CHAPTER II: KNOWING OTHERS
(MAKATAO)
Learning outcomes:
1. Define relationship of various experiences and
settings.
2. Differentiate the types of relationship.
3. Develop interpersonal and intrapersonal
relationship framework.
4. Explain the different teaching strategies for
interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships.
5. Describe the Filipino learners and share
experiences in teaching the 21st century learners.
6. Write a reflection paper about relationship
including struggles and victories.
Basic Concept of Relationship
When we mention relationship, the first
thing that comes to mind is what exists between a
male and a female. However, that is just a part of
what relationship entails. Relationship is the way in
which two or more people are connected. We could
be connected by blood in the case of being family
members, we could be connected by our jobs and
that's where we have colleagues. We also have
friendship. And the most common type of
relationship in our world today is the relationship
between two people of the opposite which mostly
eventually leads to marriage.
It is said that relationships sometimes will
do for you what money cannot do. Setting up a
good relationship with people bring favors in some
way. It is likened to a debit card can be used to
withdraw currency anytime needed. Ever heard
about the saying ' two heads are better than one'?
That is to mean that what you can achieve in being
in a good relationship is better off than what you
alone can achieve.
Little wonder Ecclesiastes talks about how
two are better than one. And three cords are not
easily broken. Nobody is an island where you stand
on your own. You need relationships.
Most things many countries benefit today wouldn't
be possible if there was no relationship between
those countries. Most successful stories we hear
today are a product of good relationships.
“Even when God created man, he created
him for relationship. So, it would be so unwise of
you to say you don't need relationships.”
Relationship in itself isn't a bad idea. But it
is often said that when the use of a thing is not
known, abuse is inevitable. In application to
relationship, when we don't understand its
entirety, it's going to be abused and we see the
results in our daily lives.
Get it right, relationships are there to help
you and make your better. You are never meant to
be alone on earth. Be in a relationship with people
you trust. As stated earlier, relationship isn't all
about dating, courting or marriage. And
relationships can be toxic. So be careful of the
kind of relationship you hold on to. It could be
relationship with countries that instead of progress,
it brings regress. Could be company relationship
and so on. Whenever you find yourself in such,
withdraw!
“Relationships are to be nurtured, enjoyed,
and be of benefits. Do well to understand
relationships and get the best of it.”
You can listen to success systems, a message
by Apostle Joshua Selman. It throws more light on
this and helps you to know more about what
relationship can do for you.
Knowing Self and knowing others.
There is paradox in everything about the
human experience. For instance, it is through giving
we receive, and through receiving we give. It is the
‘unimportant’ in our lives, such as stopping to
breath under an unfolding oak tree, that gives
importance to other activities. It is the
“meaningless’ connections in daily living, such as a
hello at a checkout at the supermarket, that provides
framework and meaning for the more intimate
connections we have. These apparent paradoxes are
not part of any cosmic game played on us, but
rather a daily reminder of the wholeness and
perfection of life. Each moment offers glimpses into
this, often via these connections with others.
These connections with others are a
foundational part of living. Without them, we
would quite literally go insane or feel tormented, as
those in solitary confinement in prison sometimes
do. Exploring connections is hard wired into our
bodies, and even when lives of relative isolation are
lived, there will always be an element of this
exploration.
Exploring longer term connections, the
depth of them, is termed ‘a relationship‘. We all
have different preconceptions of what a relationship
is – as many preconceptions as the word ‘love’. It is
in longer term relationships that we meet the
dichotomy between these preconceptions and what
is head on. Conflict can be the natural result. We
also see how much the ideal of ‘relationship’ we
have works within ourselves, for we can try to fit
ourselves in a mold very easily in an attempt for
intimacy. It is a dance with essentially the present
moment, Now.
INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP
One of the most distinctive aspects of human
being is that we are social beings. Interpersonal
relationships are and have been the core of our
social system since the dawn of civilization.
Nursing is the therapeutic process and demands as
association between the nurse and the patient.
Interpersonal relationships refer to reciprocal
social and emotional environment. Interpersonal
relationship is defined as a close association
between individuals who share common interest and
goals.
1. DYAD
A dyad consists of two interacting people. It
is the simplest of the three interpersonal dynamics.
One person relays a message and the other listens. It
is one of the most unstable interpersonal dynamic.
The interaction ends when one constituent of the
dyad refuses to listen or share his or her message. It
is also one of the most intimate interpersonal
dynamic as the focus of listening and
communication is centered on only one person.
2. TRIAD
A triad consists of three interaction people.
The members engage in the relay and reception of
thoughts and ideas. It is more stable than the dyad
as the third member may act as a mediator when
there is conflict between the other two.
3. GROUP
A group consist of more than three members and is
a collection of triads and dyads.
Purposes of Interpersonal Relationship
Interpersonal relationship for an Individual
Ø Personal growth and development
Ø Source of enjoyment
Ø Sense of security
Ø Context of understanding Interpersonal needs
Ø Establishing personal identity
Interpersonal relationship between a teacher and
a student
Ø Developing positive relationships between a
teacher and student is a fundamental aspect of
quality teaching and student learning.
Ø Positive teacher-student relationships promote a
sense of school belonging and encourage
students to participate cooperatively.
We spend our entire life interfacing with fellow
humans. How we interact in these interpersonal
relationships determines the quality of life we enjoy.
Without relational interactions
with other humans, our lives would have virtually
no meaning or purpose. Yet, it is our
interpersonal relating that creates most of our
difficulties.
Imagine life without any interaction with
another human. No arguments, no fights, no
obligations, no misunderstandings, but also no love,
no joy, no laughs and no life. Obviously, the
answer to interpersonal relational difficulties is not
to withdraw from or avoid interaction with others,
but rather to learn how to relate in a meaningful,
honoring and constructive way.
INTRAPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP
Intrapersonal means “within a person,” that is,
taking place within one person's self or mind. It's
not to be confused with interpersonal, which refers
to something occurring “between people.”
The difference is that "interpersonal" refers to
relationships or actions that take place between two
or more people while "intrapersonal" refers to
things that go on exclusively within one person.
"Inter" is a prefix meaning "between."
Intrapersonal Communication
Intrapersonal communication is
communication with oneself using internal
vocalization or reflective thinking. Like other forms
of communication, intrapersonal communication is
triggered by some internal or external stimulus.
We may, for example, communicate with
our self about what we want to eat due to the
internal stimulus of hunger, or we may react
intra-personally to an event we witness. Unlike
other forms of communication, intrapersonal
communication takes place only inside our
heads.
The other forms of communication must be
perceived by someone else to count as
communication. So, what is the point of
intrapersonal communication if no one else even
sees it? Surrealistic photo of a woman sitting on a
sofa, head in her hand. The sofa floats in a
cloud-like atmosphere, and images of an Easter
Island style statue and a bird surround her.
Intrapersonal communication is
communication with ourselves that takes place in
our heads.
Intrapersonal communication serves
several social functions. Internal vocalization, or
talking to ourselves, can help us achieve or
maintain social adjustment. “For example, a
person may use self-talk to calm himself down in a
stressful situation, or a shy person may remind
herself to smile during a social event.”
 Intrapersonal communication also helps
build and maintain our self-concept. We form an
understanding of who we are based on how other
people communicate with us and how we process
that communication intra-personally. The shy
person in the earlier example probably internalized
shyness as a part of her self-concept because other
people associated her communication behaviors
with shyness and may have even labeled her “shy”
before she had a firm grasp on what that meant.
We also use intrapersonal communication
or “self-talk” to let off steam, process emotions,
think through something, or rehearse what we
plan to say or do in the future. As with the other
forms of communication, competent intrapersonal
communication helps facilitate social interaction
and can enhance our well-being. Conversely, the
breakdown in the ability of a person to
intra-personally communicate is associated with
mental illness.
