Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific

research, business and the academic world. Others believe it is not good. Discuss both
views and give your opinion.

It is a highly controversial issue nowadays that whether data and information related to science,
business and academic studies should be provided and shared to the public freely and without
restriction. In this essay, I am going This essay will to look into this problem from both Commented [MK1]: For a more academic approach in
perspectives. the essay, avoid using ‘I’.

To begin with, some people are convinced that information should be shared freely. There are two
primary reasons for it. The first one is that they are likely to create an environment which

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appeals to individuals globally by sharing information. By doing so, you may encourage others
to do the same thing. People who find out these types of information are likely to be thankful for

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it. When we are grateful for something, we might do the same thing ourselves. Consequently, if
everyone shares a bit data—whatever it is, no matter if it is precious or not,—a peaceful
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atmosphere is created. In addition to that, some regard sharing as a virtue. Although it does Commented [MK2]: This is not really a strong or
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sound old-fashioned and corny, it is definitely a convention which cannot be neglected. convincing supporting idea. Instead, you could have
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focused on the sharing of information creates a more

informative and more highly developed society.
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Nevertheless, others claim that such information should be kept strictly confidential and private.
Commented [MK3]: Words like this are perhaps not
It is too challenging for researchers to figure out certain information research conclusions
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really suited to an essay.

through sometimes expensive studies. And by sharing it , everybody can have full access to it
Commented [MK4]: Avoid beginning a sentence with
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easily. Given that, many will rely on shared information on the Internet instead of calculating
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data themselves when they have to come up with these things, either in projects or in exams. This
he

Commented [MK5]: This seems a bit vague.

is an extremely negative behaviour because it discourages them from considering problems
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independently. Another much more serious problem is illegal copying and duplication. Such
activities may be encouraged through the a leak or spread of such information. It is fairly easy
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for criminals to copy such things as they are accessible through the Internet. In other words, it
encourages delinquency. Commented [MK6]: This word is related more to poor
behaviour from the youth. You could instead use ‘criminal
behaviour’.
In conclusion, I personally believe that the disadvantages of it outweigh the benefits. Despite the
potential environment that is likely to be established, illegal activities are absolutely intolerable
so that sharing information should be banned.

Time: 26 minutes

Task Response: 6.0 – You sufficiently addressed all parts of the task with fairly satisfactory
supporting ideas overall. However, the supporting ideas in the first paragraph could have
been clearer and more direct and less vague or generalised though. I gave a suggestion in
the essay comments in the margin for an example of another important additional idea that
you could have pointed out.

Organisation: 7.0 – All aspects of cohesion were done well. You had clear paragraphs
containing a topic sentence followed by supporting ideas. Cohesive devices, such as signal
language, were well placed and utilised well.

Vocabulary: 7.0 - You displayed a very good range of precise academic vocabulary,
collocation (adj + noun) combinations and other phrases for the topic. Always be aware of
word choice and chose the best word for the context as you had some choice of words that
were not ideal.

Grammar: 7.0 (close to an 8.0) - You used a wide range of grammatical structures and well-

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formed complex sentences. With a slight reduction in the number of basic errors such as with
articles and word form / plural forms, you can easily score an 8.0 in this category.

TOTAL: 6.5
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You were very close to scoring a 7.0 and you have the potential to score a 7.5 with more
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practice and development.

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