FEAR OF

TRANSFORMATION From the Essene Book of Days

anyway. Perhaps this is the essence of what the

mystics call the faith experience. No guarantee,
no net, no insurance policy, but you do it anyway
because somehow, to keep hanging onto that old
bar is no longer on the list of alternatives. And
so for an eternity that can last a microsecond or

S
a thousand lifetimes, I soar across the dark void
of “the past is gone, the future is not yet here.” Its
called transition. I have come to believe that it is
ometimes I feel that my life is a series of the only place that real change occurs. I mean real
trapeze swings. I’m either hanging on to a trapeze change, not the pseudo-change that only lasts
bar or swinging along or, for a few moments in my until the next time my old buttons get punched.
life, I’m hurtling across space in between trapeze I have noticed that, in our culture, this
bars. Most of the time, I spend my life hanging on transition zone is looked upon as “nothing”, a
for dear life to my trapeze-bar- of-the-moment. It no-place between places. Sure the old trapeze-bar
carries me along a certain steady rate of swing was real, and that new coming towards me, I
and I have the feeling that I’m in control of my life. hope, that’s real, too. But the void in between?
I know most of the right questions and even some That’s just a scary, confusing, disorienting
of the right answers. But once “nowhere” that must be gotten
in a while, as I’m merrily (or not through as fast and as unconsciously
so merrily) swinging along, I “I have a sneaking as possible. What a waste! I have a
look ahead of me into the sneaking suspicion that the
distance, and what do I see? I
suspicion that the transition zone is the only real thing,
see another trapeze bar transition zone is the and the bars are illusions we dream
swinging toward me. It’s empty, only real thing, and up to avoid the void, where the real
and I know, in that place in me the bars are illusions change, the real growth occurs for
that knows, that this new us. Whether or not my hunch is true,
trapeze bar has my name on it. we dream up to avoid it remains that the transition zones in
It is my next step, my growth, the void, where the our lives are incredibly rich places.
my aliveness coming to get me. real change, the real They should be honored, even
In my heart- of-hearts, I know
growth occurs for us.“ savored. Yes, with all the pain and
fear and feelings of being out-of-
that for me to grow, I must
release my grip on the present, control that can (but necessarily)
well-know bar to move to the accompany transitions, they are still
new one. the most alive, most growth-filled,
Each time it happens to me, I hope (no, I passionate, expansive moments in our lives.
pray) that I won’t have to grab the new one. But And so, transformation of fear may have
in my knowing place, I know that I must totally nothing to do with making fear go away, but rather
release my grasp on my old bar, and for some with giving ourselves permission to “hang out” in
moment in time, I must hurtle across space before the transition between the trapeze bars.
I can grab onto the new bar. Each time I am filled Transforming our need to grab that new bar, any
with terror. It doesn’t matter that in all my bar, is allowing ourselves to dwell in the only
previous hurtles across the void of unknowing, I place where change really happens. It can be
have always made it. Each time I am afraid I will terrifying. It can be enlightening, in the true sense
miss, that I will be crushed on unseen rocks in the of the word. Hurtling through the void, we just may
bottomless chasm between the bars. But I do it learn how to fly.