Marriage Conflict Note 1

Marriage conflict is a normal part of married life.
When two people come together in

marriage, conflict is bound to happen. Each person has had different life experience, and
undoubtedly, has different expectations of marriage and from his/her spouse. Therefore, each
one is going to react differently to life’s challenges.1
Marital conflict is not just a difference of opinion. Rather, it is a series of events that have
been poorly handled so as to deeply damage the marriage relationship. Marriage issues have
festered to the point that stubbornness, pride, anger, hurt and bitterness prevent effective
marriage communication.2
(Conflict in a marriage is a common occurrence. Marriage brings two people together, and
conflict is inevitable. Because each person has lived a unique life, they definitely have unique
expectations for marriage and their partner. Each person will therefore respond to the
problems of life in a unique way.
Differing viewpoints are not the only source of marital strife. Instead, a string of unfortunate
incidents have been handled in a way that has seriously harmed the marriage. Marriage
problems have gotten so out of hand that efficient communication is now hindered by pride,
wrath, hurt, and bitterness.)
The root of almost all serious marital discord is selfishness on the part of one or both parties.
Saving a marriage means rejecting selfishness, giving up pride, forgiving hurt and setting
aside bitterness; these steps grow more difficult, so it’s best to avoid the downward spiral of
marital conflict.3
(Almost all major marital strife stems from one or both partners' selfishness. It is essential to
prevent the downward spiral of marital dispute since saving a marriage requires rejecting
selfishness, laying aside pride, forgiving hurt, and putting aside resentment. These stages
become more challenging over time.)
Selfishness
Another way of saying this is that marital issues occur when one party insists upon having his
or her way. While everyone has personal preferences, demanding that one’s self interest
prevails is a choice that always affects the marriage. 4
The marriage relationship grows stronger as couples lovingly share and discuss their
interests, always showing a willingness to sacrifice, but honestly working together to jointly
own the best solution for the marriage.5
1
https://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/marriage-conflict.htm (9/11/2022)
2. https://www.imom.com/the-four-stages-of-marital-conflict/ (9/11/2022)
2
https://www.imom.com/the-four-stages-of-marital-conflict/ (9/11/2022)
3
4
5
Another way to put it is that conflicts in marriages arise when one partner insists on getting
their way. Even though everyone has distinct preferences, insisting on one's own self-interest
always has an impact on the marriage.
Couples who sincerely work together to find the best solution for their marriage and who
sincerely share and discuss their interests with one another strengthen their marriage
partnership.)
Marriage is also a union of two individuals who have come together from different families,
each with a different set of expectations concerning marriage. Both spouses have been shaped
by positive and negative experiences within their own childhood homes. Because of this,
each has a predetermined idea about how conflict should be handled, the value of money
management, religion, having children, and what it means to love someone. 6
(Marriage is also the joining of two people who have come from various backgrounds, each
with their own unique aspirations for marriage. Positive and unpleasant events in their own
childhood homes have influenced both of the couple's personalities. Because of this,
everyone has preconceived notions about how to handle disagreements, the importance of
managing money, religion, having children, and what it means to love someone.)
Unmet expectations
Expectations – both unmet and sometimes unreasonable, often give a rise to major conflicts
in a marriage. One partner assumes the other to be a mind reader and to be sharing same
expectations. Frustration creeps in sneakily when things and events don’t go the way we
expected them to roll out.7
9. Expectations.
We all go into marriage with certain expectations. Most of the time, marriage is the opposite
of what we expected. We romanticize marriage and become disillusioned once those
romantic expectations aren’t met. Unmet expectations are a major source of conflict in
marriages.8
(Unmet and perhaps excessive expectations frequently lead to serious problems in marriages.
One partner assumes the other has the same expectations and is a mind reader. When things
and situations don't unfold as we had hoped, frustration subtly seeps in.
9. Predictions.
Everybody entering a marriage has certain expectations. Marriage frequently turns out to be
the complete opposite of our expectations. When our romantic expectations of marriage aren't
6
https://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/christian-premarital-counseling-faq.htm (9/11/2022)
7
Rachael Pace, “Causes for Conflict in Marriage and How to Resolve Them,” British Library EThOS - Search and
order theses online (9/11/2022)
8
Cathy Meyer, “ Marital Problems That Cause Divorce,” https://www.liveabout.com/marital-problems-that-
cause-divorce-1102945 (10/11/2022)
met, we become disappointed. Conflict in marriages frequently results from unfulfilled
expectations.)
Conflicting standpoints on the subject of children
Children are a lovely addition to a family. But the same children, who are looked at as an
extension of yourself can be the escalation point for some serious marital conflict. One
spouse may experience a strong need to extend the family, while the other spouse may want
to stall it for a time when they feel they have a stronger financial stability.
