The Satisfying and Realistic Answers To

TOP 10 QUESTIONS THAT

EVERY SURVIVOR OF
NARCISSISTIC ABUSE
SEEKS ANSWERS FOR

FREE GUIDE TO UNDERSTAND THE COMPLEXITIES OF 1

NARCISSISTIC ABUSE
 What's inside

Is he/She a Narcissist? How do I know they are a Narcissist? 05

Can A Narcissist Change/Heal? 10

Am I a Narcissist? 12

Should I Tell Him/Her That they are a Narcissist? 14

Does A Narcissist Ever Realize Your Loss? 16

I don't want to leave. Can I make it work? 18

Will they treat their next partner better? 20

Should I blame myself for not leaving earlier or not seeing 22

through things?

What Is A Narcissist Afraid Of the Most? 25

Why Is It Hard To Heal After Narcissistic Abuse? / How 27

Long will it take to heal?

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 WELCOME TO THE COMMUNITY

I can still remember the worst moment of my life

when I tried to hang myself from a ceiling fan
because of chronic anxiety and how the painful
thought that my mother waiting at home stopped
me from kicking away the table that I was
standing on.

Back then, I was a 20-year-old guy, so broken

inside that I tried to end my life without even
thinking for a second about what the future
beholds for me.

What happened to me?

It was the lowest point of my life and I struggled with strange health problems that
turned my life into a living hell because no doctor could tell why I was always sick. My life
was so terrible that I saw no hope in continuing. It was all because of the constant
manipulation, belittling, isolation and blame shift I experienced at the hands of my
narcissistic roommate.

The terrible abuse didn't only make me feel as if I was the crazy one but also as if I didn't
deserve to live at all. The experience was the last straw that broke the camel's back.

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 With no knowledge of boundaries and
what I deserve, the abuser succeeded in
destroying my self-respect, confidence,
self-esteem and self-worth until I started
to fade slowly into nothingness.
The answer was no. My conscience
guided me towards a new way of life
where I didn't have to serve such a
destructive connection anymore.

The abuse continued for two years till it This experience brought out the truth of
left me with a broken spirit and inflamed my life and I realised that it all started in
wounds caused by past trauma. It was my childhood with the abuse that I
when that toxic person tried to re-enter experienced in my dysfunctional family.
my life that I asked myself, "Do I have to
keep allowing him to walk all over me?",
"Do I deserve this kind of soul-destroying
treatment?" Is this how I am supposed to
live?"

The Revelation and Resolution

The series of past narcissistic relationships, no boundaries, missing self-worth, self-concept

and self-esteem all made sense and for the first time, everything was crystal clear right in
front of me! My life, my behaviours and my relationship patterns were no more a mystery.

That is when I chose a different path, I chose to heal. I cut off all the toxic people that were
still present in my life and started healing the unresolved trauma, which connected me with
my purpose of helping and caring for people and this is where I am in your service, trying to
create awareness about narcissistic abuse every single day so that other people don't feel
stuck and hopeless the way I felt back then.

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Professional

Certified Clinical Trauma Specialist

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Question 1

Is he/She a Narcissist?
How do I know they
are a Narcissist ?

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A True Guide To Confirm
"If he/she is a Narcissist?"
How to take the right decision when it comes to the question,"Should I Stay or leave?

Is he/she truly a narcissist? this is by the far the most asked question in my 1:1 sessions.
People want clarity and confirmation. They don't want to take the wrong decision. I
understand the need for the same but the surprising fact is that there is no guide in
the world that can satisfactorily answer this question for you.

Why? Because the main reason why you are asking this question is the confusion
created by cognitive and emotional dissonance and the shape-shifting nature of the
narcissist.

Therefore, a better way to come to a solid conclusion is to consider the impact and ask
the set of questions that you will inform your behaviour and set you free.

Before we come to questions, let's first understand why

considering impact more than considering Intent

Impact > Intent

No matter how much time you spent on finding the intent behind someone's actions,
you will
never get an accurate explanation behind why they did what they did. All
explanations are
possibilities based on the pervasive behavioural patterns of narcissists.

A better perspective to look at this would be considering how the relationship with
this person is impacting your life. Where are you at now in comparison to where you
were before meeting them? Is it getting worse with time? etc.

