THE

banter
guide
H O W T O S PE AK T O W OM E N
I N A WAY T H AT BU I L DS AT T RAC T I ON
By: Kristen, Your Banter Wing Girl
Copyright 2021 by Marni Kinrys and The Wing Girl Method, Uncles Toads
Media Group Inc.

All rights reserved. Reproduction and distribution in any way, shape or form
is forbidden.

No part of this report shall be reproduced or transmitted by other means

without prior written consent from the author.

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www.winggirlmethod.com
 Contents
4 MESSAGE FROM MARNI
6 MESSAGE FROM KRISTEN
7 BANTERING: WHAT IS IT? WHY DO YOU NEED IT?
8 WHY DO WOMEN FIND IT ATTRACTIVE?
9 DO ALL WOMEN FIND IT ATTRACTIVE?
10 COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS:
10 Misconception 1 - Bantering is Boring
11 Misconception 2 - Bantering is "Catcalling"
11 Misconception 3 - Bantering is shallow
12 ELEMENTS OF BANTER:
12 PLAYFULNESS
14 OPINIONS
17 WORDPLAY
19 SARCASM
23 HOW TO BANTER
23 STEP 1 - OPEN WITH SOMETHING WITTY
32 STEP 2 - YES, AND... NO, BUT.
34 STEP 3 - ASKING QUESTIONS
35 REAL LIFE EXAMPLES
39 HOW LONG TO BANTER
45 SUMMARY

Click Here & Start Flirting With Women NOW:

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 MESSAGE FROM MARNI
Are you ready to start bantering like
a master??? You better be because
by the time you finish reading this
guide you will know exactly how to
speak to women in a way that builds
attraction.

The Banter Guide contains in-depth

instructions that guide you through
how an attraction-building
conversation should unfold. It gives

practical exercises to develop engaging conversations with humor and

social calibration that women find highly attractive.

As with all my programs, I only show you the best of the best. And when it
comes to banter, wit and being playful there is NO ONE better than my
friend and co-host of The Ask Women Podcast Kristen.

Kristen has successfully coached men from around the world on how to
banter, be playful and flirt with women both online and off. And now she is
going to do the same for you.

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You’re about to discover the secrets to mastering the art of banter with
whomever you want, wherever you want.

When you’re done with this program, you’ll be better at bantering than 99%
of the guys you know.

You’ll be able to ignite primal attraction with any woman you desire. You’ll
know exactly how to make any girl vie for your attention, and engage with
you on a level most guys can’t even detect.

You ready to get started? You better be ;)

Marni

5.
 MESSAGE FROM KRISTEN
If you’ve ever listened to The Ask Women
Podcast, you know who I am. I’m Marni’s
co-host, the one who makes all those amazing
jokes (Marni’s aren’t so bad either). When we
started the show together four years ago,
I thought all I had to contribute were quips and
occasional one-liners. But, it turns out I have a
lot more to offer on the dating front than
I originally thought.

I love to banter. It’s kind of my “thing.” It all started when I was a nerdy kid
with glasses as thick as this manual.

I spent most of my time with adults - partly by choice and partly because
I didn’t have any friends. Ok, so it wasn’t really by choice.

Regardless, I enjoyed being around adults because I loved hearing them

talk, specifically about minutia. I liked talking about minutia. No one my
age cared to pine over the small details of everyday life, but I did.

The highlight of my year was going to some distant cousin’s graduation

party and listening to my father and his Italian relatives “shoot the shit”
and joke about the other family members. I think the scientific term for
what they were doing is called “bust balls.” And, that is how I learned to
communicate - by watching middle-aged Italian men yell over one
another.
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Many years later, at 24 years old, I started doing stand-up comedy. I

learned quickly that hanging around comedians and interacting with
audiences was a lot like the graduations parties I went to as a kid. The
years I spent soaking in playful banter paid off and I was able to keep up
with my comedy peers. Without the skill, I would have been eaten alive.
And, in the dating world, you will too.

So, pay close attention to the tips and tricks in the guide below and
remember practice makes perfect (or, at least it’ll make you not as bad as
you were before).

Kristen

BANTERING: WHAT IS IT?

WHY DO YOU NEED IT?
Bantering is a skill not everyone is fortunate enough to have. But, it is a
skill that everyone needs. And, luckily, it’s one you can learn.

What is it exactly? It’s not as abstract as you might think. According to

Google Dictionary, banter is “talk or exchange of remarks in a good-
humored teasing way.”

