today you are you that is truer than

true there's no one alive who is your

than you dr. Seuss you may be thinking

oh no

here comes yet another talk an ADHD

maybe but have you noticed that most of

what's out there is on kids and that the

older we get these talks gradually sort

of drop off with next to nothing on

midlife women most of these talks are

also about the intentional component

about ADHD there's been a little

discussion about the shame that

underlies ADHD or of the power of these

messages are being flawed and defective

in fact this has been a main theme that

ADHD is a burden on other people

implying that we need fixing there's

been very little conversation about how

the impulsivity component of ADHD

destroys relationships and lives while

at the same time brings enhanced

creativity and innovation to the world

what has not been addressed at all is

what a double-edged sword impulsivity

truly is on the one side we've got

roughly 25 to 45 percent of incarcerated

men meeting the mark for ADHD which is

about 14% for incarcerated women well on

the other side we've got the genius

minds of Robin Williams Whoopi Goldberg

Walt Disney and Leonardo da Vinci to

shiny edges of the same impulsivity

sword

remember also as I'm a season 54 that I

grew up in the 70s and early 80s a time

when not much was known about ADHD and

if so you had to be that classic Dennis

the Menace a rambunctious little boy if

you were a little girl with these

symptoms you were just a troublemaker a

daydreamer and a hyper pain-in-the-ass

when I was a child and excited and

talking really really fast I often heard

down boy down from my dad in high school

my dad told me that I was probably a

little more cut out for a career at

McDonald's as a french fry girl rather

than going off to college as he said he

rarely saw me reading not understanding

that I couldn't get through a single

page without my mind's wandering out the

door and around the block the shameful

message was clear something must be

wrong with me I did make it to college

and when studying for an exam I have to

plug my ears then right and plugged and

right as the sniffler x' and penn

tappers drove me crazy my high school

and college transcripts resembled a

lasagna noodle as I excelled when

interested and not so much when I was

bored this is how the ADHD mind works as

we do what captivates us in the moment

so as we're discussing ADHD and seasoned

adults I decided to involve my husband's

input as he's been on the frontlines

with this thing for about 30 years now

and right away he chimed in with well

I'd say your biggest challenge has been

with impulsivity and I think you should

begin by defining this as it's been a

source of big stress for us and one of

the main things that attracts me to you

so we looked this up and basically the

blended definition said that impulsivity

is action without judgment or will its

synonym spontaneity is action without

prompting and naturalness right there is

the double-edged sword so once again my

husband and I met in college so he's

been around this for a while and try and

been right again with remember when we

were engaged to be married in just two

weeks and I woke up to a note on the

table that said going to Ireland back in

a few days

my my soon-to-be husband zoomed to the

airport where he found me sitting at

Boston's Aer Lingus terminal with a

borrowed backpack in 85 bucks in my

pocket

the plane was minutes from boarding when

I looked up at his face which was kind

of a mix of really pissed off and crazy

love it this woman who kept him so on

his toes and in fact he's like this even

now as he never really knows what I'm up

to and often he calls me Lucy as an I

Love Lucy so this is where we cross over

to the dark side of impulsivity but

first I'd like to sort of explain how

the ADHD mind works very briefly

specifically with impulsivity and I'll

start by renaming this as ADHD is a

ridiculous missing horror the most

accurate label for this fast mind is a

sh g or attention surplus high-energy

gift so the attention part is obvious

and the most misunderstood as there is

absolutely no deficit instead we are

inundated with a surplus of information

daily and with a significantly

diminished ability to filter through any

of it this has us living in a constant

state of over stimulation and thought

chaos also holy 54 I'm quite certain

that I'd rather be described as high

energy than hyperactive and disorders a

shame word so I think we'll do the whole

world a favor hit the delete button on

that instead we'll go with gift is

here's the thing those of us with

something extra to deal with every day

typically shine in a way that's

different from the neurotypical

population for ADHD r--'s this is our

enhanced ability for divergent thinking

meaning that we are capable of insane

creativity and in the nation here's why

our minds are lightning fast and wired

to wander so we don't get stuck in the

shoulds and ought to sip a look like or

function

this is why many of us become writers

filmmakers inventors and entrepreneurs

and I have a rather large dose of all

three components of ADHD the one by far

the sort of affected my life the most is

impulsivity and this is specifically due

to the part of my executive functioning

system that has the job of kind of

sending out a scout when I'm about to

make a quick decision to kind of peruse

around the corner of that decision for

any potential consequences for the ADHD

R this scout is very much asleep at the

wheel as in a nyquil sleep okay and it's

it's this diminished ability to see

around the corners of decisions that's

been like a tsunami whipping through my

life at times bringing with it those fun

and exciting life experiences that only

spontaneity can offer and the rest of

the time it's been a weapon of mass

destruction so are the many ways

impulsivity is impacted my life along

the way as an adult by far the biggest

challenge has been with deep breath

money the management of and impulse

spending this all began at the tail end

of college when pre-approved credit card

offers just began showing up long before

a job was in sight a quick check of a

box in a car was there in a week without

any education on credit or what not to

do for someone within a compromised

executive functioning system this was

disastrous my credit was ruined right

out of the gate and like a snowball

rolling downhill picked up weight and

speed

I couldn't keep track of checks then and

I still can't now which is why it's all

done electronically now not a choice

back then never mind the rest of it

balancing budgeting saving the bounce

checks fees were just expensive and

often multiplied adding tremendous

stress to a hard-working young couple so

adding to the management I should say

mismanagement piece was my impulse

spending

and I most also must clarify here that

though similar this is not exactly the

same as shopping addiction those who

struggle with shopping addiction

