Terminological inexactitudes: handy translations of Whitehall jargon (Vol.

I)

Civil Service World presents our new, regular guide to the very best in Whitehallese

The minister appreciated your submission, which s/he read without comment

It definitely went into the red box, and then came out again. Was it looked at? Your guess is as good
as mine. Often signifies that the submission was a) very dull b) on a subject way below the
ministerial radar c) both.

Root and branch reform

Tinkering around the edges of an organisation, and renaming parts of it, to no discernible effect.
Similar to breaking down silos.

Across 

In the same family as “up to speed”. Telling someone you’re “not fully across this issue” means that
you haven’t got a clue what they’re talking about, but want to appear as if you’re in the loop. 

Consultation document 

The department already knows what it wants to do. The document will contain one policy made to
look like several options, in order to suggest the department is open to ideas. It will also contain
some outlandish proposals, so officials can claim to be thinking outside the box.
Terminological inexactitudes: handy translations of Whitehall jargon (Vol. 2)

Civil Service World's regular guide to the very best in Whitehallese

Ballpark figure

Utter guesswork. A million? Five million? A billion? To be honest, I won’t really know until I actually
start looking into it. But let’s say a million.

Hope this is helpful

Obviously it’s not helpful. In fact it probably just ruined your week. But I want you to know I’m not a
monster. 

It's not rocket science

Unless you work for the British National Space Centre, in which case it is.  

A few quick thoughts

Just so you know, I’m going to tear this piece of rubbish to shreds. 

Breaking down silos

We’ve identified a need to foster a more collaborative approach between teams – hence the new
sofa by the ladies’ toilets. (See also: root and branch reform.)

New ways of working

Old ways of working. But in a glossier brochure.

Terminological inexactitudes: handy translations of Whitehall jargon (Vol. 3)

Civil Service World's regular guide to the very best in Whitehallese

Work it through

Let’s work it through in another meeting and make a decision at some unspecified point after that
meeting. Or the next one. 

Buy-in

I need you to pretend to agree with this. As in “if we all buy into this downsizing, it will be a lot less
painful.” But you still won’t have a job. 

Director general

Seven extra letters tell you that this director needed some encouragement to stay on. 

Comprehensive review

In contrast with a normal review, a comprehensive review will take over a year to complete before
its findings are ignored. 

You may wish to consider

Do the following immediately. Or else. 

In due course

In a very long time, if I haven’t forgotten.

Terminological inexactitudes: handy translations of Whitehall jargon (Vol. 4)

Written by Civil Service World on 15 May 2015 in Feature

We’ll need to run this past ministers

I will personally make sure this gets nowhere near a minister. In fact I don’t even remember
discussing this with you.  

The cost/benefit analysis doesn’t quite stack up

Nice try, but I’m axing your vanity project. 

Concerned
Somewhere in Whitehall, a senior official is about to go ballistic. One step away from an apocalypse
of “deep concern”. 

Pilot scheme
We don’t want to implement this policy, but a pilot should keep the minister happy until the
reshuffle. 

Core script
Grammar be damned, you will find a way to shoehorn the latest departmental buzzwords into this
press release. 

Purdah
I really would love to help you but, you know, we're in purdah.
Terminological inexactitudes: handy translations of Whitehall jargon (Vol. 5)

Written by Civil Service World on 22 June 2015 in Feature

Project-based working
A pie-in-the-sky initiative designed to introduce long-term civil servants to crazy concepts like
planning ahead, reporting on progress, and sticking to schedules 

Seeking your agreement

We’ve already done all the prep work so I’d just keep your head down if I were you 

Diary commitments
Sadly, the minister won’t be attending your vitally important event as her diary is full. Of better offers

Entrepreneurial culture
Enjoy the very best bits of life in the risk-taking private sector, like working a 12-hour day on rubbish
pay with nobody to thank you

Champion
This hugely complex public policy challenge we’ve been trying to crack for decades would best be
solved by someone with no prior knowledge of it
Terminological inexactitudes: handy translations of Whitehall jargon (Vol. 6)

Written by Civil Service World on 14 August 2015 in Feature

In slower time

There’s no way will we ever do this, but we realise it would look impolitic to say so upfront.

Deep dive

Rambling chat around the subject which leaves everyone feeling even more confused than they were
before.

Delivering through others

I’m “working from home” tomorrow, so would you mind sorting out everything I’ve cocked up this
week? Thanks.

Civil service seasons

The time periods ministers promise to publish something or report on by, and when publication
actually occurs. Examples include:

In the New Year: By Easter

Spring: By the time summer recess begins

Summer: By mid-October when Parliament resumes

Autumn: By Christmas

In due course: I have no idea if or when we plan to publish this.