Parenting has its share of challenges, and there could be conflicting views over schooling,
saving for the future education, drawing a line between what is a necessary, non-negotiable
childbearing expenditure over what’s superfluous.9
(Families are made better by the presence of children. However, those same kids, who you
view as an extension of yourself, can become a major source of marital discord. One spouse
might have a strong need to grow the family, while the other might want to put it off until
they feel more financially secure.
Parenting has its share of difficulties, and there may be divergent opinions regarding
education, education savings, and how much is necessary for childbearing and how much is
unnecessary.)
Children.
Discipline, diet, and other parenting issues can be sources of disagreement between couples.
A child is the number one stressor in a marriage and can accentuate differences in beliefs on
issues like how to discipline, who is responsible for most of the child care or what
educational options to choose.
And, there is the matter of lost sleep, who has to change dirty diapers, run after them when
they start walking and the exorbitant cost of daycare. It's easy to see who children can put a
strain on even the best marriage. 10
(Couples may dispute about parenting matters like discipline, food, and others. A child is the
biggest stressor in a marriage and can highlight ideological differences on topics like
discipline, who should provide the majority of child care, and educational possibilities.
In addition, there are the issues of lost sleep, having to change soiled diapers, having to chase
after them once they start walking, and the astronomical price of daycare. It is simple to
understand how children may strain even the best marriage.)
Inability to manage marriage finances
Issues centered around marriage finances, if unresolved can shake the foundation of the most
stable marriages.
9
10
cause-divorce-1102945 (10/11/2022)
A marriage can derail because of money issues and lead straight up to a divorce! According
to a study, it is corroborated that 22% of the divorces are attributed to marriage finances,
close to the heels of reasons like infidelity and incompatibility.
Breakdown in communication
Approach communication in marriage with a problem-solving attitude. Do not try to drive
home a point, defensively. Recognize and acknowledge your part in the conflict. Seek
clarification only after you have listened attentively to your spouse. Expectation settings are a
great way to avoid misunderstandings.11
(Unresolved financial issues in a marriage have the potential to undermine even the strongest
foundations.
Money problems can cause a marriage to fall apart and end in divorce. A survey has
confirmed that 22% of divorces are related to marital money, following closely behind factors
like adultery and incompatibility.
Lack of communication
When communicating in a marriage, have a problem-solving mindset. Avoid attempting to
make a defensive point. Recognize and accept your contribution to the conflict. Only after
you've listened carefully to your spouse should you ask for clarification. Setting expectations
is an excellent strategy to prevent misunderstandings.)
Common Causes of Marital Problems
Marital problems are common and can happen for a variety of reasons. In some cases, the
issue might end up as the reason for a divorce. In other cases, the problems are resolved if
both spouses are willing to make an effort to address them. Here are some of the most
common marital problems between spouses.
There are many common problems in married life, and many of them can be avoided, fixed,
or resolved using many different methods and techniques.
Take a look at the most common marital issues married couples face, and learn how to solve
marriage problems before they cause irreparable damage to your relationship.
(There are many different reasons why marriages can have troubles. The problem could, in
some circumstances, lead to a divorce. In other situations, if both partners are ready to make
an attempt to fix the issues, they can be solved. Here are a few of the most typical issues that
arise in marriages.
Many of the usual issues that arise in marriage can be avoided, rectified, or handled utilising
a variety of approaches and strategies.
Look at the most typical marital problems that married people have, and discover effective
solutions before your relationship suffers irreversible harm.)
11
1. Money Problems
Money problems are a common cause of marital problems. A difference in opinion about
saving and spending habits can create tension. Problems can also arise due to a drastic
difference in income between spouses. When one person makes more money than the other,
they may start to feel resentful about the hours they put in at work. They may also start to
think they have more “right” to the money and can spend it however they want.
If you’re experiencing money problems, it may be a good idea to consult with a financial
advisor to help you agree on how to spend and save.12
(Marital issues are frequently brought on by financial issues. Tension may arise from
disagreements over spending and saving practises. A significant wage gap between spouses
might also cause issues. When one person earns more money than the other, they could begin
to feel resentful toward the amount of time they devote to their jobs. Additionally, people
might begin to believe they are more "entitled" to the money and can use it anyway they like.
It could be a good idea to speak with a financial counsellor if you're having financial
difficulties so they can assist you come to an agreement on how to spend and save.)
Money problems.
