YOU! ME! GAS STATION! what are we gettin for dinner!? sushi of corse.

UH
OH! There was a roofy inside of our gas station sushi, we black out and wake
up in a sewer, we’re surrounded by FISH-HORNY FISH, you know what that
means, FISH OORGIE! The stench draws in a bear, what do we do? We’re
gunna fight it, bare handed, bear..NAKED?! OH YES PLEASE, we befriend the
bear after we beat it in a brawl, then we ride it into a Chucky Cheese, DANCE
DANCE Revolution, revolution?! Over throw the Government!? UHH I THINK
SOo, next thing you know im reincarnated as Jesus Christ, then I turn into a
Jet, FLY into the sun, black out again, WAKE UP, do a bump WHITE OUT!
(Which I didnt know you could do) then I smoked a joint, GREENED OUT,
THEN I TURNED INTO THE SUN, UEGH OH looks like The meth is kickin in..
DEUHBLUHHSBDUHHSBUHSBUHEUGHHUHAAAAHUEAAHAAAAAAA!!!!

I don't understand how women can walk around with thongs or throngs or
whatever they're called and not get poopy swamp ass?
Within about 45 minutes of me putting on underwear or walking around I
can get sweaty butt and I usually have poop excrement coming out my
butthole, not like shitting my pants but just walking around sweating like
normal and a little brown saucey residue comes out my butthole. Just about
every single pair of my underwear have skid marks when I take them off. I
try to remedy this by wiping my ass often even when I don't poop but I
honest to god don't understand how women can walk around in thongs all
day and not have poopy brown stained thongs.
Granted I am 5'7 250 lbs

So i was in the bathroom and usually i get my phone out and start playing Royal Match to keep
me from being bored. Well my phone was on the charger in the living room, and i got really
bored. I looked around my bathroom, as the poo was still making its way out of my rectum,
and found nothing to do to pass the time. Then i started thinking about my dick. Is it small?
Could i make it into my own butt? Then my mind started to wander.
I let the last few drops of fecal matter out of my ass, and then wiped. I was so curious to see if
my own penis would fit inside of my own ass. Would it feel good? Would it hurt? Well there was
only one way to find out. I wiped one last time to make sure there was no poo left and then i
went for it... i was soft so i had to get hard obviously, and once all 9 inches was hard, i stuck it
in. At first it burned really bad, and then it got better and felt more tolerable. I learned that this
is probably not my thing so i was like, "Ouchie, alright I'm done, I'm not gay anyway." And tried
pulling my dick out.
After over 10 minutes of pulling, i found out my dick was stuck. I had pushed it as far in my ass
as i could, and i could not get it out no matter how hard i tried. So now, as I'm typing this, my
dick is in my ass, and I'm sweating bullets. I don't know what to do, I WANT TO CALL 911 BUT
THEY'LL LAUGH AT ME. I DON'T WANT PARAMEDICS TO SEE MY DICK-ASS! Please someone
help. If you've had this problem before please PLEASE tell me how i can get this out of me. Im
begging.