DEVELOPING EXCELLENCE IN YOURSELF AND OTHERS

BY

PAT. OSA. OVIASUYI, (Ph. D., MNIM) DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC ADMINISTRATION FACULTY OF MANAGEMENT SCIENCES AMBROSE ALLI UNIVERSITY P. M. B. 14, EKPOMA EDO STATE, NIGERIA

GSM: +2348033820158 +2348055850019 E-mail: poviasuyi@yahoo.com

Abstract
Success in life is dependent upon how an individual handles the issues of life from infancy through maturity to the declining stage. In other words, whatever you give to life is what you get in return. Your ability to develop excellence in yourself successfully will lead to your managing others successfully as well. This paper attempts to guide individuals on how they can manage themselves and others for effective performance. The paper started with the introduction, meaning of what developing excellence in yourself is was explained, the concepts of self-awareness, self-confidence, self-regulation, managing worry and anxiety, empathy for others and managing yourself for excellence were discussed. The useful tips for managing yourself were articulated. The paper concludes that you can be whatever you want to be in life, if only you know what you want to be, and you are focused, persistent, articulate and committed to achieving your dream.

Introduction
Today, most of us feel tremendously pressured to accomplish more and to do it excellently. To succeed in today's fast paced and changing world, we must develop ourselves effectively. Working harder doesn't work; we must work smarter. Most of us have learned poor self-management skills. Some, confusing excellence and perfection, set unattainable standards and drive themselves with nit-picking and criticism. Others procrastinate until anxiety levels are so high that fear propels them to perform. management are sub-optimal and make work uninteresting. Clearly, such styles of Major change is difficult.

Unexpected change is even more difficult. There are possibilities for navigating change more effectively. Generally, this can be achieved through building self-esteem and self-confidence in yourself and others, creating a climate of trust and belief, managing by positive expectations, empowering each person you work with or meet to peak performance, building a top team of motivated people, and unlocking the full potential of every employee. (McCarty, 2010).

What Developing Excellence in Yourself Means

There are so many different definitions of managing yourself and self-management. Indeed are they different? What do you think they mean? What tools have you found which work for you? Share them with others. Do you enjoy working with your colleagues? Do you ever feel that your job would be so much easier if your coworkers just did their job? (Tucker, 2009). Good working relationships must be built and maintained by colleagues in order to be effective in their career, as we need the support of others to get our job done. Despite the

time required to build such relationships, they can be quickly and easily destroyed by our actions. At work we want to be respected and someone with whom it is easy to work.

Respect is gained by always being consistent, fair, and equitable in all our interactions with people, no matter what their position or title may be. Always care about each person as the unique and special individual he or she is. Effectively managing yourself so that others will want to work with you requires self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy for coworkers as discussed hereunder:

Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is an understanding of your strengths, weaknesses, needs, and motivators. People with strong self-awareness are neither overtly critical nor unrealistically hopeful. They are honest with themselves and others. People with self-awareness recognize how their feelings affect them, other people, and their job performance. They have a firm

grasp of their capabilities and strengths and are less likely to set themselves up to fail because they are self-confident and have good self-esteem. (McCarthy, 2010).

Self-esteem is a realistic, appreciative opinion of oneself. Realistic means you deal in the truth, accurately and honestly understanding your strengths and weaknesses. Having an appreciative understanding of oneself suggests that you feel good about and are at peace with the person you are. Low self-esteem can lead to a prejudice against yourself. When you are prejudiced against yourself, you are guilty of distorting or ignoring information that disputes your skewed perception of yourself. To strengthen your self-esteem, bury your internal belief that makes negative predictions about your success and biases your expectations. Every time you hear negative internal talk, picture a friendly posture coming along, to replace it with affirmations that are positive and affirming. Other methods for improving your self-esteem include: Asking others to identify your strengths; Laughing at your weaknesses (because no one is perfect); Putting your failures in perspective, as they allow you to learn and grow; Finding someone who needs your assistance and offering to help them; Taking on a challenge to stretch yourself; Getting comfortable with compliments and accepting praise; and Focusing your mental chatter on the positive aspects of your experiences. (McCarthy, 2010).