Most couples argue over bills, debt, spending, and other financial issues. How you decide to
deal with money problems in your marriage will determine whether those problems has a
negative or positive effect on your marriage.13
2. Lack of Intimacy
Intimacy in marriage is important and also one of the most common causes of marital
problems. A lack of intimacy isn’t a reason to cheat. However, lack of sex can result in a loss
of connection. It can also make the other person feel unwanted or unloved. If you are no
longer interested in being intimate, consider talking to your doctor or seeking out a therapist
who specializes in these issues.14
(Most couples fight over money-related issues like bills, debt, spending, and other matters.
The way you choose to handle your financial issues as a couple will influence whether they
have a positive or bad impact on your marriage.
2. Intimacy is lacking
Marriage intimacy is crucial and one of the main sources of marital issues. Lack of intimacy
is not a justification for cheating. However, a loss of connection may occur if there is no
intercourse. Additionally, it could make the other person feel unloved or undesired. Consider
speaking with your doctor or finding a therapist who specialises in these areas if you no
longer desire intimacy.)
12
https://bestlegalchoices.com/6-common-causes-of-marital-problems/ (10/11/2022)
13
cause-divorce-1102945 (10/11/2022)
14
Change in Appearance
As we grow older, we change. Things like gaining (or losing) weight, age, stress, and
genetics all affect how we age. While you might want your spouse to look and act the same
forever, this isn’t going to happen. Holding someone to this unrealistic expectation sets up the
marriage for arguments and disappointment.(FN 12)
(We evolve as we become older. Age, stress, heredity, and weight gain or loss are all factors
that influence how we age. Even though you might want it, your spouse won't always look
and act the same. Holding someone to this unreasonable standard can only lead to fights and
disillusionment in the marriage.)
5. Fertility Struggles
Many couples assume when they’re ready to have children, it will be an easy process.
Unfortunately, some experience challenges when they try to start a family – health issues,
genetics, changes in priorities, and more. Sometimes a baby doesn’t come when or how you
want.(FN12)
Even though your plans for children may have been different, there are options to discuss
with your spouse. Adoption or in vitro fertilization may be possible. Sometimes children
aren’t an option, no matter how much you wish for them.(FN12)
(Many couples believe that having children will be a simple procedure when they are ready.
Unfortunately, some people struggle when they want to have a family due to problems with
their health, genetics, shifting priorities, and more. A baby may not always arrive when or
how you expect. (FN12)
Even though your child-rearing intentions may have been different, you and your partner
have options to consider. It might be feasible to use in vitro fertilisation or adopt. Having
children isn't always a possibility, no matter how much you want them.)
6. Poor Communication
Lack of communication can be one of the toughest marital problems to work through.
Learning to effectively communicate with each other takes effort and understanding.
If communication is a frequent marital problem you’re facing, you may want to find someone
unbiased such as a therapist to help you improve your communication. In addition to them
helping you understand each other better, they can give you exercises to make
communication less frustrating for both of you. Taking the time to address this issue will
make all other areas of marriage easier to navigate.15
(One of the most difficult marital issues to resolve is a lack of communication. It requires
work and awareness to learn how to interact with one another effectively.
If poor communication is a recurring issue in your marriage, you might want to hire a third
party, such as a therapist, to help you. They can provide you activities to make
communication less frustrating for both of you in addition to aiding in your mutual
understanding. All other aspects of marriage will be simpler to manage if you take the time to
fix this problem.)
15
Communication problems
Lack of communication is one of the most common problems in marriage.
Communication encompasses both verbal and non-verbal cues, which is why even if you
have known someone for a long time, a slight change in the facial expression or any other
form of body language can be misunderstood.
Men and women communicate very differently and can fall into a habitat of improper
communication. If such relationship or marriage issues are allowed to fester, then the sanctity
of marriage is definitely at stake.
Healthy communication is the foundation for success in marriage.16
(One of the main issues in marriage is a lack of communication.
Even if you have known someone for a long time, a little change in facial expression or any
other kind of body language can lead to misunderstandings because communication
comprises both verbal and non-verbal indicators.
Men and women interact extremely differently and are prone to developing bad
communication habits. The purity of marriage is unquestionably in jeopardy if such marital or
relationship problems are allowed to fester.
Successful marriages are built on a foundation of good communication.)
Infidelity
It’s not uncommon for a marital relationship to be tested if a spouse has been unfaithful. Even
internet relationships, which can rise to the level of “emotional affairs,” have been known to
cause marital issues.17
Infidelity
Infidelity is one of the most common marriage problems in relationships. The most recent
data suggests that about 20 percent of interviewed men admitted to cheating on their partner
compared to 10 percent of women. It includes cheating and having emotional affairs.
(A spouse's infidelity can put a marriage to the test, which is not unusual. Even online
romances, which have been known to become "emotional affairs," can lead to marital
problems.
