22 and Going on 33 BY Sairam Rajamani (PREVIEW)

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22 and Going on 33 A PLAY BY

Sairam Rajamani

PREVIEW

22 and Going on 33 BY Sairam Rajamani (PREVIEW) SCENE 1: INT. PLANE. MORNING. (SFX: Plane landing Sound) AIR HOSTESS: (V.O.) Ladies and Gentlemen. Thank you for flying Eastern Eagle

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Airlines. We will land at Bengaluru International airport in a short while. For those of you who are new to Bengaluru, here is a small introduction that will be of help to you. Bengaluru enjoys mild weather all year round. Usually the skies are partly cloudy and the roads are fully jammed. According to latest census, the city's population is six million which includes twenty five thousand Java programmers, ten thousand C/C++ programmers and at least a hundred thousand web developers. The current rates for the call center assistants and the software programmers are mentioned in dollars per hour in the city guide in the front seat pocket. The city guide also has information about the tourist attractions including Richmond flyover the one and only occurrence of a traffic signal on a flyover anywhere in the world. We hope you enjoy your stay in Bengaluru city.

22 and Going on 33 BY Sairam Rajamani (PREVIEW) SCENE 2 (NOT AVAILABLE IN PREVIEW)

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22 and Going on 33 BY Sairam Rajamani (PREVIEW) SCENE 3: INT. CONFERENCE ROOM. MORNING. RAMANI:

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Hi, I am Ramani. I don't know whether you know me. I am the principal technical architect of this group.

RAM: RAMANI: RAM: RAMANI: RAM:

Gegs. 9, 4 Pardon me? Scrambled eggs. Daily crossword. IIT kharagpur. I am.. I am sorry. Have we met before? Two years back. You interviewed me at kharagpur. I was at the corridor trying to stay calm, doing the crossword without much luck. You passed me by and told the answer for the clue I was struggling with.

RAMANI: RAM: RAMANI: RAM:

gegs, 9, 4 . I see. scrambled eggs. I faintly recall. Right then, I decided I will join your company. Are you so fond of scrambled eggs! And when they put me in your group after training, I was so happy!! But they alloted me to this maintenance project where all we do is testing. I have just wasted my two years in this company.

RAMANI: RAM: RAMANI:

So you put your papers? I have got an offer from a Indian firm in silicon valley. I don't want to scare you. But there are lots of fly by night body shoppers. They are just contractors to other firms. You may not get paid if you are not placed in other firms.

RAM:

It is a small product company. My uncle runs it.

22 and Going on 33 BY Sairam Rajamani (PREVIEW) RAMANI:

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Oh, Then it's good. At least you have the security. But just watch out for the pay. Silicon valley is very costly.

RAM:

I get fifty percent more than what I will get if I go through this company. They are giving me ESOP too.

RAMANI:

Well. You seem to have covered all the angles. Not much point in trying to talk you out of this then.

RAM: RAMANI: RAM: RAMANI: RAM:

I can call it off. I want to call it off. What? Why? Are you crazy? I will call it all off, if you take me in your group. You are crazy! No. I can get this job anytime. It is hard to find someone like you. I want to work under you.

RAMANI: RAM: RAMANI: RAM: RAMANI: RAM:

What are you talking about? What do you know about me? I have seen you in kharagpur. Scrambled eggs thing? You are staking your life on scrambled eggs? I have heard many people talking high of you in the last two years. Do you know this proverb? In the land of blind, one eyed man is the King. So you wont take me in your group then. I have not coded much as I was in a testing project. But I have learned a lot myself. I know C, C++, Java. I come to office in the weekends so that I can write programmes.

RAMANI:

Listen. First I don't take people. That's Hari's job. I am just responsible for the technical aspects of the projects in this group. Hari is the manager. He

22 and Going on 33 BY Sairam Rajamani (PREVIEW) does the resource planning, hiring and all that nonsense. RAM: RAMANI: He is ready to hire me if you let me work with you.

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I told you. I don't work with people! I work with problems. Whenever a project faces any technical problem, they consult me. They call it consulting, but they really try to palm off the problem to me. If it is trivial for me I give some sound bytes and escape. If it interests me, then I get involved and usually end up working on the whole problem myself.

RAM: RAMANI: RAM: RAMANI:

Hari said he can figure a way out if you just agree in principle. In principle, to what? In principle to let me work with you. I didn't sign up for this, Okay. I just thought I will ask you to stay and you will say no and I will report to Hari that you are an obstinate pig. Case closed.

RAM:

I had told Hari that I will stay if I get to work under you. That's why Hari asked me to talk to you.

