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Napoleon Invitation
At the psychiatrist's: ‘Whenever I see you, my dear lady, I get a very strong urge
1 ‘How did you get the idea that you were Napoleon?’
‘God told me so.’
‘He's lying,’ it was overheard from the waiting room. ‘I
4 to invite you to my place.’
‘Oh, you are so flattering.’
‘I wouldn't think so. I'm a dentist.’
haven't told him anything.’

Prevod Napoelon Prevod Pozivnica

Kod psihijatra: ‚‚Kad god vas vidim, draga gospoðo, dobijem neodoljiv poriv
‚‚Kako ste došli na ideju da ste Napoleon?” da vas pozovem kod mene.”‚
‚‚Bog mi je rekao.” ‚‚O, pravi ste laskavac.”
‚‚Laže” - èulo se iz èekaonice. ‚‚Ništa mu nisam rekao.” ‚‚Ne bih se složio sa vama. Ja sam zubar.”

Test 1
Jaundice
A man came into a hospital and saw the doctors beating a patient.
He asked them:
zaokruži taèno tip
greške
2 ‘Why are you beating an ill man?’
The doctors said:
‘We have been treating him for three years for jaundice...’
Šta ova reè znaèi?
a) What this word mean?
br.

‘So?’ b) What does this word mean? 1

‘ . . .and only now he has told us he's Chinese.’

Prevod Žutica Koliko košta ova suknja?

a) How much cost this skirt?
Èovek je ušao u bolnicu i video lekare kako tuku pacijenta.
Pitao ih je: b) How much does this skirt cost?
1
‚‚Zašto tuèete bolesnog èoveka?”
pogledaj tip greške
‚‚Tri godine ga leèimo od žutice...”
na poslednjim stranama
‚‚Pa?”
‚‚...a on nam je tek sada rekao da je Kinez.” Worries
During her birthday party, the hundred-year-old woman
A plane was about to crash. All the passengers were in panic
and they were crying and shouting. The pilot came out of 5 said to the doctor who had been treating her for a long time:
‘I've grown so used to you, doctor. I have no idea who will
3 his cabin wearing a parachute on his back and started
calming them down:
‘Don't worry, I'm heading to earth to get help.’
treat me so well when you die.’

Prevod Brige
Tokom roðendanske proslave, 100-godišnja žena je rekla lekaru
Prevod Avion samo što se nije srušio. Svi putnici su bili u panici, koji ju je leèio veã duže vreme:
plakali su i vrištali. Pilot je izašao iz svoje kabine sa ‚‚Toliko sam se navikla na vas, doktore. Ne znam ko ãe me
padobranom na leðima i poèeo da ih smiruje: leèiti tako dobro kada vi umrete.”
‚‚Ne brinite, idem na zemlju da dovedem pomoæ.”

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During a theatre performance a husband and a wife were During a dance a man with a wooden leg told his partner:
talking the entire time. A man who was sitting in front of them ‘Let's spin around in a different direction, shall we?’

6 criticized them angrily:

