The Vertical Marriage 1

THE VERTICAL MARRIAGE
TABLE OF CONTENTS
THE VERTICAL PURPOSE: ......................................... 3
THE MARRIAGE WHEEL ......................................... 12
THE VERTICAL HUSBAND: ...................................... 13
THE VERTICAL WIFE: ............................................. 20
HOW THE WHEEL KEEPS SPINNING ......................... 31
VERTICAL COMMUNICATION: ................................ 44
A VERTICAL VIEW OF SEX ...................................... 52
A VERTICAL VIEW OF MONEY ................................. 58
THE VERTICAL MARRIAGE 2

THE VERTICAL PURPOSE:
Explain briefly why you want to get married.
Bad Reasons to Get Married:

________________________________________________________________________
There are many bad reasons to get married and it can be very easy to enter marriage
with these expectations of what the marriage will bring you.
§ Love
How does the world define love?
What do the following passages say about how God defines love?
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Ephesians 4:1-2
1 Peter 4:8
1 John 4:7
Colossians 3:14
Does God define love as primarily an emotion or primarily an action?

§ Living the Dream
Young women dream about their wedding day. Young men dream about the
woman that they might marry someday. Marriage is portrayed as the “fairy
tale ending” often in children’s movies.
What does Matthew 6:33 tell us about what our pursuit should be?
How does that truth impact living for the “fairy tale ending?”
What are you hoping that marriage will bring you?
§ It’s the expectation
Culture, our families, and our friends often hold expectations of who we
should be. A very common expectation placed on us is that we will get
married and start a family.
According to 1 Corinthians 7:32-38, does God require you or hold an
expectation of you, that you will get married?
§ I want to have kids
Getting married because you want to have kids is starting a home off to be
child centered and not a home centered on God and His glory.
Why do you think starting a home off this way would be dangerous?
§ Financial Stability (1 Tim 6:17)
What caution does 1 Tim 6:17-19 give in regard to money?
Why does that make getting married for financial reasons a bad idea?

BIBLICAL FOUNDATIONS OF MARRIAGE
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1) GOD’S GLORY
What do the following passages say about what your purpose in life should be?
Isaiah 43:6-7
Romans 11:36
Colossians 1:16
Paul Tripp in his book “What did you Expect” rightly says “We cannot understand
what the Bible has to say about marriage by looking only at the marriage passages,
because there is a vast amount of biblical information about marriage not found in
the marriage passages.” In other words, verses that tell us about who we should be,
what our purpose in life is, and how we should honor the Lord have a huge bearing
on our marriage.
In light of that truth, and the truth of the previous verses, what should the purpose of
your marriage be?
THE GLORY OF GOD DEFINED:

________________________________________________________________________
Based on Acts 17:24-25, what does God gain from us living for His glory?
Based on Job 41:11, what does God need from us?

In Exodus 3:14 God tells Moses “I AM who I AM.” In other words God is saying that
He and He alone determine his existence and His character. They do not depend on
anything or anyone else. God is fully complete, lacking in nothing. He cannot be
improved and He has no need.
Read Isaiah 62:3-5 and Zephaniah 3:17-18.

What does God say He chooses to do even though He lacks in nothing?
It is an amazing fact that although God lacks in nothing he still chooses, in His infinite
knowledge and wisdom, to delight in us. He gains nothing from our obedience. He
gains nothing from our attempt to glorify Him and yet he chooses to delight in it. This
should give us great comfort that God is completely for us. How could God not be
acting for our good since He gains nothing from our obedience? Simply said God’s
commands to us must be for our benefit and not His own, because He needs nothing
from us. Paul speaks of this in Romans 8:28-32:
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,
for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he
foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in
order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom
he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and
those whom he justified he also glorified. What then shall we say to these
things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own
Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us
all things?”

WHAT IS GOD’S GLORY?
1) The glory of his eternality that makes the mind want to explode with the
infinite thought that God never had a beginning, but simply always was;
2) The glory of his knowledge that makes the Library of Congress look like a
matchbox and quantum physics like a first grade reader;
3) The glory of his wisdom that has never been and can never be counseled
by men;
4) The glory of his authority over heaven and earth and hell, without whose
permission no man and no demon can move one inch;
5) The glory of his providence without which not one bird falls to the ground
or a single hair turns gray;
6) The glory of his word that upholds the universe and keeps all the atoms
and molecules together;
7) The glory of his power to walk on water, cleanse lepers, heal the lame,
open the eyes of the blind, cause the deaf to hear, still storms with a
word, and raise the dead;
8) The glory of his purity never to sin, or to have a two-second bad attitude
or evil thought;
9) The glory of his trustworthiness never to break His word or let one
promise fall to the ground;
10) The glory of his justice to render all moral accounts in the universe settled
either on the cross or in hell;
11) The glory of his patience to endure our dullness for decade after decade;
12) The glory of his sovereign, slave-like obedience to embrace the

excruciating pain of the cross willingly;
13) The glory of his wrath that will one day cause people to call out for the
rocks and the mountains to fall on them;
14) The glory of his grace that justifies the ungodly;
15) The glory of his love that dies for us even while we were sinners.

2
1
IMPLICATIONS OF LIVING MY MARRIAGE FOR THE

GLORY OF GOD:
1) I improve my marriage by seeing more of God

The single best way to improve your marriage is not to read a book on how to
be a better husband or how to be a better wife. The single best way to improve
your marriage is to see God more fully. To get a greater glimpse of who God is,
how He acts, and what He is like. God has shown these things through His
word being demonstrated through Jesus. A greater focus on Jesus will lead to a
better marriage because we will be impacted by who He is and what He has
done.
9 GOSPEL TRUTHS THAT IMPACT YOUR MARRIAGE

1) Because of the gospel, Christians have become new creations (2 Corinthians
5:17). Therefore, in our marriage, our past does not define us, confine us, or
determine our future.
2) Because of the gospel, we are forgiven (Ephesians 1:7). Therefore we can live
free of all guilt and condemnation for every sin, and we can trust that God, in
his mercy, will be gracious to us.
3) Because of the gospel we can forgive, just as Christ forgave us (Ephesians
4:32). Nothing done against us compares to our sin against God. Therefore
all offenses, hostility, and bitterness between Christians can be completely
forgiven and removed.
4) Because of the gospel, we are accepted by God (Romans 15:7). Therefore we
are not dependent on a spouse for who we are or what we need.
5) Because of the gospel, sin's ruling power over us is broken (Romans 6:6, 14).
Therefore we can truly obey all that God calls us to do in our marriage,
regardless of any circumstance or situation.
6) Because of the gospel, we have access to God through Christ (Hebrews 4:14-
16). Therefore we can at any time take any need in our marriage to the One
who can do all things.
7) Because of the gospel, we have hope (Romans 5:1-4). Therefore we can
endure any marital difficulty, hardship, or suffering, with the assurance that
God is working all to our greatest good (Romans 8:28).
8) Because of the gospel, Christ dwells in us by his Holy Spirit (Galatians 3:13-
14). Therefore we are confident that God is always with us and is always at
work in our marriage, even when progress is imperceptible (1 Thessalonians
5:23-24).
9) Because of the gospel, we have power to fight and overcome remaining sin ,
which continues to dwell and war within us (Romans 7:19-21, 24-25;
Galatians 5:16-17). This indwelling enemy represents the essence of what is
called the doctrine of sin.
Taken From, Love That Lasts, Gary and Betsy Ricucci

2) I improve my marriage when God’s glory becomes more precious than my
marriage
Living for God should be the pursuit of your life. When you live for God all the
other things of your life fall into place.
In what ways do we live for God?
We live for God through the power of the gospel in our lives. When we
dwell on and reflect the gospel to our spouse, we are pursuing God in our
marriage. God’s glory is becoming more precious than our marriage.
We live for God by fulfilling the roles that God has designed for us in
our marriage. God has given us instruction on how life will go best for us.
That is ultimately for our good and His glory. When we seek to model those
roles from a heart of gratitude, God’s glory is becoming more precious than our
marriage.
What things do you have in place in your life to consistently see the beauty of
Jesus and the power of the gospel?
What things do you think should be in place in your future marriage to see the
beauty of Christ and the power of the gospel together?
2) GOD’S PICTURE
Read Ephesians 5:22-33
In what ways is marriage a picture of Christ and His relationship to the church?

Why do you think God uses Christ and the Church to describe the roles of
husband and wife?
Understanding that marriage is a picture of Christ in the church is significant for many
reasons. Here are three of those reasons:
1. It lifts marriage out of sitcom images and gives it the magnificent
meaning God meant it to have.
Marriage is a beautiful picture of how God interacts with His people. The
world tries to taint and mar the image of what marriage can and should
be. When we consider what Christ has done for the church and how
marriage reflects that we return marriage to it’s proper place, a God-
glorifying display of how He interacts with us.
2. It gives marriage a solid basis in grace, since Christ obtained and sustains
his bride by grace alone.
When we understand that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church it
has huge impact on the way we treat our spouse. It frees us to make
grace the foundation of our marriage.
3. It shows that both the role of husband and wife are rooted and defined in
Christ’s self-denying work on the cross so that pride and captivity are
cancelled.
The role of the husband is no more significant than the wife and vice
versa. When we see that both roles are rooted in who Christ is and what
He has done we will fully grasp that the different roles are only different
not more or less significant to the kingdom of God.
3) OUR COMMITMENT
YOU ARE CONDUCTING YOUR MARRIAGE IN A FALLEN WORLD
The reality of living in a fallen world is that you will not escape grief and you will not
escape trials. But the good news is that God is using those trials for your good and
His glory.
Paul Tripp says, “There is hope for you and your marriage because God is in the
middle of your circumstances, and he is using them to mold you into what he created
you to be. As he does this, you not only respond to life better, but you become a
better person to live with, which results in a better marriage.”

