BACK TO THE ROBOTS!

A MODEST AND EXCELLENT REVIEW

AMAZING MAP
ROBOTS has the best-est, most authentic and most accurate map ever made. Planet Earth is a bleak
blasted wasteland. Ruined. Not fit for humans. The map captures this feel perfectly. ROBOTS has
the ugliest, most eye-searing, horriblest map ever made. You wish you could un-see it.

But at least its functional. Wait a minute. No it ain’t. Needs a bit of work to bring it up to functional
standard. The hideousness is compounded by the difficulty of distinguishing between Mountain and
Lake terrain. Blue colour “contrasting” with Blue-ish colour. You think the map couldn’t get any
worse. But it has to. Like improving the shade of lip-stick on a pig. You have to deface it even
more. Because you are forced to attack it with colour pencils or markers pens, to get it functional.

IS ROBOTS! IS GOOD.
So, after that introduction, let me say this: I love ROBOTS! Happy I purchased. Genuine fan.

Which might seem strange because I’m going to say a few things that might sound a tad negative.
Like the “ugliest map ever” comment. I admit that wasn’t a compliment. Reviewing ROBOTS goes
way beyond the usual essentials such as components, rules and gameplay. The appeal of ROBOTS
today is as much about frame of mind as it is about the actual game. I have played many vintage
wargames. Makes sense. I too, am vintage. None of them gave me such deep feelings of being in a
‘time capsule’ as ROBOTS. I think that’s because this particular game managed to stop time.
Everything about it—style, tone, language, format – totally preserved the heart and mind of the
eighties. Being reminded of those times is integral to understanding the game today.

COMPONENTS
Now. Components. ROBOTS makes me think about a typical Fantasy Flight Game. Or some
expensive KS I finally received. Something current. You know the sort. Heaps of gorgeous
mastercrafted miniatures. Loads of counters to record absolutely everything. Special dice with
symbols so awesome you don’t mind rolling badly. Artwork so beautiful that you put it on your
phone screen and gaze at it all the time. Box so heavy, you actually do pay attention to your posture
when you lift it. Yeah, that sort of game. ROBOTS makes me THINK of those “brimming with nice
things” games. You know where I’m going with this…

…of course I’m reminded of that sort of thing. Cannot help but THINK about it when you compare.
Because in ROBOTS you get nothing. With ROBOTS, YOU CANNOT HAVE NICE THINGS. I
do recall the original – counters were ok, “futuristic” graphics and actual cardboard; map colours
WERE actually distinguishable. But, of course, now you gotta print it out and create map and
counters yourself. Really makes ya think about how spoilt and decadent we are these days. Now
though, the components are only as good as you can make them.

SUMMARY OF THE GAME

You’ve gritted your teeth and put together a map and made counters. You will regret that you
faithfully reproduced the blank backs of the counters. Then you see that the premise of the game
looks good. The guts of the game is building robots, deciding amongst the various options. Initial
setup is interesting. Placement of your three factory ships gives you plenty to think about. A bit like
choosing where to put your “Dune Harvesters” except there isn’t any spice and there are no Sand
Worms. Sequence makes attacking challenging. You move. Then the other guy attacks before you
get the chance to get a shot off. Between three chassis types (Track, Droid, Hover) and different
weapon components (Gun, Laser, Rocket, Electronic Warfare), you have plenty of decisions to
make. Terrain effects, different ranges, and various weapon strengths, interact nicely to make an
intriguing game. Taking ownership of Resource Hexes fuels your Production, allowing you to build
more or fewer robots each turn.
Look, this isn’t a budget breaker. It’s not like you need to review it first to see if its worth parting
with your hard earned cash. ROBOTS is almost free of charge. If you’re interested, just buy it. I
don’t know how much a couple of coffee’s cost at your end, but the price of ROBOTS should be
about that much. The info on the back of the box is plenty to go by.

REPLAY REPLAY REPLAY

I replayed the word, “replay”. Sorry. Setup is thought provoking but easy. Resource Hexes are semi
random. Factory location varies, due your choices and adjustments based on landing proximity. This
is quite a strength of the game. It is often claimed that game has “hours of replay value”. But in this
case it’s true. ROBOTS has endless replayability. There are so many optional rules and alternate
victory conditions, that I have deliberately LIMITED the options so far.

