imagine what
having a human heart
must feel like.’

‘I don’t want to die, I

admit it, I don’t want
to die. My life wasn’t
honest enough.’

‘People want to get

divorced, and then the
stone was rolled away.’

‘I’ve met many

teachers, grief was the
best, the only problem
with grief is it ages the
body. But that’s what
liquor is for.’

‘I could talk all day, I

could also raise my son
and daughter.’

‘Girls love their

fathers, Men love their
mothers. That will
never change until
God retires.’

‘My dad taught me to

read the bible, the rst
lesson was “What
would Love do?”

fi
‘I wish my soul heart
and spirit was as quick
as my understanding
of why those things
are completely broken
within me.’

‘God can restore all

things, remember, he
can restore all things,
anxiety wash away, it is
not my job to love or
to practice self control,
a saved person is saved
forever. I’ll let the Holy
Spirit control me from
now on, they’re a
better pilot.’

‘If there’s a problem in

a marriage there’s a
good chance the “I
do” didn’t come out
properly. Either that or
the gown was white.’

‘Every colour in all of

existence, black and
white at weddings and
funerals.’

‘The race of the

person is not the
problem, the problem
is who’s running their
race.’

'I choose to believe I

was made this way
because it allows me to
see who is worthy of
my time and
attention.’

 ‘Reincarnation,
reincarnation and
nally, truth.’
fi

‘Everything the light

touches, everything,
the light touches.’

‘I’m not a well man, I

have nothing left to
draw upon.’

‘At the end of the day

Jesus Christ paid it all,
my job is to say thank
you and tell others.’

‘Most people haven’t

heard the good news,
because they’re too
busy watching the bad
news’

‘If I could tell the

world anything, it’s to
knock on at least one
persons door every day
telling them that
salvation is here.
Everything else is just
banking and empty
car lots.’

‘I still miss her, I still

love her, I don’t know
why women leave.
maybe I hid too much
of myself under a
bushel, maybe I lit that
bushel on re.’
fi

‘There is no soundness
in my esh, there is
also no love in a rich
old woman.’
fl

‘I seem to be able to
type and type and
type, but then
eventually I have to
look in the mirror
when I brush my
teeth.’

‘Is there a way to hug

myself without looking
like I’m in a straight
jacket? because that
would be more
effective than any hug
someone gives me.’

‘People are ashamed I

get it, but trust me,
everyone has used
shampoo and
everyones been to
Cash Converters.’

‘Better to have worked

with my hands every
day than to have told
another man what to
do with his.’

‘In the future men will

govern themselves,
hierarchy is for people who
think sitting at the top of
something gives you the best
vantage point. A man sitting
on a hill needs to send a
message somehow. A man in
a circle of friends simply
laughs.’

‘I enjoyed my time too

much, and now I must
shrink from death.’

‘Men are men until

they decide other men
aren’t worthy of
them.’

‘Handsome men are

handsome, but they’re
receiving a helping
hand from
somewhere.’

‘Love is self sacri ce,

everything else is just
trying to enjoy
something that will be
taken from you
eventually.’

fi
‘I’m trying to be
wittier, depression just
makes me feel like I’m
sinking into a pile of
darkness. And then I
remember memes exist
and I own a television.’

‘I’ll hold on, I held on

while I was in darkness
for nine years, there
are only 12 hours of
darkness in a day.’

‘I’ve hurt many

people, I can get over
them hurting me
easily, but I know
seeing how many I’ve
hurt is going to hurt
me the most.’

‘Love asked me who’s

in charge around here,
I pointed to the last
born child in the
hospital.’

 ‘Love asked me to
come out with my
hands up, I told her I
had to get changed
rst.’
fi

‘God hates sinners, or

so I thought. I think
what he hates is people
who say they aren’t
one.’

‘I’d rather meet my

wife at the red light
district, all dishevelled
and curled up in a
ball, than seek her on
a mountaintop afraid
of danger.’

‘I’m not telling people

to sin, holiness and self
control are everything
in this life, if you
achieved that in this
day and age, I will
worship at your feet.’

‘I don’t want to be
angry anymore. I don’t
like the feeling of
hatred. but my
boredom is getting the
better of me, and
they’re still selling out
the children.’

‘If God asks me to die

for the sins of the
world I’d be too
terri ed to say yes, and
then I’d remember all
the people who died to
see the day salvation
came.’
fi

‘God so loved the

world that he sent his
only son. He then
made Brooke
Litgerwood a worship
leader to marvel at.’

‘Brian built the

church, Joel raised it.’

‘If I could ask Hillsong

to do anything, it’s
organise a slushy
machine for everyone
upon entry, and give
the left overs to the
homeless.’

‘If I can feel love in

this poverty, what must
The Rocks heart feel
like.’

‘Say what you want,

Bear from Medicine of
the People does a
better Sunday sermon
than any preacher
talking about the same
old tithes and
offerings.’

‘According to
Revelations, the whole
world mourns in the
end.’

‘Love asked me to save

them, I shouted no,
then he showed me a
little girls face.’

‘I believe there is an
end to all wisdom, an
end to all debauchery,
but there is no end to a
man being as honest as
he can with his wife.’

