Twentytwo years back I had a near death experience. My friend asked, "Do you wan t to go to agneepath?

" Back then my hindi vocabulary consisted of just three words - kintu, parantu and pitamah. I didn't know the meaning of the last word. But I knew that was the mo st used hindi word - that is after kintu and parantu. But I was sorely tempted. The alternative involved spending time with rigid bodies, point masses and Newto n's laws - all fictional entities. I had been preparing for IIT JEE for three mo nths, a time period long enough to finish physics syllabus twice if Newton had n ot been born. "Can't. I have to study non-stop. For like next two years!" I chose eternal hell to death. But funny thing in life is what goes around comes around. Last night my wife put a 'Made of right hand' gun to my head and said, 'Let's go to Agneepath.' 'What is agneepath?' My kid asked. 'It is a movie.' my wife said. 'good movie?' My kid wanted to know. 'Hrithik roshan is there.' 'Does fighting come?' 'Lots' my wife said. 'Take this.' My kid offered his gun to her. It had 'Made in Cina' printed on it. 'One of these days chinese are going to master English too and we will have no p lace to hide.' I observed. My kid picked four more guns from his toy collection that consisted of guns, car s, more guns and more cars. He gave one to my wife and one to me. I had five gun s pointed at my head. 'Let's go to agneepath.' My wife said and my kid repeated. I couldn't come up with any reason against it. My hindi has improved considerabl y after my four years of college in north India. I had even finished with distin ction the hindi courses mandatory in college - 'Male and female genital parts' a nd 'Improbable and Impossible mother-son and father-dauthter relationships'. And the alternative to going to movie was just candle light dinner, wine and nig ht of passion - all fictional entities. 'Why not? Let's pay hard earned money and get our senses assualted.' I said. 'I want pop corn too.' my kid said. Agneepath, if you don't know already, is a remake of the cult (a synonym for com mercial failure) movie of the same name by the same production company. I don't want to name the company. But in all their movies a tune that is laden with thic k syrupy sentimental shit comes at least once. The tune goes like laah la laaah la laalaah, laah la laaah la laalaah, lalalAAAAAAAAARGH! Usually the audience complete the tune with 'kuch kuch hota hai' while they are running to the nearest toilet. Before the movie starts, they put a slide saying this is an attempt at adapting the cult movie for the modern times. It is a good thing. Because instead of a si xty plus Amitabh bachchan in an attire that reminds eighties, we have Hrithik ro shan clad in the fashion labels that is making waves now. 'Doesn't Hrithik look like an Italian model?' My wife asks me. 'When have you seen an Italian model?' I ask. 'Why? Do you think you alone can watch ftv?' my wife asks. I make a mental note to vote in the next election for BJP or any other party tha t has banning ftv in their agenda.

'Look! everybody wears and talks like they are in a slum in mumbai. But for Hrit hik who comes in stitched to fit jeans.' I tell my wife. 'I will see even if he doesn't wear anything and doesn't talk a word.' She says. I am not good at understanding women, being married for just ten years . But I d efinitely think Hrithik to women is like Aishwarya to men. After a long time into the movie there is a pelvic thrust sequence also known as item number by Katrina kaif. People in the front row whistle and clapp. I look at those young blood and sigh. Nowadays pelvic thrusts just remind me of back ac he and spinal injury. Maybe I am getting old. I remember those wild days when it em numbers meant something totally different to me - simple harmonic motion. 'Wh at is the formula for calculating the time period of an oscillation', I try hard to think as the theater is immersed in the din of whistles and hoots. As they s ay, it is OK if you are a geek or old but if you are an old geek life is a lot l ike getting caught in arctic circle in peak winter during a snow storm. I know I have not said anything about the movie itself in this post. So here it is... The movie keeps you interested till the intermission. But once you get the pop c orn and pepsi, there is nothing much to look forward to. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------But Newton is prime example of those selfless souls called scientists. They don' t care for money or onsite chance. They are out to just achieve just one thing make life miserable for all those who want to get good things in life like mone y and onsie chance.