Aspire

leadership

Thoughts on Influencing

“Character may almost be called the

most effective means of persuasion”
Aristotle

e-mail: info@aspire-leadership.co.uk

© Aspire Leadership 2014

Aspire Leadership 18 Leather Lane London EC1N 7SU
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Influencing
In the modern workplace most of us are expected to be able to influence others
in some way shape or form.
We all influence and are influenced all the time, sometimes consciously and
sometimes unconsciously, directly or indirectly, by many different things and in
many different ways.
There is no one way of influencing that is guaranteed to work all the time, with
everyone. Since we’re all different and have a unique set of experiences,
characteristics, values and beliefs, we all respond differently to influencing
factors. This is the intrinsic beauty of human beings.
Human beings are also creatures of pattern. So when we set out to influence we
tend to use the same way for everyone and every situation, with minor
variations – and why wouldn’t we? Those techniques probably work for us most
of the time.
It’s when our normal pattern of influencing doesn’t work that frustration sets in.
And it’s then we need flexibility in our influencing style, with some self-
awareness, awareness of others, and a couple of useful tools and techniques in
our back pockets to get us unstuck.

In this document we’re going to explore some of the theories, tools and
techniques that you might need if you want to hone your influencing prowess.
There are lots of different ideas, some of which you may already be aware of
and using and others that you might want to try.
If you read something and think ‘I’d never do that’ then don’t try it. It’s
important when influencing to be authentic and comfortable so try to find things
that you think will suit your natural style.
It’s not about changing who you are – it’s about changing what you do to
achieve something that is a more accurate reflection of who you are in the
world.
So true influencing skills help you to be more authentic not less.

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Self-Awareness
To be successful at influencing someone you first need awareness of your
patterns, their reactions and other influencing factors around you and them.
If you know what works for you when you’re influencing successfully, you can
consciously choose to use more of it.
If you know what doesn’t work for a particular person or situation then you can
choose to flex your style. You can start to experiment with different tools and
techniques till you find one that works for you, the other person and the
situation.
So before we start to explore theories of influencing take a moment to think
about these simple questions:
When did you last successfully influence someone?
How did you do it?
Were they aware that you were trying to influence them?
When did someone last successfully influence you?
How did they do it?
Now think of a time when you tried to influence someone or they tried to
influence you and it didn’t work. Why not?

Influencing Style
There is no limit to what a man can do or where he can go
if he doesn't mind who gets the credit.
Benjamin Jowett
This quote has been attributed to many famous people over the years because it
has been so widely used and it seems to resonate with so many people.
Well, there’s more than one way to skin a cat!
Are you the sort of person who likes to be up front, a leader influencing visibly or
do you prefer to work quietly behind the scenes to achieve your end?
Do you like to influence large groups, small teams or one-on-one?
Are you a lone ranger when it comes to influence, running against the tide or
playing devil’s advocate?
Take a look at the people you know who are good influencers.
Do they use just one way of influencing or do they flex their style?

Conscious and unconscious

Most of the time when we talk about influencing we mean conscious influencing,
where we purposely set out to change the way someone perceives or interacts
with the world.

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Some of the most effective influencing we do can be completely unconscious. A

role model is a great example of someone who unconsciously influences others.
Most of us have role models that we’ve never even met and they can be really
powerful influences on our lives.
If you’re living your values and acting with integrity then chances are you’ll be
influencing others unconsciously by your behaviour.

Influencing and Manipulation

We’re often asked ‘Isn’t influencing just another word for manipulation?’
Well, they have a lot in common.
Both involve trying to get someone else to do, think or say something that you
want them to do, think or say.
Both involve applying some sort of pressure.
There are lots of different words to describe the art of getting other people to do
what you want them to do. And there’s a whole spectrum of behaviour from
bullying through to ineffective.
Bullying, manipulation, coercion and other negative behaviours on that spectrum
usually involve the other person being unwilling or being taken advantage of in
some way.
Influencing is fairer and more responsive. It requires you to be aware of and to
acknowledge the other person’s needs and their world – what’s going on for
them.
It’s about changing things without pushing or forcing others to do what you
want.
Influencing requires you to use your interpersonal communication skills so that
the other person feels that it’s their decision rather than yours.
Trying to impose your views on others isn’t influencing and, what’s more, it’s
unlikely to work in the long term.

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Active Listening
If you want to successfully influence someone then you might want to practice
the old saying:
Two ears, one mouth – use in proportion
Listening is one of the most important influencing tools at your disposal.
If you’re having difficulty influencing someone then zipping your lip and opening
your ears is a good way to start to make progress.

Aristotle’s Theory
Two and a half thousand years ago Aristotle had a theory that if you wanted to
persuade someone of something there were three things you had to address -
logos, pathos and ethos.
In other words, logic, emotion and ethics.
And here when we talk about ethics we mean it in the broadest sense,
addressing the values of your influencing target.
Most people understand the logic bit and spend much effort on that one aspect
of their argument. We see it time and again in our Presentation Skills training –
people focusing on the logical points of their presentation and paying little if any
attention to the emotional or ethical context of their audience.
But you ignore those aspects at your peril.
Often when people don’t respond to a logical argument for a particular point of
view it’s because there is an emotional or ethical barrier. Until you uncover that
your logic, however beautiful, will fall on deaf ears.
There are newer and more comprehensive theories of influencing and a library
full of books on the subject, but most agree that the triangle of head, heart and
gut is a pretty good starting point.

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Cialdini’s Theory
Robert Cialdini’s theory of influencing focuses on six elements of influencing:

Reciprocity
Much modern marketing relies on the compulsion people feel to return a
favour. It’s not just about selling things though. Reciprocity works on a
personal, business and national level.
Even in an argument, if you agree with something the other person says
they will feel the pressure to agree with something you say too!