MAYHEM ENSUES
No front lines. I found this disconcerting at first. My brain was going, “Nooo!” I have played
Eastern Front wargames more than anything else. Keeping a solid front is usually best. Unless
you’re punching through with panzers – always fun. So, brain-cells adapted and accepted that the
map is a chaotic patchwork with neither player having full control of anything. Low unit density
and long weapon ranges mean that ZOCs don’t do much most of the time.
The mayhem is fun. You have callous disregard for robot-life. It doesn’t matter how many casualties
you suffer during inhuman robot-wave attacks. All that matters is holding onto the oil fields and
capturing Moscow, Leningrad and Stalingrad. Er… I mean… keeping Resource Hexes, protecting
your three factories, while destroying his three factories. Status report every turn: situation fluid.

“FAST TO LEARN AND FAST TO PLAY WITH...MINIMUM PAPERWORK”

That is a quote by from the DESIGNER’S NOTES. I think that sums it all up. The verdict depends
on the perspective and space time continuum.
1980s: True.
2020s: Nope. Requires determination and experience. Probably just described you.

WHO’S COUNTER IS THAT?

One of the most entertaining aspects of the game is hidden information. One of the worst aspects of
the game is hidden information. Your opponent doesn’t know whats in a stack. Only the topmost
chassis is displayed. This has a fun side to it. The less fun aspect, is that you flip counters, to show
damage status. A damaged weapon or chassis is flipped. The counters are single sided. The result is
you end up with blank counters all over the place. Often buried somewhere within a stack of your
own units. This can be difficult. The hidden information goes too far – the information is so hidden,
that even the owner can’t remember where everything is; whats damaged, whats intact? It gets
messy. And then the errors happen: “Oops, I meant to check mine, but it was yours. Sorry. Don’t
worry. I put it back. Your surprise ROCKET is still hidden.”

ESSENTIAL
This is just a friendly suggestion. Useful. Upgraded to: ESSENTIAL. Whatever you do… double
side your counters. At least make sure the backs are a different colour for each player. I found the
game almost impossible until I colour coded the backs. Then it was manageable. Otherwise little
accidents will redefine “hidden” information to “mostly hidden” or “somewhat secret”. Not a
problem if both players have eidetic memories.

THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

Actually, we ARE talking about it: RECORDING DAMAGE aka COUNTER FLIPPING.
Unlucky robots are vaporised with a single KABLAMMM! But most of the time, they take
incremental damage, one module at a time. Flip to record damage. Result: LOT of flipped counters.
Successfully completing salvage and repair is tedious, barely cost effective, but gratifying. I didn’t
have a problem with it when I was a teenager. But now I find it bewildering and unmanageable. As
Ripley said in ALIENS, “Did IQ’s drop sharply while I was away?” Maybe a bit. I will definitely
concede that I’m not quick as a whip compared with then (we prefer the term, “methodical.” Ego
protection).
Now I find it difficult. Also, I think the confusion of flipped counters all over the place, precludes
anyone but a seasoned wargamer from playing. There are excellent “gateway” games, such as
SETTLERS OF CATAN and SCYTHE. But ROBOTS! Is not one of them. Ironic, because back in
the eighties it most certainly WAS a gateway game. Recurring theme: today’s tempo is fast and
frenetic. ROBOTS beat is slower, with book-keeping.

THE TURN SEQUENCE THING

The turn sequence is pretty cool. There is a mutual construction and deployment phase. Players
alternate plonking down newly minted robots up to 5 movement points from a factory.
I do see a problem with the turn sequence. I think there is a flaw. But it is is fixable with a few
house rules if it bothers you. Mind you, you could play this a dozen times and not see or notice any
problem. Or just ignore it. Its not a game breaker. I didn’t spot it until my twelfth game. Basically,
one player “B” has an advantage over player “A”.
It turns out that I got a lot of entertainment out of the Counter Flip issue and the Turn Sequence
problem. I put effort into my variant rules – apparently I enjoy torturing my brain by forcing it to
“think”. My goal: speed up the game and find out if a newbie would ever be willing to play.

PENCIL WARS
This also relates to another major feature of ROBOTS that really sets it apart from the Futurama we
live in today. Players have to write lots of stuff down. And I know they meant pencil & paper. In
that game era, no one mapped D&D Catacombs in ballpoint PEN. That archaic reliance on pencils
stretched across all games of that epoch. But, regardless, the fact is that nowadays you never have to
write ANYTHING down. In comparison, ROBOTS could have been called PENCIL WARS. You
write stuff constantly. Its fun. Its like being in a movie where you fall into an old sepia photo and
you’re part of it, IN it, as it all comes to life. Jotting down notes on paper isn’t the key objective of
the game. It just seems that way.

