Emily Giang

ETHS 2400

Self-Respect

When someone asks me: who are you?, I don’t question for a second that I am Emily

Giang, an Asian American who was given a very much non-Asian name. A lot of the time I feel

resentment towards my parents for giving me such an uninspiring thing to be called, especially

when I see other Asian girls telling people their exotic-sounding names and getting genuine

looks of shock and admiration. Overtime, I started to dislike my name, and thus I started to

dislike who I was.

Along with my name, I started to strongly resent the Asian culture inside of me. I

remember growing up, whenever encountering an elder of mine, I didn’t feel the urge to bow in

respect towards them. Rather, I gave them a menacing look and tried to find something else to

do. In a way, I placed myself in this “box”, of this younger-generation misfit who had no desire

to uphold tradition. (My elders really loved me, I assure you.) I was always looking for ways to

be different, ways that I could surprise both my family and my friends. I hated being told that

being an Asian girl meant that I had to be different from all the other girls living in America, that

I was “supposed” to behave with more discipline, that I was “not supposed” to talk back. Though

despite my urges to rebel against these stereotypes, I guess deep down I really did want to please

my parents and live up to their expectations. And so overtime, I started feeling really lost - not

only in who I was but also what I believed in. Was I a “real” Asian or was I white-washed? Was

I a Buddhist or did I have no faith? I put myself into another “box”, one that included outcasts

with a split identity crisis, people who others were scared to talk to. I started isolating myself

from others and forgot how to have a conversation. I took studying seriously to please my
parents and forgot how to have fun. I started getting the impression that I wasn’t pleasing to be

around and felt helpless about it. I knew who I was, but did I really?

I hadn’t ever really thought about what self-respect was, or what self-respect even looked

like. I’d always assumed that the respect you gave yourself directly came from the respect others

gave you, which was a really detrimental way of thinking. An important thing to remember is

that self-respect is an intrapersonal idea, and that it can come from your very own actions,

thoughts, and interconnections. University professor Amanda Mina simply put it as “being the

kind of person that you are proud of and the kind of person that pleases the people you care

about” (Mina, 2015). This at first was a confusing definition to me - it just sounded like “people-

pleasing”, which would be dishonest. But I realized that what she meant is that self-respect

includes finding that right balance between your relationship with yourself and those around you,

keeping true to your better nature and building a more positive environment from it. Building up

yourself is the first step towards building up others, and how could you not be proud of yourself

for doing that?

Even though self-respect can come from profound achievements, it also means setting

boundaries for yourself and respecting the fact that you have limits, and cannot be perfect for

everybody (Amanyi, 2021). I thought this was really important because though some may think

that self-respect means pushing yourself to do the hard things, it also means caring and watching

out for your own health. Some of the most serviceable people in my life are some of the most

amazing people I’ve met - but also some of the most sick-prone. By putting everyone else’s

needs before their own, they forget to take care of themselves and consider their own life’s

events. We need to make sure that we avoid doing this, because part of self-respect is giving

ourselves just as much love that we give so effortlessly to everyone else.

 This sense of giving love to both yourself and your surroundings can be expanded on in

Martin Luther King Jr.’s story, and how he, after many years of struggle and deliberation, finally

achieved his own self-respect. At the beginning, King was unaware of the racial boundaries

already implemented in society. But once it was made clear to him after having been told off by

his white childhood friend, and being informed by his parents, he was “determined to hate every

white person” (King, 1998). From this vantage, it seemed imminent that King may well have

become another hopeless pawn in the system, blindsighted by his hatred towards white folk and

becoming ignorant of everything else. This would be very demoralizing to his self-perception,

because how could he have respected himself when he knew others refused to do it, simply based

on his outward appearance? Already from a young age, King’s self-respect was likely to have

been minimal. But as he grew older, King got the opportunity to attend college and gain more

insight. He met white students whom he viewed as “allies”, and later stated that “my resentment

[towards the white race] was softened, and a spirit of cooperation took its place… I could

envision myself playing a part in breaking down the legal barriers to Negro rights” (King, 1998).