Infidelity
One of the most prevalent marital issues in couples is infidelity. According to the most recent
data, compared to 10% of women, roughly 20% of men who were asked acknowledged to
having an extramarital affair. Cheating and having emotional affairs are among them.)
Other instances included in infidelity are one-night stands, physical infidelity, internet
relationships, and long and short-term affairs. Infidelity occurs in a relationship for many
16
Rachael Pace, “Common Marriage Problems Faced by Couples & Their Solutions,“
https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/8-common-problems-in-married-life/ (10/11/2022)
17
different reasons; it is a common problem and one that various couples are struggling to find
a solution to.18
8. Inconsistent Religious Beliefs
There will always be different perspectives within your marriage, but differences in core
beliefs and values may become too big to ignore. One spouse may get frustrated with always
having to do religious activities separately, especially if you both attend different places of
worship.19
(One-night stands, physical infidelity, online connections, and both long-term and short-term
encounters are further examples of adultery. Infidelity arises in a relationship for a variety of
reasons; it is a prevalent issue for which many couples are unable to come up with a solution.
8. Religious Beliefs That Vary
Although there will always be divergent viewpoints inside your marriage, there may
eventually be too many to overlook. Particularly if you both go to different places of worship,
one partner can grow weary of always having to do religious activities separately.)
Sexual differences
Physical intimacy is indispensable in a long-term relationship, but it’s also the root cause of
one of the most common marriage problems of all time, sexual problems. Sexual problems
can occur in a relationship for several reasons paving the way for subsequently more
marriage problems.
The most common sexual problem within a marriage is a loss of libido. Many people are
under the impression that only women experience issues with libido, but men also experience
the same.
In other instances, sexual problems can be due to the sexual preferences of a spouse. One
person in the relationship may prefer different sexual things than the other spouse, making
the other spouse uncomfortable.20
(In a long-term partnership, physical intimacy is essential, but it's also the main source of
sexual problems, which are among the most prevalent marital issues ever. For a variety of
causes, sexual issues in a relationship can arise, setting the stage for later marital issues.
The loss of libido is the most typical sexual issue in marriages. Many people mistakenly
believe that libido problems are only a woman's problem, however they can also affect guys.
In other cases, a spouse's sexual preferences may be the cause of a sexual issue. It's possible
that one partner in a relationship prefers different sexual activities from the other, which
makes the other partner uncomfortable.)
18
19
20
Sex.
Frequency, quantity, quality, and infidelity are all common sources of stress and disharmony
in a marriage. Withholding sex to punish a spouse, breaks the marital bond. Cheating on a
spouse destroys trust. Sex can be a HUGE issue when it comes to undoing the vows you
took.21
(Infidelity is a frequent cause of stress and discord in marriages, as are frequency, quantity,
quality, and infidelity. The marital bond is broken when a spouse is punished by being denied
sex. Trust is ruined when a spouse cheats. Sex can be a major problem when it comes to
breaking your vows.)
Stress
Stress is a common marriage problem that most couples will face at least once within their
relationship. Many different situations can cause stress within relationships and instances,
including financial, family, mental, and illness.
Financial problems can stem from a spouse losing their job or being demoted from their job.
Stress from family can include children, problems with their family, or the spouse’s family.
Many different things trigger stress.
How stress is managed and handled could create more stress.(FN18)
(Most couples will experience stress as a marital issue at some point during their partnership.
Financial, family, mental, and physical conditions are just a few of the many circumstances
that can lead to stress in relationships and other situations.
Financial difficulties may result from a spouse losing their job or getting fired. Children,
issues with their relatives, and the family of the spouse can all cause family stress. There are
numerous factors that cause stress.
Stress levels may increase depending on how it is handled and managed.)
Jealousy
Jealousy is another common marriage problem that causes a marriage to turn sour. Being
with them and around them can become a challenge if you have an overly jealous partner.
Jealousy is suitable for any relationship to an extent, as long as it is not overly jealous. Such
individuals will be overbearing: they may question who you are talking to on the phone, why
you are talking to them, how you know them and how long you have known them, etc.
(FN18)
(Another typical marital issue that destabilises marriages is jealousy. It can be difficult to be
with them and around them if your partner is extremely possessive.
As long as it is not excessively jealous, jealousy can be somewhat appropriate in any
relationship. Such people will be intrusive; they might inquire as to whom you are speaking
with on the phone, why you are speaking with them, how and how long you have known
them, etc.)
21
cause-divorce-1102945 (10/11/2022)
Selfish behavior
Even though selfishness can be efficiently dealt with by making minor changes in your
attitude towards your spouse, it is still a widespread marriage problem.
A big part of being in a relationship is melding your life with another person and their
priorities. Couples often find this transition difficult as collective priorities can clash with
personal ones, which can cause problems.22
Family.
