The Social Skills

Playbook
BODY-LANGUAGE, CONVERSATION,
MANIPULATION AND LEADERSHIP

@EGODRIV
 Chapter 1

Introduction

T
here’s two kinds of people. You’re either one
or the other.

PERSON A:

“Why would I need to improve my social

skills? I hate people!”
“I’m an introvert, I don’t enjoy social
events, so I don’t need to improve my social
skills!”

Well, you are DEAD WRONG.

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WHY DO SOCIAL SKILLS MATTER?

Being unable to nurture and maintain positive and

good relationships, while enjoying your time around
other people will inevitably increase your social anxiety
levels. But not only that. It will also prevent you from
seizing many opportunities that might come from
simply meeting more people.

Poor social skills leads to social anxiety.

Social anxiety leads to NOT meeting new people.
NOT meeting new people leads to many lost
opportunities and unopened doors.

While you may not be “Person A” entirely, a part of

you may still resonante with that sense of apathy
towards self-development in the social skills eld. The
ideal state that comes from having competent social
skills is THRIVING in the realm of socializing with
others, not just surviving.
Competent social skills comes from consistent
conscious practice.

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PERSON B:

“I need to get better at dealing with people!”

”I want to work on my social skills, but I don’t
know where to start!”

C ONGRADULATIONS ! From the very fact that you’re

reading this book, it is apparent that you are part of
the 1% of men that value personal growth. An enthu‐
siastic attitude towards consistent self-development
will take you far in life.
Where attention goes, energy ows. You get better
at what you focus on. Commit right now to work on
sharpneing your social skills every single day!

ASK YOURSELF:

“Why are social skills important to me?”

“How can I improve my social skills?”
“Have I unconsiously given up on myself, or
am I still ghting to succeed?”
“What are the TOP THREE THINGS holding

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me back from being successful with

people?”
“What are positive af rmations and self-
suggestions that I can give myself every day
to put myself in the proper state of mind for
optimal success when dealing with people?”

A LWAYS REMEMBER : you get better at whatever you

consiously focus on every day. To improve your social
skills meditate on its importance every single day, as
soon as you wake up. Ask yourself every day if you have
faught hard to be your best self, or if you have given
into weakness.

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 Chapter 2

Self-Awareness

SELF - AWARENESS IS THE CORE COMPONENT OF SOCIAL

SKILLS .

T
his will mainly be an introspective work. In
other words, you’re going to have to ask
yourself some questions and answer them in
the most honest way possible.

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W HAT YOU LEARN ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE PROCESS OF

INTROSPECTION WILL HELP YOU REACH YOUR FULL

POTENTIAL .

T HAT ’ S WHERE WE START , because if we’re going to work

on something we rst need to FIND THE PROBLEMS
THAT NEEDS TO BE FIXED. 1
Re ecting deeply about who you are, your lifest‐
lyle, your track record, and your present actions will
reveal aspects of your life that need to be corrected.
It is when problems are identi ed and named that one
is in the best position to x them. After all, you can’t x
a problem if you don’t even know that it exists.
Once you’ve identi ed problems in your current

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life, set speci c goals and create step-by-step action

plans to resolve them. 2

1. For how to x various speci c lifestyle problems, this is going to

be an ongoing book series - where each problem will need to be
addressed speci cally. Stay tuned for further books in the book
sereis!
2. For instance: if your problem is that you don’t know how to talk
to women then set a goal to go to your local cafe (or college
campus) and practice talking to women every day for 30
minutes. You get better at what you do. Whatever goal and plan
of action you set to resolve your problem, be CONSISTENT in
your execution and have a mentor that will hold you
accountable.

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 Chapter 3

Communication

FIRST AND FOREMOST, WHAT YOU NEED TO

UNDERSTAND IS THAT THERE ARE 2 MAIN
SIDES OF COMMUNICATION.

Nonverbal (body-language, micro-

expressions, postures, etc...)
Verbal (assertiveness, choice of words, tone,
listening abilities, rhetorical skills, short
answers, openers, etc..)