typically seek out purchasing in a way

that often takes on a life of its own

also with addiction any addiction

there's a component of seeking to

elevate one's mood and though we

certainly get a fix to with ADHD this is

way more of an in the moment thing when

a shiny object is directly in front of

us in other words no shiny object no

purchase I didn't seek out purchasing on

my own and I'm actually thinking of a

time when we were newly married and

without kids just yet

the phone rang it was a timeshare

vacation company Highland I listened to

their sexy pitch of palm trees and white

sand beaches and fell quickly hook line

and sinker when I tried to explain to

the salesperson that we don't have any

extra money she said this was fine as we

accept post-dated checks and these can

be broken into smaller amounts and over

an extended period of time

perfect when my newlywed husband rolled

in from work I couldn't wait to share

this exciting news of how we could now

go on vacation each year and for

practically free he asked me how I paid

for this so I explained except

post-dated checks and I've already

mailed these I watched his face sink as

he processed this mess I had just

created the look of disappointment in

his eyes was excruciating in the feeling

of shame so intense that I felt sick if

only I hadn't answered the phone so

later on mindful spending usually

happened when I went away with my women

friends and I just get so wrapped up in

this exciting momentum I'd see cute

clothes for the kids or whatever and

whether they

needed it or not and as my scout was

asleep at the wheel there was no way to

see around the corners of these impulse

buys

there was no shutoff switch when the

shiny objects surrounded me then later

on when I pull in the driveway a wave of

intense shame rolled over like warm

water I'd realized what I'd done

I often kept my purchases in the trunk

until the next morning when my husband

went off to work

then when he was safely out of sight I'd

move it all into a closet hidden and no

longer a reminder of the breach of trust

or of how defective I was this dark

impulsivity dominated the earlier part

of our marriage and though it's all been

under control for quite a while now I

must tell you that there's not much

worse than knowing you've you know

disappointed and hurt the person you

love most in the world and I felt so how

to control back then and as if something

was inherently wrong with me I

questioned my college degrees its how

could someone seemingly smart enough be

so stupid even worse I questioned my

character and self-worth is why couldn't

I just get a grip when I allow myself to

think of what how things could have been

I'd sink into such a shame spiral that I

thought I'd never climb out the feedback

loop of toxic internal dialog sounded

something like this if only we had the

money from those purchases of the 1990s

and early 2000s we'd have had far less

stress then and more money for our kids

college now if only I got in the

treatment I needed back then things

could have been so much different I

didn't take my ADHD seriously and this

is my fault and when I dip into one of

these shamed spirals my husband most

often replied with something incredibly

loving

like please don't do this to yourself

it's all fine now and that's all that

matters and besides everybody's got

something right see it's not the ADHD

that kills us it's the underlying shame

and shame doesn't stand a chance against

genuine love and compassion so here's

our very natural segue back to the

bright and colorful side of impulsivity

here goes so how do we channel this

impulsivity to make that transformation

from reckless or disordered ADHD to

authentic ADHD ADHD the gift it all

comes back to awareness and surrounding

ourselves with really good people first

people need to get it that ADHD is

genetic and brain based and therefore no

more our fault than having brown eyes

that said we still need to take

accountability of course as ADHD is an

explanation and not an excuse we ADHD

years need external support to manage

the challenges of our executive

functioning systems even as seasoned

adults also people need to get it that

we live in a constant state of over

stimulation and thought chaos and that

this can work really well with the

creative process in fact ADHD expert dr.

ed Halliwell says this what is

creativity but impulsive 'ti going right

so when that new and exciting thought

goes flying across the ADHD mine

there is no loud voice of judgment

commanding us to tuck it away for more

appropriate time

no we grab it and devour it and then on

the wings of impulse creativity zooms in

with that new book or movie idea in fact

I've written three books on the wings of

impulse and all three wrote themselves

like water from a faucet impulsivity

gone

impulsivity can also be a direct route

to finding our truest passion and this

is because we eight h.d years can't not

embrace those ideas that suck us in and

we're risk takers

once again this is why so many of us end

up doing really cool and fun things such

as writing acting and inventing new

products and companies for me this

passion is teaching college students is

it's fast furious and so much fun

bringing with it a constant influx of

young adult ideas and enthusiasm I'm

also so incredibly grateful to have

landed myself in such a positive work

environment one that is also ADHD

friendly I have a Dean who not only

understands me but who frequently gives

me projects intended to embrace my gifts

of creativity and innovation knowing

that I'll run with what captivates me

the most recent was designing the

positive psychology program for the

college not only this but my impulse

driven quarks are not only accepted at

this point but expected for example

there's a time during my cognitive

psychology class when we go over the

famous invisible gorilla experiment

ironically about selective attention and

I drive the point home by coming to

class dressed as a gorilla full

head-to-toe gorilla and as I'm walking

across campus I'm often recognized by my

former students and it looks like this

hey professor hey professor say in a few

yeah it's a riot then is I you know me

and Ron to the office not only do my

colleagues not jump at the sight of a

gorilla in the room I'm often met with

that time in the semester already huh

it's it's hysterical and it's wonderful

as I'm surrounded by really really good

people where I teach

who accept me as is and that has made

all the difference

so in winding up I'd like to just

re-emphasize the power that impulsivity

has to make or break us that

double-edged sword that on the one side

destroys lies by action without judgment

and on the other brings enhanced

creativity and innovation to the world

and it's not ADHD that's the problem

it's the underlying shame what's amazing

is that once shame is out of the way

doors open wide for authentic ADHD to

move right in and authenticity doesn't

need fixing thank you

[Applause]