Sometimes we intra-personally
communicate for the fun of it. I’m sure we have
all had the experience of laughing aloud because we
thought of something funny. We also communicate
intra-personally to pass time. I bet there is a lot of
intrapersonal communication going on in waiting
rooms all over the world right now. In both of these
cases, intrapersonal communication is usually
unplanned and doesn’t include a clearly defined
goal.
We can, however, engage in more
intentional intrapersonal communication. In fact,
deliberate self-reflection can help us become more
competent communicators as we become more
mindful of our own behaviors.
“For example, your internal voice may
praise or scold you based on a thought or action.”
Of the forms of communication,
intrapersonal communication has received the least
amount of formal study. It is rare to find courses
devoted to the topic, and it is generally separated
from the remaining four types of communication.
The main distinction is that intrapersonal
communication is not created with the intention
that another person will perceive it. In all the
other levels, the fact that the communicator
anticipates consumption of their message is very
important.
FIVE BASIC TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS
1. Family/Kinship Relationship
A strong family is all that you need to fight all
odds in life. No matter how the day has been for
you, no matter how people must have behaved with
you, and no matter the problems you have been
facing, the smiling face of your spouse and children
help you stay balanced. But that trust and support
do not come easily. They are built over the years
with careful nurturing.
A family relationship can be defined as any
combination of filiation or conjugal relationships
that join two people directly or through a third
party. Conjugality is defined in this census as a de
facto cohabitation, thus independent of the situation
as regards the legal marital status. A relationship of
filiation, the parentage of children is considered in
three possible ways: naturally, through adoption or
acquired through a conjugal or common-law
relationship with one of the natural or adopted
parents.
What Constitutes A Family?
A family constitutes people who are related to each
other and share an emotional bond and similar
values. Family members can be related by birth,
marriage, or adoption.
Your immediate family includes parents, siblings,
spouse, and children. And your extended family
includes people you are related to, such as
grandparents, cousins, aunts & uncles, nephews,
nieces etc.
Families are of different sizes — nuclear (a couple
and their children), joint (a couple, their children,
grandchildren), blended (a couple, their children,
and children from their previous marriages), etc.
6 strengths families use to create positive
environments:
1. Appreciation and affection- Appreciation and
affection are about caring for each other as family
members. Sharing positive emotional feelings with
each other and being nice to each other are just a
couple of ways families show appreciation and
affection.
2. Commitment- Members of strong families show
a strong commitment to one another, investing time
and energy in family activities and not letting their
work or other priorities take too much time away
from family interaction. Commitment is trusting,
respecting, accepting - putting your family first.
3. Positive communication- Communication is a
key to a strong family. It should be open, honest and
straightforward. Positive communication is about
telling others how you feel, compromising or at
least agreeing to disagree, as well as verbal praise
and giving compliments.
4. Enjoyable time together- Family time should be
fun time. When adults think back on their
childhood, it is the happy memories they cherish.
Families should work to create customs and rituals
that provide them with many enjoyable memories.
These do not have to involve lots of money or
supplies. Family activities and fun are just finding
time to be together. Sharing family mealtimes is one
way to spend enjoyable time together. Check out
365 Ways to Spend Time with Your Family!
5. Spiritual well-being- Spiritual well-being is the
hope, faith and optimism a family share. It is the
sacred connections they have or the religion or
spirituality they possess. Spiritual well-being is also
the caring, support and compassion that families
feel.
6. Successful management of stress and crisis -
Strong families have the ability to manage stress
and crisis in their lives in positive, creative ways.
They work together rather than pulling apart. Crisis
and stress are opportunities to help other family
members; and helping others can in turn help
themselves. “Couples and families have it in their
power to be happy with each other and create a
pleasant and peaceful home environment in which
they live together.”
2. Friendship
Friendship is a relationship of mutual
affection between people. It is a stronger form of
interpersonal bond than an association, and has been
studied in academic fields such as communication,
sociology, social psychology, anthropology, and
philosophy.
A relationship in general is the connection
between two or more people emotionally and
physically. A friendship is a type of relationship in
which you and another person (commonly of the
same sex but definitely not always) have similar
interests and enjoy spending time together.
One of the main differences between
friendship and relationship is the form in which they
are founded. The relationship is based on two types,
which include the natural form and the deliberate
form. ... This means that people choose to be
friends, but they are not obligated to be friends by
natural aspects.
Why are friends so important?
Our society tends to place an emphasis on
romantic relationships. We think that just finding
that right person will make us happy and fulfilled.
But research shows that friends are actually even
more important to our psychological welfare.
Friends bring more happiness into our lives than
virtually anything else.
Friendships have a huge impact on your
mental health and happiness. Good friends relieve
stress, provide comfort and joy, and prevent
loneliness and isolation. Developing close
friendships can also have a powerful impact on your
physical health. Lack of social connection may pose
as much of a risk as smoking, drinking too much, or
leading a sedentary lifestyle. Friends are even tied
to longevity. One Swedish study found that, along
with physical activity, maintaining a rich network of
friends can add significant years to your life.
But close friendships don’t just happen.
Many of us struggle to meet people and develop
quality connections. Whatever your age or
circumstances, though, it’s never too late to make
new friends, reconnect with old ones, and greatly
improve your social life, emotional health, and
overall well-being.
The benefits of friendships
While developing and maintaining friendships takes
time and effort, healthy friendships can:
v Improve your mood. Spending time with happy
and positive friends can elevate your mood and
boost your outlook.
v Help you to reach your goals. Whether you’re
trying to get fit, give up smoking, or otherwise
improve your life, encouragement from a friend
can really boost your willpower and increase
your chances of success.
v Reduce your stress and depression. Having an
active social life can bolster your immune
system and help reduce isolation, a major
contributing factor to depression.
v Support you through tough times. Even if it’s just
having someone to share your problems with,
friends can help you cope with serious illness,
the loss of a job or loved one, the breakup of a
relationship, or any other challenges in life.
v Support you as you age. As you age, retirement,
illness, and the death of loved ones can often
leave you isolated. Knowing there are people
you can turn to for company and support can
provide purpose as you age and serve as a buffer
against depression, disability, hardship and loss.
v Boost your self-worth. Friendship is a two-way
street, and the “give” side of the give-and-take
contributes to your own sense of self-worth.
Being there for your friends makes you feel
needed and adds purpose to your life.
“Technology has shifted the definition of
friendship in recent years. With the click of a
button, we can add a friend or make a new
connection. But having hundreds of online friends
is not the same as having a close friend you can
spend time with in person. Online friends can’t
hug you when a crisis hits, visit you when you’re
sick, or celebrate a happy occasion with you. Our
most important and powerful connections happen
when we’re face-to-face. So, make it a priority to
stay in touch in the real world, not just online.”

3. Professional Relationship/Work Relationship
There are two types of work relationships:
professional and personal.
1. Professional relationships are solely for the
purpose of getting your work done. They help
you advance your career and would not exist if
not for your job.
2. Personal relationships at work are those you
have in the workplace for social reasons.
According to the Gallup Organization,
people who have a best friend at work are seven
times more likely to be engaged in their jobs. And it
doesn't have to be a best friend: Gallup found that
people who simply had a good friend in the
workplace are more likely to be satisfied.
Human beings are naturally social creatures
– we crave friendship and positive interactions, just
as we do food and water. So, it makes sense that the
better our relationships are at work, the happier and
more productive we're going to be.
Good working relationships give us several other
benefits:
1. Our work is more enjoyable when we have good
relationships with those around us. Also, people
are more likely to go along with changes that we
want to implement, and we're more innovative
and creative.