In-laws, siblings, children and step-children can all create stress within a marriage. When
coping with negative issues because of family step gently. Our spouse should come first but
there are times you have to be willing to take a backseat and bite your tongue.23
(Even though selfishness is a common marital issue, it can be effectively resolved by making
little adjustments to your attitude toward your spouse.
Integrating your life with that of the other person and their priorities is a huge aspect of being
in a relationship. This adjustment can be challenging for couples since there may be conflicts
between personal and group priorities.
Family.
Siblings, children, stepchildren, and in-laws can all strain a marriage. Step lightly when
dealing with problems brought on by family. Our spouses should come first, but there are
moments when you have to be prepared to bite your tongue and take a backseat.)
Causes of marriage problems
Have you ever asked yourself, “Why is marriage so hard?” If yes, then you should know that
it is common marital problems such as these that make the marriage tough.
Now that you know the most common marital problems, it is important to identify the causes
of such problems as well. The 5 common causes of marital problems include –
(Have you ever wondered why marriage is so difficult? If so, you should be aware that
frequent marital issues like these are what make marriages difficult.
Now that you are aware of the most frequent marital issues, it is crucial to pinpoint their root
causes as well. The following are the top 5 reasons for marital issues:)
1. Miscommunication
One of the most common causes of marital problems includes lack of communication or
miscommunication. If you are unclear about your feelings, boundaries, and expectations in
your marriage, you are likely to encounter marital problems.
22
23
cause-divorce-1102945 (10/11/2022)
2. Unrealistic expectations
Not having clear expectations about the marriage, or the partnership, or how things work
between the two of you can also lead to marital troubles.
3. Lack of privacy
If you and your partner go out of the relationship and discuss every aspect of it with parents,
children, friends, or even siblings, it could cause marital problems. Your relationship does not
have to be a secret, but some matters should be private between just the two of you.
(Lack of communication or miscommunication is one of the most frequent reasons for marital
issues. You are more prone to experience marital issues if you are not clear about your
sentiments, limits, and expectations in your marriage.
2. Exaggerated expectations
Having unclear expectations about your relationship, your marriage, or how things will
function between the two of you can potentially cause problems in your marriage.
Insufficient privacy
It could lead to marital issues if you and your partner step outside of the relationship and talk
about every facet of it with your parents, kids, friends, or even your siblings. Although
certain issues should be kept private between the two of you, your relationship does not have
to be kept a secret.)
4. Arguments
If you and your spouse only argue and never discuss the problems you are experiencing, it
could become a huge cause of marital discord.
5. Dishonesty
If you and your partner are not honest about your feelings, if you lie or hide things from each
other, it could cause marriage problems.24
(If you and your partner never talk about the issues you are facing, it could lead to a lot of
marital strife.
5. Deception
If you and your spouse lie to one another or withhold information from one another, it may
lead to marital issues.)
---------------------------
Marriage
24
According to David and Marzio, Marriage is a basic institution in every society, and in every
complete and socially, they become prone to disharmony, misunderstanding, society
governed by law, marriage exists as a public legal, not merely or misrepresentation of issues
concerning their married life. a private romantic declaration or religious rite.
According to Esere (2008), marriage is a partnership contract marital discord, which happens
most of the times because of without escape clause.
(Marriage, in the opinion of David and Marzio, is a fundamental institution in every society,
and in every complete and socially, they become vulnerable to discord, misunderstanding,
society governed by law, marriage exists as a public legal, not merely or misrepresentation of
issues pertaining to their married life. a personal vow of love or rite of passage.
Marriage is a partnership contract, and marital strife most frequently occurs because there is
no exit provision, according to Esere (2008).)
According to Nwobi (1997) opines that marriage is a union orthodox and idiotic mindset of
the society. The male dominating between two opposite sex and it is a relation, which is
culturally society still believes that women are physically and emotionally approved, an
endorsement of sexual intercourse and sexual weaker than the males, though it is proved fact
that women are nocommitment between spouses exclusive of other males and
females25(1013)
(Nwobi (1997) asserts that marriage is a partnership that reflects the traditional and foolish
social thinking. The male dominating between two opposite sex and it is a relationship, which
cultural society still believes that women are physically and emotionally approved, an
endorsement of sexual activity, and sexually weaker than the males, despite the fact that it
has been proven that women are not committed between spouses exclusively of other males
and females.)
Marital Discord/conflict (Causes)
Domestic Violence
Domestic violence is one of the important factors responsible for marital discord, which
happens most of the times because of without orthodox and idiotic mindset of the society.
The male dominating society still believes that women are physically and emotionally weaker
than the males, though it is proved fact that women are no where less as compared to men.
