How Do Relationship End?

- How do you think relationship End? Or why does it End?

It is many factors. There are a lot of things and factors that can end a relationship.
It could be anything in a world that people find unsatisfying in a relationship.
o But according to the book, the reason why most relationship ends, its because of
how Comparing their unsatisfying relationship with the support and affection they
imagine are available elsewhere. (So, parang you have this 90 percent relationship,
but you want a 100, sa sobrang gusto mo ng 100 percent, the minute you find this 10
percent missing piece, you look at it as a 100)
Do you believe this statement? Or do you think there’s a truth in this statement?
That many relationships ends because we tend to look for something satisfying
elsewhere, even if it small, that can fill the gap in our unsatisfying relationship?
Yess?? No??? It is indeed kind of hard to agree with this statement. Because it
really depends on the relationship. Was it really unsatisfying, or are they just being
a ungrateful one. But what about Divorce?
- Divorce (Marital Dissolution)
o Individualistic Culture
 According to many researchers or people ( medyo madami sila) Divorce happen
and rates are higher due to the rising Individualistic Culture.

Individualist Collectivist/Communal
o “What does my heart say?” o “What will other people say?”
(Love is a Feeling) (Love is an Obligation)
o For as long as we both shall o For life
love
o More passion o Commitment
  Marriage have become more challenging today due to people expecting more
fulfilment from marriage but invest fewer resources (Sa tagalog, tanggap ka
lang ng tanggap, wlaa namang binibigay. Like, puro ka self-fulfilment. Self-love
to the point that you have forgotten the fact that you are not the only one in the
relationship, better yet, the marriage. Have you guys encountered a person like
this?) And have you encountered a person who stayed in their relationship?)
o Persistence to stay in a Marriage
 So sino dito may kakilala na nag stestay sa long term relationship or kahit
marriage, although they are unsatisfied with it?
 Investment Model Theory (Rusbult, 1980, 1983)

 Enduring relationships are rooted in enduring love and satisfaction, but

also in fear of the termination cost, a sense of moral obligation, and
inattention to possible alternative partners
o Status, Stability and Similarity
 Risk of divorce also depends on who marries whom ((Fergusson et al., 1984;
Myers, 2000a; Tzeng, 1992). People usually stay married if they
 ∙ married after age 20,
 ∙ both grew up in stable, two-parent homes,
  ∙ dated for a long while before marriage,
 ∙ are well and similarly educated,
 ∙ enjoy a stable income from a good job,
 ∙ live in a small town or on a farm,
 ∙ did not cohabit or become pregnant before marriage,
 ∙ are religiously committed,
 ∙ are of similar age, faith, and education.
 None of this factors/ predictors, by itself, is essential to a stable marriage.
Meaning, kelangan you have the persistence rin. But if wala kayong similarity
dyan, then most likely than not, you guys will break-up.
 Let me share with you this statement, that says
 temporary intoxication of passionate love was a foolish basis for permanent
marital decisions. Better, they felt, to choose a mate based on stable friendship
and compatible backgrounds, interests, habits, and values (Stone, 1977).

The Detachment Process

- So, What is Detachment?

o Detachment can best be described as a process of letting go. It allows you to release
yourself from difficult situations and, sometimes, difficult people.
o So, have you experienced detachment? Or have you experienced letting go of
someone? For sure, naman lahat tayo ay naka experience na mag let go, and there
are a lot of reasons why. And at the same time, we also feel and experience a lot of
things at its expense.
- Severing bonds produces a predictable sequence of agitated preoccupation with the lost
partner, followed by deep sadness and, eventually, the beginnings of emotional
detachment, a letting go of the old while focusing on someone new, and a renewed
sense of self.
- In short, detaching yourself is hard Most especially, if its from a long-standing
relationship/attachment.
- Deep and long-standing attachments seldom break quickly; detaching is a process, not an
event.
- Hindi siya yung gigising ka nalang isang araw, tapos wala na, detached na.
- It is hard to the point that akala mo okay ka na, like you have detached yourself from the
past completely, then suddenly one day you see this person and then all of the type
emotions you could feel, all burst to one.
- Like for example, what happened to me. So, I broke up with my ex….
- Even people who have broken with their partners or have rejected someone experience
a detachment process.
o What is their detachment process??
 Guilt, their detachment process, revolves around guilt.
 people recall more pain over spurning someone’s love than over having been
spurned. Their distress arises from guilt over hurting someone, from upset over
the heartbroken lover’s persistence, or from uncertainty over how to respond.
- In Marriage, Detachment, isn’t really an attractive option. The Detachment process of
people who are in long term relationship and marriage is not just about detaching
themselves from the marriage, but more like, what thinking process they go through
which ultimately helps them decide if they will either detach or rebuild their
relationships.
o Because there are a lot of things and variables that they have to consider, katulad
nga nung sinabi ko kanina in Investment model. They encounter difficulty in ending a
marriage due to maybe, they have invested a lot In terms of material and immaterial
things, or maybe they have no alternatives left.
- So what do they tend to do pag ka nakaka encounter sila ng rough bump sa relationship?
Or when they are at a crossroads?
- Well according rusbult, there are two types of responses in Relationship Distress
 - Responses to Relationship Distress

- So what is the significance of this table? You might ask?? Well other than the fact that it shows
the detachment process of married couples in a marriage, this also shows their detachment
process from conflict or the problem. It shows that, happy couples and long-standing marriage
are not necessarily devoid of conflict, rather the people that possess such marriage has the
capability to reconcile, and overbalance criticism with affection.

So let us answer the question earlier with all the information that we have learned

- How Do Relationship End?

o Relation ends when couple are incapable of the following
 agree, approve, assent, and laugh (Karney & Bradbury, 1995; Noller & Fitzpatrick,
1990).
 Incapable of having positive interactions (smiling. Touching, complimenting, laughing)
 Communicating
 Fighting Fairly/Rationally
 Evolve/Grow
- And let me leave you with this wonderful statement of Robert Sternberg (1988)
o “Living happily ever after” need not be a myth, but if it is to be a reality, the happiness must
be based upon different configurations of mutual feelings at various times in a relationship.
Couples who expect their passion to last forever, or their intimacy to remain unchallenged,
are in for disappointment. . . . We must constantly work at understanding, building, and
rebuilding our loving relationships. Relationships are constructions, and they decay over time
if they are not maintained and improved. We cannot expect a relationship simply to take
care of itself, any more than we can expect that of a building. Rather, we must take
responsibility for making our relationships the best they can be.