‘I couldn't hear a single word!’ 8 ‘You feel dizzy?’ his dance partner asked him.
‘No, but my leg has unscrewed.’
‘It is none of your business, this is a private conversation!’ the
husband told him. Prevod Za vreme plesa èovek sa drvenom nogom je rekao svojoj
partnerki:
Prevod Tokom pozorišne predstave muž i žena su sve vreme ‚‚Hajde da se zavrtimo u drugom smeru, hoãemo li?”
razgovaraili. Èovek koji je sedeo ispred njih kritikovao ih je ‚‚Da li ti se vrti u glavi?” pitala ga je njegova partnerka.
ljutito: ‚‚Ne, nego mi se noga odšrafila.”
‚‚Ni reè nisam mogao da èujem!”
‚‚To se tebe ne tièe, ovo je privatni razgovor!” muž mu je rekao. tip
At a restaurant Test 2 zaokruži taèno greške
br.
While a doctor was waiting for his order in a restaurant he Šta se dogodilo?
was nervously observing a waiter who was moving very
7 slowly.
‘Excuse me, have you got haemorrhoids?’
a) What did happen ?
b) What happened? 56
‘I don't know,’ the waiter answered. ‘I'd better ask our chef.’
Ko ti najviše nedostaje?
Prevod
Prevod U restoranu
65
Dok je doktor èekao svoju porudžbinu u restoranu, nervozno je
posmatrao konobara koji se kretao veoma sporo.
a) Who misses you most?
b) Who do you miss most?
56
‚‚Izvinite, imate li hemoroide?”
pogledaj tip greške
‚‚Ne znam,” odgovorio je konobar. ‚‚Bolje da pitam kuvara.” na poslednjim stranama
A skinny man
A skinny man came into his flat and saw his wife having a
Obratite pažnju: great time with a big and strong athlete.
Ko je napravio ovu tortu? The husband, mad with fury, took the umbrella that the
kursevi jezika
Who made this cake?
Kome si napravio ovu tortu?
9 athlete had left in the corridor. He broke the umbrella into
two and shouted:
‘And now, I pray to God that it starts raining.’
Who did you make this cake for? Prevod Mršavko
Kada si napravio ovu tortu? Mršavi èovek je ušao u svoj stan i video ženu koja se sjajno
011/3244-315 provodila sa velikim i snažnim muškarcem.
When did you make this cake? Muž je, tako besan, uzeo kišobran koji je snažni muškarac
021/4722-704 ostavio u hodniku. Slomio je kišobran na dva dela i viknuo:
‚‚A sada, daj bože da poène kiša.!

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Test 3 zaokruži taèno
tip
greške
br.
Two blonde girls were walking down the street and they
came across a mirror.
The first one took it and said:
Pitao sam je koliko košta torba.
a) I asked her how much the bag is. 63 12 ‘Oh, look, it's my photo!’
Then the second one took it and said:
b) I asked her how much the bag was. 69 ‘Oh my God, you are so ugly.’
Dve plavuše su išle ulicom i naišle na ogledalo.
Gde ãeš živeti kad budeš imao 50 godina?
Prevod Prva ga je uzela i rekla:
a)Where will you live when you will be 50? 54 ‚‚O, vidi, moja slika!”
b)Where will you live when you are 50? Onda ga je druga uzela i rekla:
pogledaj tip greške
na poslednjim stranama
9 ‚‚O, bože, kako si ružna.”

‘How was your blind date?’ a college student asked her

roommate.
Test 4 zaokruži taèno tip
greške
‘Terrible!’ the roommate answered. ‘He showed up in his Razmišljam da uèim nemaèki. br.
10
32 1932 Rolls Royce.’
‘Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about
a) I think to learn German.
b) I am thinking to learn German. 79
that?’ c) I am thinking of learning German.
‘He was the original owner.’
Da li znaš gde je Marko?
Prevod ‚‚Kako je bilo na sastanku?” drugarica pitu cimerku. a) Do you know where is Marko? 63
‚‚Užasno!” odgovorila je cimerka. ‚‚Pojavio se u svom Rols b) Do you know where Marko is?
Rojsu iz 1932.”
‚‚To je veoma skup auto. Šta u tome ima loše?” Zašto prièað sam sa sobom?
‚‚On je prvi vlasnik.” a) Why are you talking to yourself? 66
Billy asked his father:
b) Why are you talking to you? pogledaj tip greške
‘Dad, where is Africa?’ na poslednjim stranama
11 ‘I don't know but it probably isn't very far away. There is a
black man who works in my company and he comes to work
every day on a bicycle.’ Patient: ‘Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink
Prevod Bili je pitao svog oca:
‚‚Tata, gde je Afrika?”
13
32 tea.’
Doctor: ‘Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.’
‚‚Ne znam, ali verovatno nije veoma daleko. Ima jedan crnac Prevod Pacijent: ‚‚Doktore, boli me oko svaki put kad pijem èaj.”
koji radi kod mene u firmi i svaki dan dolazi biciklom na Doktor: ‚‚Izvadite kašiku iz šolje pre nego sto poènete da pijete
posao.” èaj.”