‘Gods a good listener,

but I haven’t received
a hug from God. So
until then I’ll settle for
the most honest
woman in the room.’

‘Truth went spilling

onto a page, when I
looked at the piece of
paper there were holes
in it.’

‘If I could be
anonymous I would
be, or so I thought, I
preferred Aragorn as a
rogue until I saw him
at the front of his
kingdom and army.’

‘I know I’m the most

despised in this
kingdom, I choose to
believe there is others
like me, maybe we can
save the world and
redeem ourselves.’

‘I’ve never loved

someone more than
the person who sees no
value in me. I like the
challenge of becoming
a greater version of
myself and the look of
their face when they
count the cost.’

‘Taxes age the body

worse than a nagging
mother, at least I’d be
able to leave the house
and get something
done.’

‘Funds are supposed to

be for fun. read that
again.’

‘Three strikes you’re

out is the same for
baseball, women and
politics.’

‘A body like an hour

glass is a time bomb,
but you can always
turn it around.’

‘I’m a Leonian man, I

love love and the feeling
of being in it. But people
mistake that for naivety
in my relationships, I try
and explain to them that
emotional intelligence is
what created the
Universe.’

‘People hate talking

about the devil, I
choose to believe
Atreyus dragon was
once in the dark too.’

‘Maybe the devil can’t

be saved, I’d pity him
but I haven’t looked in
the mirror lately.’

‘Lucifers army are just

passionate people who
were never accepted
by a group of people
who decided they
weren’t worth praying
for.’

‘I’ll die for what I did

to her, if I wasn’t slain
by what she did to me
already.’

‘Heaven opened its

doors and said
welcome, and then I
remembered Earth
was a beautiful place
once, and I’d like to
help it stay that way.’

‘New Age beliefs are

like a secret science of
health, wealth,
happiness. And the
most beautiful women
on planet earth. If I
could help Christians
to see that I’d have 2
billion extra workers.’

‘People want to get to

heaven so badly, I’m
just hoping for heaven
on Earth. If we can’t
achieve that I don’t
expect God to do our
laundry.’

‘I take no credit for

anything, rstly I’m
not entirely sure any
of these ideas or words
are mine, and secondly
I have no way of
accepting
transactions.’
fi

‘Love was the word,

sex tried to steal it,
love replied I’ll allow it
for a season.’

‘Innocence is the
greatest word in the
English language. And
no one as a child knew
how to spell or
pronounce it.’

‘I’d worship at the feet

of Christ Jesus, the
only problem is he’s
using me as a foot
stool.’

‘Fruit trees are the

only thing worth
planting, that and
iceberg lettuce.’

‘I loved a girl for a

long time and I still
love her. She’s in my
heart every day, I ask
her how I can be in
her life, she never
responds but I do hear
from her time to time.’

‘The rst Adam

became a living man,
the last Adam a life
giving spirit. I’ll settle
for being a man for
now.’

fi
‘I love an escort, it’s
been the hardest
month of my life when
she nishes work. But
I’ve never felt so much
love, and I’ve never
made so many animal
noises.’
fi

‘A good hat, a good

book, and a white
tshirt.’

‘I like the idea of

being against
everyone, sailing a row
boat into an ancient
jungle to do Gods
dirty work, that’s way
more interesting to me
than a crystal kingdom
in the sky.’

‘I’d write a book but I

can’t handle people
turning pages and the
book nishing.’
fi

‘Beauty fades, so do
awards, and for some
reason they both
attract each other.’

‘And maybe I’m

getting ready to die,
that’s why I’m looking
at my photos all the
time.’

‘Oh well, chin up.

death isn’t an end it’s a
beginning, they say
Jesus was only dead for
three days and alive
for 33 years, and
Scientists say the suns
been burning for 8
billion of them.’

‘Love and Evolution

are the exact opposites
of each other, so are
monkeys and
children.’

 ‘Better Eloise’s Wild

Divine Feminine spray
made with love with a
ower of life painted
on the bottom, from
Pure Heart Alchemy,
than any shit from
Chemist Warehouse.
fl

‘Wear a crystal around

your neck, for your
health and honours
sake, but hide it under
your t-shirt because
the world is still full of
savages.’

‘I can’t wait to see

your faces when they
take off this crown of
thorns off my head, I
also can’t wait to eat
Nando’s again.’

‘I don’t know what

they’ll want in the end,
but what I do know is
that hard work should
weigh more to the
world than an empty
philosopher.’

‘I opened my eyes all

around and saw the
world as a corpse, I
laid down to sleep and
realised I was that
corpse.’

‘I miss her every day,

but I’ve already
promised myself that
there better be tears in
our eyes or it’s not
worth the effort.’

‘Truth hurts and then

heals, living a lie is like
drinking acid.’

‘In the end the

maintenance crew
were the main tenants
crew.’

‘Love hopes all things,

believes all things,
trusts all things, and so
do children until their
hearts are broken.’

‘Okay I’m done now

with Love, she refuses
to call and I have no
phone number to
reach her on, and my
heart doesn’t have wi
signal.’

fi
‘Love asked me if I
needed help, I said yes
always, she sent me a
woman, a guitar and a
subscription to New
Dawn magazine.’