YOU ARE A SINNER MARRIED TO A SINNER
What does Romans 3:23 tell us about our sinfulness?
What does Romans 3:23 tell us about our spouse’s sinfulness?
Paul Tripp says, “Most of the troubles we face in marriage are not intentional
or personal. In most marriage situations, you do not face difficulty because
your spouse intentionally did something to make your life difficult. Yes, in
moments of anger that may happen. But most often, what is really happening
is that your life is being affected by the sin, weakness, and failure of the
person you are living with.“
How should this truth impact the way you see conflict within your marriage?
YOU HAVE BEEN POSITIONED TO HELP YOUR SPOUSE GROW AND CHANGE
What does Hebrews 10:23-24 indicate about how we should interact with other
believers?
How does that affect the way you should view your relationship with your spouse?
How do I daily influence the way my spouse thinks about God, him- or herself, and
life?

THE MARRIAGE WHEEL
WIFE’S ROLE HUSBAND’S ROLE
FOLLOW LOVE
FINISH LEARN
JESUS
FAN LEAD
WIFE WANTS: HUBAND WANTS:

SECURITY SIGNIFICANCE
WIFE’S HUSBAND’S
TENDENCY: TENDENCY:
NAG NEGLECT

THE VERTICAL HUSBAND:
As God established the purpose for marriage, he also designed how that purpose
would be accomplished. One of the things he established was a specific role for the
husband and wife.
As these roles are part of God’s original design, let us remember that God’s
evaluation of His design was that it is “very good.” Since God’s design is “very
good,” you must be diligent to learn and practice His design; resisting substitutes
that would lead to strife and division; thereby not accurately glorify God.
The husband must take the lead in orienting his life toward godliness as he sets the
example of commitment and obedience to God’s design - for the glory of God and
joy in the home.
I. GOD WANTS HUSBANDS TO BE LOVERS.

§ Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved
the church and gave Himself for her.”
§ Ephesians 5:28: “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their
own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.”
A. This is a command to action.
In order to glorify God (radiate His virtues) as husbands in loving our
wives, our love must be as the love of Christ.
1. Christ’s love is active.
In the following verses underline the action of love that is presented.
§ John 3:16: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only
be- gotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish
but have everlasting life.”
§ Galatians 2:20: “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer

I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in
the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and
gave Himself for me.”
§ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: “Love suffers long and is kind; love does

not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not
be- have rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks
no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all
things.”
In 1 Corinthians 13 the Greek words used to describe love are
all verbs. The focus is on what love does or does not do.
Biblical love is active not passive. It is an action not a feeling
first.

1 Corinthians 13 is the description of how we actively reflect
(glorify) Christ and His nature of love.
How active is your love for your wife?
2. Christ’s love is sacrificial.

Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved
the church and gave Himself for her.”
This was a willing choice Christ made (John 10:14-19) to do something
(Phil. 2:5ff) that would cost Him something (1 Peter 1:18,19) for the
glory of God (John 17:4) the good of the church (Eph. 1:3).
“A husband is not commanded to love his wife because of what she is
or is not. He is commanded to love her because it is God’s will for him
to love her... If every appealing characteristic and every virtue of his
wife disappears, a husband is still under just as great an obligation to
love her. If anything, he is under greater obligation, because her need
for the healing and restorative power of his selfless love is greater. That
is the kind of love Christ has for His church and is therefore the kind of
love every Christian husband is to have for his wife.” (The MacArthur
New Testament Commentary, Eph., p. 297)
In what ways did Christ sacrifice for us?
In what ways can a husband show sacrificial love for his wife?
3. Christ’s love is purifying.

Ephesians 5:26-27: “That He might sanctify and cleanse her with the
washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a
glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that
she should be holy and without blemish.
The husband is to help his wife grow in godliness to prepare her to
give a good account when she stands at the judgment seat of Christ (2
Cor. 5:9,10).
What are some things a husband can do to help keep his wife “pure”
while living in this world?

4. Christ’s love is caring.
Eph. 5:28-30: “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their
own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated
his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the
church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
Colossians 3:9: “Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter
[harsh] toward them.”
As the husband gives caring welfare to his own body so he is to
provide caring welfare for his wife. He is to nourish his wife; provide
for her needs, to give what she needs to grow and mature in all aspects
of life. He is to cherish his wife; to treat her with tender love, to foster
with tender care.
What are some things a man might treat with tender care?
What are some practical ways a husband can show loving care to his
wife?
5. Christ’s love is permanent.

Ephesians 5:31: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and
mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
Cleave means to be glued or cemented together. The new relationship
between husband and wife is more binding and permanent than the
parent-child relationship.
When problems arise do we as husbands handle them in such a way as
to communicate the permanence of our love for our wives?
What does Romans 8:38-39 communicate about the permanence of

the love of Christ for us?
“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor
principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor
height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to
separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
What are some practical ways a husband can communicate the

permanence of his love to his wife?

II. GOD WANTS HUSBANDS TO BE LEARNERS.
I Peter 3:7: “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding,
giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs
together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”
A. God stated this principle in the form of a command.
This is not a take-it or leave-it activity. It is not only for those who have a
sensitive personality. All husbands are to obey this command.
B. It is a command that affects every day living.
The command to “dwell with them” implies more than sharing the same
address. It is an activity to which he is to be continually giving himself.
C. It is a command to learn about your wife and live with her based
on what you learn.
The word “understanding” actually comes from a Greek word that is also
translated “knowledge.” This particular word means knowledge based on
personal experience. That is, because of what you’ve done with your wife,
because of interaction with her, you understand or know her.
Some men might say, “You just can’t understand a woman.” But God says
to husbands, you must understand your wife and you must learn to “live
with them in an understanding way” (I Peter 3:7).
What things should a husband seek to understand about his wife?
How would understanding certain things about your wife affect the way
you live with her?
In what kind of situations do husbands especially need to work hard at

being learners of their wives?
What are some attitudes or hindrances on the part of a husband that may
keep him from being a learner?

D. Being a learner involves showing honor to your wife.
1. “Giving honor” = careful regard, consideration or
recognition because of its substantial value
Note: The responsibility here is on the husband to give the honor to his
wife. Therefore, a husband cannot use the excuse that “she doesn’t
deserve it.” The husband must give honor to his wife by being a
learner regardless of his wife’s imperfections.
2. Because she is the weaker vessel.
Weaker refers to physical stamina. It is a comparative word that implies
that husbands are physically stronger. Therefore he ought to shoulder
the heavier burdens, protect his wife and provide according to her
needs.
List some ways a husband may show honor to his wife because he
understands her status as the weaker vessel.
3. Because husband and wives are heirs together of the grace of

life.
Romans 8:16-17: “The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that
we are children of God, and if children, then heirs — heirs of God and
joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also
be glorified together.”
How should this truth influence the husband’s attitudes and actions
toward his wife?
In some cultures women were not held in high regard. That is not to be
the case in a Christian marriage.
The husband is to TREAT HER WITH HONOR! The Christian husband
and wife are HEIRS TOGETHER. They’re on the same team! They have
the same grace to help in time of need.
4. So that your prayers may not be hindered.
“Hindered” – means to cut in, to interrupt (Word Studies in the Greek
New Testament, Wuest, p.83)
If husband and wife are failing to live according to God’s plan in their
respective roles their prayers with each other and before God will be
interrupted.

What are some implications to a marriage and family if the prayers of
the couple are being hindered and interrupted by disobedience to
God?
III. GOD WANTS HUSBANDS TO BE LEADERS.

A. The husband is the head of the wife.
Ephesians 5:23: “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is
head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
For effective function and for proper display of the relationship that
exists between Christ and the church, God’s design is for the husband
to be the leader (head) in the family. He is the ultimate authority within
the family as Christ is the ultimate authority to the church.
The husband must be sure to follow Christ’s example of authoritative
leadership.
B. The husband is a servant-leader.
According to Matthew 20:20-28, what did Jesus declare was the chief
characteristic of one who leads?
“But Jesus called them to Himself and said, You know that the
rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great
exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you;
but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be
your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let
him be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be
served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”
C. He leads for God’s glory.