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A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby One-eyed dog
delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a Two blondes were walking down the street and one of them
new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor said:
pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very 15
32 ‘Look at that dog with one eye!’
The other one covered one eye with her hand and said:
14
32 much in favour of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10%
for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain
‘Where is it? Where is it?!’

than the father had ever experienced before. Prevod Jednooki pas
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was Dve plavuše su šetale ulicom i jedna je rekla:
amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try ‚‚Pogledaj onog psa sa jednim okom!”
for 50%. Druga je pokrila jedno oko rukom i rekla:
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously ‚‚Gde je? Gde je?!”
helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the
doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.
Test 5 zaokruži taèno tip
greške
Ona je radila u banci. br.
She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch. a) She is worked in the bank.
b) She worked in the bank. 39
Prevod Braèni par je otišao u bolnicu jer je žena trebalo da se porodi.
Nakon dolaska, doktor im je rekao da je izmislio mašinu koja
prenosi deo poroðajnih bolova sa majke na oca. Kada se propudila sijalo je sunce.
Pitao ih je da li hoãe da je isprobaju. Oboje su bili za to. Doktor a) When she woke up the sun shone. 40
je namestio transfer bola na 10% za poèetak i objasnio da je èak i b) When she woke up the sun was shining. pogledaj tip greške
to verovatno više bola nego što je otac ikada iskusio. Doktor je na poslednjim stranama
proverio krvni pritisak oca i bio oduševljen kako se sve dobro
Operation
odvija. Tada su odluèili da probaju sa 50 %. Suprug se i dalje
As a young surgeon was leaving the operating room the head
oseãao dobro. Pošto je oèigledno puno pomagao svojoj ženi, surgeon of the hospital stopped him and asked him:
ohrabrio je doktora da prebaci sav bol sa žene na njega.
Žena je rodila zdravu bebu skoro bezbolno. Ona i njen muž su
bili oduševljeni.
16 ‘My dear colleague, how was the operation?’
The young doctor was taken by surprise:
‘Operation?! Damn it! I have been thinking all this time that
Kada su stigli kuãi, poštar je ležao mrtav ispred njihove kuãe. it was an autopsy!’

Prevod Operacija
Dok je mladi hirurg izlazio iz operacione sale glavni hirurg ga je
zaustavio i pitao :
‚‚Dragi kolega, kako je prošla operacija?”
Mladi doktor je bio zateèen:
‚‚Operacija?! Doðavola! Ja sam sve vreme mislio da je to bila
night morning afternoon evening night autopsija!”

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An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato A policeman said to a thief he had caught breaking into a
garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who shop:
used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his ‘So you say that you have broken into the shop so that you
17
5 son and described his predicament.
Dear son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be 18 could have just a packet of cigarettes?!’
‘Yes, that's true!’ the thief answered.
able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old ‘And why did you try to rob the cash register?’ the policeman
to be digging up a garden. If you were here, all my troubles asked him.
would be over. I know you would dig the garden for me. Love, ‘Because I wanted to leave money for the cigarettes.’
Dad
A few days later, he received a letter from his son. Prevod Policajac pita lopova koga je uhvatio da provaljuje u prodavnicu:
‚‚I znaèi, kažeš da si provalio u prodavnicu samo da bi uzeo
Dear Dad, kutiju cigareta?!”
For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden. That's where I ‚‚Da. To je taèno!” lopov je odgovorio.
buried the BODIES. Love, Bubba ‚‚A zašto si pokušao da obiješ kasu?” policajac ga je pitao.
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed ‚‚Zato što sam hteo da ostavim novac za cigarete.”
up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They
apologized to the old man and left.
That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do
under the circumstances. Love, Bubba
Test 6 zaokruži taèno tip
greške
Uživa da èita knjigu u parku. br.
Prevod Stari èovek je þiveo sam u Ajdahu. Þeleo je da okopa svoju baðtu
krompira, ali je to bio teþak posao za njega. Njegov jedini sin, a) He enjoys to read a book in the park.
Baba, koji mu je ranije pomagao, je bio u zatvoru. Starac je b) He enjoys read a book in the park. 23
napisao pismo sinu i opisao mu svoje neprilike: c)He enjoys reading a book in the park.
Dragi sine, oseãam se prilièno loše zato što mi se èini da neãu pogledaj tip greške
moãi da zasadim krompir ove godine. Sve sam stariji za kopanje u na poslednjim stranama
bašti. Da si ti ovde, sve moje nevolje bi se okonèale. Znam da bi ti
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half
prekopao baštu umesto mene.
Voli te tata
an hour, and then she hung up..
‘Wow!’ said her father. ‘That was short. You usually talk for
Nekoliko dana kasnije, primio je pismo do sina.
Dragi tata, zaboga, nemoj prekopavati baštu. Tamo sam zakopao 19 two hours. What happened?’
‘Wrong number,’ replied the girl.
leševe. Voli te Baba
U 4 ujutru sledeãeg jutra FBI agenti i lokalna policija su se Prevod Tinejdžerka razgovara telefonom pola sata i onda spušta
pojavili i prekopali celu oblast ali nisu pronašli nikakve leševe. slušalicu.
Izvinili su se starcu i otišli. ‚‚Vau!” reèe otac. ‚‚To je bilo kratko. Obièno razgovaraš po dva
Istog dana starac je primio još jedno pismo od sina. sata. Šta se dogodilo?”
Dragi tata, samo napred, zasadi krompir. To je najbolje što sam ‚‚Pogrešan broj,” odgovorila je tinejdžerka.
mogao da uradim pod ovim okolnostima.Voli te Baba