2. Good relationships give us freedom: instead of
spending time and energy overcoming the
problems associated with negative relationships,
we can, instead, focus on opportunities.
3. Good relationships are also often necessary if
we hope to develop our careers. After all, if
your boss doesn't trust you, it's unlikely that he
or she will consider you when a new position
opens up. Overall, we all want to work with
people we're on good terms with.
4. We also need good working relationships with
others in our professional circle. Customers,
suppliers and key stakeholders are all essential
to our success. So, it's important to build and
maintain good relations with these people.
Defining a Good Relationship
There are several characteristics that make up
good, healthy working relationships:
1. Trust – This is the foundation of every good
relationship. When you trust your team and
colleagues, you form a powerful bond that
helps you to work and communicate more
effectively. If you trust the people you work
with, you can be open and honest in your
thoughts and actions, and you don't have to
waste time and energy "watching your
back."
2. Mutual Respect – When you respect the
people who you work with, you value their
input and ideas, and they value yours.
Working together, you can develop solutions
based on your collective insight, wisdom and
creativity
3. Mindfulness – This means taking
responsibility for your words and actions.
Those who are mindful are careful and
attend to what they say, and they don't let
their own negative emotions impact the
people around them.
4. Welcoming Diversity – People with good
relationships not only accept diverse people
and opinions, but they welcome them. For
instance, when your friends and colleagues
offer different opinions from yours, you take
the time to consider what they have to say,
and factor their insights into your
decision-making.
5. Open Communication – We communicate
all day, whether we're sending emails and
IMs, or meeting face to face. The better and
more effectively you communicate with
those around you, the richer your
relationships will be. All good relationships
depend on open, honest communication.
*Difficult Relationships
Occasionally, you'll have to work with
someone you don't like, or someone that you simply
can't relate to. But, for the sake of your work, it's
essential that you maintain a professional
relationship with him.
When this happens, make an effort to get to
know the person. It's likely that she knows full well
that the two of you aren't on the best terms, so make
the first move to improve the relationship by
engaging him in a genuine conversation, or by
inviting him out to lunch.
While you're talking, try not to be too
guarded. Ask him about his background, interests
and past successes. Instead of putting energy into
your differences, focus on finding things that you
have in common.
“Just remember – not all relationships will be great;
but you can make sure that they are, at least,
workable!”
4. Causal Relationship
“Causality-the idea that one event, behavior, or
belief will result in the occurrence of another,
subsequent event, behavior, or belief.”
 A causal relation between two events
exists if the occurrence of the first causes the
other. The first event is called the cause and the
second event is called the effect. A correlation
between two variables does not imply causation.
Most social scientific studies attempt to
provide some kind of causal explanation. A study
on an intervention to prevent child abuse is trying to
draw a connection between the intervention and
changes in child abuse. Causality refers to the idea
that one event, behavior, or belief will result in the
occurrence of another, subsequent event, behavior,
or belief. In other words, it is about cause and
effect. It seems simple, but you may be surprised to
learn there is more than one way to explain how one
thing causes another. How can that be? How could
there be many ways to understand causality?
In causality, that means that in order to try to
understand what caused what, we would need to
report what people tell us. Well, that seems pretty
straightforward, right? Well, what if two different
people saw the same event from the exact same
viewpoint and came up with two totally different
explanations about what caused what? A social
constructionist would say that both people are
correct. There is not one singular truth that is true
for everyone, but many truths created and
Definition
Cause and effect relationships --
Causality is the relationship between cause and
effect. Simple connections between cause and effect
are linear and unidirectional. Complex connections
between cause and effect, when organizations are
thought of as systems, involve, circular causality,
interdependent systems, and non-linearity.
Nonlinearity is where one variable can have a more
than proportional effect on another due to the very
complex connections between cause and effect.
With nonlinearity it may become unclear what
cause and effect mean, the links between cause and
effect may become distant in time and space, and
the links between cause and effect may disappear
for all practical purposes.
The philosophical concept of causality or causation
refers to the set of all particular ""causal"" or
""cause-and-effect"" relations. Most generally,
causation is a relationship that holds between
events, properties, variables, or states of affairs.
According to Sowa (2000), up until the twentieth
century, three assumptions described by Max Born
in 1949 were dominant in the definition of
causality:
""Causality postulates that there are laws by which
the occurrence of an entity B of a certain class
depends on the occurrence of an entity A of another
class, where the word entity means any physical
object, phenomenon, situation, or event. A is called
the cause, B the effect.
""Antecedence postulates that the cause must be
prior to, or at least simultaneous with, the effect.
""Contiguity postulates that cause and effect must
be in spatial contact or connected by a chain of
intermediate things in contact."" (Born, 1949, as
cited in Sowa, 2000)
Causality always implies at least some
relationship of dependency between the cause and
the effect. For example, deeming something a cause
may imply that, all other things being equal, if the
cause occurs the effect does as well, or at least that
the probability of the effect occurring increases.
However, according to Sowa (2000), ""relativity
and quantum mechanics have forced physicists to
abandon these assumptions as exact statements of
what happens at the most fundamental levels, but
they remain valid at the level of human experience."
Expressing causal relationships
In natural languages, causal relationships
can be expressed by the following causative
expressions:
1. a set of causative verbs [cause, make, create,
do, effect, produce, occasion, perform, determine,
influence; construct, compose, constitute; provoke,
motivate, force, facilitate, induce, get, stimulate;
begin, commence, initiate, institute, originate, start;
prevent, keep, restrain, preclude, forbid, stop, cease]
2. a set of causative names [actor, agent, author,
creator, designer, former, originator; antecedent,
causality, causation, condition, fountain, occasion,
origin, power, precedent, reason, source, spring;
reason, grounds, motive, need, impulse];
3. a set of effective names [consequence,
creation, development, effect, end, event, fruit,
impact, influence, issue, outcome, outgrowth,
product, result, upshot].
A causal relation between two events exists if the
occurrence of the first causes the other. The first
event is called the cause and the second event is
called the effect. A correlation between two
variables does not imply causation. On the other
hand, if there is a causal relationship between two
variables, they must be correlated.
Example:
A study shows that there is a negative
correlation between a student's anxiety before a test
and the student's score on the test. But we cannot
say that the anxiety causes a lower score on the test;
there could be other reasons—the student may not
have studied well, for example. So, the correlation
here does not imply causation.
However, consider the positive correlation
between the number of hours you spend studying
for a test and the grade you get on the test. Here,
there is causation as well; if you spend more time
studying, it results in a higher grade.
5. Romantic Relationship
Developing and Maintaining Romantic
Relationships
Like other relationships in our lives,
romantic relationships play an important role in
fulfilling our needs for intimacy, social connection,
and sexual relations. Like friendships, romantic
relationships also follow general stages of creation
and deterioration.
In many Western cultures, romantic
relationships are voluntary. They are free to decide
whom to date and form life-long romantic
relationships.
In some Eastern cultures these decisions
may be made by parents, or elders in the
community, based on what is good for the family or
social group.
Even in Western societies, not everyone
holds the same amount of freedom and power to
determine their relational partners. Parents or
society may discourage interracial, interfaith, or
interclass relationships. While it is now legal for
same-sex couples to marry, many same-sex couples
still suffer political and social restrictions when
making choices about marrying and having
children. Much of the research on how romantic
relationships develop is based on relationships in
the West. In this context, romantic relationships can
be viewed as voluntary relationships between
individuals who have intentions that each person
will be a significant part of their ongoing lives.
