PROLOGUE

Sometimes in life, there are certain moments that make you into someone youve always wanted to be, but never thought you could be. There are certain moments where in you realize that you have to choose; You have to make a decision, your own decision and then see what happens next. Sometimes, life makes you choose between whats comfortable or whats unknown; What makes you feel safe, or what makes you whole; There are some risks you have to take, some moments that will make you You. Everyone makes choices and at the same time, most people judge others for the choices they made; Choices that didnt seem to be what everyone wanted or what everyone expected. Life is a riskChoices are, as well.

Sabrina
Winston and I were watching TV that night in my pad. Winston is my boyfriend. We have been together since sophomore year in college until our days in law school, until today, when we are both lawyers. You could say we have been together for almost all our adult life. Well, our 20s, that is. Were both 27, two of this towns best, young lawyers. Weve been on the same cases forever, and although some of you would say thats wonderful and that were lucky, I cant say the same. Most of the cases Winston and I defended were win-win cases. Like, we really didnt have to prove anything to win. I didnt study all those years just for that. The problem is, Winstons kind of the always sure guy. The one who always thinks things are in black and white, the one whos so smart he feels like you cant outsmart him. He was one of the topnotchers of my batchs bar exams, he was Cum Laude when we graduatedhe always, always won. His house was in black and white, he helped me choose (or more of, he chose) the color scheme and the ornaments in my pad, which were, of course, in black and white. He was always there (so much) when there are decisions to do; In fact, I could say that most of the decisions Ive made were because of him and for him. I cant even remember who I was before him, and I dont know who I am right now, as well. All I know is, Hes my boyfriend and up to this day, he has always made right and safe decisions.

As I was saying, we were watching TV that night when something caught my eye. It was the documentary we were watching for today was the 15th anniversary of The Huff homicide. A lot of people get killed, you might say, but the case was quite celebrated (I always hated how theyd say a case was celebrated, people die, for heavens sake) back then. Brian Huff was an upcoming actor who was just 19 when he died. Everyone said his friend, Samuel Montag killed him with a gun. No one defended Samuel and for all

intents and purposes, hes considered the killer and has been serving time in jail for 15 years now. He was just 19 when he got in. As it is the anniversary of the case, rumors of having the case re-opened surfaced. But, the thing is, no one seems to be wanting having to deal with it (Or with Samuel Montag) anymore.

So, hes in jail just because no one wants anything to do with his case? I finally spoke. Winston looked at me as if I said something stupid, the way he usually does. No, He said, drinking some wine, Hes in jail because he killed the guy. But thats only because there were no witnesses Sab, hes been there 15 years, hes paying for what he did. But what if he didnt actually kill Brian? I said, What if something else happened but no one bothered to know what it was? The evidences were clear, He said, He was holding the gun when people found him. He was hysterical, which meant that maybe, he wanted to run away. He was in his house, he killed him. I took a deep breath and then finally told him what Ive been wanting to say all along, I wanna take on his case. I expected Winston to look at me seriously and give me a definite answer, or at least, a serious argument. Instead, I got a barrel of laughs. When I wasnt speaking, he finally fixed his gaze on me and snorted, Wait, He said, Youre serious? What makes you think Im not? Hun, you wouldnt want anything to do with that case. It will be the worst thing youd ever do! He laughed. Why? Its a no-win situation, He said, Brian Huff was a former actor who was killed by that Samuel guy. Everyone knows that. Theres nothing to prove. But there was something to prove. I knew there was. I think it would be good for me to

But he didnt let me finish, It would be the death of your career. He said, Sabrina, youre just tired. He went on and kissed me on the forehead as he stood up from the couch, You should go to bed, drink your antiinsomnia pills, if you may. And stop thinking about taking on that stupid case, He laughed, Ill see you tomorrow. And then he got out of my pad, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

*** Flashback to 2002. I was 18, a college sophomore and was one of the organizers of that years Christmas ball. I was eclectic, creative and had all these crazy ideas in mind. Everyone were still kind of on the aftermath of the Britney-MadonnaChristina kiss at that years VMAs thats why I thought of making the theme similarCome with whoever you love, or if youre single, then it doesnt matter. Just party, no rules but wear a bridal dress and grooms suit. The students loved the idea and flocked to the party. We also made use of a stage similar to what Justin Timberlake used, like a cd player. I was drinking some champagne by the dining table when someone came up to me. He had a short brown hair, chiseled shoulders, and a commanding presence. His smile was infectious, thats what I initially thought. I knew him from one of our subjects; He was also a familiar face at the library. Crazy theme, huh? He smiled at me. I laughed, Timely. I told him. You know, He said, A few days from now, the faculty might not like thisYou should start rehearsing what youre gonna tell them, you wouldnt want this on your record Uhm, I said, For the record, I dont do those stuffI know how to defend myself. He laughed, Sorry, He said, That was a bad startI justIm Winston and I think youre really cute. I always wanted to go out with you. Oh. I said, surprised. So? How does tomorrow night sound?

I thought that was too forward of him, but I liked it, just the same. Sounds good. I smiled. From then on, we started going out. It was good, at first, but after the first couple of months, he just became thisThis very controlling person, very dominative. Like, he wanted to win all the time. My mom liked him because she thought he was the force who would be able to control my erratic, crazy behavior; The one who would be able to control my wild, fresh antics. With Winston, you cant expect anything new. He was walking along a straight path and wouldnt allow anyone to let him take a curve, even me. I couldnt count the number of times I wanted to call it off, to break up with him, but every single time, Id make up excuses for his behavior and I allowed myself to stay. For eight years, its been the same way. I woke up at 5 am, feeling my heart beat a lot in my chest. I drank some water, took a bath and dressed for work. It was gonna be a long day.

*** That day, for some reason, Winston wasnt in the law office. It was weird because he never really got late or absent; Well, maybe, there was a case he was working on. Great, I thought. Now, I could get on working on Samuel Montags case without him interrupting. I went to the 3rd floor of the office, the archives room and found Grace, the woman who takes care of the archives. Grace is a very smart lawyer, but she hasnt really been practicing. Sab, She told me as she took out the files regarding Samuel Montag, Are you sure about this? I smiled, It would be a challenge, but I believe its gonna be worth it. Does Wisnton know? Yeah, I answered, But he doesnt really want me to do anything about it

I cant blame him, She said, Sab, its a no-win situation here. Samuels lawyers left him years ago because no one wanted to be in his defense. Everything points out to him killing Brian. I think its worth a try. She smiled, Whatever you say, Sabrina She said as she handed me the papers. I opened the folder and saw his pictureSamuel Montags picture. He was just 19 when he was convicted; He was young, still in college and had the whole world ahead of him. I noticed he had beautiful gray eyes. I wonder how he looked like now. Thanks, Grace. I said. She smiled, Goodluck. She shot back.

Winston
This would have to be the best case of my life, so far. And it would kill me to not let Sabrina be part of this. With this, shell forget about wanting to take on Samuel Montags case. With this, shell say Im right again, the way I always am. Today, I would be in a meeting with the Huffs. Right, Brian Huffs family his sister and his mom. His dad died years ago. His sister called me this morning, saying she heard about the case being re-opened, that she wouldnt want anyone taking on Samuels case. She needed a tougher team of lawyers. I found Sasha, Brians sister at their foyer. She was waiting for me with a cup of coffee on the table. Hi, Wisnton. She said. Hey. I shot back, sitting down across her. Ill keep this simple, She told me, I dont want Samuel Montag out of jail. He should die there. He killed my brother. If someone takes on his case, who knows? It could be the cause of confusion. My mother, She said, pointing to a woman in her early 50s standing by their porch and looking nowhere, She doesnt talk to anyone. She stopped the conversations after Brian died She sighed, Now my dads gone, too. Ive nothing left. I dont want anyone ruining my brothers memory. I understand I said. If there are any other good lawyers you know, you can let them in. I smiled, I will. I said, thinking of Sabrina.

Sabrina
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I walked into the visitors area of the jail waiting for him. Samuel Montag. Today, I was going to see him. I was gonna tell him that I wanted to be his lawyer. A few minutes later, he came out with some police officers. I remembered how he looked like in the photo on the folder I was holding. He was 34 now but looked almost the same now, except with a shaved head, and sadness lingering in his beautiful gray eyes. Hi, I greeted, Im Sabrina Johnson, I read about your case and I wanna be your lawyer. He laughed as he sat down, Is this a joke? He asked sarcastically, fixing those gray eyes on me. No. I told him. Ive been here for fifteen years, theres nothing you can do. Of course there is, I told him, We can fight for you. He laughed again, No one was able to do that fifteen years ago, how could you? I ignored that last comment. I ignored him speaking like he was a hopeless case; I always believed that nothings really hopeless, that sometimes, just sometimes, we could still make things right. But growing up, especially him growing up in prison, maybe had something to do with that just like all of us. As kids, we are hopeful human beings; We dream, we believe, we have the greatest wishes. But, when we grow up, those hopes and dreams just sort of, fade away. We learn to go through life in our own ways, we find something to hold on to, whatever that is. But sometimes, life gives us a fatal blow and we fail to hold on to the things we wanted to hold on to. I looked at Samuel and saw that beneath that tough exterior, he was a fragile child, wanting hope, wanting someone or something to hold on to. Tell me, I asked him, Did you kill Brian Huff? He seemed irritated, I already said these years ago. I did not kill him. I may have been at his house, yes, I was holding the gun, but I didnt kill him.

It was his gun. It was an accident, he pulled the trigger and thats what killed him. He said, But it doesnt matter, right? No one believes me anyway. I shook my head. I believe you. I told him, actually meaning it. So you really wanna be my lawyer? Yes. Why? He asked, What does this have in store for you? I bit my lip and took a deep breath before answering, Id love a challenge I answered, And as much as this could help my career, I know it could help you, as well. Will I be able to get out of here? I cant promise you anything, I told him, But I wanna tell you that I will do my best in defending you. That I believe you. That soonThat soon you might be out of here. That I paused and then, That youll get what you really deserve. He didnt say anything but just nodded his head. To me, that was enough reason to continue with this fight.

*** That night, I waited for Winston at the restaurant we always had dinner at. He was ten minutes late, as he usually was. When he hopped in the restaurant, he was beaming and I was so surprised. He never beamed like that. Winston was a serious guy, he never had moments like these. He kissed me on the cheek. Im sorry He was going to explain but I cut him off. Its okay. I said, a little too uptight. You wouldnt believe where I was today, He smiled. Spill. I was in a meeting, He told me proudly, With the Huffs. Brian Huffs parents. They got me as their newest lawyer! He told me and I looked as if someone had thrown a bomb on me. Once again, Wisnton found a way to rain on my parade. He went on, You should be with me. Well win this case, Sab, and Samuel Montag will rot in jail!

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No, I told him, II cant. This shocked him, Why? Is anything wrong? Because, I was also in a meeting today, I said, with Samuel Montag. What?! Im taking on his case. Ill be his lawyer. Didnt we already talk about this, Sab? He said, Being on Samuels side would only ruin your career. You wont win this, youd just add insult to the injury. Just defend the Huffs with me. Youre asking me to leave Samuel alone? Yes. I cant do that, I told him, I cant just let the poor guy alone. Why not? He asked sarcastically, Sabrina, the guys been in jail for fifteen years! Exactly the point. This conversation should be over, Sabrina, He said, Stop being such a rebel. Making my own decisions makes me a rebel? Sab, Wisnton, I just need you to support me now. I told you I wanted to take on this case, the first case Id be handling alone. A case I really want to take on. You cant just tell me to drop it for the Huffs Okay, I understand your frustration, Sab, He said and again, I cut him off. No, you dont. I said, You never did. You always just wanted to win. You always think youre right, Its because I am. He said, Remember all those times I saved your skin in college? All those times I asked the dean and everyone to not give you any reprimands because of your stupid rallies with those stupid students? How I saved you from falling downhill, huh? You were spiraling downward, Sabrina, youre smart but you make all these crazy decisions. I cant let you do that now. I cant let you ruin your career. I didnt ask the owner of one of this countrys best review centers to take you in for you to take on this no-

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win case. I only want whats best for you, Sabrina. Weve won cases together. He then held my hand, Were a team. Well, I said, letting go of his grip, tears welling up in my eyes, I guess we shouldnt be anymore. What? You dont care about me, you care about yourself. You dont want whats best for me, you want whats best for yourself. Because if you really wanted to help me, youd support me right now. I said, I never asked you for anything, Winston. Just this. Only this. He looked at me for a little while before answering, I dont think I can. He said. Well then I guess its over. I said, under my breath, Were over. I expected him to say something, anything, to stop me. I expected him to say he was gonna support me, that he was willing to understand me, that he loved me and was willing to take a fresh start. Isnt that what someone who really loves you will do? But thats the thing about expectationsthey just leave you heartbroken. One day, He finally spoke, Youll regret this night, Sabrina. And then he stormed out of the restaurant without even looking back.

