CHRISTIAN COUPLES RETREAT 2022

SEMINAR 3: A FULFILLING CONJUGAL RELATIONSHIP IN YOUR MATRIMONY

PREAMBLE AND DEFINITION

We thank God for this peculiar Couples Retreat, a time set by God to visit our homes mightily again for the revival
of our generation and beyond. We bless Him for the theme He has graciously given us – A fulfilling Matrimony:
Purpose, Principles, Parameters, and Practice. Every man and woman entering any marital relationship has a very
high expectation for its success and fruitfulness in society. However, many have only reaped mirage at the end of
the day. This retreat is a divine call to us that a fulfilled matrimony, which provides happiness and satisfaction is a
reality and can be achievable. May your matrimony do great exploits and fulfill the purpose for which God created
it.

Towards this end, we have this seminar: “A FULFILLING CONJUGAL RELATIONSHIP IN YOUR MATRIMONY”. A
conjugal relationship is that between a husband and wife, and it is holistic, not on sexual issues alone. A fulfilling
conjugal relationship is a satisfying, encouraging, heartwarming, comforting, gladdening, and rewarding relationship
that accomplishes the purpose for which it has been created. At this onset, we must emphasize that our matrimony
is meant to accomplish the purpose of God. How will our matrimony achieve this? Many promising families are in
shambles today; wonderful families are split and many couples living together but in crisis and hopelessness. This is
because achieving a fulfilling conjugal relationship in your matrimony is not automatic. It involves deliberate actions
and a building process that is systematic. However, the foundation must be on the principles and practice of God’s
word.

Every marriage is a joining of two lives, a man, and a woman, in a tight interlocking manner. The entire married life
is pursuance of this joining into oneness such that they are no longer two but one entity. To achieve a fulfilling
conjugal relationship, therefore, there are three significant levels of joining that we need to experience and
maximize.

Ephesians 5:30
“For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.” KJV

From the above scripture, there are three different types of joining which can be referred to as levels. These
three-dimensional joining are:
1. Members of His bone (The bone-to-bone joining),
2. Members of His flesh (The flesh-to-flesh joining),
3. Members of His body (The body-to-body joining).

1. THE BONE-TO-BONE JOINING

Gen 2:23-24
And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called
Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." Therefore a man shall leave his father and
mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. NKJV

Prov 20:27
The spirit of man is the candle of the LORD, searching all the inward parts of the belly.
Just as the bone determines the primary physical framework and structure of the body, the spirit of a person
determines his strength, stamina, and framework for which every other thing takes its bearing including his marital

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life. For a Christian, it is the Spirit of God in him/her. Therefore, the first joining for a fulfilling conjugal relationship
is the joining of your spirit with that of your spouse. Unless you touch a man’s spirit you have not yet touched him.
• This joining creates a deep spiritual communion between you and your spouse and accentuates easy flow
in agreement and oneness of heart.
• It gives no room for the reign of human nature in our matrimony.
• It makes it easier to achieve the other levels of joining referred to above.
• By this the couple has the same life which makes it easier to discern things of God together, and experience
divine convictions.
• This gives deep happiness and produces a good atmosphere in their union and home.

HOW TO ACHIEVE THE COUPLING OF YOUR SPIRIT.

To experience a fulfilling conjugal relationship in your matrimony you must note the following:
• The current spiritual status of your spouse. Is he/she born again? Is there hatred for sin? Is he/she sensitive
to God’s word?
• Does he commune with God? Is he growing in righteousness?
• What inspires him or her? Where is the affection?
• Study the word of God, pray and fellowship with brethren.
• Share visions and God’s dealings in your lives together. Having the same vision enables you to flow
together with minimal reluctance, struggles, and division.
• Spend time together.
• Having personal retreats to accelerate the building of your spiritual oneness.

2. THE FLESH-TO-FLESH JOINING

To secure a fulfilling conjugal relationship in your matrimony, there must be the joining together of your minds. This
is a dimension in which a man and his wife must be fused together inseparably. The mind of a man is a workshop
where everything is processed. The mind is a component of the soul. According to Wikipedia, the mind is the set of
faculties responsible for thought, imagination, memory, will, sensation, perception, pain, experience, belief, desire,
intention, and emotion. What goes on in your mind determines whether you will be angry or pleased. Every act of
assumption and pre-judged situation that has ravaged many homes ferociously comes from the mind.

The mind of a person is set by the environment he grows in, the norms, and the value system. The family he grew
up in, the philosophies he upholds, the people he admires, and what he hears, sees, and tastes also contribute.