What the definition leaves out however, is that banter sets the groundwork
for deeper conversation down the line. It helps make someone comfortable
with you so one day they may be willing to transition to a more meaningful
conversation. And, that conversation combined with the right attraction
could lead to a deep connection, both mental and physical.

7.
Without banter, flirting is extra
difficult or pretty much impossible.
Think back to when you were a kid-
how did you flirt with the cute girl
you sat next to in 3rd grade?

Maybe you pulled her hair or

tapped her chair enough to drive
her mad. It may have not won her
over, but it got her attention.

Now, as adults, you want to get her

attention AND win her over, and
the art of wordplay will help you do
that.

WHY DO WOMEN
FIND IT ATTRACTIVE?
You’ve heard this line time and time again from women: “I want a guy with
a great sense of humor.”

And, the reason is simple. She wants to laugh, because laughing means
she’s having fun. When a woman is having fun, she will let her guard down
and allow herself to the opportunity to feel attracted to someone.

Fun and attraction go hand in hand. Imagine trying to feel connected and
attracted to someone you can’t have fun with. Unless you’re a masochist,
you just won’t feel any feelings toward that person.

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Also, a man bantering is a man with confidence. The right amount of

confidence is, dare I say, an aphrodisiac for women.

DO ALL WOMEN
FIND IT ATTRACTIVE?
I’m going to go out on the world’s sturdiest limb and say YES, ABSOLUTELY.
Unless you banter with your hairy beer belly rubbing against a pile of dog
poo, she WILL find it attractive.

Bantering is universal. People all over the world use banter. It’s how we
connect, share a laugh and stay sane.

However, there may be times when a woman doesn’t feel like bantering. She
might be having a bad day, you may not be the right person or she’s too tired
to strike up conversation with a stranger. But, there will always be many
times in her life where she’ll truly enjoy banter.

If you come across a woman doesn’t feel like bantering, don’t take it
personally. There is another woman right around the corner who is ready
and willing.

9.
Here’s a list of all the women
who find bantering attractive:

• Short women • Religious women

• Tall women • Young women
• Shy women • Old women
• Emo women • Serious women
• Business women • Bitchy women
• Rich women • Sweet women
• Broke women

COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS
Misconception 1 - Bantering is Boring
Banter is not boring or just something old men do over a game of chess.
When done right it is actually very fun and invigorating. It’s like game of
ping pong. It may take a few tries to get the volley going but once it does,
you’ll feel the momentum. And, momentum is how you get her phone
number or get the second date.

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Misconception 2 - Bantering is “Catcalling“

I’ve worked with men who thought they could start bantering with a
woman by catcalling her. First of all, catcalling won’t even get her to smile
at you let alone engage in a playful conversation. Second of all, no.

Throw away the idea that shouting “Hey beautiful!” as she walks by will get
her to take you seriously. I promise, it won’t. It might get her to start
walking faster and the only thing she’ll like about that is the extra calories
she’s burning by getting away from you. When you catcall her, you objectify
her and that will close her off even more than she was before you
interacted in the first place.

Misconception 3 - Bantering is shallow

Bantering may only brush the
surface of conversation but that top
layer can tell you SO MUCH about a
person. It can reveal someone’s
values, intelligence, if they’re down
to earth and so on. You don’t need
to get her to tell you her deepest
secrets in order find out a lot about
her. Bantering is a great litmus test
to decide if this person is worth
moving forward with.

11.
 ELEMENTS OF BANTER
In order to be able to banter, you need to know the elements that make
banter, banter. You can remember them by the acronym POWS.

1. Playfulness
2. Opinions
3. Wordplay
4. Sarcasm

PLAYFULNESS
It is incredibly important to
remember that playfulness is the
most important part of banter.
Without this, it’s not bantering,
it’s bickering, belittling or just
plain having a BORING back and
forth. If you lack the lightness
necessary to banter, you will
come across harsh, aggressive,
bland and unlikable. There’s also
a pretty good chance you’ll hurt
her feelings, too. And, you don’t
want to do that. Save that for
your annoying sister.

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Remember that your intention is to be light and funny with her. It should
feel easy to talk to you, like she’s known you for years or will at least
WANT to know you for years. The idea is to make her feel safe with you.
And, women LOVE feeling safe. In my personal experience, I have only
dated or been with men that have made me feel safe. Once I feel safe, I feel
comfortable being myself, uninhibited, sexy and in love.

Below is an example of online playful banter versus banter that isn’t

playful.

