2

,. .
j








3
I

, / ./ /. . . .. /. .. .
. .. ... .. ../, .../ .. ..

Faye Thomas was staring out into the deep blue Ocean. It was a cold
December morning, and the cup of Coffee she was holding didnt help. She was
chilling. Not just because of the breeze, but because of the letters she had just
received in the mail.

Its been a three years since she left Savannah, Georgia. Three years
since she came with here with her biological father. Three years since she left
everything behind. Three years since she started over.

But it doesnt feel like she did. Instead, she felt like once again, she run
away.

She looked at the letters again. She has read them, but her mind wasnt
registering stuff. Funny thing is, she doesnt know what shes afraid of. She
opened the first letter. It was from Amanda, her college friend. She hasnt seen
Amanda in years, and they barely talk. She doesnt know what to say to her. For
one, she knows her. Amandas likea mind reader. Shes afraid she might say
what she doesnt wanna hear. And she doesnt know what to say to Amanda
either.
She opened her letter and decided to read it again.




Dear Faye,
4
I know you probably want nothing to hear from me. And thats alright. I understand. I
know youre busy, and that youre probably off to a book tour or something, and I am really, really
happy for you. You have your dream now, and more. But I miss you.
I miss our talks, the laughter, everything. So I have something to say.
Please come home.
No, come to my place. My parents old place. Just for a week, for Christmas. Remember our
plans back in college? That wed hold a reunion five years after graduation? You mustve forgotten,
but I still have it in mind. And I wont forget.
Please, do this. We dont have much time left. Sooner or later, weve all have moved on with
our lives, weve all have left.
And I wanna do this. One last time.
Please?
Amanda

Faye took a deep breath as she finished reading the letter. Its as if
Amanda was begging for her to come back. Its not that she doesnt want toIts
justOh well

She drank some coffee and got hold of the other letter. This one made her
shiver even more. Its from Daniel. HerWell, she doesnt know how to call him.
Friend? Almost boyfriend? Soulmate? She doesnt really know. They met online,
and at first, it was just nothingand then it led to something deeper.

What she knows is this: When she left three years ago, she loved him.
And he also loved her. They made no promises, except that theyd keep in touch.
He was still finishing his degree, and she had to start anew. She had long been
5
done with doingnothing. With keeping her life on hold. She had to move, start
fresh.
But he was there. He was there for her when she felt alone. He believed in
her when she couldnt even believe in herself anymore. He had faith in her. And
she loved him for it. He saw her the way she wanted to be seen.

But that was then. Things have changed in some ways. They dont talk as
much anymore. She had always known that long distance relationships are hard
to keep track of. Thats why theyre not in a relationship. But still, it stings.

She opened the letter and read.

Faye,
Hey. I really dont know how to start this letter. I meanIts been a while since I
last wrote you. I really dont know what to say.
I miss you? Is that a good start? Ive never been a great letter writer like you
As you know, I have finished my degree this year, now Im reviewing for the
Board examsSo Im crossing my fingers for that.
Faye. I have so many things to saybut I dont know how. Im not asking you to
come home. That would be unfairbut
Im happy for you.
Christmas is just aroundI just
I hope to see you.
Oh, just forget it. I dont know.
Please take care.
Daniel

She closed her eyes and sighed. She always felt like her heart was gonna
break when it came between the two of them. She always felt like she was being
torn apart. She always felt like their loveIf it was even love, was strongbut
6
also weak. Like it can do anything, but it cant do anything. She just doesnt know
anymore.

He was holding back, she thought. He was holding back. The frequency of
being online, the lack of lettersIt was justpainful.

Faye? Fayes father, Anton Martin said as he saw her standing by the
large French window.
Pop, She said.
Three years ago, Faye wouldnt even think that this moment would
happen. For one, his father didnt have any contact with her since he left her
when she was three. And then he came back.
Faye thought hard about it. She was living with her mom, her stepdad, her
stepsisters, and it was fine. Yes, there were the arguments, and there were
really, really tough times, but was it enough to make her go away?

The answer, she figured out, was yes. She had to leave, she had to go on
with her life, make things work. She had to come to California with her biological
father. She had to try.

Hey, Her father said, giving her a peck on the cheek, So, you got the
letters
Yes.
Are you okay?
Faye sighed, Yeah, Yeah, of course.
So, how is it? What did they say? Not that Im prodding
Amanda wants me to come home, She said, Christmas reunionYou
know
Oh. And?
AndI dont know
You wanna come?
7
She didnt answer. It was silent for a while and then her father spoke
again.
Faye, have you talked to Brad?

That was it. The dreaded name. Faye almost spilt her coffee.
Faye, Her dad came to her rescue. He held her but she pulled away.
I dont wanna talk about it, Faye said, putting down the mug of Coffee on
the center table, almost knocking down the vase filled with Lavender Springs.
She cant talk about it. She cant talk about Brad, her fianc whom she just broke
up with a couple of days back. It still hurts.
Okay, so she loves Daniel. So, she has Daniel in the Philippines. But
really, what does she have? Things have been strained between them. And she
met Brad. Brad, the Entrepreneur. Brad who could give her the world. Brad who
after five months of dating her, asked her to get married on bended knee,
complete with the fireworks, the violinseverything. And so she said yes.

Its not that she didnt love Brad. She did. She has grown to love him. He
was sweet and wonderful, he was smart, charming, funny if he wanted to be, and
her parents loved him. She had Skype sessions with her family back in the
Philippines with Brad by her side and they loved him. Her father, her biological
father loves him.

So what happened?

One night, after a Wedding prep meeting, they went to a seaside shack
which he loved and they started talking. He asked her if he wanted a job at one
of his many offices. She asked him why, because she was happy being who she
was. She was happy with writing, it wasnt like she needed anything else.
She remembered how the conversation went after.
I was just thinking that maybe, you know, maybe youd want to do
something else, Brad said, You know, I know youre a great writer, and I am
8
happy for you, and all that, but I just dont think youre complete withouta proper
job
Excuse me? Faye said, A proper job?
I just
You think what Im doings not proper?
I didnt say that.
Well you just did.
Faye,
Youre ashamed of me, arent you? Faye said, Come on, admit it. You
never told your friends, your colleagues, those highly professional people you like
spending your days with. You always say, Oh, Fayes a writer, but shes still
figuring her place out, Oh, Fayes this, Fayes that
Im sorry, Faye, He said, Its justyou need some sense of normalcy.
Normalcy? She faked a laugh, Well, guess what, Bradley, youll never
get that. She said, removing her engagement ring. The seemingly perfect ring
with three little Princess-cut Diamonds on top. There, thats your ring. Its over.
What? Brad said, Faye, please, calm down.
No, Im no longer calming down. Ive done that the past couple of months
and you know what? It didnt work. It wont work. And Im done. Im done trying to
live up to you when I know I cant. Im done trying to be perfect, trying to make
myself feel that I deserve you, that I deserve this. I dont. Im not gonna be like
you. I cant be like you. And Im sorry, Brad. I justI cantanymore. She was
crying now, heavily, like she was punched in the gut. She couldnt breathe. She
was just feeling bad. Like she wanted to just hide somewhere, anywhere.
Faye, please, lets talk about this. He said, trying to hold her down.
No, She pulled away, Im sorry. Its over. You dont love me.
Faye,
Just let me go.
And then she ran away.


9
Faye was brought back to reality.
Faye? Her father said.
I should go, Faye said, Im buying ticketsIm going home to Georgia
for Christmas.



























10

II
' ., ,.. m . . . ,.. . .. ../ ... /. ..
. .,., . . .. ../ . ../ .. .. .. ., , .. ../ .
.. ../., -, ,

So? What do you think? Dexter asked Cissy while they were having
some drinks one afternoon at the Greek restaurant which Dexter co-owns.
What do I think, what?
About going to Amandas for the holidays. Dexter said, Did you even
read her letter?
I dont really know why I have to read it
Cissy,
Fine, She sighed, getting the letter from Dexter. Actually, she has
already read it hours back. She has already read it even before Dexter did. But
here she is now, faking the feelings as she read it once more.

Dex and Cissy,

Hi..I know its been a while. Hows New York? I heard the restaurants doing good..And Cissy,
wow, I saw your commercial, you were a beauty, as you always are. I was just thinking that maybe
youd want to come home for the holidays? Its been ten years and remember we always had plans of
a HS reunion? I think this is a time.
Id really be glad if youd come. Ive enclosed tickets. Please, Id love to see you guys for
Christmas.
11
Love,
Amanda

Cissy lit a cigarette as she finished reading the letter, giving it back to
Dexter. I think shes being insane, She said.
Cissy, Dexter said.
You know that I wouldnt wanna see mymy stupid twin, Sean.
And what does Sean have to do with this?
Dont play stupid, She thought, Of course you know why. You know that
Sean stole my first love away, you know how he humiliated me, said I was being
naive, said that I was being stupid because I didnt know that my boyfriend was
gay, that I didnt know what he really was. That I am always blindsided. So why
would I wanna go to a stupid reunion and see the person who hurt me the most?
Cissy,
She sighed again, Its just a stupid reunion.
You just said something about not wanting to see Sean.
Of course I wouldnt wanna see Sean. We were never close.
Yes you were.
Not since hehe betrayed me. And not since I started living with you.
But its Christmas.
Fine, She said, sternly, You wanna go? Well go. Happy?
Cissy, thats not what I
Just shut up, Cissy said, Were going, okay now? She then stood up,
Now excuse me, I think I have to go to the powder room.






12

III
./ /. ,. , ,. , ../ . . .., .. ..
-., .

Sean was painting in his studio while his bestfriend, Camila, was drinking
some juice. He allowed her to read Amandas letter that came in that morning.
Camila saw the letter and as usual, she wanted to get her hands on it. She and
Sean have been bestfriends since College.
So, this Amanda, Camila said, in her thick Mexican accent, she also
knows your twin? Cissy?
Yep, Sean said, brushing a stroke on his canvas.
So Cissys also going to the reunion
Except that I dont think she would, Sean said, She hates me,
remember?
Coz you stole her first love away, Camila said, Yes, yes, I remember.
Sean laughed, I just saved her from the humiliation, He said, The guy
was a douche, anyway. He was a closet freak. And She didnt even see it, He
sighed, shaking his head, God, he was even vainer than me!
But still he was your sisters boyfriend
He was a flirt, He said, And besides we were what? 14? I didnt think
shed hold it against me forever.
Well, first loves are hard to get over.
Shes practically living with someone now.
Well Camila put down her glass of juice on the cramped center table,
Maybe, she has unresolved issues.
13
Oh well, Sean said, Whatever, Im coming to the reunion. She and I
have got to see each other at some point. This has gone on for too long. He
went on, Hey, maybe you could come with me. I can set you up with
Nah, nah, last guy you set me up with turned out to be a narcissistic
manwhore.
Sorry bout that, He laughed.
She laughed back.
But you know, just in case, let me know.
Camila smiled, Nah, She said, This time, I think you can do it alone.






















14
IV
). .. . . .. . . . .. .., /. ... ,. ..
. ..,

Jake was buttoning his crisp white polo top as he got out of Jasmin Filchs
room. He was in her house, again. And he has a girlfriend. And no, its not
Jasmin.
It wasnt that he didnt love Emma, he did. Thats why it was so hard when
he found out that she cheated on himwith their friend, Fred. He couldnt take
itand yet he couldnt leave her. They tried to work things out, they really did.
And then he met Jasmin.

One night, after another fight with Emma (because he caught her calling
Fred), he went to a hole in the wall bar somewhere near Reynolds Square, and
there, he met Jasmin.
She was reading a Jane Austen novel, and she caught him as he almost
fell and threw up on her, because he was so drunk. And then he remembered her
laughing. He asked her why and she couldnt answer, all she did was point him to
the mirror, and there it was, a snot hanging on his nose.
Shit, He said as he wiped it off.
Well, at least its not real shit, She smiled.
He smiled back, Sorry about beingI dont knowI justwas having a
bad day.
I see, She said, Maybe you need some coffee. I know a good place.

***

15
And she did bring him there. It was another hole in the wall place, an old
coffee shop that smelled of authentic, brewed coffee. One step, and he already
loved it. They talked about him, her, their lives, their lovelivesHe told her about
Emma, she told him about her that she has never had a boyfriend. Why? He
asked, Must be being a bookworm, She said. He laughed. They talked some
more, and at the end of that night, they promised to see each other again.

And they did, two weeks later. They met up at the same bar, and they
went home to her house later. And then they went to bed together. When they
woke up the following day, he told her he cant see her anymorebut he wasnt
able to keep that promise. Next thing he knew, they were going out again. He
wanted to tell Emma, but he couldnt. He still loved herbut Jasminhe also
loved Jasmin. Or so he thinks.

Goodmorning, Jasmin greeted him, I made some waffles, maybe youd
wanna have breakfast first
No, I have to go home, Emma and I are meeting with some of her cousins
today
Oh, of course, She muttered, Emma. She then took a deep breath and
went on, Oh, by the way, I read that letter that was falling out of your suitcase
last night, I brought it back in and
You read Amandas letter?
Yes, she wants you to come to her place for Christmas
I know, but Jasmin why did you read my letter?
I just thought
You have no right to read that. Thats personal.
Oh, please, Jake, its not like I did something wrong.
You cant just go through my stuff and read my letters. Thats not what
you should do!
16
But you can come over my house anytime? She said, You can come
here and do anything you want? You can call me when youre lonely and drop
me when youre having good times with Emma
Its not like that, He said, Im sorry, I was justtired.
She sighed, Maybe you should just go. Im meeting someone anyway.
Sorry,
She just shook her head and watched him walked away.


***

Jake decided to make one final stop before meeting up with Emma. He
stopped his car in front of a Coffee shop near the Sorrel Weed house and sat
down in a table outside, the sun shining brightly in his eyes. He opened
Amandas letter and read it again.

Dear Jake,
How are things at your end? Its been a while, and I just thought of saying hello to an old
friend. Hows Emma? Hows life? And most importantly, hows your heart?
Jake, youre one of the only people I know who believes in love. And I want you to stay that
way, but with the right person, at the right time.
Anyhowthis is getting personal. All I wanna say isPlease drop by the house for the
holidays. Just a week, well see our old friends, talk about College, what happened after, you know the
deal..Id really love for you to be here.
So there, hope to see you, Jake.
Amanda

17

Jake took a deep breath, went back to his car, and drove away.



























18
V

.,. .. . . ... . .. .. . , ,., .
./ . .. ... . .,. ,. .../ . . ,.
,
Kaye, sweetie, please just sit down, I have to fix your hair Amelia said
as she tried to put her daughter, Kaye, back on her seat. Sweetheart, dont
move around too much, okay? And if anything goes wrong at the party
Nothing will go wrong, Amy. Her sister, Althea said, Come on, dont
worry too much, Ill handle her.
Amelia took a deep breath, I could come if
You need some rest, Althea said, You havent had enough sleep for
days.
And it was true. Amelia barely got any rest the past couple of days. Her
divorce just got finalized, Kaye had terrible Asthma attacks, she lost her
jobEverything was just falling apart, and she was trying to hold on, even if it
was so hard.
Im just worried, Amelia said.
You always are, Althea said, And now this worries me because
everytime youre falling apart, you think Marvins the only cure. Youre divorced
now, officially, so dont bother trying to win him back. He doesnt deserve it.
I know, Amelia muttered, Its justI know everything has been hard for
him, too.
Yeah? He left you weeks after your daughter died
Thea,
He left you even if he knew Kaye was also sick
19
Thea, enough.
Sorry, Althea said, reaching for Amelias hand, I just want you to be
happy, okay? You deserve to be.
Amelia took a deep breath, So, uhm, you and Kaye should go
Yeah, dont you worry much, okay?
Call me if anything.
Yeah, you too.
Thanks Thea.
Dont mention it, She said, Anyway, youve got mail, I placed it on the
fridge..
Yeah, thanks.
Okay, see you.
Amelia knelt down and kissed Kaye on the forehead, See you later,
sweetheart.
Okay, Kaye hugged her and after a couple of second, she and Althea
went away.

Amelia took a deep breath and walked towards the kitchen. It is during
times like these that she feels more alone. Six months ago, her other daughter,
Kayes twin, Kayla died.

Kayla was born with a very weak immune system, and a terrible case of
Asthma. She would get attacks every so often, and it took all their effort to give
her the medication she needed, whatever would keep her safe.
But in the end, her condition caught up with her, and after a long day of
hiking, she died.
Amelia could still remember how she felt when she received the phone
call from the hospitalHow she held on to her then husband, Marvin, how she
was crying and cryinghow things were pitch black. She remembered the first
time she saw Kayla in her coffin, looking like the angel she was. She
20
remembered wishing that it wasnt real, that it was all just a dream. Except that it
wasnt.

After Kaylas death, things have been harder. When she was at home, she
couldnt concentrate because Kayla would always come to mind. When she was
at work (Shes a Pre-school teacher), all she wants to do is come home and curl
up in bed. And then there were the fights with Marvin.

It was like all he wanted to do was forget about what happened, and move
on. Like Kayla didnt exist. And after a couple of weeks, he left. He left her, and
their other daughter, Kaye. He left them. Just.Like.That.

She tried to move onbut it was obvious that she was failing. She tried to
win Marvin back. She thought that maybe, maybe he was just being confused.
That if she tried harder, if she said something that could bring him back, he
would. But she was wrong. Because he didnt come back. He wouldnt come
back. And a couple of days ago, the divorce was finalized.

It took its toll on her. Her performance at worked barely improved. In fact,
it just worsened. And so the school had to let her go.
And now she feels like shes left with nothing.

She went to the kitchen, poured herself a glass of wine, and then noticed
the letter taped to her fridge. She pulled it off, and saw that it was from Amanda,
her high school friend who lived just a couple of streets away. Its weird why she
didnt bother keeping in touchBut thats life, she thought. We all change, move
on, learn to be by ourselvesor not.

She took a deep breath, sat down, and opened the letter.

Dearest Amelia,
21
I have no idea how to start this letter. Mainly because I know how tough life has been the past
couple of months.
When I saw you at Kaylas funeral, and hugged you, I felt my heart breaking. I may not know
how hard it is to lose a child, as Ive never been married, but I saw how fragile and how hurt you were
at that moment. I knew how you mightve felt that the world has dawned on you. And for that, I am
sorry.
You may not want to celebrate stuff anymore, butChristmas is coming, and Id really love
for you to come by.
Thats all. Know that Im just here.
Amanda

Amelia took a deep breath, drank some wine, and cried.