“I have glorified You on the earth. I have finished the work which You
have given Me to do.” John 17:4
D. He leads for the well-being of others.
1. For the well-being of the wife
Ephesians 2:25-27: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also
loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify
and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He
might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or
wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without

blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives thier as own
bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated
his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does
the church.”
2. For the well-being of the children
Ephesians 6:4: “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to
wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the
Lord.”
E. He leads by example.
How did Jesus set the example of servant leadership in John 13:1- 15?
After Paul gave the command to put others before self in Phil. 2:3- 8,
what example did Paul give to illustrate this in practice?
F. He leads humbly.
Philippians 2:5-8: “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ
Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be
equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of
a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in
appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to
the point of death, even the death of the cross.”
Which form(s) of leadership would you select as needing development
in your life?
The husband has a great privilege and responsibility in representing

Christ in the family.
His confidence can be that as he submits in humble obedience to God,
God is able to make all grace abound to him so that he will abound in
every good work. In this way God is glorified and the family members
enjoy fellowship with God and each other.

THE VERTICAL WIFE:
As a wife God has given you a unique opportunity of bringing Him glory. His plan is
for our marriages to glorify Him – to display or reflect what is true of Him. What a joy
to think about the fact that we can reflect the character of God to our husbands in a
very personal and beautiful way.
List some attributes of God (i.e. forgiveness, mercy, kindness) that you can be
displaying as you relate to your husband. Put a star by the ones in which you need to
grow the most to be an accurate reflection of God’s character:
In this lesson we will study three key biblical words that explain the wife’s role in
marriage: submission, helper and respect.
I. GOD WANTS WIVES TO BE FOLLOWERS

Though not “culturally acceptable,” the Biblical word for following is
submission. However, when we understand submission from God’s
perspective it is a beautiful picture of Christ and the church.
SUBMISSION IS NOT JUST A WOMAN’S ISSUE.
Though in some ways we are all called to submit this does not come naturally
for any of us. Consider the following biblical ideas:
1. The problem with submission began in heaven.
Isaiah 14:13:But you said in your heart, “I will ascend to heaven; I will raise
my throne above the stars of God, and I will sit on the mount of assembly in
the recesses of the north.” The choice we face is to be like Jesus Christ who
was totally submissive to the Father to the extent of death (John 5:30,
6:38, 8:28-29, 14:31 and Luke 22:42) or to be like Satan, our adversary,
who seeks our destruction (I Peter 5:8).
2. Lack of submission was at the forefront of the fall of man in the Garden of
Eden.
Satan tempted Eve by telling her that she could be her own god and no
longer have to be in submission to the plan and program of the Creator.
Genesis 3:4 “And the serpent said to the woman, ‘You surely shall not die!
For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened and
you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”’ Satan was in essence telling

Eve “You can run your own life. You don’t have to submit to anyone else’s
authority – not even God’s.”
3. Unwillingness to submit to God is a problem for all humans.
Isaiah 53:6 “All we like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to
his own way; but the LORD has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on Him.”
All humans must subject themselves to authorities:
List authorities to which husbands and wives alike must submit:
THE BIBLICAL COMMAND FOR SUBMISSION

Eph. 5:22-24: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the
Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the
church: and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto
Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” (see also Col.
3:18, I Peter 3:1 )
From Ephesians chapter 1 list five answers to this question: Who am I in Christ?
From where did this identity come from? Why is that important?

WHAT SUBMISSION IS NOT:
1. Submission does not mean that as wives we are inferior to our
husbands.
The greatest example of this truth is how Jesus Christ submitted to the
Heavenly Father.
§ John 5:30: “I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge; and My

judgment is just, because I seek not my own will, but the will of Him who
sent me.”
§ John 6:38: “For I have down from heaven, not to do my own will, but the
will of Him who sent me.”
§ John 14:31: “But I do as the Father has commanded me, so that the world
may know that I love the Father.”
§ Luke 22:42: “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me.
Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done.”
§ I Corinthians 11:3: “But I want you to understand that the head of every
man is Christ, and the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ
is God.”
§ Genesis 1:27: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God
created He him; male and female created He them.” Both man and
woman were created in the image of God.
§ I Peter 3:7: Calls husband and wife “heirs together of the grace of life.”
CONCLUSION: As Christ is not inferior to the Father but subordinated

Himself to the Father in order to carry out God’s plan of redemption, so
the wife submits herself to her husband so God’s plan for the family can be
carried out.
2. Submission does not mean that our husbands are infallible.

When they fail or make a decision with which we do not agree, this should not
surprise us because the Gospel tells us they are sinners. When we submit to
our husbands it is not because they are worthy but because Christ is worthy
and He has called us to submission.
3. Submission does not mean that we as wives cannot think or be

productive.
Look at these action descriptions for the Proverbs 31 woman. Underline the
words that indicate she was highly productive.

§ She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.
§ She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and
portions for her maidens.
§ She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a
vineyard.
§ She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.
§ She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go
out at night.
§ She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.
§ She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.
§ She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
§ She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the
merchant.
§ She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of
idleness.
WHAT SUBMISSION IS:

1. Submission is ranking under
“Voluntarily place oneself under.” The Greek verb for “submit” is a military
term, which means to be ranked under.
Regarding the Scriptural call to the wife to be subject to her husband, it is her
ranking herself under her husband’s authority. She has a different rank, not
an inferior position. This ranking under is for the purpose of order and
harmony in the home. Remember though that you voluntarily placing
yourself under the leadership of a sinful man.
List some examples of disorder and disharmony you have seen as a result of
your reluctance to submit:

2. Submission is a picture of the church submitting to and obeying
Christ.
Ephesians 5:23: “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the
head of the church. He Himself being the Savior of the body.”
“The husband is to mirror the sacrificial love of Christ by laying down his life
for his wife, and the wife is to exemplify the church’s joyful submission to
Christ by following her husband’s leadership.” (Feminine Appeal, Carolyn
Mahaney, p. 138)
3. Submission, as all of God-ordained authority, is God’s means of

protection for the wife.
All of God’s commands to us are a means of grace. God doesn’t give us
rules and regulations to frustrate us but rather to protect us and to say, “this
is how life will go best for you.” When we choose to sin we choose to not
operate in how God has created the world to function.
Submission allows the wife to function according to God’s wise, kind and
loving design. God’s ordained authority provides spiritual covering and
protection.
In Christian Living in the Home, Jay Adams wrote: “Submission does not
remove freedom, it allows for it. When is the train freer – when it is bumping
over the hillside off the track or when it is smoothly running along the track,
confined or restricted, if you will, to the track? It is freer when it is where it
ought to be, doing what it was intended to do. Restricted to the track means
freedom. Confined to the track means ability to perform as it was intended
to perform as it was intended to perform. What really brings freedom?
Getting on the right track.”
4. Having an unsaved or ungodly husband does not negate the
command.
I Peter 3:1-2 “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even
if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the
conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
“Our submission to our husband whether or not he is a Christian, whether or
not he is obeying God, preaches a lovelier and more powerful sermon than
our mouth ever could.” (Elizabeth George, A Woman After God’s Own
Heart, p. 69)
Note of exception: A request from the husband that would cause the
wife to sin exempts the wife from submission to her husband in that
particular case (cf. Acts 5:29). He has removed himself from God’s
chain of authority and she must obey her higher authority, God. “Even
though a husband has God-given authority over his wife, only God has
absolute authority over her. In other words, God’s authority is higher.
So, if her husband asks her to sin, she must ‘obey God rather than
man.’” (Excellent Wife, Martha Peace, p. 140) For examples of how
husbands might ask their wives to sin, see Excellent Wife pgs 140-142)

5. Submission is a spiritual matter
“as unto the Lord.” (Eph 5:22)
When a wife places herself under her husband’s authority, she is really
placing herself under God’s authority because it is His design and
command. Scripture does not call us to place our hope in our husbands, but
in God.
I Peter 3:3-5: “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of
plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it
be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the
ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great
price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted
in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands…”
Submission, at the heart level, simply trusts in God who controls every detail
of our lives for His glory and our good (Ps. 139:16, Rom. 8:28-29). It is a
display of our confidence in our sovereign Creator and Redeemer.
6. Lack of submission includes more than outright disobedience.
It includes:
§ Arguing
§ Pouting
§ Cold shoulder
§ Over-talking, interrupting
§ Speaking in demeaning way to or about him
§ Making important decisions without consulting him
§ Disregarding his wishes or advice
§ Knowingly doing things that annoy him
What other ways do you see lack of submission displayed?
These responses are always sinful no matter who we are responding to, but
they are especially offensive to God when we used these methods with our
husbands because he has specifically commanded us to respect and submit
to our husbands.

II. GOD WANTS WIVES TO BE FINISHERS
Genesis 2:18: “Then the LORD God said, it is not good for the man to be alone;
I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
Though only GOD can complete, or “finish” a man, God has also given wives
to help husbands be complete here on earth.
Here are some reasons:
A. It was not good for man to be alone.
“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I
will make him an help meet for him.” There are two Hebrew ways of
saying “not good.” The first means something is lacking – like a food
lacks enough salt. The second means “positively bad.” This second
usage is what we see in this passage. Why was Adam alone, without
Eve, “positively bad?”
§ To best glorify God.
It all goes back to God’s purpose in creation – to magnify Himself.

