A QUIET PLACE II

I was not a big fan of A Quiet Place. I had major issues with that movie. A Quiet Place 2?
Well, what can I say. It keeps everything that was bad about the first movie, and then
some. Let’s start off with the plot. “Oh monsters attacked my farm! Time to leave my
home with my newborn baby and orphaned kids, leaving the safety of my home and all
the defenses we built up over the last 400+ days and all the food we grew ourselves and
stockpiled.” I mean what? Traumatized because your hubby died in this shithole? It’s not
like the house was now unlivable. But somehow it was a smart idea to go out into
uncharted territory with a newborn infant because, you know, A Quiet Place thrives on
Plot-Induced Stupidity and this movie isn’t going anywhere if Emily Blunt doesn’t do the
stupidest possible thing and leave their farm.

This is really one of the biggest problems with this franchise. AQP was a movie that was
1,000% completely dependent on plot-induced stupidity to keep the movie going.
Stupidity and horror movies go hand-in-hand and it’s refreshing when you find a horror
movie that doesn’t rely on stupidity to keep the plot moving. John Carpenter’s The
Thing. Event Horizon. Tremors. Ready or Not. Horror movies where the people in them
weren’t blathering idiots. A Quiet Place sadly wasn’t one of these movies, and AQP2 is
even guiltier of this sin than its predecessor. This absolutely brain-dead decision of Emily
Blunt’s to leave the farm leads her and her family to all manner of misfortune. But what
can I say? If they just stayed at home where it’s nice and safe the movie wouldn’t have
gone anywhere and would have ended after that totally unnecessary but fun flashback
intro. After this first initial misstep it’s just PIS after PIS to keep the plot going, it’s like
Emily Blunt and her dumbass kids just keeps digging a hole of stupidity deeper and
deeper around themselves. They have to, otherwise the movie ends in 10 minutes.

Why hasn’t anyone realized that you can use a sound-producing object as a decoy to
lure the creatures away while you sneakily slink away to safety? Maybe if she weren’t
such an idiot she’d have realized that the creatures would have walked to the noisy trap
bottle she sprung so they didn’t have to run like headless chickens, which makes more
noise and got her son’s leg near-chopped off. Why is deaf girl so dumb she has to sneak
out and leave her mom behind to do I don’t even know what she’s trying to accomplish.
And why is Emily Blunt leaving off by herself to find painkillers? Don’t these morons play
and Dragons? Didn’t anyone ever tell them DON’T SPLIT THE PARTY. And my absolute
favorite, after everyone’s all split up and I thought you couldn’t split the party any
further, the dumbass injured kid then leaves the baby behind and splits up again to go
exploring for shits and giggles! I mean at this point I don’t even care anymore.

This movie is just rife with PIS, and indeed relies on stupidity to keep the movie going,
just like every two-bit horror movie out there. After this point I was just rolling my eyes
wondering if stupidity grows on trees in Krasinski’s hometown. And if it’s not Stupidity,
it’s Brad Pitt-level WWZ Providence. Anywhere the Abbott Family goes, death follows,
that’s how it is. One thing I love about AQP2: It loves to prove how stupid AQP1 was.
The thing I probably hate the most about A Quiet Place is how it feels like a Krasinski
Self-Insert Power Fantasy. I can’t help but feel like it’s his macho Gary Stu wish fulfillment
story. How he has a perfect loving family that does unique things that give them an
advantage over every other family (sign language). The fact that he wasted 10 minutes of
the runtime in the sequel just as an excuse to write himself into the movie for no real
reason is evidence that he still wants to Gary Stu himself into it. But I love how he undos
all that in AQP2 by showing how they were all pointless practices. I don’t know if he’s
doing it on purpose or if he just brainfarts all over the place when he wrote the script for
AQP2. It could be the former but then again his hometown grows stupidity on trees, so it
could easily be the latter. Look guys! Emmett don’t have to keep quiet 24/7 because he
lives underground, unlike you schmucks who were playing charades your entire life on
your stupid farm (and still got your father killed anyway!) And hey, Emmett don’t have
problems walking around in boots! You were all going hobbit-style growing thick ugly
calluses on your feet for absolutely no reason! And look! We can talk! When the
creatures are right on top of us! We can even enunciate! Why the heck were we all acting
like deaf-mutes in the first movie when it was perfectly fine to talk after all?

The internal consistency in this series has always been bad. Why in the first movie the
creatures instantaneously killed the younger son with the noisy toy, but here it takes
minutes for them to show up when they spring a noise trap and have the eldest son
squealing like a gutted pig? Speaking of gutted pigs, let’s talk about the acting. The kid
in this movie did a bad job. This wasn’t a big problem in the first movie since he was a bit
role in it. But his role in the second movie needed more acting chops and he didn’t
deliver. After his initial over-acted whimpers of pain, he never acts like he’s in pain
throughout the rest of the movie. Not even a grimace of pain. I mean he just got his foot
caught in a bear trap. I don’t care how many meds he took that had to hurt like a bitch
and if he was walking around so much like he did when he split the party he would at
least be grimacing in pain. But I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe this was a
miss by the director. Actors only do what they’re told, after all.

One of the biggest problems with this movie, is that it just tries too hard to be a soap
opera snob fest. Every time Emily Blunt is on screen literally she is always crying. I have
trouble remembering a scene where she wasn’t crying. We get it girl you’re sad. Please
stop crying on demand for the camera it gets old after an hour of it nonstop. And wow,
just wow. So the monster’s weakness is water! They can’t swim! Hilarious that the army
knew about this Day 1, but still couldn’t do something super simple that a 5-year old
with a brain could think of: Create a noise lure to run the creatures off a cliff into the
sea. Attach a speaker set to a remote controlled car or better a flying drone, run around
getting the creatures to chase you, and fly it over a cliff by the sea and have the bunch of
idiot lemming beasts tumbling down to their deaths! Oh wow, genius, didn’t take me 5
seconds to think of that, but apparently nobody in the army could figure out such a
simple solution. I guess that’s because nobody in this movie watched Tremors. I did, so
I’m smarter than everyone in this film by default. Speaking of geniuses, you have this
guy. Wondering why nobody “in a long time” has figured out how to get to your island
resort ever since you first got there? Well duh maybe if you stopped playing games with
life and death matters and broadcast an actual message, “Come to the island off the
coast at coordinates XY” instead of a stupid sea song shanty, maybe you’d have more
people come. Seriously what? You’re afraid the aliens will figure out your code and come
to the island to invade you? LOL. If nobody is coming and you think the world has given
up hope because nobody can get to your wonderful island paradise, how about you stop
with the games and riddles and just state your intentions plainly? Might have saved
Emmet’s wife if you had just broadcast, “Help is here on the island! We are safe here
make your way here survivors!”

In the end, AQP2 was really just more of the same of AQP1. The plot structure is almost
completely the same. The plot contrivances and stupidities are completely the same. And
they both end with Super Girl sticking her all-powerful ear piece into a microphone.