22
VI

. . .. ., . ./. ., . ,. . . . ,.. . .. .
. . ./. . ,. .. /. , ,

Daniel,
I know this probably comes as a surprise, and I wont blame you if you felt that way. Were
not close, but I have heard so much about you.
And because of that, I know you are someone I would want to be a part of my Christmas
celebration this year. Please, please do come with Tanya to my house on the 20
th
. Just five days. Id really
appreciate it.
Thisll be a good Christmas gift. For everyone.
Amanda

Daniel took a deep breath after he read Amandas letter. True, it did come
as a surprise that she even wrote him. After all, they werent closeAndit was
complicated.

Amanda probably knows about Daniel and Fayes history. And now Daniel
is with Tanya, Fayes bestfriend.
Her almost girlfriends bestfriend.
Damn, he hated that thought. But it was the truth.
Its not that he doesnt love Faye anymore. He does, he knows he does.
Its just that things have been strainedMainly because they were both passive-
23
aggressive. They both didnt know how to handle their emotions well, how to say
what they needed to say when they had to say it. How to justshow each other
how they really feel.
And then she left, and he was crushed.
He didnt let her know that he was crushed. That he was devastated. That
he longed for her, every minute, of every day. He couldnt tell her, because it
would break him even more.

She was always strong, always resilient, and though she says that he gets
her, that they connect, and he knows they do, but for some reason, he feels like
therell always be that part of her that she closes of to everyone elseeven him.
She always has this wall she puts between herself and others. And its just so
hard to tear down.

And the thing is, he has that wall, too.

So, three years ago, when Faye left, he and Tanya bonded over her being
gone. It was also hard for Tanya, since Faye is her bestfriend. And it wasnt like
they fell for each other just like that. It took time. The more time they spent with
each other, the more they fell inclined. And before they knew it, they were a
couple.

The thing is, his guilt is tearing him up. Them up. And he doesnt know
what to do.

Just then, Tanya came out of a cab, looking frazzled. She took off her
sunglasses and came up to him, and gave him a peck on the cheek. He was
waiting outside a restaurant in Charleston, South Carolina, the cold December
weather brushing on his face.
Hey, She said, noticing the letter she was holding, Is thatfrom
Amanda?
24
Yeah, He said.
She took a deep breath as she sat down across him, Thats weird.
Yeah. Daniel said, She wrote you, too?
She nodded her head, She wants us to come over for Christmas. She
said, Its just weird that she wants you, too.
Wellmaybe we should come. He muttered.
Faye might be there, Tanya said, I meanit would be impossible if she
invited us and didnt invite her.
Maybe its high time for us to see her,
Do you wanna see her?
Tanya, Daniel sighed, Shes your friend.
I know, She muttered, Thats why this is hard.
Maybe we have to tell her the truth, she deserves to know
Or maybe youd only want to see her because you miss her and you dont
want me anymore
Will you cut it off? Daniel snapped, Im with you.
But really, are you?
He sighed, Ill just get us some food. He then went inside the restaurant.
Tanya took a deep breath as Daniel went in. Their relationship has never
been simple. It has always been filled with guilt, and doubt, of the fact that she
knows that Daniels still, and probably always will be in love with Faye, of the fact
that shell never be what Faye is to him. And it kills her.
Because not only does he love him, but she also loves Faye. Shes her
bestfriend. And what has she done?
She couldnt help but feel bad as the tears that never came out before
started to make their way out of her eyes.





25
VII
/., . . .. . ../-./ . /. . . . . ,. ..
../., . /..., ,. . ., .. . .. -.. .. .
..


When Faye came back to her fathers house that afternoon, tickets to
Georgia in hand, she was surprised to find Brad waiting for her at the living room,
sitting down on the Rose brocade couch.
Faye looked at her father who took a deep breath in return, I think I
should leave you two alone.
Faye took a deep breath as her father left. She sat down across Brad.
What are you doing here? She asked.
I just wanted to see you. We have to talk.
She sighed.
Faye, come on, dont do this.
Do what?
This. Ending us, I mean, come on.
Weve been over for days, Brad. Weeks, even.
I just wanted to give you your space.
Its over, Brad, dont you understand?
Just because I made a mistake? Just because I want you to be
Be someone else.
Faye,
Face it, She said, You and I? It was never gonna work. And not just
because of that night. Brad She trailed off and, Look. I love you. I do, I did,
26
its justnot in the way that would make me stay. I guesswe justrushed it all.
Thought that we were meant to be
We are.
Thats just what we think. She said, now with tears in her eyes, We
wanted it to be perfect. And you are, Brad, you are. The thing is, Im not. Ill never
be. Ill never be the girl whos corporate, and perfect, and formal. Ill never be the
girl wholl be like normal people. Who wont be eccentric, and odd, and crazy,
even. Because thats me. And sometimes I hate myself for it, but the more I hate
myself, the more things get worseand it just cant be that way anymore. Ill just
ruin you. Ill just make things worse, and youll hate me for it. You already do.
Brad couldnt say anything.
Please, Brad, dont make this any harder for me. And for you. You dont
love me as much as you think you do, She said, Because if you didIf you did,
this wouldnt happen. If you did, youd see me as me, and not as the person you
wanna see.
Im so sorry, Brad said, his voice breaking.
She shook her head, Im sorry too, She said, I justI just wanted my
fairytale. You know? She smiled, but there were tears in her eyes, The
wedding, everythingit was all so perfect butbut I dont deserve it, She said,
Someone else deserves her fairytale with you. And its not me.
He took a deep breath and nodded his head, Soyoure planning to go
home to Georgia?
Just for Christmas.
And youll be seeing Daniel
This has nothing to do with him,
If you say so
Brad,
Since were breaking up, I guess I have to be honest, He said, I saw
some of your journal posts
You read my journal?
I couldnt help it, Im sorry.
27
She sighed.
Anyway, He said, Your poems, your thoughtsI knew they werent for
me. And not just the ones your wrote years ago, but also the ones you did
recently. You are longing for someone else. And I thought, I thought if I loved you
the way I knew how, then Id have you forever. I thought I could fix youbut I
cant.
I wasnt asking you to.
I know now. He said, and took a deep breath, I guess itll be good for
you to come home. He then stood up, I shouldgo.
She nodded her head, and he reached out for her, hugging her one last
time.
I wish you the best, She said.
You too, He said, Andjust in caseId still be here.
She just smiled lightly.
He took a deep breath and went out of the house. Faye sat down, and felt
the tears rushing out of her eyes. Her father came in after a few minutes, and he
held Faye. Faye hold on to him, held on to her father, wishing that this will cure
all the pain and drive them away.
Youll be alright, Her father said, Im sorry.
She couldnt say anything. She just allowed herself to be wrapped up in
that moment. Everything in her life always took a complicated turn. And now she
doesnt know if it was right. If she ever was right. And all she can do is hope.

***

So, what do you think? Emma asked Jake as they were eating at a
restaurant later that day.
What do I thinkwhat?
Emma sighed, Have you actually been listening? She was wearing a
long, prairie cut dress, her natural Brown curls fluttering.
Sorry,
28
She sighed once more, I said, what do you think of us going to Boston
next week. On the 20
th
. Its my cousins wedding, you know, Natasha.
Oh. That.
Jake, are you okay?
Yeah, I was just He trailed off and, I dont think I could go
Why not?
He took a deep breath, Amandashe uhm, invited me for you know, a
little Christmas vacationwith some other friends
Oh, and this Amanda is more important than my family affair?
Emma, I havent seen Amanda in a while and
Oh maybe I should just ask Fred to come with me, Im sure hed want to.
THAT IS IT. Jake flared up. The people in the restaurant looked at him.
YOU WANNA GO TO FRED? FINE! You think this is easy? You think I like how
Im feeling?
Jake, enough! Youre making a scene.
I dont care, He said through gritted teeth, I tried to make this work with
you, you know? But youre not meeting me halfway.
Oh, fuck you, Jake! Emma screamed, You think I dont know about you
and thisthis Jasmin girl youre hooking up with?! You think Im that stupid?!
Fine, I did it first, but we were trying to make things work, werent we? But what
did you do? What are you doing?
Em, thatsits not
Its not what I think it is? Then what do you want me to think?
Youre not in love with me anymore. Jake said, resigned.
Emma took a deep breath, And youre not, either.
They looked at each other for a while without speaking and then,
Maybe I should go, Emma said, Illjustget some of my other things
from your house sometime.
Em,
Dont, Jakejust She sighed, I should go. And then she left.

29
VIII
. .//., ..// .. . ../ .., . .., ..,. ......
.. )..

Jake drove and drove that afternoon, until he realized he should be going
home. But he didnt want to. Doesnt want to. And then he found himself outside
Jasmins house. She may still be mad at him, but he had nowhere else to go.
He let himself in and found Jasmin making coffee inside.
Hey, He muttered, and then noticed that there was a box labeled Jake
sitting on the couch. Are those
Your stuff, Jasmin said.
Jas,
She took a deep breath as she came up to him, I cant do this anymore,
Jake.
If this is about this morning, then Im sorry. Please, Im just having a
tough timeAndAnd Emma and I broke up.
So youre here. Because Emma and you broke up.
NO, I
Youre just scared of being alone, Jake, thats it. She said, And I cant
be your third wheel anymore. I just cant sit around, and wait for you, while youre
out there, chasing someone else. I just cant sit around, be here for you, accept
you when you want me, and understand you when you dont. I just cant be that
girl anymore,
I love you, He muttered.
No, She said, You dont.
I dont love Emma anymore,
Yeah, but that doesnt mean youre in love with me.
Jas,
30
We were just sad, She said, Both of us. AndAnd Im planning to leave
soon.
Leave?
Malaysia, She said, My friend, Bren, the one I met up withHe and I
have been talking about it for a while. We have old friends there andAnd it
might be good.
Are you sure?
Ive been waiting around for too long, Jake, She said, I justThis just
cant hold me back anymore. I love you, but you dont love me, and I have to let
you go.
Im sorry,
Dont, She said, Justgo.
He took a deep breath and went over to pick up his box of clothes and
things. He was halfway out the door when he turned to look at her again.
Will I get to see you again?
Itd be best not to.
He took a deep breath, nodded his head and went away.
Jasmin sat down, covered her face with her hands, while Jake was trying
to prevent himself from crying as he drove away.

***

She really looks like you, Althea told Amelia later that evening as they
were watching Kaye sleep.
And Kayla
Althea took a deep breath and held her sisters hand, I know you miss
her, She said, I do, too.
I wish Marvin was
Amy,
Sorry,
31
He doesnt deserve you, Althea said. And I know you love him, and he
loved you, too, I know that, but its over between you two. And you have clung on
for too long.
Its just been 6 months
Six months you could never get back. Althea said, Anyway, have you
read the letter Amanda sent you?
Yeah,
And what do you think?
Whatdo I think? Amelia asked, What do you know?
Oh, uhm, nothing, she justwrote me, too.
To ask you to come to that Christmas thing?
Not really Althea trailed off, More like, to ask me to ask you, She
said, And I think its not such a bad idea, I mean, come on. You havent done
anything for yourself in so long. I think its high time you think of yourself again.
But its Christmas, Im supposed to be with Kaye
You can come home on the 25
th
, She said, Or bring her with you.
Amanda wants you to bring her. She smiled.
Ill have to think about it first, Amelia said as she made her way to the
kitchen.
Amy,
She took a deep breath, You have no idea how much Ive already lost,
Althea. You think you do, She said, her voice breaking, but you dont. And
sometimes, all I can think of is how to keep it all safe.

***
Cissy was sitting on her bed, looking at the scraps of her life that were
contained in that box she opened just a couple of minutes ago. The box that
contained some of those stuff from High Schoolold letters, photos, receipts,
test papersThe things that she didnt wanna look back on.
But she cant avoid it forever. Especially after Amandas letter.
32
She picked up an old photo of her and Sean, the only one she kept. She
looked at it, and found herself smiling and crying at the same time. Of course she
misses Sean. They were twins, after all. But it was just so hard.
He stole her first boyfriend. And more than the humiliation of knowing your
boyfriend was gay, it was the pain of knowing your own brother, your own blood,
took him away from you that hurt a thousand times more.
And yetand yet her own mother sided on Sean. Just like she always did.
Thats why all she waited for back then was to graduate from High School, so
she could leave.
And she did. She and Dexter went off to UCLA, and rented an apartment
near the school. Since then, she barely came home to Savannah, Georgia. She
has barely seen her family. And though it tears her, she just cant.
Because, really, what is a family?
Is it the people you grow up with? The people who brought you into this
world? Is it about your bloodline? Because if she was being honest with herself,
she has never felt at home with them. She always felt different. Alone.

Cissy? Dexter said as he came inside their room. He sat down beside
Cissy on bed. Hey, He said, You okay?
I know you wanna come to the reunion, She said, tears building up in her
eyes, Andand I know you wont believe me, but a part of me also wants to. Its
justI dont know what Id feelor how Id be if I see Sean, or if he brings
Ferdinand to that
Im sure he wont be bringing Ferdinand. I dont think theyve spoken in a
while.
Why? Have you been talking to Sean?
Dexter took a deep breath. Yes, we do talk sometimes but
And youre not telling me this?
Because I knew how youd react, He said.
Thats the point, Cissy said, Maybe you shouldnt have been doing it in
the first place.
33
Its not like Im flirting with Sean, you know that.
Im talking about trust, Dex. Cissy said.
Dex just took a deep breath. Look, Im sorry, okay?
You think everythings easy for me, Cissy said, But just because I act
like I dont care all the time doesnt mean I really dont. I was raised this way,
Dex. Seanhes different. And thats why everyone loves him. Because hes
friendly, and funny, and charming
You are too.
You know Im not, She said, Im just a bitch.
Maybe its high time you face Sean, Dexter said, Its high time you face
your past.
She took a deep breath, I told you we were coming, didnt I? She then
stood up and walked out of the room.


















34
IX
... . .., ..., .. ., /. . . /. . . /..
.. . . . . ... .. ., . .. ...
.... . .., ..,. .. . . . ..,. ./
../ ..,. . ,. .. -, ,

Faye and her father were having dinner that evening. It was quiet; Faye
wasnt speaking, and she was barely eating.
Faye, Her father said, The pork chops wont eat themselves.
Sorry, Faye muttered.
Silence again and then,
So, Her father said, Youre really going back to Georgia?
Just for a couple of days
Nah, I know you Faye, He said, Thats where your heart still is.
Faye didnt say anything.
When was the last time you talked to your mom?
Faye took a deep breath, Pop, please.
What about your sisters? Your stepdad?
Whats this about?
You need them now, Faye, He said, And they need you.
She drank some water, Idontknow anythinganymore, She said, I
thought when I came here, things will be better. And they did, She said, Or at
least, thats what I thought. What Id like to think. But its still not okay, She went
on, I just feelalone. Well, Ive always been, but its different being away and
knowing you could have things somewhere else She sighed, Oh well, either
way, its hardI justI just dont know anymore.
35
This has something to do with that boy you left
Hes not just a boy.
Well if hes more than that, he shouldve done something to be with you
now.
Oh like you with my mom?
Her father took a deep breath.
Sorry, Faye muttered.
Your mom and I, He said It was different. We were young, andwe
made mistakes and
And I was one of those,
Faye, He said, Youre not a mistake.
Yeah, well, tell her that.
I know you and your mom have a lot of differences, He said, And whos
to say you have no more differences nowI guess, most of its my fault, too.
You werent even there.
Exactly, He said, If I was, she wouldnt resent you so much.
She doesnt love you.
I didnt say she does, He said, All Im saying isMaybe I shouldve
been a better man. Maybe I shouldve explained why I left. Maybe, I shouldve
been in your life more, and not just recently.
She drank some water, Sorry, She said, I didnt mean to
Its okay, Faye, He said, I just hope you see your mom when you come
home. You see your family.
Yeah, well
Do they know what happened with you and Brad?
Faye shook her head.
And youre scared that theyll get mad if they do?
Theyll think Ive gone crazy again, She said, Theyll say Im throwing
away my future.
He reached out for her hand, Faye, He said, Look, you know I like Brad
for you, and he is a good guy, butI want you to be happy. And Im sure your
36
mom will understand that. Maybe she doesnt know how to tell you she does, but
I know she will. And maybe, maybe this time, going back to Georgia, maybe
youll be able to find out what you really want.
Isnt that what I came here for?
Faye, you came here to escape,
She took a deep breath, Guess Im still the queen of running away
then She muttered sarcastically.
Maybe you have to come home to see what youve run away from.
Is Georgia home?
I heard this from you, He said, Does home have to be a place?
Faye smiled a bit, Dont you wanna come with me? For Christmas?
Maybe visit your parents and all
No, He said, You should do this on your own, Faye. You should come
home. See what dreams you have left. What dreams you wanna come back to.













37


X

.. ./ . ,. .. ..., . . .. . . . . . .
../ . . .,., ,. .. . ,. ., ../ ./. /. ,. ..
/. ,. . . ../ . . .. . , .., -, ,


So, call me when you land, okay? Faye s father told her as he saw
her off at the airport. Faye was all covered up in her long burgundy trenchcoat, a
striped scarf, and an all black Chanel ensemble.
Yes, Faye said, Ill be back in a week or so.
Nah, just take your time.
She bit her lip, Bye, pop,
He kissed her on the forehead, Goodluck.

***

Cissy, you okay? Dexter asked, You havent eaten anything. They
were on the flight from New York to Georgia and Cissy was just sitting down,
without touching her food. She was just flipping through some magazines .
Its not a long flight.
But
She just sighed, put her headphones on, and ignored Dexter the whole
trip.