‘I’ve left women

everywhere, I’m like
Voldemort with his
horcruxes waiting for a
child prodigy to save
me from this life I’ve
created.’

‘All I know for certain

is that the soul is
supposed to be warm,
a heart is supposed to
be lled with rewater,
and the brain should
have people inside to
talk to.’
fi

fi
‘All glory be to God,
I’ll just take credit for
which side of the
pillow I chose to sleep
on, although even that
I’m questioning if its
my own choices I’m
making.’

‘I tried to pray to the

Father, I heard
nothing, I decided to
talk to the Mother, my
whole being lifted.’

‘New Age was always

right, or it wouldn’t be
called the New Age,
and then a coven of
witches decided they
were invited also.’

‘I’ve been blood letted

in hospital, I’ve seen
other dimensions also,
I’ve asked a Satanist to
take off his pendant, I
was yelled and
screamed at, he nearly
broke my back, I pray
for him.’

‘I choose to believe
Harry Potter is as real
as any other ctional
place, or my wands
and my spell book
have accounted for
nothing.’

fi
‘Physical reality is a
low density matter,
and so is nding out a
loved one has died.’
fi

‘I choose to believe
David Icke is king, not
because of how much
he has suffered but
how much ridicule a
person can take before
God has mercy on
them.’

‘I’m dreading waking

up, but I suppose I
should, I can’t spend
my whole life in
darkness, and my bed
is becoming a boring
place to rest my head.’

‘I’m not the smartest

or worthiest man on
earth, but if suffering
is worth anything I
must be up there with
the best of the best.’

‘I love Dochie, there I

said it, I love Dochie. I
don’t care who she’s with
or where she’s been. I’m
just realising more and
more that she simply
doesn’t want me, maybe
she was right after all,
maybe love isn’t
enough.’

‘He trusts in Love, let

Love deliver him,
seeing he delights in
him.’

‘The world is made for

giving and charity, the
only problem is the
economy has made us all
too wealthy to care. It’s
impossible for a rich man
to enter the kingdom of
heaven, because he cannot
appreciate what’s going
into his mouth.’

I started writing, love

said “let me help”.

‘They’re all expecting

an American Jesus.’

‘I’ve been to America,

it was lled with
shopping centres, take
out food and petrol
pumps. And then I
went home and saw
the same thing.’
fi

‘I’m being shamed in

front of the entire
nation. Gods
explained everything
to me and I’ll remain
as calm as I can. For I
know every dog has his
day in the sun.’

 ‘I’ll say goodbye to

them now. But I’ll see
them on the
battle eld, and I
suspect providence,
wisdom and utter
erce retribution will
be following close
behind.’
fi
fi

‘Better the tears in my

eyes forever than a sex
session with someone
else’s girlfriend.’

‘Karma has a strange

way of hitting you, in
your thirties, once
Saturn stops to say
hello. And then you
see who comes for a
visit.’

‘Satan is a terrible
terrible teacher, he
makes you feel like
God is responsible for
all of your worries.’

‘I love Hillsong for one

reason, utter mass and
worship. I’m frustrated
at them for one other
reason, I need them to
do something with that
mass.’

‘I love my extended
family, they think I
hate them I don’t. I
just know they lived
cleaner lives than I
did.’

‘She’s gone and I’m

okay. I survived. the
worst part is going to
be not hearing her lion
noises.’

‘I was lled with sin, I

was ashamed. And
then I remembered
Jesus was lled with sin
too, so maybe there’s
still hope.’
fi
fi

‘Hope never makes us

ashamed, neither does
eating salad.’

‘I know if I ever saw

what happened in
those days I’d either
hurt myself or
someone else. But I’d
rather just die and pay
for their debauchery
and hug them at the
end of days.’

‘God has forsaken me,

Love has forsaken me.
I don’t know which
one sounds worse, but
I feel like love has a
chance of returning.’

‘God never called

himself God, he has a
name, he just prefers
his shortened pen
name for those he
hasn’t introduced
himself to yet.’

‘I despised the shame,

Christ despised the
shame. If it’s worthy
of Christ then it is
worthy of me.’

‘We are treated like the

scum of the earth, the
offscouring of the
world to this very day.
And then I remember
unfortunately chicks
love fancy cars, nice
watches and Tommy
Hil ger models.’
fi

‘That’s their name,

please don’t wear it
out.’

‘Easy to build a
reputation based on
your clothes, harder to
erase the reputation of
your heart.’

‘My crown of thorns is

itchy. I don’t have
much else to say about
that, except never
entertain a
psychiatrists point of
view.’

‘Add an essential oil

like lemon, or
peppermint to your
water every day. for
your days sake.’

‘I love crystals,
astrology and green
living. I also love
beautiful women.’

‘Christians are so
bored of their
preachers, I don’t
blame them. They say
the bible is 2000 years
old, that’s a long time
talking about the same
stories, the same sin.’

‘The devil and god are

raging inside of me, a
great album and an
even more terrifying
situation to be in.’