THE SCENARIO
While messaging back and forth, “Sara” spells your name wrong. Please
note the spelling of her name as well.

Not Playful Her: Thanks Jon :)

You: It’s John.
Her: Whoops! Sorry, my bad.
You: It’s in my profile.
Her: I guess I can’t read.
You: Ha, yeah.
Playful Her: Thanks Jon :)
You: Who’s Jon? Are you cheating on me already?!
Her: Lol. Whoops! John.
You: Thanks Sarah
Her: Wait! Who’s SaraH?! Are you cheating on me already?
You: Never! Unless you’re a math test, I would never cheat.

13.
OPINIONS
“Opinions - they’re like assholes, everyone’s got one.” BUT, DO THEY? Far
too often I come across guys who are afraid to be anything but vanilla
because they are afraid of offending a woman they are interested in. And
ironically, by not forming your own thoughts, you are not going to hold her
interest and you’ll lose her anyway.

Please make that old cliché I just recited true again. It is SO important to
have opinions. Without opinions, you will have no perspective. And, you
need perspective in order to have something to banter about in the first
place.

And remember, opinions don’t have to always be in regard to heavy topics

like politics or religion. They can be as simple as what your favorite color is.
So, you can still have a personality without bleeding your heart out about
your thoughts on the latest Trump headline. (Please refer to page 27 for
heavy/taboo topics.)

Another thing I notice is that men can be hesitant when it comes to sharing
their negative opinions. This is silly. Negative opinions are just as important
as positive ones. Having negative opinions is part of the human experience
and you may find you connect on your shared mutual hatred of the that
Oscar winning film EVERYONE ELSE loves.

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Here’s the general rule I suggest with

negativity and positivity: If you are given
10 topics, you should speak positively of 6
of them and critically of 4 of them.

Obviously, the above suggestion is

malleable and can change but that is a
general guideline. There should never be
a constant string of negativity NOR should there be a constant stream of
positivity. You’ll end up reading either monotone or like a downer. There is
nothing sexy about being monotone or being a downer.

And, remember that you don’t want to confuse “having opinions” with
“being unmovable in your stance on something.” Be open to hearing her
ideas and don’t shove your ideas down her throat. You’re supposed to use
opinions as groundwork to build more conversation. IN MY OPINION
(haha, get it?), being too opinionated is not an attractive quality. It’s all
about balance. You want to have enough opinions to give yourself some
flavor but not so much that you’re a flavor that is hard to swallow. Opinions
are like salt. You NEED salt to make food taste good but too much and it
becomes inedible. Don’t be inedible.

Below is an example of bantering in person on a date where they guy has

no opinions versus a guy with strong opinions.

15.
No Opinions With Opinions

You: What’s your beverage of choice?

Her: I actually LOVE whiskey.
You: Cool.
Her: What’s your go-to drink?
You: I don’t know. Lately, I’ve been drinking beer.
Her: What’s your favorite beer?
You: I don’t really have one.
Her: Oh. AWKWARD SILENCE

With Opinions

You: What’s your beverage of choice?

Her: I actually LOVE whiskey.
You: Oh my god. I HATE whiskey. I used to love it until I got SO SICK off of it
a couple of years ago. Now I can’t even smell it without having flashbacks.
It’s like I have whiskey PTSD.
Her: Laughs... What happened?
You: This is more of a third date story.
Her: Tell me!
You: You sure you want to hear it? I wanted you to stay for AT LEAST one
drink.
Her: I don’t scare easily

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Notice how having a take on something can give legs to the conversation?

The first conversation was dead-ended, lifeless and sucked the energy out
of the room. But, when you opened up about not liking whiskey, it allowed
you to tell a colorful story as to why you hate it. It also gave you room to
paint the world with so much more color. This brings her into your world
and makes the two of you so much more connected.

WORDPLAY

This is probably the trickiest of all the elements because wordplay really
does not come naturally to some people, just like how math doesn’t come
naturally to me.

The definition from Wikipedia may sound intimidating but don’t let it scare
you. Many of the examples listed are used by professional writers, not by
guys like you just tryin’ to get a date or some action.

Regardless, let’s take a look at Wikipedia’s definition.

It says wordplay is: "a literary technique and a form of wit in which the
words that are used become the main subject of the work, primarily for
the purpose of intended effect or amusement." The description goes on to
say “Examples of word play include puns, phonetic mix-ups such as
spoonerisms, obscure words and meanings, clever rhetorical excursions,
oddly formed sentences, double entendres, and telling character names.”

