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Maribel Mateo

HLTH 348.03

Dr. Bellomy

14 May 2021

For this reflective assignment, I chose to do the Death over Dinner activity. I chose to do

this activity because I believe one of the first steps of planning the end of your life is to simply

talk about it. Talking about it helps you gather your thoughts on this topic which might be the

hardest thing to do. I believe we need to figure out what we want first, before we can go ahead

and proceed with our plans. This activity was very insightful and reinforced the importance of

having a discussion about death. I’m sure no one wants to talk about such a devastating topic, but

it is inevitable as everyone is going to have to face it at some point in their life. I believe that

talking about death should be normalized and that people shouldn’t feel uncomfortable talking

about it as it is a part of life. The more we talk about death, the more comfortable and easier it’ll

be for us to deal with it.

The activity starts by asking you to watch a short video. The video serves as a short

introduction for the activity and emphasizes the importance of telling your loved ones what you

want. It mentions how 75% of Americans say that they want to die at home, but only 25%

actually do. By discussing the end of life with your loved ones, this will prevent them from

having to make difficult decisions for you. After watching the video, the activity asks you who

you would be inviting to your dinner. I mentioned that I would be inviting my family, parents,

significant other, and friends. Then, it asks you for your intentions of the dinner and gives you

many options to choose from. I chose that I want to live fully and understand that difficult

conversations are sometimes the most liberating. The next step was to choose a short piece for
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you and your guests to read, watch, and listen to. These short pieces served as a prep-tool to look

over before coming to dinner so that my guests and I would have an idea of what to talk about.

After choosing the short pieces, I was emailed a script and invitations for my guests.

The script was very interesting. It mentioned questions such as, “What do you want your

epitaph to be?” and “Name the three-person committee you would want consulted on any

decisions about whether to continue life-prolonging treatments, like mechanical ventilation.” To

be quite honest, I didn’t know what an epitaph was until I looked it up. I discovered that it is a

phrase written in memory of a person who has died, usually as an inscription on their tombstone.

This is a question I’ve never thought about, mostly because I feel like I’m too young to think

about these kinds of things. As for the question regarding my three-person committee, I said that

I would like my significant other, my oldest child, and my oldest sibling to be part of that

committee. Although I don’t have any children right now, I would be planning this for the future.

Other than the script, I also thought the three resources that were given to me and my guests

were very interesting.

The short piece I chose to read was titled, “Top Five Regrets of the Dying'' written by

Susie Steiner. This article was about palliative nurse Bronnie Ware and the five most common

regrets of her dying patients. Bronnie said that she found common themes being surfaced again

and again. These themes included people wishing they had the courage to live a life true to

themselves instead of what others expected from them. (Steiner, 2012) Other common themes

that were found were people wishing that they hadn’t worked so hard, and that they had the

courage to express their feelings more. Many people also wished that they had stayed in touch

with friends as they realized that they got caught up in their own lives and had to let go of some

amazing friendships over the years. (Steiner, 2012)

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Another article I read was, “'Just Show Up': Sheryl Sandberg On How To Help Someone

Who's Grieving.” This article includes a recording of an interview with author Sheryl Sandberg,

where she discusses how she has dealt with the death of her husband. She mentioned how many

things changed, including how people treated her. She realized that other parents of the students

who her kids went to school with avoided interacting with her. She states that it’s because people

don’t know how to deal with someone who is grieving and that they are afraid that they might

say the wrong thing. (Shapiro, 2017) Sheryl also mentions that instead of asking a person who is

grieving how you can help them, you should just do simple acts of kindness. Sheryl mentions

this because she says that sometimes a person who is grieving doesn’t even know what they

want, so they’re unsure of how to let others help them.

Overall, this activity and the resources it came with were very insightful and changed my

perspective on life. My favorite thing about this activity was listening to other people's opinions

and thoughts about the end of life. The article about the five most common regrets was eye-

opening and made me reflect on life. I’ve always thought that learning from other people's

mistakes is always helpful so that you can prevent yourself from making the same mistakes.

Having the dinner discussion with my loved ones was also very eye-opening. It made my family

realize that although it’s not a fun topic to talk about, it is very necessary and important to plan

out the future. We felt comfortable expressing our wants with each other, and I feel like this

activity actually brought us closer.

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References

Shapiro, A. (2017, April 25). 'Just Show Up': Sheryl Sandberg On How To Help Someone Who's

Grieving. Retrieved May 14, 2021, from

https://www.npr.org/2017/04/25/525453115/just-show-up-sheryl-sandberg-on-how-to-

help-someone-whos-grieving

Steiner, S. (2012, February 01). Top Five Regrets of the Dying. Retrieved May 14, 2021, from

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying