Ros was only 16, torn apart from love, hiding her feelings constantly always acting happy

when
she wanted to cry out for someone. Ros was always putting up the act as a bubbly sort of
person, it was amusing and ironic that her school made kids wear masks. Hers was the dark
purple smile drawn on it by sharpie. She knew some sharpies were toxic and she liked it that
way but she only went with a low one. Ros was in love with one of her best friends. It hurt even
more than Ros and that friend would continue to be platonically married, already creating fake
relationships. That friend was always saying that they would move in together when they get
older so Ros wouldn't have to be alone and so that her friend would be able to keep Ros alive
every day, it pained her to think that was the only reason she was going to be living with her
best friend/lover. Rosi sought out new ways to commit, writing them down in a notebook. She
kept a mood tracker although she lied on it when she had dark days, not letting people get
worried. Ros hated when people were worried about her. That's when she started to how up to
school, with a different wound on her body every day. One day, a few months back, Ros had
come to school with over 20 bruises covering her legs. She couldn't walk properly without
twisting it and causing an old sprain wound to come up again complicating things. That was the
day, she has to verbally ask for help. Ros hated the way that she watched people love her then
abandon her.
All of the platonic “I love you” and the fake kisses bothered Ros. She wished that it was real
That instead of it being platonic that everything was real. Ros wrote down her feelings. She
despised her secret lover’s relationship. Slowly going into a downfall of thoughts, constantly
getting pitted against. Ros honestly wished that she could drown her feelings. She wished that
she had the fictional disease “hanakhai” where you lose feelings after taking surgery. You
constantly cough up flowers until the other proclaim their feelings or you die or get the surgery.
Ros constantly wrote about herself having this ‘disease’, wishing it was true so that she wouldn’t
be in pain and just have these feelings leave her.
It had gotten worse as the days went on, she struggled badly. She was planning….every single
detail hoping that this time it would work. Each day Ros got closer, she had ripped off the pages
of her calendar. Ros was planning on staying at the house instead of going to school but she
didn't want her friends to get worried. Ros loved them so badly, but she also didn't want to hurt
anymore. The muscle in her shoulder started to build up and it hurt to move any part of her arm,
it physically hurt her and mentally broke her.