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Little Johnny was running around his house and was shouting A blonde was out of money and needed it desperately. To get
happily: some cash, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for
20 ‘Mum, mum, I can write!’
‘What have you written, my darling?’
ransom just like in Hollywood movies.
She went to a playground, grabbed a kid randomly, and told
‘How do I know that? I can't read!’ 22
32 the kid: ‘I've kidnapped you.’ She then wrote a big note
saying: ‘I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put
Prevod Mali Džoni je trèao po kuãi i vikao sav sreãan: $10,000 in a bag and leave it under the mango tree next to
‚‚Mama, mama, znam da pišem!” the playground.’ Signed - A naughty blonde.
‚‚Šta si napisao, dušo?” The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent
‚‚Kako to da znam? Ne znam da èitam!” him home to show it to his parents. The next morning, the
blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting
Test 7 zaokruži taèno
Šta želiš da radiš veèeras?
tip
greške
br.
beneath the mango tree.
The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a
note that said: ‘How could you do this to a fellow blonde?’
a) What do you like to do tonight?
b) What would you like to do tonight? 97 Prevod Plavuša je ostala bez novca a bio joj je preko potreban.
Da bi dobila nešto novca odluèila je da kidnapuje dete
Kakvo je vreme? how i da traži otkupninu za njega, baš kao u holivudskim filmovima.
well Otišla je na igralište, zgrabila je prvo dete koje je videla i rekla
a) How is the weather?
b) What is the weather? 17 badly
fast
mu: ‚‚Kidnapovala sam te.” Onda je napisala poruku:
‚‚Kidnapovala sam vam dete. Sutra ujutru, stavite $10.000 u
c) What is the weather like? pogledaj tip greške hard torbu i ostavite je ispod drveta manga pored igrališta.”
na poslednjim stranama quickly U potpisu: Nevaljala plavuša.
slowly Onda je zakaèila poruku na deèakovu košulju i poslala ga kuæi
A passenger ship was passing a little deserted island in the loudly da pokaže poruku roditeljima. Sledeæeg jutra, plavuša je
Pacific Ocean. Passengers saw a man on the island. He had quietly proverila i našla papirnu kesu ispod drveta manga.
21 long hair and a long beard and he was shouting and waving
his hands with all his might. One of the passengers asked the
captain:
honestly
precisely Pogledala je u torbu i našla $10,000 sa porukom u kojoj je
pisalo: ‚‚Kako si mogla to da uradiš koleginici plavuši?”
‘Who is that man on the island?’
‘I don't know. But every year when we pass this island he
goes crazy.’ Did you see how
much tea he drank
Prevod Putnièki brod je prolazio pored malog napuštenog ostrva u yesterday?
Tihom okeanu. Putnici su videli èoveka na ostrvu. Imao je dugu
kosu i dugaèku bradu, vikao je i mahao rukama iz sve snage.
Jedan od putnika je pitao kapetana:
‚‚Ko je taj èovek na ostrvu?”
‚‚Ne znam. Ali svake godine kada prolazimo pored ovog ostrva
on poludi.”

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