Fred Arthur Fisher

COMS 5211.50 - Counseling in A Cross-Cultural Society

Week 6 Assignment 1

Some of the most important listening skills are to convey through verbal and nonverbal means that one
understands the client’s experiences, behaviors and feelings. A councilor must also actively attend to what the client
is saying. Responding in an empathetic way is just as important a skill as listening. A councilor must remember to
let the client know you can understand their perspective and provide feedback that helps clients make changes in
their lives which will help them meet their expressed goals. Perhaps most important is to respond to the client that it
is not only okay to have a paroxysm of emotional expression, it is crucial to a healthy emotional response. You must
then listen to that catharsis both actively and in such a way that let’s the client know there is neither shame nor
judgement in expressing their emotion. People go through most of their social interaction suppressing their feelings
because expression of emotion makes others feel uncomfortable. In order to get the client to honestly say what they
might not want to say, they need to know that their councilor will only respond with empathy and understanding.
We must have supportive responses let clients know they are heard and respected. But empathy is not enough. We
must also challenge clients to encourage them to examine their presumptions and consider new perspectives. We can
probe clients to help them consider their situation from all perspectives. This can lead to new insight about their
lives. We can summarize what the client has said to help them integrate those new perspectives.
One of the barriers I have to listening and responding is that, like most men, I want to fix things. And, as an
actor, I want to please everyone. So, I often feel like it is my responsibility to fix everyone’s problems and make
them happy. Little could be less productive in a counseling session. A councilor should empower their client to
make their own discoveries and form their own conclusions. They are not an all-knowing sage dispensing wisdom.
Councilors exist to help clients take control of their own lives, not control the client’s life for them. This also means
that councilors must sometimes say things that the client might not want to hear in order to help them see their
situation clearly and come to an informed decision about what they want. A councilor does not exist to entertain the
client and leave them happy after every session. Nor can a councilor be a client’s friend, though they should be
friendly. They must establish clear boundaries so to avoid transference and counter transference. It is not enough to
simply have a friendly chat with a client. A councilor must have a plan which will empower the client to reach their
goals.
I cannot solve the client’s problems. I can help the client develop strategies to recognize problems and remove those
that stand in the way of their progress. I cannot change the client. I can help the client make their own changes they
want to see in their lives.
And I have to remind myself of that over and over again. Because knowing I can’t solve the world’s problems
doesn’t mean I don’t still feel like I have to. That’s a problem which stand in the way of changes I want.
I should probably see a councilor about that.