‘When all of this is

done I’m making my
album, you don’t have
to listen to it, but I’m
making it to prove that
I had an idea worthy
of the world.’

‘A book on knowledge
is easy to write
verbatim. But a good
story is the
craftsmanship of the
godly and the love
obsessed.’

‘I’m just praying she

loves me again. I don’t
know of any man who
doesn’t feel that way.’

‘I need to be a better
man than this. And so
do the thousands that
agree with me.’

‘The rst thing that

retreats when you
shave your beard is
your chin.’
fi

‘I can feel the

ungodliness owing
though me sometimes,
and it reminds me that
all sexual favours lead
to misery in the end.’
fl

‘Wait patiently, God is

seeing everything.’

‘Keep your tongue in

your mouth, it feels
better and you won’t die
too early in life. It’s easy
to catch a woman with
words, it’s also easy to
lose a friend who you
consider beneath you.’

‘Esteem and honour

every man above
yourself, if you fail to
do that God will look
away from you on
judgement day.’

‘People think the poor

and lame are beneath
them, but I always
remember how
beautiful the world
feels when a disabled
person walks past me.’

‘I choose to believe God

allows children to speak
simply because without
it the world descends
into an utter ruin of
complete trash and
nonsense, house res,
solar storms, tropical
monsoons, tidal waves
and people mourning in
the streets.’

fi
‘She was the best thing
on earth, because she
dedicated her life to
raising everyone else’s
children.’

‘They told me the son

of man has the power
to forgive sins, and
then I read that I was
a son of man.’

‘Children have the

right to judge others,
children and those
who are attempting to
become one again.’

‘If I can feel this way

in poverty, that’s all I
tell myself. If I can feel
this way in poverty
what must my soul feel
like in the mornings.’

‘I was born in
darkness, during a
balsamic moon. I
didn’t see light until I
was a man. The bane
of Gods existence
apparently.’

‘There is an end to all

quotes, all scriptures,
all prophets. There is
no end to someone
saying I love you if you
don’t respond with
something stupid.’

‘Saddest thing of my
life is her being gone,
the second saddest
part is realising I have
a life to get on with.’

‘I can play music, do

you want me to play? I
don’t know anyone
else’s songs but I enjoy
making things up as I
go along.’

‘Pick up the guitar, let

me say that again, pick
up the guitar.’

‘Hillsong is who I
thank the most, they
saved me when I was
in trouble every day,
they sang to me every
day. And a Jehovah
Witness introduced me
to God.’

‘I see the plan already

and I’m willing to save
her life. I’m just praying
that I see the plan
properly and that God is
willing to save her life
and I’m allowed to keep
her for a few seasons.

‘There are more

quality girls in a
Hillsong conference
hall than an entire
earth of bitter people.’

‘They sang and sang

and sang, God looked
for the girl who was
seated saying nothing
with a single tear in
her eye and said I’ll
take her.’

‘God chooses those

who have gone the
furthest astray because
they’re the strongest
when they walk home
again.’

‘Righteous people
need no repentance.
Neither does singing,
dancing and hugging
your mother.’

She made you, so

make her laugh now
and again to ease the
worry.

‘God that I would

bleed for this world to
turn it around, but
only love has the
power to make that
decision.’

‘The only reason to

die is to see who truly
loves you at your
funeral. The second
reason is the hope of
seeing only those
people again in
heaven.’

‘God ruined my life

because I wasn’t
thankful enough. I was
too busy worrying
about how to save the
world from how
unthankful it had
become.’

‘Okay I’m done,

where’s my guitar and
something hard to
drink.’

‘At some point you just

get up again and say
well fuck it that
happened.’

‘The Christians were

angry, but can you
imagine the athiests
faces.’

‘Well I’ll say goodbye soon, I

don’t have any plans to
come back again. I think I’ll
just do this one act for love
and leave. If you seek me
you won’t nd me, but I’ll
make myself known to those
who diligently seek me in
shame, mourning and
silence.’

fi
‘My kingdom isn’t out
of this world. Earths
too beautiful to let it
be ruined by
foreigners, beer bottles
and TAB touch.’

‘They say their sales

are sky rocketing, last
time I checked rockets
were made for space.’

‘I don’t know how

Christ Jesus does it,
but scaring people into
his arms has its own
rewards.’

‘If Christ died let him

have what he wants, if
the devil deceived him
let him rot until God
loves him again.’

‘They say goodie two

shoes but I’ve never
seen anyone that can’t
afford a pair of
sandals.’

‘If Lucifer is good also,

if he’s trying his best,
then I resort to
expressing my love for
the creator again.’

‘God is Love, he
created light and gave
it to us and said “show
me something”.

‘In the beginning was

Love and Love was
with God and Love
was God, and then
God created Adam
and said “I wonder
what he’ll do next”.

‘People betrayed the

son of man because it
was an easy thing to
do. People love the son
of God because it’s
even easier.’

‘For God sake can someone

just pay for our freaking
sins already.’

‘I am that bread of
life, I’m also found
near duck ponds.’

‘Once people are done

with bread all they
really want is wine.’