Man in particular was to be God’s image bearer. God is 3 in 1. Only
in union with another like himself could man accurately reflect the
mutual love, honor, purposeful accomplishment and communal joy
that we see in the Godhead.” (Helper by Design, Elyse Fitzpatrick,
p. 36)
B. To be his finisher is to reflect the character of God.
We tend to think of the term “helper” as indicative of someone
insignificant. For example, we think of the “carpenter’s helper” as the
one who isn’t as skilled as the carpenter and therefore does the menial
tasks the boss doesn’t want to do. We say of children when we ask
them to pick up their toys, “You are mommy’s little helper.” The
biblical concept of “helper” is far different.
1. God Himself is called our “helper.”
§ Psalm 54:4 “Behold, God is mine helper…”

§ Psalm 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help
in trouble.”
§ Isaiah 41:10 “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed;
for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea,
I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”
2. The Holy Spirit’s name “Comforter” actually means helper; one
called along side to help. (John 14:16, 15:26, 16:7)
“In a word then, a wife who is reflecting God’s helping character
desires to sustain or uphold her husband, she strengthens,
comforts, seeks to protect him…In her heart he finds shelter and

protection from the world; he finds a companion who offers him
what he really needs; help in his God-given calling.” (Helper by
Design, Elyse Fitzpatrick, p. 39)
3. Being a helper is a way to help the husband fulfill his role of leader.
John Piper defines submission as “the divine calling to honor and
affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through
according to her gifts.” (from article by John Piper, “A vision of
Biblical Complementarity: Manhood and Womanhood Defined
According to the Bible” in Recovering Biblical Manhood and
Womanhood, John Piper and Wayne Grudem, pg. 53)
God has granted each of us with unique gifts for the purpose of
using them to support our husbands. We offer suggestions, ideas,
wisdom, insight, prayer, encouragement and admonishment. As
we lovingly and humbly use our giftedness in these ways we help
them to lead and we fulfill our role as wives.
Ask your husband what you do (or can start doing) that help him
most. List below.
III. GOD WANTS WIVES TO BE A FAN.

Eph. 5:33 “Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife
even as himself and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.
The idea here is to be respectful of your husband.
A. The word “respect” means -- to highly regard, notice, honor, prefer,
esteem, praise, admire exceedingly, treat as special. The verb used
means to continuously choose to respect.
1. Respect as described above is in just an outward show, but an inward
heart attitude our of obedience to God. It includes how we think of
our husbands, how we treat them and how we represent them to
others.
2. Considering the opposite of respect is a good way to evaluate if we are
our husbands.
Do you ever:
§ Make fun of him either directly to him or to others?
§ Cut him down privately or publically?
§ Purposely (or carelessly) make him feel or look stupid?

§ Speak sharply, demeaning, critically or sarcastically
§ Become short and impatient with him?

§ Roll your eyes, sigh, cross your arms, look away while he is
speaking?
§ Disregard him while he is speaking to you?
§ Interrupt him while he is speaking?
What other ways can a wife show disrespect to her husband?
B. The responsibility of the wife is to “respect” her husband.

What if he doesn’t deserve respect?
Respect that is required of the wife is not based on the husband’s
character or abilities, but on his position. “But I would have you know,
that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the
man; and the head of Christ is God.” (I Corinthians 11:3)
“So even if we do not feel particularly respectful today, or though we
may not think our husbands have done anything worthy of respect
lately; or even if we reckon ourselves to be more capable, intelligent or
godly than our husbands – none of these reasons exempt us. Respect
is a decision we make to obey God’s word. He has set the husband as
the head and we must honor that position regardless.” (Feminine
Appeal, Carol Mahaney, pg. 148)
If a husband is not glorifying God in his daily life, according to the
following passages, his wife is not without hope. God has given her
offense weapons in her fight for God’s glory to be displayed in her
husband’s life and for his good.
Underline the offense weapons for a wife to use for God’s glory and her
husband’s benefit.
Colossians 4:6 “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with
salt, to that you may know how you ought to answer each person...”
(Speaking with grace = speaking in a way they don’t deserve).

C. The dangers of disrespect.
1. Habitually disrespectful thinking, acting and speaking develops
patterns of communication that severely damages the husband / wife
relationship and alienates the husband. Proverbs 12:4 “An excellent
wife is the crown of her husband but she who brings shame is like
rottenness in his bones.”
2. Disrespect leads to discontent. Discontent blinds you his good
qualities, (but gratitude opens your eyes to his good qualities.)
3. The husband may become angry, defensive, withdrawn and loose
motivation/to be the spiritual leader in the home.
4. You train your children in disrespect for their father.

Respect Self-Assessment Test
(from Excellent Wife, Martha Peace, pg. 115-117)
Put a check mark by the areas in which, by God’s grace, you intend to improve.
1. Do you speak to your husband in a condescending, “put down” manner?
§ “What’s the matter with you?”
§ “Anybody could have done better than you did.”
§ “My Dad would have never done that.”
§ “Can’t you do anything right?”
§ “I should have known better than to depend on you.”
§ “Don’t be stupid.”
§ “That’s ridiculous!”
§ “You old fool!”
§ “You’re too slow. I’ll do it myself.”
2. Do you treat your husband in private as respectfully as you do you pastor, your
neighbor or your friends in public?
3. Does your body language show disrespect by angry looks, looks of disgust,
crossed arms, etc.?
4. Do you talk for your husband or interrupt him?
5. Do you try to intimidate or bully your husband by making threats, verbally

attacking him, crying or in some other way manipulating him to have your way?
6. Do you bring up his shortcomings to others?
7. Do you inappropriately contradict him in front of others?
8. Do you compare him unfavorably with other men?

A healthily marriage must stem from living for the God and His glory. This is counter-
cultural. Relationships by the world’s standards are all based on what we can receive
and not what we can give. Approaching your marriage with this mentality will
ultimately lead to difficulty and struggle.
To maintain a healthy marriage it is important to understand what keeps the marriage
wheel spinning, what stops the wheel from spinning, and how to get it spinning
again.
HOW THE WHEEL KEEPS SPINNING

1) Spiritual Growth
The number one most important thing to keep the marriage wheel spinning is
you growing to be more like Jesus. You more like Jesus is the best thing for
you, your spouse, and your marriage. As you see Jesus more fully you will
naturally want to serve Him more and that will have a profound impact on
your marriage.
What things are in place in your life to help you see Jesus more fully?
In what areas of your life do you need to grow most spiritually?
What practical steps can you take to grow in those areas?
How can your spouse help you in those areas?
2) What can I give vs. what can I get mentality.

The world tells us that every relationship in our life is about what we can get.
It really is a “consumer mentality” in relationships. I will show love only if I am
loved. I will give only if I am given to. However, this is anti-gospel. Jesus
gave to us when we could give nothing. Jesus sacrificed for us when we
weren’t worth being sacrificed for. Ultimately the gospel tells us that on our

worst day Christ still died for us. Since marriage is supposed to be a reflection
of Jesus and the church we should love our spouses regardless of their
performance. I should be seeking to give as much as I can to my spouse not
get as much as I can. The ultimate beauty of this is that when both the
husband and wife are living that way the wheel is spinning. Wives are being
given security from their husbands and husbands are being given significance
from their wives and most importantly both spouses are finding their identity
in Jesus.
Here are some questions for you to consider:
What I have done this week to give to my spouse?
Am I seeking to pour out to my spouse in a way that they want to be poured

into?
Did I increase or decrease my wife’s security or my husband’s significance

today?
Am I holding expectations of my spouse that are not Biblical but instead are for
my preference or comfort? Ask your spouse to answer this question about you
as well.
3) Romance
Love is an action not an emotion. The emotion follows the action. The reality
is that the emotion of love is healthy.
You should never stop “dating” your spouse. What we mean by that is that
you should never stop trying to learn who they are and what makes them tick.
You should never get to the place where you are comfortable and you just
stop trying to win their affection. Don’t neglect trying to show your spouse
that you love them practically. Pursue your spouse constantly. It’s so easy to
get comfortable and get into the rut of life. I get up I throw on my sweats and I
go about my day. Pursuing your spouse romantically is selfless and it shows
them that you love them and are thinking of them. Romance can help keep
the wheel spinning.

4) Financial Responsibility
We will cover the principles of financial stewardship more fully in a later
session but know that one of the greatest strains on a marriage can be the
pressure of finances. Choosing to live within your means and be good
stewards of what God has placed in your care will alleviate some of that. That
is not to say you may never find yourselves in lean financial times but it will
help even in the lean times to know that it is where the Lord has you, not
negligence of you or your spouse. Being on the same page about finances
long before the “big decisions” come is helpful in alleviating these stresses.
What do you think about buying a home versus renting one?
What do you think about car payments?
What other “big financial decisions” should you discuss with your spouse
before they come up?
WHAT STOPS THE WHEEL FROM

SPINNING:
1) Self-centeredness
Self-centeredness is the opposite of living a life for God’s glory and for the
good of your spouse. When I am at the center of my world I will act from a
sinful heart seeking for my own pleasure and not the good of others. Living
for you will stop the wheel from spinning.
2) Lying
Marriage is a relationship built on trust. If your spouse isn’t sure you are
telling the truth they will not trust you and likewise if you don’t tell the truth
you are not trust worthy. This will create tension and stop the wheel from
spinning.
3) Adultery
When you choose to step outside of the marriage relationship to meet sexual
desires it will cause conflict in your marriage. Hebrews 13:4 tells us that we
should honor the marriage bed and that adultery and any sexual immorality is
the opposite of that. Sex is meant to be between a husband and wife period.
We will cover this more in the upcoming lesson on sex.