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B
eing socially skilled mainly means being
able to communicate properly and convey
your ideas while building positive rela‐
tionships.

Therefore…

The most essential thing you should work on is your

self-con dence.

Communicate with intense self-con dence.

No matter how good you are at communicating
your ideas, you will always fail to do so if you don’t
have the balls to take the initiative and be the rst
one to talk.

C OMMUNICATION IS NOT just about verbal

communication. It also concerns:

your posture,
the volume and tone of your voice
and the overall ability to impose your
presence regardless of the content of what
you’re going to say.

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This is criminally underrated. This is the very

reason some seemingly stupid people can manage to
impose their presence, without ever adding value to
any of the conversations they take part of; they simply
have their non-verbals mastered.

N ON - VERBALS ARE AS POWERFUL AS VERBALS . H OW YOU SAY

THINGS IS AS IMPORTRANT AS WHAT YOU ARE ACTUALLY

SAYING .

Your overall body language can come and hinder

your communication skills, if it does not match your
speech. Just as it can do the opposite and reinforce an
initially weak choice of words. Con dent communica‐
toins comes from aligning your non-verbal with
your verbals.
You can get away with a lot just by being con ‐
dent in the way that you conduct yourself.

NOW THE QUESTIONS ARE:

1- “How to improve?”
2- “How to practice?”

The answer (to both):

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 THE SOCIAL SKILLS PLAYBOOK

Put yourself out there and re ect on your

experiences.

You can practice with a friend or relative, but IS

THAT REALLY EFFECTIVE? The answer is NO. It won’t
be because you’ll be too comfortable in that situation.
The best growth happens when you’re outside your
comfort zone.

1- “Then, how should I practice?”

2- “What should I practice?”

Everytime you step foot outside of your home

dwelling, you will encounter many opportunities to
talk to strangers and sharpen your social skills. Utilize
daily opportunities to sharpen your skills. Be willing
to practice, even if you’re uncomfortable.

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 Chapter 4

Assertiveness

INTRODUCTION TO ASSERTIVENESS:

A
ssertiveness relies on 3 essential principles:

Clarity (Conciseness)
Acknowledgment of the other (Empathy)
Firmness (Enforcement)

For you to be properly assertive, you need to

combine those three principles.

C ONVEY YOUR MESSAGE CLEARLY , FIRMLY , AND

RESPECTFULLY .

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There is great importance in being short and

clear in your communication style; thus, eliminating
any uff that might create confusion in the mind of
your interlocutor. You want them to understand and
respect your boundaries.
That is how you can impose yourself, without step‐
ping on other people's toes or creating useless con ict.
Doing so will earn you respect without you attempting
to please, or impress anyone.

B EING ASSERTIVE IS FIRST AND FOREMOST : BEING

RESPECTFUL TOWARDS YOURSELF .

S O , how do you do it really?

Example: "I appreciate you calling me, but I'm

in the middle of something so I'll call you back
later."

Acknowledge the other person's effort FIRST. 1

Then reveal that you're not available; without
explaining yourself.
You don't need to tell them everything, all they
need to know is that you're not available. The more

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you will try to explain how busy you are; the more likely
they are to insist, or simply waste more of your time on
the phone.
End your sentence with your own terms: "I'll call
you back later.” 2 And that's the way it will be: non-
negotiable, yet, very respectful. The trick is to esca‐
late; yet keep calm and control conversation.

1. Behavior that you reward with attention will get reinforced. By

acknowledging their effort, you encourage their future effort on
your behalf.
2. Remember: people enter your reality ON YOUR TERMS.

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 Chapter 5

Assertiveness VS
Passive-
Aggressiveness:

ASSERTIVENESS VS PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVENESS:

T
ypically, people will think assertiveness
refers to passive-aggressive behavior. This is
a common misconception. Many people
confuse the two as one, but they are very different.

B EING ASSERTIVE IS NOT CALLED BEING PASSIVE

AGGRESSIVE .