*** I got home minutes later and locked the front door. I hurriedly went to my bedroom and sat down on bed. This house reminds me so much of him the black and white furnishings, the walls, the ornamentseverything. The house was a metaphor for everything else that was wrong with my life. My life that had become a boring, monotonous thing. Eight years ago, I thought I loved him and that I found the guy who I can be with for the rest of my life. When youre young, you tend to be so idealistic. You tend to airbrush things. You make yourself feel like everything in your life is right; that everything is perfect just so you could conceal the

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hidden truths behind. Winston seemed perfectmaybe, he was. And that was the problem. Because I wasnt, and I wont ever be. Thinking back to what he said, I dont think he ever really saved my skin. What he did was Save his skin. He was one of the top students in schoolhe shouldnt have any bad thing connected to his name. I used to rally for all these causes: same sex marriage, anti-violence stuff, antibullying, women empowerment, special childrens privilegesyou name it, Ive rallied it. Winston hated that about me. He said it was stupid, that I should just study. That I didnt come to school just to rallyI was there to study. My mom sided on him, of course. And just because I thought I was doing the right thing, because I thought I had to please them to make them love me more, I gave in. Now I realized that for the past eight years, I havent really been living my own life my own wayI was living my life in Wisntons way. I used to be independentwhat had happened to that? I was a non-conformist; I was me and I almost gave all of that up. Eight years. I spent it all with Wisnton. Now, hes gone, Im all alone again. No, wait, Ive always been alone. Im single now, thats the point. Was it too late to start over? Was it too late to be me again? Just when I was thinking of all those questions, my cellphone rang. I took it out of my bag and saw that my mom was calling. She never called me unless there was an emergency, or when she needed to tell me about something Ive done wrong. Mom? I answered her call, confused. Did you break up with Winston because youre taking on Samuel Montags case? She asked me directly. I was surprised. And then, suddenly, I wasnt anymore. Did Wisnton call you? Dont answer me with another question, Sabrina. I sighed, Yes I said.

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I thought you were done with your stupid decisions, Sabrina? She said, Drop that case and get back with Winston. For heavens sake, stop acting like a kid! My mom was mad. And when she was mad, she was fuming mad. Mom Drop the case, Sabrina. She said sternly. I sighed, Icant, I said, Im sorry. Sab But I already shut down my phone as the tears started to fall down from my eyes. More than the pain of breaking up with someone Ive been with for eight years, the pain of knowing your mother still doesnt accept you as who you are is much, much worse.

Samuel
When Sabrina walked inside the visitors lounge the following day, I couldnt help but notice her red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes. Has she been crying

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all night? She sat across me and I stared at her for a little while before speaking, noticing how fidgety she was. Have you been crying all night? I asked. She was taken aback and put on her shades, Im your lawyer, Im the one who should be asking questions. She sighed and then added, But if you must know, yes, I have been. I just broke up with my longtime boyfriend because he didnt want me taking on your case and he wants me to join him in being one of the Huffs newest legal counsel. Oh. I said, Than drop my case. She fixed her gaze on me and sighed, Are you insane? She asked, I wont do that. Why? You already lost your boyfriend, we probably would lose this case Why are you so pessimistic? She asked. Ive been here for 15 years, I told her, What makes you think theres still a future for a 34 year old guy like me? Ive lost half of my life here. Why are you so enthusiastic about my case, anyway? She sighed, First, I couldnt just drop this because by then, nothing would be left for me And then she added, And secondly, I believe that sometimes, some people deserve second chances. She told me as she looked me in the eye. Even if she had bloodshot eyes today, her eyes were still beautiful. Like, it resonates every aspect of her personality. She then went on, Now, tell me your story. Tell me about that night at Brian Huffs house. What for? How would I defend you if I didnt know everything about that night? I sighed, Fine. I said. I would never forget that night. It may have been fifteen years but its still seared in my memory. Perhaps its because it is the reason why Im here, and at the same time, its also the reason why I shouldnt be here. There are some things you just dont forget.

15

It was October 15, 1995. The eve of my girlfriend, Gillians birthday. We have been together for six months then, which for me, was the best six months of my life. Nevermind if her ex, our friend, Brian was continually pestering us. Nevermind if as a budding actor, he would be on all these talk shows and say that he was still reeling over a bad break-up, that his exgirlfriend went with his bestfriend. Sure, it might be what you consider unethical. But I wanna tell you this: Ive always loved Gillian. Ever since we were ten and in middle school, ever since we were those kids running around the bushes. I just didnt have the courage to tell her because Brian, my bestfriend was so keen on pursuing her. And he did. When we were fourteen, they started dating and I have dated other girls, too, but nothing really lasted. Whereas for them, everything seemed to be going well. Seemed, because they really werent. Brian was immature. I couldnt count the number of times hes hurt Gillian and the number of times she forgave him. He had vices, he had girlshe was tempted so easily and every time, he would ask Gillian to forgive him. Hed say hed change, but he never did. So, after four years of being together, Gillian finally decided to end their relationship. She told him he was forgiven, but she couldnt be with him anymore. I didnt take advantage of the situation, if thats what youre thinking, Gillian and I were still friends and being in college, we spent lots of time together. Our relationship just progressed, thats it. Five months after she and Brian broke up, we got together. And since then, Brian has threatened to kill himself. If I could just go back to that night and change something, I would. I probably wouldve called the doctors, the cops, anyone. I wouldnt go there with Gillian. We wouldnt be there and perhaps, wed still be together. But thats not what happened.

That night, while Gillian and I were inside her house, watching a movie (Breakfast at TiffanysGillian loved classics), her mom called her from

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where the telephone was and said that someone wanted to talk to her; to us. Gillian answered the phone. Hello? She said and I listened as she spoke to the person on the other line some more, Hold it, She said, Brian, dont What happened? I asked as I took the receiver from her. I heard Brians voice on the other line. Im gonna kill myself if you dont go here tonight He said, I need to see you, I need to see Gillian Whats this bull? I said angrily. Come here or Ill kill myself. He then put the phone down. I looked at Gillian who was already panic and guilt-stricken, I think we should go. She told me breathlessly. Come on. I said as I held her hand and said goodbye to her parents. We hastily drove to Brians house which was thirty minutes away. I opened the door and found him in the living room, holding a .38 magnum. What the I exclaimed as I saw him. You came He said, looking deranged, My sweet Gillian, you came He tried to hold Gillian but I spread my arms wide in front of her. Brian what are you doing? I said, Drop the gun. Gillian was crying, Brian, lets talk about this No! He shouted, If you guys break up, then fine, its all good. Son of a bitch, thats not gonna happen! I told him. Sam! Gillian screamed, scared. Well, Brian then said, pointing the gun on me, then Id have to kill you. Brian, dont! Gillian cried. You stop this shit, I said as I walked up to him and tried to pull the gun away. We both held on to it, as if we were playing tug-of-war, but this time, with a gun. One wrong move and someone would be killed. But at that moment, I really didnt careI just wanted to protect Gillian. Guys, stop! She was crying. Brian and I were still fighting when suddenly, his hand clutched the part of the gun where the trigger was and the next thing I knew, the gun was pointing at him as he abruptly, accidentally pulled the trigger. Blood spurted

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out of his mouth and Gillian stood there, her mouth agape. I couldnt speak for a few seconds, I didnt know what to say or do. Jill, get some help! I said. She just looked at me, her eyes full of tears and then she got out of the house, running away. Gillian! I shouted, scared and hysterical at the same time. I couldve called someone, I couldve dropped the gun and called someone. Instead, I just stayed there, looking at my one-time bestfriend who wasnt breathing, sprawled on the floor in front of me. Minutes later, the neighbors went up to us, with the police with them. Drop the gun, youre under arrest. One of the policemen said. I did not kill him, I said breathlessly, but it was too late for they had already handcuffed me and brought me to the police station with no one coming for my defense. To them and to the whole world, I had killed Brian Huff.

I took a deep breath as I finished telling Sabrina the story. It seemed like an eternity. I looked at her and for the first time in all these years, I didnt see any hint of prejudice or judgmentit was like she believed me. But what I saw in her eyes were a lot of questions. So, She finally said, Wheres Gillian? Of course. Of course, shed ask me that. And I wish I had an answer, but I didnt. No one really did. I have no idea. I told her honestly. She didnt come back for you? I shook my head, No. I said. You didnt see her after that night? No, I said, She justdisappeared. No one knew where she went. No one saw her after that night. No one believed me that I was with her She just nodded her head, looking unsure. You need her for the case, dont you? She bit her lip and nodded her head, Yeah. She said. And if we dont find her, wed lose. I said, Just drop the case. Shes been gone for ages, anyway.

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I wont do that, She said with finality, Especially now that Ive heard what you had to say.

Sabrina
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Tough. It was gonna be tough. Thats what I thought as I was driving to Sams parents house after my meeting with him. We needed to find Gillian, she needed to be back in Orange County if we wanted to win the case. She has to testify. But where in the world was she? I parked the car in front of the Montags house and rang the doorbell. A maid opened the gate for me and I smiled at her as I went in. Samuels dad, Antoine, greeted me as he saw me in their living room. He looked a lot like Samuel, except with Gray hair. He was in his early 60s. Were glad to see you here. He told me as he shook my hand. I took a seat beside him and across Samuels mom, Althea. She was in her late 50s and sported platinum blonde curls. She was still beautiful. I think we have a chance here, I told them, Ill do all my best to find Gillian. With what Samuel told me, it seems like shes our biggest hope. How could you find her? Althea said, sounding hurt and hopeless, In fifteen years, no one did. Althea, Antoine said. Its because no one cared. I told them, But I do. Why? Althea said, Because it could help your career? She was right, but there was another reason. I took a deep breath, Because I couldnt just allow myself not to do anything for Samuel. I believe in your son. Althea took a deep breath, Just dont give my son false hopes. She said, Hes been through so much already. Excuse me. She then made her way out of the living room. Im sorry about that Antoine told me, Shes justIts very hard dealing with having your son in prison when you know he didnt do anything wrong. He went on, Its even harder when you know that no one believes you, no one wants to take on your case. Weve had lawyers come up to us and then drop the case in a blink of an eye. It doesnt feel too good.

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Its okay, I gave him a slight smile, I understand. Sabrina, He asked me, Do you honestly think Sam could still get out of prison? It would be tough, I said, remembering his story about Gillian, But I believe he would. I held Antoines hand, Trust me, your son will get what he deserves. He smiled, Thank you. No, I said, Thank you.

***

When I got home that night, I felt like finally, I was doing something good. Gillian may still be away, but its a modern worldwell find her. Well win this. I want to win thistalking to Sams parents only strengthened my belief that I was fighting for a worthy cause, that maybe, I made the right decision. I opened the lights in my bedroom and realized that as much as Ive started to make my own decisions again, this room makes me feel like I havent. This room, my room, is all about my old life with Wisnton. And thats when I knew I needed to leave. I took my phone out from my bag and dialed a friends number, one I knew who could help me. Seth? I said, speaking to my friend on the phone, Do you think I could move in one of your apartment units tomorrow?