17.
That was a mouthful. All of that is really just a long, fancy way of saying
“clever.”

But, please note, I don’t recommend the use of spoonerisms. A

spoonerisms is an error in speech in which corresponding consonants,
vowels, or morphemes are switched
or a “twist of the tongue.” For example, instead of “ass-backwards” you’d
say “bass- ackwards.” And, in my opinion any dummy can say that by
mistake, so unless it’s actually a mistake, don’t do it. It’s not very funny.

And, make sure not to over use double entendres. That is one technique
you want to be very careful with. A double entendre is a word that can
mean two things and a person will employ both meanings to elicit a
comedic effect. So, basically a double entendre is a fancy version of a “pun.”

Here is an example of a double entendre: “I can’t stand drinking - I keep

falling down.”

“I can’t stand” can mean either that you don’t like something OR that you
physically cannot remain on your feet. And, by combining them you get this
play on words. Doing something like this can be funny but only ONCE in a
great while. Overusing this type of joke can come across very dad joke-ish
or hacky.

Below is an example of a quick way to insert some word play. Remember,

wordplay takes some charm to pull off so if you do it, make sure you have a
playful delivery.

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Successful Attempt

Her: I feel so old lately. I just found my first gray hair. I thought I was going
to die.
You: Like, hair dye?

See? They’re a little cheesy. It’s okay to be cheesy like this every once in a
while,
but definitely not on every date.

SARCASM
I am soooooo excited about this element.

Just kidding, that was sarcasm.

I am NOT looking forward to breaking down sarcasm. Every definition I can

find makes sarcasm sound negative or unfavorable as you can see from
Wikipedia’s description:

“Sarcasm is a sharp, bitter, or cutting expression or remark; a bitter gibe

or taunt."

Psychologist Clifford N. Lazarus describes sarcasm as "hostility disguised

as humor.”

19.
If I may add to Dr. Lazarus’s take on sarcasm, I think it is not only disguising
humor in hostility but more positively, it’s also finding humor in hostility. If
you’re going to be hostile, you might as well do it in a funny manner. And,
although I think Dr. Lazarus’s observation is correct, I don’t think it applies
to ALL sarcasm. I believe there are variations of sarcasm. And, the different
aberrations come from delivery which include body language, tone and
context.

Delivery: Remember, you want to have an overall energy that is relaxed

and inviting.

If you’re feeling angry or short tempered on a first date or upon first

meeting someone, this is NOT, I repeat, NOT the time to use sarcasm.

Body language: It can be as simple as giving a devilish grin or raising

your eyebrows. You’ll want to avoid putting your hands on your hips or
ringing your hands - that will read as negative and closed off.

Tone: The inflection of your speech can go up or down or even come to a

mumble.
Your pacing of speech can also speed up or slow down. The tone is basically
your verbal warning saying, “Heads up, sarcasm incoming!”

Context: The circumstances surrounding your conversation are

important. You should ask yourself, have we been connecting? Are we
having a good time? Has she been playing back? Does she seem like
someone who will “get” sarcasm? If the answer to these questions is yes,
then feel free to proceed with sarcasm.

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A lot of television, specifically sitcoms, employ sarcasm for many of their

jokes. Chandler Bing from “Friends” is almost always speaking in a
sarcastic manner. Here are a few sarcastic lines of his for reference:

“Nice camouflage. For a minute, I almost didn’t see you.”

“I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.” (said when one of his cast
mates was boring him)

“ I’m glad we’re having a rehearsal dinner. I rarely practice my meals

before I eat.”
I recommend watching some reruns of sitcoms that do sarcasm very well
like Friends, Frasier, and of course my love, Seinfeld.

Watch for the rhythm and manner in which they deliver sarcastic lines and
how they use their eyes and voices to indicate they’re being sarcastic.

21.
Here’s an example of how to and how not to use sarcasm on a date:

THE SCENARIO: “Sara” is late for your first date

Wrong
Her: Hi! I’m Sara. Sorry I’m late.
You (not smiling): It’s okay. 30 minutes goes by really fast when you’re
waiting alone.
Her: Ha. Yeah, sorry about that.
You: Lots of traffic?

Right
Her: Hi! I’m Sara. Sorry I’m late.
You (smiling): Hey Sara, nice to meet you. It’s okay, time flies when you’re a
nervous wreck.
Her: Awe. You’re nervous?
You: Huh? Me? Noooo, I said the traffic must have been a wreck.