Think about your own romantic relationships for a
moment. To whom are you attracted? Chances are
they are people with whom you share common
interests and encounter in your everyday routines
such as going to school, work, or participation in
hobbies or sports. In other words, self-identity,
similarity, and proximity are three powerful
influences when it comes to whom we select as
romantic partners. We often select others that we
deem appropriate for us as they fit our self-identity:
heterosexual pair up with other heterosexuals,
lesbian women with other lesbian women, and so
forth. Social class, religious preference, and ethnic
or racial identity are also great influences as people
are more likely to pair up with others of similar
backgrounds. Logically speaking, it is difficult
(although not impossible with the prevalence of
social media and online dating services) to meet
people outside of our immediate geographic area. In
other words, if we do not have the opportunity to
meet and interact with someone at least a little, how
do we know if they are a person with whom we
would like to explore a relationship? We cannot
meet, or maintain a long-term relationship, without
sharing some sense of proximity.
We are certainly not suggesting that we only
have romantic relationships with carbon copies of
ourselves. Over the last few decades, there have
been some dramatic shifts when it comes to
numbers and perceptions of interracial marriage. It
is more and more common to see a wide variety of
people that make up married couples.
General Stages of Creation and Deterioration
Stages of Creation
Just like the steps we examined for
developing friendships, there are general stages we
follow in the development and maintenance of
romantic relationships. Let’s look at these six stages
of growth in romantic relationships.
The first stage in the development of romantic
relationships is No Interaction. As the name
suggests, the initial stage of a romantic relationship
occurs when two people have not interacted. For
example, you may see someone you are attracted to
on the first day of class and think to yourself, “I
really want to meet her.” Our attraction for someone
may motivate us to move beyond the no interaction
stage to see if there is a possibility of developing a
romantic relationship.
The second stage for developing romantic
relationships is Invitational Communication.
When we are attracted to someone, we may signal
or invite them to interact with us. For example, you
can do this by asking them to dinner, to dance at a
club, or even, “I really liked that movie. What did
you think?” The significance here is in the relational
level (how the people feel about each other) rather
than the content level (the topic) of the message. As
the poet, Maya Angelou, explains, “Words mean
more than what is set down on paper. It takes the
human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper
meaning.” The ‘shades of deeper meaning’ are the
relational level messages that invite others to
continue exploring a possible romantic relationship.
Quite often, we strategize how we might go about
inviting people into communication with us so we
can explore potential romantic development.
The third stage of developing romantic
relationships is Explorational Communication.
When individuals respond favorably to our
invitational communication, we then engage in
explorational communication. In this stage, we
share information about ourselves while looking for
mutual interests, shared political or religious views,
and similarities in family background.
Self-disclosure increases so we can give and receive
personal information in a way that fosters trust and
intimacy. Common dating activities in this stage
include going to parties or other publicly structured
events, such as movies or a concert, that foster
interaction and self-disclosure.
The fourth stage of romantic relationships is
Intensifying Communication. If we continue to
be attracted (mentally, emotionally, and physically)
to one another, we begin engaging in intensifying
communication. This is the happy stage (the
“relationship high”) where we cannot bear to be
away from the other person. It is here that you
might plan all of your free time together, and begin
to create a private relational culture. Going out to
parties and socializing with friends takes a back seat
to more private activities such as cooking dinner
together at home or taking long walks on the beach.
Self-disclosure continues to increase as each person
has a strong desire to know and understand the
other. In this stage, we tend to idealize one another
in that we downplay faults (or don’t see them at all),
seeing only the positive qualities of the other
person.
The fifth stage of romantic relationship
development is Revising Communication. When
the “relational high” begins to wear off, couples
begin to have a more realistic perspective of one
another, and the relationship as a whole. Here,
people may recognize the faults of the other person
that they so idealized in the previous stage. Also,
couples must again make decisions about where to
go with the relationship—do they stay together and
work toward long-term goals, or define it as a
short-term relationship? A couple may be deeply in
love and also make the decision to break off the
relationship for a multitude of reasons. Perhaps one
person wants to join the Peace Corps after
graduation and plans to travel the world, while the
other wants to settle down in their hometown. Their
individual needs and goals may not be compatible
to sustain a long-term commitment.
Commitment is the sixth stage in developing
romantic relationships. This occurs when a couple
makes the decision to make the relationship a
permanent part of their lives. In this stage, the
participants assume they will be in each other’s
lives forever and make joint decisions about the
future. While marriage is an obvious sign of
commitment it is not the only signifier of this stage.
Some may mark their intention of staying together
in a commitment ceremony, or by registering as
domestic partners. Likewise, not all couples
planning a future together legally marry. Some may
lose economic benefits if they marry, such as the
loss of Social Security for seniors or others may
oppose the institution (and its inequality) of
marriage.
Obviously, simply committing is not enough to
maintain a relationship through tough times that
occur as couples grow and change. Like a ship set
on a destination, a couple must learn to steer
though rough waves as well as calm waters. A
couple can accomplish this by learning to
communicate through the good and the bad.
Navigating, is when a couple continues to revise
their communication and ways of interacting to
reflect the changing needs of each person. Done
well, life’s changes are more easily enjoyed when
viewed as a natural part of the life cycle. The
original patterns for managing dialectical tensions
when a couple began dating, may not work when
they are managing two careers, children, and a
mortgage payment. Outside pressures such as
children, professional duties, and financial
responsibilities put added pressure on relationships
that require attention and negotiation. If a couple
neglects to practice effective communication with
one another, coping with change becomes
increasingly stressful and puts the relationship in
jeopardy.
Stages of Deterioration
Not only do romantic couples progress through
a series of stages of growth, they also experience
stages of deterioration. “Deterioration does not
necessarily mean that a couple’s relationship will
end.” Instead, couples may move back and forth
from deterioration stages to growth stages
throughout the course of their relationship.
The first stage of deterioration, Dyadic
Breakdown, occurs when romantic partners begin to
neglect the small details that have always bound
them together. For example, they may stop cuddling
on the couch when they rent a movie and sit in
opposite chairs. Taken in isolation this example
does not mean a relationship is in trouble. However,
when intimacy continues to decrease, and the
partners feel dissatisfied, this dissatisfaction can
lead to worrying about the relationship.
The second stage of deterioration, the
Intrapsychic Phase, occurs when partners worry that
they do not connect with one another in ways they
used to, or that they no longer do fun things
together. When this happens, they may begin to
imagine their life without the relationship. Rather
than seeing the relationship as a given, the couple
may begin to wonder what life would be like not
being in the partnership.
The third stage of deterioration, the Dyadic
Phase, occurs when partners make the choice to talk
about their problems. In this stage, they discuss how
to resolve the issues and may seek outside help such
as a therapist to help them work through the reasons
they are growing apart. This could also be the stage
where couples begin initial discussions about how
to divide up shared resources such as property,
money, or children.
The fourth stage of deterioration, Social Support,
occurs when termination is inevitable and the
partners begin to look outside the relationship for
social support. In this stage couples will make the
news public by telling friends, family, or children
that the relationship is ending. As family members
listen to problems, or friends offer invitations to go
out and keep busy, they provide social support. The
couple needs social support from outside
individuals in the process of letting go of the
relationship and coming to terms with its
termination.
The fifth stage of deterioration, Grave Dressing,
occurs when couples reach closure in a relationship
and move on with life. Like a literal death, a
relationship that has ended should be mourned.
People need time to go through this process in order
to fully understand the meaning of the relationship,
why it ended, and what they can learn from the
experience. Going through this stage in a healthy
way helps us learn to navigate future relationships
more successfully.
You can probably recognize many of these
stages from your own relationships or from
relationships you’ve observed. Experience will tell
you that we do not always follow these stages in a
linear way. A couple, for example, may enter
counseling during the dyadic phase, work out their
problems, and enter a second term of intensifying
communication, revising, and so forth. Other
couples may skip some stages all together.
