This is a graph that depicts the level of popularity of a specific Caribbean island from 2010 to 2017, at

the same time comparing the density of tourists staying on a cruise against those staying on the island.
Generally, over the 7 years the total tourism to the island grew. However more closely, the numbers for
those wanting to stay on the island has decreased recently, contrary to those wanting to travel by cruise
which has been on a steep incline.

Maybe a connecting word in between 2017, at – and at the same time…

For recently you might have to spell it out, so from 2016 etc – to make the statement clear to the
examiner.

Might be best to add in the units so density of tourists in millons,

Paragraph is really good- kept it short and said the brief trends for each bit.

The data shows the island has been gaining visitors every year, but in 2016 there was an anomaly in this
trend, as the number of visitors stayed stagnant at approximately 2.6million. Despite this, the year after
had the greatest increase with a jump of nearly 900,000 visitors, the biggest of all years.

line graphs in general – if have time u could mention something like the total number of visitors in total
had 2x fold increase etc or doubled etc

As the line graph is in past tense ( 2010-2017) make sure you write in the past tense – I had this issue
too so for instance has been gaining visitors – showed the island had gained visitors every year. This was
pointed out to me by the tutor as well.
Liked the end of the sentence, with the biggest of all years.

When comparing trends on where people stay on the island, the cruise ship market has seen a massive
growth from 2012, where there was a slight dip from the year before. Surprisingly, this was similar to
the time that we see a plateau in those wanting to reside on the island. Evidence of this is seen as after
the slight growth in 2012, no increase in numbers was seen from 2013 to 2017. Moreover, a decline in
visitors staying on the island was recorded in 2016.

Is it where people stay or if they do stay on the island? – not sure ; as where would indicate regions in
the island

Spell it out for the examiner – “this was similar” “this downward trend was similar”

Again with past tense – cruise ship market had seen

Maybe say from 2012 to 2017 – spell it out for the examiner

Its overall good – use of vocab – maybe add more figures in there for instance u can say how much the
decline was in the last sentence

line graphs in general – if have time u could mention something like the total number of visitors in total
had 2x fold increase etc or doubled from x year to x year if its shown.

Maybe look at synonyms for increase/growth so you can add it in more – growth is used twice in the last
paragraph – eg rise

The internet is growing at an exponential rate, with anything being available at your fingertips for free,
without leaving the comfort of your own home. The internet is an infinite source which is accessible for
anyone to upload and download any content they desire, especially books and news. The younger
generation now prefers ease of access, however there are still pockets of the population who enjoy the
nostalgia of holding a book or the morning newspaper. In this essay I will discuss why the majority will
use electronic copies more, but printed books and newspaper will never be a thing of the past.

Have used “ the internet’ twice to start a sentence one after the other – change it like online websites
are an infinite…

Maybe say news articles?

The last 20 years have seen technology develop at the speed of light, meaning we are now in a
generation where nearly everyone has a smartphone. This has created the youth of world to become
lazy and cheap, they question why would you pay for the newspaper to be delivered outside your door
when you can read it leisurely in bed for free? This is not only true for newspapers, but students who
live on an incredibly tight budget will always choose to download their textbooks for free, rather than
buy a paper copy at the store.

Youth of the world

Add a full stop after cheap.

Maybe at a sentence to summarise ur point. Eg this reinforces that ….

Expense is not always the reasoning when making purchases. There is still an enthusiastic society who
has a passion for reading and will only read paper copies of the books or their newspaper. These
individuals claim the irreplaceable smell of a newspaper that is fresh of the press, while they enjoy with
their morning coffee. Some on the other hand, want to feel the rough spine of the book in their hands as
they ponder at the words of the author. This population of people, although may not be as big as those
using the internet, have an immense passion which will not be extinguished.

Im not sure on the phrase the reasoning – maybe expense is not always the main factor when making
purchases.

Use linking words – In addition, furthermore,

Off instead of of the press

Idk if it’ll read better if u get rid off irreplaceable and put irreplaceable at the end of the sentence so itll
say claim the smell of a newspaper that is fresh off the press whilst they enjoy with their morning coffee
is irreplaceable

You could say A survey has depicted that individuals …….

Some on the other hand – need a comma after hand

Big as those

The era of printed newspapers and books is definitely not over. Although the popularity and demand
may decrease, as majority of the public choose the accessibility and affordability of the internet, I
believe the enthusiasm of the groups that want to physically feel their reading material will continue to
fuel the industry.
Maybe say In conclusion, to conclude – in order to really separate the paragraphs

Instead of groups maybe another synonym – not sure if demographic would work here

Im not sure if u need to say something like I agree/disagree to a certain extent ? idk if its required

Overall – the essay does have good points well structured and answers the questions – has a good word
limit but do use linking words – they do look at this when marking essays