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HOW TO BANTER
POWS should have given you an idea how
banter works but in this section we’ll really
get into the nitty gritty of HOW TO banter.
I’ll show you how to start banter and how to
keep it going.

The steps to witty banter, whether online or

in person are:

1. OPEN WITH SOMETHING WITTY

2. YES, AND... NO, BUT RULE
3. ASKING QUESTIONS

STEP 1 - OPEN WITH SOMETHING WITTY

OCS Method
I’m sure you’re familiar with the OSA, the acronym you hear Marni mention
a lot. OSA stands for Observe, Share, Ask. In this instance, we’ll be using
the acronym OCS which stands for Observe, Correlate, Share.

Most wit comes from making correlations. For example, if your date shows
up wearing all black, first you need to observe this detail. Next, you make a
correlation. Ask yourself, what does all black mean? When do most people
wear all black? What does this say about them?

23.
At this point, you can share a witty statement. In this instance, because
your date has showed up wearing all black, you can tease her with a line
like, “Pregaming before the funeral?”

If you’re smiling, not hesitating and have open body language, she’ll know
that you’re playfully teasing her. A statement like this will set the mood for
what’s to come: fun.

Observing is the first step to starting the “ping pong match” of words.
When you observe the world around you or details in a woman’s dating
profile, it will give you a starting point or a place of entry into banter.

Opposite Method – OCOS Method

Sometimes while using OCS, you’ll find that using an opposite correlation is
a more appropriate way to introduce some wit. OCOS stands for Observe,
Correlate with an Opposite, Share.

Recently, on episode 248# of The Ask Women Podcast, a listener

mentioned that he saw a girl looking at “booty shorts” and didn’t think
there would be anything witty to say to her in this situation. He couldn’t
have been more wrong.

Because BALANCE in everything is so important, this was a great

opportunity to apply OCOS. Let’s break down why.

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A girl is looking at “booty shorts.” Booty shorts are inherently sexy. If you
say something to match booty shorts, you’ll end up saying something
overly sexualizing or distasteful.

So, instead, apply the Opposite Method.

So, in this case, a funny opening line would be, “Shopping for your dad?”

Obviously, fathers, or at least one you’d want as you father, wouldn’t be

shopping for booty shorts, nor would he ever wear booty shorts. So, it’s a
funny opener. Using the Opposite Method is an easy, a short cut, if you will,
to being funny.

Now that I’ve broken down OCS and OCOS, let’s take a look at starting
banter with something witty through online dating.

Online
Below you’ll find a barebones Tinder profile. At first glance you might think
there isn’t much to observe in her profile. She gives you very, very little to
work with. BUT, if you look closer and OBSERVE, you’ll see you can extract
A LOT more information than you first thought.

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 Some observations I’ve taken from
this limited profile:

1. Her clothing/beanie shows she’s laid

back and has a “Tomboy” edge

2. Her name isn’t a typical girl’s name

3. She’s not showing her teeth - does she

not like her smile?

4. TYPO. She’s an English grad but didn’t

use the correct grammar after “grad”

Charlie, 21 5. She chose a black and white photo

less than a kilometer away. Active just now
Journalist, English grad. 6. She must be a very new journalist
because she’s only 21 years old

7. Her nail polish and lipstick indicate that despite the “Tom Boy” image
she’s presenting, she still cares about her looks

8. IT’S NOT SELFIE. WOOT! (bonus points!)

9. And so on...
Now I’m going to show you the MANY correlations you can make using the
above observations that give you a starting place to develop a witty opener
that will ultimately lead to a more fulfilling conversation.

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Observation 1:
“Her clothing/beanie shows she’s laid back and has a little “Tomboy”
edge”

• Does she enjoy watching or playing sports?

• Does she have brothers?
• Is she going to steal some of your hoodies?
• She might whip your butt at beer pong
• She makes her work/studies a priority

Observation 2:
“Her name isn’t a typical girl’s name”

• Is she named after someone?

• Does it get annoying when people assume she must be a boy before they
meet her/see her?
• Is that her real name?
• Has she ever dated a guy with the same name?

Observation 3:
“She’s not showing her teeth - does she not like her smile?”

• This isn’t something to banter about early on but it could be useful down
the road

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Observation 4:
“TYPO. She’s an English grad but didn’t use the right grammar after
“grad””

• Is she not taking dating seriously? Or, perhaps she’s just not taking Tinder
seriously?
• Maybe she’s very busy
• Do you notice a lot of typos once you get into an online banter/
conversation?
• She’s human

Observation 5:
“She chose a black and white photo”

• Are all/most of her photos in black and white? If so, why?

