Hotties in Your Area!
 
 
written by
 
 
Harlan Friedman-Romell
 
INT. OFFICE - CUBICLE - LATE NIGHT
Monotone, lifeless. A fluorescent buzz.
A BESPECTACLED MAN (30s, meager, nebbish) sits at a desk,
hunched over his computer. He contemplates a spreadsheet.
Many clicks, key taps, and tab openings.
Eventually, he drags the spreadsheet into an email and leans
back, triumphant yet exhausted.
He looks to a digital clock on the left - 2:09 AM.
He lifts up his glasses, rubs his eyes, and grossly inhales
through his nose.
He grabs a tissue and wipes his schnoz. He looks at it. Hmm.
The man kicks the floor and his chair rolls back into the:

INT. OFFICE - HALL

The man (in his chair) rolls out. He peeks both ways.
Completely empty.
A devious look.

INT. CUBICLE
The man sticks a key into the bottom drawer of a filing
cabinet.
He pulls it open; the man pushes the folders and papers aside
and pulls out a bottle of lotion.

ON COMPUTER SCREEN
In the search bar: porn.com
Loading...loading...loading...

INT. CUBICLE
Glasses pulled back down.
Two pumps of the lotion.
Hands rubbing together.
 2.

ON COMPUTER SCREEN
The cursor mouses over a video player; it clicks the play
button.

INT. CUBICLE
The man's eyes are beady, intense.

ON COMPUTER SCREEN
Mid-video, an ADVERTISEMENT pops up: a female silhouette
within a heart and an 'X' in the top right corner.
It reads: "HOTTIES IN YOUR AREA: JAZMINE IS 2 MILES AWAY!"

INT. CUBICLE
The man recoils in disappointment. He leans back in.

ON COMPUTER SCREEN
The cursor clicks the 'X' once. Nothing happens. Then,
furious clicking. Still nothing.

INT. CUBICLE
The man glances around, paranoid.
CUT TO:

ON COMPUTER SCREEN
In the search bar: porn.net

INT. CUBICLE
Fingers tapping.

ON COMPUTER SCREEN
The beginning of an adult video.
Before it really gets going, the ADVERTISEMENT pops up:
"HOTTIES IN YOUR AREA: JAZMINE IS 1 MILE AWAY!"
 3.

INT. CUBICLE
The man furrows his brow. He looks closer:

ON COMPUTER SCREEN
The ADVERTISEMENT's subheading starts going down: 0.9 MILES
AWAY. 0.8. 0.7. 0.6. 0.5. 0.4-

INT. CUBICLE
The fluorescent lights flicker. The man stares, uneasy.

ON COMPUTER SCREEN
In the search bar: porn.gov

INT. CUBICLE
The man fully takes off his pants and pouts, frustrated.

ON COMPUTER SCREEN
A cursor mousing over a play button, but SUDDENLY--
The ADVERTISEMENT appears, but the silhouette is missing:
"HOTTIES IN YOUR AREA: JAZMINE IS...RIGHT BEHIND YOU!"

INT. CUBICLE
The man stares, blankly. Office lights flicker.
The computer screen glitches out, eventually going dark.
In the reflection of the screen, we see a GANGLING, HUMANOID
MONSTER skulking in the hall.
He spins around: nothing. What was that?
Shaking, the man lifts up his glasses; he sees the CREATURE,
BOUNDING TOWARDS HIM!
It LUNGES! He SCREAMS!
His glasses FALL to the ground, shattered.
Blood SPLATTERS over the lotion bottle.
CUT TO BLACK.