Being assertive is setting clear

boundaries and imposing respect. 1
Being assertive is being proactive in
creating the type of social life and
interaction that you want.

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The essence of passive-aggressive behavior is

creating unncessary tensinon without a clear goal in
mind, while assertiveness aims at achieving a speci c
purpose.

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVENESS

P ASSIVE - AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR IS OFTEN A SIGN OF

DISCOMFORT AND AN INABILITY TO EXPRESS ONE ' S

FRUSTRATION EXPLICITLY .

P ASSIVE AGGRESSIVENESS IS THE TOOL OF THE WEAK . I T IS A

TOOL FOR COWARDS .

A SSERTIVENESS on the other hand respects other people's

personal space and boundaries.

ASSERTIVENESS

T HERE HAS TO BE A BALANCE BETWEEN SAYING " NO " TO

OTHERS AND SAYING " YES " TO YOURSELF .

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 THE SOCIAL SKILLS PLAYBOOK

It is explicitly putting up clear and

distinct boundaries of your own. It
doesn't mean harm or disrespect. It aims at
de ning the limits that you will accept,
without crossing other people's limits.
It is not about dominating your
interlocutor; it is about not letting anyone
disrespect you. Assertiveness is polite, yet
rm. As opposed to aggressive
communication, it isn't pushy.

T HOSE WHO ARE ASSERTIVE , KNOW WHAT THEY WANT AND

HOW TO ACHIEVE IT WITHOUT STEPPING ON OTHERS .

I T IS the sweet spot between self-con dence and proper

social skills that allow you to impose yourself without
putting others down. As opposed to being passive-
aggressive; or being either aggressive or passive.

A GGRESSIVENESS WILL LEAD YOU TO NOTHING BUT USELESS

CONFLICT .

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A RAISED voice indicates a lack of self-con dence that

you try to compensate for by violence.
On the other hand, being too passive (or not being
vocal enough) invites people to take advantage of you.
A sweet spot IS POSSIBLE. Be assertive - not
aggressive.

1. If you don’t even respect yourself, don’t expect others to respect

you.

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 Chapter 6

Assertiveness & Self-

Confidence

ASSERTIVENESS & SELF-CONFIDENCE

"It takes con dence to be assertive. But it builds

con dence to be assertive. Where you see a paradox,
I see a virtuous cycle."

L
et's explain. For those of you who don't know
what assertiveness means:

A SSERTIVENESS IS CONFIDENTLY AND EXPLICITLY ASSERTING

ONE ' S BOUNDARIES BY EXPRESSING THEM CLEARLY ,
1
WITHOUT FEELING ASHAMED OF THEM .

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PEOPLE WHO LACK CONFIDENCE.

People who lack con dence will more often

than not hold back and not set clear
boundaries for fear of being judged.
They want to be accepted by others so badly
that they’ll put up with anything.
They will thus accept behavior that
trespasses their personal boundaries and
will simply let people step on their toes.

This is due to their fear of offending the people

around them. That's why it takes con dence to be
assertive.
However, once you start learning and using
assertiveness, you will become more and more con ‐
dent in yourself. You will be able to stand up for
yourself and enforce your boundaries. 2 You will
become expressive of your limits and explicitly put
them out, so that people cannot use the excuse, “Oh, I
didn’t know!”

P RACTICING ASSERTIVENESS TEACHES YOU TO BE MORE

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 THE SOCIAL SKILLS PLAYBOOK

STRAIGHTFORWARD AND EXPRESS WHAT YOU HAVE IN MIND -

WITHOUT FEELING SHAME IN OFFENDING ANYONE .

A T THE END of the day, your thoughts are yours and

should always be respected. You'll have to enforce that
respect. 3 View yourself as someone worthy of being
respected by others; from the virtue of being a creation
of God, you have in nite intrinstic worth. Let that
sink in.

I NSTEAD OF SEEING assertiveness as unachievable due

to your low con dence, see it as your training
ground for developing con dence. Being assertive is a
sign of self-respect. It helps you maintain your self-
esteem, while imposing yourself in a healthy way to
avoid being taken advantage of.