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Answering these fundamental questions can bring your focus
back to you and take a well-informed decision:

Do I feel safe with this person emotionally, physically and financially?

Can I speak what is on my mind without the fear of being criticized, judged or abused?

Do they reflect and try to understand the role they are playing, and even if they

claim to do so, how long does it last?

Do I find myself explaining the basic principles of "how to behave like a human"

but does it feel as if banging my head against a wall?

Have I lost touch with myself and my identity? Does it feel like I have lost myself?

No matter what I do or how I behave, do I constantly get told that the fault is mine?

Has it become harder for me to trust my own decisions, beliefs and thoughts?

Do they show any real persistent, change inducing remorse for their abusive

behaviour or it is always temporary?

Do I find myself constantly walking on eggshells not knowing what they will say

or do next?

If it was a friend of mine living the same life I am living, what would I tell them

as an observer?

Is it getting worse with time?

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 If you answered "Yes" to most of these questions except

the ones that ask about their changed behaviour,

YOU SHOULD LEAVE

Answering yes to most of these questions clearly shows that you are in a very

toxic situation that you must leave regardless of why they do what they do.

What truly matters is your sanity and stability, and you are losing that, a huge

price to pay for nothing.

If you need more clarity about what you should do, think of your intuition and

notice where it lives by focusing on the sensations that arise in the body. Put

your hand there and ask the questions and you will get your answers.

Susan Hormozi
I was looking for answers from being in a narcissistic marriage and accidentally
stumbled upon Danish Bashir. Doing the course with him has had a remarkable
change in my thinking and the resources he provides are profoundly life
changing ! I strongly recommend spending time doing the course to experience
first hand how it can bring peace within your being ! Good luck and best wishes
in your journey …. there is light at the end of the tunnel 💯 Best Susan

Copyright Emotional Abuse Recovery

Journal You Thoughts and Reflections Below

What Is Your Body Telling You? What Are You Feeling About This Person?
What Should You Do?
Put All Insights below:

Copyright Emotional Abuse Recovery

Question 2

Can A Narcissist
Change/Heal?

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Let's Understand "Change" First

First, change requires recognition of what is wrong, then it requires awareness

of it is negatively affecting a person and finally continuous hard work over a long
period of time to become better.

Narcissists recognise nothing because they lack insight. They project all of their
flaws on others and believe that someone else is at fault. It must be you who
made them feel a certain way or do a certain thing.

If they can't recognise what is wrong with them, how will they ever become
aware of its impact on their and people's lives?

As they lack awareness, they fail to acknowledge that there is something wrong
with them and they need to correct it. Therefore, they remain the same.

The Real Question is "Will a Narcissist Change?"

They won't change because accepting the need to change will lead to the
collapse of their false self and that is the ultimate fear that they must avoid.

Nothing can change them if they don't see a problem with their behaviour. If you
are s wasting your time hoping that they would change, you are in an illusion.
See them as they are, not who you want them to be, this will set you free.

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Copyright Emotional Abuse Recovery

Question 3

Am I a Narcissist?

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Let's Understand Why You're Asking
This Question At The First Place?

If you've been narcissistically abused, you've probably asked yourself this

question which you've probably heard the following answer.

You know, if you're asking yourself that question that already holds the answer.
Narcissists are incapable of actual self-reflection.

Okay. That's fair enough. But how do you know you are not just giving yourself
the answer you want to hear? Well, let's talk about that.

When you have been a target of this type of abuse, you are conditioned to
subconsciously believe that at your core, you are inherently bad, unlikeable,
selfish and unworthy of love. And you might be in a place where you're able to
consciously tell yourself that that's bullshit but trying to get rid of the negative
self-talk subconsciously is a lot more difficult and painful.

That's not Narcissism, That's trauma

It makes you tie your self-worth to how others view you, which causes you to
mask hard when you're around other people.

This is why you probably question that to yourself because narcissists do the
exact same thing. If this describes you and you isolate when social situations
don't go well for you, that's not narcissism, that's trauma.

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Copyright Emotional Abuse Recovery

Question 4

Should I Tell Him/Her

That they are a
Narcissist?