38
***

I have a feeling you haven t gone back to Georgia in a while, The old
woman sitting beside Faye on the plane said. Youre fidgety.
Faye smiled meekly. She doesnt like talking to people she sits next to
much, especially the talkative ones. What was it with people like that, anyway?
Why can t they just keep quiet and go on with their lives, or with whatever they re
doing.
Sorry, the woman said. She had her hair in a bun, and looked like a
simpler version of Helen Mirren, complete with the Red lips. Uhm, such a quirk
of mine, talking to younger ones like you..
Im not so young,
The woman laughed a bit, Honey, no matter how old you are, someone
else is still older than you.
That made Faye smile a bit, You also from Georgia?
The woman nodded her head, Yes, She said Im coming home for my
husband.
Oh, Faye was confused.
His grave, I mean, The woman said.
Oh, right, sorry,
Its alright, She said, We had a good life together.
How long?
40 years, She smiled, I was just twenty when we got married .
Wow,
I know, right? The woman said, Couldve been more if he didnt die
last year.
What happened?
Car accident, My son was driving, he was drunk and next thing we knew
they bumped into a tree in a dirt road and there was an electric post It was
awful.
39
Im really sorry, Faye said earnestly and reached out for the womans
hand.
Its alright, dear, She said, Its been over a year I still miss him,
though.
Of course, Faye muttered lightly, And your son? How is he?
Hes alright, She said, Hes been very hard on himself since the
accident, doesnt wanna get out fo Georgia. I was asking him to stay with me
and his sister back in Sacramento but he feels like its his duty to stay in Georgia,
be with his dad. He goes to the graveyard all the time.
It must be really hard,
Yes, She said, And thats why Im home.
To ask him to come to LA with you? Or to stay with him in Georgia?
No, She said, That decision is his alone. I just need to tell him what I
shouldve told him when his father died, She went on, That I forgive him, that
Im not angry, that though it hurts, I understand. That I forgive him, but that he
should forgive herself, too.
Faye smiled and squeezed the womans hand, I wish you well.
Thank you, dearie, She said, So what about you? Coming home for
Christmas?
Yeah, sort of, Faye said, Im visiting a friend. She uhm, planned this
Christmas reunion.
Oh, thats cool. Your family and friends will probably be waiting for you
at the airport.
I dont think so.
Why not?
They don t really know Im coming, She said, To be honest, I didnt
really wanna come but some stuff happened.
Oh, She said, So, something or someones holding you back?
Yeah, well
Let me guess. Someone you love?
Faye chuckled, You do know a lot, huh?
40
Wisdom could sometimes come with age, She winked.
Faye smiled and took a deep breath, Im just scared.
Of what?
Of the way things are. Of the way things arentOf I dontknow. I know
life changes but
Its still hard, of course, The woman said, But its harder to live in a lie,
isn t it?
Faye nodded her head, Im just scared that I have nothing to come back
to anymore.
Well, The woman held her hand, Then youd have to find out for
yourself.
Faye took a deep breath, looked at the clouds, felt like every passing
minute that leads her back to Georgia, pulls her away, at the same time.

Three years ago, she wouldnt even have thought of this. Three years ago,
she knew she had Daniel, and he had her. She thought of the day she and
Daniel last saw each other. The first and last time they saw each other. The day
she left.

She remembered the blue dress she wore, and the white polo top and
khaki pants he did. She remembered how at first, they both just looked at each
other, with none of them moving. He did first, and she laughed. They greeted
each other with a hug.
I cant believe I m finally seeing you, Daniel said.
Well, I guess you should.
He laughed again, Youre beautiful.
Thank you.
They sat on a bench and just felt the wind blowing on their faces.. No
one was speaking. No one really knew what to say.
He suddenly held her hand, Sorry if I could be such a confusing jerk
sometimes.
41
She laughed, Yeah, well.
Well?
Well, that s true.
He laughed, So what do you think? You and I?
She looked at him, What are you and I, anyway?
I dont know. And, you don t too.
I m just confused, you know, She said, Sometimes, you act like you re
so into me, and then the next, you re just gone. Like you barely care. And I know
I can be that way, too, but I wanted to see something from you.. I dont wanna
give my heart away just like that. Because Because Ive been hurt so many times
before. And and you know that. Its just I don t know.
I guess I m just I wasn t ready for you.
For me?
Youre different,, Faye, He said, Youre specialYoure like, this
muse
Not your muse, though.
Of course you are, He said, I just have no idea how to tell you.
Sometimes, it feels like I m so sure of how I feel, and I am, its just that that I can
t read you sometimes. You always say we connect, and I know we do, but
sometimesSometimes I feel like I just cant get though you.
You think I don t feel that way, too? I mean, with you?
I know you do, thats why I m sorry.
Faye sighed, I always thought you re my perfect match. You can ask
Tanya, She knows. I just feel we have something special. And maybe that
makes me assuming, but you and I both know itd be a lie to say were just plain
friends. As our friendship progressed, I felt like like we connected. Like for some
reason, our hearts and souls were one. Like, there was this part of me that no
one knew about but you. And I justI dont know.
I love you, He said.
She looked at him, What did you just say?
Faye, I love you, He held her hand, I love you, Ive been feeling this
42
for a while, and Im sorry if Im not as courageous as you think I should be, I m
sorry if sometimes, I justI just make you feel like theres nothing. But this is not
nothing. I love you, I do.
Why are you saying that now? Now that I m leaving?
Im sorry if I waited this long, its just I don t know. I didnt wanna say it
when I wasnt seeing you in person. I wanted to do it in person.
She took a deep breath,, I love you, too. She said, I do, but I dont
know what we can beI
He leaned on and kissed her. She was startled at first, but she kissed him
back. It seemed like the kiss was the monument that held them both at that
moment; It was like it was something that pulled them closer.
They looked at other and laughed. He put his arms around her. She felt
safe with him, in his arms. He just held her like that for a little while, like nothing
else mattered. Like she wasnt leaving in a few days.
Wait, He said, and took something out of his pocket. It was a ring, a
beautiful silver ring with purple fairy wings on top of it. The wings looked like a
fragile butterfly. He held Faye s hand and put it on her ring finger. She was
surprised.
Dan,
Its not much, He said, But one day, it will be more.
No, She said, Its beautiful .
He smiled , When I first saw it, I initially thought of you.
Me and my stupid fairytale fantasy
Its not stupid, He said, looking at her, Its one of the things I love
about you, actually. You believe in things other people have lost faith in. And
that makes you special.
Yeah?
Yeah.
She felt the wind blowing her hair on her face. She took a deep breath,
Will you write me when I m gone?
Will you?
43
Of course, She said, But I think you wont.
He laughed, I will. Im just not a good writer like you.
Well, you have your ways.
Will you remember me even if youre in California?
Ill remember you even if I was in Venus.
He laughed, Youll die there. More like, the moon, maybe.
And you?
You re always in my mind.
How many girls have you told that to?
Just you, He said, I havent been this brave before, if this is what you
call bravery.
And we cant be sure that you wont be brave for the future. For someone
else.
Faye,
I don t want us to make any promises. We may just break them.
I won t break them.
Dan,
I love you.
Well never know what happens next.
But you believe in me? You love me, right?
Didnt I just tell you that?
Faye, He held her hand, Just trust me like I trust us.
She took a deep breath and nodded her head. They stayed like that for a
little while.

Except nothing stayed the same. She no longer wore the ring, he barely
wrote, she didnt know what to say to him anymore, and she didnt know if
theres anything she could still come back and hold on to.
Hey, The woman said, holding her hand, Sweetie, youll be fine.
She burrowed her face in the womans shoulder, allowed herself to be
fragile, because that s what she is. A fragile soul. A wanderer who had no idea
44
what she still had, and what she doesnt anymore. And now she was crying the
tears that she tried hard not to shed.

***

Kaye? Amelia said as Kaye went inside her room that evening.
Kaye hugged her mom, Mommy, She said.
Whats going on?
Kaye then gave Amelia a letter.

Kaye,
Hello sweetheart. Just thought you d want to pass this
along to your mom. Or maybe not. What am I doing? Writing
to a six year old to ask her mom to come to a reunion. I
guess, all I want you to know is I love your mom like a
sister . And I want her to be happy. And I <demo> her to
celebrate the season, I m sure you know that song that goes
something like Tis the season to be jolly ;)
Please do come with your mom to my house tomorrow. It
ll be worth it, I promise.
Love,
Amanda

Can we go, mom?
Honey, Mandys just being dramatic
I think we should go, shes your friend
Kaye, its
Please, mom? Its Christmas, I want you to be happy.
But I am, sweetie.
No, Kaye said, Youre not.

45



XI

~. . / / . .
. ../ . ./ . .
~. . .. ..., . . . , .
. ., ....,
.. .., .., ~.
,,.. '. .., ~.

December 20th


You okay? Tanya asked Daniel who was driving. He wasnt looking at
her, much less talking. They were on the way to Savannah, Georgia.
Yeah, yeah, fine.
You look a little pale.
Just must be the weather.
Tanya just took a deep breath. She knows it isnt just the weather. Its
more than that. She glanced at him and remembered exactly the last time she
saw him like this. It was when Faye left three years ago. It was the look he had
when she saw him outside the airport . It was the look he had when she first
approached him.
46

Hi, Tanya said when she saw Daniel standing outside the airport. Faye
had just left a couple of minutes ago, and so did her parents. They asked Tanya
if she wanted to go home with them, but she chose to stay. She then saw a
man, Daniel, looking like his heart had just been taken out of his chest.
Hi, Tanya repeated, Daniel, right?
Daniel looked at her, Yes, He said, Youre
Tanya, She held out her hand for a handshake, Fayes. . She has told
me so much about you.
You too. He said lightly and took a deep breath.
Hey, She said, I know its hard, its hard for her, too but maybe it s for
the best. And you can always still talk.
Yes, yes, He said silently, paused, and then, So You want to have
coffee or something?
She was startled..
Sorry, he said, I just thought
She noticed that it was as if he was about to cry, No, its okay, She
said, I have time.
And she did. They went to a coffee shop, talked about Faye, and since
then they became friends. They became close because of Faye, because of her
being away, and soon, it wasnt about Faye anymore . Or maybe it still was.
Maybe , itll always be about Faye. Maybe, Faye was like the big Pink Elephant in
the room, and today, they re gonna talk about her again. They re gonna see her
again.

What s going on? He asked her as she was looking at him.
Nothing, She said, looking away, I was just thinking.
He just took a deep breath and went on driving.

***

47
Jake stopped his car in front of Amandas parents old house. He thought
the house looked beautiful, as it always had. There were flowers surrounding the
houseGladiolas, and Red and White Roses. Coxcombs and Irises, Daffodils
There were Orchids, too. And there was a big, old Willow tree at the backyard,
which you can see even meters away from it.
He got out of his car and took his bag out of the trunk . He stood up and
saw that there was a woman who was standing uncomfortably in front of the
house, shifting from foot to foot. A little girl was sitting on the steps.
Hi, Jake said as he got up the pavement.
Hi, The woman said silently.
So, uhm are we classmates before? Schoolmates? College?
Uh, no, She said, I actually thought it was a High School reunion.
Thats whats in her letter.
Oh, Jake muttered, confused, Wow, thats weird. Wheres Amanda,
anyway?
The woman shrugged, Ive no idea. My daughter and I have been here
for over an hour
Oh well, maybe Amanda wanted something like a meet-up.
The woman just smiled slightly, nervously.
Just then, Jake saw someone getting out of a cab.

***

Faye brought her things out of the cab with her, and was surprised to see
a woman and a kid she didnt know standing outside Amandas house. And then
she saw Jake.
Faye! Jake said as he came up to her and hugged her, Hey I missed
you!
You too, Jake, Faye smiled, Its been too long.
I know, Jake laughed, You look so thin. Are you okay?
She just tapped him lightly on the shoulder and laughed.
48
Hi, Faye said, Have we met before?
Uhm, no, actually Im confused as to what s going on I thought this was
gonna be a High School reunion.
She said it was for College
Amanda has probably something in mind, I think, Jake said, By the
way , Im Jake, He held out his hand to the woman, And this is Faye,
Amelia, Amelia said, and this is my daughter, Kaye, She held Kayes
hand.
Hello Kaye, Faye smiled.
Hi! Kaye said, Are you my moms friends?
Faye laughed a bit, Oh, well
Oh,by the way, Fayes a writer. A good one at that. Jake said.
Oh, you write? Amelia asked.
Shes a bestseller!
Faye laughed, Not really a bestseller but yeah, well
Wow, Amelia said, I mustve read your novels I hope, She smiled, I
like reading. Its one of the only things that keep me sane.
Its good to hear notnot the sad part, though.
I bet you have read her works, Jake said, Goes by the pen name
Cassandra Thomas.
The muse of tragedy and romance, Faye said.
Oh, Amelia said, smiling a bit, I have read your works then. I really like
Penny and The Sea.
The Seas the first one I wrote, Faye said, remembering. She wrote it for
Daniel. He was her inspiration, and desperation. She remembered writing it a few
weeks since she moved to California. She remembered how shed think of Daniel
all the time, how she was seeing him even if he was so far away.
Then before anyone can say anything, thunder roared, and it was raining
heavily.
Shit, Jake muttered.
Mommy! Kaye said.
49
Here, take this, Jake said, removing his jacket and putting it on Kaye.
Oh, thanks, Amelia said, Oh my God, wheres Amanda? How will we
get in?
Wheres the key? Faye said, The rains getting harder, my goodness
She then opened her bag and looked for something that will shield them from the
rain. And then they saw an old man walking by.
Keys under the rug! The man said.
Rug? Faye said.
The man pointed at the rug under the door. Jake bent down, flipped the
rug and found some keys under. He picked them up, Thank you! looked over
to the man and opened the door.
Faye, Amelia, Kaye and Jake then went inside. The house was so clean,
but was decorated beautifully. As Faye removed her coat, she noticed there were
two vases filled with White Roses sandwiching a portrait of Amanda on a table,
which she found to be weird. And then she noticed the photos on the wall:
Amanda on her college graduation day, a photo of Amanda with her parents,
Amanda on her prom
Mom, look! Kaye pointed at a photo on the wall. Amelia stood up and
noticed that it was their High School Senior Class Picture. Amelia peered lightly,
andsmiled. She looked so shy then. Well, she still is. She was Their
Valedictorian, but it didn t mean that she had many friends. She had long, crimp
hair, large glasses, and was wearing this big fluffy dress. Standing next to her
was Amanda. She always thought Amanda was simply beautiful. She was
stunning, even if she didnt wear lots of make-up and was always just quiet. And
there was Cecelia, who liked to be called Cissy. She was head cheerleader, and
definitely the Queen bitch especially after her rift with Sean, her twin. And then
theres Dexter, Everyone s favorite jock.
Youre the girl with the eyeglasses on? Jake asked Amelia.
She looked at him, then back at the photo, Ugly girl with the glasses on,
yes.
Nah, you re not ugly, Jake said, This was what? 2001? Everyone
50
were going bohemian,
Yeah, Faye said, Even Jake had his bohemian phase. Afro.
Hey Jake said, You didnt know me in High School! He said and they
laughed.
Anyway wheres our picture Jake said, his eyes trailing on the wall,
Oh there, he said, Found it, He pointed his finger to a photo at the left side
of the wall. It was a photo of Amanda, Faye, Tanya and himself, on a bench at
the Armstrong Atlantic State University. It seemed as if they were having the time
of their lives. Faye was sticking her tongue out to the camera, Amanda was
smiling her heart out while holding a book, Tanya was rolling her eyes, and Jake
had his James Dean smile on.
Oh my... Faye muttered, Look at that, She smiled, What was I
thinking?
We all werent thinking, James smiled.
My hair! Faye exclaimed.
ALOHAAAAA! Just then someone came inside the house and greeted
them enthusiastically, Im here! Wheres everyone?! And then he looked
around and surprised to see that it was only Amelia whom he knew inside. Oh
my
Sean, Amelia greeted.
Sean came up and hugged her, Meely! It s been ages! He said, And
who are this people? Did I come to the right place?
Well, were all asking the same thing, too, Faye said.
Wheres Amanda?
Jake shrugged, No idea, He said, Jake, by the way.
Sean, Sean held out his hand, And whos this?
Faye, Faye said, Mandy, Jake, and I were classmates in college.
Oh, Sean said, I thought it was a high school reunion.
She said it was a college one, Faye said.
Oh, Sean said, Thats weird... anyway, He noticed Fayes lacey black
top, Nice op. H & M?
51
Faye smiled, Forever 21.
Oh, Sean said, Cool. I think I should call Amanda, and you, should
maybe pat yourself, you re wet.
Oh. Faye muttered.
She then rummaged for a towel in her bag and Sean took out his phone,
Err, He said, No signal. Damn. He started walking around.
I think this house is a dead spot, Jake said, Ive no signal as well.
Whoa,
Faye was gonna say something but as her gaze fell upon the door where
two people just arrived: Daniel and Tanya, she froze as if she was glued to the
spot. She felt like her heart was just gonna get out of her chest anytime.
Tanya! Jake greeted, running up to her. He hugged her, Good Lord,
its been too long!
Jacob, Tanya smiled, Look at you. Wheres Emma?
Oh, uhm, He said, We broke up.
Oh, Tanya said.
And whos this Jake said, looking at Daniel. Daniel and Faye were
looking at each other from afar. Daniels heart was also beating fast.
Oh, Tanya said, also looking at Faye. She then glanced at Daniel, then
back at Jake, Uhm, this is Daniel. Hes my
Friend, Daniel said, cutting Tanya off. Tanya looked at him and took a
deep breath. Daniel went on, looking at Faye, And also Fayes.
Friend? Faye thought, But really what are they?
Oh, cool, Jake said, Great.
Amanda also invited him, Tanya said, Where is she, by the way?
We dont know, Jake said, And theres no signal here. He then saw
that Faye looked as if she wanted to be anywhere but there. Faye? You okay
Oh, yes, Faye said silently, Im fine. She then went up to Tanya, Hey,
She hugged her, Its been a while.
I know, She said, and hugged Faye a little too uneasily. Faye then
looked at Daniel.
52
Faye, He gave her a peck on the cheek.
Weird, everything just feels weird. Faye thought, her heart breaking by the
second.
I cant believe you re here, Faye told Daniel, I didnt know you and
Amanda were close
Oh, Tanya said, He knows about him from me.
You?
Oh, Daniel said, Becausebecause of you, I mean, we uhm
What Dan is saying is
That were all friends, Daniel said, looking at Tanya. Tanya sighed in
exasperation.
Okaaaay, guys, lighten up. Sean said, youre all looking apprehensive.
Everything alright?
Yes, Faye said, sounding anything but, Werefine Faye and Daniel
were glancing at each other.
So, Tanya said, clearing her throat, Can anyone call Amanda?
The place is a dead spot, Sean said.
God, Tanya muttered, sitting down on the sofa. She then noticed the
tension between Faye and Daniel.
Dan, She muttered, Sit down.
Daniel took a deep breath while still looking at Faye. Faye sighed and
turned towards Jake and the others. The tension really was building.
Hi, everyone, Someone came. It was Dexter and Cissy.
Dex, Amelia said.
Meely! Dexter said and hugged Amelia. He then saw Kaye, Is this
Kayla?
Amelia felt like her heart was gonna break. Even just hearing Kaylas
name already makes her feel vulnerable. She looked as if she had been struck
by something hard, and harsh.
Meel?
Im Kaye, Kaye said.
53
Kaye, Dexter muttered, OkaySo wheres your sister?
Shes gone, Kaye said.
Kaye, Amelia muttered.
Gone?
Kaylas dead, Amelia said.
Oh my God, Dexter said, Im sorry, what happened?
It was an accident, Amelia said.
Dex, can you be any more awkward? Cissy said, killing her cigarette on
the wall.
Sorry, Dexter said.
Cissy! Sean said, hoping that his sister will return the enthusiasm, My
dear, its been a while, He tried to hug Cissy but she swatted his hand away.
Cissy, Dexter said.
Dont you dare, Sean.
Sean took a deep breath, Cecelia, please. Its Christmas in a few days,
come on.
Just because Im here doesnt mean I came because I wanna make
peace with you.
Sean sighed, Fine, He said, But just so you know, everyone grows up,
Cissy, you should, too.
What did you just say? Cissy said, her eyes burning with rage.
Guys, calm down, Amelia said, Please, my kids around.
No one asked you to bring her here
I did, Someone said coming from inside the house. They all turned to
see who it was.
It was Amanda.
She was wearing a long white flowing dress, and was holding some
freshly picked Roses. Her hair was fishbraided, and it didnt seem that she had to
go through the rain. She was radiant.
Whoa, Sean said, Where have you been? And How come youre not
wet? Its raining hard outside.
54
Amanda smiled, I have my ways, She said, moved to where the White
Roses were, and put in the freshly picked ones she was holding. Im so glad you
all could come.
Okay, hold up, Cissy said, Im really confused nowI thought this was a
high school reunion, Surely there werent just four or five of us in High School
And we thought it was for college Faye muttered.
And you said, you wanted to see me and Daniel Tanya followed up.
I know, Im so sorry, Amanda said, Its justI know that if I told you that
I only invited this little bunch, you might not come. Please, dont be mad at me. I
just wanted to see you guys, specifically. Youre the only family I have left. I
mean, youre like my family, and I thought, why not have them over for
Christmas? I thought it would be cool if you guys all met each other. After all,
again, its Christmas. Please? Could we just enjoy this time? I really dont wanna
spend Christmas just by myself
By yourself? Dexter said, Where are your parents?
Amanda took a deep breath, and closed her eyes as if she was smelling
the air and feeling the mist around them. Theyregone, She said after a while.
Gone? Faye asked.
They died last year, car accident. The van they were riding hit a car that
fell down a dirt patch and everyone just got decapitated, and only one guy
survived. My parents didnt, and so was the old man in the other car. It
wastragic.
For some reason, this reminded Faye of the woman she met at the plane.
Oh my God, She muttered and reached out for Amandas hand, Im so sorry.
Why didnt you tell us? Jake asked.
I thought you knew, there were newspaper articles, but you know maybe
you just didnt pay attention Amanda said, Besides, I knew you were all
busyAndits okayIm okay.
Still, you couldve called, Dexter said.
Death is hard, Amelia said, Sometimes you just lose sight of what you
should do.
55
Amanda looked at her and smiled lightly. She took a deep breath,
Anyway, Ive readied your roomsAnd I have room assignments
Room assignments? Cissy said mockingly, What are we? High School?
Cissy, Dexter muttered.
I just though, you know, it could be fun
Fun, Cissy said, Wow.
Well, why not? Sean said, This might be cool. Im sure Cissy would
wanna room with me
SHUT.UP. Cissy said.
Okay, guys, please, stop, Amanda said, UhmAmelia and Kaye will be
rooming with me in my room, and then Tanya, Faye and Cissy, you could all take
the guest room, while the boys can stay in my parents old room.
Im not letting Sean stay with Dex. Were living together, for Gods sake!
Cecelia, enough, Dexter said, Dont make a big deal out of things.
Okay, guys, enough, Amanda clapped her hands to stop them, Ive
taped your names on your would-be rooms, so yeah, you can just go up. I,
meanwhile, shall heat some food up. Ive some Lasagna and theres Turkey, too
and
Ill help you, Faye said, I can fix my stuff later.
Okay, Amanda smiled, Lets.