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Myrille
I kept fidgeting as I finished watching TV that night. Samuel Montags case would be re-opened, a young lawyer by the name of Sabrina Johnson is his new lawyer. You might be curious as to why I would be affected about this case, well let me tell you: I know what happened that night. Or at least, partly. It was my bestfriend, Gillian Gallagher who did. She was with Samuel that night. I remember her in tears and in sweats as she arrived in my doorstep that night, all nervous and scared. I asked her why and she told me that Brian Huff was dead. That she was there and she saw what happened. That she left Samuel there, that she was so scared, she didnt know what to do. She was crying. She was hysterical. There was just one clear thing she told me: Samuel didnt kill Brianit was Brian who pulled the trigger. I told her that

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maybe, we should go to the police, that maybe, we should tell them the truth. She said no and kept crying. She said all she wanted to do was forget about that night, forget about what happened. She wanted to run away. She hastily called her family and told them that if ever anyone asks them if they knew Samuel and Brian, they should say no. She said they should go to my house (I was alone, my parents were in Spain) and that shed book tickets for them to go to New York. They had to leave. I told her to calm down, but she said she just wanted to go. That she was sorry, but she couldnt go and see Samuel. That she would never be able to face his, or Brians family. All she had to do was go. I want to say that I did something to stop my bestfriend from just running away, that I did something to save her and Samuel, that I told the police the truth, but being young and being Gillians friend, I thought that maybe, she was right. Maybe, stepping in on the case would only be messy. So, I allowed her to do what she wanted. I allowed her to get her new life, to move to New York. In two days, she was gone. When I heard that Samuel was in jail, I couldnt help but feel guilty. But what would I do? Ask my bestfriend to come back and save her boyfriend? She was scared, I didnt wanna push her. Gillian and I dont talk that much anymore. We call each other sometimes, but not all the time. I guess, talking to me only reminds her of her past, of the bad days, of that fateful night in 1995. When she left, she really did. One time she told me that she didnt want any memories of Orange County anymoreshe left; She didnt belong here anymore. Fifteen years. In all these years, Ive felt guilty. Ive felt like I didnt do anything when I couldve done something. I cry each time I would pass the jail where Samuel was staying. Each night reminds me of October 15, 1995. And you know what? For the first time in fifteen years, I finally knew what I had to do.

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Sabrina
Good thing I have one free unit left, Seth said as we were moving my things from my car to the apartment unit I would be staying at the next day. Seth has been my friend since college and even if time came that we didnt get to see each other much anymore, the bond still stayed. I guess, some things just dont change. What made you want to leave your place, anyway? I wanted to tell him that I needed change, that I needed something to remind me that I was being myself again, that I was starting my life over But I figured that maybe, it was a little too early for heavy stuff like that. I just I said, struggling for words and then finally found what I had to say, needed some color. Oh, He said as a smile went up his face, Well, then, youre in the right place We walked towards my new apartment unitit was Pink, with a white picket fence and some flowers in front. Very pristine, yet fresh. He opened the door and handed me the key as we laid down the boxes on the floor. It may not be as exquisite as your old place but, I think youll fit right in hereIts Homey. I smiled as I finished for him, noticing that the house made me feel at home, even at first sight. Definitely homey. He laughed, So, He said as he looked at me, Are you okay?

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I sighed and smiled, Yeah, wellIll get byIm getting by. He nodded his head, Did you and Winston broke up because youre taking on Samuel Montags case? Yeah, I told him. There was no point in lying to Seth, You think I made the wrong decision? Maybe you doYou might think Im stupid No, He said, Actually, I like what you did. Reminds me of the old you He smiled, Passionate, fierce, you know I laughed, Really? Yeah He smiled, By the way, a friend of mine from the hardware store sent me some free stuff, really cool wallpapers, you know, if you wanna put them up Thanks, Seth. I smiled. Anytime, He smiled back, Ill just be next door if you need me Okay, I smiled, Thank you, Seth. I really appreciate it. No worries, He said, Just holler, okay? I nodded my head and thanked him one more time. He went out of the door and there I was, in my new house, smiling. I cant wait to decorate it.

*** Hours later, when I got my things settled, Seth and I were decorating my room with some loud wallpaperswell, just louder than my black and white room. You know, those wallpapers with designs on them, circles in different sizes, different colors. I thought it was fun. He also helped in fixing my bookshelf. Its good to see you smiling, He said, I was worried when you called last night. Sorry about that, I said, plopping down on bed, Its justIts been a rough couple of days. That I can see He said, You know, Sab, dont be guilty over breaking up with Winston. You shouldve done it years ago. You think?

25

He nodded his head as he sat down on the beanbag across the bed, Dont think Im saying this just because I am not a big fan of the guy, He went on, But I think, hes always been a little too controlling of you. I told you that, remember? And those times he stood you up! I mean, Sab, you deserve better than that. I nodded my head and took a deep breath, To be honest, I really have no idea how I managed to stay with him for so long. Well, you loved him, He told me, Butyou mightve thought that you know, staying with him was the right thing to do. We could all do that, think wronglyAt least youre out of it now. Thanks, Seth I smiled. It was good knowing someone still understood me, someone was still there for me. Just then, my phone rang, Wait a second I told Seth as I answered the phone call. It was my mom. Mom? I said. Not again, I thought. Sabrina, I went to your place and it was closed! Your neighbors said you left! Where are you?! Mom, calm down, Are you going insane, Sabrina? Where in the world are you? Im just I said, not really knowing what to say, I moved out. I sighed. What? Where are you? Mom, justJust give me a break, okay? I said, Sorry. I then shut my phone down. Mom just called, eh? Seth said as I sighed. I smiled and sighed one more time, She thinks Im insane for breaking up with Winston. I took a deep breath, Ill never be good enough for her. Suddenly, I fell short of breath and wheezed. Hey, hey, Seth said, holding me, Are you okay? Yeah, yeah, dont worry, I said, taking a deep breath, Ill just be using my inhalerAsthma attack, its been terrible recently. I sighed, Weather plus all these issues You need a break, He said, Ill see what I can cook, okay? You, meanwhile, should use your inhaler and stay still for a minute or so. I smiled, Thanks, Seth. I said.

26

***

Seth cooked Beef casserole for dinner and boy, was it good. I havent eaten much in so longWinston always said I had to watch my diet. Youve got to be kidding, Seth said, in between mouthfuls of the beef casserole, You mean, he would only let you eat veggies? And you can only eat meat once a week? He said it was for my own good I cant believe how superficial he is! He said, Sabrina, youre a big eater! I know I said, God, I really let him take over my life, huh? Yeah, Seth said, Anyway, dont worry, at least youre starting over. So, how have you been? I asked him, Its been forever since I last saw you He laughed, Yeah, well, its tough being a broker I laughed, eating some beef, Not dating anyone? Nope, He said, My last relationship has ended for like, 8 months now Oh. No one loves me. He laughed. Oh, whatever, Seth. I laughed, as well. I missed times like these. It was like, we were back in college again. Im glad youre here, Seth. I said. He smiled, Im glad youre so back, Sab.

***

27

The following Monday, I was back in the office, but in a different room. Since one of my co-lawyers just left for Finland, I decided to take over her room, in the third floor of the building near the archives area, so I wouldnt be near Winston. Luckily, he wasnt in the office again that day. I was busy tinkering with my laptop, searching the internet for more clues about Gillian Gallaghers whereabouts when someone knocked on my door. I stood up to see who it was and found out it was Sky, one of our clerks/secretaries. Miss Johnson, someones looking for you downstairs She said. Who is it? I asked. Im not really expecting anyone today Uhm, yeah, she said she didnt have an appointment but she needed to tell you something regarding Samuel Montags case Sky told me in hushed tones, She said it was important. Oh, I said, surprised, Okay, tell her to wait for me in the cafeteria, Ill be there in a bit. I smiled lightly, Thanks, Sky She nodded her head as she made her way to the elevator. *** I walked in the cafeteria minutes later and found a woman who I assumed was in her early 30s looking nervous sitting at a table near the windows. She saw me walking towards her and she stood up. Sabrina Johnson? She said nervously. I nodded my head and smiled lightly as I extended my hand for a handshake, Youre? Myrille Thomas. She said as she shook my hand. We sat down seconds after. So, I started, My secretary said you wanted to talk to me? She just nodded her head. I did the same and went on, What do you know about Samuel Montag? It took her a couple of seconds before speaking, We wereWe were batchmates in college. Oh,

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Well more than that, She said, fidgeting, Im bestfriends with her exGillian Gallagher. Oh my God, I said, You know Gillian? She nodded her head. You know where she is? Shes inShes in New York, Myrille told me, Shes married now, she goes by the name Gillian McDowellWell, before that, she chose to be Gillian Masen, taking on her mothers maiden name She actually looked scared as she told me those stuff, Shes gonna get so mad if she finds out I did this butBut I just cant hide anymore You know anything? I asked curiously, You know what happened that night? She nodded her head, She ran to my house afterAfter Brian got shot You know who shot Brian? She took a deep breath before speaking, Gillian said it was Brian who accidentally shot himself She knows what happened. Then, I said, Why didnt you come out fifteen years ago? I was scared, She answered, Jill told me thatThat it would be better if we just kept quiet, if we just moved onShe said she wanted to move on, she didnt want to be haunted by this forever Myrilles tears then started to come out, Im so sorryI didnt mean to ruin Samuels life, its justGillians my bestfriend and she needed to start over Do you know that the effects of what you did made Samuels life a living hell? She cried some more, It wasnt easy for me too She said, It has haunted me since then, I just didnt have the courage to come out and She paused then went on, I cant betray Gillian. But you both betrayed Samuel, I said then calmed myself down, Myrille, what Sams going through isnt a joke. I know, Im sorry I nodded my head and took a deep breath, So I said, Now that you went up to me, are you willing to testify for Samuel?

29

It took her a couple of minutes before saying anything. Myrille? She looked at me and took a deep breath, Yes, She said, I am.

Samuel
I couldnt believe my eyes. Sabrina brought Myrille with her to see me in prison. I havent seen her sinceWell, since I was brought here fifteen years ago. She was Gillians bestfriend in college and she was one of the smartest girls in school. I have no idea why shes here, anyway. What could she know? I mean, if she knew anything, she couldve come up ages ago, right? Myrille? I said as I saw her. Sam She said silently, having a hard time looking me in the eyes. I turned to Sabrina, What is she doing here? I asked. Sabrina took a deep breath as she fixed her gaze on me, She came to my office a few days ago She said, She wants to testify for you. I was shocked, What? I asked, then looked at Myrille, What do you know? I asked Myrille. She couldnt answer or look me in the eye. I turned to Sabrina again, What does she know? I asked. She took a deep breath, Sam, She paused and then, That night That night when Brian diedGillianGillian went to Myrilles place. What?! I said, shocked, Why didnt she tell me earlier? Is this true? I asked Myrille. She nodded her head. Gillians with you? No, Myrille finally spoke, ShesShes not here. ButBut I know everything, she told me everything. At that point, I flared up. If you knew everything, I said thru gritted teeth, Then why didnt you tell everyone fifteen years ago? If you knew everything, then whyd you let me rot in here? If you knew everything

30

Sam, calm down! Sabrina said. Myrille was crying. Im sorry, Myrille cried, Im so sorryGillian justShe asked me not to say anything, sheShe needed a fresh start Shewhat?! I said, angrier now, She needed a fresh start? What about me? What about me, huh? I went on, not minding Sabrina holding me, Didnt I also deserve a fresh start? Didnt I deserve the chance to be free?! Sam, Myrille said. Sam, enough. Sabrina said, That wont help you in any way. Calm down. How can I calm down when she just told me that she allowed these things to happen? That Im here because no one testified for me even if there was someone out there who knew the truth? I know how you feel, Sabrina said. No, you dont. I told her. Sam, Im your lawyer, calm down. She said. I took a deep breath and couldnt believe I still had tears to shed. I was shaking. How could they have done that? I asked Sabrina, They ruined my life! She nodded her head, Sam, its gonna be okay. She told me, You want your fresh start, right? Well give you your fresh start. Youll get your fresh start. Myrille will testify. But she couldve done it years ago! I said. We cannot turn back time, Samuel, but we still have the future. Sabrina said, sounding like a guidance counselor, It will be fine. She told me, softly and firmly at the same time. Now, sit down. I sighed as I sat down. She did the same thing and sat down beside Myrille who was still crying. Both of you, listen to me, Sabrina said, Our first arraignment will happen by Friday next week. Now, Gillian may not be here yet, but we have to focus on what we have now. Myrille testifying for you Sam means that we have a point; that theres another side to the story, that you didnt kill Brian. Thats whats important right now. Except it took her fifteen years to come to my defense. I said sarcastically.

