Sun Circling

I am an only child. I didn't have a lot of people around me who were the same age.
When I was younger, I sought out connections with family members. My cousins are a
very important part of who I am. I’m overjoyed whenever they get to visit.

My cousins would come up every summer to work on the train. , though I love
them I would still run to my bedroom and pretend they weren't there. It was partly
because they would flip me over their back and hang me upside down but the very next
day I would want to be around them the whole day. This one summer, my cousin brought
up his girlfriend at the time, and I was very nervous because I’m not very
“friendly when people meet me. Even though I was nervous I was open to getting to
know her because he was one of my favorite cousins that I had, so I found her important.

We were getting ready to go on the train with Michaela (his girlfriend) and my
cousin Sam. I had second thoughts about going because my parents and grandparents
weren’t coming, it was just going to be us. No one could understand me when I was
younger, so they didn’t know how anxious I felt. I was in my own world and had a speech
impairment, which made it very hard for me to connect with people. I also had a hearing
impairment, so I couldn’t understand other people, either. I was very nervous about how
she would like me. The train stopped to get water and Sam went somewhere, and it was
just Michaela and me. We were eating breadsticks. As I looked out the window I saw a
chipmunk sitting on a rock. I asked her if we could feed it some of the breadstick crumbs.
She said yes we started giving the chipmunk crumbs. In the moment it felt like all my
fear wisped away.

They were leaving to go back to Boise. As she was walking out the door I hugged
her, which was big for me because it was only 2 days since they were here. It showed
how close and comfortable I was with her, in such a short time. When they finally left my
parent congratulated me they were proud and surprised but never the less happy to see me
growing.

A few years later, Sam came back to Durango by himself on the last day he was
here. He shows me the ring he was going to propose to Michaela with. He asked me to be
a bridesmaid. I was very happy that he asked me but it would be the first wedding that I
ever went to. I told him that I needed to think about it. The biggest worry was standing
the whole time I heard that weddings were long. I already had a hard time standing for a
long time but with heels, it felt like I could mess up the whole event by moving too much
or accidentally sitting down. After a week I said that I would, I wanted to be part of my
cousin's big day. I felt joyous that my cousin picked me out to stand with them and I got
to help her join our family. I look forward to seeing her when I can.

I think back a lot to the day I hugged her. I don't think I’ll ever forget it. Thinking
back on it I realize it is a core memory. I’m still surprised that I gave her a hug when I
was younger. I don’t think I would have done that if I met her now. Not because of any
specific reason I am more nervous around people even though my hearing and speech are
better, I’m still self-conscious about talking to people. My palms get sweaty and I make
way too much eye contact to the point it's creepy and I know it is. If I could choose to
have all my worries disappear, I would, but I don’t think that would make me human
anymore. I wish I could hang on to my child-like mind while still having more of the
social skills to succeed in my passions.
Artist Statement
I want to take a picture of the train tracks because I feel where the whole center of
the story took place. I also want it to look a little like a dream. Realistic with a twist, so I
edited it to be a little pink. To give that dream look.