W ANT TO GROW CONFIDENCE ? W ORK ON BECOMING MORE

ASSERTIVE .

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1. If saying “no” makes you feel guilty, you will end up saying
“yes” to things that are disadvantageous to you. It’s imperative
to be able to set boundaries and OWN IT.
2. The importance of standing up for yourself cannot be over‐
stated. If you don’t stand up for yourself, you will often be used,
abused and then discarded. It is imperative to have the strength
and self-respect to stand up for yourself. That is a responsibility
that no one can truly do but you!
3. Self-respect inspires others to respect you. You teach people
how to treaet you based on how you treat yourself.

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 Chapter 7

Assertive Body
Language

AS MENTIONED BEFORE, ASSERTIVENESS IS A

CORE COMPONENT OF SOCIAL SKILLS.

M
ost of the time, you will hear about verbal
assertiveness, but little is said about
Assertiveness & Body Language. In fact,
your body language plays a huge role in how assertive
you can be.

If your body language doesn’t match your words,

chances are you will not be taken seriously or that
your words will have a very small effect and fall on
deaf ears.

We often fail to realize the importance of body

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language in our communication skills. What is meant

by assertive body language is to have an overall
con dent outlook and avoid signaling the opposite
of the words you’re saying.
To do that, it is essential to avoid what is commonly
referred to as negative or weak body language. Why?
Because a weak body language conveys a lack of
con dence and doubts about the truth of your
words. In short: If you don’t show that you believe
what you’re saying, nobody’s going to believe what
you’re saying.

Here are a few mistakes you should

avoid committing:

1. A CROOKED OVERALL OUTLOOK:

One of the important things in exuding a con dent

body language is taking space and being at ease in your
movement. But, what people with poor social
skills/shyness/poor self-esteem do, is close upon them‐
selves and take as little space as possible.
The following are four essential examples.

Hunched shoulders: a sign of low

con dence

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Bowing head: a sign of submission

Closed arms: a sign of unwillingness to be
confrontational
Inconsistent Eye Contact: a sign of fear
and low con dence (especially when you
are the one talking)

1. A TIMID/LOW TONE OF VOICE:

Just as much as your body positioning matters, the tone

and volume of your voice matter. Even the speed at
which you talk matters. Someone who’s poorly skilled
will either talk too fast and too loud, or too slow and
too quiet. Both are inaudible.While the former is simply
annoying; the latter lacks rmness.
Being assertive in your tone of voice comes with
nding the right balance between both. Not too loud,
not too low. Not too slow, not too fast.

2. UNWELCOMING FACIAL EXPRESSIONS:

This is as important as anything else. For you to be

properly assertive, you need to avoid unwelcoming
facial expressions just as much as you should avoid
submissive body language. What is meant by unwel‐
coming facial expressions is faces that express

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emotions like anger, fear, or anxiety. For more informa‐

tion: refer to the section on Facial Expressions.

3. REPETITIVE GESTURES AND SPEECH

PATTERNS:

If you notice, everyone has their own set of words that

they often use. Some will prefer some speci c verbs or
adjectives or expressions over others and will reuse
them often. That’s what de nes their way of speaking.
The same applies to body language. If you are to
improve your body language’s assertiveness, you
should learn more gestures to better express yourself
and communicate your ideas. This will also allow using
your gestures to match your words.

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 Chapter 8

Facial Expressions

T
his part is mainly informative. This is the
knowledge that you should keep in mind, as it
will help you in reading situations and people.
Some points might seem obvious but it’s necessary to
define each one of them to have a better grasp of how
body language impacts your social skills.

FACIAL EXPRESSIONS:

Facial expressions can be a powerful tool for body

language. Most people tend to try and hide their
emotions. The fact is, no one can do truly hide their
emotions, and that is because…

F ACIAL EXPRESSIONS ARE INVOLUNTARY . T HAT MEANS THAT

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YOU CAN ’ T HELP IT BUT FLASH WHAT YOU REALLY FEEL ,

WHEN YOU ’ RE FEELING SOMETHING .