Such violence also include property disputes, mind set differences, dowry, inter-caste marriage,
alcoholism, etc. Many a times, only alcoholism has been proved a major factor that sucks the
marital harmony of a couple as it triggers conflicts between couple and further results in
violence (verbal, physical and mental). 26 (1013)
(One of the key contributing elements to marital disagreement is domestic violence, which frequently
occurs as a result of society's unorthodox and foolish thinking. Despite the fact that it has been proven that
women are no less capable than men, the male-dominated culture still holds that women are emotionally
25
Alkesh Kumar and Asha Rani, “Marital discord causes and impact of counseling on married couples,” Indian
Journal of health and Wellbeing 2015, 6(10), 1013-1015.
26
and physically weaker than men. Other causes of such violence include alcoholism, dowries, inter-caste
marriages, property disputes, and mentality differences. Only alcoholism has repeatedly been shown to
be a significant element that undermines a couple's marital peace because it causes disagreements that
eventually lead to violence (verbal, physical and mental))
Marital Disharmony
Both literate and illiterate couples may have discrepancies in their views concerning marital
disharmony, as it concerns their values and marriage expectations (Ibeh, 2013). In other
words, both literacy and illiteracy may cause marital disharmony. Besides, many other factors
may also be responsible for marital disharmony. Couples suffering from unresolved family of
marital disputes may go for divorce but it should be opted only in extreme cases where there
is unbearable cruelty, desertion, mental illness, impotency, infertility, infidelity, or where
resolving problems is impossible. One must try to resolve problems through counseling,
which is the best way to deal with the source of stress.27 (1013)
(As it relates to their values and marriage expectations, literate and illiterate spouses may
hold different opinions about marital discord (Ibeh, 2013). So both literacy and illiteracy can
contribute to marital discord. In addition, there are a variety of other variables that could be to
blame for marital discord. Unresolved family and marital conflicts may lead to divorce,
although it should only be pursued in the most extreme circumstances, such as those
involving unconscionable cruelty, desertion, mental illness, impotence, infertility, infidelity,
or situations in which resolving issues is impossible. The greatest strategy to deal with the
cause of stress is to attempt and settle issues through counselling.)
Marriage Counseling
Marriage counseling or couples therapy, a type of psychotherapy, could be utilized as a
strategy for resolving the marital disharmony, as it helps the couples to resolve all types of
conflict and to improve their relationships. Agbe (1998) stated that counseling for marriage
and in marriage should be given to couples to avoid marital problems such as love, genotype, sex
and communication among others. In fact, couples should be helped to maintain love for which
they were married and to avoid disharmony.28 (1013)
(Couples therapy, a subtype of psychotherapy that helps couples work through all kinds of conflict
and strengthen their relationships, could be used as a way to end marital discord. According to
Agbe (1998), couples should have counselling before and during marriage in order to prevent
issues with love, genotype, sex, and communication, among other things. In reality, it is important
to support married couples in keeping the harmony and love for which they were married.
27
28
Conflict in marriage is inevitable. Whenever two people get together eventually some of the
belief system and personal habits of one will annoy the other, regardless of the degree of
love. In healthy relationships couples tend to accept and resolve conflict. 29
Marital conflict can be defined as the state of tension or stress between marital partners as the
couple try to carry out their marital roles. Marital conflict may be described as a struggle,
clash, strife, disagreement or quarrel between husband and wife, and sometimes with other
members of the household, over opposing needs, ideas, beliefs, values or goals Cummings (2)
(In any marriage, there will be conflict. Regardless of the level of love, when two individuals
get together, ultimately parts of one's beliefs and personal habits will irritate the other.
Couples in wholesome relationships typically accept and deal with disagreement.
As a couple attempts to fulfil their marital responsibilities, marital conflict can be defined as a
condition of stress or tension between the partners. A fight, collision, strife, disagreement, or
argument between a husband and wife, and occasionally with other family members, over
divergent needs, wants, views, values, or objectives is referred to as marital conflict,
according to Cummings.)
Marital conflict comes in different forms like spouse battering, spousal abuse, sexual abuse,
marital irresponsibility, incest, rape, subtle struggle for control between the couple and other
abusive behaviours and also caused by childlessness, forced marriage, incompatibility,
communication gap, interference by in-laws, finances, infidelity, sex of children, lack of
appreciation etc.(3)30
(The causes of marital conflict can range from childlessness, forced marriage,
incompatibility, communication issues, interference from in-laws, finances, infidelity, child
sex, lack of appreciation, and other abusive behaviours to marital irresponsibility, incest,
rape, and other subtle power struggles between the couple.)