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Sam. Sabrina said firmly, Whats important is she came, okay? She said, We have something to prove. It will be fine. I looked at her and wished I could believe her, but I didnt know if I could. Its hard to be in prison. But you know whats harder? Knowing youre in prison because some people were not brave enough to stand up for you.

Sabrina
You know how it seems like when you are dreading something so much, time just seems so fast to bring you to it? It was just last week when I had that meeting (a very emotional meeting) with Samuel and Myrille and now Myrille and I are getting out of my car to go to the arraignment at this courthouse.

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Myrille and I were walking to the court when I saw Winston and Brians sister, Sasha walking towards us. We all stopped I front of each other, the tension building. The guy youre defending killed my brother, Sasha said after she gave me a head-to-foot look, I hope you know that. I took a deep breath, I think, were here because we have a point to prove. I hope you know that you dont. She said and then she went inside the courthouse. Winston and I didnt say anything before he spoke, in hushed tones. Dont do this to yourself, Sabrina. Dont do what? This, He said, as he came nearer to me, Dont throw your career away just for that guy. Get your act together. You know youre gonna lose. No, I said, with full-on confidence, Winston, were not. I gave him a vicious smile as Myrille and I walked towards the courthouse. ***

Winston is a master at cross-examination. Hes tough, hes nasty and hell make you look like youre not gonna win against him. Thats why that afternoon, as he did his questioning on Myrille, I felt gut-wrenched. Myrille could cry any minute, which wouldnt help our case so much. I was scared for Samuel; I was also scared for myself. So, Wisnton said, walking in front of the jury, Miss Myrille Thomas, youre telling us that you knew everything about Samuel Montags case since day one but you didnt tell anyone? Yes, Myrille answered, My friend Gillian didnt want me to Does your friend Gillian control your mind? No, but Objection, your honor, I said, Unnecessary. Sustained. Judge Morton said.

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Winston took a deep breath, Miss Thomas, if you knew about this fifteen years ago, why didnt you tell everyone? Because, as Ive said, Gillian didnt want me to Gillian didnt want you to? Why? Because she was scared, Myrille said, She was still young, we all were, back thenShe said, she needed a fresh start But you believed her when she told you that it was Brian Huff who killed himself? Yes, Why? Shes my friend, she would never lie to me. Everyone lies. She was scared Why would she be scared if she was telling the truth? She didnt want her life to be messier She didnt want her life to be messier? Wisnton said, Or she didnt want to tell a lie, a lie that Brian Huff killed himself in front of everyone? Its not a lie, If its not a lie, then you shouldve come forward fifteen years ago. Winston said, I believe this is just a case of publicity. I believe Miss Thomas here just wants to ride the bandwagon. He laughed. Objection! I called out loud, Your honor, he cannot talk to my client like that. Sustained. Judge Morton said. Wisnton sighed, So, again, Miss Thomas, why do you think Gillian Gallagher didnt tell everyone about this years ago? Because she was scared. Myrille said. Why? Myrille didnt answer for a little while until, Everyone gets scared. She finally said, We all do. Wisnton just nodded his head, Nothing further, your honor.

***

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Drop the case, Samuel told me after the hearing, Its useless without Gillian here. Sam, relax. I said, Gillian will be here soon. I didnt really wanna make him believe in false hopes, but at that moment, it seemed like the best thing to do. He just looked at me as the police escorted him back to the police car. Wait for me in the car. I told Myrille. *** I took Myrille to a restaurant to talk to her. And to talk to Gillian. I need you to call Gillian now. I told her. Gillian was our only hope. If she didnt surface anytime soon, Im not sure that we could win this. But, Myrille said, Im not really sure if shed like to I dont care. I said, We need her, Myrille. I know Winston. If we dont come up with Gillian anytime soon, ImIm not sure if we could really prove our point. I sighed, Please. Do this for Sam. She then nodded her head and nervously took out her phone and dialed Gillians number. It took a while before Myrille spoke again.

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Myrille
Jill? I said as Gillian answered her phone. Myrille. She said. It was more of an exasperated statement than a greeting. Before I could say anything else, Sabrina motioned for me to give her my phone.

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Sabrina
I took the phone from Myrille. Gillian McDowell? I spoke into the receiver. Gillian seemed surprised. Myrille? She said, Is that you? This is Sabrina Johnson, Samuel Montags lawyer. I said. Gillian was unable to speak for a few seconds, WhatWhat do you need? She said, after a bit. Gillian, we need your help. I told her. There was no point in not being straightforward right now, Myrilles testifying for Samuel but we still need you. We need to prove that Sams innocent. What? She said, Myrilles testifying? IWhy did she Because she had to. I said, Because the truth needed to be told. I dont think I can help you. She said. Gillian, Just then, I heard someone speak from the background, Mommy, I thought we were gonna bake Said a little girls voice. Yes, sweetie, just a second I heard Gillian say. She then breathed heavily and spoke to me again, Im sorry, She said, But I have a family to take care of But But she had already shut down her phone. I sighed heavily and realized one thing: For the first time since all this fiasco started, I was utterly and truly scared.

Gillian
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Mom? One of my fraternal seven year old twin daughters, Amelia, called on me after that phonecall. She looks exactly like me, but she inherited the blonde hair from Ben, my husband. Im not a natural blonde. Just a sec, sweetie I said, still frantic. Are you okay, mom? Coco, her twin, asked. Coco looks more like Ben. My twins, aside from being fraternal (thus, not being each others clones), have very different personalities. Amelias the sweet one, while Cocos more sassy. Amelia is this charming blonde, while Coco is the raging brunette (when she was born, everyone were surprised at the brunette locks; they didnt know it was because I was a brunette, in the first place), Cocos the one who stands up for her twin, while Amelia is the one whos always smiling at everyone. One thing that lets them bond though (me included) is baking. Yes, darling, I said, moving towards them, Why dont you and Amelia go make the pretzels first and then Ill bake them? Go, make any shape you want Really? Any shape? Coco said. Yes. I smiled. Thats so cool! Coco exclaimed. Whats the point of making pretzels when theyre not in their usual pretzel shape? Amelia said, tugging on her long blonde hair. I laughed, Whatever you want, girls I smiled. They laughed as well and started making the pretzels. I walked up to one of the large windows at home and stared outside. It was raining, which was rare this time of year in New York. The rain only emphasized the shocker that this day was. I feared that phone call. I didnt want that phone call. When I left Orange County fifteen years ago, it was because I wanted to leave fullyI didnt want to remember anything anymore. I didnt want to remember that night. And I wish I could tell you that I have forgotten it all, but no. The human mind makes so much space for things we want to forget,

38

ironically. How could I even forget, anyway? It happened on the eve of my 19th birthday. But I did what I thought was best: To leave. To try to live a new life. To give myself a fresh start. I didnt want to be bounded by what happened that night forever. I was young; if I stayed there, Id probably be in court, Id have to testify. And I cant. It was just too painful. I may not have loved Brian anymore during that time, but I felt like, somewhat I was the cause of why that night. If I hadnt been with Samuel, maybe Brian would still be alive. I know Sams in prison, and yes, it hurts. I do feel guilty about that, but what could I do? Go back? Should I have stayed there fifteen years ago? Maybe. But I couldnt. I had to run away.

After the things that happened that night, I ran to my friend, Myrilles place. A few days after, my mom and my siblings moved here to New York, taking on my moms maiden name. I needed a new identity. I dyed my hair blonde, enrolled in NYU a few months later and took up Business Administration. While in college, I also enrolled in a few short baking courses and established my own online bakeshop, Cremeria. It was a success. On one occasion, I met my husband, Ben. He ordered some pastries and when we met up, wellsparks flew. Hes a really, really nice and genuine guy, a very smart man, and a young entrepreneur. We decided to see each other again, and soon enough, the meetings were endless. Weve been married for eight years now. Its all goodexcept for the fact that he still doesnt know everything about me. What for? I had my fresh start, I now have him and our two lovely daughters; whats the point in bringing back the past? Exceptit seems like I have to. Although I dont know how to. That phonecall shouldnt have happened. I was still bounded by my thought when someone tapped me on the shoulder. Hun, are you okay?

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I turned back and saw my husband, Ben. I didnt know what to say; all I can do was give him a little smile and nod my head.

Seth
I was sitting in a bench in front of my house when I saw Sabrina getting out of her car after the trial, looking agitated. I stood up and greeted her. Hey, I said, Seems like someone needs a bit of pasta She laughed. Pasta was one of her favorites. Thanks, Seth She then went on, What are you doing outside? I was waiting for you, I said, How did the trial go? She just looked at me for a couple of seconds without saying anything. And then suddenly, she burrowed my head in my shoulders and started to cry.

40

*** When she has calmed down, we went inside my apartment unit and I served her dinnerPasta and some garden fresh pizza. She wasnt eating much, though. Dont let Winston get to you, I told her and drank some Mango juice, You know how he is. She sighed, Do you think that maybe I made the wrong decision? Do you think I shouldnt have taken on this case? Sabrina, stop fretting. I said, You did what you have to do. Its okay. It might be hard right now, but its gonna be okay. Its gonna be tough if Gillian wont come back here Sab, shell be back. I told her, Trust me. I hope youre right.

Gillian
Days after that phonecall from Orange County, things seemed to come back to normal, thank heavens. I seriously cant see myself going back there, testifying, leaving my family. I cannot put myself and all of them in that kind of ordeal. AndI cannot see Samuel. I dont think hell ever forgive me; to be honest, I havent really forgiven myself either. It was a Saturday and Ben, the twins and I were watching Spiderman 3 on DVD. It was one of our favorite movies, and Ben thinks its so cute that the girls have no problem watching movies like that, at all. He told me once that he doesnt feel like hes missing out because we dont have a son; on the contrary, hes thankful for the twins and says he couldnt think of asking for more. Bens arm was wrapped around my shoulder when the phone rang. Ill get it, He said as he kissed me on the forehead. Seconds later, he turned to me, Hun, its for you. Its from Orange County

41

The words Orange County gave me chills. I almost dropped the bowl of chips I was holding, but thank God Coco caught it. Mom! She said. Sorry I muttered, standing up. You okay, hun? Ben asked. I just nodded my head and got the receiver from him. Gillian McDowell? The voice on the other line said, Its Sabrina Johnson Her name rang a bell. Of course. Samuels attorney, how could I forget. What do you want? I said firmly. Gillian, if you could remember, Im Sams lawyer I cut her off, You dont have to remind me. I said, What do you want? We need your help. She said. I cant help you. Why not? I left The OC fifteen years ago so I could start a new life. I left that whole debacleIm not dabbling on that again. Did you ever dabble on it, anyway? Dont be sarcastic. I told her. Well, dont you think you at least owe Samuel an explanation? Dont you think you owe him half his life? I took a deep breath as I glanced at my perfect husband and my lovely daughters. My perfect family. I think about Samuel and the life I left, the life I didnt wanna go back to. Look, I said, Im really sorry for Samuel, believe me, I amBut, I paused for a few seconds then went on, I have a life to live. My life to live. Well, just in case you must know, Gillian, someone here has been suffering in jail for the past fifteen years because someone out there had no guts to defend him. She said in a tone I would call angry. And I guess, you at least owe him an apology. Well, more than that, I think you owe him his life. Hes not being able to live his own life in the proper way, in the free way, because of you. I hope you know that.

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I want to say that I didnt care, that none of what she said meant anything, that I dont owe anyone his life. I didnt know what to say, so I settled for the first word that came in mind: Sorry. I muttered. I heard her sigh, Think about it, Gillian. Make this right. She went on, Ill get back to you in a few days. And then she ended the call. I found myself just standing there, staring into space, until my husband came up to me. Hun, are you really okay? He asked. And then I figured I couldnt lie anymore. Im so sorry. I said as I cried and let him hold me for a couple of minutes.