56
XII


. .. ../ /. .. ,. ./ . . . .. . .. .
.. . / . ,, ...,

Come on up! Sean boomed as he and the others went up the stairs to go
to their rooms, while Amanda and Faye made their way to the kitchen to prepare
food. Dexter then came up to Cissy.
Come on, Ill carry your bags, Dexter said.
How dare you talk me down like that? Cissy asked, not allowing Dexter
to pick up her bags.
Cecelia, just stop, will you? Youre ruining the mood.
We shouldnt have come.
Fine, Dexter said, a little too loudly, You wanna go home? Lets go
home. No one forced you to come here.
Cissy sighed, picked up her bags and walked up the stairs. Dexter shook
his head and followed suit. Cissy threw one last look at him, then went inside the
room with her name on, and went inside. She closed the door heavily and
plopped down on the empty bed. Tanya was kneeling down, stuffing her things in
a drawer.
Let me guess, Tanya said, You didnt wanna be here.
Obviously,
Your brothers gay?
Cissy took a deep breath, He stole my first love away from me.
57
Oh,
And you? Cissy asked, There seems to be a tension between you and
that Faye
Tanya took a deep breath, Its complicated.
What isnt?
Tanya smiled a bit, Daniel and herthey wereI dont really know what
they were but they were something once.
Oh,
Tanya took a deep breath and stood up, fidgeting, Its just unfair, you
know? Its like he still loves her. He probably never really not loved her, its
justShe was gone, all this time, andand nowI feel like Im losing him.
Nothings happened yet.
Oh like youre not scared, and like youre not defensive with your
boyfriend?
Cissy rolled her eyes, Fine, you made your point, She said, Maybe you
should talk to him and set your boundaries.
Tanya took a deep breath, Fayes his muse.
What?
Hell always like her.
Then why did you come here?
Why did you?

***
Faye, are you okay? Amanda asked as she was standing near the oven,
waiting for the Turkey to be in good eating condition. Faye was slicing some fruits
for the fruit bowl, but she seemed as if her mind was off somewhere else.
Yeah, yeah, Im fine, Faye said, almost chopping off her finger with the
knife. She then sighed, I just She then went back to chopping of a slice of
Kiwi, Seeing Daniel and Tanya together is justI just dont know what to feel.
Sorry, Amanda said, Wellif you want, I could re-arrange stuff for you
to be rooming with Daniel,
58
Oh no, dont bother, Faye said, I dont think I could handle thatIm
justI really just have no idea what to feel. Tanya and I havent spoken for ages,
she stopped communicating with me and now shes with DanielI dont know
what to make of it. And I know I shouldnt even be thinking of anything, really, its
justIm sorry, She then took a deep breath.
Its okay, Faye, Amanda said, Maybe I shouldve thought of
No, no, Mandy, not your fault at all Faye said, Souhmyour
parentsIt mustve been hard,
It was, Amanda said, But I figured, time would come and Id meet them
again. She smiled, sadly, pensively.
You probably miss them a lot.
Amanda didnt say anything but just smiled a bit. So, She asked, Really,
Faye, how are you?
Faye shook her head, I may have the world now, She said, But it feels
like I have nothing.

***
Just one thing, Sean said while he and the other guys were inside their
room, Im practically very much in love right now, so you have nothing to worry
about.
Sean, you didnt have to say that, Dexter said.
I just dont want any commotion, Sean said, I came here to have fun.
And Cissy may still hate me, and thats fine, but I dont want her sabotaging
things.
Cut it out, guys, Jake said, It hasnt even been a full day and the
tensions bad. I mean, I dont know you, but come on. He then turned to see
Daniel, You okay? He asked.
Yeah, fine, Daniel muttered.

***
59
Minutes later, the food was ready and they were eating, a bit too quietly at
first. And then Amanda decided to speak.
So, uhm Tanya, She said, Youre a little too quiet, She noticed that
Tanya was picking at the Pasta with her fork, Everything good?
Yeah, yeah, sure, Tanya said, The drive from Charleston was
justdraining.
Daniel dropped his fork and looked as if he was struck by lightning. Tanya
looked at him and looked angry and hurt, at the same time.
Charleston? Faye said, almost spilling her water goblet, Waityou
came from Charleston? She fixed her eyes at Tanya.
Tanya took a deep breath.
Tanya, Daniel said, as if not wanting Tanya to speak.
Let me speak, Daniel, Tanya said.
Here comes another commotion. Sean muttered.
Tanya, this isnt the proper place for
The proper place for what? Faye asked, Whats going on? Really?
I guess you have to know the truth now, Tanya said.
Truth? What truth?
I live in Charleston now, Tanya said and took a deep breath.
InCharleston, Faye muttered, Since when? She looked from her to
Daniel, who seemed to be wanting to get out of there at the very second.
Since last year, Tanya said, Since Daniel and I got together.
Tanya, enough, Daniel said.
No, she has to know.
Right, I do, Faye muttered, shocked, Youretogether? You live
together?
We dont, Daniel said.
Thats really none of your business, but yeah, we dont, Tanya said.
Fayes heart was beating fast. She felt like the whole room was spinning,
like she was gonna fall any second, How long has this been going on? Faye
asked silently.
60
A year and a month, Tanya said.
Faye, Daniel said, Let me explain.
No, no, you dont have to, I mean, why do you, right? Faye asked, her
voice breaking. Her tears were slowly making their way to her eyes, about to fall
off any second.
Its not what you think, Daniel said.
Faye looked at Tanya, Youre my bestfriend. She said, Youre my
bestfriend. She then looked at Daniel, You both are my friends, you couldve
said something
It was hard without you around, Tanya said.
Is that the reason why you stopped writing? Why things have been
strained? How could you just
Oh, enough, Faye. Tanya said, Like you dont have a fianc you just
left?
A what? Daniel asked.
She was engaged, Tanya answered, For a couple of months.
Faye took a deep breath, and was now trying hard not to cry, but it was no
use. Her tears were now falling down her face unsteadily.
You were engaged? Daniel asked.
She took a deep breath, Things were hard, She said, I couldnt feel you
anymoreAndand I justI thought it would make things betterI
She doesnt love you the way you think she does, Tanya said.
Guys, enough, Amanda said.
No, Tanya said, Why should I stop? Shouldnt we all know the truth
here? Shouldnt Daniel know the truth? Fayes been acting like a lovestruck
woman, like someone who loves someone so much, like someone whos heart is
breaking now when in fact, were just the same. She had someone else, just like
Daniel has me.
You dont know anything, Faye said, You have no idea how I feel. This
is about how you werent honest with me--

61
Yeah? Like you were honest with us, too? Tanya asked, Do you
remember when you told me a couple of months after you went away that maybe
Daniels not the right guy for you? That maybe you were just sad
Enough! Faye said, You have no idea how Im feeling!
And you dont know how were feeling too!
Tanya, enough! Daniel said.
Faye was crying, Excuse me, She said, I justcant She then ran up
the stairs.
Faye! Daniel said.
Stop, Tanya pulled Daniels hand to prevent him from following Faye.
Daniel took a deep breath, let go of Tanyas grip and walked outside.
Dan! Tanya said and followed him.
Cissy took a deep breath, So thats what happens when you steal
someones love. She said sarcastically.
You know what? Sean told Cissy, Ive had enough of this, He pushed
his plate away, You have been acting so bad. Why cant you just grow up,
Cecelia? Youre what? 26 now? You and Ferdinand have long been over! We
were just what? 14 then? We were kids. Ive said sorry hundreds of times, and
youre still that way, as if it only happened yesterday. Grow up! Or maybe, you
still havent moved on from your relationship with Ferdinand? What? You still love
him? Coz if you, then, Dex, maybe you should try exploring your options coz I
dont think my sister deserves you
ENOUGH! Cissy shouted, her voice breaking. She was crying now,
Youre just a whore.
It takes one to know one, Sean said and walked upstairs.
Excuse me?
Oh, like I dont know that you slept with Marvin and lost your virginity to
him while Amelia was his prom date?
Cissy looked flabbergasted.
Is that true? Amelia asked.
Mom, whats happening Kaye said.
62
Cissy, is that true? Amelia ignored Kaye and looked at Cissy.
ItsI
Werent you my prom date? Dexter asked Cissy, So, thats the reason
why you just disappeared? Why I wasnt able to bring you home?
Dex,
My God, Cissy, Dexter said, What other things dont I know?
Guys, calm down, Jake said.
What, Cecelia? Dont know what to say, huh? Sean said.
Cissy took a deep breath, You have no idea why I did that, She said,
You did it to me first.
Im not Amelia, Sean said, If you wanted to destroy me or destroy your
life, thats your choice. You cant blame me for things you did.
I cant believe you, She told Sean.
And I cant believe you, Dexter told her.
Guys, please, Amanda said.
This was a mistake, Cissy said, I shouldnt have come here. She then
stood up and ran upstairs.
I think I need to go out for a bit, too, Dexter said.
Yea, Kaye and I are also gonnahead to bed early, Amelia said, picking
up Kaye, Great dinner, She muttered and went with Kaye upstairs.
Sorry, Sean told Amanda, I just
Its okay, Amanda said.
So, Jake said, Well IMaybe I should be helping you with uhm, the
dishes
No, no, I can manage,
Oh dont be silly, Sean said, Let us help.
Thanks, Amanda said, a bit embarrassed.

***
63
Daniel! Tanya called out as she followed Daniel to the front porch,
Daniel, wait! She then grabbed him by the arm and let him face her, What is
wrong with you? She asked.
What is wrong with me?! He retorted, What is wrong with you?! You
shouldnt have done that!
Youre siding on Faye?!
Shes not even here! Shes upstairs!
But youre still on her side!
Shes your friend, Tanya, for heavens sake! He said, If you wanted to
tell her about us, you couldve done so decently,
Yeah? Or what, wait for you to tell her?
What are you so afraid of?
Im afraid of losing you, She said, her voice breaking, I already am.
He sighed, Youre thinking too much. Shes still our friend
Oh come on, Tanya said, You and her were never just friends! She
went on, You can lie to yourself, but not to me.
Well, Im with you now. Why cant you just calm down?!
Because even if youre with me, your mind is still with her. No, not your
mind, your heart. And its scary. Its scary cozCoz I know a part of you will
always belong with her. But Im here, She said, Shes been gone for three
years, dont you think things have changed? You dont know her anymore, She
said, And neither does she. She took a deep breath and went back inside.

***
Faye was looking out the large window, still crying, when Cissy went
inside the room.
Fuck him, Cissy said, Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him! She then sat down
on bed and threw some pillows on the floor, God, I shouldnt have come here.
Makes two of us, Faye muttered, wiped her tears then turned to look at
Cissy. She took a deep breath.
64
Sean ruins everything, Cissy said, Going off about what I did years
agoHes insane. And now Dex and II justWhy am I even telling you this?
Because no one else is around?
For some reason, Cissy smiled a bit. She took a deep breath, opened a
drawer, and found a cardigan. She wore it over her Cobalt Blue tank top and the
skinny jeans she was wearing. The December breeze was getting to her.
So, Cissy said, You didnt know that that friend of yours and that Daniel
guy are together?
Faye shook her head, Ive been gone for too long, I justWhat I was
afraid of just happened.
And what is that?
That I have nothing to come back to anymore, She said, That things just
havechanged. And they did. Its just hard cozcoz theyre my friends.
AndAnd I love them, There were tears on her eyes again, I just wish I didnt
come back.
You mean, you wish you didnt know the truth?
I think Ive always known the truth, She said, I was just afraid of seeing
it.
Cissy took a deep breath, fixing her cardigan and then Faye noticed the
scar on Cissys left wrist.
You tried to kill yourself? Faye asked. Cissy was confused at first and
then she glanced at the scar. She smiled wryly.
I was fourteen, Cissy said, And wellSean got together with my
boyfriend and it was just so bad for my ego andI justI was so crushed.
Faye then took a deep breath, rolled up the sleeve of her sweater and
showed Cissy her left arm and wrist, Theyre not that evident now, butI still
have them.
What? You were suicidal, too?
No, She said, Self-harmful, though, She took a deep breath, I had
bouts with self-mutilation
You seem perfect,
65
Oh, believe me, Im screwed up.
Cissy laughed, You know, if this was a different day, Id probably be
screaming at you now, She said.
Yeah, me too, she said, But were strangers, you know. Theres kind of,
a uhm, comfortin talking to people who dont really know you the way most
people do. And besidesOn the way here Ive been talking to astrangerin a
plane.
Oh.
So Faye said, What are you gonna do?
Faye shrugged, I dont know, She said, You? Are you gonna go home?
I want to, She said, But for some reason, I justits like something pulls
me back.
Just then, Tanya went inside the room, her eyes wet with tears, her face
flushed in anger. She looked at Faye, Look what youve done, She said.
Me?! Faye retorted, Oh screw you, Tanya.
No, screw you,
Faye took a deep breath, Next time you do something like that, make
sure you can handle it. She then went out of the room, banging the door.
Fuck you, Faye! Tanya shouted.
Well well well, Cissy said, What do they sayAnger is a double-edged
sword,
Yeah, well, tell that to yourself. Tanya said and burrowed herself in bed.









66
XIII


. ..,. ,. ., .,. . ..,. ,. -..
. . . ../ ,.

