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  • Joline Kinsachi 468128 0

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    Haru Linfred
    4 views2 pages
    The document provides feedback on a draft, suggesting two changes: 1) Move the opening statement before the thesis statement. 2) Reword the definition of a first aid kit to be more engaging, replacing "A first aid kit is a collection of supplies and equipment that is used to give medical treatment to people who are injured" with "First aid kit is essential supplies...".

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    The document provides feedback on a draft, suggesting two changes: 1) Move the opening statement before the thesis statement. 2) Reword the definition of a first aid kit to be more engaging, replacing "A first aid kit is a collection of supplies and equipment that is used to give medical treatment to people who are injured" with "First aid kit is essential supplies...".

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    © All Rights Reserved
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    4 views2 pages

    Joline Kinsachi 468128 0

    Uploaded by

    Haru Linfred
    The document provides feedback on a draft, suggesting two changes: 1) Move the opening statement before the thesis statement. 2) Reword the definition of a first aid kit to be more engaging, replacing "A first aid kit is a collection of supplies and equipment that is used to give medical treatment to people who are injured" with "First aid kit is essential supplies...".

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    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
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    Index of comments

    1.1 well done Joline, that is a good draft. Well here is my suggestion and feedbacks.

    1. Move your opening statement to before the thesis statement.


    2. Instead of ". A first aid kit is a collection of supplies and equipment that is used to give medical treatment to
    people who are injured. " you can also make it more engaging. "First aid kit is essential supplies..."

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