Whatever the case, these models are valuable
because they provide us with a way to recognize
general communicative patterns and options we
have at each stage of our relationships.
“Knowing what our choices are, and their
potential consequences, gives us greater tools to
build the kind of relationships we desire in our
personal lives.”
Do You Engage in Relationship Maintenance?
Relationship maintenance (or relational
maintenance) refers to a variety of behaviors
exhibited by relational partners in an effort to
maintain that relationship. Relational maintenance
is defined by scholars in four different ways: to
keep a relationship in existence.
What is a Healthy Relationship?
“Different people define relationships in different
ways. But in order for a relationship to be healthy, it
needs a few key ingredients!”
Healthy Communication
Open, honest, and safe communication is a
fundamental part of a healthy relationship. The first
step to building a relationship is making sure you
both understand each other’s needs and
expectations—being on the same page is very
important. That means you have to talk to each
other!
The following tips can help you and your partner
create and maintain a healthy relationship:
Speak Up. In a healthy relationship, if
something is bothering you, it’s best to talk about it
instead of holding it in.
Respect Each Other. Your partner’s wishes
and feelings have value, and so do yours. Let your
significant other know you are making an effort to
keep their ideas in mind. Mutual respect is essential
in maintaining healthy relationships.
Compromise. Disagreements are a natural
part of healthy relationships, but it’s important that
you find a way to compromise if you disagree on
something. Try to solve conflicts in a fair and
rational way.
Be Supportive. Offer reassurance and
encouragement to each other. Also, let your partner
know when you need their support. Healthy
relationships are about building each other up, not
putting each other down.
Respect Each Other’s Privacy. Just
because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you
have to share everything and constantly be together.
Healthy relationships require space.
Healthy Boundaries
Creating boundaries is a good way to keep
your relationship healthy and secure. By setting
boundaries together, you can both have a deeper
understanding of the type of relationship that you
and your partner want. Boundaries are not meant to
make you feel trapped or like you’re “walking on
eggshells.” Creating boundaries is not a sign of
secrecy or distrust — it’s an expression of what
makes you feel comfortable and what you would
like or not like to happen within the relationship.
Remember, healthy boundaries shouldn’t restrict
your ability to:
· Go out with your friends without your
partner.
· Participate in activities and hobbies you like.
· Not have to share passwords to your email,
social media accounts or phone.
· Respect each other’s individual likes and
needs.
Healthy Relationship Boosters
Even healthy relationships can use a boost
now and then. You may need a boost if you feel
disconnected from your partner or like the
relationship has gotten stale. If so, find a fun, simple
activity you both enjoy, like going on a walk, and
talk about the reasons why you want to be in the
relationship. Then, keep using healthy behaviors as
you continue dating.
If you’re single (and especially if you’re a
single parent), don’t worry if you need a boost too!
Being single can be the best and worst feeling, but
remember relationships don’t just include your
significant other and you. Think about all the great
times you’ve had with your parents, siblings,
friends, children, other family members, etc..
Try going out with the people you love and care
about the most — watch movies together, go out to
eat, take a day off from your busy life and just enjoy
being you! If it helps, also talk about your feelings
about the relationships in your life. If you just want
them to listen, start by telling them that. Then ask
what makes relationships good and what makes
them bad. And don’t forget, the relationship you
can always boost up is the one you have with
yourself!
What Isn’t a Healthy Relationship?
Relationships that are not healthy are
based on power and control, not equality and
respect. In the early stages of an abusive
relationship, you may not think the unhealthy
behaviors are a big deal. However, possessiveness,
insults, jealous accusations, yelling, humiliation,
pulling hair, pushing or other abusive behaviors, are
— at their root — exertions of power and control.
Remember that abuse is always a choice and you
deserve to be respected. There is no excuse for
abuse of any kind.
If you think your relationship is unhealthy, it’s
important to think about your safety now.
Consider these points as you move forward:
Understand that a person can only change if they
want to. You can’t force your partner to alter their
behavior if they don’t believe they’re wrong.
Focus on your own needs. Are you taking care of
yourself? Your wellness is always important. Watch
your stress levels, take time to be with friends, get
enough sleep. If you find that your relationship is
draining you, consider ending it.
Connect with your support systems. Often, abusers
try to isolate their partners. Talk to your friends,
family members, teachers and others to make sure
you’re getting the emotional support you need.
Remember, our advocates are always ready to talk if
you need a listening ear.
Think about breaking up. Remember that you
deserve to feel safe and accepted in your
relationship.
Even though you cannot change your partner, you
can make changes in your own life to stay safe.
Consider leaving your partner before the abuse gets
worse. Whether you decide to leave or stay, make
sure to use our safety planning tips to stay safe.
Remember, you have many options — including
obtaining a domestic violence restraining order.
Laws vary from state to state so chat with a peer
advocate to learn more.
When maintaining a relationship, any behavior
that is positive and promotes deepening trust and
closeness between people is a prosocial
maintenance behavior. The more prosocial
behavior is evident in a relationship, the more
likely for strong bonds to be formed, and the
relationship to prosper and continue. Low levels
of Prosocial maintenance behavior gives less
reinforcement in the relationship, and thus more a
weak foundation often leads to the relationships
deterioration, or at least non-progression.
Specific prosocial maintenance behaviors that
could be exhibited by prosocial standards are
positivity, openness, assurances, social networking,
task sharing, supportiveness, romance, humor, and
joint activities. Each of these qualities equates to
spending time together, and interacting either
physically or emotionally.
Prosocial maintenance behavior does not value
one source of positivity more than the other,
although the individual might. Verbalizing your
fondness for your partner through positive speech
might be what your partner specifically craves in
your relationship, while another partner might find
more affection in your willingness to help with
household chores together. This type of task sharing
is also a part of what is known as routine
maintenance, and a relatively equal effort by each
party is a prosocial function that greatly adds to
relationship satisfaction.
As a contrast to prosocial behavior that is used
to strengthen bonds and reinforce a relationship,
anti-social maintenance behavior is another
strategic behavior pattern that can be used to
maintain a current relationship. Its use of continuing
a relationship at its current level, would be to
decline invitations to opportunities to create new
levels of a relationship. By declining these
opportunities, this exemplifies an Antisocial
behavior, which is generally deliberate in its
implementation.
First Stage - Acquaintance: It depends on
previous relationship, physical proximity, first
impression, etc.,
Failing to understand the difference between
a friend and an acquaintance can easily become the
biggest detriment to growing as an individual.
Sounds heavy but it’s true. We deal with so many
people on a daily basis that we get caught up in the
moment without awareness of whether we should
be treating the person in front of us as a friend or an
acquaintance.
A friend is someone that coincides with
your principles and provides you with wisdom,
honesty and loyalty in order to make you a
better person. The same thing goes for the reverse.
Friendship is a two-way relationship.
An acquaintance is someone you see
possibly every day at school or work or maybe
you see every now and then through common
activity. An acquaintance is someone you help
without expecting anything in return. This isn’t a
person you open up to or provide high level of
commitment to.
Second Stage - Build-up: People begin to trust and
care for each other.
Building a Sound Relationship House
John Gottman has spent the past four
decades studying relationships. From over 3,000
couples studied and followed, he has learned a lot
about what to do and not do in a partnership. With
that knowledge, he’s built a tool on what does work
in relationships called The Sound Relationship
House Theory.
The foundation of the Gottman Method, this
tool summarizes what masters of relationships
know: it’s not about having a perfect relationship
but about putting effort into building friendship,
connection, and positive regard. This tool also
teaches how to manage
conflict and avoid the Four Horseman, which are
the destructive patterns that show up in conflict.
Understanding the Sound Relationship House
Build Love Maps
Knowing each other’s love maps means
staying curious about your partner’s inner world.