Faye made her way to backyard. She wanted to get away from the house.
She wanted to get away from it all; them all. She went farther away, wanting to sit
down on a bench by the barn. She walked towards the bench and saw Daniel.
She then sighed and turned her back from him.
Faye, please, dont, Daniel stood up, Ill leave.
No, no, Faye said, looking at him, You got here first.
Faye,
She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, opened them again to glance at
Daniel then sat at the far left end of the bench. Daniel then sat back down at the
far right end. They were silent for a while, only listening to the sound of the
crickets. Fireflies were everywhere.
So, Faye spoke, looking ahead, You and Tanya,
Im sorry, Daniel muttered.
Dont be, She said, Shes here. Ive been gone for a whileandand
maybe she gives you the love and happiness you deserve.
Faye, He said, Its not like that.
Then what is it?
He took a deep breath, Just because you were gone doesnt mean I
never thought about you. I did. Everyday. I still do,
Wow, thank you, She said sarcastically.
Faye, please, He said, I never forgot you. Never will,
67
Well, you should, Faye said, Because youre with Tanya now. Shes
here, shes staying, shes with you in Charleston.
Daniel took a deep breath, You were engaged. He muttered.
Faye looked at him and took a deep breath, as well. Was engaged, yes.
Not anymore?
She shook her head.
What happened?
She sighed, I guess he just couldnt see me as me, She said, Dont get
me wrong, hes a good guybutwere justtoo different. He gave me
everything butreally, there wasnothing.
I bet he gave you a really beautiful ring,
Yeah, Faye said, It was grand, lovely, diamonds, Princess-cutbut it
didnt have fairy wings on top. She looked at Daniel.
Daniel smiled sadly.
Faye went on, He was gonna give me my fairytale wedding though, or at
least I thought. I mean, come on, Im not getting any younger andand a part of
me felt like I wanted to settle down. Andand he was there, She said.
Do you love him?
I wouldnt have gotten engaged if I didnt.
Really?
What do you wanna hear?
I dont know, Daniel muttered, The truth.
Faye took a deep breath, Whenwhen we started drifting apart, She
looked at Daniel, I justI felt like, maybe, it wasnt real. Maybe I really just
tricked myself into things, like I always usually did. Maybe it wasnt real anymore.
Maybe my fairytale, with you, is really justa fairytale. A myth. Maybe it was
never real,
Thats not true, You know thats not true.
I dont know whats true and whats not anymore, Faye said, her voice
breaking, about to cry, All I know is II really loved you. And I guess, I still do.
Andand my hearts breaking every second now. Seeing you here.I justI
68
shouldnt even be saying this. I mean, I got engaged and all, butSometimes its
just so hard, being alone. Its hard not knowing where you stand.
Im sorry, Daniel said, Im really sorry, Tears were falling down his face
now, Look, Faye, I love you. I did. I do. Im justscared,
You always are,
You think I wasnt a mess when you werent around? He asked, I was. I
was one big mess. Even beforeYou know, all those years ago, when you
would just flit in and out of my life
Flit in and out of your life?! Faye said, What
You know what Im talking about, Faye. You were gone. Three whole
months, you were gone.
Because IMy family was going through so much, you know that. You
think I wanted to be gone? You think it didnt kill me that I wasnt able to talk to
my friends for three months? You think it didnt break my heart that I wasnt
there? That we didnt talk? That the only times we talked were me being fragile
andYou think I wasnt a mess?
Thats the point, He said, I was a mess, too. I was falling apart, I missed
you, every single fuckin day, I did. So I was like, If I was that way when we
werent together, how much more if we were? And then we met. We saw each
other, we kissed that fateful dayI gave you that ring, He said, And then you
left. And Im not blaming you, Faye, no. I knew you had to do what you had to do.
And I was a coward for not doing anything to plead for you to..stayOr, to know
that I really, really love you. I screwed this up
She took a deep breath, trying to muffle her tears, You know what I first
took out when I arrived at the airport and went to the CR? She looked at him,
then took something out of her pocket, This, She said, holding out the Fairy ring
Daniel gave her, I was sitting next to an old lady in the plane, and she told me
that maybe, I really should go back here to see what I haveand what I dont,
She took another deep breath, And now I realize I dont have anything
anymore.
Maybe I shouldnt have come,
69
And what? Lie to me again?
I wasnt lying,
You just didnt tell me the truth, huh?
Oh, like you did?
She sighed, Fine, She said, But were here now. Andwe didnt come
for each other, we came for Amanda. For thisthis reunion. For Christmas.
Andand maybe I should be going to bed, She stood up but Daniel grabbed her
by the arm.
Dont, He said, Stay,
She looked at him, her heart breaking, her eyes full of tears. His eyes
were glistening with sadness, his heart beat loudly in his chest.
We shouldnt, She said.
Were not gonna do anything. He said, Just He motioned for her to sit
down, Stay close. Even just for tonight.
She looked at him and bit her lip. She sat down next to him. He wrapped
his arms around her, and she laid her head on his shoulder. They stayed like that
for a little while, holding each other underneath the moonlight, the fireflies and
stars their only witnesses.













70
XIV
' .., .. ., . . . ., /. )/ '.

When Amanda went to her bedroom later that evening, she saw Amelia
sitting down on bed, looking after Kaye.
Hi, Amanda said, SorryI didnt mean for you to witness those
squabbles.
Its okay, Amelia said, smiling a bit, You wanted to get me distracted, it
happened.
Amanda laughed lightly and sat down by the foot of the bed. She looked at
Kaye, Shes beautiful.
Yes, Amelia said, Looks more like her dad, though. Kayla looks like me.
But I love them both,
Amanda reached out for her hand, Im really sorry about Kayla,
And your parents, too, Amelia said, taking a deep breath, Look at us,
this young and weve already lost so muchWell, okay, were not really young,
are we?
Well, we still are, Amanda said, And just think you still have Kaye.
Yes, Amelia said, But not her dad, not KaylaSometimes I just wanna
ask God whyAnd look what I just found out today, right? Its like, all this time,
Marvin has not been telling me everything. And I loved him. God, I loved him.
He will never lie to you again, Amanda said, Because you are not gonna
allow him to. Not anymore.
But
You dont love him anymore, Meely. You think you do, but you dont,
And how do you know that?
Youre just scared of starting over, She said, And you shouldnt be.
Because you still have Kaye, and I know youll find love soon. Orlove will find
71
you. I know love will find you. And you will be fine, She went on, Besides,
Meely, everyone starts over. Andand staying stuck, staying, pining for
someone who already left, pining for someone whosnot there anymore, its
just wrong. It may hurt at first, it may affect other peoplepeople you love, but it
will be fine. We all deserve our second chances, our second leases on life.
Thanks, Amelia muttered.
Just take that to heart, Meely, Amanda said, Please,
She smiled, Thank you.
And just remember, without that second chance, your parents, your
perfect family, it wont be around.
What?
Amanda just shook her head, Youll know. Youll see.



















72
XV
. ..., . . . ,., . .. ..., ... .
. . . . ... - .,

December 21st

When Daniel woke up the following morning, he saw Faye walking back to
the house hurriedly.
Faye, wait! He called out, and ran after her. He caught up with her, and
grabbed her by the arm, What are you doing?
What are you doing? She retorted.
Faye,
What we did was wrong,
We didnt do anything,
She took a deep breath, hugging herself, You have Tanya now, She
said, Andand maybe, I shouldnt even be wearing this ring, She then
removed the ring, and handed it forcefully to Daniel, Just give it to Tanya,
Will you stop?! Daniel said, Shes not you! This is yours.
I cantI cant have it anymore, She said and ran back to the house,
where she bumped into Tanya. They just looked at each other, and Tanya made
her way outside where she saw Daniel holding the ring.
Whats that? Tanya asked, Were you with her last night?
Tanya, not now.
Im your girlfriend,
Daniel sighed, Im sorry,
Is something going on?
73
Nothings going on, okay?! Daniel said, Fuck. He then left her alone
and went inside the house as well.

***
Hi, Jake said as he saw Amelia at the dining room, helping her daughter,
Kaye eat some Pasta.
Hey, Amelia said lightly, Uhm, theres some Pasta if you want. I made
some for Kaye but I thought, why not make much for everyoneIt doesnt have
Shrimp, though, shes allergic to itand nutsbad for her Asthma
Oh, Jake said, Yeah, sure, thanks, He smiled, Wheres everyone?
Amelia shrugged, Amanda wasnt around when I woke up, I saw Faye
just coming in from the backyard, and so did Daniel and Tanyalooks like they
wouldnt want any breakfastDexter and Cissy and Sean, I havent seen
Im here, Sean said, coming to the dining room, Mornin! Hmmthat
smells good,
Amelia smiled lightly.
Your daughters pretty, you know? Sean said.
Thanks,
You wanna go somewhere, sweetheart? Sean asked Kaye, There are
pretty good parks around
Oh, no, shes not going anywhere, Amanda said.
But mom
Kaye, its bad for your health,
Oh, Sean said, Okaaaay. He then proceeded to open the
refrigerator, Lets seeOrange juice, and eggshmmmLemme just have the
Pasta.

***
Cecelia, why are you smoking early? Dexter asked as he found Cissy
smoking at the front porch, sitting on a chair, her foot propped on one of the
railings.
74
What is it to you?
Cut it out, Dexter said, taking her cigarette stick away from her, Just
stop.
Whoa, slow down, you should cut it out.
Cut what out?
You being a douche?
Im being a douche?! Dexter said, Ha. Well, if I am, then what are you?
Tell me something, Cissy, are you still in love with Ferdinand?
Cissy stood up, Im not answering that.
Why? Because its true?
Will you just stop?
Just then, the old man from yesterday who told Faye, Jake and Amelia
where the keys were walked towards the house, holding a bowl of fruits, Hi, He
said, I hope Im not interrupting something,
Yeah, well, its all fine, Dexter said, sounding anything but.
Here, He said handing the bowl of fruits to Dexter, Dont hesitate to
knock next door if you need anything more. Amanda
Oh, we havent seen her yet this morning, I think
Oh, The old man said, looking confused, Oh, well, for what its worth,
enjoy your stay.
Thanks,
See you around,
Okay, thanks He then looked at Cissy and went ahead inside, holding
the bowl of fruits. Cissy went in after him.
Amandas friendly neighbor brought us some fruits, He then placed the
bowl of fruits on the table.
They must care about Amanda so much, Jake said, I mean, she lost her
parents and all
Yeah, theyre probably like her family now,
75
Hi guys, Amanda said, coming in from the back door, holding some
Posies, wearing a long, White flowing dress, her hair flowing on her back,
Goodmorning.
Hey, Jake greeted.
Hi, Dexter said, Your next-door neighbor just gave us some fruits.
Oh, Mr. Quay, She smiled, Hes dear to meBeen like a second father
or somethingHes a really good guy.
Thats great, Jake said, So, whereve you been?
Ohjustaround, Amanda smiled.
I made some Pasta, Amelia said.
Thanks, Meely, you didnt sleep well, did you?
Oh, uhm,
I saw you, last night, you were just tossing and turning.
Sorry,
Its alright,
So, Amanda said, Lets eat?
Faye and her friend and that Daniel guys not around,
Let them be, Amanda said, I think they need to fix things first.
Looks like things like that have an awful lot of fixing to do, Dexter
quipped.
Yeah like you and Cissy Sean muttered under his breath.
Excuse me? Cissy said.
Nothing, Sean said, smiling wryly, Goodmorning. He then went towards
the living room.

***
You really spent the night with her, didnt you? Tanya asked as she
followed Daniel to the boys room and locked the door, What?!
Fine! Daniel said, You wanna hear the truth? I did, He said, But
nothing happened. We just sat next to each other. I let her wear the ring. She
76
returned it to me, You want it? He then took the ring out of his pocket, Thats
yours!
You think I want a ring? That ring? Tanya said, Daniel, I want you. You,
and only you. I gave you two years of my life, and what did I get? Nothing. Your
hearts still with her! With Faye! I thought you wanted to go here because you
wanted to tell her about us? Then now, why does it seem like you only wanted to
be here because you wanted to see her?
Tanya,
Dont even try to deny it, Dan.
He sighed, I justIm sorry, He said, Im confused
Why? Because shes here? Or because you still love her?
He took a deep breath, Tanya, please,
Please what? Stay with you until you sort things out?
I dont know,
Well, I do, Tanya said, I know that I love you, and that I came with you,
for you. And you know what else I know? That for you, its not that way. For you,
its always been her, and it will always be her. And that hurts. But what have you
got with her, Dan, really? This in-between thing? Youre not getting any younger,
and mostly, shes not. So unless you decide what to do, unless you tell yourself
what you really want, nothings gonna happen. Well all just get hurt.
Tanya,
Grow up, Dan, She said, and left the room.

***
Hey, Faye, Amanda said as she saw Faye washing the dishes later that
day, You okay?
Yeah, thanks,
You still love Daniel, dont you?
Faye washed her hands and looked at Faye. She took a deep breath, I
think I always will, She muttered, But its complicatedAlways has been,
probably always will be.
77
Not if you do something, or if he does.
He has Tanya now.
At some point, you all will have to choose.
Faye just took a deep breath and noticed a post-it stuck on the fridge. It
read:
Honesty
Courage
Forgiveness
Passion
Friendship
Peace
Happiness
Acceptance
Freedom
Hope
Love

Whats that? Faye asked Amanda.
Oh, Amanda looked at the post-it note and smiled, Just
somewishesYou know, for Christmas.
Faye smiled a bit, Those are allvalues.
Yeah,
You wanna have those?
See those, feel those, have those, believe in those, Amanda replied,
You know, when people grow old, they forget about the things they should keep
in mind. About the things they should keep safe in their hearts. About life, and
love, friendship, hopeAbout staying child-like, not childish, though, Amanda
78
smiled and went on, We forget about the good things. We concentrate on the
fact thatthat the world is a broken place. That theres no more good left. That
lifes just gonna eat them up. And you know what the funny thing is? They arent
even living. Theyre just going though each day until it ends. Theyre
merelyfloating around. And you know what Ive learned, Faye? That you have
to Live. Live, and not justfool yourself. Tell yourself you want this thing just so
you could please people, when in reality, you want something else. You have to
live.
Sometimes thats not so easy to do,
Yeah, Amanda said, But its never too late to start over.
Faye smiled lightly, sadly, You think youll get those wishes by
Christmas?
Amanda laughed a bit, Why do you think I asked you guys to come
here?
Faye looked at her, confused.
Amanda held her hand, Youll know, Faye, youll know.

***
Hi, Jake said as he saw Amelia later that day. Amelia was at the
combing her hair.
Hey, Amelia said, Just had to take a bath, Ive been too busy with
Kaye
Hey, relax, Jake smiled.
Sorry, Amelia said, Just havent been away from home in a while.
At least you are with your daughter,
Yeah, I really dont know how to be far away from her
I bet, He said, Especially after what happened to your other daughter
He looked at her, Sorry.
She smiled lightly, sadly, So, She said, I recall you saying yesterday
that you broke up withwith your girlfriend?
79
Fiance, actually, Jake smiled sadly, Weve been together since
college.
Oh, Amelia said, It must be hard.
Yeah, He said, Its my fault, though. I mean, both of usbut I guess
what I did wrong was prolong the agony.
What do you mean?
Well, I love her, I really do, He said, Or did. Butshe cheated on me,
Oh, Amelia muttered sadly.
And then I chose to stay with her.
Whats wrong with that?
It ruined us, Jake said, We tried to work on it, but we
justcouldntanymore. I was constantly reminded of what she did. Everytime
Id see an old photo of our old friend, Fred, Id remember that they got together.
That they cheated on me. And sometimessometimes thats just not easy to
take.
But you stayed with her. That must count for something,
Yes, Jake said, But then I met someone.
What?
Her names Jasmine, Jake said, And believe me, I didnt plan anything. I
never wanted to hurt Em. But thenthings happened. And I know I should be the
one in control. That I should know it will hurt. Butbut I was hurt so much
thatthat I didnt even wanna think anymore. And then in the end, Em found out
andand Jasmine also got fed up. And I had to leave, He went on, I mean, not
really leave, since Im still here in Savannah, but you knowstart over.
Start over, Amelia repeated unsurely, Can people really do that?
Yeah, Jake said, I mean, its hard, surebut I believe we all should try.
Even you?
Look, He said, Its actually really hard, He went on, I mean,
Emmashes basically my life. Was my life. And its hard trying to do this life
without her. Believe me, I feel so broken, I have no idea anymore if Im doing
things rightIf I still could make things rightNot between us, but for myself
80
What about the Jasmine girl? Dont you love her?
With Jasmineits different, He said, It was justWe were both lonely.
AndAnd she deserves better. Shes a wonderful girl, and you cant judge her
just because she was with me and all that He went on, I guess we all just
make mistakes.
And you dont regret it?
He looked at her, Well, He took a deep breath, No, He said, I mean,
she was sort of my refuge. She was and I was stupid to mess it all up, He went
on, But if I stayed with her, it would only ruin us both.
And what aboutEmma?
Its different now, He said, I loved her, I did and I thought I wouldnt be
able to move on from that, from us. But the thing is, the more you try to smother
something, the more it goes away.
Amelia took a deep breath and looked ahead.
Hey, Jake said, Look, I know we dont know each other well and all, but
I believe thatThat theres someone out there for you, He looked at her, Trust
me.
She just bit her lip and tried to smile a bit, IuhmI have toIm going
down, maybe Kaye wants to eat. She said.
Oh, Jake said, Yeah, sure, lets.

***

Amelia went to the bedroom and didnt see Kaye there. She went to the
living room, dining room, and everywhere else, but she wasnt there. Amelia
started to get worried.
Faye just got out of her room when she bumped into Amelia.
Did you see Kaye? Amelia asked.
Your daughter? Faye asked, No, why?
I cant find her.
Oh maybe she just walked around the house
81
No, Ive been looking for her
Whats going on? Dexter asked, holding a can of beer.
My daughters not here, Amelia said, Maybe I should call the police
Amelia said, hurriedly making her way to the telephone on the table with
Amandas picture and the Roses on it. She held the receiver to her ear, and
realized that there was no dial tone, What
The house is a dead spot, Jake said.
But I have to find her,
Listen, Jake said, trying to calm her down, Maybe shes just
aroundMaybe
No, no, you dont understand, Amelia said, II dont know what Id do
if
Amelia,
Just then Sean, Amanda and Kaye came inside the house. There were
leaves on Amandas dress, and so with Kayes. They were laughing.
Kaye! Amelia said, pulling Kaye from Sean and hugging her. She knelt
down, Are you okay? Where have you been?
Oh, Sean and Amanda and I were just at the fieldsTheres a vast field
of flowers here and
You brought her with you? Amelia asked Sean.
Yeah, I mean, I just thought shed want to explore a bit, and Amanda
knew this place and
You shouldnt have done that! Amelia said a little too loudly.
Oh, okay, hold up, Sean said, I was just trying to make your daughter
enjoy the place, besides Mandy was with us
Yes, Meely, I just
Do you know how worried I was? Amelia snapped, You cant just do wat
you wanna do all the time, you know? Shes not your daughter
I know, Im sorry, I
Mommy, Kaye said, almost crying. She hugged Amelia, Please dont be
mad
82
No, Amelia said, Were going home. We shouldnt have come here in
the first place. She then went up the stairs with Kaye.
Meel! Amanda called out.
See? Cissy said, giving Sean a scathing look, Thats what happens
when you intrude.
Will you shut up? Sean said, Im sick and tired of you acting like I
trampled on your life, Cecelia. You lost your first love because hes gay, He said,
And maybe you should thank me for that. Sorry if I took him from you, Cissy, but
you should move on. Stop pining for a guy whos no longer in your life and
maybe try to concentrate on what you have, you know? Dexter loves you. And I
dont think he deserves you. Sean then left and went up the stairs.
Dexter looked at Cissy.
Dex,
I think I need some air, Dexter said and went outside, leaving Cissy
alone with Faye.
Faye took a deep breath, So. She muttered, Dinner? She really didnt
know what to say.
Cissy sighed, Whatever, She muttered and they made their way to the
dining room.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Meely, please, dont leave, Amanda said as she came inside the room
with Sean and Jake. Amelia was already packing her and Kayes stuff.
No, We really shouldnt have come here, Amelia said, and zipped up the
luggage. She stood up.
Mommy, Kaye said.
Ill leave if you want to, Sean said.
No, Amelia said, Kaye and I have no business here.
Amelia, please, Jake said. Everyone was surprised, even Amelia. He
held her hand, Look, He said, Were all getting stressed around here. But no
83
one has to leave, Jake went on, Come on. Its Christmas in a few days. Lets
just bury the hatchet.
Are you pertaining to me? Sean said.
To all of us, Jake said. He looked at Amelia again, I know you were
worried. I dont have a kid, but I know you are worried, and
And I promise, it wont happen again, Sean butted in, I just wanted to
have some fun. Clean fun. And your daughters amazing, He smiled, We had
fun picking up Daisies and all those stuff. Amanda was with us.
Im really sorry, Meel, Amanda said, Please.
Stay, will you? Jake asked, Please?
Mommy, please? Kaye asked.
Amelia took a deep breath and sat down on bed. Okay, She said silently.
Okay? Jake asked.
Okay? Kaye smiled.
Yeah, Amelia said, picking up Kaye and letting her sit on her lap, Okay,
She said, But only if youll allow me to come with you when you go to those
fields again.
Sean and Amanda laughed. Kaye hugged Amelia. Jake smiled.
Thank you! Kaye hugged Amelia.
She kissed her on the forehead.
Great! Sean exclaimed, Now could we eat?
Yeah, sure, Amelia said, Ill follow, Kaye, go with them.
Yay! Kaye said, and went out of the room with Sean and Amanda.
Amanda smiled at her before she went out, Thank you, She mouthed. Soon
enough, only Jake and Amelia were left in the room.
Thank you, Jake muttered.
For what?
For staying, He smiled.
She laughed a bit, Okay she said, Yeah, wellKaye seems to like
Sean. And she likes this placeI justworry so much, you know?
I can see,
84
She smiled, I cant afford to lose another daughter, She said, Andand
its hardWhatever happened the past couple of monthsI justI just wish
nothing happens again,
Kayes a strong girl, Jake said, You have to trust her. She needs to
enjoy,
But that was also my mistake with Kayla,
No, He said, I mean, I sure wasnt there butI dont think there was a
mistake. Things just had to happen, He said, And maybe, theres a reason why
youre here now. Maybe theres a reason why were all here now.
You think?
Yeah, Jake said, God, if Faye hears me saying these things, He
laughed, But anyway, I have a good feeling about this Christmas. To think, I just
came because I had nowhere else to beButI believe something goods
coming up.
Yeah, well She said unsurely.
Come on, He said as he held her hand. Their noses grazed, and they
looked at each others eyes.
Amelia backed away a bit, I think we should eat.

