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O C T. 2 5 , 2 0 1 7

An Actual Bad Teacher Explains Why ‘Bad

Teacher’ Is the Truest Teaching Movie Ever
By Joe Blevins

Though it pulled in over $200 million on a $20 million budget, Jake Kasdan’s raunchy
2011 comedy Bad Teacher is nobody’s idea of a masterpiece. It’s the kind of movie that cable
networks use to pad out their schedules when they have nothing better to run. The
Cameron Diaz vehicle never even got a proper sequel, though it did inspire a short-lived
CBS series in 2014.  

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Of the original film, Roger Ebert complained that it “immediately brings Bad Santa to
mind and suffers by the comparison.” He’s not wholly wrong. Kasdan’s movie is slack,
unambitious, spotty, and only sporadically funny. It goes for cheap laughs, and the
romantic subplot (pairing Diaz with doofy gym teacher Jason Segel) feels underdone. And
yet, thanks to some sharp performances and an (occasionally) observant screenplay by
Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg, Bad Teacher gets an astonishing number of details
correct about the teaching profession. This movie knows things that other classroom-based
movies don’t even come close to guessing. Every prospective teacher ought to see it.
 NT$480

NT$950

How do I know? Because I was a bad teacher myself, and my ill-fated career in education
bears numerous similarities to that of Elizabeth Halsey, Diaz’s character in the film.
Elizabeth teaches junior high, as did I. Her subject is American literature, which I also
taught. (I also taught some rudimentary Spanish.) And the film is set in suburban Cook
County, where I did most of my teaching.

Like Elizabeth Halsey, I never wanted to be a teacher. It was just something that happened.
I’d stayed in college an embarrassingly long time and had taken nothing particularly useful,
so what the hell else was I going to do? I entered my college’s education program with
absolutely zero enthusiasm. A faculty advisor told us that, for many people, teaching was
often a fallback career, a Plan B. He was right, except that I had no Plan A. I was kind of
hoping that someone would see I had no aptitude for this work and stop me from making a
huge mistake. No one did. I stuck with teaching for a few torturous years before dropping
out to become an office temp.

Being a real-life bad teacher is not as fun as the movie makes it look. I liken it to being a
standup comic at an endless open mic night in Hell. But it paid my rent and got me health
insurance. And I did learn a few things along the way, including these golden truths about
the education biz contained in Bad Teacher.

For instance:

1. When in doubt, play dead.

Roger Ebert complained that the Elizabeth Halsey character, a cynical pothead who
begrudgingly teaches so that she can save up for breast implants, is not “bad enough” to live
up to the title of her movie. And it’s true that Elizabeth is really more lethargic and lazy
than truly wicked or malicious. But this aspect of her personality really rang true with me.
If you suck at the job, as Elizabeth clearly does, the kids will spot it immediately. Trying to
win a battle of wits or wills with junior high students is a lose-lose situation. They have
 more energy and stamina than you do, and their careers aren’t on the line. You’ll just end
up making yourself miserable, and the kids get free entertainment at your expense.

For the bad teacher, then, the only viable solution for making it through the day is to turn
off your emotions entirely. Go limp. Play dead. Disengage from your surroundings. And
that’s exactly what Elizabeth does in the movie. I noticed that, for the first half of the film,
she rarely steps out from behind her desk. She tries to keep interactions with students to a
minimum. Once the students see that they can’t get a rise out of you, most will stop trying.

2. At all costs, avoid “perfect” teachers.

One of the best parts of Bad Teacher is the character of Amy Squirrel, as played by British
actress Lucy Punch. Amy is a terminally perky overachiever who becomes Elizabeth’s
professional rival as well as her romantic rival, as they both vie for the affections of
dweebish coworker Scott (Justin Timberlake). As the film progresses, Amy is driven to
madness as she fails again and again to topple Elizabeth. By the end, hellbent on revenge,
she could be described as a cross between Captain Ahab and Frank Grimes.

While Ms. Squirrel is an extreme case, I definitely knew teachers like her. Their lesson
plans are complete months in advance. Their rooms are neat as a pin, with motivational
posters in every corner. These teachers gladly volunteer for extracurricular activities and
fundraisers, usually as an attempt to get in good with the administration. And, trust me,
they’re not shy about dispensing unsolicited advice, just as Amy does to Elizabeth. Because
this is a movie, their rivalry goes to a ridiculous extreme, but it’s rooted in reality. At one
school where I worked, the English teachers got along so poorly that the librarian had to
act as our department chair just to keep the peace.