4) Lack of Forgiveness
James Macdonald rightly says, “There are no enduring relationships without
forgiveness.” Remember you are a sinner married to a sinner and sinner’s sin.
So there will be a ton of times in your marriage when you will need to forgive
your spouse. Choosing not to forgive them will only cause bitterness and
tension to arise. We choose not to forgive because it brings us something. It
gives us debt over our spouse.
Why we don’t forgive:
• Debt is power
When I hold onto the sins of my spouse I have power over
them. I can now use that wrong that they have committed to
get what I want from them.
• Debt is identity
Sometimes we want to be the victim. We want to be the victim

so much that we begin to identity as the victim. I choose not to
forgive sometimes because I like being the victim. I like the
sympathy I get from others or whatever identifying as a victim
brings me.
• Debt is entitlement
If you have wronged me you owe me something. If I forgive
you then I am releasing you from the debt. Often I don’t want
to release you because I want you to pay me something for
your offense.
• Debt is weaponry
We all know that it is only a matter of time before we fail. I hold
onto debt sometimes because I know I might need this to fight
with. What you did is far worse than what I’ve done and I’m
going to let you know it in our next argument.
• Debt makes us God

Ultimately we always want to feel like we know better than or
are higher than God. Being the one who holds forgiveness
makes us feel like we have the authority and power of God.
5) Operating in “Default” Mode
We don’t drift towards Godliness. We aren’t wired by default to be humble,
selfless people. Marriage requires us to be operating in humility and
selflessness through the power of the gospel in our lives. When we choose to
operate in “the way we are wired” or “default mode” Christ will not be at the
center of your life or your marriage.

Husbands operating in default mode tend to neglect their wives. They tend
to focus on the other things that they are pursuing and not on their wives.
They fail to learn who their wives are, love them well, and lead them.
Wives operating in default mode tend to nag. They just want their husbands
to be operating “the way they should” and they will nag them to get there.
They fail to follow their husbands, finish their husbands, and to be his biggest
fan.
HOW TO GET THE WHEEL SPINNING

AGAIN:
We each are in the process of being transformed into the likeness of Christ and in that
process we will sin. As we follow these guidelines we manifest the gracious,
longsuffering, spirit that God shows toward us. We will look at 2 major ways to get
the wheel spinning again.
1) Dealing with conflict Biblically

Read the following passages:
• Romans 12:18
• Colossians 3:15
• Matthew 18:15
These verses tell us that conflict is inevitable. Every relationship, especially
with your spouse, will include conflict that you will have to work through
somehow.
“Conflict can make life very awkward. It often catches us off guard and leads
us to say or do things we later regret. When someone offends us, we can
react without thinking. Soon it’s as if we’re sliding down a slippery slope,
with things going from bad to worse.” – Ken Sande
Thankfully God has given us the instruction and grace we need to handle
conflict in a way that glorifies Him and preserves or mends relationships.
According to Matthew 7:24-27 what is the indicator that a person is like the
wise man that built his house upon the rock?
How do you view conflict?

Much of how we respond to conflict is dependent on how we view it.
Conflict provides opportunities for either sinful responses or

responses that please God.
Sinful responses
1. To withdraw
Most people don’t like conflict and will do everything they can to
avoid it. Rather than try to solve a problem and mend a
relationship they run from it. Their motto is: “Don’t rock the boat”
or “peace at all costs.” They conclude that if you try to do anything,
the problem will only get worse or you won’t solve anything. Just
forget about it, it’s not a big deal.
Do these responses sound familiar?
List any withdrawing responses you practice:
2. To attack
Those who don’t withdraw may go to the other extreme and go on
the attack. Whatever it takes to get what they want. They may
attack verbally, physically, or even with litigation. They might use
phrases like “I just yell and get it over with” or “I just need to get
things off my chest right away.”
Would that be more characteristic of you?
List any attacking responses you practice:

Righteous responses
1. To love God and glorify Him through seeking peace
The believers in Corinth were having disputes about what they
should eat and drink. According to 1 Corinthians 10:31 what was to
be the guiding motive in their eating and drinking or in whatever
they did?
2. To love other by seeking their good
What does Philippians 2:3-4 tell us about where our focus should
be?
How is this different than what the world teaches us?
According to Ephesians 4:29 what should the end result of our

words be?
3. Grow to be like Christ

According to Romans 8:28-29, God’s plan is to transform us into
the likeness of His son. Verse 28 indicates that He will do so by
working all things together for their good. Times of conflict can
reveal the sinful attitudes and actions in us that God desires to
change for His glory and our good. So while conflict is difficult it
can bring about our transformation to the likeness of Christ as we
recognize our weakness and take biblical steps of growth and
change.
Can you think of a time where conflict helped you see your
sinfulness?

So what response should we have to conflict?
1. There are times to hold your tongue and let love cover the offense.
What do the following verses say about this?
§ Proverbs 17:9
§ 1 Peter 4:8 (Additional verses: Proverbs 10:12; 17:9; 19:11)
The following questions will help you to determine when to cover an offense
in love:
1) Is the offense a sinful habit that is regularly hindering the individual in
their growth in godliness?
2) Is the offense public knowledge that would harm the person’s
testimony or is it continuing to dishonor God?
3) Is the offense a violation of the law?
4) Is the offense a clear violation of a Biblical command or principle and
not just a matter of personal preference?
2. Get the log out of your own eye
Read Matthew 7:1-5
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce
you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the
log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take
the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You
hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly
to take the speck out of your brother's eye.”
Underline the words or phrases that indicate the need to examine yourself first
before you try to confront someone else about their side of the problem.
What dangers can you see to solving conflicts with others if a person doesn’t
examine himself first to determine his side of the problem?

So what does it look like to “get the log out of your own eye?”
• Examine Yourself
In times of conflict we each tend to want to defend what we want and
ourselves. If we aren’t careful we may be guilty of sinful motives and
actions on our part.
To resolve a conflict biblically I must be humble enough to consider
how I have contributed to the conflict and plan specifically to seek
forgiveness from God and any others I may have sinned against.
Things to examine:
1. Motives – Have I been selfishly motivated in the
situation?
2. Words – Have my words or my tone of voice indicated
selfish ambition
3. Actions – Have my actions indicated a desire to solve the
problem or withdrawing or attacking the other person?
It is always wise to ask God to help you see your sin so that you can repent
of it. Honest introspection is the first step in conflict. If you determine that
you have sinned in the matter then you need to move through the
following steps:
• Confess Your Sin
Ken Sande in his book “The Peacemaker” lines out 7 helpful “A’s” to
remember in confession:
o Address everyone involved

Read 1 John 1:9 and Matthew 5:23-24
Who do these verse indicate you should confess your sin to?
o Avoid if, but and maybe
These words, and others like them, indicate a sense of excusing

what you did and an unwillingness to take full responsibility for
your actions.
o Admit Specifically
Specific admissions communicate to the hearer that you know
exactly what you have done that is dishonoring to God.

o Acknowledge The Hurt
Such an acknowledgment indicates you understand the effect

your words or actions had on the individual.
o Accept The Consequences

You sinful actions may have some natural consequences. Your
willing acceptance of the consequences will communicate
genuine repentance.
o Alter Your Behavior
Indicating to the other individual how you plan to change your

behavior shows you understand how you should have handled
the situation and what will characterize your behavior in the
future.
o Ask For Forgiveness
Forgiveness will be further explored later in this lesson. But

know that asking “will you forgive me” is the final step in taking
care of your side of the problem.
3. Gently restore
Restoration of relationships will many times necessitate more than identifying
and confessing ones own sins. Biblical love may include helping the other
individual identify his wrong and change.
It is important to plan how you approach the individual to encourage biblical
repentance on his part.
• Make sure that what the person has done is actually sin and
not your personal preference
Read Matthew 18:15 and Galatians 6:1.
What are the key words in these passages that indicate the issue you
confront is to be a sin?

• God to talk to the other person
o Plan your words
This gives you time to think carefully about what you will say
and hopefully avoid misunderstandings due to lack of clarity.
o Choose the right time and place
Don’t go with the attitude “I just want to get this over with.” Try
to think of and suggest a private place that would be conducive
to uninterrupted conversation.
o Talk in person
Face to face conversation is best when dealing with difficult
issues. It may be somewhat unnerving but you can see how the
individual is receiving what you have to say and avoid possible
misunderstandings.
o Speak with grace
When you go, talk as one who is also in process of growing and
changing and one who has been shown grace and forgiveness
not as one who has arrived and never struggles with sin.
2) Forgiveness
Forgiving others is the base level indicator of how much you understand your
own forgiveness. I’m more willing to forgive others when I understand how
much I need forgiveness. You cannot be living in the joy and forgiveness that
you have been shown through the gospel and also be unwilling to forgive.
So what is forgiveness?
Forgiveness means, “To release a person from an obligation.”
What does Ephesians 4:32 and Psalm 103:12 say about forgiveness we have?
How should that motivate us to forgive others?
Earlier we mentioned five reasons we don’t forgive.