***

Sean, Amanda and Kaye arrived at the dining room where Faye and Cissy
were already eating dinner.
I thought that kids leaving, Cissy said.
Well, apparently, Cecelia, some people know how to forgive, Sean said.
Cissy rolled her eyes.
Guys, please, not again, Amanda said.
I should go, Cissy said, I have to look for Dexter.
Just then Amelia and Jake arrived, both looking awkward. Jake moved
back a bit to allow Amelia to come in, and Amelia couldnt look Jake in the eye as
85
she said Thanks. Faye and Sean looked at each other. Cissy looked at them
and at Jake and Amelia as well.
Excuse me, She said and went out.
I uhm. Jake said.
Well Amelia said, Uhm, we should eatYeah, we allshould.
Yes, eat, lets Jake said and Faye laughed, feeling that there was
something going on.
Okay, She said, Eat it is!























86

XVI
. . ., . .,.. ... ..,. |.. ... ~/

Daniel made his way to the backyard again later that evening. He wanted
to talk to Faye and he thought that maybe, shed go there again. Maybe they
could spend the night holding each other, looking at the stars again. Maybe
But then he saw someone. And no, it wasnt Faye. It was Tanya. She was
sitting down on the same bench where he and Faye where last night. He wanted
to go back to the house but Tanya already saw him.
Hey, Daniel said as she looked at him, I was just
I knew youd come. She said, taking a deep breath.
Youwhat?
I knew youd be here, Tanya said, But for Faye. She looked at him, Am
I right?
Tanya, I didnt come here to fight.
You wanted to go here because you were thinking that Faye will be here,
too.
Tanya,
Justtell me the truth.
Daniel took a deep breath, I dont know what to say.
Tanya stood up and went up to Daniel, Do you love me? She asked, Do
you still love me?
Daniel looked at her, Why are you asking me that?
Because I wanna know the truth.
II cant
You cant what? Tell me the truth?
Tanya, its been a crazy few days
87
Did you ever really love me?
He couldnt answer.
Tanya bit her lip and soon enough, tears fell down her face. I loved you,
you know? She said, Still do, She went on, her voice muffled, I just thought
that you know, maybe because weve been at this for a while now,
maybeMaybe youve learned to love me, too. To love me, and not just to keep
me companyMaybe Ive done enough to deserve you
Tanya, its not like that.
Then what is it?
He took a deep breath, I dont know, He said, I guess I still love her.
Tanya laughed sarcastically, Of course you do, She said.
Im sorry,
Because you love her? Or because you have never learned to love me?
You deserve so much better, He muttered.
I know I do.
Tanya, He tried to hold her by the arm.
Dont touch me, She said.
Sorry,
Im sorry I ever loved you. She said and ran back to the house, running.
He sat down on the bench, covered his face with his hands and cried the tears
he had long been fighting.

***
Decembert 22
nd


The next day, Dexter once again received a bowl of fruits from the next
door neighbor. He told him maybe he wanted to see Amanda, but the old man
just gave him a sad, curious smile, and said something like Amanda must be so
glad youre all here, tapped him on the shoulder and went away. As he was
making his way back into the house, he bumped into Cissy.
88
Dexter looked at her with something close to a sneer and decided not to
say anything.
Hey, Cissy said, walking briskly past him to face him, Hey! She
repeated, How long will you still avoid me?
I dont know, Dexter said.
Dont tell me youre angry for whatever Sean has been saying
Im angry because you keep on blaming him, He snapped, Im angry
because youre not honest with me. And Im angry because maybe you have
never been honest. Im angry because you keep living in the past. Im here,
Cissy, but really can you see me?
Cissy was stunned, Dex, I
I think you have a lot of thinking to do, He said, Excuse me.

***
Dexter placed the bowl of fruits on the table while Faye was brewing some
Coffee. Dexter left after a bit and Tanya went inside the kitchen. She and Faye
looked at each other without saying anything.
You never used to drink Coffee, Tanya muttered after a while.
Faye smiled a bit, Yeah, well, Ive beenfor the past three years
nowMaybe I shouldnt, it makes me fidgety and all
We broke up, Tanya said.
Faye didnt know what to say, ImIm sorry, Tanya, I
He loves you.
Tanya,
I dont even know why Im telling you this She said, I justI just dont
know anymore. And then she started crying, the kind of crying that makes your
whole body shake, the kind of crying thats just sad, and sad as hell.
Tanya, Faye said. She didnt know what to do, and she didnt know what
she was doing but she reached out for Tanya, hugged her and soothed her hair,
Im so sorry, Faye said, Im so, so sorry And soon enough, she was crying,
too.
89
***
Amelia found Kaye playing with Jake at the balcony later that morning.
She and Jake looked at each other and then she looked away, and made her
way to the bedroom. Jake followed suit.
Are you avoiding me? He asked good-naturedly.
No, why would I?
Amelia, if its about the almost kiss
She looked at him, Dont even talk about that.
Why not?
Becauseit seems wrong.
He laughed, And why would it be wrong?
I dont know, Amelia said, Youre not Kayes dad.
She loves me, He said, And besides, you and that guy are over. Hes no
longer in your life.
Things just seem so fast,
I know, He said, But whos to say whats right and whats not when it
comes to this?
I justI
You should give yourself a chance, Meely, He said.
She took a deep breath, You just broke up with your fiance. She said,
You may just be sad.
He took a deep breath, Im not. I mean, of course I was, but what I feel for
you doesnt have anything to do with that.
How sure are you?
Meely,
I think you should try to clear things up with yourself first. Andand with
Emmaand Jasmine She said, And maybe I should try to do the same, too.




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What the hell did you do?! Faye asked Daniel who was sitting down on
the bench at the backyard. His eyes were still bloodshot. He was surprised and
stood up, Fayewhat
Why did you break up with her?! Faye said through gritted teeth, She
loves you. She loves you, Dan. She was here when I wasnt around. Just
because Im here now doesnt mean
Doesnt mean what? Daniel snapped back, Doesnt mean that you feel
something? That I feel something? He went on, Then why do you think these
things happened? Why do you think these things keep on happening? Its
because were both cowards, Faye! He said, Were both cowards and because
of that were destroying everything. Everyone.
I never wanted to destroy Tanya, She said, You took advantage of her!
He was crying now, And it will haunt me forever.
Then why are you mad at me?
Im not mad at you, He said, Im not at me. At us. Im mad at this mess.
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Maybe we shouldnt talk anymore,
How long are you gonna run away from this, Faye?
She laughed sarcastically, Like you havent been running away? She
scoffed, Just because you didnt move to Ohio or London or wherever doesnt
mean youre not trying to escape. Youve always been a coward, Daniel. And
now look what happened.
He took a deep breath and tried to muffle the tears, Im so sorry, He said,
I justIm not like you.
Fix this. She said.
How?
I dont know, She was crying, too, I dont know.
And then she ran back to the house, bumping into Amanda in the process.
Amanda called after her, Faye! Amanda said and ran upstairs to where Faye
was staying. She found her sitting down on bed, crying.
Faye,
Everythings so messed up, Faye cried, Were all so messed up. He
shouldnt have broken up with her. He shouldnt have
And then what? Amanda said, Just allow Tanya more humiliation, and
heartbreak? You know that its better to have nothing than settle for less, Faye.
You know that its better to get your heart broken than stay with someone only for
the heck of it. He doesnt love Tanya,
But they were together. We werent really anything.
You didnt used to be obsessed with labels, Faye.
Im not, its just
Sometimes, things happen, Amanda said, Things we cant control.
Things we didnt want to happen, but did. Things we wish we could erase.
Sometimes, we make mistakesMake decisions that in a few years, well look
back and say, I wish I didnt do that. But thats life. She went on, You still have
time, Faye. Lots of it. You still have time to make the decisions youve always
wanted to make, but were too afraid of. You and Daniel, and Tanya, you still
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have time to fix things. To figure things out. To choose what needs to be
chosen.
Someones gonna get hurt either way.
Yeah, Amanda said, But time will heal that pain. Anditll be a brand
new start.
Im so scared, Faye said and burrowed her head on Amandas
shoulders.
I know, Amanda said, But youll be fine. Just trust your heart, Faye. Stop
running away.

***
Later that day, Tanya went walking around, and found Amanda at the
field, picking up some flowers.
Do you always go here? Tanya asked.
Amanda looked at Tanya and smiled, Yeah, She said, Its nice out
here.
I dont think theres anything nice right now,
Amanda smiled and walked up to Tanya, I know it hurts, She said, But
just think of this as a blessing in disguise.
A blessing? Tanya said sarcastically, This?
Tanya, Amanda said, You have to stop lying to yourself. You have to
stop fighting the world, fighting everyone. I know you loved Daniel, She said,
But you dont anymore.
How dare you say that?
Because I can see it in your eyes, Amanda said, You deserve
something better than this.
You just want him and Faye to get back together.
Fayes your bestfriend, Amanda said, Dont you want whats best for
her? Dont you want her to see whats good?
How can Daniel be good for her when hes not for me?
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Thats the thing, Amanda said, You and Danielyou were there for
each other at a time when sadness was around. When you both needed
someone to lean on. And I know he loved you, too. But not in the way loves
supposed to be.
Tanya took a deep breath, and tears were in her eyes, Its so unfair, She
said, Why does Faye have to get everything?
She doesnt have you and Daniel, Amanda said, She doesnt have
everything. And face it, Tanya, you miss her, too. You miss your bestfriend. You
cried to her this morning,
I wasnt thinking,
Maybe, Amanda said, Youve finally been thinking again.
















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December 23
rd


Jake drove and drove. He was thinking about what Amelia has said. About
him clearing up things. He knows he loves Amelia. He cant explain why, but he
does. But he also knows that shes right. That its high time they both face what
theyve been running away from.
He stopped his car in front of a Red-bricked house, one he knows too well,
one he just left a couple of days ago. Jasmines house.
He walked up to the front door, took a deep breath, and knocked. He then
noticed that no one was inside. So he sat down, and waited.

A couple of minutes later, Jasmines car arrived and she went down,
holding some bags of groceries. She was surprised to see Jake.
Jake, She muttered, the wind blowing her hair on her face, Hey.
Hi, Jake stood up, Sorry for just coming, I
Its okay, She said, Sowhats going on?
Can we talk?
She looked at him as if trying to fathom why, Well, She took a deep
breath.
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It wont take long, I promise.
She smiled a bit, sadly, lightly, Yeah, sure, She said, Lets go in.

***
Jasmine was stirring her cup of tea. She drank some and looked at Jake,
So, She said, What can I do for you?
I just wanted to say Im sorry, He said, For everything. You didnt
deserve what I gave you, and what I didnt give
She smiled a bit, Jake,
He reached out for her hand, I dont know what to say. All I know is that I
needed to be here. I needed to see you.
You dont love me anymore, She said, You never did. She said this so
calmly that Jake was confused.
Youre not angry?
Actually, She said, Im glad. Because finally, I got some clarity. You got
some clarity. Face it, Jake, its like, youve been walking in a haze all this time.
Like, whenever youre with me, your mind just drifts somewhere else. I think we
both needed this.
For some reason, this made Jake laugh good-naturedly. So, He said,
How are you?
Could be better, She smiled, Could be worse, though, so Id say Im
good. And you?
Good, He answered, Not that having you out of my life is good, butI
dunnoIve been staying at a friends house for like, three days now, she invited
me and a couple of other friends over for Christmas, and though a lot of issues
have been arising, Id say its been good
And youve met someone?
Waithow did you know?
Jasmine smiled, I can see it in your eyes. Youre in love.
Jasmine,
She laughed, What?
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I cantexplain it.
She smiled and nodded her head, I never saw you that way when you
were with me. Or Emma.
I dont know how it happened, Jake said, I justI guess I just felt it.
Jasmin nodded her head, Have you been to Emmas?
No, not yetI thought Id see you first
She took a deep breath, I think she deserves to hear something from
you, She said as she reached out for his hand, AndIm happy for you, Jake.
Im really sorry, Jas,
Dont, She said, Youre making it sound like my life sucks now.
No, I
She laughed, Its alright, She said, Not alright alright, but itll be. Ill be
fine.
He took a deep breath, Sosothis is it thenGoodbye?
She nodded her head, Ill miss you.
We can still see each other,
No, Jasmin said, We shouldnt. We should start anew. Andand Ill be
leaving soon.
Malaysia?
She shrugged, Yes.
He nodded his head, Im sorry, He said, For everything.
Me too, She said, Goodluck, Jake.
Goodluck, Jas.

***
Jake felt nervous as he arrived in front of the apartment he shared with
Emma. Or did share with Emma. Its been two weeks since hes been there. He
walked slowly up the grassy pavement and knocked on the door. After three
knocks, Emma came out, her hair in a ponytail, wearing a White button-down and
some Denim shorts.
Jake, She said.
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Em,

***

They were at the back porch looking at the surroundings. No one was
speaking for a while until Emma did.
SoYoure here.
He looked at her, I just thought Id have to see you. Talk to you. Stop
running away.
Emma pursed her lips and smiled lightly, Jasmin was here, too.
What? When?
Last week, She said, and took a deep breath, Shes a nice girl, Jake.
Em,
She said she was sorry. But you know what got me? She looked at Jake,
She said I should be sorry, too. That as much as she ruined us, I ruined us, too.
And I wanted to slap her right then and there. Who was she to intrude in our
lives, right? But you know what, Jake? I cant bring myself to do it. Because she
was right, She went on, When IWhen I cheated on you, it was because I
wanted you to give up on me. Because I knew something wasnt right.
But I didnt,
You didnt, She shot back, smiling lightly, And I was plagued by guilt. I
thought, fine, maybe we should try again. Maybe staying with you is the right
choice. And then you met Jasmin, and I wanted to take it all out on you. That
youre not any different than me. She took a deep breath, I realized that maybe
we shouldnt have prolonged it, Jake. Maybe, just maybe, if we broke up long
ago, we couldve healed. Maybe were already healed. But we didnt choose that
path.
Im sorry, He said.
I am too, She said, Sorry I ruined us.
We both did.
Yeah, She said, We all did.
98
He took a deep breath.
She spoke again, You know what else she told me?
What?
That youre not meant for me, She said, And that youre not meant for
her, too.
He took a deep breath, I dont know what to say.
I do, Emma said, Shes right. We all deserve someone whoswhos
right for us. Whos better in a sense thatthat theyre created for us.
Andthats Fred for you?
She shrugged, I still have to find out. She smiled.
He smiled back, Im sorryFor all of it.
Well, She said, At least we now could both get our fresh starts.
He nodded his head, Will you be okay?
Im a tough girl, Jake, She said, You know that.
He laughed, See you?
Well see, She said and kissed him on the forehead, Goodluck, Jake.


***
Amelia stood outside Marvins place. She was hugging herself through her
wool sweater. She left Kaye with Sean and the others at Amandas house. She
waited for someone to open the door, and soon enough, someone did. A woman
with Auburn hair who was wearing a large T-shirt and some short shorts opened
the door.
Hi, The woman said confusedly, obviously not knowing who she was,
Whatcan I do for you?
Carla, whos that? Marvin called from the inside and soon, he made his
way to the door, too, and saw Amelia, Meel,
Hi,
Carla looked at Marvin, Oh, Carla said, Oh, okay She then looked at
Amelia, Come in.
99
***
After a while, Marvin and Amelia were left alone at the living room. Carla
went out, knowing that Marvin and Amelia had to talk.
So, Marvin said, I didnt think youd come here.
I know, She said, Me too.
Silence and then,
Im really sorry, Marvin said, For everything. I didnt mean to just walk
away. Things were justreally crazy, and hard, and I know I shouldnt have just
left butbut I didnt know what to do. I loved you, I know that, but
But you dont anymore?
Im sorry,
Its okay, Amelia said, I dont anymore, either. I justI just want to know
ifif you still love Kaye, because Im willing to let you be a part of her life, as her
dad, but only if you want to be. Kaylas death has affected us all, but
sometimessometimes we forget that Kayes been affected, too. That shes still
here. We still have her,
How is she? Where is she?
At Amandas.
Youre staying there?
Yeah, she invited us over for Christmas, with some other friends of
hersCissy and Dex and Sean are there, too.
How are they?
She smiled lightly, Trying to get along, She said, But failing.
Marvin laughed, and looked at Amelia, Sohow are you?
Good, Amelia said, I cant believe Im saying that, but I am. At least,
getting there. I guess I really just had to do this. See you, I mean.
Im glad you did.
So Amelia said, You andCarlyyou guys are
Yeah, Marvin said, I didnt plan for it to happen, I just met her a few
months ago and we hit it offShes a wonderful, shes justtheres so much joy
in her. And I guess
100
You need that right now, Amelia said, I know. Me too. She took a deep
breath, I actually met someone.
Yeah?
Yeah, She nodded her head, Shes a friend of Amanda, theyre college
friendsI dunno how things happened and I really cant name whats going
onbutyeah, well, She laughed, Goodness, I feel like Im eighteen again.
You know what I mean? Like, Im willing to believe in it all over again. In love. In
life. In dreamsAnd
You havent been feeling that way about me, Marvin said, You stopped
a long time ago. Even before Kayla died.
Im sorry,
Dont be, Marvin said, Between the two of us, its me who has a lot to be
sorry for. I didnt.I didnt deserve you.
She smiled sadly, Maybe in another life?
He laughed, If Im better then, why not?
She smiled, Ill bring Kaye over sometime, will that be good?
Id love to, He said, Thank you, Meel.
See you.