RAMANI:

Hari! That bas.. ! Pardon me. You see what games people play here. And you still want to work here.

RAM: RAMANI: RAM: RAMANI:

As long as I work under you. Well, I don't want to. Are you quitting? Where are you going? I am not going anywhere. It's too late for that. Too late. But I am not ready to take somebody with me, train him. mentor him, mold him. Least of all,

22 and Going on 33 BY Sairam Rajamani (PREVIEW) you. RAM: RAMANI: What's wrong with me?

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You are 22. That's what is wrong with you. You believe that you can come in the weekends, learn stuff and then do something, become something in life. No. All you can become is a garbage bin where people dump the code they have vomited. Only difference is that this garbage bin has to clean the code and fix all the complex problems.

RAM:

I will leave now. I think I caught you at a wrong time. But please think it over.

RAMANI:

Just leave. Will you, please?

(Ram leaves the room closing the door behind. Ramani is sitting in the room crestfallen with his hand on the head. Hari , the manager, enters the room) HARI: RAMANI: How did the meeting go? Did he agree to stay back? How does it matter to you? He is just a two year old. You just pay lip service to nurturing fresh talent and stuff like that. HARI: RAMANI: Well, he got top grade in the recent evaluation and ... Oh! Two other top performers have already quit this quarter and if he also quits then you will come up for a review with HR. HARI: I was about to say that this company wants top performers like him. But what you said is a reason too. Have you managed to convince him? RAMANI: HARI: He always wanted to stay back and you knew it too. Didn't you? As a matter of fact, Yes.

22 and Going on 33 BY Sairam Rajamani (PREVIEW) RAMANI: HARI: RAMANI: HARI: RAMANI: HARI: And you chose not to tell me before. Would you have met him if you had known before? Did you expect something to happen if I meet him. There's always a hope. What were you hoping for? That you would take somebody under you, establish a technical

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competency group, incubate some products. Like what they are doing in other groups. RAMANI: In other groups! Do you know what they have done? Their first product is a product ideation website where people can propose product ideas and it will be reviewed, commented and voted upon. It is two years now and not a single product idea has been put in the website. So the team is just enhancing the website. HARI: You think you are better! Go ahead and prove it. Haven't you said before that the company should be doing products? What has changed? RAMANI: HARI: RAMANI: Ten years and a marriage. And few promotions. Maybe that too. But I have come to a realization that fancy ideas like products and patents don't work here. We know just one business. The sweat shop business. How many people, How many hours, How much per hour. HARI: The Three H of happiness!

22 and Going on 33 BY Sairam Rajamani (PREVIEW) RAMANI:

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See, You like it! A simple and straight forward business. Sell the time of individuals for a salary that no self respecting American would work. What is a pittance in U.S is a big money in India. So it works well for everybody. Why does the company want to leave this and get into products?

HARI:

Because this business model is breaking. It is linear. If we need ten thousand people to make a million dollar then to make ten million dollar we need....

RAMANI: HARI: RAMANI: HARI:

A lakh people. And we don't have one lakh smart people. Then hire dumb people. We are good at that. Listen, this is the mandate of the company. To establish competency groups and build products. Build products that we can sell at a much higher prices so that we can get more revenue with less people. As the chief technical architect of our group you need to anchor this activity. And don't tell me you are not interested in this. You have been pestering me to allocate people to do prototypes for products since long time back.

RAMANI:

Those were in the past and you had evaded all those requests. Let me make one thing clear. I have had few realizations. We are not cut out to do products and it was foolish of me to dream such things. These mandate and vision doesn't mean squat. All we can come up with is idea portals where people can submit and review ideas. But to implement them. We

22 and Going on 33 BY Sairam Rajamani (PREVIEW) need passion, perseverance and above all competence. HARI: RAMANI: And you have all of them.

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No. Not any more. Even if I do, rest of the company will just wait and watch for me to fail. I have made peace with this charade, But I can't reduce myself to be part of this.

HARI:

You are not hearing me. We need to implement these plans with or without you.

RAMANI:

Without me! It's better for you and it is better for me. (Ramani's mobile phone rings.)

RAMANI:

Hold on! I need to take this call. Give me a couple of minutes.

(Ramani's comes out of the room and answers the phone. Vijay is at the other end.) RAMANI: Hi Vijay! I am sorry I didn't pick up before. I was talking to the kid I told you about yesterday. He turned out to be a guy I interviewed. God! It was so long ago. But I still remember that interview. VIJAY: Is he that kid? The one you talk about usually. Something about cracking some Wimbledon puzzle. RAMANI: Yeah. I asked how many matches are needed to decide the champion in a hundred and twenty eight players tournament like Wimbledon? It's one hundred and twenty seven. You have to solve a geometric progression. VIJAY: RAMANI: Geometric progression. Yes I have heard of that. This guy answered instantaneously. Without a pen or paper. The way he solved was amazing. I still remember. The way he solved is..