‘Wine is good for the

heart and the stomach,
and so is confessing
your deepest desires to
the person you love
and seeing them laugh
and give you a second
chance.’

‘Wine wasn’t made for

gossip, it was made for
the biggest laugh
you’ve ever had and
then waking up in the
morning unsure of
who said the joke.’

‘I love God, but he

hasn’t contacted me in
nine years, I suffered
for him, I want this
world healed, and I’m
wondering if he’ll call
me back.’

‘She’s gone because

the parts of my story
she’s seen aren’t sad
enough for her to see a
point in staying to hear
the rest of it.’

Tears, tears and the bottom

of the ocean.

‘Only fools give away

what’s in their hand,
only fools take away
the little that a man
has.’

‘At the end of the day

I just want to lay down
all my cards and say I
love you.’

‘My heart doesn’t

weigh anything, that
should say something
about lives not lived
giving charitably and
speaking your truth.’

‘Fasting hurts the body,

but so does running
head rst down a
tunnel slide unsure of
how to stop ones feet
from slipping.’
fi

‘They’re all gone and

I’m okay with it. I just
need a guitar and the
hope of someone new.
or maybe someone will
surprise me. either
way tomorrow is an
adventure.’

‘Yesterday was good,

and then I decided I
was hungry.’

‘I just can’t wait to do

gods least desirable
projects, let the
sexually charged have
their fun, I get to save
people from burning
buildings.’

‘Love, it will never do

what you want it to.
but when it nally does
arrive you’ve waited a
long time and you’re
half asleep.’
fi

‘I don’t know what I

did wrong, I just feel
like this wait and
weight on me is
undeserved for how
compassionate I feel
sometimes.’

‘My heart is
desperately sick and
hard to tame, and then
I remember my
PlayStation.’

‘I heard Ian Kenny

once say the biggest
mistakes are forever,
nothing terri ed me
more than the thought
that God does not own
a Delorean.’

fi
‘Gods either asleep or
injustice is something
he has grown used to.’

‘People are always

trying to defend God,
God can defend
himself, it’s Jesus who
needs an army.’

‘I said I’d hurt God for

what he did, yes I said
I’d hurt love for what it
did to me.’

‘What if God was one

of us, just a slob like one
of us, trying to make his
way home. Nobody to
call him on the phone. I
don’t think there’s
anything else the world
needs to hear.’

‘I’m deeply despised,

and so is every good
antihero at the start of
an epic tale.’

‘I think God has now

proven that no one is
safe, not even his
closest relatives.’

‘The plains of Sharon

were a desert, and
then God spoke and
said she will be a ock
of sheep.’

fl
‘Maybe God loves
unrecognised talent,
it’s better than
watching people make
money from theirs.’

‘The more softly they love

you, the more you cry when
they leave.’

‘I can hear Christians

in the audience, but I
can’t feel their tears
yet. So I’ll wait
patiently until my
wisdom is valued
more.’

‘Nails and wood, or

planting a tree in the
morning when no one
is awake yet.’

‘You can own a business,

as long as your chief
desire is to never need to
pay for goods and services
ever again, and that your
customers call you in the
morning gushing that you
exist.’

‘People hate that they

aren’t someone else,
not realising that the
person they’re hating
feels exactly the same
way.’

‘Love is charity in
action, if everyone
gave downwards the
world would be free,
but I hear the
champagne in rst
class is to die for.’
fi

‘It’s called rst class

because it’s for beginners ya
dummies.’

fi
“I feel like such a butt
cheek on a stick”, so
much nuance, not a
single swear word
spoken.’

‘I loved a girl once,

and then I spent the
rest of my life trying to
remember what that
felt like.’

 ‘Love can send you a new

partner sure, just make
sure you’ve grieved every
single tear out of the old
rst. or you’re wasting
your time hunting for
something you should
have been honest about
in the rst place.’
fi
fi

‘People who love

others no matter what
they look like on the
outside are the best
kind of people, but
vanity has a way of
destroying the very
fabric of time and
space.’

‘Women should aim

for what’s beneath
them, and so should a
man.’

‘Aiming for the best all

the time is great, but
the best is the best,
what is there after
that? Usually a bad
reputation.’

‘Sure you’ve made it

and I’m sitting here in
the dark, but a good
plan hatches in the
dark of night and is
well executed in the
morning.’

‘They are envious of

me and want me dead,
but God already
promised to freely give
them all things, so who
was the fool?’

‘Their life is glorious

and mine is utter
disgrace, but then I
remembered God told
me he was making all
things new and I
smiled.’

‘I’m happy to die in an

epic way just once,
and then spend the
rest of eternity
watching people watch
me in utter
amazement.’

‘Darkness has
prevailed, but love
made light and
darkness has never
comprehended it.’

’It’s going to hurt, the

fear and blood and
pain, but I promised
I’d be a lion someday,
someday.’

‘If anyone nds these

sayings create a book
of them all, if you
write anyone’s name
on it I will kill you.’
fi

‘Anonymity, anonymity
and utter de ance of
what is culturally
accepted.’

fi
‘Light is for the saints,
love is for those who
need to stay warm at
night without one.’