Authority
This is where knowledge and experience sit. If you have recognised
expertise in a particular area then you are more likely to be able to
influence others to think as you do.
People tend to obey figures of authority, even if they are asked to do
outrageous things.
If you speak with authority or have symbols of authority people are more
likely to be influenced by you. Put a white coat on in a hospital and people
will obey even the silliest commands. (Not that we’re suggesting you try
it!)

Scarcity
Perceived scarcity will encourage demand. For example, saying offers are
available for a ‘limited time only’ or that something is ‘exclusive’ or
‘unique’ will increase its attractiveness.

Commitment and Consistency

If someone makes a commitment – verbally or in writing to an idea or a
goal, they are more likely to honour that commitment. Even if
circumstances change they will continue to try to honour that
commitment.

Social Proof
People will do things that they see other people doing. This is where peer
pressure and group hysteria sit and we all know how powerful they can be.
Try stopping and staring at something in the street and you will see social
proof in action as others stop to see what you’re looking at.

Liking
People are more likely to be influenced by people they like or that they
find attractive.
Think about it for a moment. If two people ask you to help them and you
like one and don’t like the other, who are you more likely to help?
So a hugely important part of influencing is taking time to build
relationships.

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Their World
We all see the world differently and what’s more we all think our way of seeing
the world is the one, true way.
Before you can begin to try to make someone see the world the way you see it,
you really need to understand how they see the world, what they think is
important, what’s going on for them and why they feel or act the way they do.
Step into their shoes and think about the pressures they may be facing, their
likes and dislikes, who they listen to and who they don’t, how they like to work,
how they are motivated, what their values are.
Buried in all that may well be the key that opens the door to influencing them.
If you can’t see the world the way they see it then you can’t build a bridge from
there to your world. And if you can’t build that bridge then how can you expect
them to?

In practice
We were visiting Bath and parked in the hotel car park. When we came back out
to the car we found it blocked by another and a woman was unloading bags. We
asked very politely if she could move her car so we could get out only to be told
very abruptly ‘Don’t be ridiculous!’
Now, when something like that happens it’s really tempting to snap back - after
all we were in the right. Most people would agree that she shouldn’t have boxed
us in.
But snapping at her wouldn’t get the car moved. So how could we persuade her
to move?
Stepping into her shoes for a moment, what on earth could have happened for
her to think that her response was appropriate?
Well maybe if:
1. She’d been driving round for ages trying to find somewhere to park.
2. Her bags were heavy and she was in the middle of unloading them.
3. Her husband had parked the car and disappeared into the hotel with the
car keys to see if anyone could help with the luggage.
4. She couldn’t drive and was tired and wanted a cup of tea.
We tried reflecting 1 and 2 to her:
‘It’s a nightmare to park in Bath isn’t it? You must have been driving round for
ages. And those bags look heavy’
We then found out that 3 and 4 were also true!
When you look at it like that her response starts to make sense, even if we still
didn’t think it was right. The point is that we wouldn’t have found out any of that
if we’d snapped at her. It was by showing empathy and reflecting what we
thought was going on for her that we uncovered all that.
Once we’d got to that stage it was a simple matter to work something out that
suited us all. And for the rest of the weekend she smiled and said ‘Hello’
whenever we saw her.

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Motivation
We mentioned motivators in passing earlier. They are so valuable when trying to
influence someone that they deserve more attention.
Think of motivators as buttons that you can push on someone – in the nicest
possible way. The lovely thing about tapping into someone’s motivators is that
they will love you for it!
If someone loves to help people and you ask them for help, watch them light up
with enthusiasm as they rush to your aid.
If they like eating out and you want to discuss something with them, suggest
you do it over lunch and see how much more likely they are to agree – even if
they’re really busy.
Don’t assume that other people are motivated by the same things that get you
out of bed in the morning. Everyone is different and their motivators are
different.
Some people are motivated by the stick and some by the carrot.
Some motivators are really basic – like food – and others are a bit more complex
– like seeking challenges.
The important thing with tapping into motivators is that you have to deliver on
the promise. It’s no use telling someone that this project is a real challenge to
get them enthused, when it’s really just the same old, same old.
If you do that then next time you go knocking on their door you’re likely to find
it firmly shut in your face.

Other ways of influencing

A compelling vision
Having a bright and compelling vision of where you are going can be
incredibly attractive to others.
Speaking with passion about your vision can stir enthusiasm in others and
help to bring them along.

Charisma
Take time to make people feel special and they will respond. When it
comes to influencing exercising your natural personal charm can help.

Using verbal and non-verbal

Not all influence has to employ the spoken word. Non-verbal signals can
be very powerful influencers.
Recent research has shown that we are influenced to buy something if the
person selling it smiles whilst looking at the product. If they frown or look
away from it we’re less likely to buy.
That research applies to ideas you are selling in the workplace as much as
it does to a new brand of washing powder in the marketplace.

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Pause
And of course saying nothing at all is one of the most powerful influencers.
In fact we think the pause is so important we’ve written a whole document
on it. If you’re interested do ask us for it.

Networks of Influence
You don’t have to do everything yourself. If you find it difficult to influence
or persuade someone of something try thinking about their network of
influence. Who is in it? Who influences their thinking? Then you can try to
influence that person to do the persuasion for you.
This is something you probably already do with family and friends ‘Oh you
talk to her. She listens to you’. It’s a simple step to transfer it to the
workplace.

Hungry for more?

We have lots more tips, tools and techniques for Influencing.
To find out more about our Influencing & Persuading Training Programmes
contact:

Bronia: 07961583081 bronia@aspire-leadership.co.uk

Liz: 07812829364 liz@aspire-leadership.co.uk

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