A note from the author

Reading has the power to motivate a learner to go further. Understanding a joke,

getting used to a writer's style or just enjoying a good story can be hugely
rewarding experiences in a second language.

A good graded reader should be fun. Once reading becomes enjoyable, it no longer
feels like study. It becomes much easier to pick up that book each night and
develop a habit of learning.

I'm a big fan of graded readers in my own language learning. I find reading to be
helpful in many ways. It can certainly help introduce a new language – vocabulary
and grammar structures. More importantly, it supports the rest of our language
learning too. By reading words and phrases we've seen or heard before, we
strengthen our memory of that language. By seeing words and phrases used in
different ways and in different situations, we strengthen our understanding of that
language. Also, without really trying, we slowly develop our understanding of the
grammar behind a language and the common ways it is used to describe meaning and
emotion. In other words, we develop our feeling for the language.

I created this graded reader for my students at thelanguageprofessional.com – a

website where English learners can develop English skills for work. I hoped to
create a fun, enjoyable story that supports the learning of English, particularly
for the workplace.

However, I hope you'll find it to be a fun read whether you're interested in

English for work or learning English more generally.

It's time - let's bring the dead to life.

Hugh

CHAPTER ONE

A meeting with the boss

"Brian, could I have a quick word in private?" said Peter.

Such an innocent question. But everyone knows that it really means you've done
something terribly wrong and you're about to get into trouble.

"Sure, of course," said Brian as confidently as he could.

Brian had never been called into his manager's office before and was trying hard to
seem like he wasn't nervous. Some of his workmates had been asked to go in before
so he knew what to expect. The result was always the same. People walked into his
office smiling. They came out frowning.

"Just this way," Peter said, pointing past the receptionist desk and towards his
office door.

Rachel, the receptionist, gave Brian a weak smile. Her large eyes followed the pair
as they walked into the room.

As he walked into the office, head down, Brian saw a lot of legs. Two from his
boss, four from the desk, eight from the chairs and one from a lamp in the corner
of the room.

'That's seventeen legs in total, if I add my own', Brian calculated.

"Please, take a seat", said Brian's manager, pointing to four of the seventeen.
"So, how's everything going with you these days, Brian?"

"Pretty good thanks," said Brain, lowering himself into the chair. "I've had a busy
morning speaking with clients."

"I see," said Brian's manager, nodding and adjusting the glasses on his nose. "It's
good to keep busy."

He continued, "Brian, I wanted to speak to you about your motivation for the job".

"My motivation?", Brian asked.

"Yes, your motivation," Brian's manager replied. "I mean, I've noticed a few things
that make me question whether you really want to be working here at all."

"Oh," said Brian.

"Firstly, there's the way you dress. Now, I know you speak to most clients over the
phone, but when people do come to the office, what impression do you think they get
of you and our company when they see your shirt is hanging out and not ironed?"

"Right", said Brian.

"Secondly, there's the way you carry yourself around the office," Brian's manager
continued.

"The way I carry myself?", Brian asked.

"Yes. Just take a look out there," Brian's manager pointed through the glass door
of his office. "Can you see Beatrice out there? Look at how she's walking. Head up,
confident and smiling. She looks like she wants to be here. She looks energetic.
She looks hungry for success."

Brian looked over his shoulder and saw Beatrice walking powerfully across the
office. 'He's right, she does look confident', he thought.

"In comparison, look at the way you walk," Peter continued. "You walk really
slowly. Your shoulders and neck bend forward. Your arms hang out in front of you.
You don't look like you care about anything."

'I'm a zombie', Brian thought. 'It's just how we look.'

Brian thought for a moment, then took a deep breath before replying.

"I guess I haven't really thought about all this before. This first month at the
company, I've just been trying so hard to understand the job. I feel like I've been
learning new things every day and I never stopped to consider those things. But I
understand what you're saying. The way we look and behave is important. It affects
how people think and feel about us. Honestly, I can tell you that I do care about
this job and I'm working really hard to do the best job I can. Even if it doesn't
look that way."

"That's great, Brian. So, what do you think you can do to improve in this area?"

"Well, I'll start by ironing my shirt and tucking it in", Brian answered. "And I'm
going to make an effort to improve the way I carry myself around the office. Thanks
for making me aware of this. It's something I do need to improve and I'm going to
work at this right away."

"Great", said Brian's manager. "Let's speak again in a couple of weeks and see how
you're getting on."

Brian walked out of the office with his head up. He passed by the receptionist
desk, where Rachel sat smiling warmly at him.

'Now, that wasn't so bad', Brian thought to himself.

CHAPTER TWO

A day in the life of a (working) zombie

Brian woke up at seven. He was in a great mood.

He got up, washed his face, brushed his teeth and got dressed. Next, he started to
do his make-up. Normally, he hated this task. But today, he whistled happily as he
began to remove all signs of being undead.