*** Ben was still holding me as we sat down on the couch in our living room. The girls went out to see Trix, our neighbors daughter. Honey, its okay, He said as he held my hand, You can tell me anything. Thats the problemI wasnt able to tell him everything. I was crying. Im sorry. Im really sorry. What for? He asked, confused. I didnt tell you everything you had to know. What do you mean? I stayed silent for a few seconds before speaking again, When I left Orange County fifteen years ago, I didnt do it just because my family and I wanted a, you know, something newWe left for a reason. And what is that? Ben, I said, my voice muffled with tears, My real names Gillian Gallagher. Im not a natural blonde, Im a brunetteAndAnd I was once involved with Brian Huff. I knew that he knew who Brian washe saw one of his old movies before; I know because one time, early in our relationship, while it was the 5th anniversary of Brians death, there was one of those TV specials about him and Ben told me that he felt like Brian couldve been so much more.

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Brian Huff? The once budding actor who died in 95? I nodded my head and bit my lip, I was his ex-girlfriendAnd the guy whom everyone thinks killed himHesHes my boyfriend during that time that Brian died. What? The three of us were old friendsItsit just got complicated because I got together with Samuel This has something to do with those phone calls, doesnt it? I nodded my head, That was Samuels lawyer who called. What does she want? She wants me to testify. I said, For Samuel. What? But hes the one who killed Brian, right? Why would they make you testify? Thats the thing, I said, Samuel didnt kill Brian. It was Brian who shot himself. What?! Ben asked, more surprised this time, He killed himself? Suicide? It was an accident, I said, That nightHe called me and Sam. He told us that if we didnt go to his place, hed kill himself. And we went there, and then he and Sam got in this fightAt one point they were both holding the gunAnd thenand then Brian pulled the trigger. I closed my eyes, remembering the look of Brians body sprawled on the floor, blood spurting out of his mouth. Oh, God. Ben said. Well, if it was an accident, why is Samuel in prison? This was the question I dreaded to hear; this was the question I didnt wanna hear. But, I guess, thats how life goes: you have to face thingseven the things you fear. Because I ran. Because I left him there, alone. Because I didnt come back. BecauseBecause I was too scared to come back. Because I wanted to leave. And I wanted to live. I went on, You might think Im so selfish for doing what I did, and believe me, Ive been feeling guilty about that, as wellI mean, what sane person would do what I did, right? But at the same time, what sane person would let herself go through that kind of ordeal when she knows she could justlet herself take a fresh start? I took a deep

44

breath and looked him right in the eye, Im sorry I ever lied to you. I love you, Ben, I hope you believe me when I say that. He didnt say anything for a little while, and for a moment, I was scared that maybe, hed tell me to get a life. Maybe, hed be so angry and tell me to go leave him and our family. Maybe, he wont be able to forgive me, and that would be the end of me. But what he did then was unexpected: He wrapped me in his arms and kissed me on the foreheadI love you, too. He said and his next few words were what I couldnt answer yet: So, what would you do now?

Sabrina
I was working on that Saturday. I had toI couldnt let Samuel down. I was busy looking through the papers when someone knocked on my door. I went up and opened it and was utterly surprised to see Sasha Huff, Brians

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sister. She looked really regal, had this pearls on her neck and she was wearing this turquoise suit and some Jimmy Choos. Miss Huff, its a surprise seeing you hereUhm, I believe you should be looking for Winston? Im not exactly sure what youre doing here She just took a deep breath and invited herself into my office. She looked around and saw some photos lined up on the wall: photos dating back to my college days, some of my drawingsno recognitions. I didnt want to put on any. Since the break-up, I wanted to make whatever place Im in as my place. Nice room. She spoke without much sincerity. Uhm, thanks, but, Im still confused as to what youre doing here She turned to look at me, What do you want? She asked. Excuse me? What do you need for you to drop the case? Miss Huff, what youre doing is inappropriate. Whats more inappropriate than defending a killer? My client is not a killer. I say sternly, I think, thats the point here. All evidences point to him. Theyre just evidences, there were no witnesses for his defense. Hes in jail because fifteen years back, no one had the guts to stand up for him. You really believe in your client, dont you? I have no reason not to. How could you not have a heart? Im sorry Miss Huff, but you dont know me well enough for you to say that. Then drop the case. She insisted. Im not gonna do that. She sighed, Do you know what it feels like to lose your brother and be the only one your family could rely on? She said, Do you know how its like having a mom but not having her at the same time coz she doesnt talk to anyone? Do you know how its like dealing with her thinking my brothers still coming back? You know how every Christmas she waits for him to come back and she buys him a gift? I couldnt believe it, but there were tears welling up in her eyes, Our life was ruined because of my brothers death. Because of

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Samuel. Maybe, even because of Gillian. You know how it would be ifIf say, you get your point in court and win this? My mom would be devastated beyond repair. Dont make my brother look like the bad guy here. He lost his life. Look, I said, Im really sorry for your loss and for what youre going through. I dont take pleasure in anyones pain. ButI also want you to know that Brians not the only victim here. Samuel has a life, too. A life he hasnt really been living for the past fifteen years. She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes, You dont know what youre getting yourself into. She said, gave me dagger looks and got out of my office. *** A week before Christmas came another hearing. This time, I get to do the questioning. It was difficult having to interrogate Sasha. She may be tough and cocky, but after she went to my office a few Saturdays ago, I felt that she was just a womanhurting, fighting, trying to get on with life, like we all were. Miss Huff, where were you that night of October 15, 1995? She looked at me before answering, I just got home, I came from work. She went on, recalling whatever happened that night, And thenand then some cops cold me. What did the cops tell you? ThatThat my brother is in the hospital She said, Thatthat he was dead. That his friend, Samuel Montag pulled a gun on him. I saw Samuel sigh from his seats. I gave him a knowing look then turned to Sasha again, Why did the cops tell you that Samuel killed Brian? Because they saw him there. He was holding the gun and he was sitting in front of Brian, crying. Why do you think he was crying?

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I dont know, maybe because he was so guilty for killing my brother She said sarcastically. I did not kill your brother! Samuel screamed. Order in the court! Judge Morton said. I took a deep breath, Have you ever thought that maybe he was crying because he was just scared? Because maybe, he really didnt do anything? Objection, your honor, Winston said, Irrelevant. Overruled. The judge said. I glanced at Winston then turned back to Sasha, So, did you see Samuel after what happened? Yes, She said, I went to jail and slapped him on the face. And what did he say? That he didnt kill my brother. Thats what all criminals say, right? What about Gillian Gallagher? Didnt you ever try to find her? What for? Why do you think she ran away? Objection, Winston said, Thats irrelevant. Sustained. Go on, Miss Johnson. Miss Huff, Ill repeat my question, I went on, Why do you think Gillian Gallagher went away? Because shes scared! Because she saw that her boyfriend killed Brian. And how could you say that? Thats what the cops told me. Apart from what the cops told you, do you have any idea whatsoever about what happened that night? It took her a few seconds before answering, No. She said. So, we can say Miss Huff, that everything you know about the case is solely based on what the cops told you? What she would say in the next few seconds will help make or break this case, Yes. She said silently. I nodded my head, Nothing further, your honor. I said, silently smiling inside.

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Gillian
I have no idea if whats happening in our house now is something youd call normal. Since my confession to Ben, hes beenwell, still loving, but less warm. Maybe, hes been thinking about what could happen, maybe hes thinking about what else have I lied to him about. Maybe, hes afraid for the kids, as much as I am. Maybe hes hurt but hes trying to cover it up for my sake, for all our sakes. I dont know.

So, when the phone rang again one evening, I wanted not to answer it anymore, but my daughter, Amelia, went to the phone so easily and said hello. Mom, its for you She said. I smiled nervously I took the receiver from her, Hello? I said. Mrs. McDowell, its Sabrina Johnson here. Hey. I muttered. Uhm, about what we talked about the last time Yes, uhm, I know Have you made your decision? I glanced at my daughters and sighed, Sabrina, I really want to help you but But? I just sighed, Can you give me a few more days? JustJust until after the New YearIll call you. You will? I will. I told her, Can you give me that? Okay. She said, Ill be expecting your call.

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Thanks. I muttered. And Gillian? Yes? Im sorry if Im intruding in your life, She said, We just really need your help. Its okay. I told her, Ill call you. Thanks. She said earnestly.

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Samuel
Christmas came fast. Usually, it was just me and my parents, but this time around, it was different. It was Christmas Eve, and Sabrina came, as well, with Myrille and a guy I saw for the first time that day. Merry Christmas, Sam Sabrina greeted, followed by a hug from my dad and a peck on the cheek from my mom. Hey I said, also nodding at Myrille and then I noticed this guy who Sabrina was with, Whos he? I asked Sabrina, New witness? Oh, no Sabrina laughed, Hes a friend. Sam, this is Seth. Seth, meet Samuel. Hey buddy Seth shook my hand. I greeted him and was confused, So I said, Whats going on? I asked as we all sat down, my parents beside me and Sabrina, Seth and Myrille across us. Well, were celebrating Christmas. Sabrina said. Oh. I muttered, Hey I went on, You were good last trialI mean, I know Sasha, shes kind of mean but it seemed like you knew what you were dealing with Thanks. Sabrina smiled lightly. I took a deep breath, I dont think Gillian would come home, though. Why not? Come on, she ran away years ago. Why would she even want to go back and go through this? Well, Sam, Sabrina said, I know youre skeptical but you gotta trust me about thisIm your lawyer. And besides, shes out best hope. Shell come home. I just shrugged. Samuel, I think shes right, Dad said, Just trust her. And besides, Sam, Sabrina added, Lets skip the judicial brouhaha for nowIts Christmas, we should at least celebrate.

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I expected my mom to say something sarcastic, as she usually does, but instead, she agreed with Sabrina, Oh, well, Mom said, It is Christmas We all looked at each other and laughed and I realized I havent laughed like that in years.

Gillian
It was Christmas. Ben and I were watching our daughters open their giftsits priceless seeing kids happy on Christmas day. This is what I cant

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let go of: My beautiful family. I may want to help Samuel, but Im not so sure how it would affect my family. You want to go back to Orange County, dont you? Ben whispered to me. I looked at him and took a deep breath, I cant leave you guys. I love you far too much to do that. But as much as you love us, somewhere there, you feel like youve gotta do the right thing? Is being with you and the kids not the right thing? He smiled lightly, his arm draped around my shoulder, Gillian, I know you. As much as you love us, I know deep down, you want to go back. Why would I want to do that? Because you left your life out there without closure. Because you ran away. And sometimes, you have to go back and fix things. You thinkI should? Thats up to you. He said, But no matter what, Ill always be here. Well always be here. At that point, I felt the tears rising in my eyes. Coco noticed so she and Amelia turned to us. Mom, why are you crying? Coco asked. I shook my head and knelt down in front of them both. I hugged them simultaneously and stroked their hairs, Mommys just happy to be with you girls. Aw, mom Amelia said, Dont worry, we wont go anywhere. I smiled and cried at the same time.

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Sabrina
Its been a few days after the New Year has started and I admit, Ive been starting to feel queasy because I still havent heard from Gillian. So, when the phone rang that day, I had the best hopes that it was her. And I was right. Hello? Gillian said, Gillian! I exclaimed. Sohave you already made your decision? Yes. She said, almost breathlessly. And?

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Sabrina, to be honest, its actually very hard. I love my familyits hard, but you know what? I guess this has haunted me for far too long already. And She paused and then went on after a few seconds, And I guess, I have to go there. Oh my God, I exclaimed, Really? Thank you, Gillian, you made the right choice. She didnt speak for a few seconds. Sabrina, She said, Do you think Samuel would forgive me for what I did years ago? If you come and see him, I said, And if you come and testify, then, maybe, yes. So, hes still mad at me? She asked. Gillian, you left. He has every right to. I answered, But its been a while. We have the present and the future, you can make it right this time. So, youll be home by? Orange Countys not home. You know what I mean. She sighed, Next week. Thursday next week. Okay. Ill see you. Sabrina, She said again, Its gonna be fine, right? Of course. I said. Thank you Gillian. Okay She muttered, Ill see you. Thanks. And then she ended the call. I was happy and I didnt realize that Wisnton was actually standing by my door. I stood up and raised an eyebrow. What are you doing inside my office? I asked, You cant just invite yourself in, you know? Sorry, He said sarcastically, But just so you know, Sabrina, while youre busy taking care of that case, your moms busy dealing with a divorce. What? Your moms looking for a divorce lawyer. And why would she be doing that? Oh, I dont know, He said sarcastically again, Maybe because she and your dad are getting a divorce.