• Is she on the artsier side?
• Is she into photography?
• Maybe she feels she looks her most attractive in black and white

Observation 6:
"She must be a very new journalist because she’s only 21 years old”

• What kind of journalist is she?

• What made her choose that major/profession?
• Most journalists are curious by nature. Is she a curious person?
• Does she look up to any journalists?

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Observation 7:
“Her nail polish and lipstick shows she cares about her looks”

• She looks like she still likes to be feminine despite the “Tomboy” vibe
• Because she looks to be both feminine and sporty, she’s probably well
rounded
• She can hang with the guys AND the girls

Observation 8:
“IT’S NOT SELFIE. WOOT! (bonus points!)”

• She’s probably not vain

• She might be more down to earth
than many
• She can probably carry a pretty
great conversation

WOW. That was a lot of observing.

See just HOW MUCH can come from
so little?

Now, I’m going to pick three of the observations from above and use them
to show different opener options to start a conversation. Most men will
start with boring things like “Hey! How’s your week?” or “How do you like
journalism?” By using openers similar to this, using this process, you’ll
stand out from the crowd.

29.
You’ll notice that some of the openers are
more risky than the others. The more
confident you get in banter and teasing, the
more comfortable you’ll be with taking the
bigger risks.

Opener 1 Observation 2: Her Boy’s Name

“If we ever get married, our wedding
invitations will scare SO many old people.”

Opener 2 Observation 1: Her Attire

“I have that EXACT same outfit. It looks so
much better on you than it does on me.”

Opener 3 Observation 4: Her Typo

“I’m not an investigative journalist but if I was I’d cover the story of your
comma typo.”

In-Person
The great part about online openers is that you can really take your time to
craft the perfect one. In person, however, it’s a much different story. You’re
in real time with actual clocks ticking.

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Before trying to be a witty-pro in real life, I recommend practicing online

so you can get into the swing of things. If you’re not online dating, it’s a
good idea to make a dating profile somewhere just to use as a means of
practicing. A great place to make a profile solely for practice is on Tinder.
There are SO many people on Tinder. Even if you don’t match with tons of
women, you can use their profiles to write down observations. Then you
can practice turning those observations into openers.

By practicing at home, you’ll be better equipped to open with something

witty in the real world. So, if you’ve already practiced at home, please
proceed.

First thing to think about when looking to engage in banter with a woman
is your body language. When you approach her, be sure that you have your
shoulders back, stand at an angle, have a smile on your face and DON’T
HESITATE. Women can sense any hesitation or discomfort immediately.
She’ll immediately pick up your vibe and she will either lose interest before
there was even a chance to get interest OR she’ll take on your
uncomfortable vibe and be just as awkward as you are.

Secondly, apply OCS (observe, correlate, share). More than likely you’ll
have come up with what you’re going to say before the approach. The key
is not getting tongue tied the minute she says something back to you that
you weren’t expecting.

This brings me to the second step of “How To.”

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STEP 2 - YES, AND... NO, BUT.

“Yes, and...” is a rule-of-thumb in improvisational comedy that suggests

that a participant should accept what another participant has stated
("yes") and then expand on that line of thinking (“and”).

This rule can be applied to conversation, not just to improv, as a way to

make a conversation grow. You may have heard this phrase from time-to-
time or it’s the first time you’ve ever heard it, either way you’ve never seen
it with “No, but”. That’s because it’s my own little flavor I added to it to
create a little conversation tension.

Tension is so important in flirtation. Adding in an occasional “No, but” to

the rule gives some space for sexual tension to grow. You will want to
connect on some subjects because it will create a bond but disagree on
others. It’s the ups and downs, pulling and pushing that will create
attraction.

Below is a rudimentary example of a “Yes, and...” conversation so you can

see the general idea and rhythm. I’ve also included a “Yes, and... No But”
conversation to demonstrate how a little “disagreement” can give the back
and forth some life and flirtation.

“Yes, and...” (boring)

Her: I love so many shows on Netflix
You: Yeah, I watch so much Netflix and it’s taking over my life.
Her: Oh my god, it’s taking over mine and my favorite show of their’s is
Strangers Things.
You: Yeah, Stranger Things was good, and I like their comedy specials too.