Physical Problem
conflict in marriage can lead to poorer health conditions and the risk of certain diseases, such
as heart disease, as well as cancer and chronic pains. Furthermore, conflicts in marriages can
affect family life in different ways, e.g., it may decrease the performance of the parents and
the compatibility of the children and increase conflicts among all family members.(3)
Causes
Economic factors
29
Abelneh Shemaye and Koye kassa Getahun, “Marital conflict among couples: The case of Durbete Town,
Amhara Region, Ethiopia ,” Cogent Psychology 2021, 8: 1903127, 1-17.
30
Most of the interviewees indicated that the issue of use of money occurs when the couples are
different in their way to spend or save money. Most of the time,, husbands use more money
than wives without the consent of the wives. (8) 31
(Marriage disagreement can worsen health and increase the likelihood of developing certain
diseases, including heart disease, as well as cancer and chronic pain. Additionally, marital
problems can have a variety of effects on family life, such as lowering parental effectiveness,
reducing kid compatibility, and escalating conflicts amongst all family members. (3)
Causes
economic variables
The majority of those surveyed claimed that when spouses have diverse ways of spending or
saving money, there is a problem with how that money is used. The majority of the time,
husbands spend more money than wives do without their wives' permission.)
Caring kids and communication barriers –

The interviewees forwarded that couples usually raised conflict because of how to discipline
their own children, how much to discipline them and how to meet their requests. And also
communication problems are crucial in marriage. According to the interviewees, most of the
time couples are not communicating effectively and quickly.(8)
(How to discipline one's own children, how harshly to reprimand them, and how to comply
with their wishes are common causes of conflict between couples. Additionally, a marriage's
communication issues are quite important. Most of the time, couples don't communicate
clearly and fast, according to the interviews. )
Consequences
Both the husband and wife are often experiencing emotional problems like distrust,
insecurity, lack of intimacy, confusion over sexuality or gender, guilt, faithlessness, and
loneliness. In addition, when the couples disturb themselves, their children become stressed,
irritable, distressed, and the like. Moreover from my experience I understood that, when
children grow up in disturbance families, they develop doubt about love and harmony in a
relationship and become highly vulnerable to substance abuse”. I also have information that
children from conflicting families are absent from school, develop delinquent behavior, loss
of control, isolation, low self-esteem, and hopelessness(10) 32
(Both the husband and the wife frequently struggle with emotional issues like suspicion, lack
of intimacy, confusion over their sexual or gender identities, guilt, faithlessness, and
loneliness. Additionally, the couples' children experience tension, irritability, distress, and
other negative emotions when they are disturbed. In addition, I learned from my experience
that kids from troubled homes have trouble believing in love and harmony in relationships
and are far more likely to consume drugs. I also know that kids from tense homes miss
31
32
school, exhibit delinquent conduct, lose control, socialise poorly, have low self-esteem, and
feel hopeless.)-----------------------------
Introduction
Marital conflicts do not escalate very far, they are often perceived as a. threat to marital
quality of life. Conflicts may damage the material status and/or the prestige of one or both
parties. Furthermore, they do not fit the idealistic image of internal harmony within families.
Conflict resolution, whether by family mediation, negotiation, or arbitration, is one strategy,
to combat poor quality of life in families.33(499)
(Although marital disputes rarely get worse, they are frequently seen as one. threat to the
happiness of the marriage. Conflicts may harm one or both sides' prestige and/or material
standing. Additionally, they don't conform to the idealised picture of harmony among
families. One tactic to address low family quality of life is conflict resolution, whether
through family mediation, negotiation, or arbitration.) ----------------
Spiritual
Communication
Healthy couples communicate well. They spend time with each other, know each other well,
and are up to date on each other's feelings and thoughts (Gordon, 1993; Gottman, 1999a).
They do not take each other for granted, they appreciate and continue to be curious about the
unique mystety of each other, and work to keep their relationship fresh. They take time to
create a shared vision and reach consensus on shared values (Covey, 1997). They practice
effective sender skills (speak for self; express feelings, thoughts, intentions; report
completely; send congruent messages) and listener skills (attentively listen; indicate messages
heard; paraphrase; checkout; attend to affect and content). Good communications allow them
to stay in healthy connection. Marital rituals play a significant role in facihtating
communication and maintaining their connectedness.(46)34
(Communication is strong in happy relationships. They spend time together, are well
acquainted with one another, and are aware of one another's sentiments and ideas (Gordon,
1993; Gottman, 1999a). They endeavour to keep their relationship fresh, do not take one
other for granted, and enjoy and remain intrigued about each other's special qualities. It takes
time for them to develop a shared vision and come to an understanding of shared values
(Covey, 1997). Effective sender skills (speaking for oneself, expressing feelings, thoughts,
and intentions, reporting fully, and sending congruent messages) and listener skills are put
into practise (attentively listen; indicate messages heard; paraphrase; checkout; attend to
affect and content). They can maintain a good connection thanks to effective communication.