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You can but it can backfire.
Here is How...

A Narcissist is so manipulative that they would possibly twist the whole narrative
of you trying to expose them to get more supply.

They may say something like, "I know I did wrong but you didn't. If I am a
Narcissist that doesn't mean you're too. What would be the difference between
you and me if you treated me the same way as I treated you?"

The other possibility is that they would completely deny it and rub it on your face.
They would call you a "Narcissist" and weaponise the awareness around this
subject to come across as a victim of something they are victimising you
through.

In a nutshell, you calling them out wouldn't make them reflect and have remorse
for what they have done and change.

They wouldn't do anything that makes them take responsibility and take
accountability.

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Question 5

Does A Narcissist Ever

Realize Your Loss?

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No, They Don't. Here's Why...

To realise your loss, they would have to acknowledge your worth as a person in
and of yourself, separate from them, which is something they don't do.

They only value you on the basis of how you can best serve to meet their needs
and provide the narcissistic supply. Also, their binary thinking makes them see
everything in black and white; nothing in the middle.

They either see you as all good (when you were complaint) or all bad (when they
discarded you). They don't care about you once you are gone!

If they have left you or you have left them, you don't exist for them anymore.
Their tunnelled vision doesn't let them see beyond what serves them in a given
moment.

They are quite predatory in how they approach relationships or people in general.
Once they have preyed on you and there is nothing more to eat, you become
useless.

Also, they never connected or attached to you, never believed that you are
precious to them. Therefore, they don't realise your loss because you can't lose
anything, you've never gained!

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Copyright Emotional Abuse Recovery

Question 6

I don't want to leave.

Can I make it work?

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You can but Here is What will
Happen...

If you choose to stay, you'll waste your whole life waiting for them to change.
Sleeping next to them yet feeling alone, wondering why they don't treat you
right.

You'll keep blaming yourself, giving more and more and hoping that someday
they will see your efforts and that would change things.

The fact is, you're in love with a lie and the truth is very painful to face but you
have to, you have to see the clarity.

Now if you still choose to stay, here is what you will have to be...

BLIND: To their abusive behaviours

MUTE: To Their Direct Disregard Of Your Feelings
DEAF: To Their Constant belittling & Verbal Abuse

You've to become emotionally dead, almost a non-human entity like a zombie

with no feelings and voice. And the right to feel disrespected, no matter what
they do, how much they abuse you, cheat on you or lie to you.

If you can do these things, and cease to be a living, feeling and honoured human
being, you can survive a narcissist and live with them!

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Copyright Emotional Abuse Recovery

Question 7

Will they treat their

next partner better?

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No, They won't. Here's Why...

The reason why you're asking this question is that the narcissist has
brainwashed you into believing that it is you who isn't enough and all the
problems in the relationship happened because of you or there's something
inherently wrong with you.

Instead of questioning his/her behaviours, you're questioning yourself because of

your deep-seated fears and insecurities.

Take a step back and ask yourself, "What would someone else give them that I
didn't?"⠀

What if I did the best I could? What if it was never enough for them? What if the
other partners are treated the same way?⠀

You need to understand that this isn't about you, this is about them and their
need to have so many supplies to fill the void they feel inside.⠀

You may see them treating the new partner the way they treated you in the
beginning but eventually, it is going to end up the same way. Nothing can
change or stop that.⠀

Release all those insecurities and doubts that they have planted in your mind for
it is a burden that is not yours to carry.

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Copyright Emotional Abuse Recovery

Question 8

Should I blame myself

for not leaving earlier
or not seeing through
things?

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Let's First Understand Why
You're asking this Question...

I know you are angry, not only towards them but also towards yourself for not
leaving early, for not noticing the red flags and probably for not ending the
relationship the first time they abused you.

You were a different person before you met them, you had a moral code, and
moral values that informed your decisions. You knew what kind of treatment
you'll accept from your partner and what was a complete no-no. For e.g., you'll
never tolerate living with a partner who cheats on you.

But you ended up accepting the unacceptable and that violated your value
system, which is one of the reasons why you don't recognise the person you have
become now.

This Self-betrayal is the root cause of the anger that you are feeling.