For example, what are your partner’s current
stressors? What are their dreams? Who is close to
them? You become a master when you feel known
by your partner and you know their love map as
well.
Share Fondness and Admiration
Fondness and Admiration are crucial to
happy relationships. Remembering your partner’s
positive qualities helps to build a stronger bond and
allows you to maintain a sense of respect for your
partner. This can go a long way in reducing the
effects of the Four Horseman (Contempt, Criticism,
Defensiveness and Stonewalling).
Turn Towards Instead of Away
Living busy lives and holding up
responsibilities can lead to two partners living
parallel to one another. By turning towards one
another, couples acknowledge each other and make
space when one of them tries to connect.
Responding to your partner when they lean in is a
vital piece of a happy relationship.
The Positive Perspective
When the three previous levels have been
built, a positive perspective on the relationship takes
form and a willingness to give your partner the
benefit of the doubt develops. When your partner is
in a bad mood, you won’t automatically take it
personally or feel attacked. Instead, you may ask
about what is going on for them, verses bracing for
impact.
Manage Conflict
Learning how to manage conflict is crucial
to any relationship. Couples counseling can help
prevent such things as harsh startups to
conversations, escalating conflicts that cause people
to feel flooded, and use of the Four Horsemen.
Techniques include listening to each other’s
perspective, recognizing what triggers are being
activated, apologizing for your part, and making a
plan should this happen in the future, all of which
help couples process a fight rather than rehash it.
Make Life Dreams Come True
 After learning to manage conflict, couples
who are masters at relationship can focus on making
their own and their partner’s dreams come true,
both as individuals and as a couple. Sometimes, this
may be the hardest part,
especially when one partner has a dream or goal
that appears to conflict with the other person, so
compromise is involved. Ultimately, both partners
should feel honored that they can live their best life
with a partner who supports them.
Create Shared Meaning
Creating Shared Meaning, the final piece of
Building a Sound Relationship House, is about
building a shared sense of purpose or a legacy as a
couple. It involves creating unique traditions, being
on the same page with roles and symbols within the
marriage, having compatible views and
philosophies about parenting, money, work-life
balance, etc. Sometimes these take time to develop.
Third Stage - Continuation: It follows a mutual
commitment for a long duration.
Difficult Relationships and the Three C’s that
Fix Them
“WE’VE ALL HAD OUR FAIR SHARE OF BAD
RELATIONSHIPS, BUT SOME JUST MIGHT
BE WORTH SAVING.”
If you’re in the midst of a difficult relationship but
aren’t quite ready to throw in the towel, here “The
Three C’s” that could help you out.
Fixing Difficult Relationships
If you feel that fixing a difficult relationship is
worth the time and you are both willing to put in the
effort to make it work, then it certainly can be done.
Communicate
Communication is one of the most important
aspects of any relationship, especially a romantic
relationship. One of the biggest mistakes couples
make is sweeping disagreements and arguments
under the rug instead of talking out the situation and
attempting to understand one another’s feelings.
While ending the argument by leaving and letting
each other cool off may allow you both to forget
about the situation by the next day, those types of
situations will keep coming up if you don’t learn to
understand your significant other’s expectations.
Compromise
This suggestion, in some ways, relates to the
last. After you have learned to communicate,
sometimes the only way to end a disagreement is to
compromise. If you are both completely set, in
different directions and can’t learn to compromise,
some situations can never be resolved. It will take
some effort, but learn to give in to your partner at
times. Pick your battles. It
could be as simple as picking which movie the two
of you will go see for your date night. If your
girlfriend wants to go see the new chick flick, don’t
complain; just agree that the two of you will go see
an action movie the following week. Obviously,
some situations will be much more serious, but the
same rules apply.
Commit
Communicating and compromising with
your significant other are tasks that are easier said
than done. You may read over them and think, "No
problem. I can do that." But, when it comes down to
it, it’s going to take some effort on your part as well
as your partner’s. If you aren’t fully committed to
fixing your difficult relationship, it will ultimately
fall apart. To make your relationship work, you will
both need to focus on being patient and extra
sensitive to the needs of your partner.
If you feel that fixing your relationship is
worth the time and you are both willing to put in the
effort to make it work, then it certainly can be done.
Sometimes one person can go to counseling to start
the process and this in itself will effect change in
the relationship. Stop ignoring your disagreements
and learn to compromise every now and then, and
you should be on the right path to a closer more
loving connection. It’s all about teamwork, making
each other feel loved, respected and adored.
Fourth Stage - Deterioration: Not all relationship
deteriorates. Some may deteriorate due to loss of
trust or dissatisfaction.
Some students and teachers click right from
the start, and other student-teacher relationships
take time to develop. Unfortunately, there are
occasions when teachers and students have
long-lasting relationship problems. A poor
relationship could be the result of a broken bond
between them or an ongoing unresolved conflict
that keeps the two from connecting. In a situation
where the student poses no danger to a teacher, the
teacher is often expected to establish a working
relationship with the student.
It's part of the teacher's role as an educator and
mentor to exercise good judgment when dealing
with students
Insensitivity to Student Needs
A lack of awareness on the part of the
instructor leads to poor teacher-student
relationships. Not all students respond the same way
to lessons, and some require personalized
educational practices. For example, a teacher

might assume that a student who never volunteers in
class is apathetic or disengaged. In reality, the
student might be a visual learner who doesn't
respond well to lecture-style teaching. Relationship
troubles between teachers and student’s surface
when a teacher doesn't consider an individual
student's educational needs. Personality, family
backgrounds, thought processes, learning styles,
priorities, maturity levels and academic goals
influence each student's ability to learn and connect
with educators. Teachers are wise to view each
student as an individual who deserves one-on-one
attention and specialized, focused instruction
whenever possible.
Teacher Bullying
Bullying by a teacher leads to poor relationships
with students. Teacher bullying defined as "using
power to punish, manipulate, or disparage a student
beyond what would be a reasonable disciplinary
procedure." When elementary, junior high, high
school and even college instructors bully students,
their behavior results in dysfunctional
teacher-student relationships. Students don't trust
teachers who bully them, and they don't feel that
those instructors have their best interests in mind.
Some students lash out at teachers who bully them
or withdraw completely -- neither of which is a
healthy or productive option.
Crossed Lines and Mixed Signals
Teachers often send students mixed messages.
Social networking, texting and online
teacher-student interactions complicate classroom
relationships. In some cases, teachers get too
friendly with their students and cross lines of
professionalism, even when sexual misconduct
doesn't occur. For example, some students lose
respect for teachers who accept their Facebook
friend requests and post images of themselves
taking part in inappropriate behaviors. When a
teacher's private, personal life becomes a part of the
classroom environment, some students lose sight of
appropriate boundaries.
Troublesome Behavior
A leading cause of dissension between teachers and
students is rude, disrespectful or condescending
behavior. Teachers are often to blame for these
types of infractions, but students are guilty as well.
Teachers who interrupt students, blame them for
classroom problems, ignore students' personal
needs, criticize them in
front of classmates and demonstrate apathy do their
students a great disservice. Instructors should
always try to show appreciation, respect, kindness
and patience. Displaying flaring tempers, yelling at
students and expressing frequent irritation results in
stressful and unhealthy teacher-student
relationships. Similarly, students who show
disrespect, badmouth teachers or ignore
well-meaning guidance contribute to strained
relationships.
Fifth Stage – Termination: This final stage leads
to an end of the relationship either by death or
separation
When relationship can’t be maintained at a
less developed level, it will end. Most especially
when people no longer interact with each other.
Relationship termination, the voluntary or
involuntary ending of relationships is an area of
difficulty for many people. Because we invest
ourselves in order to enter into the relationship to
end it seems can have painful consequences such as
feelings of grief, disturbed self-esteem and
self-confidence.