22 and Going on 33 BY Sairam Rajamani (PREVIEW) VIJAY: RAMANI: I may not understand...

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Just listen. It's very simple. There is one loser in every match. And at the end of the tournament there are one hundred and twenty seven losers and one champion. So there has got to be..

VIJAY: RAMANI: VIJAY: RAMANI: VIJAY: RAMANI:

One hundred and twenty seven matches. Wow! Exactly! Is he going to stay back? I hope not. He will just rot here. Anyway, why did you call me? Well about my trip... Vijay, if you are having doubts again, commercial street is the place to buy the woolen. It might be costly but it is worth it. You don't want to be freezing in some flimsy material.

VIJAY: RAMANI: VIJAY:

It's not about that.. Is it about International Drivers permit then? Just stop it. Will you? This is way more serious than that. I tried saying it before but I couldn't.

RAMANI: VIJAY: RAMANI: VIJAY: RAMANI: VIJAY:

What is it? I am not going for three months. You are not going. Oh My God! I am so sorry.. No! No. I am not going for three months. I am going permanently! What? How did that happen? When did that happen? The client liked my work. Last week they asked me whether I would like

22 and Going on 33 BY Sairam Rajamani (PREVIEW) to work for them permanently. I said yes. RAMANI: VIJAY: But they can't hire you. It is in the contract. Poaching is illegal.

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It applies only for software engineers like you. Technical writers like us come cheap.

RAMANI:

Oh, I didn't know that. Wow! That's great. I am so happy for you. Why this secrecy? Why didn't you tell anyone before? Does Hari know?

VIJAY: RAMANI: VIJAY: RAMANI: VIJAY: RAMANI: VIJAY:

Actually, Yes. Hari knows. Of course. The client would have asked him first. No. Not just Hari. Everybody knows. You didn't tell just me? Why? I didn't want to hurt you, I mean, We are .. We are, what? We go to lunch together for ten years and you don't tell me. Exactly, you and I go out way back to school days. We have lunch together. We share a cubicle. I was worried..

RAMANI:

You were worried that I would not get another lunch mate, another cubicle mate!

VIJAY: RAMANI:

No. Not worried that way.. You are going to Australia. And you are worried about me! One piece of advice. Don't get caught alone in the dark of the night, Okay! Bye. (Ramani hangs the phone. He strikes the chair in Vijay's cubicle violently.)

RAMANI:

Son of a bitch. Worried about me. Worried about me! The nerve. The presumption!

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(He plops on the chair in his cubicle and buries his head in his hand. We hear him sobbing. A minute later, he gets up, composes himself and walks into Hari's room.) HARI: RAMANI: You know that I can't start a product group without you. All right! You want me to start a product group with that kid who doesn't even shave? I will do that. HARI: RAMANI: Really! Are you serious? It's nine in the night on a Friday. Don't you think I would have better things to do than joking to you. HARI: I didn't expect it to happen so easily. You need not take that kid if you don't want. You can take anybody you want. RAMANI: HARI: I will take him. He is at least bright. So it's settled. He will work with you. I am so glad. I will find a desk for him near you. RAMANI: HARI: He can take vijay's desk. That way, he will be right next to me. Vijay's desk. I thought you would take the whole cubicle once vijay moved. You are actually entitled to a cabin like me. RAMANI: Who wants a cabin? I am fine sharing my cubicle. I don't need that big a space. HARI: RAMANI: That's one less thing for me to worry about. About the products we should take up, I have an idea already. There is this company which has come up with one chip that has all the stuff like GSM, GPRS, WiFi, GPS at half the price. Its a rage! All the cell phone

22 and Going on 33 BY Sairam Rajamani (PREVIEW)

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manufacturers plan to put the chip within a year. So if we do a software around this chip... HARI: Oh, Just feel free to do what you want. I am sure you will do a great job. I trust you completely. RAMANI: More like you don't want to be bothered anymore now that you can report that you have started a product group. HARI: You know how it is! Besides, I don't understand anything technical anyway. RAMANI: But there is one thing you must grant me. I don't want this project to come under Quality department's purview. HARI: RAMANI: How is that possible? I mean, we are a CMM level 5 certified company. Listen, I am starting a thank less, dead end competency demonstration project. Just so that you can put in you power point that we have started a product innovation center and stuff like that. This is the least you can do for me. HARI: Well, If you put it that way, I will try my best.

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