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TALK THEIR
TYPE
How to Communicate Effectively with Any
Personality Type

SUSAN STORM
 © 2018 by Susan Storm
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be
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permitted by copyright law.
 TALK THEIR TYPE

"I WISH THEY'D JUST

UNDERSTAND"
Have you ever felt eloquent and fascinating when talking to
certain people and flustered and clumsy when talking to others?

Personality type differences can make communication a struggle

or a joy depending on which type you are working with.

Generally speaking, intuitives and sensors will “speak the

language” of like-minded intuitives and sensors. However, with a
few simple guidelines any type can communicate well with any
other type. We just have to know what persuades, motivates, and
interests those other people!

30
 COMMUNICATING
WITH AN ISTJ
Do's
At the beginning of the conversation, make sure you tell
your story or present your argument in a sequential order.
ISTJs want a conversation to go from point A to B to C.
Provide verifiable facts and concrete details if you want to
win their trust. If you want to interest them, try to show
them the practical application of what you’re talking about.
Theory for theory’s sake often holds little interest. Keep
your arguments as logical as possible, and try to simplify
your message. Long, meandering tangents can frustrate
them.

Don'ts
Don’t jump around from section to section in your story.
Try to keep your communication as linear as possible. Be
patient with brainstorming and don't force it to happen.
ISTJs like time to mull things over and think things
through before coming to a decision, so brainstorming
and coming up with spontaneous ideas can be stressful
and tiring for them. Don’t make emotional appeals to get
what you want. Just be direct and honest as much as
possible.

4
 COMMUNICATING
WITH AN ISFJ
Do's
At the beginning of the conversation, be clear about the
topic you’re wanting to discuss. Be clear about your desires
and needs. If you’re giving instructions try to explain them
in a step-by-step format. To gain their interest, talk about
the practical application of your message or how your view
may positively impact the people involved. Be polite,
conscientious, and considerate. Good manners and respect
for the ISFJ’s privacy is a must. Respect their feelings and
show consideration for the feelings of other people that you
are discussing. Honor your promises, commitments, and
plans.

Don'ts
Don’t ask invasive personal questions unless you have an
extremely close friendship already. Let them take the
lead in this area. ISFJs are very private people and will
feel uncomfortable if you are pushing too deeply into
their personal affairs. Don’t rush them to make a decision;
these types need time to think things over and analyze
situations. Don’t raise your voice or disregard their
emotions and feelings. These are gentle, empathetic
individuals and they desire patience and empathy in
return.

5
 COMMUNICATING
WITH AN ESTJ
Do's
At the beginning of the conversation, be clear and direct
about your message. Speak in a sequential order and get
“straight to the point” while backing up your plan with
facts and concrete details. Be frank and confident and
expect the same in return. To win their trust, make sure you
show that you are responsible and have plenty of objective
logic behind your message. To influence them, try to appeal
to their love of justice and fairness and show that you
know how to “get the job done”. Show that you respect the
rules and aren’t wishy-washy.

Don'ts
Don’t appeal to them on an emotional level. They tend to
distrust emotions, especially in early/mid-life. As they get
older their inferior function (Introverted Feeling) will be
more developed and they may place more trust in
emotional/value-based decisions. Don’t skirt around
troublesome issues or details. Be as clear and honest
about everything as you possibly can. Don’t “beat around
the bush”, they will get very impatient with this.

6
 COMMUNICATING
WITH AN ESFJ
Do's
At the beginning of the conversation, be clear yet
considerate about your message. Show your concern for the
people involved in your conversation and for the feelings of
the ESFJ. If you’re discussing a plan, try to speak in a
sequential order and provide facts and details for
credibility. To win their trust, be honest and polite and
explain how you feel about what you’re saying. To persuade
them, show how your message correlates with their value
system or positively impacts people. Mention points of
agreement and positives before giving criticism. As always
with SJ types, practical application is important.

Don'ts

Don’t disregard their feelings, values, or emotions. Their

values are just as real to them as any facts and are just
as important. Do not accuse them of being irrational if
they become emotional. Don’t belittle their value system
or their feelings. Don’t cut them off when they’re
speaking. Don’t jump all over the place while talking, try
to keep your message clear and linear.

7
 COMMUNICATING
WITH AN ISTP
Do's
At the beginning of the conversation, state clearly what
your message is about. Be straightforward, concise, and
realistic. To gain their trust, show that there’s a practical,
immediate application for what you’re talking about and
that you have a logical rationale behind what you’re saying.
To generate interest, appeal to their desire for action and
sensory exploration. Use hands-on demonstrations if it’s
applicable. Keep your message simple and to-the-point.
Listen carefully to what they have to say and respect their
privacy.

Don'ts
Don’t overschedule their time or drone on for hours. Try
to be concise and direct. Don’t ask invasive personal
questions. They are very private people, and will initiate
that kind of conversation when they’re ready. Try to
avoid making emotional appeals or using emotions to
manipulate them. This will instantly turn them off. Don’t
talk over them. ISTPs are not very talkative, and they
choose their words carefully. If you talk over them you
may miss an extremely important message they’re trying
to communicate.