One of the challenges of succeeding as an undead professional is the fact that

because you have no blood running through your body, your skin looks deathly pale.
Also, skin of the undead doesn't grow like living skin. It peels off easily if you
don't take good care of it.

Brian's make-up routine is the same every day. He starts by using moisturising
cream to help make his face less dry. Zombie skin is easily sunburned, so Brian
uses a moisturiser that includes sun cream. He then puts foundation (one kind of
make-up) all over his face, ears and neck to make them look smooth. After that, he
uses concealer (a second kind of make-up) to help hide the dark spots and circles
around the face and eyes that are common signs of being a zombie. Finally, he uses
lipstick (a third kind of make-up) to add a light red to his colourless lips.

With his make-up complete, Brian moved to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and
looked across the rows of plastic boxes that were labelled either 'pig', 'sheep',
'chicken' or 'duck'. He grabbed one of the boxes labelled 'sheep' and a carton of
milk and took them over to the kitchen counter. He put some sheep brains into a
bowl and poured milk over the top, before eating with a spoon.

A zombie's diet is very simple. Brains. While Brian chooses to eat his breakfast
with milk on top, the milk has no nutritional value for him. It's purely a
lifestyle choice.

Brian's wide range of brains is unusual for a zombie. He used to work on a farm
outside town in exchange for food. The family who owned the farm knew Brian was a
zombie and weren't afraid of him. In many ways, it was an excellent job. He had
plenty of food, he got a lot of exercise and he didn't need to change his
appearance (but that's another story). Today, Brian still visits the family each
weekend. Every time he visits, he buys a supply of brains to take home and keep in
the fridge.

While a zombie can eat brains hot or cold, they absolutely must be eaten fresh.
Many zombies have lost their lives (again) by eating rotten brains, which lose
their freshness within twenty-four hours. Brian found that by refrigerating the
brains, he could eat them safely up to a week later.

After breakfast, Brian packed a lunch box of duck brains in his bag and left his
apartment at around a quarter past eight. He caught the 395 bus and arrived at work
half an hour later.

"Good morning Brian", sang the receptionist as Brian walked in.

Rachel gave great smiles. She didn't just smile from the mouth. Her smiles seemed
to involve her lips, her cheeks and her large blue eyes. Her arms and hands often
joined in too. She gave full-body smiles.

"Morning Rachel", replied Brian, returning the smile.

He walked over to the staff kitchen and put his duck container in the fridge. Brian
was always careful with his lunch as he didn't want other staff to find out he was
eating brains. He used plastic lunch containers that people couldn't see through
and always labelled them with his name.

Brian's day went quickly and by five o' clock he was still in a good mood.

He caught the 395 bus and went back home. For dinner, he felt in the mood for pig
and warmed some up in the microwave. He then sat down in front of the TV and
watched a few episodes of his favourite zombie series.

There were a lot of zombie films and TV series to choose from and Brian was a big
fan of all of them. They were very unrealistic, of course, and always used living
actors who pretended to be zombies. But, despite this, Brian was fascinated by
them.

At around eleven, Brian got changed, brushed his teeth, removed his make up and
went to bed.

CHAPTER THREE

Working as a headhunter (recruiter)

Most of the staff had lunch at around noon, but Brian preferred to eat later,
around two o' clock. He was afraid of people asking questions about his choice of
food so preferred to eat when there were fewer people around.

Brian entered the staff eating area at his usual time, collected his lunch box from
the fridge and put it in the microwave. Sheep brains today.

"Oh, hey there, how's it going?" said a friendly voice from over his shoulder.

Brian turned around to see someone he thought he recognised.

"Hey, good thanks. Erm, Steve, is it?" Brian replied.

"That's right, good memory!" said Steve. "Sorry, what was your name again?"

"It's Brian."

Brian was pretty good with names.

Brian worked at the head office of a multi-national supermarket - in the Human

Resources department. More specifically, he worked in Recruitment. With over two
thousand workers across the head office's different departments, there was always a
need to hire new staff and that's where Brian came in. His job involved
interviewing people who applied for jobs at the company.

He remembered meeting Steve two weeks ago when he came for an interview for a job
in the Property department. It wasn't Brian who interviewed him, but Brian's
supervisor, Cindy.

"So, how are you settling in to the new job?" asked Brian.

"It's been a busy couple of weeks. You know how it is. I'm still trying to get used
to how things get done around here and there's just so much to remember. Sometimes,
I'm so busy I don't even have lunch."

"That's terrible. You should definitely try to make time for lunch," said Brian.

"Yeah," Steve replied. "So, you're in Recruitment, right?"

"That's right. I help hire new staff."

"So, how's life as a headhunter?" asked Steve.

'Ouch.' Brain hated when people called him a headhunter.

Yes, the word 'headhunter' can be used to describe some kinds of recruiters (people
with the job of hiring new staff). However, it's also a name that a lot of people
are using nowadays to talk about zombies (not zombies like Brain who have jobs and
behave pretty much like everyone else, the disgusting ones who sleep in sewers and
spend all their time hunting for brains).

