Inner MBA

“Telling on Yourself ”
Lisa Lahey

LISA LAHEY: Hello again. So hopefully, you have a self-improvement goal that meets all the
guidelines that we talked about in the last video. And most important, as I said, is that the goal is
important to you, and it's something you're seeking to develop in yourself.

We're going to head to column 2 now. So please have your Immunity To Change Map available
so you can do some entries there. The header for column 2, as you can see, is "doing/not doing."
And just to give you a heads up, what basically this step is about is giving you an opportunity to
do like a fearless inventory of all the things you tend to do and not do that you know you want to
that work against that very important goal that you came to the session with, right?

So let's say that your improvement goal is to lead in a more collaborative way, for example. Be
less of a micromanager, that kind of thing. So a good entry in column 2 is going to be filled with
all the behaviors that undermine that goal. So "I don't delegate well, I don't set clear expectations
up front. Also, maybe when I give people work, I micromanage. I hover over them." Those
should be some examples.

So what you want to do is write down the things you do-- you do. The things you don't do that
work against your improvement goal. And I want to be really clear that I'm-- you know, this is a
version of telling on yourself, so to speak.

I'm not doing this to torture you. Eventually, you are going to see when we head to the next
column, column 3, these are a very powerful resource for helping you to gain entry into seeing
what your immune system is. So I'm going to ask you to really work to be honest with yourself.

I'm also going to tell you that there are a couple of ways that people tend to go off-track in this
column. So let me just share with you what those are. These are also on the Roadmap template.
So again, I'm just giving you a little bit more flesh to them.

So one of the things that people tend to do is they start to give themselves kind of like advice, or
they start coaching themselves about what they should be doing in the future. So for example,
somebody will say, like, well, let's see, "I interrupt too often."

Lahey Inner MBA

That's the behavior. And then they start, instead of writing that down, they say to themselves,
"You need to stop interrupting." It's like they're giving themselves directions for the future. So
that's one kind of error people make.

Another kind of error is that they start talking about why they're doing what they're doing. So
OK, staying with this idea of I interrupt people, the person writes down, instead of "I interrupt
people," like, "If I don't interrupt people, I'm never going to get a word in edgewise here."

And those are two common mistakes. And I want to point those out because I want to be really
clear in saying that these are perfectly sensible things for people to enter into column 2 because
they're wanting to get better. They're wanting to get better just right away or they're wanting to
explain why things are the way they are.

And that makes a lot of sense. And what I want to just point out here is that isn't what we're up to
in this column. We just want to identify in as honest and as straightforward a way as we can,
what do we-- nobody else-- do and don't do that works against our own column 1 goal?

And again, you're going to see how there will be big dividends in the next step, if you can do
this. Try to get at least three. And so I'm going to turn it over to you now, which is get your
Immunity to Change Map out, take a few minutes and write down your answer to that prompt.

And be kind to yourself when you do so. You may not like what you see. But again, you can
soon discover these are really important for you to eventually make sustainable change.

In a few minutes, I'm going to stop talking to you, and I'm going to give you a chance to take
some quiet time so you can make your column 2 entries. But before you do that, I want to speak
a little bit about what's going to happen after you do those entries so that you know where this is
all heading, because the next step is not going to be to immediately go to column 3. Instead, it's
going to be to do a check-in with your learning partner. So want to say a little bit about that now.

So once you are both finished with your column 2 entries, you're going to schedule 30 minutes
together, and you're going to each take 15 minutes to share what you've come to. What's the
purpose of all that? So the purpose is for you to have a chance to talk aloud about your Map
entries, both so you're not alone in the process, and also so that you can solicit some feedback
from somebody who knows the ITC process.

If you're uncertain about whether you're on-track, this is a really good opportunity to see. And
you should feel free to make revisions to your Map based on your sharing. And this is actually a
good point for me to say that the Map can be a very evolving thing.

You're having an opportunity to sleep on some of your entries over the weeks. And if something
occurs to you that you hadn't thought of immediately, it's fine. Go back to your Map and add it.
Or when you have some of these checkpoints with your partner and something new occurs to
you, great. Go back and update your Map.

Lahey Inner MBA

So just a logistics thing. When you do meet with your partner, have the ITC Roadmap available,
especially when it's your turn to listen, because then you'll have the criteria for columns 1 and 2.

You're going to, when you meet at some point, you'll be the speaker and at some point you're
going to be the listener. And I want to say a little bit about each of those roles. When it's your
turn to speak, you should feel free to share as much or as little as you want to. It's truly up to you.

That said, I want to share that on my own experience, it's often very helpful to share what you
have written, because that helps you to get it outside of yourself. You know, you put it out there,
and it gets to breathe a little bit, which can often have a lot of value.

So that's you as the speaker. Then you're going to be the listener. And when it's your turn to
listen, your job is to listen for understanding and to hold the column guidelines in mind as you're
listening.

So for example, if as you're listening, you hear your partner say something like, you know, "To
bring out the best in other people," I'm hoping that you'll think, "Oh, wait. That doesn't yet
implicate them."

So that would be a wonderful time for you to say, "I don't yet hear how that implicates you," so
that then that person can answer that question of, "What would you need to get better at in order
to bring out the best in other people?" Great. And that helps your partner to stay on-track in the
exercise.

So you know, just for example, what the person might say there is something like, "Well, I've got
to get better at--" They probably have never actually thought about that before, by the way. But
once they start thinking about it, they might say something like, "OK, I need to get better at
knowing and leveraging people's individual strengths." OK, cool. That's great. That's what they
can put in their column 1.

So the last thing I'm going to say is that I suggest you each walk through both column 1 and 2
when it's your turn, rather than going back and forth, since that's going to break the momentum.

Remember to set a timer so you've equal amounts of talk time. And finally, please remember the
confidentiality norm for your learning community. Whatever gets shared remains just between
the two of you. This is very much a privileged conversation.

And I mean that in both senses of the word, privilege as in not to be shared, but also just a
privilege to hear somebody talk about the things that they will be sharing with you as they bring
you into their Map.

So hopefully, that's given you all the guidance you need for your partner checking in. When we
next see one another, we are going to head into column 3. See you there.

Lahey Inner MBA

Lahey Inner MBA