‘Mirrors are just a

reminder that you, too,
need to change of
clothes to feel good
now and then, and to
wash your face with
soap to feel human.’

She’s gone for good

this time, gone, for
good, not something I
understood.’

‘I trust my creator, he
knew me before I was
born and had an idea
of what I’d become,
and I trust he knows
what to do to put this
puzzle back together
again.’

‘Love asked me to go
to jail, I asked for a
type writer and a radio
so I don’t feel so
alone.’

‘Loneliness is pain,
rarely have I found
someone who is truly
happy being alone,
although I see a lot of
Facebook quotes
boasting about it.’

‘God made Eve to be

with Adam, because
God knew that Adam
needed something
more beautiful than
himself to look at’

‘I trust love to do what

love does, make an
absolute mockery of
anything that isn’t
love.’

‘She’s gone, I guess she

was right and I should
have just shut my
mouth and been
happy that she made
me rice pudding.’

‘My heart is broken, I

don’t know how to
heal a broken heart,
but I know walking
helps.’

‘You can leave a

person to remember
what it’s like to miss
them. too much
togetherness can make
you feel kind of stuck,
and everyone loves to
feel missed.’

‘Okay well I’m ready,

I’ll bring the seeds
from my fruit tree, you
bring a picnic blanket
and something
actually good to eat.’

‘I choose to believe
something above God
is in charge of the
heavens, I hate to
think of him bored up
there just watching
everything unfold.’

‘God is playing Civ 5

on extreme mode,
please give him some
time while the screen
refresh rate is lagging,
which is, ofcourse,
rare.’

‘God is so powerful he
can bring dead bones
back to life, but
remember something
had to die rst to
receive that honour.’
fi

‘If you can be honest

with yourself in this
life and just admit who
you are, you’ve already
beaten the entire
human race at their
own game.’

‘There’s dark forces in

me, I hope they’re
prepared to suffer in
the burning light.’

‘Yes it’s over for me,

but tragedy was
something that I
seemed to have known
was coming all along.’

 ‘No one wanted to

date Gods son, so God
ooded the entire
Earth with his tears.’
fl

‘Fall in love with

potential, better
something that can be
improved on than
something that is
losing its value each
and every day. plus
everyone needs a
hobby.’

‘Life is growth and a

good beer between
honest mates when
your wife leaves.’

‘If you lose your

friends, don’t bother
trying to make new
ones until you nd out
why the others left in
the rst place.’
fi

fi
‘Heal the past, meditate
on your bed and never
speak a word out of turn
again. the good news is
the stronger the heart
the more the words
you’re saying will hit
tender receptive ears.’

‘When it does nally

snows in Australia, I’ll
know we’ve all been
saved, I pray she’s with
me then, and that I
own a pair of gloves.’
fi

 ‘Compatability is a
strange thing, if they’re
not laughing that’s the
end of the story. If you’re
not laughing the story
wasn’t the right one in the
rst place, but some
people prefer tears and
silence in their partners.’
fi

‘Say some honest shit

from the heart now
and then, like I want
your business and I’m
prepared to pay for it.’

‘I’d hate to be the queen

right now, not because
she’s not beautiful
because she is, but
convincing everyone to
pay off all of their debts
for free scares some
investors and real estate
portfolios.’

‘If I lived in a free

country I’d have an ice
cream and beer in my
hand right now, and
I’d be hearing the
latest news from my
neighbourhood
gathering.’

‘There is no cost to
life, people just chose
to be consumers
instead of producers,
and who can blame
them, I’ve never seen a
fruit tree grow in a
parking lot.’

‘Imagine if orange
trees lined the streets
of Fremantle, so that
the homeless could eat
and within three days
be saved, forgiven and
go home to their
families.’

‘Healing is free, society

makes money from
sick people. There is
no money to be made
in true healing, I
repeat, there is no
money to be made
from a truly healthy
society.’

‘Disabled people are

so beautiful to me,
because the thought of
them being well again
must make God stand
on his feet.’

‘I can’t bear being in

pain anymore, and
then I realised it wasn’t
my pain it was
someone else trapped
within the chambers
of my heart.’

‘The one gift God gave

me is total self
acceptance, I’m a
realist, I know when to
say fuck it and walk
away.’

‘Loves worth ghting

for sure, but make sure
it’s love you’re ghting
to keep in the rst
place.’

fi
fi
fi
‘Imagine wasting your
whole life trying to make
a point to someone that
you’re better than them,
or deserving of respect.
You already were, the
right thing to do was to
prove it by living your life
not mine.’

‘My heart is burning,

not from love, but
from Olanzapene
injections and the
dread that everyone is
leaving.’

‘I’ll save the mentally

ill, they deserve it the
most, he who is out of
his mind is working for
God.’

‘Cancer is unexpressed
emotions and the acid
in a soft drink.’

‘Some old people are

beautiful, they’ve been
through hell and
they’re still laughing
about it.’

‘Child when you’re

born, child when you
die. try and remember
to paint something in
between.’

‘I’ll write a book one

day, like CS Lewis or
Tolkien. Something
where people get to
the end and say damn
I did not expect him to
take it that far, and be
as brave with his
writing as I thought
he’d be.’