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“Yes, and... No, but” (building tension)

Her: I love so many shows on Netflix
You: Yeah, I watch so much Netflix and it’s taking over my life.
Her: It’s taking over mine and my favorite show is Strangers Things.
You: No way, Stranger Things is the worst show they have.
Her: Oh my god, you’re soooo wrong.
You: The only thing I’m wrong about is this date going well (smirk).

It may sound harsh but if the tone has been set and you delivered that line
with a charming smile, her reaction will be a playful tap on your shoulder and
laugh as she says “Hey now!”

The above examples work for both online and in-person banter. However, if
you’re online and don’t have a great sense of the vibe quite yet, you can
throw in an emoji or two to show her you’re being playful. I’m not a fan of too
many emojis’s though. Using them too often can come across a bit childish
and they also show you’re not secure in what you just said. Err on the side of
confidence and don’t overuse them. So, if you’re able to get away with not
using one, take the risk and don’t use it. Mmm, k?

It’s all about rhythm, confidence and tension. Once you’ve gotten those
things down, you can transition into...

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STEP 3 - ASKING QUESTIONS
After several minutes of good banter,
you have established yourself as
someone with some charm and
smarts. This means you can work
your way into something a little more
serious conversation-wise. But, don’t
confuse “serious” with “heavy.” (You
can read about how to handle heavy
topics on page 27)

It’s all about balance. You don’t want to be ALL banter or ALL serious. You
need to find the right balance. Once you begin talking about things in a bit
more of a serious manner, that doesn’t mean you’re stuck there. You can
sway back and forth between the two. This will keep things lively. The
questions don’t have to be massive ones like, “What was your relationship
with your father like?” They can be simple ones. You never know, a simple
question may spark a bigger conversation.

To make your questions fit seamlessly into the banter you’re having, keep
the question somewhat on topic. For example, if you’re talking about food,
don’t suddenly slam on the breaks and bring up movies. Follow the natural
flow of the conversation and ask a question that fits.

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Referring back to the “Yes, and... No, but” conversation, you’ll see how
easy it is to move from banter into an actual question. See below.

Conversation Transition:
Her: I love so many shows on Netflix.
You: Yeah, I watch so much Netflix and it’s taking over my life.
Her: Yes, it’s taking over mine and my favorite show of theirs is Strangers
Things.
You: No way, Stranger Things is the worst show they have.
Her: Oh my god, you’re soooo wrong.
You: The only thing I’m wrong about was this date going well
Her: Hey! (gives you a love tap on the shoulder)
You: Ow! You’re pretty strong. (obviously kidding)
Her: Am I? You: Do you go to the gym?

With the change of your tone, you can go from being silly to asking an
actual question. You don’t need to drop the pitch of your voice a ton, just
enough so she knows you’re actual asking. If she continues to be playful,
just go with it and don’t force the question.

REAL LIFE EXAMPLES

On the following 3 pages you’ll find 3 sets of actual, real life text exchanges.
The corresponding links will bring you to a video explanation of me talking
about why these messages are great examples of good banter.

*Please note: The first two sets of messages do not read in order. I only
wanted to include GOOD banter so I had to trim some of the fat so you can
see what banter looks like when it’s working well. The final set of messages
DO read in order. Please read from left to right.

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1. See video explanation here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_G8ZEZsLn8

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2. See video explanation here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbQvlMDNDWE&feature=youtu.be

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3. See video explanation here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mkuA8Q-4fE

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HOW LONG To BANTER

Have you ever been on a rollercoaster and
you’re like, “This is awesome!!!” and then
hit a point where you start feeling sick and
you’re like, “Okay, enough already, I’m
going to puke”?

That’s what banter is like.

For a little while it’s GREAT and EXCITING but after too long, it gets old.
Banter that once shined brightly, with too much time, is now a dull and
lackluster version of what it once was.

To give an exact time limit is difficult, however. The context, the people and
the subject matter all play a part in how long it should last. As I mentioned
earlier, going back and forth between serious conversation and playful
conversation is the best option, as the silliness will naturally fade away
when it is supposed to.

However, if you don’t have a rhythm down between the serious and the
silly, I recommend getting out while the getting is good. That means, if
you’re feeling GREAT about your banter game, as much as you’d like to
keep it going, DON’T. This moment, the one where you’re at the top of your
game, is the moment you go in for the phone number or the first date. Or, if
you’re really ballsy, it’s the moment you walk away. Tell her you have to go
hang with your friends and you’ll see her later. Something to keep her
wanting more.

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This key is to keep it fresh. Don’t wear out your welcome.

