Interlude 6

In Case of Fish: Epilogue

(CASEY, WARWICK, and FRANC.)
CASEY. So your alibi is . . . a botched jewel theft?
FRANC. Well, I would argue that it was a successful jewel theft.
Perhaps an unsuccessful jewel SALE, but the theft went very well.
And you see, I couldn’t have committed the murder!
CASEY. Because you were busy stealing diamonds! That’s some alibi!
FRANC. (Philosophical:) In a way, didn’t I actually kind of not steal the
diamonds, since the tables were turned and I didn’t make any money?
CASEY. No! That’s not how any of this works at all!
FRANC. No I’m pretty sure it is, if you steal something and then don’t
make any money, that’s double indemnity.
CASEY. That is not what double indemnity is!
WARWICK. What does it matter? Franc, I’m frankly very hurt that
you would pull off a diamond heist and not even invite me.
CASEY. Warwick, this guy’s in huge trouble and it didn’t even work!
WARWICK. I just like to be included!!!
FRANC. I’m sorry, Warwick. I think it’s just, you are so good at
karaoke, you have a bright future, you have people’s respect. I
thought you didn’t need it.
WARWICK. Well, I suppose that’s understandable. You have
conducted yourself in a manner unworthy of your mac and cheese,
but I accept your apology.
FRANC. Still friends?
WARWICK. Always, you magnificent animal. Do you need a
character witness for your trial?
FRANC. They can’t have a trial, it’s double indemnity!
CASEY. NO IT ISN’T! . . . but maybe, maybe I can keep it under
wraps if you can let me know what Arlington was up to in the days
leading up to the murder.
FRANC. Well I did have a strange conversation with him one night
when he came to the kitchen for a midnight snack. I was still there
getting breakfast ready for the next day. He said to me, “Franc, you’re
hiding something.” I said, “Hahahaha! Surely not muffins and some
silverware under my hat, that would be wrong.” He said, “What?” I
said, “Nothing.”
CASEY. I feel like I’m watching tennis here.
FRANC. But then he said, “If I were to cook up something of my own,
a criminal organization for example, maybe you could be a key
ingredient.” And I said “I don’t understand you, I’m French.” He said,
“Sure you are, Franc. Sure you are. Keep those knives sharp.” It was
very strange.
CASEY. All right, thank you Franc. Please join the others outside. I
have a feeling it’s not going to be long before things boil over.
(FRANC exits.)
(CASEY and WARWICK go straight into the next Prologue.)
The Incredible Season Finale: Prologue
(CASEY, WARWICK, and VIVIAN.)
WARWICK. Professor Vivian Strict, scholar and prominent anti-
Arlington critic.
VIVIAN. Let me show you my credentials so we can clear this up
quickly, Detective. One look at my publications and my many degrees
will show that I am not some kind of criminal.
CASEY. The only degrees I’m interested in are murder in the first or
second.
VIVIAN. I am a scholar, not a killer! Diplomas on my wall! Jackets
with elbow patches on them!
CASEY. And a long-standing feud with one J. Leslie Arlington.
VIVIAN. But Detective, I have reasons for wanting him alive. Most of
my intellectual pursuits are not very commercial, but everyone likes
reading about super-rich weirdos.