Rom 12:2
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that
ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. KJV
Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but be a new and different person with a
fresh newness in all you do and think. Then you will learn from your own experience how his ways
will really satisfy you. TLB

To experience fulfilled conjugal relationship you need to adjust your mind by resetting it until you and
your spouse achieve oneness. If you notice differences in your interests, it’s just a result of the
difference in your mind’s focus. This usually results in difficulties and confusion in the home, especially
when you and your spouse are not ready to adjust but stick to your views. In such a situation, the Bible
proffers the best solution:
1 Peter 3:1

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 IN LIKE manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate
yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to
them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by
discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives… AMP
To avoid matrimonial crisis, the wife should adapt to her own husband.

STEPS TO JOINING YOUR MINDS

Philippians 2:1-5, 3: 13-14, Prov. 23:7, Rom. 12:2
• Renew your mind settings and standards by using the word of God. Fill your mind with the
word of God via reading, studying and meditating,
• Be determined to please God in all you say and do.
• Make the mind of Christ your pursuit.
• Acknowledge that your spouse has a mind of his/her own.
• Show interest in what your spouse likes.
• Set a common goal. This will make it easier to be of one mind. You can’t make progress as a
couple when you have not set targets for yourselves.

3. THE BODY-TO-BODY JOINING

This is the third of the three-dimensional coupling. It is the physical joining of the couple in matrimony. Sex in
marriage is a continuation of the joining process, a communion between the couple, a moment to flow into each
other in becoming an entity in God’s plan. It is the last of the levels of joining. Making it the first will cause it to lose
its essence and can become oppressive, a tool for bargain, a means of exhibiting animalistic behavior, and a
distraction to spirituality. You must note at this point that sex in matrimony is absolutely permitted by God. Sexual
issues alone have contributed to 50% of marital problems. It is thus a critical issue in considering a fulfilling marital
relationship.
Sex on a general note is prone to abuse, but God has a plan for it in Matrimony. It is the climax of the active process
in becoming one, that is, the kind of couple that God intends. Therefore, we shall briefly examine the spirituality
and practice of our physical joining in experiencing a fulfilling conjugal relationship in our matrimony.

BIBLICAL BASE
Prov 5:15-20 NIV, 1Cort. 7:4-5, Eph. 5:24-25 NIV,
From these passages, the following facts can be noted:
• Drink water from your own cistern
• Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares?
• May her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love
• Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife?
• Peculiarities exist between the male and female in a conjugal relationship.
• You lose the power over your body to your spouse.

THE PRACTICE OF PHYSICAL JOINING

a. Understanding your spouse
1Peter 3:7; Matthew 19:4
You must note that even in the matter of sex, the response of the male and female are not the same. For a
fulfilling conjugal relationship, this must be understood. So many crises have erupted in relationships by
reason of ignorance. However, there is room for growth in our sexual life, just like in the other levels of
joining.
b. Preparing the atmosphere

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 Prov 4:26-27
Plan carefully what you do, and whatever you do will turn out right. GNT
If you desire a conjugal union later in the day, there is a need to prepare early for it.
c. Conduct at the hour
Phil 2:4
Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to
lend a helping hand. MSG
Don’t seek for your pleasure only, but also that of your spouse.

HINDRANCES TO HAPPY SEX LIFE

• Clinical sexual disorder could exist. In this aspect, couples are encouraged to pray and seek adequate
medical attention.
• Pornography is another danger and a destroyer of your matrimonial sex life. Shun it!
• Unresolved disharmony affects your mind and invariably limits your physical joining.
• Pursuits of life. These have intrinsic capacity to sap your emotion, love, attention, and energy.
• Heart shift
"No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and
despise the other. …. Matt 6:24 NLT.
Guard your heart with all diligence, for the moment it shifts to another woman/man, it will certainly affect
your interest in physical joining.
CONCLUSION
A fulfilling conjugal relationship is a necessity for us to accomplish God’s purpose for our matrimony and it can be
realized. However, it is achievable only by conforming to the principles and standards of the word of God. This is the
only way the plan of God can be realized through your home, thereby making it a hub for revival. How united is your
spirit and soul with your spouse? How do you fare in the physical joining with your spouse? Is there struggle
anywhere? God is here to help you. ‘The LORD says, "Now, let's settle the matter... If you will only obey me, you will
eat the good things the land produces.’ Isa 1:18-20 GNT.

For further study, please refer to the book NO MORE TWO by Gbile Akanni,
published by Peace House Publications.