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Dont mess with me, Winston. Im not, He said, Im just telling you what you should know. He went on, In fact, she just came by asking me to be her lawyer, but since Im handling this case, I cant. So, I just referred her to Allie. And why would they be divorcing without even telling me? Well, maybe because youre too busy dealing with a supposed killers case. Shut up, Wisnton. He laughed and placed a folder on my table, There. Thats her petition for divorce. I looked at him then took the papers and saw my mom and dads nameThe words Infidelity, irreconcilable differences and psychological issues were in bold. I cannot believe my eyes. I was shocked. My mom and dad were getting divorced and no one cared to tell me? Wake up, Sabrina, Wisnton said, Youre losing everything because of Samuel Montag. He then started to make his way out of my office.

*** I went to see Samuel hat afternoon to tell him about Gillians decision; it was good news, but I cannot hide the fact that my heart was still breaking over the fact that my parents are getting divorced. My moms been divorced before, but I never thought that she and my stepdad would be on that road. My hearts breaking because they didnt tell me; But how would they, right? I cant believe you convinced her to come home. Samuel said. Dont tell her that. She said, Orange Countys not home for her. He laughed, She wasnt able to completely run away. Sam, shes coming home to help you. He didnt say anything and I caught him looking me right in the eye. What are you doing? I asked. Are you okay? He asked. Dont I look okay?

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You look broken. He said. I am broken, I thought. It doesnt have anything to do with your case. Oh. He said, So, what happened? I just found out my parents were getting divorced. Im sorry. He said, meaning every word. I nodded my head, You know something else? I said, No one cared to tell me. I just found out from Winston. Do you know why? I took a deep breath, I read the documents he handed me and found out that my mom was saying that my dads been cheating on her. Oh, thatsterrible. He said, then reached out for my hand, Will you be okay? I was surprised but felt grateful, Of course, I said and smiled lightly, Ill get by.

*** But I really didnt know how to get by. I drove around town that afternoon, not really knowing where to go. It was such a surprise for me to see my dad then, walking in an alley going to some apartment units. I hurriedly parked my car and ran towards him. Dad! I called out. He turned and saw me. *** Minutes later, my dad and I were sitting on a bench near the place where I found him. I havent seen you in so long, Sab... He said. I just heard about the divorce. I said. Oh. Oh, what? I have no idea what you want to hear, Sab.

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He was right; I had no idea, either. My stepdad and I were close once. And then I grew up and realized he was not the hero I thought he was, and I wasnt the child he once knew me as. So, is it true? The divorce? I took a deep breath, That youre cheating on mom. He didnt say anything for a little while. I went on, You know, sometimes, I have thought about you doing that. I mean, those expenses He cut me off, I didnt mean to do it. Hes admitting it. I couldnt believe my ears. Oh, God. I muttered. I loved your mom, He said and took a deep breath, I did. Its just thatI think she wants everything and everyone to be perfect. She wants so many things. I have no idea if I could live up to that. I know I wasnt living up to that. I know what he meantit was exactly how I felt. But shes your wife. I said. I know, He answered, And believe me, Sabrina, I tried not to be in this situation but But? But I love Jane. Jane? Whos Jane? Shes the one I love. His mistress. He then went on, There are times in life where in youll feel likeLike, youve found the one. Like, it was all good. And then, you meet someone else and realize, this is what Ive been missing and needing all along. And then you have to choose between what you already have and the thing that you want to have. He sighed, I know it kind of makes me a bad person. That its immoral, thatThat its not the right thing to do. And maybe, its not. But I cant live life the way I used to anymore. And thats?

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Under a strain. He said, Under everyone elses standards. Under what I thought was the proper thing to do. I made your life miserable, Sab. I made your moms life miserable. And youre making her life even more miserable. Thats what it looks like, He said, But Im finally setting her and myself free. Andnow, I could finally spend time with the someone Im supposed to be with. My soulmate. What? Youll know, Sab. When you find yours, youll know. He said, Its just unfair life has to be this way. I sighed, Oh, well Nothings fair, huh? For some reason, that made me laugh a little, Nothing much, really. Im really sorry, Sab. I nodded my head, I think its mom who needs to hear that. I took a deep breath, SoI shall go now, I guess. I stood up and he followed suit. Ill understand if you wont ever talk to me again. He said. I shook my head, You were a good dad. I muttered, Can I get a hug? He smiled and opened his arms, and for a little while, I wished I was a kid again, letting my dad hold me and tell me everythings gonna be okay. *** The next day, I decided to go see my mom. I drove to our old house and knocked on the door a couple of times before she finally came out. What are you doing here? She asked coldly. Mom, I heard about your divorce. She went inside and I followed her. Well, good thing you still care a bit for your family, Sabrina. She said sarcastically. I sighed, Look, mom, I know youre going through a lot I dont need your help. Oh, so, thats why you didnt tell me?

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Would you have wanted to know? Youre my parents, of course I wanted to know. I went on, I saw dad yesterday. He says hes sorry butBut he loves histhis woman named Jane. Oh, bull. My mom said, The hell I care. Mom, can you just stop pretending that you dont care? Sabrina, why did you even bother to go here? Youre taking on your dads side. Im not taking on anyones side, you know that. I was justtrying to be a daughter, your daughter. Her next few words would shatter me: Well, I dont need a daughter. Especially you. You know how it is when you get your heart broken and you feel so sad that you dont want to do anything else but cry, but ironically, your eyes cant do the crying for you? That was what happened at that point. I was crying inside but my eyes were as vacant as the sky above. I realized I dont really have a relationship with my momnever did and maybe, never will have. And as much as that hurts, sometimes, I guess, we just have to accept the truth. Someone can be your mother, but it doesnt necessarily mean that shes also being your mom. Some people wont ever like you for you, and that could shatter you, especially when its your own mother who doesnt. Maybe, some things arent fixable, after all. I get it, I muttered, Sorry I cant be perfect. Just like dad cant be, either. I looked her in the eye and then I left, feeling sorry for myself and for my mom, as well.

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Gillian
I was crying as I was packing my bags for Orange County a night before my flight. I still havent figured out how to tell my daughters. Hun, we can go with you if you want. Ben said as he sat me down on bed. I shook my head, I dont want to put you all in that kind of ordeal. Youre my wife. Its no big deal. Ben, the kids are still very young. Theyve got school andAnd I just want everything to be normal for them. Well, things arent really so normal Dont, I said. Ive worked so hard to spare them from all the pain. Im going back to Orange County but it doesnt mean that Im giving up my kids normal, beautiful life out here.

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He nodded his head and kissed me, Its gonna be fine. He said, Time flies. Itll be over before you know it. I smiled lightly, Ben, I said, I dont want the kids to know the whole reason why, okay? Jill, Just trust me, I said, Please? He nodded his head, Come on, lets eat out with the twins. I smiled, Id like that. I said. *** The following day was full of tears and goodbyes. No, not goodbyes, its nothing permanent. Ill be back. Mom, why do you have to go? Amelia asked. I didnt know what to say so Ben covered for me. Mom just have something really important to do, baby. He told her. In Orange County? Coco asked. I just smiled, the tears welling up in my eyes, Ill bring home some stuff for you, dear For how long will you be away? Amelia said. Uhm, justjust a few I said, I promise, Ill be back soon. But mom Ill miss you both. I said, kissing each of my daughters on the cheek. I then turned to Ben, Ill miss you so much. I said. He kissed me, I love you. He said and held my hand, It will be fine. And I held on to his words.

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Samuel
What do you say to a person who left you in the midst of difficulty? How would you feel seeing that person again? These thoughts have been running in my head as I saw Gillian come inside the visiting area of the jail that day, trialing behind Sabrina. She looked so different from the last time I saw her fifteen years agoshes now sporting blonde hair, the way she dressed was different, as wellshe looks moreI dont know, business-like now...And the way she carries herself is different, too. Sam, She said silently. Youre back. I said. She and Sabrina sat down across me and for a while, no one was speaking. Sam, shell be testifying Sabrina started and I cut her off, turning to Gillian. Why did you leave? I asked sternly, Whyd you run away? How could you just leave me like that? Sam, She said and I saw the tears welling up in her eyes, Im sorry. Sorry? I said, You think that can cure everything? You think that could bring back the past fifteen years?! Sam! Sabrina said but I ignored her. Instead I noticed the ring on Gillians finger. I looked at her and she tried not to look back, fidgeting.

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Youre married? I asked. What was I thinking, right? Of course, she must be. She nodded her head, Hes a nice guy, Sam, She said. Does being in jail make someone a bad guy? Well, maybe, yes, in the eyes of a lot of people. But she knows Im not, after all, she was with me that night, right? I wanted to stay calm, to be composed, but the surge of emotions kept on coming: anger, loneliness, fear, shockEverything that has been kept for so long were resurfacing. Oh, hes a nice guy, huh? I said sarcastically, Well, I am too. But thats not what everyone thinks, right? You know why? Because of you! Because you run away. Because you left. And why did you do that?! Tell me! Jesus Christ, Sam! Sabrina called out. I want her to tell me why she left. I said, I think she owes me that. Sabrina sighed, Gillian, just Gillian started to cry. If this happened years ago, when we were together, I wouldve asked her why. I wouldve done something to calm her down, to get back at whoever made her cry. But no, this was today and I wanna know why she did what she did fifteen years agowhy she left me alone. Sam, She said, I wasI was just youngWe both were She went on, muffling, I didnt want to be bounded by what happened So, you left, thats it? I said angrily, If this happened to you, I wouldnt have run away. Im sorry Damn, Gillian! I said, What do you expect me to say, huh? Thank you for coming home?! Sam, I came home to help you Well, then, you shouldnt have left in the first place! So what? You dont need my help anymore? She said, still crying. Yeah, maybe I dont. Gillian then stood up and started to run out. I saw the frustration on Sabrinas face and although I feel really bad for her, I cant help but show Gillian how bad I was feeling.

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Godammit, Sam! Sabrina said. Ive never seen her flare up like that before, Ill come back tomorrow. Oh, and hope that shell still be with me. She then hastily followed Gillian.

Sabrina

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Sams losing it. Or no, maybe I am. I dont know anymore. I ran towards Gillian and called her out, hoping we havent lost her. Gillian, wait! She stopped just in front of my car and looked at me, You heard him, She said, through her tears, He doesnt need my help. God, I shouldnt have come back. For heavens sake, Gillian, I said, Sam was just surprised. He just he just needed to say what he was feeling. Dont run away again. How can I help him when he doesnt want to? Of course he wants to! I said, You two should stop acting like kids. Gillian, dont leave him again. Not now. Prove him wrong. Well, I hope its the right thing to do.

Seth
There is a certain look worried people give off and that night, that exactly was the vibe Sabrina was giving as she was sitting down on the bench in front of her apartment unit. I walked up to her and sat down beside her.

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You my dear, need to calm down. I told her. She laughed, Im such a mess, arent I? Oh, well, I cant blame you. I said, Youre dealing with so many things right now. Seth, why cant things just be right? She said, I mean, just for once Well, I said pensively, Sab, maybe things arent good right now because theyre still on the way there. After the hurricane comes the rainbow I winked, quoting from a Katy Perry song which I know she likes. She laughed, Thanks, Seth. She said. It will be fine. I tell her, Youll be alright.

Samuel
I was surprised to see Gillian again the following day, closely followed by Sabrina. Sabrina went up to me first and fixed her gaze sternly on me. She wants to talk to you, She said, And Im ordering you to be calm. You dont have to give me any orders. Right, She said sarcastically, especially after what you did yesterday, we could lose our case.