I’M NOT FUNNY. NOW WHAT?

Sorry my unfunny friend, that means you’ve got some homework to do.

You may remember when I mentioned the word “correlation” and how
important it is when it comes to wit. Well, you and correlation are going to
spend some time getting to know one another.

I have an exercise I want you to do so you can start making funny

observations. The exercise is simple and the more you practice it, the
quicker you will be on your toes.

First, Observe. Pick a subject, a thing, a person, anything present or

happening in the world around you.

Second, Infer. Make 3 inferences about that thing. For example, if you
observe a woman with a yoga mat, what does that mean? It can mean a
whole slew of things like; she’s into health and wellness OR she is trying to
de-stress OR she hates yoga and her friend is making her go. There are a
million inferences to make with any given scenario.

Third, Correlate.

Make a correlation between the subject and inference - this is where you
should start to think of something funny.

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Conversation Masturbation:
Another good exercise to increase your banter skills is to talk to yourself.
Normally, talking to yourself will make you look crazy. But, since you can do
this in private, the world will be none the wiser.

I recommend asking yourself questions and answering your own questions.

Yes, OUT LOUD. The questions don’t need to be ones you know the
answers to or questions that pertain to you. They can be anything your
imagination conjures up, so you can practice getting quicker on your feet
with responses.

While you’re “conversating masturbating,” think about a few things like

would this conversation bore you, would you laugh at anything you’ve said,
are you offering any original thoughts, would you continue to engage with
you?

By thinking about those things, you’ll be able to better gauge whether or

not someone else would be enjoying this interaction. But, don’t get too in
your head. Just speak the first things that come to you. You may surprise
yourself with how playful you can actually be.

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Heavy/Taboo Topics:
I don’t think you should avoid heavy topics over the long term, it’s part of
connecting with someone and being a human being. However, I suggest
keeping the conversation light at the beginning. Although serious topics
may enter the conversation, you can try to steer the conversation back to a
playful place.

Below is an example of directing a conversation back to a playful space:

Her: Did you see there was another school shooting today?
Him: Aw, man. You stole my closer.
Her: Huh?
Him: I was going to save this convo for the goodnight kiss.
Her: Oh my god. ::: laughs :: (If she doesn’t get that you’re being silly, that’s
on her.)

Where Else Can You Use Banter?

In your career With her parents/in-laws To make new friends To get what
you want Negotiating (car buying etc)

Taking Risks
I suggest taking risks with banter. What’s the worst that can happen? She
doesn’t respond or un-matches you? So be it. It wasn’t meant to be anyway
if she can’t handle some light teasing.

43.
I recommend risks for the reason of that
old cliche, “The bigger the risk, the better
the reward.” There is a reason that phrase
has been around for a long time - because
it’s true.

However, if you find yourself continuously

taking risks and never getting anywhere
then you’ll need to reassess your banter
skills. It’s normal for a line or conversation
to fall flat, but not every time.

In stand-up comedy, if you have 1 bad set every 10 sets, you’re a solid
comedian.

That rule should apply to banter. But, keep in mind, it takes a long time to
work up to only 1 bad set for every 10 so don’t beat yourself up if your risks
aren’t paying off at the beginning.

Do’s and Don’ts:

Avoid race Don’t laugh at your own jokes - even in texts Smile Practice
online and with friends Put in the effort but if it’s not working, don’t force it
Don’t insult Avoid commentary on looks (unless it’s not offensive) Call out
the elephant in the room (For example, if you’re in an environment where
it’s really loud and hard to hear one another, say it. “Calling out the
elephant” will put her at ease) Contact me for practice -
KristenCarney.com/datinghelp

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SUMMARY
The great thing about banter is it can help you
get what you want or simply just be a pleasant
way to pass time. If you start bantering with the
latter in mind, without putting too much
pressure on yourself, you’ll be more likely to
have an easier time getting the skill down.

You know how you hear a song over and over

and eventually know all the lyrics even though
you were never even trying to learn them? That’s
what learning to banter is like. If you hear it
enough, “sing along” with it enough and feel its
rhythm, the next thing you know, it’ll be second
nature.

Watch the television shows I recommended,

re-read the examples I provided and surround
yourself with funny people. That sounds like a
pretty great and natural way to find whatever it
is you’re seeking whether it be a one-night stand
or a long lasting, meaningful relationship.

To learn more, please visit my site at

www.kristenandchill.com
and use the Special Coupon Code: MARNI01

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