‘Your hearts a mess,

you won’t admit to it,
it makes no sense,
because i’m desperate
to connect, and you,
you can’t live like this.’

‘Value someone, God

chose Noah and forgot
the rest.’

‘People believe
whatever the light
shows them, but even
Satan can turn himself
into an Angel of light.’

‘Ask a child the

meaning of life, when
they give you a silly
answer say the words
over and over again
until you get the joke.’

‘People are known for

what they say no to,
people don’t
remember those who
have a good time all
the time.’

‘Life’s awesome, I really

enjoyed it, but please no
more parking lots and
atm machines. I was
barely having a good time
when someone started
asking me to pay for the
fun I was trying to have.’

‘I remember my old
self, he likes screamo
music and proving
himself to others. I’ll
keep the rst one.’
fi

‘People aren’t kind

anymore because they
think their soul desire
is to somehow prove
their worth to a world
that will throw them
away the moment they
aren’t worth anything
to it anymore.’

‘Lustful men crave sex,

a loving man is too
scared to touch a
woman with his lthy
hands.’

fi
‘If I could avoid the
world I would, alas I
seem to have been
born here and no one
has given me any
directions.’

‘Charity is all you need

to know, and we are to
offer our bodies as a
living sacri ce.’
fi

Tithes and offerings

for the storehouse. the
storehouse.

‘God saves his

righteous ones from
the calamity to come.
People wonder why
the young die, he’s
trying to save them
before they come back
in the sky.’

‘Trust God to deliver

you sure, but also
remember your local
pizza shop and that
someone is hungry
tonight.’

‘Love is still love

without the e.’

Suffering isn’t always

tears, but the space
between tears is worse.

‘There’s got to be
more to life than
primary colours.’

They nailed me to a
tree and said crucify
him, and too be honest
if I was in the
audience I would have
agreed wholeheartedly.

 ‘The pain of them

touching someone else
isn’t worth the pain of
touching them in the
rst place. but life
wouldn’t be better if
sex and divine
retribution didn’t
exist.’
fi

‘The end of the lord is

most pitiful and of
tender mercy. this
proves that we’re all
just beggars in the
end.’

‘Love wants me to go
as far back in time as I
can, and be with
where I left my heart
in the rst place, and
from that starting
point I might just learn
something.’
fi

‘Christians, Christians
and other judgemental
people in need of a
saviour.’

‘I’m a fatalist, when

God says he’s planning
on burning up the
world with a fervent
heat I listen to him.’

‘The world is lled

with light, and I’ve
never seen anything
more sickening in my
life.’

fi
‘Self control was the
directive, the Holy
Spirit the answer,
Baptism the call to
action.”

‘No one wants to go to

hell, nobody wants to
say no either.’

‘Better a woman who

can make you food
and settle your
children, than a
woman who says “I
provide the nances
for this entire family.’
fi

‘Every time I make a new

group a friends, I’m
wondering which one will
sabotage everything I
tried to build in the rst
place. I’d be better off
going to see my friends
from the beginning, or at
least apologising to those
who feel I’ve offended
them that much.’

fi
‘I choose to believe
teenagers have more to
give the world than my
current prime minister.
I also believe the
prime minister should
be in his prime.’

‘I did all I could, I

tried to change the
world, now leave me
alone with Quest for
Glory, Monkey Island
and anything else
made by Sierra Online
and Lucas Arts.’

‘The Lord died and

people sent presents to
each other thanking
God he was dead.’

‘No one wants to date

the Lord, but he can
cry sometimes.’

‘She’s gone, because

my words became like
water, tasteless and
easily accessible.’

‘People don’t appreciate

down and out people,
they love the feeling that
prosperity always wins,
but I choose to believe
God had to clothe
himself in light to avoid
his own nakedness.’

‘Words ruin good sex

appeal, so does a bad
watch.’

‘Sex will always rule

the world, but God
probably loved Sodom
and Gomorrah a little
too much when they
were turned to ashes
on the ground near his
feet.’

‘I’m not worried at all,

this suffering is good
for me, I was righteous
before, and then my
girlfriend slept with
other people.’

‘Righteousness, truth,
justice and fairy
bread.’

‘My heart is so dark

that if God was to ever
enlighten it, I’d scream
and beg him to make
it stop.’

‘I don’t know why they

worship me, I assume
they mean someone
else in my family.’

‘This just proves that

the end of all things is
evil, and that salvation
is a choice.’

‘I’m dead to her, she

didn’t realise I’ve never
felt better with her
around.’

‘Love is this, to have a

smaller penis than the
others but know how
to write a platinum
album.’

‘The world wants to

work with worldly
people, mainly to
prove to itself that they
aren’t the corpse they
are scared they always
will be.’

 ‘Love is this, anorexia

from refusing to feel
anything but clean on
the inside, and then
nally accepting a
piece of toast.’
fi

‘I’m not sure if I failed

him, and I don’t know
if he’s returning. but
God said if I have no
faith he remains
faithful, so for now I’ll
keep breathing.’

‘People don’t
appreciate sarcasm,
but it was my best
teacher and an even
better friend.’