Terminological inexactitudes: handy translations of Whitehall jargon (Vol. 7)

Written by Civil Service World on 2 October 2015 in Feature

Touch base
What innovative and dynamic go-getters do when they speak to someone

Sound
All civil servants should aim to be seen as “sound” – i.e. loyal, trustworthy, and willing to jump in
front of a bus for senior officials

Roundtable
Rest assured, this is no ordinary meeting. Just look at the shape of the table!

Are you up to speed?

A trick question: say “yes” and you’ll be bombarded with devilishly detailed questions. Say “no” and
you’ll be given pitying glances 

Disappointed
Used by members of the senior civil service to express the view that a particular junior official is
quite possibly the most incompetent person they have ever come across
Terminological inexactitudes: handy translations of Whitehall jargon (Vol. 8)

Written by Civil Service World on 6 November 2015 in Feature

Draft please
Toil for hours producing a coherent and impressive letter so that I can fulfil my teacher fantasy by
needlessly tweaking it

Fast Stream
The civil service equivalent of Top Gun, but with overtones of sending small children up chimneys or
down coal mines

Information management
So much more than just filing

White paper
Soft, strong, absorbent – and perforated at both ends. Easily disposed of once used

Joined-up thinking
Talking to a department other than your own more than once a year

Inclined to look favourably upon

So that's a yes, then?
Terminological inexactitudes: handy translations of Whitehall jargon (Vol. 9)

Written by Civil Service World on 4 December 2015 in Feature

A few thoughts
This piece of work is terrible for the following reasons... 

Strategic review
As distinct from an intentionally directionless review. Likely to recommend the creation of a
“coordination unit”

Surprised
Another classic senior civil service understatement, signifying utter horror, disgust and fury 

Change management
Finding ever more ingenious ways of saying “like it or lump it” 

Target audience
Let’s try and establish who, if anyone, gives a monkey’s about what our esteemed statesmen and
women say and why they say it 

Cross-cutting issues
Things on which officials across Whitehall have an opinion, but for which no-one wants to be
responsible 
Terminological inexactitudes: handy translations of Whitehall jargon (Vol. 10)

Written by Civil Service World on 8 January 2016 in Feature

Propriety issues
I don't want to do this, but I can't think of a specific reason why not

Quick win
Okay, we've messed this one up. What minor victory can we salvage from the wreckage?

Toolkit
We could crack on with actually tackling this issue - but I feel like we're going to need to develop a
toolkit first

Work-life balance
Getting to enjoy a whole KitKat on the train home after wading through consultation responses until
9pm

Interested in your views

This is dreadful, but I'm not going to be the one to tell you first

Key messages
The lines in the manifesto that justify sending a minister to Bognor on a wet Thursday to give a
speech to 20 people
Terminological inexactitudes: handy translations of Whitehall jargon (Vol. 11)

Written by Civil Service World on 19 February 2016 in Feature

Brief
An oxymoron – a brief is anything but. In the same way that a “line to take” is always a paragraph.

Media handling strategy

Obviously we don’t do spin. But what’s the best way to bury this forever? 

Working group
Because you might as well have some company when you’re failing to achieve anything. 

You should be aware

At a time like this, it’s really important to remember that nobody ever achieved anything by shooting
a messenger. 

Plain English
Words featuring one to two syllables. To be avoided where possible.

Full and frank exchange of views

A right old ding-dong.
Terminological inexactitudes: handy translations of Whitehall jargon (Vol. 13)

Written by Civil Service World on 15 April 2016 in Feature

Menu of options
A list of daft policies alongside the one you support. Helps give ministers the illusion of choice

Service transformation
The same thing but with a new name and less money  

Gold-plated
Used by ministers to describe pension arrangements that are slighly better than tuppence ha’penny
a year and retiring before you die at your desk  

Please do not hesitate to contact me

Always hesitate to contact me 

Values
The longstanding beliefs underpinning your department’s vital work. Will be changed in about 18
months’ time 

Milestone
A common misspelling of “millstone”
Terminological inexactitudes: handy translations of Whitehall jargon (Vol. 14)

Written by Civil Service World on 6 May 2016 in Feature

Management initiative
The latest attempt to show that “something must be done” to your “not fit for purpose”
department. Just keep your head down, it’ll pass 

Empowerment
I hereby empower you to clean up this unholy mess of a policy 

Thank you for bringing this to my attention

Damn. I really hoped nobody was going to find out about that 

Ministerial submission
I know quite a bit more about this subject than you, minister, but convention demands that I
pretend to seek your views 

You will recall that

No you won’t 

You will wish to be aware

No you won’t – and it’s bad news I’m afraid