Self-Awareness leads to the development of Self-Confidence

People who lack self-confidence are apprehensive, frustrated, resentful, and often demoralized. To improve your self-confidence, ask yourself: "How would I behave if I were really confident?" or "How would a confident person I know handle this?" Just adopting the

behavior of self-confidence will help you feel more confident. Do not keep admonishing yourself for failures; rather, reward yourself for successes. Learn from your mistakes and move on. People with high self-esteem and self-confidence are assertive and not aggressive, which builds rather than destroys good working relationships. Being assertive means, being fair to yourself and to others. Assertiveness is based on the idea that your needs, wants, and feelings are as important as those of other people. Aggressive people impinge on others

needs and feelings, such as not giving others credit and not listening to and not respecting them. An assertive person knows how to balance aggression and passivity. If you are too passive in making claims for yourself, you will not get what you want and deserve, and you will be unfair to yourself. On the other hand, if you are too aggressive, you will be unfair to others. Determine exactly what you want and believe you have the same rights as others to achieve that goal. If you are criticized, accept the criticism if it is valid, but refuse to be labeled by it. If you are making a complaint, focus on the behaviour that is causing the problem, not the character of the person. When asked to do something, do not yield to the pressure to say "yes" to something that is against your better judgment. Know your priorities, how you want to spend your time, and then decide whether you sincerely want to say "yes." Assertive people do not seek

control but cooperation by examining situations from the other persons point of view. Assertive people build trust in their relationships by saying sincerely how they feel and by showing that they believe what other people say. An understanding of your true motivation is important to self-awareness. Do you have a true passion for your job, seek out challenges, love to learn, take great pride in a job well done, possess unflagging energy to do things better, persist with your questions about why things are done one way rather than another, and

eagerly explore new approaches to doing your work? Interestingly, people with high motivation remain optimistic when the odds are against them. (Benton, 2010).

Self-Regulation
Self-regulation means handling your emotions so you do not destroy your working relationships with emotional outbursts. People want to work with people who are reasonably consistent and dependable in their interactions with them. Handling your emotions constructively enhances your integrity and trust. People who have mastered their emotions

can cope with change. For example, when a new programme is announced, they do not panic; instead, they suspend judgment, seek further information, and listen to the explanations for the change. The landscape of emotions and feelings is more varied than any on earth, and the roads through it twist and turn like no other highway. Emotions should be acknowledged, not condemned or denied. The key to constructively handling your emotions is to consciously

pause when you feel yourself becoming emotional and ask yourself, "What is my best response in these circumstances" rather than issuing an automatic response. For example, instead of sending a scathing response to an e-mail containing an unfair accusation, wait 24 hours before responding or talk directly with the person who made the accusation. You

might feel quite differently after some time has passed, and you will avoid destroying your relationship. Instead of blaming your boss for not seeking your input on a change, pause and think about whether you missed a staff meeting where your boss did ask for input, or see if you could provide some input anyway. Instead of feeling unhappy about not being included in a group activity, pause and ask yourself if you handle yourself in such a way that others want to include you or whether it was just an honest oversight.

Self-regulation is the propensity for reflection and thoughtfulness. unpalatable alternatives, people often panic and respond emotionally.

Faced by

They see fewer

possibilities or feel more trapped than they would if they kept calm, paused, and consciously chose their best response. Learn to manage worry and anxiety, which can make you feel confused, apprehensive, out of control, and overwhelmed. (White, 2006).

Managing Worry and Anxiety

Assess the importance of what you are worrying about. Will it matter tomorrow, next week, or in 100 years? Resist inventing new things to worry about. Deal with situations as they develop instead of wasting mental energy on worries ahead of time. Another way to

deal with worry and anxiety is to take action, even if it is just making a list or developing an action plan. The act of writing things down helps you stop the mental chatter. Be aware of your attitudes that are creating internal pressure. Do not tell yourself "I have to get this done" but say "I will do as much as I can in the time allowed." help" but say "Everyone asks for help sometimes. that person would reciprocate." Do not say "I should not ask for

I would happily help someone else and

Do not say "Others cope far better than I do" but say

"Everyone is susceptible to stress, so I am not alone in this." (White, 2006).

Empathy for others

Having empathy means thoughtfully considering other peoples feelings and their emotional makeup when interacting with them. Empathy also includes the ability to read

peoples reactions and see things from their perspective, which fosters a team approach to work. Connecting with others makes work more meaningful. Empathy comes from

sincerely caring about and listening to other people.

Empathy leaves people feeling

understood and cared for. When people feel good, they do their best at work. Feeling good 7

promotes mental efficiency, making people better at understanding information and making complex judgments. One way you might use empathy is in effectively mentoring, teaching, or serving as a reservoir of knowledge to your subordinates. Assess where each person is and try to take people as far as you can, given the time you have with them. Do not expect them to have the knowledge, skills, and abilities you have, even at the end of your time together. You have

developed your skills over a number of years, and they will, too, in time. It is important to also assist them in strengthening their self-esteem and self-confidence so they are prepared to tackle the challenges their career will present and to help them develop and maintain good working relationships of their own. (Fashp, 2010).

