June

24th
THE TRULY EDUCATED AREN’T QUARRELSOME

“The beautiful and good person neither fights with anyone nor, as much as they are able, permits
others to fight . . . this is the meaning of getting an education—learning what is your own affair
and what is not. If a person carries themselves so, where is there any room for fighting?”
—EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 4.5.1; 7b–8a

S ocrates famously traveled around Athens, approaching the people he disagreed with most, and
engaging them in long discussions. In these discussions—or what record we have of them—there are
many examples of his conversation mates getting exasperated, upset, or aggravated by his many questions.
Indeed, the people of Athens eventually got so upset, they sentenced Socrates to death.
But Socrates never seemed to get upset himself. Even when talking about matters of life and death, he
always kept his cool. He was much more interested in hearing what the other person had to say than
making sure he was heard or—as most of us insist upon—winning the argument.
The next time you face a political dispute or a personal disagreement, ask yourself: Is there any
reason to fight about this? Is arguing going to help solve anything? Would an educated or wise person
really be as quarrelsome as you might initially be inclined to be? Or would they take a breath, relax, and
resist the temptation for conflict? Just think of what you could accomplish—and how much better you
would feel—if you could conquer the need to fight and win every tiny little thing.
 June 25th
THE WISE DON’T HAVE “PROBLEMS”

“This is why we say that nothing happens to the wise person contrary to their expectations.”
—SENECA, ON TRANQUILITY OF M IND, 13.3b

H esiod, the poet, said that “the best treasure is a sparing tongue.” Robert Greene considers it a law of
power: Always Say Less Than Necessary.
We talk because we think it’s helping, whereas in reality it’s making things hard for us. If our spouse is
venting, we want to tell them what they should do. In fact, all they actually want us to do is hear them. In
other situations, the world is trying to give us feedback or input, but we try to talk ourselves out of the
problem—only to make it worse.
So today, will you be part of the problem or part of the solution? Will you hear the wisdom of the
world or drown it out with more noise?
 June 26th
TRY THE OPPOSITE

“What assistance can we find in the fight against habit? Try the opposite!”
—EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 1.27.4

V iktor Frankl, the brilliant psychologist and Holocaust survivor, cured patients suffering from phobias
or neurotic habits using a method he called “paradoxical intention.” Let’s say a patient couldn’t
sleep. The standard therapy would have been something obvious, like relaxation techniques. Frankl
instead encouraged the patient to try not to fall asleep. He found that shifting focus off the problem
deflected the patient’s obsessive attention away from it and allowed them to eventually sleep normally.
Fans of the TV show Seinfeld might remember an episode called “The Opposite” where George
Costanza magically improves his life by doing the opposite of whatever he’d normally do. “If every
instinct you have is wrong,” Jerry says to him, “then the opposite would have to be right.” The larger
point is that sometimes our instincts or habits get stuck in a bad pattern that pushes us further from our
natural, healthy selves.
Now you shouldn’t immediately toss out everything in your life—some stuff is working (you’re
reading this book!). But what if you explored opposites today? What if you broke the pattern?
 June 27th
ADVERSITY REVEALS

“How does it help, my husband, to make misfortune heavier by complaining about it? This is
more fit for a king—to seize your adversities head on. The more precarious his situation, the
more imminent his fall from power, the more firmly he should be resolved to stand and fight. It
isn’t manly to retreat from fortune.”
—SENECA, OEDIPUS, 80

A s the CEO of Charles Schwab, Walt Bettinger hires hundreds of people each year and interviews
hundreds more. Over his lifetime, we can safely assume he’s had his share of hits, misses, and
surprises when it comes to bringing people on board. But consider one technique he’s used as he’s gotten
older: he takes a candidate to breakfast and asks the restaurant’s manager to purposely mess up the
candidate’s breakfast order.
He’s testing to see how they react. Do they get upset? Do they act rudely? Do they let this little event
spoil the meeting? Do they handle the inconvenience with grace and kindness?
How you handle even minor adversity might seem like nothing, but, in fact, it reveals everything.
 June 28th
NO SELF-FLAGELLATION NEEDED

“Philosophy calls for simple living, but not for penance—it’s quite possible to be simple without
being crude.”
—SENECA, M ORAL LETTERS, 5.5

M arcus’s meditations are filled with self-criticism and so are the writings of other Stoics. It’s
important to remember, however, that that’s as far as it goes. There was no self-flagellation, no
paying penance, no self-esteem issues from guilt or self-loathing. You never hear them call themselves
worthless pieces of crap, nor do they ever starve or cut themselves as punishment. Their self-criticism is
constructive.
Laying into yourself, unduly depriving yourself, punishing yourself—that’s self-flagellation, not self-
improvement.
No need to be too hard on yourself. Hold yourself to a higher standard but not an impossible one. And
forgive yourself if and when you slip up.