It is also important to note that facial expressions

can be very subtle. This is why I recommend that you
invest in a mirror and train your facial expressions. The
goal here is to become aware of the different messages
that you can send with your face and use them to your
advantage.

HERE ARE A FEW EXAMPLES OF MESSAGES YOU

CAN SEND THROUGH YOUR FACIAL
EXPRESSIONS:

1- ANGER

One of the most prominent and visible expressions,

anger is almost always easy to notice. Anger can be
conveyed in different ways.

The most common way is through squinting

and frowning.

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Other ways are through clenched teeth or a

furrowed brow.

Anger is usually accompanied by a certain type of

body language. This includes stance (shoulders
squared, and sts clenching) and gestures (pointing,
and poking). All of these are meant to be intimidating.

2- DISGUST

Disgust is usually conveyed through a

wrinkled nose and a frown.
The mouth is often open, and the tongue
may be protruding.

It is important to note that disgust can be directed

at a person, object or situation.

3- FEAR

Fear is usually conveyed through wide eyes,

and an open mouth.
The eyebrows are often raised, and the head
may be tilted to the side.

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The body may be tense, and the hands may

be raised in a defensive position.

4- HAPPINESS

Happiness is usually conveyed through a

smile.
The eyes may be closed, and the head may
be tilted back.
The hands may be raised in a gesture of
triumph.

5- SADNESS

Sadness is usually conveyed through a

furrowed brow and drooping eyelids.
The mouth may be downturned and the
head may be lowered.
The body may be hunched over and the
hands may be clasped in the lap.

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 Chapter 9

Gestures

GESTURES:

G
estures are often used to emphasize or
add meaning to spoken words. They can
also be used to communicate without
speaking.

There are many different types of gestures, but here are a

few of the most common:

1- POINTING

Pointing is often used to draw attention to

something.

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It can be used to emphasize a point or to

make a request.
Pointing can also be used to direct
someone’s attention to something.

2- WAVING

Waving is often used as a greeting or to say

goodbye.
It can also be used to get someone’s
attention.

3- CLAPPING

Clapping is often used to show approval or

to encourage someone.

4- THUMBS UP

The thumbs-up gesture is often used to

show approval or to indicate that something
is good.

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5- THUMBS DOWN

The thumbs-down gesture is often used to

show disapproval or to indicate that
something is bad.

6- HANDSHAKES

Handshakes are often used as a greeting or

to show appreciation. They can also be used
to seal a deal or to show support.

7- HUGS

Hugs are often used as a greeting or to show

affection.
They can also be used to show appreciation
or to show sympathy.

8- KISSES

Kisses are often used as a greeting or to

show affection.

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They can also be used to show appreciation

or to show sympathy.

9- HIGH FIVES

High ves are often used as a greeting or to

show appreciation.
They can also be used to show support or to
encourage someone.

10- FIST BUMPS

Fist bumps are often used as a greeting or to

show appreciation.
They can also be used to show support or to
encourage someone.

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 Chapter 10

Conversation
Starters

T HE BEST WAY TO START A CONVERSATION IS TO BE HONEST ,

AND THE EASIEST WAY , TO DO SO , IS TO SAY WHAT YOU ARE

THINKING .

For example, if you are thinking, "She's so

beautiful, I wonder what she's like," say it.
Not, "Um, hi, so, um, what do you do?"
The latter is a question, but it's not an
honest one. It's a way of trying to nd
something to say, and it sounds and feels
fake.

T HE BEST WAY TO START A CONVERSATION IS JUST TO SAY

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SOMETHING HONEST . I T DOESN ' T HAVE TO BE BIG OR DEEP

OR PROFOUND . J UST SOMETHING THAT ' S TRUE FOR YOU AT

THE MOMENT .

T HE SECOND BEST WAY TO START A CONVERSATION IS TO ASK

A QUESTION . B UT NOT JUST ANY QUESTION . A QUESTION

THAT IS SPECIFIC , INTERESTING , AND THAT SHOWS THAT YOU

ARE PAYING ATTENTION .