Managing Yourself for Excellence

Set Compelling Goals: Good self-managers set compelling goals - those that draw you towards it like a magnet does. Making action plans with "doing" steps for accomplishing them is essential. Good self-managers don't wait passively for others to notice their successes; they maintain high motivation with self-rewards instead. In setting compelling goals, adopt the following techniques: Think Powerfully: Self-management is not limited to actions; it also applies to thoughts and feelings. While poor self-managers create stress by carrying problems with them, good self-managers put a stop to destructive ruminations by altering the way they think. They think powerfully by defining problems as challenges, failures as learning, and disappointing situations as opportunities to practice coping skills.

Break Your Inertia: Managing yourself is not a matter of will power. It is an array of simple but effective techniques for boosting motivation and increasing productivity. The first step is the hardest. Inertia must be broken to get yourself into motion and to keep moving. Brainstorming, maps, small steps, leveraging and want lists are techniques you can use to break your inertia and move into action.

Develop "Seeking" Motivation:

Not all motivation is equal. Sometimes you work

to avoid negative situations and other times you seek positives. Avoidance of motivation is insidious and can sabotage doing what you want to do. Goal setting and envisioning are powerful tools for developing seeking motivation.

Rewrite Mental Software:

In some ways you are like a computer. Your body is the

hardware (the machine), and thoughts (the way you talk to yourself) are the software. Just as the computer changes the way it performs when the software changes, so, too, you feel and act differently when mental software is changed. Thought-stopping, detached

concern, mindfulness, and humor are tools for rewriting mental software. (Jauncey, 2008).

Top Tips on Developing Yourself

(1) Manage your energy: Eat properly, get enough sleep, and learn to say no when

necessary, find out when in the day you operate at your peak; (2) Know yourself: Know what you like and dislike and why, biases, what your development areas are, how you learn, your role in a team, your

strengths and

underlying personality;

(3)

Like yourself: Know what's good about you and what you value, like yourself

for what you are, if you are a perfectionist - be gentle with yourself;

(4)

Manage your emotions:

Find ways of venting or letting off steam, choose your

moments, learn to be assertive rather than aggressive;

(5)

Seek out positive models or images: Find positive role models or things you can

relate to, draw parallels, visualize yourself in a winning situation;

(6)

Step out of the comfort zone:

You grow more and develop better when you are

exposed to situations you have not experienced or which you perceive as challenging;

(7)

Balance your work and life:

Do you work to live or live to work? What are your

priorities?;

(8)

Manage your time:

Draw up assignment and priority list always, and

(9)

Remember that: It is easier to change yourself than to change others; Try something new and if it works, keep doing it; Encourage others by your example; Believe in yourself even when no-one else does; Do not look back in anger, or forward in fear, but around in awareness. (Brain, 2005).

Conclusion
From the foregoing, it is my submission that success in life is dependent upon how an individual handles the issues of life from infancy through maturity to the declining stage. In other words, whatever you give to life is what you get in return. Your ability to manage yourself successfully will lead to your managing others successfully as well. In attempt to properly

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organize this work, the paper started with the introduction, meaning of what managing yourself is was explained, the concepts of self-awareness, self-confidence, self-regulation, managing worry and anxiety, empathy for others and managing yourself for excellence were discussed. The useful tips for managing yourself were articulated. Finally, it is my candid opinion that you can be whatever you want to be in life, if only you know what you want to be, and you are focused, persistent, articulate and committed to achieving your dream.

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REFERENCES
Andrews, M. C. (2010), Managing Yourself and Others: Harvard College Students, http://www.summer.harvard.edu/2010/courses/32601.jsp, retrieved 12/03/2011. on

Benton, D. A. The Human Challenge: Managing Yourself and Others in Organizations, http://www.copyright.net.au/details.php?id=9, retrieved on 20/02/2011. Brian, T. (2005), Managing Yourself and Others for Peak Performance http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/managing-yourself-others-for/id335521246? i=335521293, retrieved on 12/03/2011. Fashp, M. S. (2010), Managing Yourself So Others Want To Work With You http://www.careerpharm.com/ManagingYourself.aspx, retrieved 04/03/2011. Jauncey, P. (2008), Managing Yourself and Others http://www.amazon.com/Human-Challenge-Managing-YourselfOrganizations/dp/0130859559, retrieved on 20/02/2011. McCarthy, A. M. (2010), Managing Yourself and http://www.amazon.com/Human-Challenge-Managing-YourselfOrganizations/dp/0130859559, retrieved on 23/10/2010. Tucker, M. L. (2009), The Human Challenge: Managing Yourself and Others in Organizations, 7th Edition, CA: Mountain View. White, S. J. (2006), Empathy for Others http://www.careerpharm.com/ManagingYourself.aspx, 04/03/2011. retrieved on Others on

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