Debriefing your ITC map with your partner

First, a few words about partnering. The three main purposes of talking aloud about
your map entries are these:
• sharing your material gives you a chance to step back from your own words; that
enables you to create a bit of distance between you and your thoughts and
feelings. That begins the move from being subject to or merged with what’s going
on inside of us, to being able to take it as object.
• so that you are not alone in the process; you will discover that you and your
partner have dreams, strengths and areas for growth, and an immunity to
change. We are all in this together!
• so that you can solicit feedback from someone who knows the ITC process. If
you are uncertain about whether you’re on track, your pair shares are a good
opportunity to see. Feel free to make revisions to your map based on your
sharing. As I’ve said, ITC maps evolve, be it through conversation, sleeping on
what you’ve written or a eureka moment while showering!

Participants typically find their pair shares to be a powerful feature of the ITC process.
That said, working with a partner is a choice, not a requirement. Also, how much you
choose to share is also a choice. Please keep the purposes above in mind as you
decide what you want to do. If you opt to partner, please make a commitment to
yourself and your partner to follow through consistently.

Before you start your first debrief, take time to establish your connection to each other
and to ask for what you need in order to feel free to share. Discuss confidentiality and
seek to agree on a norm that you will keep what goes on in your conversations just
between the two of you. Schedule 15-20 minutes for this.

For each pair share meeting:

Bring your ITC map, as well as the ITC Roadmap available so that when it’s your turn
to listen, you have the criteria handy.

You’ll take turns as speaker and listener. When it’s your turn to speak, share as much
or as little as you want. It’s up to you. When you are the listener, your job is to listen for
understanding and to hold the column guidelines in mind. Feel free to ask questions so
you know you understand what it’s like to be in your partner’s shoes. Also, listen for the
fit between what your partner says and your understanding of the relevant guideline. If
you aren’t sure there is a good match, you will be doing your partner a favor to share
your perspective.

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This material is offered to you courtesy of Minds at Work, an organization that helps individuals, teams,
and organizations make lasting improvement using the Immunity-to-Change method. This material is
Minds at Work’s intellectual property and cannot be taught or used commercially outside this class
without a written permission from Minds at Work. For more information about our work or to contact us,
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It’s important to know that your role is not to solve any problems or fix the other person!
There is nothing wrong with anyone.

There are suggested times to debrief each column. These are the minimum times
needed to give two people time and space to share. Feel free to add an extra 10
minutes to any of them to do a check-in, not specific to ITC.

Column 1 & Column 2:

Schedule 30 minutes. Take 15 minutes each to share what you’ve come to so far. This
timing assumes you have discussed your partnering norms and are ready to jump in.
Walk through both col 1 & 2 when it’s your turn, rather than going back and forth since
that will break the momentum. Remember to set a timer so you have equal amounts of
talk time. Finally, remember the confidentiality norm for your learning community.
Whatever gets shared remains just between the two of you.

When you meet, have the ITC Roadmap available so that when it’s your turn to listen,
you have the criteria for col. 1 & 2. Listen for understanding, as well as for the fit
between what your partner says and your understanding of the relevant guideline. For
example, one of the guidelines for column 1 is “implicates you.” If your partner shares
the improvement goal, “to bring out the best in people,” that goal does not yet name
what the speaker needs to get better at in order to do bring out the best in others. So,
you might ask “what would you need to get better at in order to bring out the best in
people?” Your partner might say, “To get better at knowing and leveraging people’s
individual strengths”. Ok cool! That now meets the guideline.

Tips for listening in column 1:

The two most common ways people go off track:
• They name a goal that is something they want to accomplish (e.g., “to lose
weight” or “to have more confidence”), vs. a goal that is something they want to
get better at in order to accomplish that goal (e.g., “to be more planful about what
I eat on evenings and weekends” or “to get better at noticing my strengths”)
• They name a goal that doesn’t implicate them as much as other people (like the
example above, “to bring out the best in people”).

Tips for listening in column 2:

The most common ways people go off track:
• They state what they are doing in order to meet their improvement goal. It’s great
that they are doing those things, but that’s not what we are looking for in the ITC

© Minds at Work
This material is offered to you courtesy of Minds at Work, an organization that helps individuals, teams,
and organizations make lasting improvement using the Immunity-to-Change method. This material is
Minds at Work’s intellectual property and cannot be taught or used commercially outside this class
without a written permission from Minds at Work. For more information about our work or to contact us,
visit http://mindsatwork.com/
 exercise. Instead, the list needs to include what the person is doing and not
doing that gets in the way of achieving column 1.
• They give themselves advice about or make plans for what to do in the future.
Column 2 is not about getting things right! It is about how we behave now that
works against our improvement goal.