F
or example, if you are at a party and you
overhear someone saying that they just got
back from traveling, you could ask them
where they went and what they did. You could also ask
a follow-up question, like, "What was the best part of
your trip?"
The key with questions is to make sure they are
SPECIFIC and INTERESTING, and that they show that
you are really listening to the person you are talking to.

A NOTHER GREAT WAY TO START A CONVERSATION IS TO

MAKE A STATEMENT THAT IS INTERESTING , OR THAT SHOWS

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THAT YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH THE PERSON

YOU ARE TALKING TO .

For example, if you are at a party and you

see someone drinking a beer, you could say,
"I love beer too. What's your favorite?"
Or, if you are at a conference and you
overhear someone say they are a writer, you
could say, "I'm a writer too. What do you
write?"

The key with statements is to make sure they are

interesting, or that they show that you have something
in common with the person you are talking to.

A NOTHER GREAT WAY TO START A CONVERSATION IS TO ASK

FOR HELP . P EOPLE LOVE TO HELP , AND IT GIVES THEM A

CHANCE TO FEEL USEFUL AND IMPORTANT .

For example, you could say,

"I'm looking for the nearest library. Can you

help me?" Or,
"Can you help me nd my friend?"

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The key to asking for help is to be speci c and to

make sure that you are actually asking for help and not
just trying to start a conversation. 1

O NE FINAL WAY TO START A CONVERSATION IS TO

COMPLIMENT THE PERSON YOU ARE TALKING TO . B UT NOT

JUST ANY COMPLIMENT . A GENUINE , SPECIFIC , AND SINCERE

COMPLIMENT .

For example, you could say,

"I love your dress. Where did you get it?" Or,
"Your smile is really beautiful."

THE KEY TO COMPLIMENTS IS TO MAKE SURE

THEY ARE:

genuine,
speci c, and
sincere.

If you just say, "Nice shoes," it sounds fake and insin‐

cere. But if you say, "I love your shoes. They are really
unique," it sounds sincere and genuine.

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The bottom line is that there are a lot of great ways

to start a conversation. Just be honest, ask
interesting questions, make interesting statements,
ask for help, or give a genuine compliment. And
have fun!

1. Asking for help will buy you a few moments of time with the
particular stranger. During those few moments you can observe
them momentarily and that will inspire you to transition with
an observational opener. Simply notice something about them
that you found interesting/different/eccentric and share it
outloud.

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 Chapter 11

Be condent around
strangers:

S
ome people are naturally con dent and feel
comfortable around strangers, while others
may feel shy or uneasy. If you are not a natu‐
rally con dent person, there are a few things you can do
to try to boost your con dence.

First, try to relax and be yourself.

Secondly, try to focus on the positive
aspects of yourself and your interactions
with others.
Lastly, don't be afraid to ask questions or
start conversations. This will show that
you are interested and con dent.

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B UILD up your con dence gradually by starting with

small interactions and working your way up to
larger ones. For instance, you could start by making
eye contact and smiling at people you pass on the
street. Then progress to striking up conversations with
people you know slightly, such as acquaintances or co-
workers. With time and practice, you should start to
feel more con dent around strangers.
One way to be con dent around strangers is act
like you've known them for awhile. Be patient in
getting to know them and engage in conversation
starters. Be con dent in your own skin and don't be
afraid to be yourself. Find common grounds, be a good
listener, and let your body language do the talking.
Be yourself, and don't be afraid to let your
personality shine through. Be polite and friendly, but
don't be afraid to be a little bit quirky or different.
People will be drawn to your con dence and will be
more likely to want to get to know you. Remember that
everyone is a stranger at rst, so just take it slow and
enjoy getting to know new people.

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ASK YOURSELF:

“In what practical ways, can I put myself

out there to meet new people?”
“What should I do speci cally every day to
improve my social skills and be more
con dent around strangers?”

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