‘Sick of being spider

lord who isn’t one with
the world. I’d be less
of a man but I’d get
laid more often.’

‘If you want God to

love you, stop praying
for prosperity and ask
him to make you
hunger and thirst for
righteousness.’

‘Why follow me for, I

have no power. just ask
your Father in heaven
in an honest way
instead of these
winding prayers of
eternal nothingness.’

‘Heavenly Father,
halo’d be thy name.
That’s probably a
good way to start.’

‘Use your compass, if

you’re lost in a sea of
words, say nothing
until the other person
speaks again.’

‘She’s gone and I can’t

bring her back.
Everyone’s telling me
I’d never want her
back anyway, I’m
asking them to be
patient with me, and
the person who took
her from me.’

‘Better to have
descended into the pit
of darkness than never
put your hand in a
gutter or a lthy
letterbox.’

fi
‘Blues a good colour,
but red turns heads.
somewhere in between
those two is purple,
and they are
considered royalty.’

‘Not everyone can

follow the lamb
wherever he goes,
some of us have a
kingdom to run and
unwell people to
protect.’

‘Better to share your

trade than to trade
your shares. knowing
how to change a tire is
good, but if the house
leaks you’ll need to call
someone eventually.’

‘There is a time
coming when no man
can work, and that
time is now. so I
suggest doing the
laundry and buying
rice.’

‘Christians have got it

easy, they get to meet
the Lord in the air, the
rest of us have to sit
and watch that
happen.’

‘Make sure you’re a doer

of the word not just a
hearer of the word, you’ll
never know when God is
going to hold you
accountable not for what
you did but for how much
you knew what you
should have done.’

‘God loves a cheerful

giver, and children
who aren’t afraid to do
the dishes for their
parents.’

‘Better to have nursed

one sick friend you
visit regularly back to
full health than a
seminar on how to get
well using vitamins.’

‘I could talk all day, I

also need to look in the
mirror occasionally
and ask myself if I
ever really loved
anything.’

‘Never accept the

diagnoses, labels stick
and doctors make
money from medicine.’

‘I rarely go to the
dentist, something
about the word
terri es me.’
fi

‘I can clean my own

teeth, I can wash my
own feet, but there’s a
spot on my back only a
woman can reach in
the bathtub while
candles are lit.’

‘Candles are so
important that if you
don’t light one at night
at least occasionally,
you’ll regret living by
the end of your life,
and curse your own
creator.’

‘God created light,

and then people
decided halogen was
better.’

‘Hospitals are the

worst place to get well
in existence. I’d rather
a hole in the ground
where I’m at liberty to
curse until I’m cured.’

 ‘Nurses did what they

could for everyone.
Mainly trying to x
what the doctors
thought was best in the
rst place.’
fi

fi
‘Suicide should always be
an option for those
who’ve decided suffering
is enough. I just believe in
safer ways of doing it,
and talking through your
pain.’

‘You don’t always have to

believe in a creator that
has decided you belong in
a lake of re for things
you did when you had no
idea how important your
life was supposed to be.
you also don’t have to put
up with betrayal by your
closest friend.’
fi

‘Once it’s all said and

done I’m just praying we
still have sweet things to
say and I don’t always
make you sick to your
stomachs.’

‘My life was suppossed to

be glorious, instead I
spent nine years suffering.
It took another nine years
to see the suffering was
the glorious part.’

‘Be prepared and be

pre-paired. God took
partners onto the ark,
not bachelors.’

‘I really, really, really

don’t want to die. I also
really don’t want to deal
with the shit I’ve started
on this earth, and
watching everything I
know and love get
rebooted time and time
again.’

‘I hear them laughing,

and then I remember
the good ones say
nothing and have tears
in their eyes.’

‘Love said I miss you,

it took me a decade to
realise that was a
warning and an
invitation.’

‘I can’t be friends with

everyone, I tried, they
called me a liar
immediately.’

‘I want to heal all

people, but not all
people want me to
heal.’

‘Heaven is a place on
earth, it’s also within
people.’

‘If hell is after this, I’d

much more have
appreciated God
giving me a chance to
correct my mistakes.’

‘Better to be pressed
by dark forces until
every ounce of
wisdom is formed,
than enjoy light
hearted humour and
know nothing about
life.’

‘Yeah I suffered. I’m

still getting over it, the
word itself is an
abomination to my
heart.’

‘You can have a

hundred thousand
friends and go home
and hug your knees to
sleep.’

‘Recovery probably
starts with clean sheets
and a soft warm
blanket and Milo.’

‘Don’t stress yourself

to get well all the time,
just drink water with
something you enjoy
in it.’

‘If you’re trying to

heal the body, don’t
stuff it with food. the
body is trying to heal
itself, it takes a lot of
effort to digest that
much pasta.’

‘Seeds were made to

get dirty, and God
plants deep what he
plans to grow strong’.

‘Love asked me to eat

a jelly bean, I ate a
black one to save
someone else from
passing away.’

‘Go back to your

roots’.

‘Where your heart is

there will be your
treasure also, and your
ex marks the spot’.

The End.