8
 COMMUNICATING
WITH AN ISFP
Do's
At the beginning of the conversation, be clear and friendly
in what you are trying to convey. To win the ISFP’s trust,
show that you’ve thought through what you’re saying and
that you’ve considered their personal experience and
values. Be honest! ISFPs are excellent at spotting phoniness
or hidden agendas. To generate interest, show how your
message will benefit others in a practical way. Try to ask
their opinions and feedback. Appeal to their fun-loving,
sensory side by explaining real, tangible details and
enjoyments.

Don'ts
Don’t invade their privacy. ISFPs are very private
individuals and will not feel comfortable with highly
invasive questions unless they know you very well. Don’t
push them into social engagements or public speaking as
this can be very stressful for them. Keep your voice calm
and refrain from yelling or getting physically
overbearing. Do not put down their emotions, values, or
sensitivity. Don’t expect an immediate reaction or answer
to what you’re suggesting, and give them plenty of time
to think things over.

9
 COMMUNICATING
WITH AN ESTP
Do's
At the beginning of the conversation, be straightforward,
clear and friendly in what you’re trying to say. Get
straight to the point and provide proof and evidence to
support your claims. Keep your message simple, but
provide plenty of options if they need them. To persuade
an ESTP, focus on practical application or enjoyment.
ESTPs enjoy an element of risk, so appeal to their ability
to take smart, calculated chances.

Don'ts

Don’t talk down to them or underestimate their logical

mindset. ESTPs introvert their analytical thinking side
and so more extraverted thinking types can make
incorrect assumptions about their ability to understand
complexities. Don’t impose on their time and expect them
to instantly conform to your agenda. Don’t take yourself
too seriously. ESTPs can take you seriously while still
maintaining a light-hearted, witty demeanor. Don’t take
their friendly banter and casual ribbing as a sign of
disinterest or condescension.

10
 COMMUNICATING
WITH AN ESFP
Do's
At the beginning of the conversation, be direct and
focused in what you are trying to say. Try to prioritize
what is realistic and practical and lay things out in a
sequential order. Be polite and conscientious and show
appreciation for their viewpoints and ideas. To gain an
ESFPs trust, be friendly and authentic; they are quick to
spot phoniness. To persuade an ESFP, explain how your
message will benefit others or has a practical application.
Show them how your idea might provide sensory
enjoyment if applicable.

Don'ts

Don’t take yourself too seriously. ESFPs are friendly and

casual and prefer to be around people of the same. Don’t
invade their privacy. Even though the ESFP is usually
outgoing, they can be very private about their personal
lives. Don’t try to focus too extensively on the future,
ESFPs are people of the moment and can be stressed by
having to project far off into the future. Don’t “beat
around the bush”, ESFPs like it when people get straight
to the point. Don’t push them to make a decision before
they are ready; give them time to think things through.

11
 COMMUNICATING
WITH AN INTJ
Do's
When speaking with an INTJ, it’s important to be logical
and focused on the big picture. Show them how your
message fits into a larger future vision or framework.
Give them time to absorb your ideas and input before
having a long discussion. Focus on strategy, planning, and
logic. To gain their trust, be authentic, respectful, and
calm. To gain their interest, give them a complex problem
to solve or ask them for long-range strategies. Show
appreciation for their insight and analytical skills.

Don'ts

Don’t overwhelm them with a bunch of concrete details.

They will ask for details if necessary, but they will first
want to see the “big picture”. Don’t belittle their visionary,
out-of-the-box ideas. Don’t rigidly stick to the “tried-and-
true” technique; be willing to see a new perspective, and
be prepared for them to play devil’s advocate. Don’t rely
on emotional appeals; this will only frustrate them. Never,
ever try to manipulate an INTJ.

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 COMMUNICATING
WITH AN INFJ
Do's
When speaking with an INFJ, focus on your vision or goal
for the future. INFJs are big-picture people and they will
want to know how your message fits into a larger
personal or global plan. Ask for their ideas, their insight
into people, or creative solutions and possibilities. To gain
an INFJ’s trust, be conscientious and honest; they are
quick to spot hidden motives or deceit. To persuade an
INFJ, focus on how your message will benefit humanity in
some way. Be ready to analyze, plan, and strategize. They
may play devil’s advocate if you are completely set on
one viewpoint.

Don'ts

Don’t rush them to come up with a conclusion, give them

time to analyze and think things over. Don’t dismiss their
abstract, theoretical approach. The INFJ thinks in
extremely symbolic, abstract terms and it can be difficult
for them to express their viewpoint in a straightforward,
sequential format. Don’t patronize them if you don’t
understand them, this will never go well. Don’t expect
them to accept the “tried-and-true” technique when
moving forward with something. They don’t trust other
people’s personal experience as strong grounds for
moving forward in a particular way.

13
 COMMUNICATING
WITH AN ENTJ
Do's
When speaking with an ENTJ, it’s important to be
confident, direct, and logical. Get to the point and
don’t waste time with a lot of extraneous details. To
gain their trust, make sure your opinions are
researched and well thought-out. Be honest. To gain
their interest, show how your message fits into the big
picture or is innovative. Show that you are a hard-
worker that believes in your message.

