Crossroads: rebellious acts or upholding expectations

Crossroads are often associated with the decisive moments in our life where we are forced by
some larger than life phenomenon to choose a road to walk on and possibly change our whole life. I
am now at one of these supposed crossroads.

The crossroads that is chewing away at my sanity is one that I must inspect carefully, as this might
dictate the path I would take in life. Although I implied that I am still yet to choose which direction to
take at the crossroads, I would like to address that I am already one foot in at the other avenue. The
two avenues that compose this hellish crossroads are representations of the places that I think would
foster growth in me. The first road/avenue leads to me holding up the expectations people have for me
and staying at the place that benefits me and those who support me. The 2nd one will lead me to
conduct my first, perhaps also the last, rebellious act in my life and leave my current spot and choose
the place that I want to be in. Upon first look the latter seems to be a choice no rational thinking
person would even try and look at, however, I would beg to differ.

The avenue that most of the people in my life expect me to keep taking is the one that would have
me shoulder the expectations of many and in turn help me to grow as a person/learner in a more
convenient and caring environment. This place will foster my growth using lenient means, trying not
to break the comfort zone that I created for myself. Further down this road I think that I will be able to
explore a lot of options that would help me discover more about myself and have a lot of time to do
things that would quench my inner curiosity or in other words, the things that I want. Although this
place seems to be a paradise for self-growth, this place was never a sight that I thought I would set my
sights on every morning until afternoon. Rather, this is a place that someone other than me suggested
that I take. Make no mistake, I was still the one who chose this avenue but it still can't shake away the
fact that the whole idea was not from me. I am uncomfortable knowing that I chose this place that was
regarded as a mere suggestion and it wasn’t even on my mind before that.

The first avenue would definitely nurture me and help me grow, however, like everything in this
world it is not devoid of any flaw. I am unsure of how prepared travelling this road would make me be
for the “cold” realities of our world. Since my growth was fostered under a veil that covers the
possible horrors of the outside world, I worry that once I step foot on the barren lands trodden by the
mass of our society, I would crumble. No matter how far my growth has come, if I take on the world
without even seeing it for even a fraction of its entirety, I don't think that I would survive. These are
mere thoughts that I associate with the former road, but I still think it should be something seriously
taken into consideration despite being mostly theoretical.

The latter, or the second avenue is not the popular one. This would lead me to execute an action
unbecoming of the usual “me” and thus, i think would be labelled as rebellious. This would then
shepherd me to a place much more rigid and uncompromising than the one I stay at right now. Within
this place, there is no guarantee that I would be able to broaden my horizons and leave without any
long lasting markings to myself that remind me of the person I used to be. The methods that I think
would be used here would be more similar to that of whipping a formless object into a shape that
would represent its best state. It would help me achieve growth without the protective veil that I have
right now which would help prepare me for the “realities” of our world, however there is no guarantee
that I will even be able to sustain growth. The constant nurturing that I am somewhat familiar with
right now would change to me having to find synthetic substances that would aid in my journey to a
better me. Whilst I would be more ready for the world, the guarantee of me leaving with the growth I
hoped to obtain is not awfully high let alone me leaving unscathed of the “whips”.

Whichever avenue I take, I would suffer some sort of blowback, although one might be heavier
than the other. Given that there would be cons and pros with the roads in my proverbial crossroads, I
think that it would only narrow to what I want at the time that I am forced to make a decision.
Whether to keep continuing on the road I started, or turn back and start taking the other one before I
get to the point of no return. I could only wish that the road I take or keep taking would be the one
that is riddled with fewer regrets so that I would be able to live telling myself that this is the road that
is meant for me.