This is extremely significant in illustrating a turning point in King’s life, when he finally

acknowledged a wall he had drawn over his own perceptions. He was finally able to liberate

himself of the thought that all whites were worth hating, thus taking a step forward in being

willing to collaborate with, and maybe even learn from them. And with that sense of

collaboration, King could envision himself taking a position advocating for social justice, a

position he could be proud of. How he was going to go about and execute his plans for social

justice was perhaps the toughest part for King, but he eventually found resonance with the non-

violence ideas of Gandhi: resistance “with love instead of hate” (King, 1998). I thought this was

really awe-inspiring because King sought understanding of an infuriating problem and wanted to
resolve it with the best light of human nature, as well as a rational approach. Because he knew

that his being was worth more than violence and revolutions, it was with that kind of attitude that

he was able to create a strategy that served both the interests of his civil duty to those around

him, as well as building up his own self-respect.

In my own journey to achieve self-respect, I’ve tried pushing myself to do things that I

hoped would help improve both myself and those around me, creating a more accepting

environment. One of the most recent events that I believed would help me achieve this was

joining track and field, where, frankly, I found myself the only Asian. What was worse was that I

somehow got dragged into hurdles. At first I was worried that it was just about running, but as

the first few practices went on, I realized that it was also about cheering on your teammates,

getting to know their purpose, and pushing each other on to become our best. I thought I’d

finally found a team culture setting that I actually belonged to - which was weird because I’d

never felt that before in my life. What was even weirder was that I’d never felt more comfortable

being around an all-white group of students who respected me as the only Asian. Perhaps it was

like that moment when King finally found hope in those people he’d so long resented. But it was

only a few weeks in before I injured myself jumping over a hurdle, and it felt like the whole

season had just come to a stop. I suddenly felt restricted from doing anything, and seeing

everyone else go on to compete made me feel jealous. So I pushed myself to continue running,

even before I was fully recovered. I thought that by showing that I could still run and compete

would boost my self-respect, as well as others’ respect towards me - but really I was doing the

opposite. I was acting out of jealousy and irrationalism, afraid that I would miss out on precious

moments like I had done all too often in the past. Unlike King, I wasn’t looking at the situation

with rationalism or an open mind. Up to this day I still look back on it with regret, but I know
there are better things ahead. I know there’s room to improve, and I’ll continue exploring new

things to develop that self-respect. There are blindspots, though, and one of mine was thrust in

my face by my own sister. She asked me if I ever just sat down to make a list of things for my

own self-care, and when I thought about it, I realized I hadn’t. I hadn’t ever even thought about

sitting down and taking some time to just pamper myself. I didn’t like doing my nails, doing my

hair, cleaning my skin, buying things for me - or perse, sitting out to fully recover - cause that

just didn’t feel right. I wasn’t directly helping anybody when I did those, and I guess I just forgot

to consider myself as “anybody”. And it was then that I realized: if I couldn’t even take care of

myself, how could I possibly take care of anyone else?

Finding my self-respect hasn’t ever seemed more important than it does now. Since being

an ignorant little child, I’ve learned over the years that there are a lot more people out there who

face the same problems, more or less, as myself - feeling ignored, neglected, or too insignificant

to make a difference; feeling like they’re held back by their elders’ traditional views or confused

with who they are as an immigrant in America. But I can’t forget that there are people who are

also striving to build up others and create a better environment, to reinforce the better light of

human nature. To achieve that self-respect, so that I don’t disrespect myself or others, I will first

and foremost accept who I am, an Asian American with a very non-Asian name. I will accept the

background I have come from but embrace the perspective I can bring. I’ll keep learning from

my trials and from my limits. I will remind myself that when I meet new people, I will put the

humanity before the ethnicity, the personality before the person. Understanding that self-respect

isn’t only a destination but also a process is something I need to remember. And I believe that

part of that process includes: by helping others find their own way and their own self-respect,

that will help me find mine in return - because that, I know for a fact, is just part of who I am.
References

“The True Meaning of Self Respect.” The Odyssey Online, 18 Aug. 2015,

www.theodysseyonline.com/true-meaning-self-respect.

Asine, Solomon. “What Is Self-Respect and Why Is It Important?” Home of Influence, 12

Sept. 2021, homeofinfluence.com/what-is-self-respect-and-why-is-it-important/. Accessed 25

Sept. 2022.

King, M. (1998). The Autobiography of Martin Luther King, Jr. (pp. 6-33) New York,

NY Grand Central Publishing. Retrieved February 5, 2022.