This is interesting. It’s a little bit of time travel. How did people live back then? What did they do?
How did they feel? Interesting, because I WAS around in 1980. I thought I remembered. But
playing ROBOTS made me realise that you don’t fully perceive how things change. Most things
you don’t realise at all. I know times have changed. I know objectively that we must think
differently now than before. But the spirit of the rules, the scrawled record keeping, really bought it
home just how life has transformed. Possible unkind descriptions of mindsets could be:
Slow/Boring/Hard versus Fast/BRAWNDO/Soft. Better? – some things yes, some things no.
Different – for sure. Back then, no one thought, “Oh no. I have to do lots of writing.” “I have to do
this, this and this.” That was just called living. Everything had a larger manual component. More
doing. More effort. But no one noticed. Because that was how things were. Not just games.
Everything in 1980 was less polished and required doing it yourself. I forgot that. Thank you Robot
Time Machine for making me remember. We don’t generally go through life thinking, “what
paradigm am I basing my actions on today.”

BACK WHEN WE WERE DOING THE OLD WAYS IT WAS THE NEW WAYS
One more thing. I keep reflecting on the old ways. Even the TITLE of the game highlights the
VENERABLE nature of the game. “ROBOTS!” is not a fit name for the Digital Age. Predates
ubiquitous computer use. There is a wise reason not to end titles with an exclamation mark these
days. Computers don’t cope with “!”. My Word-like app keeps “correcting” the first letter of the
next word into UPPER CASE. Wrongly assuming I’m starting a new sentence. Which explains why
you see I’ve truncated the game name to “ROBOTS” rather than the emphatic, the dramatic,
“ROBOTS!”. Similar to how computers mandated the name change of every “O’GRADY” to
“OGRADY” to avoid database oblivion.

ZORK
Another, “one more thing”. What does Zork have to do with this game review? A lot. Totally on
track. Read on. If ROBOTS was a computer game, it would be ZORK. Early TEXT (only!)
adventure. Played on mainframes, not PCs. It was “keep your hands and arms inside the car at all
times” breathtakingly intense. Rediscovering ROBOTS is like playing ZORK for the first time in
1980. Initial attempts to play are an agony of ineffective commands. You have to input precise two-
word commands. You can’t, for example, “look through the window”, can’t “see out the window”.
You can “LOOK WINDOW”, and that’s all. However, next room with a view might be, “LOOK
NORTH”. You only discover that after you have uselessly typed fifty word combinations with the
word “WINDOW”.
But ZORK was fun. It was exciting. No, more than that. It was exhilarating. The newness made it
worth it. You barely noticed the shortcomings. It was riveting.

The same can be said for anyone who fell in love with micro games. Probably encountered when a
teenager or college-student. I only passed some subjects because they rounded 49.5% up to the
slimmest mathematically possible “pass” mark. I am still far more enthused about boardgames
than, er, more pragmatic pursuits (Priorities are important. I was playing games when I SHOULD
have been studying. The only change to that statement is, “should have been WORKING).

So, for me, rediscovering ROBOTS has been wonderful. An attempt to revive some of the sheer fun
I had back then. Also for curiosity. Will it still be fun today? Was it really that much fun back then?
Does a lifetime of game playing experience change my perspective?
Yes, yes, and yes.

FIRST TIME OR OLD TIMERS ONLY?

I wonder. I’d love to know if ANY young’uns are beginning their personal journey of board game
obsession with ROBOTS!
I suspect that people who print out ROBOTS also have misty gaming memories from eons ago. To
any young ones, some sage wisdom (anyone under the age of 30 is young to me. I can’t even tell
‘em apart anymore. These days, I can’t even tell if they are boys or girls). If you decide to explore
the arcane world of old school wargames, I’ll be honest and say, “start with something else.” Such
as the time tested “OGRE”. Alternatively, “GRAV ARMOR”. OGRE because Move & Shoot
sequence is simply more fun as a game. Realism? Who cares if hovercraft sprint faster than tank
rounds? It’s a funner that way. GRAV ARMOR because it retains the Opportunity-Fire sequence of
ROBOTS but stays fast paced – a rare achievement in a tactical game. Also a warning: do not play
ROBOTS with an opponent who is prone to Analysis Paralysis. For everyone’s sake.

CONCLUSION
Messing around with this game... IS the game.
Creating counters, tweaking rules, designing scenarios, exploring the options. Good value. Fun.
That special category of fun that for the people who LIKE reading and modifying the rule book.

If you played this back in the 20th Century, throw nostalgia and reminiscence into the mix. My
thoughts started out as just a review of the game that happens to be on the tabletop at the moment.
But the sheer number of decades that passed since I first played ROBOTS inevitably led to deeper
musings than merely the game. Life. Time. Our experiences. The journey.
It’s surprising. The last thing I was expecting from ROBOTS was a metaphysical workout. I reckon
I got two for one. I got a decent game. And secondly, I worm-holed back to 1980.