Column 3:
Schedule 40-60 minutes. Remember to set a timer so you have equal amounts of talk
time. Finally, remember the confidentiality norm (whatever gets shared remains just
between the two of you).

Take 20-30 minutes each: each speaker starts by saying whether you see your immune
system. Yes? No? Not Sure? That will help your partner to know how you’re coming into
the debrief. After that,
• remind the listener of columns 1 & 2
• talk through each worry box entry one at a time, showing what worry or fear each
behavior in column 2 generated
• share how you translated each worry/fear into a column 3 self-protective goal
• at the end of your time, explain how you see your immune system (the push-pull
between col. 1 & col. 3)

When you meet, have the ITC Roadmap available so that you have the criteria for
column 3 as you listen. As before, listen for understanding as well as for the fit between
what your partner says and your understanding of the relevant guideline. Please
remember that this is the hardest part of the exercise, so be kind and patient with
yourself and your partner.

Tips for listening in column 3:

The most common ways people go off track in the worry box:
• When asked to imagine doing the opposite of a column 2 behavior, no worry
emerges. Typically, this happens because the person imagines they have
enacted the behavior (so it’s already happened in their minds). Instead, they
need to imagine themselves in the act of behaving this different way. It can help
to invite them to have an actual situation in mind as they imagine doing (not
having done) the opposite of column 2.
• The person stays on the surface of worries or fears, or is too general (e.g., “it
wouldn’t feel good”). Ask your partner if their worries feel worrisome, and if they
don’t, then ask your partner a probing question that seeks to get a layer deeper
(e.g., you could ask “what’s the worst thing about it not feeling good”?) Or have

© Minds at Work
This material is offered to you courtesy of Minds at Work, an organization that helps individuals, teams,
and organizations make lasting improvement using the Immunity-to-Change method. This material is
Minds at Work’s intellectual property and cannot be taught or used commercially outside this class
without a written permission from Minds at Work. For more information about our work or to contact us,
visit http://mindsatwork.com/
 this question in your back pocket, “What would be really scary or uncomfortable –
the very worst thing – about that?”

The most common way people go off track in their column 3 commitments/ goals:
• Their fear dropped out and so column 3 entry isn’t self-protective (e.g., they
worded their fear “I’ll hurt my relationship with my spouse” to “I’m committed to
being a good spouse” when instead the goal needs to be worded “I’m committed
to not being the bad one in our relationship.” Sometimes this happens because
someone understands the word “goal” or “commitment” as something they want
to make to themselves. It might help to think of it this way: We “have” our column
1 goals, but our column 3 goals “have us”. These are not conscious goals, but
unconscious ones. We want column 3 goal to capture the energy being
expended to keep the self from experiencing the worry or fear from happening (in
the example here, that might show up as the difference between doing good
deeds to be a good spouse vs. not telling my spouse that I disagree).

Column 4:
Schedule 40 minutes. Remember to set a timer so you have equal amounts of talk time.
Finally, remember the confidentiality norm (whatever gets shared remains just between
the two of you).

Take 20 minutes each. As speaker,

• remind the listener of columns 1, 2 & 3. You might do this quickly by describing
your immune system, the push-pull between column 1 & 3.
• start with one column 3 self-protective goal (best is the one you suspect is
generating your most counter-productive column 2 behaviors) and share at least
2 or 3 assumptions you generated that support that commitment
• let your partner know whether you would like them to brainstorm any additional
big assumptions for that same column 3 goal.
• If there is time, repeat with one more column 3 self-protective goal
• at the end of your time, take a moment to explain your understanding of why Big
Assumptions are the lever for change

When you meet, have the ITC Roadmap available so that you have the criteria for
column 4 as you listen. As before, listen for understanding as well as for the fit between
what your partner says and your understanding of the relevant guideline.

The most common way people go off track in their column 4 commitments/ goals:

© Minds at Work
This material is offered to you courtesy of Minds at Work, an organization that helps individuals, teams,
and organizations make lasting improvement using the Immunity-to-Change method. This material is
Minds at Work’s intellectual property and cannot be taught or used commercially outside this class
without a written permission from Minds at Work. For more information about our work or to contact us,
visit http://mindsatwork.com/
This tends to be a relatively straight-forward piece of work. The challenge may occur
later when it is time to test a Big Assumption. Sometimes the current wording of the
assumption doesn’t lend itself to being tested or the person is not interested in testing it
either because it feels to scary to do so or because the person insists the Big
Assumption is correct. I will speak to these issues later, in the week we take up
“Testing”.

© Minds at Work
This material is offered to you courtesy of Minds at Work, an organization that helps individuals, teams,
and organizations make lasting improvement using the Immunity-to-Change method. This material is
Minds at Work’s intellectual property and cannot be taught or used commercially outside this class
without a written permission from Minds at Work. For more information about our work or to contact us,
visit http://mindsatwork.com/