The question then becomes, Did you consciously choose to betray yourself or did
things happen in a way that you had to go against yourself to keep the narcissist
in your life?

Obviously, the dynamics became very complex, trauma-bonding happened,

cognitive dissonance fogged your awareness and maybe children also came into
the picture which made everything more complicated.

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Continued...

In my opinion, you tried your best in the circumstances that had to survive. At
this point where you know what you didn't know back then, it is easier to blame
yourself but take a minute here and ask yourself these questions to check if the
blame is truly yours to take.

How could you've left earlier when they created a perfect illusion of familiarity in
the beginning and made you believe that you have found the one you've been
looking for all along?

How could you've known earlier when they spellbound you by the craft of
manipulation, fakery and false promises?

How could you've known earlier when you didn't fully know that it was abuse in
the first place and they're a Narcissist?

How could you've left earlier the fear of "What they'll do next" paralysed you and
you were terrified the uncertainty of the situation?

How could you've left when you were afraid that you may never get to see your
children again or they might harm them in your absence?

Stop Blaming Yourself For What Was Far More Complex

Than What It looks like Today

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Copyright Emotional Abuse Recovery

Question 9

What Is A Narcissist
Afraid Of the Most?

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They Are Afraid Of Two Things
Here is What they're...

Being Exposed
A Narcissist wears different masks to project an image of a personality they
actually don't have. All that charisma, sweetness, kindness, grandiosity,
confidence and entitlement are nothing but false personality traits to hide their
true insecurities behind.

It is like they are a cat but being a cat makes them so insecure that they pretend
to be a dog and want to be seen as the same. The moment people see through
the facade and the cat within them, they become terrified.

They fear being exposed because being exposed could cut all potential supply
sources, and they might end up alone with no one to depend on. Therefore, they
do everything to maintain the image they have projected out there.

Becoming Irrelevant
One thing that narcissists fear more than being exposed is that they will become
irrelevant to you. It is nothing less than a nightmare for a narcissist that their
existence no more matters to you.

They fear running out of supply and being alone because when they are alone,
they are forced o sit with their darkness and face it, which they don't want to do.
Non-narcissistic people get humbled by adversity, while narcissists get even
more ruthless.

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Copyright Emotional Abuse Recovery

Question 10

What Is Hard To Heal

After Narcissistic
Abuse?
Or

How Long will it take

to heal?

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You find it hard to heal
because...

You put in efforts, love and time into that person & the
relationship with them.
You and your soul are shocked to the core, struggling to make sense and
meaning of how all of it could have been a lie. The pain, sadness and grief are so
deep that you can't seem to get rid of them.

It's shocking because you see two sides of the narcissist; the one they were at the
beginning of the relationship, the loving and caring one, and the manipulative
and abusive one who tricks people. You are heavily trauma bonded and there is
cognitive dissonance; confusion about what was or wasn't real. You are still
wondering, questioning and ruminating.

Realizing that it was all an illusion and the person you loved the most is the one
who abused you in every way possible, shatters you into a million pieces. You are
deeply shocked by the reality, which is why you struggle with acceptance.

You realize that you're completely isolated as everyone in your life has been
turned against you, be it your friends or family.

Because they projected you as a horrible person and themselves as a victim, you
lose most of your support system, which is also shocking to realize. The only
person left in your life is the narcissist that you don't want to rely on.

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Continued...

You're floundering, wondering what's real and what's not because everything
you used to think was real turned out to be a lie.

You're questioning everything, including your own sanity, doubting your

capability to make rational decisions. The shock also comes from not leaving
earlier or putting up with abuse you thought you would never put up with.

In such a relationship, everything good you've ever believed about humanity is

proven wrong. Everything you've heard about intimacy, love, and marriage is
destroyed into silence.

Finding out that you fell in love with a con artist and everything was calculated
and deliberately done to hurt you and break you into millions of pieces stuns and
shocks you to the core.

You leave feeling broken, damaged and turned into a shell of the person you
used to be, which makes it difficult to recover. It takes a long time to find yourself
again.

It will take as long as it needs for Healing After Narcissistic Abuse is

not about reaching a destination, it is about the journey itself!

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Copyright Emotional Abuse Recovery

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