The degree of distress depends on many
factors, such as the type of relationship (friendship,
courtship, engagement, marriage, student-teacher)
length of relationship, frequency of meetings, etc.
Rules to remember
Responsibilities in the Teacher/Learner
Relationship
A. Responsibilities of teachers
1. Treat all learners with respect and fairness.
2. Treat all learners equally regardless of age,
gender, race, ethnicity, national origin,
religion, disability, or sexual orientation.
3. Provide current materials in an effective
format for learning.
4. Be on time for didactic, investigational, and
clinical encounters.
5. Provide timely feedback with constructive
suggestions and opportunities for
improvement/remediation when needed.
B. Responsibilities of learners
1. Treat all fellow learners and teachers with
respect and fairness.
2. Treat all fellow learners and teachers equally
regardless of age, gender, race, ethnicity,
national origin, religion, disability, or sexual
orientation.
3. Commit the time and energy to your studies
necessary to achieve the goals and
objectives of each course.
 4. Be on time for didactic, investigational, and
clinical encounters.
5. Communicate concerns/suggestions about
the curriculum, didactic methods, teachers,
or the learning environment in a respectful,
professional manner.
The role of the teacher within the classroom
appears to be the single most important factor in our
educational setting. Although the majority of
studies in the field of interaction analysis have
focused upon the relationship of teaching
techniques to academic achievement, there is an
increasing interest in the interpersonal relationships
between teacher and students (Robinson, Wilson, &
Robinson, 1981).
Consequently, teachers often have rather
detailed knowledge of various teaching techniques,
but limited awareness of the importance of the
interpersonal process in teaching. This limited
awareness is unfortunate, because according to
Thomas, Karmas, and Altekruse (1981) "Effective
relationships between teachers and students are
essential if students are to have more time to learn
and teachers are to have more time to teach" 1
(p.67). Furthermore, Wagner (1983) states that, "A
classroom climate is established through the
working relations which exist between a teacher and
pupils" (p.392).
Interpersonal interaction skills revolve
around the ability of the teacher to provide certain
core conditions which are essential in creating a
positive educational setting. These conditions
consist of warmth, empathy, respect, genuineness,
concreteness, self-disclosure, immediacy, and
confrontation. In summary, Smith (1980) states that,
"Focus upon the nature of teacher-pupil interaction
and its relationship to pupil progress could give
insight into the people involved in correcting
deficiencies in communication skills and other
academic deficits"
Interpersonal vs. Intrapersonal Skills
Human beings are inherently social creatures,
thriving best when they can develop connections
with other people that are both productive and
fulfilling. So, how do you make that happen? You
do it by developing both your interpersonal and
intrapersonal skills.
Far too often, people focus on one set of these skills
and neglect the others, which limits them and
subverts their goals. When you develop strong
interpersonal and intrapersonal skills alike, you gain
the tools that will help you advance your career and
find greater enjoyment in your life overall.
Interpersonal vs. Intrapersonal: What’s the
Difference?
In a nutshell, your interpersonal skills help
you collaborate and work with others, while your
intrapersonal skills help you recognize your own
strengths and weaknesses. Both are soft skills that
contribute greatly to your personal growth, the
ability to set and achieve your goals, and your
overall success in both your personal and
professional lives.
What Are Interpersonal Skills and Why Are
They Important?
Ø Good interpersonal skills boil down to your
power to communicate effectively, work
collaboratively, and create worthwhile
relationships with friends, peers, and clients.
Good interpersonal skills can, therefore, ease
your way both personally and professionally.
Ø Without good interpersonal skills, you may
find it difficult to fit in anywhere or ‘read a
room,” and you can inadvertently damage
your working environment or create friction
that impairs your creativity, productivity, and
value to your team or company.
Ø Good interpersonal skills boil down to your
power to communicate effectively, work
collaboratively, and create worthwhile
relationships.
Ø Professionals with strong interpersonal skills
know how to work with other people.
They’re conscious of everything from their
body language to their tone of voice, not just
the message they’re delivering through their
words.
Some of the top interpersonal skills you need in a
collaborative environment include:
1. Empathy: Your ability to connect with other
people’s feelings and thoughts can help you
bond with your colleagues, boost morale, and
inspire loyalty.
2. Inclusiveness: An important part of team
building, inclusiveness builds a culture of
growth and encourages creative thinking. It
helps others feel safe expressing their ideas.
3. Influence: Your ability to get others to listen to
you and make positive changes can ensure a
better working environment and help you
achieve greater results.
4. Responsiveness: When you respond to requests
for information or concerns promptly and
clearly, you ease the frustrations of others and
show that you value their time, thoughts, and
energy.
What Are Intrapersonal Skills and Why Are
They Important?
Your intrapersonal skills are all about the
internal dialogue you have with yourself. Good
intrapersonal communication skills help you
manage your emotions effectively, set goals,
self-motivate, cope with distractions, strategize and
adjust your approach to any given situation as
needed.
Some of the most important intrapersonal skills
in a collaborative work environment include:
1. Productivity: Your ability to handle your
workload and produce above-average results
stems from your internal strengths and core
motivation.
2. Resilience: When you bounce back from
disappointments and setbacks with ease, you
showcase your inner positivity and power.
3. Resourcefulness: Knowing how to optimize
what you have inspires creativity and helps you
generate new ideas.
How Interpersonal and Intrapersonal Skills
Work Together for Career and Life Success
Intrapersonal skills are a requirement for
consistently good interpersonal skills. After all, if
you don’t understand your own needs, you can’t
easily recognize the needs of others. If you haven’t
taken care of yourself, it can be impossible to put
the focus on others. Your intrapersonal skills, such
as self-awareness, resilience, and positivity, allow
you to better contribute to your team or company.
The confidence you build through
intrapersonal communication conveys a sense to
others that you have yourself together. People
generally trust and enjoy working with other people
that seem to be full of positivity and strength, so
strong intrapersonal skills tend to inspire even
stronger trust and collaboration.
Essentially, your intrapersonal skills involve
self-awareness and an internal dialogue with
yourself that informs your interpersonal skills and
the interactions you have with those around you.
Together, they form the emotional intelligence that
can set you apart from everyone else in your field.
Intrapersonal Intelligence and communication
Skills
Intrapersonal Intelligence
Intrapersonal (‘intra’ – ‘within’) intelligence is the
intelligence of the self. It’s the ability to decipher
and analyze your individual motives, desires,
thoughts, and emotions.
· Self-reflection, self-inquiry, and self-analysis
are all methods of intrapersonal intelligence.
Having this form of intelligence helps you
understand what you want, what you don’t
want, and why you are the way you are.
· Intrapersonal intelligence is a form of
intelligence we all share. The problem is, not
many of us know how to use our
interpersonal intelligence to our advantage.
· Intrapersonal intelligence is the capacity to
explore one's inner world and feelings. This
type of intelligence can help a person focus on
planning and managing their life.
NOTE: Children with high intrapersonal
intelligence potential have an idea of what they
want to achieve and how they can achieve it.
Children with intrapersonal intelligence often score
higher in other types of intelligence too.
For example, someone with intrapersonal
intelligence, such as Albert Einstein or Socrates,
may also have the potential for improved verbal and
numerical intelligence.
In 1983, developmental psychologist Howard
Gardner defined these 8 different types of
intelligence and learning styles according to the
multiple intelligence theory:
Ø Linguistic intelligence
Ø Mathematical intelligence
Ø Existential intelligence
Ø Kinesthetic intelligence
Ø Musical intelligence
Ø Intrapersonal intelligence
Ø Spatial intelligence
Ø Social intelligence
According to Gardner's theory, intelligence is
not a steady phenomenon. People can hold
different types and levels of intelligence.
