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Sight-Seeing: It’s not un-Christian to require people to treat you in

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07 November 2022
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I’ve been studying the life of Jesus a lot. 
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Life's Tough Questions

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I want to be like Jesus. I want to hold fast to his Word. But if I’m honest, it can feel so challenging to apply Biblical My Mission
principles when I’m experiencing relational hurt at the same time. Especially when commonly used Bible verses get
weaponised against me or appear to be unclear with their instructions. Open Book
I’ve been bumping up against this as I’ve been learning about establishing boundaries in some of my relationships. Postcards
And here’s what I’ve begun to realise: Just
like our bank accounts can get overdrawn, so StrangeSights
"Just like our bank accounts can get overdrawn, so
can our emotions. Just like spending that can our emotions. Just like spending that gets out
gets out of control can bankrupt a person’s of control can bankrupt a person’s nances, Sight-Seeing
nances, expending too much emotionally
expending too much emotionally can bankrupt a
person’s well-being. We have emotional Saints of Past Ages
can bankrupt a person’s well-being. We have
limitations."
emotional limitations.
This Life
In the past, I think I’ve tried to work around this. I’ve thought things like...
• The more I do for people, the more Christian I am. The Word
• If I know about a need, it’s my moral duty to meet that need.
• If someone hurts me, wrongs me or takes advantage of me, instead of addressing it head-on, I should just manage Wow!
my feelings and see it as an opportunity to demonstrate unconditional love.
From the Field
There are good intentions in every single one of those statements above. And on the surface, many of those mindsets
have a noble sense of self-sacri ce and Christian character. They even hint so closely at some well-known Bible
verses that they seem like the right way to react. However, there’s more context and truth we must consider here.

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Let’s take a look at John 15 13, for example. “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends".
month or more to support our
You see, in the past, I thought this verse meant the greatest act of love I could show is to lay down my own life for
work and we'll send you a free
the good of others, even when it’s to my own detriment.
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Yes, Jesus literally laid down His one glorious life and it was for a high and holy purpose. But Jesus didn’t lay down details...
His life to enable evil, to perpetuate unholy or irresponsible behaviours or to try to keep others happy.

When Jesus makes this statement in John 15, He is speaking within a context when friendship in the ancient world
was truly valued and sought after. This type of “friendship involve[s] the sharing of con dences, [and] possessions.”
Love expressed and experienced between friends is a beautiful thing and shouldn’t be dismissed or overlooked. In
our daily lives, we should want to share, and, within reason, give to our loved ones and friends. But here’s the
caution: We can be a resource for others when needed, but we should not become the source of what sustains them.

The instruction here isn’t so much about our willingness to literally lose our life or sacri ce our needs to the point of
self-detriment. Rather, Jesus is reminding us to have a willing spirit to show and extend a type of love that is
honourable and willing to be self-sacri cial when necessary.

And from that place, I’ve come to understand having boundaries in our relationships isn’t sel sh. It’s actually
exercising self-awareness by realising only God is limitless in his capacity. We as humans are limited.

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Friend, if you have struggled with wondering if setting boundaries is biblical, please know I’ve been in your shoes.
But here’s what I want you to know:
• It’s not un-Christian to come to terms with our limited human capacity and set healthy parameters in our
relationships.
• It’s not un-Christian to require people to treat you in healthy ways. And for us to do the same for others. 
• It’s not un-Christian to call wrong things wrong and hurtful things hurtful. 
SIGHT DIRECTORY
We have to know how to spot dysfunction, what to do about it and when to recognise it’s no longer reasonable or EXPLORING LONDON
safe to stay in some relationships. But we can do all of this with honor and kindness, learning how to love others well
without losing the best of who we are.

And isn’t that we really want? After all, God’s ultimate assignment is for us to love him and love others. And this is
exactly what Jesus taught and modelled. John 13 34 says: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have Ever wondered about where Sherlock Holmes

loved you, so you must love one another.” (NIV) lived, who the real Dick Whittington was or

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Love must be honest. Love must be safe. Love must seek each person’s highest good.
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between two humans.

Lysa TerKeurst is president of Proverbs 31 Ministries and the author of more than 25 books, including her latest,
Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are.

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