How does the Gospel answer our desire for these things more than holding
onto unforgiveness?
• Debt is power
• Debt is identity
• Debt is entitlement
• Debt is weaponry
• Debt makes us God
In order to “release someone from an obligation” you need to use the words
“will you forgive me.” This is different than saying “I’m sorry.” I’m sorry puts
the other person in a position where they will often say something untrue like
“well it’s ok.” The reality is if you sinned against God and them it is not ok and
they should not be put in a place to make that statement. Forgiveness is the
biblical model not “I’m sorry.”
When you commit to forgive you are making three major commitments:
• I will not hold the offense against you ever again.

• I will not talk to others about it.
• I will not talk to myself about it.
True forgiveness requires that I never talk about it, never use it against another
person, and that I will not dwell on it in my mind. These three things are
challenging and require a constant dying to self and reminder that the Lord
does this for me and so I can do it for others.
Is there any unforgiveness standing between you and your spouse?
Between you and anyone else?

What steps do you need to take to correct those?

VERTICAL COMMUNICATION:
Most people want to enjoy relationships with others. But they want those
relationships to happen automatically. That just isn’t the way relationships are
made or preserved. Good relationships require an investment of many
qualities — one of which is good communication. Because every relationship
will experience problems at some time it is important to be prepared with
communication skills that can be used to solve problems and preserve the
relationship rather than destroy it.
YOUR RESOURCE FOR GUIDANCE

You may have already noticed that people practice all kinds of
communication when dealing with problems. They may have learned these
from various sources.
What are some sources from which people have learned communication skills?
To the best of your understanding where did you learn your communication
skills?
God’s Word, the Bible, is the source that will be used in this study. You can
use God’s Word to examine your present communication skills and to learn
new ones.
What reassurance do the following verses give that God’s Word is a
trustworthy resource?
§ Matthew 7:24-27
§ 2 Timothy 3:16,17

YOUR MOTIVE FOR GOOD COMMUNICATION
It is important to learn good communication skills but we all know that even
good communication skills can be used for wrong purposes.
List some wrong uses of good communication:
Good communication skills should be combined with good motives for their
use.
What do the following verses indicate should be the motive for all we do?
§ 1 Corinthians 10:31
§ 2 Corinthians 5:9,10
§ Colossians 1:8
§ 1 Peter 4:11
§ Mark 12:30,31
Would you say this has been your motive in communication, always,
frequently, sometimes, rarely, or never? (Circle your answer)
If you answered something other than always, (which I expect you did) when
do you find that you are motivated by some other purpose?
What do you think is your motivation at those times?

FOUR RULES OF GOD HONORING COMMUNICATION
________________________________________________________________________
God’s Word provides much instruction on communication. In this study we will cover
four rules of communication from Ephesians 4:22-32. When followed they will
enable you to glorify God when facing problems with others.
RULE ONE: BE HONEST

“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth
with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.” (Ephesians 4:25)
In Strengthening Your Marriage, Wayne Mack rightly says, “One of the most
basic requirements of good communication is mutual openness and
honesty.”
Put off falsehood
Simply stated God does not want people to lie when involved in problems. A
lie may take various forms:
§ Total fabrication – state something that has no basis in fact

§ Twisting of the facts – rearrange the facts of the situation to deliver self
from any possible incrimination
§ Denial – A person might deny the existence of a problem or
involvement in a problem that does exist.
Whatever form a lie takes, God wants the individual to be sure to put it off,
discard it, and cast such communication away.
Practicing falsehood does not solve problems and build good relationships.
What may be a motive to speak falsehood?
Speak truthfully
1. Speak
You need to speak
To build relationships and solve problems people need to speak to each
other. That means if you have a problem involving someone else, which
cannot be covered in love, you need to go and speak to that person.
Warning: Don’t assume

Assuming motives of others is a breeding ground for trouble and strife. You
can’t know for sure what a person’s motives are until you speak to that person
and then listen to them.
What does the question asked in I Corinthians 2:11 indicate about knowing the
thoughts of others?
According to Proverbs 18:13 what is the potential outcome of speaking before

listening?
2. Speak truthfully
To speak truthfully doesn’t mean that you just go, lay out the facts harshly and
whatever happens, happens.
What is the additional qualifier of speaking truthfully in Ephesians 4:15 and the
results it will produce?
To speak truthfully means that out of a right motive (glorify God, love for God
and the other person) you will speak information that is true, accurate and
right, in a manner that is pleasing to God and contributes to solving the
problem and restoring the relationship.
RULE TWO: KEEP CURRENT

“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Ephesians 4:26,27)
4. There are times to hold your tongue and let love cover the offense.
What do the following verses say about this?
§ Proverbs 17:9
§ 1 Peter 4:8 (Additional verses: Proverbs 10:12; 17:9; 19:11)

The following questions will help you to determine when to cover an offense
in love:
5) Is the offense a sinful habit that is regularly hindering the individual in
their growth in godliness?
6) Is the offense public knowledge that would harm the person’s
testimony or is it continuing to dishonor God?
7) Is the offense a violation of the law?
8) Is the offense a clear violation of a Biblical command or principle and
not just a matter of personal preference?
We each are in the process of being transformed into the likeness of Christ
and in that process we will sin. As we follow these guidelines we manifest the
gracious, longsuffering, spirit that God shows toward us.
5. In your anger don’t sin
Righteous anger is characterized by right motivation and actions.
§ Right motivation: Love for God and others
What would be an example of sinful motivation of anger?
§ Right actions: actions that glorify God and help solve problems.
Many times the actions of sinful anger involve either clamming-up or

blowing-up.
What would be an example of clamming-up?
What would be an example of blowing-up?
When you sin in your anger what would you identify as your motivation?
When you sin in your anger what actions do you tend to express?

6. Don’t avoid solving problems
As much as possible solve today’s problems today. When a problem cannot
be solved that day (lack of time, people are tired or not available, etc.) make a
plan to solve the problem so that it is not put off indefinitely.
What does verse 27 say will happen if people don’t solve problems?
What are some negative results that sin and Satan can produce if people
don’t solve problems?
Rule Three: Attack the Problem, Not the Person

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for
building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
(Ephesians 4:29)
1. Words can do harm
Children have a saying they use when arguing with other children. “Sticks and
stones may break my bones, but names can never hurt me.”
What is wrong with that statement?
What results come from sinful communication according to the following

verses?
§ Proverbs 16:28
§ Proverbs 17:9
§ Proverbs 26:21
According to James 3:9,10 why is it wrong to verbally attack a person?

2. Words can do good
In order to solve problems our words need to be solution-oriented.
According to Ephesians 4:29 what should characterize our communication?
What additional direction is found in Colossians 4:6?
Give an example of unwholesome, ungracious communication that is not

solution-oriented:
Give an example of wholesome, gracious communication that is solution-

oriented.
Rule Four: Act: Don’t React

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from
you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one
another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32)
1. Don’t react
Self-control is an important quality for good communication and building
good relationships. When selfishly motivated, a person’s reactions could be
eruptive and damaging.
What are the words used in Ephesians 4:31 that indicate sinful reactions?
What command does God give about such sinful reactions?
Examine the sampling of verses from Proverbs and record God’s instruction
about sinful reactions.
§ Prov. 15:1,18
§ Prov. 17:13,20
§ Prov. 18:13

§ Prov. 19:19
§ Prov. 20:3,22
2. Act
What words are used in Ephesians 4:32 that lead to solving problems and
stronger relationships?
What reassurance do the following verses give that it is possible to act and do
right instead of react sinfully?
§ 1 Corinthians 10:13
§ Galatians 5:16
§ Philippians 4:13
Which of the four rules of communication do you find that you neglect the
most?
When do you find it hardest to practice the four rules of communication?
Since your outer actions are an expression of inner desires what inner desires
are ruling when you violate any of the four rules of communication?
Example: I don’t keep current and solve problems because I desire
peace. If I bring up a problem I get nervous about how people will
respond. If I confront others it may create more problems.

A VERTICAL VIEW OF SEX
To say that we live in a sex-crazed culture is a massive understate. You can hardly turn
on the TV without some sort of sexual message being sent either in the programming
or the advertising. Today’s pop-music is filled with sexual imagery if not brash and
unashamed lyrics about sexuality. It seems everyone believes strongly in the
philosophy that says “Sex sells.”
And that has effected many to the core of how they identify themselves. To the LGBT
movement, nothing is as important as how you identify yourself on a sexual level.
And this, in their mind, drives their agenda and attempts to force others to raise
sexuality to the same level of importance.
There is little doubt…we live in a sex-crazed culture. To our world, sex is GOD.
But if you look at the church over the past several decades, how have we dealt with
this topic? We have dealt with it largely with SILENCE. And when we do talk about it,
it’s always in the negative: “Sex before marriage is wrong…it’s DIRTY!” or
“Homosexuality is sin! Dirty, dirty, dirty!” So although we don’t take the world’s
stance and treat sex as a god…we have communicated a different, but wrong
view…sex is GROSS.
So is there a balanced view? Yes. And that balanced view is really the BIBLICAL view.
The Bible puts sex in its right place. It is certainly NOT to be worshipped, but it’s also
not a topic that should avoided. The Bible talks about sex and it talks about it
positive, beautiful ways.
What has been your experience in church? Have you ever been taught a biblical view
of sex?
Do you tend to think about sex as a dirty thing?
Do you tend to think about sex too much?
A good summary statement for the biblical view is sex is:

Sex is a gift to be opened only in confines of a heterosexual marriage.
Though we will spend a lot of time unpacking Scripture to help you understand this
better, here are a view verses to consider.
READ Heb. 13:4
What does this verse teach about sex?
READ Rom. 1:26-27

What are some words that God uses to describe woman with woman and man with
man (homosexual) relationships?