A person with advanced potential in
mathematical intelligence will understand the world
through mathematics, whereas intrapersonal
intelligence provides the chance to see the world
from a different angle. According to Gardner, a
person who cannot master mathematics cannot be
considered as less successful or intelligent than
someone who can.
On the other hand, Gardner's theory also has
some drawbacks. For example, it is very difficult to
know exactly how many different kinds of
intelligence areas are possible. Likewise, we cannot
speak of a standard intelligence test or an
intrapersonal intelligence test that can reveal these
types of intelligence.
WHAT ARE THE CHARACTERISTICS OF
PEOPLE WITH INTRAPERSONAL
INTELLIGENCE?
The journey to know and understand others
for people with intrapersonal intelligence starts with
knowing their selves. Only after getting to know
oneself will one have a chance to understand other
people, their inner worlds and thoughts.
We cannot define people with intrapersonal
intelligence as narcissistic people. Narcissism is
evaluated as a personality disorder, while
intrapersonal intelligence is not a disorder. In
addition, people with intrapersonal intelligence are
concerned with the environment around them, as
well as with themselves.
Individuals with high intrapersonal
intelligence potential are highly motivated to apply
learnings from life to their own lives and values.
These people are often very determined to achieve
their goals.
Here are some additional characteristics of
people with intrapersonal intelligence:
Ø They can easily apply what they have learned to
their own lives.
Ø They start getting to know other people by
getting to know themselves.
Ø They enjoy being alone and dealing with
something alone.
Ø Their intuition is strong.
Ø Although they are aware of their strengths, they
often do not boast about it.
Ø They are independent and have high
self-confidence.
Ø They can control many feelings, especially
anger.
Ø Young people may be more introverted
compared to their peers.
Ø They like to process the events they’ve
experienced.
Ø They seek to understand their own mistakes in
any negative events they have experienced in
order to avoid similar situations in the future.
Ø They tend to express their feelings and thoughts
in creative ways. For example, through writing
or music.
Ø Development is inevitable for people with high
intrapersonal intelligence potential. They can
constantly look for new life philosophies and
ways to improve themselves.
USEFUL TIPS FOR THE DEVELOPMENT OF
PEOPLE WITH INTRAPERSONAL
INTELLIGENCE
As Howard Gardner said, “Everything worth
learning can be taught in different ways. The
diversity of these methods stimulates multiple
intelligence.”
By using effective learning tools and exercises, you
can always develop your cognitive potential in
different ways.
Children with intrapersonal intelligence are aware
of their intelligence. They know what goals they
want to achieve and what they need to do to achieve
them. They learn from their mistakes and often
enjoy individual work.
How is intrapersonal intelligence developed? What
needs to be done to develop intrapersonal
intelligence potential?
Here are some development suggestions for those
who want to improve their intrapersonal
intelligence:
1- Keep a diary
A diary can help you see what's going on around
you from a different angle. Routinely keeping a
diary also helps create awareness. If it seems old
school to write a diary, it can also be logged using a
voice recorder.
“Writing in a diary reminds you of your goals and
learning in life. It offers a place where you can hold
a deliberate, thoughtful conversation with yourself.”
- Robin Sharma
2- Take thinking breaks
Thinking is one of the greatest abilities of mankind.
You can develop your intrapersonal intelligence
with short thought breaks. It doesn't matter what
you think. You will be shocked by the impact of
thought journeys during your short breaks in a day.
3- Consider all types of intelligence
If we use Howard Gardner's theory of multiple
intelligences, we can say that one person can be
successful in more than one intelligence field. Apart
from your intrapersonal intelligence, you can
improve yourself in many areas, especially visual
and verbal intelligence.
4- Develop social hobbies
Intrapersonal intelligence does not only apply to a
person’s inner thoughts and feelings; people with
high intrapersonal intelligence can also understand
other people's feelings and thoughts, which is a very
important leadership trait.
Children with high intrapersonal intelligence
potential may have difficulty adapting to social
settings, but this is the kind of problem that can be
overcome with social hobbies. More involvement
among social communities can help manage and
eventually eliminate social anxiety.
5- Be involved in personal development activities
or read books
We have mentioned that children with high
intrapersonal intelligence may constantly seek to
develop themselves. To support them, you can help
your child towards personal development activities
and give age-appropriate personal development
books.
Child-friendly workshops are great social activities
for personal development. With this type of
education, children develop the right skillset for
Education 4.0.
What is Intrapersonal Communication?
Intrapersonal communication can be defined
as communication with one’s self, and that may
include self-talk, acts of imagination and
visualization, and even recall and memory
(McLean, 2005). You read on your phone that your
friends are going to have dinner at your favourite
restaurant. What comes to mind? Sights, sounds,
and scents? Something special that happened the
last time you were there? Do you contemplate
joining them? Do you start to work out a plan of
getting from your present location to the restaurant?
Do you send your friends a text asking if they want
company? Until the moment when you hit the
“send” button, you are communicating with
yourself.
Communications expert Leonard Shedletsky
examined intrapersonal communication through the
eight basic components of the communication
process (i.e., source, receiver, message, channel,
feedback, environment, context, and interference) as
transactional, but all the interaction occurs within
the individual (Shedletsky, 1989).
From planning to problem solving, internal
conflict resolution, and evaluations and judgments
of self and others, we communicate with ourselves
through intrapersonal communication. All this
interaction takes place in the mind without
externalization, and all of it relies on previous
interaction with the external world.
Why Is It Important to Focus on Intrapersonal
Intelligence?
Everyone has different strengths, and it’s important
to play to those strengths. But it’s also important to
develop areas where you don’t feel quite as strong.
We need to understand how our minds work so we
can work our minds better
-Jim Kwik, Author of Mindvalley’s Superbrain
Program
The more we understand about the different forms
of intelligence we possess, the better we can wield
them in our everyday lives.
What Does It Mean to Have Intrapersonal
Intelligence?
Believe it or not, intrapersonal intelligence is an
underdeveloped skill for many of us. Everyone
possesses a form of intrapersonal intelligence.
But many of us lack the understanding of how to
use this form of intelligence for our benefit.
What Is an Intrapersonal Intelligent Person?
So, what does someone with strong intrapersonal
intelligence look like? People with intrapersonal
intelligence are often quite introspective. They are
proficient self-analyzers, able to step back and
view themselves with an objective, critical eye.
A person with well-developed intrapersonal
intelligence is in tune with themselves. They want
to learn about and understand themselves better.
They aim to discover why they think, feel, act the
way they do and learn how to influence the habit
patterns and behaviors they don’t like about
themselves as much.
For example, those with intrapersonal
intelligence are often self-disciplined. If you know
someone that’s able to self-motivate and is an
ambitious self-starter, they’re likely exercising their
intrapersonal intelligence.
Someone who’s able to get themselves to the
gym every day or practice meditation on a routine
basis has enough self-knowledge to know what they
need to do to stay motivated and self-disciplined.
That’s intrapersonal intelligence in action.
Activity:
1. From the basic concept of relationship as
defined from interpersonal and intrapersonal
point of view give at least 10 more types of
relationship and explain in your own
understanding.
2. In a family relationship, how do you establish
boundaries? Enumerate at least 5 and justify
your answer.
3. In a friend relationship, how can you show that
you are an active listener at the same time be
open to criticism under a difficult situation?
4. In any relationship how can you maintain a
positive attitude when you are betrayed? Try to
establish the Causal Relationship in this
situation.
5. As a future teacher, through observation, cite
one good example of your experience of a good
relationship that is worth emulating from a
particular teacher. Describe how that teacher
made an impact to your life.