Marriage traditions are important for facilitating communication and keeping couples
bonded.)
Commitment
33
George P. Mueller, “Conflict Buffers and Marital Satisfaction: on the Effects of Happiness of Social Support,”
Journal of Happiness Studies (2006) 7: 499–515.
34
Paul Giblin, “Marital Health and Spirituality,” (Chicago: Loyola University, 2001), 46.
Healthy couples have a strong commitment to each other. This commitment is more than a
sense of obligation, constraint, or a one-time life decision. It is a dedication or devotion to
their shared growth and wellbeing. This dynamic sense of commitment influences daily
choices, needs to be renewed when it languishes, generates a long-term perspective to
marriage, and contributes to a profound sense of unity.(47)
Friendship and Intimacy
Partners report a high degree of friendship and intimacy, they have fun with and enjoy
spending time together; they are sensitive to each other's needs and trust and rely on each
other. At the same time they are able to voice their own needs, feelings, and thoughts.(48)35
(Healthy relationships are marked by a strong sense of commitment. This commitment goes
beyond a sense of duty, restriction, or a one-time life choice. It represents a commitment to
their mutual improvement and well-being. This vibrant sense of commitment shapes daily
decisions, necessitates renewal when it wanes, creates a long-term view of marriage, and
fosters a strong sense of oneness. (47) Closeness and Friendship
High levels of intimacy and friendliness are reported by partners. They also enjoy their time
together, are considerate of one another's needs, and can rely on one another. They are able to
express their own needs, feelings, and thoughts at the same time.)
Sexuality
Sexuality is an important means for couples to create and maintain intimacy. Their sexual life
reflects the other dimensions of their lives, i.e., their ability to give and receive, ask for what
they want, deal with differences and disappointment, express anger, stay current with
conflicts, share feelings, and be vulnerable (Schnarch, 1997). A healthy marriage has a
satisfying sexual relationship.(49)
(Couples often use their sexuality to establish and maintain intimacy. Their capacity to give
and receive, ask for what they want, deal with disagreements and disappointment, express
anger, stay on top of problems, share sentiments, and be vulnerable are all reflected in their
sexual lives (Schnarch, 1997). There is a fulfilling sexual relationship in a happy marriage. )
Suggestions to Support Marital Well-Being
Shared Dreams:
Partners commit to once or twice a week sharing their dreams with each other. Dreams are
often referred to as "God's language" or "the language ofthe spirit." (60)
Prayer and/or Meditation Practice:
Couples are invited to develop individual as well as shared prayer and meditation practices.
An assumption ofthe author is that while most partners pray for each other and for their
families, very few actually pray with each other. Couples are invited to share their faith with
each other and with other couples.(61)36
35
36
(Partners agree to discussing their dreams once or twice a week. The phrase "God's language"
or "the language of the spirit" is frequently used to describe dreams. (60)
The development of both individual and joint prayer and meditation habits is encouraged for
couples. The author makes the assumption that while most couples pray for one another and
for their families, very few of them truly pray together. Couples are encouraged to discuss
their religious beliefs with one another and with other couples.)
Forgiveness and Reconciliation:
Couples arc encouraged to develop and/or celebrate their strategies for repairing hurts,
seeking and offering forgiveness; they are invited to reflect on their learning about
forgiveness in their respective families of origin and to recognize obstacles that block their
forgiveness processes. Couples are invited to develop regular rituals of repair and/or to
participate in religious tradition rituals as a pair. Catholic partners or families might
participate in reconciliation services together. (62)
(Couples are invited to reflect on how they learned about forgiveness in their respective
families of origin and to identify roadblocks that prevent their forgiveness processes. They
are encouraged to develop and/or celebrate their strategies for mending wounds, asking for
forgiveness, and giving forgiveness. Couples are encouraged to establish consistent rituals of
reconciliation and/or to take part in religious tradition ceremonies together. Catholic couples
or families may attend liturgies for reconciliation together.)
Couple Spiritual Direction:
In some religious traditions there is a growing practice of meeting with a spiritual director to
talk about and nurture one's spiritual life. Couples might consider approaching this practice as
a pair, with the director paying particular attention to what 61 God and the marriage is asking
of them. Joint participation in retreats might support this practice.(62)37
(Meeting with a spiritual director to discuss and support one's spiritual life is a rising practise
in certain religious traditions. Couples might think about going through this activity together,
with the director paying close attention to what the other person is being asked to do. Retreats
that involve group participation may help this practice.)
37

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Marriage conflict is a normal part of married life.

When two people come together in

Caring kids and communication barriers –

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