How would you summarize God’s view of homosexuality?
I. PRINCIPLES driving the sexual relationship in

marriage.
One of the most extensive passages on the sexual relationship of a husband and wife
is found in 1 Corinthians 7. There are several principles we can gather from this text.
But first, let’s get an overview.
READ 1 Cor. 7:1-7
What are the main points of this text?
What implications should that have on your sexual relationship in marriage?
Let’s dive in deeper and see some principles we can apply.

A. Singleness is an OK option.
READ 1 Cor. 7:1
Apparently, the church in Corinth had written a letter to Paul asking him some
questions and now Paul is going to answer them. We don’t know the questions, but
one of them must have been about sexual relationships. And Paul’s answer in verse 1
can be confusing. Is Paul saying that remaining single and abstaining from sexual
relations is good…and by implication that getting married and having sexual
relations is bad?
READ Gen. 2:18
What does this text say about a husband and wife?
READ Heb. 13:4

What word is used to describe the marriage bed?
Considering the Bible as a whole, you cannot come to the conclusion that getting
marriage and having sexual relations is bad. In fact it’s called “honorable.” So what
IS Paul saying? Paul is making the point to say that if someone can remain sexually
pure, then singleness is an OK option. Paul comes back to this in verses 6 and 7.
READ vs. 6-7.
So the point is NOT “sex is bad” but “singleness is OK as well.”
But the BIG CAVEOT is you have to remain SEXUALLY PURE in your singleness!
Which leads us to another important principle.

B. A proper sexual relationship in marriage will keep you from sexual
immorality.
READ verse 2. Paul here says that there is temptation to sexual immorality…and
unless you have a special gift from God (vs. 7), you need some special help so that
you will not fail in sexual purity. For that help, God has given a wife to a man and a
man to a wife.
Sexual immorality is a very serious sin. In chapter 6 of 1 Corinthians, Paul has some
strong things to say about sexual immorality there.
READ 1 Cor. 6:18-20
How are we to handle the temptation to sexual immorality?
What, according to Paul, makes this sin unique (vs. 18)?
What motivation does Paul use to make this point (vs. 19)?
What are we to do with our bodies (vs. 20)?
What does that then imply about sexual immorality?
Any sex outside of heterosexual marriage is sexual immorality. And though all sin is
sin, this one is unique in that it is a sin against your own body! God purchased your
body with the very high price of His Son on the cross! Therefore, we should want to
use our body to GLORIFY GOD!
C. Sex should be freely given and not withheld.
READ vs 3-5
Paul uses some strong language here! But the principle is clear. We are to freely give
of ourselves to our spouse and we are NOT to hold back.
This is a TOUGH teaching for many and especially many women. Some might say – “I
don’t like this topic reduced to this level…I want to talk about romance, I want to talk
about problem solving, I want to talk about whatever…I refuse to think about sexual
relations from the perspective of duty.”
However, at the end of the day the question isn’t “What do I want to hear?” but
“What does the Bible say?” And it’s explicitly clear in this passage. Sex is NOT to be
withheld.
What are some reasons why one might withhold sex from his/her spouse?
What does the cross of Jesus Christ model for us in terms of self-focus?

The reality is that men are more sexual creatures than women. And since we are
living in such a sex-crazed society, men are faced with temptations multiple times a
day. His wife is the ONLY RIGHTEOUS outlet for his sexual desire. And this
relationship needs to be healthy.
What are your thoughts on this?
D. If there is a season of abstinence, it should be mutually agreed upon,

for limited time and for a good reason.
Again, this principle simply comes straight from God’s Word. READ vs. 5.
It’s interesting that Paul allows for a time of abstinence…but only under very specific
guidelines. Mutually agreed upon, for a limited time…and for a good reason.
In this case, the reason was prayer. But even then, he adds, “but then come together
again.”
What are some other legitimate reasons for abstinence?
How might a couple work through this issue?
In addition to the principles from 1 Corinthians 7, there are a couple of other verses to
consider.
READ 1 Pet. 3:7
How is a husband to DWELL WITH his wife?
How might that impact the sexual relationship?
How is a husband to honor his wife?
READ Eph. 5:25

What does this text say about how a husband should treat his wife?
Husbands are to be loving an understanding of their wives. Therefore, sex should be

never be demanded and certainly NEVER forced. A husband should not ask his wife
to perform any sexual practices she is uncomfortable with as that would not be

treating her as the weaker vessel. He should be gentle, compassionate,
understanding and, above all, loving.
READ Eph. 5:32
How is a wife to treat her husband?
Wives should be respectful and understanding of their husbands. And since the clear
biblical command is to never withhold sex, a wife should be careful about refusing
her husband in this manner.
AN IMPORTANT NOTE:
Due to past sexual sins…either that you have done or that others have done to
you…this area may be very, very difficult for some. You may need to undergo special
counseling to help you work through those areas. We are here to love and help you if
the need arises.
II. PRACTICES guiding the sexual relationship in

marriage.
Based on those principles, here are some practices that should be in place.
A. Have conversations about sex.
This may be uncomfortable for some, but it’s an important practice.
You need to discuss:
-frequency- How often should we have sex. (HINT: Somewhere between the
extremes of twice a day and one a month J).
-methods-There are lots of ways to enjoy this relationship…and lots of options.

Nothing in the marriage bed involving a husband and wife (alone) that is biblically off
limits. But a husband or wife should not be asked to do something they are
uncomfortable with. And waiting until the heat of the moment is a bad idea! So have
a discussion before-hand about desires, likes, and dislikes. Create clear boundaries.
Pray about it together! Again, this may feel awkward. But remember…God blesses
sex in marriage! This is HIS design! Ask His help if you need to.
B . Never withhold sex as a punishment.
We’ve already worked through the sin of withholding sex, but this is a temptation
that many face. You are angry about something your spouse did and, as a result, you
decide, “Well, he ain’t getting what he wants tonight!”
This distorts the act! Sex was never intended to be a weapon. It’s a gift. Be careful of
this temptation.
C. Don’t see sex as 50%/50%, but as 100%/100%
The reality is, when sex is 100/100, it is a wonderful and beautiful thing. When a
husband’s main focus is to love this wife and please her sexually, and the wife’s goal

is the same for her husband, this becomes a wonderful, tender, and pleasurable part
of married life.

A VERTICAL VIEW OF MONEY
Money is one of the most talked about subjects in the Bible. Matthew 6:24 sums up
why:
"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other,
or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both
God and Money."
We cannot both be servants of God and of money. It really is one or the other. So to
be honoring to God in our finances we need to understand how we serve God with
our finances and not just serve money. With that in mind we will look at 6 ways we
can honor God with our money.
1) EVERYTHING WE HAVE IS HIS:

How does James 1:17 apply to our worldly possessions?
Colossians 1:16 says

“For by Him [Jesus] all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible,
and invisible, whether “thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities-all things
were created through Him and for Him”
Based on this verse how should our money (a created thing) be used?
What does Psalm 24:1 say about our possessions?
BUILDING A BIBLICAL CASE FOR TITHING:
Seeing that the Bible presents that everything we have is God’s and is to be used for
the name and fame of Jesus gives us a framework through which to study the topic of
tithing. This topic is somewhat challenging to consider on the surface. It is a
complex topic that really, at its core, hinges on the discussion of how the Old
Testament Law applies to believers today. To help you consider this topic we will
search several passages in order to help you best understand how tithing is
specifically seen in light of the Old Testament Law. This line of thinking also stretches
beyond just the topic of tithing but for our purposes we will consider tithing only.

What is your understanding of why you should tithe prior to beginning this study?
The Old Testament Law:

Read the following passages from the Old Testament Law:
Leviticus 27:30-33
Numbers 18:21-28
Deuteronomy 26:12-13
What was the percentage that the Israelites were required to give?
Who was that tithe supposed to go to support?
What does the New Testament Say About the Law?

Read the following New Testament Passages:
Romans 7:4-6
Galatians 2:19
Romans 6:15
What do these verse tell us about our relationship to the law?
What are we under now?

Galatians 6:2
1 Corinthians 9:21
What is the “new law” that is spoken of in these two verses?

What is this new law?
Romans 13:8
Mark 12:28-31
Based on these passages what do you think this new law is based on?
So let’s summarize what we have observed from scripture. Under the Old Testament
Law the Israelites were required to give a tenth of their income to the Levitical priests
as support for those priests. The priests had no way of earning income and were
serving the temple (or tabernacle) and so this was God’s way of providing for the
people in full time vocational service of Him.
Then we observed that based on the New Testament we are no longer under the Old
Testament Law but instead we under a new law called the Law of Christ. We see that
then Paul said we fulfill the law through love. And Jesus further tells us that the most
important commandments are to love God and love others.
So this leaves us in a position where we know the Old Testament Law is not a direct
commandment to us and we do not see a New Testament passage that directly
commands us to tithe.
So where does tithing fit in?
Several observations can be made about where tithing fits into our lives as believers
living under the law of Christ and not the Levitical law.
The Principles in the Old Testament
Read 1 Timothy 5:17-18
Here God lines out that the elders of a church should be cared for. This is similar to
God’s call to take care of those laboring in the temple. So this care must come from
somewhere.
Read 2 Corinthians 8:9 and 9:7
What does these verses say about our motivation and attitude toward giving?

