sod cx rine. 1 ed a as aor. = pe be DP t 30 The Grief Drawer Darey Harris Clients for Whom the Technique is Appropriate ‘This technique is applicable for clients who avoid their vwhelmed by ¥ ito for individuals who do find themselves, ofien experienced as dis- these emotions has been174 © Darcy Harris yhen clients are concerned about their ability to disengage from thei aricf in order to {inction, or ithey share that they try to repeatedly distract hemmehes ce “stay busy” so that {Bey can avoid experiencing intense emotions (usually described wr ‘maintai ;ontrot"), 1 willoften suggest that they create a “grief drawer" Within technique, the griey- ing individual gathers together objects, and any other type of ind something that will {tied fo goto sleep a night, she was overwhelmed by sad- res of her life with Kevin and images of what he looked like dren and the demands of everyday life. Jan was initially dubious about the suggestion of a that she didn’t have time and she worried that once Jan put one of Kevin’ favorite shirts in the drawer, She then add his ‘watch (which ponds ihe had given him), several pictures ofhim from various timeein dt lives,a Pendant he had given to her, letters from when they were dating, and pictures of when Sach of their children was born. Kevin loved Van Morrison's misc ng Jan burned a dise ‘with several of his favorite songs, including one entitled “Brown-Eyed Girl,” which he used to sin had set as gently go u ished after then to wri susie ende including ¢ left the roa were times [eae realized af | ter. She was Over tin children to: that she anc Also began 3 notes she: sacred for h | Oneds She explains | Instead of reported tha Concluding Th This idea for c Bereavement (S focusing on the new roles and with the emotio to cultivate emo ‘emotionally dif ‘experience other ated items may example, Ihave | remind them oft and T have also b the loss of their 5 References Gupta, S, & Boras Abnormal. Psy (Accessed Oct Strosbe, M, & Sci 23-289,‘The Grief Drawer # 175 'sed to sing to her when they were dating, The first time she worked with the drawer, Jan hhad set aside 20 minutes, She turned on the CD player, opened the drawer, and begen to gently go through the items that were there. The songs she had burned onto the disc fin. ‘shed after 15 minutes, During the time the music played, she allowed herself to ery, and then to writea brief note to Kevin about whet she missed the most about him. When the ‘music ended, even though tears were still streaming down her face, she put everything, including the note she had just written, back in the drawer. She then closed the drawer, left the room, and turned on the TV while she folded laundry. In the beginning, there were times when she could not bring herself to go to the drawer to do the work When she did go to the drawer, she often felt exhausted when she was done. However, she also realized after a few weeks that she could think more clearly and focus her attention bet- ter. She was also sleeping better. Over time Jan set up a routine to go to the drawer twice a day, ater dropping the children to school and again after they all went to bed. She burned other CDs with music {hat she and Kevin had shared together or that seemed to give voice to her feelings. She also began adding other things to the drawer that she found. She eventually put all the ‘notes she wrote to Kevin during these times into a journal that provided a place that felt sacred for her innermost thoughts and feelings. ‘One day, Jan entered the room and found her oldest son looking through the drawer. She explained what the drawer was and he asked if he could also havea drawer for his dad. Instead of a drawer, he decided to use his dac’s fishing tackle box as the container. Jan ‘eported that she felt sense of relief that her son was also finding a way to honor his grief. pee ESS HEE Ce cher Concluding Thoughts ‘This idea for clients was originally based upon the Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement (Strocbe & Schut, 2010), which describes the normal oscillation of grief hetween focusing on the loss and aspects of the loss (loss orientation) and attending to dally life and sew roles and possibilities (restoration orientation). Clients who have difficulties engaging with the emotional aspects oftheir grief and loss experiences may find this technique help ‘9 cultivate emotional flexibility and a greater sense of competence in working with the more cmotionally difficult aspects of their experience. This technique is also useful for clients who sxperience other types oflosses that may not involve the death ofa loved one, where the associ sted items may represent aspects of what has been lost or of a time in one’s life that is los. For czample, I have had clients who have immigrated use the drawer for their familiar items that ‘mind them oftheir homeland and what they lef behind when they moved to a new country, 2nd Thave also had clients who have experienced infertility use the drawer as a place to grieve she loss of their hopes and dreams fora biological child. References ‘era S. & Bonanno, G. A. 2012), Complicated gre and defcis in emotional expressive flexibility Jourtl of Abvormal Paycholog 12013), 635-49. hiipz/isearch proques.com/docvew)878275059%accouatide 115 (Accessed October 24,2014 “star, S, Feldman, G., & Hayes, A. (2008). Changes in mindfulness and emotion cegulston in an exposure based ‘cognitive therapy for depression. Cognitive Therepy an Research, 326), 734.744, Ses K, Monk, 7, Houck, P Melhem, N. rank, E, Reynolis.C,& Sllowash, R, (2007). An atachment-based ‘model of complicated grief including the role of avoidance. European Archives of Paychictry uo Clinical Neuroscience, 257(8), 453-46, ‘ce, M, &Schut, H, (2010). The Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement: A decade on. Omg, tt), 273-289.Techniques O Grief Therapy WNcTersss0N (Oa 1e| Intervention Edited by Robert A. Neimeyer