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I just bit my lip as she went over to some officers, leaving me and Gillian alone. So you didnt leave. I said under my breath. I have to do the right thing. She said as she sat down. And wasnt that the right thing to do fifteen years ago? Look, She said, taking a deep breath, I know I was wrong ad believe me, Sam, this has been in my conscience for all these yearsIts justI panicked. I didnt know what to doand I dont think they would ever believe us if I stayed, Brian is an actor, his familys influential So you left. I said, But what difference would it make now, Jill? Were still the same peopleJust older. She took a deep breath, I just think its high time I tell the truth. Sabrinas right, I do owe you your life. Mine, as well. Her words led me back to glancing at her perfect wedding ring again. I gazed at her and spoke, Does he know? I asked. She nodded her head, He actually convinced me to go hereHe really didnt know about everything until last NovemberAnd then he understood. I smirked, Sounds wonderful, huh? He is wonderful. She smiled, probably thinking of her darling husband. How long have you been married? 9 years in May. She said, We have two daughters, twins. Wow. I muttered. She has a full life and I havewell, none, really. You love him? She looked at me and smiled lightly, I do. She said, Hes wonderful. I paused and then, I loved you, you know? She smiled meekly. I loved you too, Sam. She said, the D in loved emphasized. She went on, But I cut her off, But its over. I finished for her, You have him. Sam, I shook my head and suddenly, I felt my heart breaking all over again. Suddenly, the tears started to fall and nothing could make me stop. She has certainly moved on with her life, she has everything, while I have none.

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Sabrina
The next hearing happened during the first week of February. You know how ironic some things and situations are, sometimes? Like, for example, the people you dont wanna see at a certain moment just arrive. When I got out of the car that afternoon with Gillian, Myrille and Sams parents, we were caught off guard by the arrival of Winston, Sasha, and Brians mom, Erica. We stood in front of each other for a few seconds, and surprisingly, Erica gazed at Gillian and much more surprisingly, she spoke. Youre back. She muttered. Mrs. Huff Gillian said, but Erica spoke again before anyone could say anything else. Erica looked at Sams parents and then, If you win this, youll get to be with your son again She went on, If we do, we get nothing. Brians not coming back. Gillian was supposed to say sorry but I held her by the shoulders, Lets go. I whispered, knowing Winston might use anything shed say

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against her, against us, against Sam. Gillian and Erica looked at each other before we went inside. As much as I want to say sorry, to tell them that I understand, it wont make much sense. Im a lawyer, not just a bystander or anything. I know how Brians mom is hurt, but I also know how much Sams parents are still hurting and will forever hurt if we dont make this right.

*** Being in a courtroom always feels surreal. Sure, I may have done this a couple of times already, but theres that certain feel to it that you wont ever get over, or at least, I cant ever get over. Theres something about knowing your clients depend on you, that you can either make or break their lives. I walked to the witness stand and started my testimony. Good afternoon, your honor. I said, addressing Judge Morton, and then looked at the people around, Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. As you may already know, I am representing Mr. Samuel Montag, charged with homicide, for the death of Brian Huff fifteen years ago. In all those fifteen years, no one really stood up for him so everyone thought he was and is the killer. But the thing is, everyone just focused on Samuel and Brian, forgetting the fact that during that night, someone else was also present. Sometimes, truth comes on a first come, first served basiswe believe what we get to know initially, forgetting the things lying behind. So today, I am presenting my star witness, Miss Gillian Gallagher who now goes by the name of Gillian McDowell. Gillian stood up and walked nervously to the witness stand. After the particulars (whats her name, where does she live, what does she do, etc.), I went further with my questioning. Where were you that night of October 15, 1995? First, I was at home, She answered, I was with Sam, we were celebrating the eve of my 19th birthday with my family and then he called Brian called. And what did Brian say? He said that hed kill himself if we dont show up at his house. And when he said that, what did you think?

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I was scared. Gillian said, I didnt want anyone dyingAnd besides, he was still our friend, or so we thought. I was also scared because a part of me felt like I drove him to that point. I mean, we were together for four years, after all and that time, I was with Sam I nodded my head, And then? And then I told Sam that we should go to Brians house and we did. What did you notice when you arrived at Brians house? That he wasHe seemed drunk. What gave you that idea? Well, we were together for quiet some time. I know how he looks like when hes drunkHe uhmHe had those glassy eyes and he was slurring when he spoke. And then what happened? He thought I was getting back together with him, Gillian said, And then we he realized I wasnt, he pointed the gun at Sam She took a deep breath, Sam tried to protect me and then they got into this huge fightSam was trying to take the gun from him and he was holding it, and then soon, the gun pointed at him Did Sam point the gun on Brian on purpose? No, Gillian said abruptly, No, he didnt. It was all an accident. I nodded my head, What happened next? They were fighting over the gun and next thing I know, Brian has accidentally pulled the trigger on himself Thats a lie! Sasha Huff interjected, Youre just protecting Sam! Order in the court! Judge Morton said. Its true. Gillian said, Brian accidentally killed himself. Was there ever any doubt that maybe, Sam did it? No, Gillian shook her head, I saw everything. Every little detail. So, what made you run away? I was scared, Gillian said, I just got scared. My two bestfriends were there andAnd one died accidentallyI didnt really know what to do. I was young, I got scared Oh, bull! Sasha shouted. Order in the court!

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I went on, And then you knew that Samuel was brought in prison? Yes, Gillian said, And I felt really bad butI was scared. Where did you go after you ran? To my friend Myrilles house. She took me in and I told her everything but asked her not to say anything because I didnt want her, me or my family to be in any trouble. And then after a few days, my family and I flew to New York. Has it ever occurred to you why no one asked for you to testify? Yes, She said, Well, for one, they didnt know everything, it was just me, Sam and then Myrille who knew. But secondly, I felt like I could run because Brians family was successful and he was popular, no one would believe me or Sam I nodded my head, Nothing further. I said and Gillian went back to her seat. Myrille was next on the witness stand. I received dagger looks from Sasha and Wisnton. Miss Myrille Thomas, I said, That night, where were you? At home. She said, I was at home. And then Gillian came. How did Gillian looked like when she arrived on your doorstep? She was crying. Crying and shaking and she looked really frightened. She answered, I asked her what happened and the first thing she said was that Brian was dead. And how did you react to that? I was shocked, of course. I asked her to calm down and come inside the house, and when she was inside, she kept crying. I felt scared at that point, too. She took a deep breath, I asked her what happened and she said that it was an accident. That it shouldnt have happened. Thatthat Brian pulled the trigger. Did you initially believe that? Well, its hocked me but I know Jill would never lie to me, especially about things like that. And then what happened? She said that she was scared. That she needed to get away. She said that no one should know, that she wanted to forget, that she had to go away to start fresh. That she was sorry but she couldnt stay here.

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And what did you say to her? I told her that she had to come forward, that its unfair for her to just go awayAnd then she said that no one would believe her, especially because Brians an actor and everyone pities him. I nodded my head, And so you agreed to what she said? Yes, Myrille answered, I cant just come out and ruin Gillians life, she wanted to start fresh. I felt really bad for Sam. I would drive to jail every month for the past fifteen years because my guilt has been eating me up. And then you realized you have to come out? Yes. One final question, I said, Do you believe that Samuel Montag is innocent? Yes, Myrille said, Without any doubt. Nothing further. I said. *** After the hearing, I saw Sams eyes light up, like there was finally a spark of hope, like we were heading to something good. Thank you, He told me, before the cops started holding him to bring him back to his cell. He then looked at Gillian and gave her a little smile, You too. He said and Gillian smiled back. Its gonna be okay. Gillian smiled lightly and at that instant, I finally felt that I was doing the right thing.

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Ben
How can you explain things like death, crimes, and all these stuff to your kids? I have no idea. So, I agreed to what Gillian said: that we should protect the kids from all the complexities of life, of what we or she is going through. So, when I went home that day and found the kids staring fixedly on TV, using TiVo, I felt scared. I know how easy news could fly, but I didnt mean for them to justknow everything. Amelia and Coco looked at me and didnt say anything. I looked at what they were watching and found out it was a TiVod version of the past afternoons trial, with our new maid, Mercedes, by their side, looking scared, as well. Jesus, Mercedes, I told you not to let them watch the news! Im so sorry She cried and then went to the kitchen. Dad, dont be mad at her. Coco said. Trix called up saying she saw mom on TV Amelia told me. I sighed, Guys Why didnt you tell us moms involved in a trial? Amelia asked. I knelt down in front of them, Girls, your mom and I only want whats best for you. We just dont want you to be involved in all these complicated stuff I took a deep breath, I just want you to know that moms not doing a bad thing.

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Shes there because she knows that this guy whos considered a killer didnt do what everyone thinks he did. Coco said. Yes, sweetie, I said, Dont me mad at mommy, okay? Shes Amelia cut me off, Dont explain, daddy, She said. Coco shot in, We may still be young, but weve got yours and moms genes. Were smart enough to understand this. Shes right. Amelia smiled. Although this surprised me, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. You girls are the best. I told them, You wanna talk to mommy? Of course! They said and I took out my phone to dial Gillians number. Sweetheart? I said when she picked up. Hun. She said, Hey Jill, I dont wanna shock you off but I paused and then, The kids know. What? Ben, I told you not to Relax, I said, Theyre not mad. Actually, they understand. They wanna talk to you. I put the phone on loudspeaker. Mommy, we saw you on TV! Amelia said. Mom, dont worry, were here. Coco said. We love you! I heard Gillian muffling, I love you too, babies. Youll win that case! Coco said. Thank you, sweetie. Ill be home soon. Be safe, mom! You too, girls. The kids handed the phone back to me. Im the luckiest woman now, arent I? Gillian said. I laughed, Were the luckiest parents. I love you, Ben. Thank you. She said. I love you more. Ill be home soon. I miss you. I miss you, too. Be safe, okay?

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You too. And the girls. I love you, Jill. I love you, too. Thanks Ben. It will be fine. I said, It will be fine.

Sabrina

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It was the 9th of March when I went to the hotel where Gillian and Myrille were staying and I saw Gillian talking to some little girls on the laptop monitor. Theyre her girls. Myrille told me and I nodded my head as Gillian turned to look my way. Oh, hi, Sab She said and I walked up to her. She gave me a peck on the cheek. I was just talking to my daughters, its their 8 th birthday today Oh, wow, thats wonderful I said and smiled. Its so easy to forget that Gillians still a mother. Sometimes, I feel so selfish for dragging her here, away from her family, but what could I do? I had to help Sam, and she had to do it, as well. Hey babies She said to her girls on the monitor, This is Sabrina, shes Sams lawyer. Hello, girls! I said. Hi Sab! They both said. Im Amelia, And Im Coco. Hello, A, hello, C They laughed. Mom was just greeting us Happy birthday Amelia said. Thats sweet. I said, Your mom loves you. Of course I do. Gillian smiled, Girls, Ill talk to you again later, okay? Sab and I just have to talk. Okay Coco said, Thanks mom. Dont worry, youll win this. We will. I said and smiled.

Theyre beautiful. I told Gillian after the videocall. You have a beautiful family. She smiled and sat down on bed, Theyre my life. She told me, Its the first time Im not actually there for their birthday Dont worry, Jill, I said, Thisll be over soon. Trust Coco, well win this.

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She laughed. If you could turn back time, would you still have done what you did? I asked. She smiled and took a deep breath before answering, Yes and no, She said after a long pause, Well, theres a part of me thats guilty for running away, as Ive told you, and thats exactly the reason why I finally decided to come back. But, at the same time, if I didnt do what I did, I probably wouldnt have met Ben and so the kids wouldnt be around. I dont think I can live like that. Theyre my life. She finished. I looked at her and realized that shes a real person; that although at first, she had this big barrier around her, that although she seemed like she didnt wanna help Sam, that she run awayShe had her reasons, like all of us have. Dont worry, Jill, I told her, Itll be worth it. She smiled meekly, I believe you. She said. Oh, and, Jill, dont let Winston get to you. I said, Hes arrogant but hes just a scared little boy who loves to be mean. I know, She said, That I saw. Thanks, Jill. We wont let Sam down, okay? We wont. *** I was very nervous the night before the final trial, because I know that that day would make or break Sams life. I was sitting on the bench in front of my house when Seth saw me. Someones looking gloomy again He said as he sat down beside me. Im just nervous. I said. Relax, Sab. He said, Dont tell me youre gonna let Winstin win this.