Christ and the Law
Christ fulfilled the law on our behalf and thus secured our righteousness. This
freedom, when properly embraced, will not lead us to a place of valuing the things of
God less, but instead valuing them more. John Piper says:
“We should value our riches in Christ so highly, our freedom from sin so
highly, and the gospel so highly that we would love to give.”
The New Covenant that we are under is superior to the old in every way. We have a
better covenant why would we not want to out give the old covenant. The reality is
that everything we have is God’s and when we properly understand that, when we
properly understand that He is the one who cares for us we have no fear to give our
income away. We have no fear to support our local church because we understand
that God has chosen to display His glory through the church. God has chosen to
spread the Gospel through the church. So when we give to our local church we
further God’s kingdom and we have the promise that it will not be at the cost of our
own. God blesses the gift, not always financially, but you will be blessed in giving.
2) Budgeting
Biblical Case:
Read the following verses:
Luke 14:28–30
Proverbs 27:23
1 Timothy 5:8
What do these verses have to say about money?
What are the implications for how you should handle your money from them?
Practical Steps:
Zero Budgets
The best way to budget is through what is called “zero budgeting.” This is the
process of allocating every dollar that you have incoming to go somewhere. In other
words even if your expenses are less than your income you would budget money to
go into a savings account.

So practically begin by listing out all of your regular expenses. It is probably helpful
to think of this in terms of categories (i.e. house expenses, car expenses, etc.).
After thinking about your regular expenses then consider things that should be in
place as safeguard and as “planning expenses.” What should I be saving for
retirement? What about life insurance? And other questions along those lines. The
assistance of a financial planner in this is extremely helpful.
Once you have generated your list of regular expenses and your “planning
expenses” consider what other “flexible expenses” exist. (i.e. eating out, going to
the movies, etc.) Set these expenses as reasonable amounts that will allow you to
live within the budget. Saying you will never go out to eat, for instance, is a sure fire
way of failing at your budget.
Practical ways to follow a budget:

The key to following a budget is to track that budget well, evaluate the
budget, and then modify it where it is weak. If you have never budgeted you
will not create a perfect budget on the first attempt because you will not
anticipate some pattern of spending that you have. Here are some practical
ways to track your budget
• Bank Account Tracking (balancing your checkbook)

One way is to use your checkbook and receipts to track where
every dollar goes. You would use a sheet of paper or
something like an excel spreadsheet to track that and keep it
filed so you know where every dollar you spent went and then
ensure your bank account says the same thing.
• Envelope System
This system is a “cash-based” system, in other words you

withdraw the amount of money you need for the expenses you
can most control and when that money is gone it is gone. You
would then place those cash in separate places (usually
envelopes). Once that money is gone then you spend no more
in the category for the month.
Example: We have money that we want to use for eating out.
We place that in an envelope and when that is gone we don’t
eat out anymore.
• Apps (Mint.com, Everydollar)

Another option is to link your online bank account to an app like
Mint.com or EveryDollar. These are just two of many apps that
help you track and then sort which category each dollar you are
spending should go to.

The main idea to remember is that you need to have a way to track and
evaluate your budget. If you do not do those two things you will not succeed
on a budget.
Do you budget now? Why or why not?
Do you see the value of budgeting based on God’s word? Why or why not?
How are you tracking or how are you going to track and evaluate your
budget?
3) Debt
Read the following verses and explain what they have to say about debt:
• Matthew 6:24
"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other,
or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both
God and Money."
• Proverbs 22:7
"The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is the slave of the lender."
• Romans 13:8
"Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another
has fulfilled the law."
• Proverbs 13:11
"Dishonest money dwindles away, but he who gathers money little by little
makes it grow."
• Proverbs 22:26–27
"Do not be one of those who shakes hands in a pledge, one of those who is
surety for debts; if you have nothing with which to pay, why should he take
away your bed from under you?"

• Proverbs 17:18
"It's stupid to guarantee someone else's loan."
• Psalm 37:21
"The wicked borrows and does not repay, but the righteous shows mercy and
gives."
• Ecclesiastes 5:5
"Better not to vow than to vow and not pay."
Based on these verses what is your conclusion about debt?
What do you think is at the heart of a person who takes on a lot of debt?
Paul Tripp gives some thoughts on the previous question:

“It is an act of disobedience to put something on a credit card that you could
not afford with cash or that you do not have a reasonable plan to pay by cash
because you are now taking sovereignty and ownership over your financial
well being. Well, no one has that. Only God has that. Only God knows what
he is going to provide for you tomorrow. And in places outside of something
like a house where you don’t have any choice, I think we are doing that all the
time.” – Paul Tripp
“Love of money is really about contentment. Love of money is about humility.

Love of money is about identity. Love of money is about worship that really
roots at deep issues. Maybe the most subtle of the indications of love of
money is an ongoing, chronic discontentment in me that, no matter what I
have, I am still not content.” – Paul Tripp
Ultimately a heart that must have more is a heart that needs more Jesus. We all
have within us a longing for something. But that something is not more
material need, the something is not more possession, that something is Jesus.
Money makes a really bad God. Your material possessions won’t come with
you into eternity but the love and trust you have in Jesus will.

“There are no U-Hauls behind hearses” – John Piper
Can you think of any instances where going into debt would not violate these
scriptures?
As you consider making larger purchases what things have you considered in
the past?
What things might you consider after seeing what the Bible has to say about
money?
4) Care for Your Family

Proverbs 29:15 says:
"The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his
mother."
How does this verse apply to the financial care of your family?
5) Saving
• Proverbs 21:20
"In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil, but a foolish man
devours all he has."
• Proverbs 21:5
"The plans of the diligent lead surely to plenty, but those of everyone who is
hasty, surely to poverty."
• Proverbs 6:6–8
"Go to the ant, O sluggard, observe her ways and be wise, which, having no
chief, officer or ruler, prepares her food in the summer and gathers her
provision in the harvest."
What do these verses indicate about how we should manage our money?

6) DELIGHT IN WHAT GOD HAS GIVEN US
• Ecclesiastes 5:19, 6:1-2
• 1 Timothy 6:17
What do these verses say about the things that we have?
In light of all we have learned is it ok to delight in the things God has given us?
Why or why not?
Four Questions to ask about my spending:

1) Is my spending marked by Christian generosity?
2) What does my spending say about what makes me most happy?
3) Does my spending suggest that I’m collecting for this life?
4) Is my spending explicitly supporting the spread of the gospel?
Consider the principles learned here and how God would have you respond.
What are three ways that you are going to change your financial habits?
1.
2.
3.
How are you going to accomplish those things practically?

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THE VERTICAL MARRIAGE

THE VERTICAL MARRIAGE 2

Bad Reasons to Get Married:

How does the world define love?

Does God define love as primarily an emotion or primarily an action?

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What are you hoping that marriage will bring you?

§ It’s the expectation

§ I want to have kids

§ Financial Stability (1 Tim 6:17)

What caution does 1 Tim 6:17-19 give in regard to money?

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THE GLORY OF GOD DEFINED:

Based on Job 41:11, what does God need from us?

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Read Isaiah 62:3-5 and Zephaniah 3:17-18.

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12) The glory of his sovereign, slave-like obedience to embrace the

14) The glory of his grace that justifies the ungodly;

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IMPLICATIONS OF LIVING MY MARRIAGE FOR THE

1) I improve my marriage by seeing more of God

9 GOSPEL TRUTHS THAT IMPACT YOUR MARRIAGE

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What does Romans 3:23 tell us about our spouse’s sinfulness?

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WIFE’S ROLE HUSBAND’S ROLE

WIFE WANTS: HUBAND WANTS:

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I. GOD WANTS HUSBANDS TO BE LOVERS.

§ Galatians 2:20: “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer

§ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: “Love suffers long and is kind; love does

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2. Christ’s love is sacrificial.

3. Christ’s love is purifying.

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5. Christ’s love is permanent.

What does Romans 8:38-39 communicate about the permanence of

What are some practical ways a husband can communicate the

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In what kind of situations do husbands especially need to work hard at

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3. Because husband and wives are heirs together of the grace of

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III. GOD WANTS HUSBANDS TO BE LEADERS.

C. He leads for God’s glory.

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The husband has a great privilege and responsibility in representing

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I. GOD WANTS WIVES TO BE FOLLOWERS

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THE BIBLICAL COMMAND FOR SUBMISSION

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§ John 5:30: “I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge; and My

CONCLUSION: As Christ is not inferior to the Father but subordinated

2. Submission does not mean that our husbands are infallible.

3. Submission does not mean that we as wives cannot think or be

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WHAT SUBMISSION IS:

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3. Submission, as all of God-ordained authority, is God’s means of