Don'ts

Don’t beat around the bush or give a bunch of side-

notes. Be direct and on-point. Don’t be wishy-washy
or apologetic. Don’t make emotional appeals to get
your point across and don’t waste time with social
niceties and excessive tactfulness. Don’t “suck up” to
them or try to win them over with flattery.
Don’t make uninformed judgments.

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 COMMUNICATING
WITH AN ENFJ
Do's
When speaking with an ENFJ, focus on the big picture
and how your message will positively impact
humanity. Ask for their ideas and insight into the
people involved or what an ideal plan would be. Show
compassion and kindness in your words. Be sincere,
focused, and show that you care about them by
maintaining eye contact. If giving criticism, make sure
to start by pointing out areas where you appreciate
them first. Let them know that the criticism isn’t
meant to harm or hurt their feelings.

Don'ts
Never dismiss their feelings or values or try to talk
them out of anything that has been laid on their
conscience. Don’t rush them along or cut them off; the
ENFJ likes to “talk things out” and will feel frustrated
if someone hurries them along too much. Don’t gossip
or talk badly about other people; healthy ENFJs will
be turned off by this. Don’t focus too extensively on
concrete details; ENFJs care less for this than they do
for the big picture or personal side of what you are
saying. They’ll ask for details if they need them.

15
 COMMUNICATING
WITH AN INTP
Do's
When speaking with an INTP, it’s important to be
logical and open-minded. INTPs like to analyze and
consider many possibilities and angles, and they need
time to think things through before giving an answer.
Try to be creative and unprejudiced when speaking
with the INTP; don’t throw a lot of rigid rules and
structure at them. To gain their trust, be as
reasonable and honest as possible. To gain their
interest, give them a puzzle or impersonal problem to
solve. They enjoy brain-teasers and complexities.
Show appreciation for their creative problem-solving
skills.
Don'ts
Don’t make them conform to rigid rules or the “tried-
and-true” technique. As intuitives they are more
likely to see innovative pathways than rely on past
techniques. Don’t rush them to make a decision; they
like to have time to mull things over. Don’t get overly
emotional; try to stay calm and steady when
discussing disagreements. Don’t invade their privacy;
they tend to be reserved.

16
 COMMUNICATING
WITH AN INFP
Do's
When speaking with an INFP, the most important thing
to remember is to be conscientious and honest. INFPs
instantly spot dishonesty, and they are very sensitive to
criticism or harsh words. Give them time to think through
what you’re saying and consider the future implications
of your ideas. To gain an INFPs trust, you must be sincere
in what you say. To persuade an INFP, focus on how your
message will benefit others or how your message provides
creative opportunities. If you really want to make an
impact, learn about the INFPs passions and find links
between your message and their passion.

Don'ts
Don’t dismiss their feelings or values, these are extremely
personal and important to them and dismissing them
could cause irreparable harm to your relationship. Don’t
rush them to make a decision; give them plenty of time to
mull things over and think of alternatives. Don’t be
married to one specific rule or plan; INFPs like to modify
and change plans after reflection and consideration. Don’t
talk over the INFP or think of responses while they’re
talking. Truly listen. INFPs are some of the very best
listeners, and they rarely find people who listen as well as
they do. If you can truly listen to them you will have a
much better chance of being trusted.

17
 COMMUNICATING
WITH AN ENTP
Do's
When speaking with an ENTP, it’s important to be
open-minded, attentive, and ready to brainstorm.
To gain their trust, be unprejudiced, analytical, and
logical. To gain their interest, discuss
new/ingenious/novel ideas and theoretical
possibilities. Give them time to think things
through and discuss alternatives. Give them lots of
options and inspirations for a future outcome.
Make sure your opinions are well researched and
logical. Be open to friendly debate.

Don'ts
Don’t stifle their brainstorming or make them
conform to rigid rules, this will frustrate them.
Don’t overwhelm them with a multitude of
concrete details; let them ask for more details if
they need them. Don’t make snap judgments or
decisions without researching them. Don’t rely on
emotional appeals to get what you want.

18
 COMMUNICATING
WITH AN ENFP
Do's
When speaking with an ENFP, it’s important to be open-
minded and willing to brainstorm. ENFPs see numerous
possibilities everywhere and love to discuss them with
others. To gain their trust, be honest and unprejudiced.
ENFPs are quick to spot phoniness, and hate anything
that isn’t 100% sincere. To gain their interest, focus on the
future and theoretical possibilities. Present lots of options
and focus on potential. Keep them involved and have
interactive communication. Listen.

Don'ts
Don’t limit the ENFP. They are masters of brainstorming
and idea-generating and will feel instantly rebuffed if you
have a rigid mindset. Don’t focus on numerous concrete
details, this will frustrate them. They will ask for details if
they need them. Don’t shut down their possibility-focused
mind; try to keep yourself open to what they’re
considering. Don’t be too uptight or formal, try to keep
things casual and friendly. Don’t pry into their personal
life too early on; because ENFPs use Introverted Feeling
(Fi) they keep their emotions relatively private except
with very close friends.

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