And speaking of keeping the peace…

3. Remember that administrators mainly just want to avoid controversy.

l Bad Teacher Explains Why ‘Bad

Another Teacher’ Is
brilliantly the Truestcharacter
observed Teaching Movie Eve
in the movie is Principal Wally Snur, a fumfering,
+
ineffectual nebbish played to perfection by John Michael Higgins. Like many real
principals I knew, Wally desperately wishes that any actual problem in the school would be
kept far away from his desk. Being a school administrator is an inherently tense, ulcer-
creating job. (Think of poor Principal McVicker on Beavis & Butt-head.) A successful
principal must keep the student body relatively under control while simultaneously
appeasing both the faculty and the parents. It’s like a plate-spinning act, except that it
doesn’t end after a few minutes.

Considering all this, it’s understandable that Wally is very hesitant to fire or even discipline
Elizabeth, even when Amy keeps bringing him evidence of the titular bad teacher’s many
shortcomings and misdeeds. Sure, Elizabeth skimmed off the top of a school car wash, but
it was still a highly profitable fundraiser, so Wally is willing to look the other way. Amy is
livid about this, but just about everyone else involved is satisfied. And that’s what being a
principal is about: making as many people happy as possible.

The best strategy for a subpar teacher who wants to stay employed is to lay low, avoid
making waves, and hope that the principal barely knows who you are. Principals have
enough headaches; don’t give them any more. That said, Elizabeth’s biggest blunder in the
movie is her blatant drug use on school property. This is the kind of thing even Wally
couldn’t ignore. Elizabeth is no dummy; she should be too smart to smoke pot in the
parking lot or the gymnasium. Keep that shit at home.

4. A veteran teacher who isn’t an asshole can be your best friend.

While Bad Teacher is (self-evidently) about a bad teacher, the film also provides an example
of a good teacher, and it’s not perfectionist Amy Squirrel. Instead, the real role model here
is Lynn Davis (played by The Office’s Phyllis Smith), a soft-spoken, unassuming woman who
befriends Elizabeth. I met numerous teachers who were a lot like Lynn. These are the true
heroes of the educational system. They do their jobs competently without fanfare, year after
year. Plus, they generally get along with everyone, including the faculty and the students.
Cherish them like gold.

In the film, Lynn becomes a valuable ally and confessor figure to Elizabeth. This is a wise
choice of companion on Elizabeth’s part. Teachers like Lynn can help newbies navigate the
often choppy waters of school politics. They may have valuable suggestions on dealing with
particularly difficult students, parents, or administrators. Better yet, they may even cover
for you if you happen to duck out on one of the many, many dull staff meetings that
teachers have to endure.

5. Standardized tests are your god. Pray to them.

Bad Teacher is an episodic affair that’s generally pretty light on plot. The most important
thread in the film deals with Elizabeth’s attempts to cheat on a statewide standardized test.
The teacher whose students score the highest on the test gets a hefty bonus check, and
Elizabeth wants that money to put toward her breast implants. She dons a (stolen) Annie
wig and seduces and drugs the hapless Carl (Thomas Lennon), an employee of the test
company, so that she can steal an answer key from his office. And this scheme basically
works. She’s caught – yet again – by Amy, but she’s able to weasel her way out of it. There
are no long-term consequences for her actions, and I’m pretty sure she even gets to keep
that bonus check.

This subplot is, like most of the movie, a silly exaggeration. But yet again, there’s a grain of
truth in it, too. Standardized tests are beloved by politicians, pundits, and parents, most of
whom haven’t set foot in a classroom since they were students themselves. The reason is
simple: These tests take something very abstract (student achievement) and turn it into
something simple and comprehensible (a number or, rather, a bunch of numbers). Nearly
every teacher I knew had a healthy contempt for standardized tests, but we couldn’t deny
the power they had over our lives and careers. While we wouldn’t do what Elizabeth does,
we probably wouldn’t condemn her for it, either.

And, hey, the movie has one more unexpected lesson up its sleeve. Elizabeth’s desire to get
that bonus check is what jolts her out of her complacency and makes her actually teach
instead of showing movies every day. So maybe, as profoundly dumb as they are,
standardized tests do have some value.

LE AVE A COMMENT
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