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Amelia came back to the house and found Kaye playing with Sean at the
backyard, they talked for a while and then she knew she had to go find Jake. She
was feeling lighter now, more at peace. She looked for him inside the house but
he wasnt there yet, so she decided to go to her room.
She was sitting on bed, smiling, when she noticed a brown Manila
envelope on the bed. She picked it up and opened it out of curiosity.
She found a bond paper inside, and realized it was a birth certificate.
Amandas birth certificate. What astounded her was the fact that the name listed
as Amandas mom is her mother, Amara. Amelia and Altheas mother. She read
it again, and couldnt believe her eyes. What in the world was going on?

Just then, Jake came inside the room.
Hey, He said as he came up to her and gave her a peck on the cheek.
Hey, She shot back, holding the envelope, How was your day? She
asked.
Great, He said, I finally had some closurewith both of them.
She smiled.
And you? He asked.
I got to see Marvin, She said.
And?
And Im glad I did it. Finally.
Thats good, He said, settling down beside her, So, why the glum face?
She handed him the birth certificate.
102
He took it, read, and was confused, Amandas birth certificate?
Sowhats wrong with this?
She took a deep breath, Amara Evans is my mother.
What?
I justI just dont understand why her name would be on Amandas birth
certificate
Maybe, its another Amara,
No, She said, This is a small town, everyone knows everyone and
Amanda was inside the room, Hi, She muttered, Whats She then
saw the envelope in Jakes hands, Oh. She said, You found it.
I think I shall leave you two alone, Jake said. He tapped Amelia on the
knee and made his way out of the room. Amanda walked up to Amelia and sat
down beside her. She looked at her, You read it?
Amelia nodded her head Im justconfused. Whats my moms name
doing on your birth certificate?
Dont you know? Amanda asked.
Know what?
Amelia, shesshes my mom, too.
What?
She had me a year before you.
But Althea
She took a deep breath, After Althea, your mom and your dad had
problemsIt was tough, and then your mom metmet someone, at a barand
something happened
Amelia looked at her, remembering that once, before, her mom had talked
to her about something that happened in a bar. That she should take caution,
that she should be adept. That she should make sure she wont do things shell
regret.
Amanda went on, Sothat was me, She said, She had me. Andand
your dad, he was beyond mad at first, but he told your mom that they could keep
me. Butbut She said no. She said I was a remnant of a mistake, of a thing that
103
shouldnt have happened. So she gave me awayshe gave me to my parents
who have always longed for a kid. And she started over with your dad. Im sorry I
didnt tell you any sooner, I just
Amelias eyes were now full of tears, II always thought something was
wrongLike how you and I looked a bit alikelike how whenwhen Id invite
you over, mom goes somewhere elseImIm so sorry, She said.
Meel, I should be sorry,
No, Amelia said, Its not your fault, She said, Amanda, you were left
alone.
No, I had parents, She said.
But still
Its okay, Amanda said, holding Amelias hands, Ive accepted it. Things
justhappen. Andand my parents, they really loved me, and we were happy.
Youre not mad?
I found out early, She said, And yes, before, there was a time when I
had all these questions in mindbutin the long run, I knew it was all for the
best. We all deserve our fresh starts, Amelia. Even if people may get hurt, theyll
get over it eventually.
Amelia hugged Amanda, Im so sorry, She said.
Amanda shook her head, Its okay, And she hugged her just as hard.
And in that instant, it felt like everything finally started to make sense, and things
could finally start healing.









104

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Tanya found Daniel inside the guys room later that afternoon. He was
looking out the window. Tanya walked up to him.
He looked at her, Tanya, He said silently. She stood beside him and
stayed silent for a while, just feeling the wind on her face.
Do you love her? She asked.
Tanya, please.
Just answer me, She looked at him, Please. Just answer me as
honestly as you could.
Daniel took a deep breath, Yes, He muttered, Tanya, Im sorry
She took a deep breath, And are you ready to fight for her now?
Tanya, where is this going?
All I need to know is if youre strong enough for her now. Thatthat if I
give you up, give us up, I know I made the right choice. I just wanna know if you
can handle this now. Ifif you can be strong enough for her. Because Im willing
to stay with you if you cantfight for Faye. But Faye? She deserves so much
more from you. She deserves the best from you. She said, All I need to know is
if you can give her that. You have to be brave, Dan, you have to stop running
away. You have to face the truth that you love her. And that.that you and I
I loved you, Tanya, I did, He said, his voice cracking, I justIm so
sorry,
She found herself smiling as tears ran down her face, I love you so
much, She said, But I am letting you go. I shouldve let you go even before
this.
Im so sorry,
105
Do me a favor, Tanya said as she held his hand, Make this right. Make
this right with Faye. Im going to talk to her now, wait for her at the backyard,
please.
Daniel was unsure at first but, Thank you, He muttered.
She kissed him on the forehead, Ill always love you, She said, and
walked away.

***
Tanya found Faye at the front porch, just sitting down while drinking some
coffee.
Hey, She said.
Faye was surprised as she looked up at her, Hey, She muttered.
Tanya sat down beside her and took a deep breath, I set him free, you
know?
Faye looked at her, confused.
Tanya went on, Im sorry, She said, Im so sorry for betraying you.
Youre my friend and I know how much you love him. Its justwith you being
gone, he was the only one I could talk toandand it was all just complicated.
And I love him, I do. And I thought, because you werent around, hed love me
back. But he didnt, She said, He never will. Because he loves you. You and
only you. And you guys would be stupid enough not to grab this chance now.
You belong together. Youre each others missing puzzle piece. You cant run
away from that.
Will you be okay? Faye asked.
Of course, Tanya said, Things will work out.
Im sorry, Faye said, For everything. Youre my bestfriend.
Im the one who should be sorry, Tanya said, You love him, he loves
you, I was supposed to just be a friend. I ruined all of this. And now I have the
chance to make this all right.
Faye smiled lightly, You know what I think? She said.
What?
106
That Amanda knew this had to happen,
Tanya was confused.
I mean, Faye continued, I think she knew we needed to talk. I think she
knew that at some point, we have to clear things up.
Tanya smiled, Yeah, well She took a deep breath, Daniels waiting for
you at the barn.
What?
Just meet him there, She said, Its you who really have to talk. She
smiled.
Thank you, Faye said, Youre a good friend.
And then they hugged, the cold years disappearing behind them.




















107

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Faye found Daniel sitting at the bench on the barn. He stood up as he saw
her.
Faye, He said.
Hey, She smiled lightly, nervously.
They looked at each other for a while without speaking and then, for some
reason, they just found themselves laughing. Laughing, and crying at the same
time.
So, He said.
So She muttered back.
He looked at her, Im sorry, He said, For everything. For not fighting
hard. For being a coward,
We both were,
I was more, He said, taking her hand, I guess I was just so scared of
losing you. Because every time I do, I just dont know how to function anymore.
Whenever I feel like Im losing you, I feelI feel like the whole world has dawned
on me, and its not so easy. But I shouldnt have allowed my fears to eat me up. I
love you, Faye. You, and only you. I shouldnt have allowed this mess to be
here,
Things happen the way theyre meant to, Faye said, Besides, without all
this, we wont be here now, would we?
He smiled, Youve always beenloving. Compassionate. Even
whenwhen the people around you dont deserve it anymore.
108
Maybe thats the point, She said, Maybe, this time, you have to prove
that you do deserve it.
And I will, He shot back. He looked at her.
What? She said.
Thank you, He said, For this.
She smiled, Well She said, Life is short. We gotta do what we gotta
do.
He kissed her on the forehead, Well make it, He said, You and I.
Of course we will, she smiled, Now you, She said, nudging him, have
to find me a great Christmas gift.
He laughed, Like I have a choice?
Shut up! She laughed.
A couple of meters away, by a window upstairs, Tanya was looking at
them. Amanda and Amelia were walking down the stairs and Amanda went up to
Tanya.
You okay? Amanda asked.
Tanya looked at her and smiled a little, Ill be fine, She said.
I know you will, Amanda said, Lets go eat?
Yeah, She smiled, Sure.
And Tanya smiled, even from the inside, because she knew she did the
right thing.










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..., .. ..., . .../ -. ..,

December 24
th


It was Christmas eve. You know how on Christmas eve everyone seems
to be a little happier? How even when things seem to be falling apart, people act
as if theyre celebrating something? That was the vibe at Amandas house. Jake
and Amelia were in charge of the cooking, Amanda, Tanya, Kaye and Sean did
the decorations, While Dexter and Cissy, though they were still on a rift, went to
decorate the tree, while Faye and Daniel also helped out.
When Faye and Daniel went up the stairs, Dexter and Cissy were left
alone by the tree.
How come we never do this at home? Cissy asked, I meandecorating
a tree and all
Let me see Dexter muttered, Well, he looked at her, Because youre
such a grinch and you dont want to?
Cissy smiled sadly, Dex, Im sorry, She said, Not because I dont want
to put up trees and all thatIm sorry for the way Ive been the past couple of
110
daysNo, make that the past couple of years. Im sorry for alwaysfor not
loving you the way youre meant to be loved. Sorry for always looking at the past.
Sorry
Ssh, He said, holding her hand, Im sorry, too, He said, I love you,
Cissy, I just hope you know that.
I do, She said, I love you, too.
Well start over, okay?
She nodded her head and as he hugged her, and then he noticed that
Sean was about to go to the tree, holding some gifts.
I think theres someone you should be talking to,
Cissy then realized that Sean was behind.
Go, Dex told her as he kissed her on the forehead. Cissy took a deep
breath as Sean placed the gifts under the tree.
Hey, Sean muttered.
Hey, Cissy shot back.
Look, Sean said, Im
Im sorry, Cissy said, Im the one who should be sorry.
How do you know thats what Im gonna say? Sean teased.
Cissy laughed, Shut up, She smiled, You have to be thankful its
Christmas or else I wont be doing this.
Sean laughed, I know, He said.
Seriously, Cissy said, Im really sorry. For everything, She said, Sorry I
always blamed you for whatever happened in my life. Im sorry for living in the
past too much. I justI really loved Ferdinand. He was my first love and
And I shouldnt have stolen him from you, Sean said, Cissy, Im really
sorry. Really, He said earnestly, I thought I was doing the right thing. Im sorry I
hurt you. Sorry if it almost caused you your life,
Only because I was toocrazy, Cissy said, I mean, I was blaming you
for everything, Sean. You had your faults, but I wasted so much time trying to
remind you of that. I wasted so much time hating you, when the truth is, its
myself whom I hate. And Im sorry.
111
Oh, cmere, Sean said, opening his arms and motioning for a hug. Cissy
hugged him.
I missed you! Sean said.
I cant believe Im saying this, Cissy said, But I missed you, too.
Wow, Amanda said as she saw them, Is this a Christmas miracle?
Cissy laughed, Yeah, well
Where are Faye and Dan? Amelia asked, Jakes arms around her waist.
Upstairs? Dexter said, Faye! Daniel, He shouted, Come on down, you
two, lets get this party started!

***

So, what is it you wanted to show me? Faye asked Daniel as they went
up to the guys room. She sat down on bed.
Daniel opened the drawer and took out a ring box, Tanya gave this back
to me this morning, He said, She said it belongs to you. That this was yours,
and it always will be, He looked at her, And shes right. He then opened the
box and Faye saw the fairy ring, her fairy ring inside. Daniel knelt down in front of
her.
Dan, what
He took out the ring and held it out for her, I know I screwed up. Bad, He
said, And Id understand if youd say no, but I hope youd not. I hope youd give
me this chance, give us this chance. I hope youd see how much I love you, I
hope youd know that I really do. AndAnd I also hope you know how sorry I am
for almost throwing this all away. I hope you know that everyday without you was
the saddest day I had. Sorry I almost let go. The thing is, Faye, I never wanna let
go. And I love you. I love you so much I dont even have words anymore. I love
you, Faye, will you marry me?
Faye was crying, and laughing at the same time. She then took a deep
breath, The thing about love, She said, is thatit encapsulates you. You try to
fight it, but you cant, She looked at him, I thought Id gotten over you, Dan. I
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thought it was over between us. I thoughtI just imagined it all. But I now realize
that you cant run away from whats real. You cant run away from love. And Imd
tired of running away, Dan. I love you, She said, And I say yes.
Yes?
Say it again and Ill say no,
Daniel laughed. He slid the ring on her finger, I love you, He said and
they kissed. It was magical, Faye thought. Like time was frozen. Like they were
the only people in the world. Like nothing else mattered.
And then they heard Dexter calling from below, Faye! Daniel, come on,
lets get this party started.
And then Faye and Daniel laughed.
Come, Dan said, Well still have lots of tomorrows.
Faye smiled, Right you are. She said.
And then they made their way downstairs, hand in hand.

***

It was, in Fayes mind, the best Christmas ever. There were lots of food on
the table, the gift-giving part made them feel like kids, and everyone seemed to
be happy. Like, the tension of the past few days didnt even exist. As the
celebrations went on, Faye saw Amanda at the back door, about to go out.
Hey, Faye called out, Going somewhere?
Oh, uhm, I just have to besomewhere.
Oh, Faye muttered, Want us to come with you?
No, Amanda said, This time, I have to be alone. She smiled, But
please, go on with the celebrations, Really.
Okay Faye said, Merry Christmas, Mandy.
Merry Christmas, Faye, She said, Im glad you were here. Glad youre
all here.
Me too, Faye smiled.
Bye, Faye, Amanda said.
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See you.
Amanda just smiled and left.





























114
XXIII
,. .. . .. . . .. , . ,. . .
... .. /... ./ ..,

December 25
th


It was Christmas day and Dexter and Cissy laid out a table outside
Amandas house for breakfast. Everyone were outside, except Amanda.
Didnt Amanda come back this morning? Amelia asked.
I dont know Faye muttered, I thought she wouldnt take long
Maybe she was enjoying her night, Sean said playfully, which made
them laugh.
Just then, Amandas neighbor, the old man passed them by.
Hi, he greeted, removing his hat and bowing down in old fashion.
Goodmorning! Faye greeted, Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, He greeted back, Soyoure coming to the cemetery
later?
Cemetery? Dexter asked confusedly, What for? Did anything happen?
The old man looked struck. Arent you gonna visit Amanda? He asked
after a few seconds.
Amanda? Amelia asked, Did Amanda go to the cemetery?
Are you kids playing with me?
What? Faye said, Nowaitthis is getting confusingWhy would we
be going to the cemetery?
The old man took a deep breath, Youve been in her house for 5 days
now and you dont know?
Know what exactly? Tanya asked.
115
The man looked at them for a few and then, Amandas gone.
Yeah, she went out for the night Faye said.
No, shes really gone.
What do you mean, gone? Jake asked.
Amanda, The old man said, Was sick. She had.she had Lymphoma.
She had it for a couple of months. And thenand then she died. Two weeks
ago.
What? Faye said.
Thats not a good joke, Dexter said.
Im not gonna joke about something like that, The old man said, Its
real.
Butbut she was here, Faye said, She was with us, she
She was with you?
Yeah, Dexter said, Thats why whenever you come here, I ask you if
If I wanna wait for Amanda.
Yes.
This is odd,
A car then stopped in front of the house and out came a man in his late
20s, with shaggy hair, wearing a Gray coat.
Youre all here He said as he saw Faye and the rest of the group. He
then saw the old man, Mr. Peakes, He said, Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Gregory, Mr. Peakes said, I think you have something
to say to this lot here He said, I have to go. I may just see you in the
cemetery, He then tapped Gregory on the shoulder and walked away.
Whats going on? Gregory asked, You guys are here and you never
called meOrI dont know, ask Mr. Peakes to call me. You managed all by
yourselves?
Amanda was here. Faye muttered, She was here, she
Shes dead, Gregory said, I dont get it. Why
She was with us, Jake said, And who are you, anyway?
Im Gregory, Gregory said, Amandasboyfriend.
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She went out last night, Faye said, distracted, Didnt she go to your
place?
Faye, Daniel said, holding Faye.
I dont know why youre talking as if shes alive, Gregory said, Shes
been dead for two weeksActually, she left me some letters that she wanted me
to give you guys, but I didnt know you were hereThe letters are in my car,
though, soyeahlaterAnywayI was at the cemetery last night, He said,
Iwanted to spend Christmas with her...
Is this really true? Amelia asked, I mean, I was just talking to her the
other day and
Shes been dead for two weeks. Gregory said, I would never make a
joke out of this. I loved Amanda. Still do. Andand if you want proof, come with
me to the cemetery now. Well visit her grave.
Thats Amelia said.
Mummy, shes dead, Kaye said, She floats, didnt you see that? And
she gets across wallsI thought you all knew.
They all looked at Kaye.
I think we should go, Sean said, To the cemetery. Now.

***

Amanda Carla Mayer
January 16 1985-December 08 2011
Fly in Peace.