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I looked at him for a while and then spoke, What if he does? I said, Seth, what if Sam would just be in bigger trouble because of me? What if I just set him up for another fall? Sab, relax. Seth said, Come on, you wont lose this. And if you do, you can always appeal. But He then held my hand as he fixed his gaze on me, So many people in your life have already doubted you, Sab. Please dont be one of them. I looked at him, smiled lightly and nodded my head, Thanks, Seth. He smiled and then, And if it helps, Im just here for you, He said as he kissed my forehead, No matter what. Take that as a goodluck charm. I laughed, Youre What? I just shook my head, Thank you. I said. You owe me a date. I nudged him, You brute! He laughed, Ill take that as a yes. Fine. We laughed. Youll win this, Sab, He said, Trust me. I smiled, Thank you. I said, hoping against hope that hes right. ***

There was much tension during the last hearing day. Maybe, because, well, it was the last hearing day and we were all hoping that the cards will work out for each one of us. I saw Winston giving me some dagger looks just before I sat down and before he went to grill Gillian on the witness stand. At that point, I held Sams hand and whispered, Its gonna be okay. He just nodded his head. Miss Gallagher, you once said that you had a feeling that Mr. Huff was mad at you and Mr. Montag, Winston said, Why is that so?

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Well, because we used to be togetherand then I got together with Sam Why? Didnt you love Brian Huff? Of course, I did. Gillian said. So, why did you break up with him? Was it a plan? Objection, your honor. I said. Over-ruled. Miss Gallagher, why did you break up with Mr. Huff? He used to hurt me. Gillian said after a few seconds of silence. There were times that he got to hurt me, not just emotionally, but physically. Hehe had all these vices, all these girls, and believe me, I tried to stay, I tried to be patient, and I did, for four years. But I guessI guess there comes a point where in we have to choose between whats comforting, and what were supposed to do. Winston smirked, So, He went on, Did you and Samuel plan on killing Brian? No! Gillian said, Sam didnt kill Brian, and neither did I. As Ive said before, he accidentally killed himself. Liar! Sasha shouted. Order in the court! So, if you didnt plan on killing Brian, why did you go to his house that night? Because I wanted to help. Because, maybe, there was something that had to be done, there was something we couldve done to stop him from trying to kill himself. We only wanted to help. And when you were there, he and Samuel fought, didnt they? Yes. What did you to? I tried to stop them but they were both holding the gun. And then what happened? Sam tried to pull the gun away, but Brian was holding on to it and he accidentally pointed it to himself. And then? And then he accidentally shot himself.

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How can you be so sure that it was Brian who shot himself? Because as Ive said before, I saw him. It was him who was holding the trigger. That gunwho owns that? Gillian paused and then, It was Brians. You knew that he had a gun? Yes. He liked toHe liked to collect guns, secretly, his family doesnt know. By any chance, do you know if Samuel Montag has a gun? Samuels not a violent person. He doesnt own a gun or anything of that sort. And, we didnt have any gun with us that night. So, youre saying that Brian Huff really has volatile tendencies? Yes. Winston sighed, But if you were so sure that it was Brian who accidentally killed himself, whyd you run away? Because I got scared. Gillian answered, As Ive said before, I knew that if the policemen would come, they wont believe my story. Brian has thisthis goodboy image, hes famous, everyone will believe that some crazy people killed him. And everyone did. I guess, we all get scared sometimes and because of that, society persecutes us. Truth is justJust a one-way thing; truth could be over-rated. People only believe what they wanna believe. And I guess, at some point, you gotta stand up for whats really true. So, Winston said, Youre standing for your story that Brian accidentally killed himself? Its not a story, its the truth. Winston sighed.

Miss Thomas, how much do you know Brian Huff? Winston asked Myrille after his cross-examination with Gillian. Well, I know him because were schoolmates and Gillians my bestfriend. And then of course, he was a budding actor.

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And how much do you know Samuel Montag? Just the same, we were classmates in some subjects back in college, he was a nice guy. Among the two, who do you think or who did you see has volatile tendencies? Myrille took a deep breath, Brian Huff. Oh, you liar! Sasha shouted. Order in the court! Why do you think Brian Huff is the violent one? Becausesometimes I hear him saying all these nasty things to Gillian, and there was a time that he slapped her while we were at the parking lot of a mall Myrille went on, Jill told me it wasnt the only time that he hurt her and I would often tell her to just break up with him, but she never listened until the day that he threatened to kill her months before the incident happened. And how did Brian Huff take their breakup? Not too good. He had some alcohol problems and he never really let go of Gillian. Hed call her, stalk her. He would still be emotionally abusive, even with Samuel. Do you know if Samuel ever wanted to get back at Brian? No, Myrille said, He often just said that no one should do anything with him, hell get tired of being the way he wasBut well, he never did. That night, did anyone ever mention plans of killing Brian Huff? No, Myrille said, My friends arent killers. Theyd never do that. Wisnton sighed. So, when Gillian appeared on your house that night, you believed her? I have no reason not to. And you also believe that it was Brian Huff who accidentally killed himself? Yes. And with a heavy sigh, Winston spoke, Nothing further, your honor.

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Seth
I met up with Sabrina that night at home. I cooked some Lasgana for her.

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So, looks like the trial went well, huh? I said as she gave me a peck on the cheek. She laughed, To be honest, She said, I have no idea what to think anymore. I just want the best for Sam. You know what I think? What? I think you did the best for Sam.

Samuel
The day before the verdict was read, Sabrina visited me in jail. She gave me a tight hug before she sat down across me. I cant believe its almost over. She said.

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Well, now you can be free of me. I said. Sam, I held her hand, Thanks, Sab. I said, I just couldnt thank you enough. Whatever happens, Id still be here. She said and took a deep breath, Are you nervous? She asked. Are you? She laughed, I cant answer that, Im your lawyer. I laughed, Yeah, I said, Actually, I am. Why? I dont know, I said, Sab, do you think they believed us? I asked, And if they did, do you think theres still a world out there for me? Do you think an ex-convict could still live? Do you Sssh. She said, First, She went on, Youre not technically an exconvict, it was all just a case of mistaken identity. Secondly, I think you would win. Andyes, I believe everyone deserves a second chance. Youre a good lawyer, Sab, thank you. No, She said, Thank you, Sam. You saved me. Dont be silly. You did. She smiled, You did. *** After that talk with Sabrina, Gillian arrived. Sabrina kissed me goodbye and Gillian took her seat. Wow, Im getting loads of visitors, huh? I said, Whats this? A goodbye day? Sam, She said. Are you okay? She nodded her head, I just wanted to say sorryFor everything. She said, Sorry I ever ran away. But youd do it again, given the chance, right? She bit her lip, If I did, I would still go back. I smiled, Im not mad anywayNot anymore.

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Im really sorry. No, I said, I have to thank you. You being here means a lot. You standing up to the jury meant a lot. Whatever happens, it doesnt matter, what matters is you finally told them the truth. I took a deep breath, Dont forget to thank your husband for me. She smiled, I will, She said, And Samif you get out, I really would want you guys to meet. I also want you to meet the kids. Id like that. They think youll win, you know? They think well win. Well, I said, I guess, theyre smart kids, then. She laughed, They are, Sam, She said, They are. Thank you for coming. I told her. By tomorrow, thisll be over, She said, ButId still be here. She smiled, Id still be your friend. And finally, after what felt like an eternity, I smiled, without fear, without prejudices, without being nervous about being judged. I smiled, knowing finally, a piece of her still belonged to me, and a piece of me still belonged to her.

Sabrina
There was that certain feeling that came with knowing something bigs gonna happen; with knowing that a certain decision might change your life for the better, or for the worse. I was closing my eyes the whole time, not really knowing how to feel. I was closing my eyes while holding Sams hand, wishing that he gets the justice he deserves. I actually havent been paying much attention to the noise inside the courtroom, to whatever Judge Morton was saying, until I heard this: The court hereby declares Samuel Montag acquitted of homicideHe can now be set free

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I opened my eyes wider, Oh my God, I said as I hugged Sam, Sam, did you hear that?! Youre free! We won! I shook him and saw that he was every bit as surprised as I am. This cant happen! Sasha shouted, This is wrong! Sasha, stop, well appeal Winston said. No! Thank you Sams mom told me. I hugged them, not minding how mad Sasha was then.

Samuel
I couldnt believe that I was finally gonna get out. Thoughts run in my head as we were signing the release papers: What was I gonna do? How much has changed? Is there a life out there still waiting for me? Can I still make it? When youve been at a certain place for so long, you start to wonder if you can still make it outside; if you could start over. Yes, I was happy, but what awaits me outside? More prosecution from those who still believed I killed Brian? Awkwardness and prejudice from everyone? I have no idea. A lot of photographers and reporters were outside the jail, waiting for Sabrina and me. Sabrina made it a point to protect me, to tell the reporters that we were thankful but that an interview would just be scheduled for later.

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My parents and Gillian were all courteous enough to do the same. I was still in shock, but it didnt prevent me from noticing the blazing look in Sashas eyes as she stood a few meters away from us, outside her car, looking directly at Sabrina. Sabrina was preoccupied. I saw Sasha getting something out of her pocket and then suddenly, she shouted, Sabrina! and pointed the gun at her. I pushed Sabrina away and felt the bullets piercing through my body. I fell to the ground, all the sights and sounds feeling like a blur. Arrest her! Someone shouted. I think it was my father. Sam! Gillian shouted as she held me. I was losing everything, losing life, and ironically, I felt that it didnt hurt anymore. Sam, hold on. Gillian said. And there, looking in Gillians eyes and holding her hand, feeling the last of my breath go, I finally felt free.

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After 1 year

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Gillian
There are some things you just dont forget.

The sound of someone losing breath, the feeling of holding someones hand, someone dyings hand, the rush of bringing someone to the hospital, knowing you might lose him. And then knowing that you did lose him. I wont forget hearing the doctors say that Samuel was dead when we arrived at the hospital; I wont forget hearing the sound of him being pumped, but that nothing could be done. Hes gone. Before he could even have a fresh start in his life, hes no longer here. He wont ever come back. Today, I light a candle for his first death anniversary. I take a deep breath as the memories came flooding back. Ben and the kids came to

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Orange County to be with me during Sams wake and the funeral. I wont forget crying in Bens arms when he came and him holding me, just letting me pour everything out. I said sorry to Sams parents, told them that maybe, if I did what I did sooner, maybe Sam would still be here. They said that maybe, he really had to go; that maybe, it was really time. They were just glad that he finally got the proper justice. I slapped Sasha hard on the face when she was brought to prison; After that, I didnt wanna see her anymore. Last month, I gave birth to a handsome baby boy. I named him Ben Samuel, after two of the bravest men I know. Life has gone on, for sure, but you know what? There are some pains in life you wont ever get over; Some pains in life that just stay with you-leaving you scarred, with the memory of it forever. Some pains that teach you to value the things that you havebefore its too late.

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Sabrina
He saved me.

He didnt just save me from death, he saved me from being the person that I didnt wanna be. He gave me another shot, and I thought I gave him another shot, but no, it was cut short. Today, I stand before Sams grave. I go here sometimes, just to send some flowers, just to talk to himI wonder if he hears me; I wanna hope that he does. I remember being at the hospital, Seth coming to me and hugging me tight. I didnt have words to describe how I was feeling back then. My parents came, too, and although things will never be the same between us, I realized that at some point, you stop hoping for things that will never happen and start appreciating the things that you have, no matter how little they may be. I dont have a great relationship with my parents, but at least, I still have them. And more than that, I also now have Sams parents. I thought theyd resent me because honestly, I was the reason why Sam died. It shouldve been me. But they have been so forgiving, and so accepting. They told me that maybe, what happened was for the best. And although the memory of what happened will never be forgotten, at least, we still had each other.

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Maybe, they were right. This world is full of prejudices that even if Sam stayed alive, maybe, he wont be feeling free. Society has crazy standards. Freedom is overrated. I still keep in touch with Gillian; its like we have this certain bond nowBut talking about Sam is still very hard. Even for Sams parents and me. I no longer see Winston; He e-mailed me one time, saying sorry and told me that hell be staying in Hawaii. There were so many bad memories that needs to be forgotten. He also said that he was sorry. Im no longer mad at him; I cant see any reason to be. Sashas in prison, and Im making it a point to never let anything happen that will allow her to get out; Sam deserves justice. I gave up being a lawyer after Sams case; I figured there was nothing to prove anymoreAnd besides, its too painful to go back in court. I now work at a school, teaching kids with Special needs. Seth and I are also together now, and I could say that going through this would have been tougher without him. I owe him a lot. Life did go on, and it still will. But his memory will forever live on.

~~

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