Faye and the rest of the group couldnt believe their eyes as they stood in front of
Amandas grave. Amelia knelt down on, touching it. It was as if she couldnt
believe her eyes. She couldnt believe that Amanda was really gone. Soon
enough, Cissy knelt down too, and Dexter followed suit, holding her.
Its impossible, Cissy said, What? What does this mean? Were all going
crazy?
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Cissy, Dexter said.
We saw her, Cissy said, now with tears in her eyes, I talked to her, we
all did.
Amelia took a deep breath, How come we didnt know about this? She
asked, I mean, Im just here, In Savannah, and I didnt know about this? How did
that happen?
She didnt want anyone to know, Gregory said, She wanted everything
to work out peacefully.
How long has she been sick? Tanya asked.
A few months, Gregory said, We found out really late, and she
justShe didnt wanna bother any of you soSo she chose to keep quiet, she
chose to justjust not let anyone know.
But she died! Amelia said, I shouldve known She was crying, as
well.
The funeral was fast, Gregory said, She didnt want her body to stay
here for long, she said she wanted to go in peace. Andand all she ever wanted
was for you guys to come home. To be together again.
Faye took a deep breath, But you shouldve told us.
I didnt know where you were, Gregory said, Andbesides, it all
happened, didnt it? Youre all here.
Was itawful? Tanya asked, Her condition? How was she then?
It was hard, Gregory said, ItHer conditionit progressed rather
quickly andand before we knew it, it was eating her up, weakening her. She
was a fighter, though. She always was butBut for a time, it felt likelike it was
okay for her to happen.
Okay? Jake asked.
Gregory took a deep breath, When her parents died last yearIt wasit
was terrible on her. You all know how close she was to her parents. And then
they diedsoShe sunk into this depression. And sheshe wanted to
justdie, too. But she moved on from it, you know? She did. She tried and she
did. And then the Lymphoma happened Gregory took a deep breath, It was
118
hard. I wanted to marry her, you know? His voice was breaking, I wanted to
marry her but she saidshe said it would be too much. But it didnt matter. I
loved her. I still do.
I dont understand Amelia said, crying.
I think none of us could, Sean said. He then looked at Gregory, What
was shewhat did she wear in hercoffin?
Cissy looked at Sean and Sean just shook his head.
She wore thisthis long White dress, Gregory said. Her favorite.
She always wore a long White dress whenwhen we were at her house.
Sean said, Didnt you guys notice that?
Faye took a deep breath, There was a picture of her on the table
withflanked by those Vases of Roses
White Roses, Gregory said, I placed those there the morning of the 20
th
.
Early morning.
But she kept on going to the fields Tanya said.
She loved the fields, Gregory said, Its her sanctuary.
Thats it, then? Cissy said, Shes dead?! Just like that.
Shes been dead for two weeks. How you could see her, that I cant
explain. Gregory said, and took a deep breath, Maybe I should go to the car
and get the letters she left for you. He then put his hands in his pockets and
walked away. No one spoke, they were all quiet, as if not knowing what to say.
They all just stayed where they were, until Gregory came back.
He was holding an envelope in his hands, She wrote thistwo days
before Before she died, He almost said but cant. He handed it out to Amelia,
I think you should read this. Maybe itll help you understand things better.
Amelia held the envelope and was a bit shaky, Faye, She said, handing
it to Faye, Do it. Icant.
Daniels hand was on Fayes shoulder. She squeezed it before taking the
letter from Amelia. She opened it slowly, her hands shaking and proceeded to
read. Amandas handwriting seemed to be falling apartLike she was in deep
119
pain. And Faye closed her eyes before reading, thinking of her friend who did
everything she could to reach them, even though it seemed too late.
Amelia,Faye, Tanya, Jake, Dex, Cissy, Sean and Daniel,
By the time you get to read this, I might not be around anymore. For that, I am
sorry. I want to see you all, be with you, spend time with you. But the thing with time is
thatYou have no control over it, even if you think you do. Time is precious. And vicious.
You think you have much of it, but the thing is, you dont. You never do.
Before thisthis condition happened, I wanted to give up. My parents died,
youre not aroundI felt alone. And then Gregory made me realize how much I still have.
We always have something, even though we think we dont. And I did everything I could to
livebut this happened.
SoI guess, Im doing this now so I could say goodbye. So I could say what I
want to say. Just in case.
Amelia, If you happen to spend Christmas at home, then by now you already know
that you are my sister. My family. Im sorry I waited this long for you to find out. Im
sorry I have to leave you this way. If you are angry, or sad, or disheartened, then Im sorry.
But please know that Im not angry at you, or our mom. Please know that I love you, and I
only want whats best for you. I know you, Meely, you are strong. Youre a great woman.
And I look up to you. Youre a wonderful mother, and if I have a regret, its that I
didnt get to spend more time with you as your sister, as Kayes aunt. But just think that
Im now your guardian. That Ill be here. Everyday. Looking after you. Be happy, Meel,
120
spend time with people you love, people who really love you. Have fun. Live. Know you can
still start over. You deserve to.
Jake, You have no idea how much Ive missed you. I know we see each other
sometimes, but things have changed. They have, and still will. But know that you will always
be a big part of my life, even after death. You have taught me, and many of us, the value of
happiness. Of taking things as they come. And I want to see that again in you, Jake. I
want you to be happy. Find the one. I know this sounds odd, since you have Emma,
andeverything else, but look in your heart and see what you need to see. Find someone
wholl see you as you, and love you. And I hope by the time you read this, you already have.
Dexter, You are a wonderful person, more than you think you are. And I want you to
believe that. Continue having fun. Continue seeing things wonderfully. But know when to be
serious, and when to take things to the next level. We have to grow, Dex, all of us have.
Cissy and Sean, I am sorry if my invitation have caused more friction in your
relationship, but Id like to believe that as youre reading this now, you have found how
much you love one another. Youre family, Cissy and Sean. Youll always be bound by that.
So love each other. See past the mistakes. Live in the now. See what you can change, and
cant change. Accept each other for who you are, because youre both beautiful human
beings. Remember that,
Daniel, I know you were surprised by my invitation, but I want to believe that it was
for the best. Whatever you choose, listen to your heart to know if it was right. If its whats
right for you. For everyone. We all make mistakes, we all make clouded judgments, but
121
sooner or later, we can always, always try to get back on track, and see where we really left off.
Take care of them. All.
Tanya, Sorry, I know this would be hard for you either way, but know that I only have
your best interests at heart. Know that I care about you, and that I know, in my heart, youll
find the one, and hell find you. Believe in me, as I believe in you. Hell be there, hell take
care of you, youll take care of him, and everything will fit. Andguide Gregory. Through
all this.
AndFaye. I have a big gut feel that youre the one reading this. I dont know
how or why, I just do. Youve always been strong. Stronger than you think you are. You dont
give yourself much credit, you know? You are beautiful, and amazing, and you deserve to be
loved by someone who has enough courage to love you, love you whole. Someone who sees you for
you. Someone who loves you, someone wholl give you not just your fairytale, but your
fairyland. Someone who knows you for YOU. Rough patches may be there, but if you know in
your heart that what youre choosing will make you happy, then know that it will be worth it.
Trust in yourself Faye, because I do. I will miss you. Thank you, for everything.
SoI guess, this is goodbye. I will miss each one of you. Think of me, but not too
often. Think of me, when youre sad, imagine that Im up there, looking down on you,
pressing the buttons up there so things will be better for you. I will miss you all each day,
more than I already do. Know that you are all a part of me, as much as I, hopefully, am
a part of you. Maybe even more. My heart goes out to all of you. You are my family.
122
And if by Christmas, Im not around anymore, please, forgive me. I planned all
of this, but as Ive said, time is justvicious. We just have no idea how it all pans out.
But know this: Know, that in any way, Ill find a way to be there. I dont know how, but I
will.
With this, I say that with Gregory, Im leaving you the house, All of you are welcome
to stay as long as you want. Whenever you want. Again, you are my family.
Merry Christmas, guys. I love you. I will miss you.
Amanda

Faye was crying as she finished reading the letter. Everyone else were
either crying, or standing like they had the biggest shock of their lives. She found
herself not knowing what else to say. It was like Amanda knew they all needed
each other to be here, right now, to find things out. She burrowed her face in
Daniels shoulders and cried, because there was nothing left to do.

***

Moments later, they all decided to go back to the house since it also
seemed that Gregory needed some Alone time with Amanda, however that may
be.
Just remember, Gregory said, That she loves you all so much. All of
you. Andand if you really did see her the past couple of days, maybe its
because she loved you far too much that she spent time with you, eveneven in
that state. Consider yourselves blessed.
Thanks, Gregory, Faye muttered, her eyes heavy, puffy.
Will you be okay? Tanya asked.
Ill get there. We all will. Gregory said, SoIll see you? All of you?
123
Yes, Faye said, Bye, Gregory, have a good life.
You too.
And then they went away.
XXIV
./ .. . . . ,. ..., ... ..., ..
. .. . . . . . . .. /./ . . .. . .
.. . , . .. . .. ., . .../ /. .
. ...

The reality of it all seemed to surface as they got back to the house. The
once fresh White Roses near Amandas photo were now wilted. Amelia took the
photo from the table and held it close. They walked to the dining room quietly.
Cissy stood near the back door, opened it and lit a cigarette. Dexter stood next to
her, silent. Tanya sat down next to Amelia who was holding Amandas photo.
Kaye was sitting on Jakes lap. Daniel was sitting down. Faye, got a pitcher of
water out of the fridge and noticed a post-it note as she closed the fridges door.
It was Amandas post-it note. The one with the words Love, Forgiveness,
Honesty, Friendship, Acceptance, Courage, Freedom, Hope, Happiness. The
one that contained Amandas wishes. She took it off and held it, examining it
closer. She then felt the tears about to rush out of her eyes. But she held them
back. She had something to say.
I think I know now why we kept seeing her, She said as she looked at
her friends. She showed them the post it note.
Cissy walked up to her, Whats that? She asked as Faye handed her the
note.
124
Amandas wishes, Faye said, She wrote
thatwhenwellbeforeWe talked about it once. I even asked her ifif she
thought shed get those
They looked at her.
Dont you get it? Faye asked, with tears in her eyes, We kept seeing her
because we wanted to. She went on, We came here for her. Okay, we may
have other reasons, but mainly, it was because we wanted toto be with her.
And we did. As much as she wanted to be with us, we wanted to see her, too.
We chose to be here. We chose to be with her. We chose to come here. And so
we saw her.
But maybe that means were crazy, Cissy said, Maybe we imagined
it
Cissy, we saw here, Faye said, We may never know how, but we did. It
was real. All those days were real. We saw her becausebecause were meant
to see her. And sheshe had to be here for us. We saw her because those
wishes needed to come true. For us. She went on, When we came here, we
barely knew one another anymore. We hated one another. We hated ourselves.
And then slowly, we opened up.
Honesty, Cissy muttered, looking at the paper, then at Faye,
Thatshonesty.
Yes, Faye smiled slightly, They may be harsh truths, but they were
truths. And slowly, we learned to accept them. Andand forgive each other,
She looked at Tanya and Daniel, with tears in her eyes. She went on, We all
have issuesand we learned to deal with them here. And thenand then we
rekindled our friendship, slowly, yes, but we did. And lovewe learned how to
love again, to open our hearts again, to forgive. We re-learned the value of hope.
And trust
And friendship, Tanya said.
She got what she wanted, Dexter muttered.
No, Faye said, She gave us what we needed.
125
But Cissy said, trying hard not to cry, If we saw her before, maybe we
still couldmaybe weI justMaybe we could say goodbye and
No, Dexter said, holding Cissys hand, I think things happened the way
they were meant to.

XXV
.. ,. . ../ . . ,. . . ,. . .. -..
/...

Hours later, they were all preparing to leave. Faye was at the backyard.
Daniel saw her looking at nothing, and everything at the same time.
Hey, He said, holding her.
Hey, She smiled as she faced him.
He took a deep breath, Ready to leave?
Im staying, She said.
What?
Not coming back to Californiayet, She smiled, Id have to go back
sometime to collect my things but nowIll stay first.
Stay?
I called Pop, She said, I have to stay here, Dan. I have to see my mom.
Fix things. Oryou know, try to. Be with you. Be with all of you.
He smiled and held her hand, You, He said, Are the queen of sudden
impulses.
She laughed, Im just done running away.
He smiled, I know, He said, Me too. Ill probably sell the house in
Charleston and move here. I still have savings so I could find a cheap apartment
here.
126
Im dead broke so Ill probably just stay here.
He laughed, Shut up, He said, Were getting married remember?
I know, She smiled, and they laughed, and then they noticed that Tanya
was there, with her luggage.
Tanya, Faye said.
Hey, Tanya smiled.
Were
No need to explain, Tanya smiled, I justI was just leaving.
But you dont have a car Dan muttered, I can
Dont, Tanya said, Please. I could leave by myself. I want to.
Tanya, were really
Hey, Tanya said, smiling, but feeling the tears rushing out of her eyes,
Group hug? She said, opening her arms.
Faye smiled and ran up to her, and hugged her. Daniel followed suit.
What are your plans? Faye asked Tanya.
Tanya shrugged, I dont know, She said, Ill get back to Charleston
first She looked at Daniel, Believe it or not, I actually grew to love that place,
She laughed lightly, So, well see. Maybe Ill just stay there. Or come back here.
I just need to find me first.
Youll be alright, Faye said.
Tanya smiled, You two take care of each other, okay?
Oh, Tanya, Faye said.
Okay, Im going now, I have to.
Faye nodded her head, Bye, She said.
See you. And with that, they watched her walk away.

***
You okay? Jake asked Amelia as she stood at the balcony outside
Amandas room. She had already packed her, and Kayes things.
Hey, Amelia said as she faced Jake, I just needed some air.
I can bring you home.
127
Come on, my house aint that far.
I know, He said, But it would be goodAnd
No, She said, holding his hand, I think we all need to go home by
ourselves today, She went on, Besides, we still have tomorrow.
He took a deep breath and smiled, wrapping his arms around her.
I still cant believe shes gone. Amelia said, I meanI meanWe were
with her, seeing her, feeling her.
Maybe, Jake said, Some things just happen that way. Maybe were just
meant to live through them, in them, without knowing how, or why. Well never
know. He said, But what matters is, He faced her, What she wished for came
true. Faye was right, She gave us what she needed. And all we can do now is
take care of it. Of one another.
She nodded her head, I love you. She said.
I love you, too. He kissed her on the forehead, knowing it was just the
start of so many good things.

***
So, back to New York, you two, huh? Sean asked Cissy and Dexter as
they were outside Amandas house, waiting for the others to come out.
Uh-huh, Cissy said, And back to LA for you.
I think Ill come back here soon, Sean said, Spend more time with our
parents.
I was thinking about the same thing, Cissy said, smiling.
Ahh, cmere, Sean said, opening his arms for a hug. Cissy hugged him,
and soon, there were tears on her eyes.
God, Sean, Youre the only one who can do this, She laughed and he
did, too.
Finally! Jake boomed as he and Amelia got out, followed by Faye and
Daniel, Some peace between you two!
Ahh, she missed me, Sean joked.
Shut up! Cissy laughed.
128
So Dexter started, This is goodbye then.
Nah, Faye said, Well all see each other again.
Of course we will, Cissy said, Same time, next year?
Same time next year. Faye smiled.
And as the wind blew on their faces, and the leaves of the trees started to
fall, each of them made their way out of the house, and into each of their lives.
Some of them smiled, some of them had tears in their eyes. Knowing that with
this goodbye comes another day, and this goodbye will only lead to more
beginnings.





















129
Epilogue
(1 year after)

Faye
It was a windy December. I am in the car with Daniel, looking at the
scrapbook I am holding. Its pages document the year that was, the year that still
will be.
There were pictures from New Years Eve, with Daniel, in my familys
house. After everything that happened last Christmas, I made a vow to try to
make things right with my family. Im not saying everything is perfect now.
Maybe, it never will be. But things, in a way, are better. My familywould
probably never see me the way I want them to. But thats life, isnt it? You barely
ever get what you want. You barely come of it unscathed. You barely get people
to know you as you, and more often than not, those who do dont stay too long in
our lives. And thats fine. Sooner or later, youll realize theres mostly nothing you
can do about it. So you try your best to move on, be you, be who you wanna be.
There were also pictures from my trip to California with Daniel to meet
Pop. After everything, I now think that Pop is a good man. He may have made
mistakes, but he made it up to me, and no matter how you put it, hes still my
father.
There were photos from the Summer trip with Dexter and Cissy. Cissy and
I have formed a great bond, and are now working together in a foundation that
helps people who have a problem with Self-harm. Since Cissy and I both went
through it, it helps us in dealing with those kids better. We vowed to try to help
make lives better, in our own little way.
Theres also a photo of Tanya in Amandas house. She moved back here
to Georgia, but she comes back to Charleston every once in a while to check
back on her little Flower shop business. She says a part of her will always belong
130
there, the way it belongs here. I stayed in Amandas house for a little while, until
Dan and I got married.
Next to that is Tanyas photo with Gregory. They have formed a special
friendship. Its funny how Amanda seemed to know it would happen. Remember
her letter last year? She asked Tanya to look after Gregory. Tanya, more than
anyone else. In a way, its likeShe wanted them to be together. Maybe she
knew they needed each other. And shes right. Gregory is the rock that Tanya
needed. Tanya was the anchor that Gregory needed, as well. They needed each
other. And everythings working out well.
Theres also a photo of Sean from when he won an award for his
paintings. Hes really, really talented. Next to that were photos of us from that
night, looking happy, partying like crazy.
And then theres a photo of Amelia and Jake, during a picnic with Kaye in
the Hamptons. They look absolutely gorgeous as a family. You cannot deny the
happiness in their eyes.
Next photo is from Dexter and Cissys engagement party. Yes, finally
Dexter asked her to get married. Were all happy for them, and couldnt wait for
the wedding.
And finally, theres a picture of me and Daniel, with all of them, on our
wedding day. We look so happy, so blessed. In this photo, Daniels eyes are
locked onto mine, the same way my eyes are locked into his. Like, nothing else
mattered anymore, and everything that happened only led up to that day. It was,
in every way, the best day of my life.
But who am I kidding?
It may be the best day of my life, but there will be many more. Like the
blank pages of this scrapbook, there are still so many moments waiting to be
filled. Still so many memories waiting to be made.
And that starts today.
Ready? Daniel smiled as we parked the car in front of Amandas house.
It was Christmas once again, and we were all celebrating here. I can see Cissy
131
on the front porch, playing with Kaye, who has grown so much lovelier in the past
year.
I waved and looked at Daniel, Ready. I smiled, and got out of the car.


There were so many things that happened, and as Ive said, so many
more things waiting to happen. Well never know how life will pan out, we can
only hope for the best. And, up to this moment, we still have no idea how the
things that happened last year happened. Well probably never know anymore,
but that doesnt matter.
What matters is this:
Life, no matter how you avoid, will break you. At times, youll feel like
giving up. At times, youll feel stuck. Dead. Broken. It has happened, it will
happen. But no matter what, you have to keep your hope alive. You have to
BELIEVE. You have to get your hope back, little by little. Take some time off, but
never forget who you are, or what you want. Just believe. At times, youll get tired
of it. Of believing, of hope, of life, of it all. But if you plant that seed in your heart,
no matter how much you run from it, sooner or later, youll get it back.
So, yes, all Im trying to say isBELIEVE.

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