Brian had never eaten human brains. Not once.

Besides, 'headhunter' isn't even the correct word for his job anyway. He tried to
explain.

"You see, headhunters usually work for a recruitment company that is separate from
the company that needs new staff. So, imagine we need a new IT manager but are
finding it hard to get someone suitable. Well, we could ask a headhunting company
to find some suitable candidates and invite them for an interview. And we'd
probably only pay them if one of their candidates actually gets the job."

"Now, recruiters, on the other hand", Brian continued, "usually work directly for
the company who wants to hire someone. Take me, for example. We have a whole HR
department to deal with things like contracts, training and recruitment. I work on
the recruitment side of things."

"I see. I had no idea!" said Steve, taking a bite out of his ham sandwich.

"And you're working in the Property Department, right? I don't really know much
about that area. What do you guys actually get up to over there?" asked Brian.

"Well, basically, we deal with planning and building new supermarket stores. We're
expanding into pretty much every village, town and city across the country. You
wouldn't believe how many new stores are opening each year!"

"That sounds exciting!" said Brian. "I guess that'll keep you busy."

"You're not wrong there," said Steve. "What's that you're eating? Smells nice."

"Erm..." Brian had completely forgotten about his sheep brains, lying untouched in
his lunch box.

"Minced lamb." Brian replied.

CHAPTER FOUR

A tough day at the office

Brian arrived later than usual for work one morning after his bus was caught in
traffic. There was always more traffic on the roads on rainy days like this one.

The elevator doors opened at his floor and he walked in, hung up his wet coat and
left his umbrella by the coat stand to dry. He gave Rachel, the receptionist, a
quick wave as he walked straight towards the men's washroom.

'Need to check the make-up', Brian thought.

On rainy days, there was a big risk for working zombies like Brian that their make-
up would run. And if a working zombie's make-up runs, they soon look like any
ordinary sewer zombie - hated and feared by pretty much everyone.

'Not too bad', Brain thought - looking at himself in the mirror. He added a little
concealer around the eyes and a bit of red to his lips, then left the washroom.

Brian sat down at his desk, checked his appointments for the day and began to
answer a couple of emails.

Brian's department, Human Resources, was all found on one floor. It was an open
office - so you could see all the way from one side of the floor to the other. But
there were low partitions that separated the different areas of HR -
Administration, Employee Relations, Health and Safety, Legal, Recruitment (where
Brian worked), and Training and Development.

As he was working, he heard several voices coming from the photocopier area behind
his desk. They were chatting about something that caught Brian's attention.

"Dead," said one of the voices - a female voice that Brian didn't recognise.

"Gone. Just like that," the voice continued sadly. "Got trapped in an alley.
Headhunters came out of nowhere."

"That's the third one this year," said a male voice.

Brian recognised this voice. Nick from Health and Safety. Brian knew Nick quite
well. Nick gave Brian training on health and safety issues when Brian first arrived
at the company.

"Someone's got to do something about them", Nick continued. "My kids are afraid to
leave the house."

"They're everywhere these days," said the first voice. "Even in our office," she
added softly.

Brian looked straight ahead and pretended to continue working. He knew where this
conversation was going. It was the same every time.

"Now, come on", said another female voice. Brian was pretty sure he recognised this
voice. Susie from Marketing. 'But what's Susie doing here in HR', Brian wondered.

"They're not all the same, you know that," Susie continued. "Most zombies just want
to go to work and earn a living like you and me."

"They'd still eat your brains if they could, though, wouldn't they", said Nick.

"I heard they spread disease with everything they touch. To think we have to use
the same toilets as they do. Makes me sick," said the first voice.

Brian's head dropped and he stared at the lifeless pair of hands resting on his
keyboard.

"There's no evidence that they can spread disease," said Susie.

"No evidence at all", Susie continued. "We've known that for over twenty years. Two
decades of research. Come on, you guys work in HR. You know you can't talk like
that. They have rights too, you know."

Susie's voice got quieter as she walked away from the other two.

"She's right. You can't say anything these days", said Nick. "You never know who
you're talking to."

Later that day, after Brian had eaten his lunch, he bumped into Susie in the
elevator.

"Weather's been awful, hasn't it," said Susie.

"Terrible," agreed Brian.

"Hey Susie," Brian went on. "I overheard you speaking to those other guys earlier
down in HR. People don't often speak up for zombie rights. Good on you."

"Yeah, I just can't believe people still speak like that in today's world," Susie
replied, rolling her eyes upward.

"Well, this is my floor", Susie said as the elevator reached floor sixteen. "Catch
you later!"

"See ya," called Brian as the elevator door closed behind her.

CHAPTER FIVE

Brian's performance review

The months passed quickly and soon it was the day of Brian's first year performance
review.

Brian's manager had emailed Brian a few days before to schedule a meeting. In the
email, he asked Brian to think about his progress over the year, then complete a
self-evaluation form and send it back to him.

"Hi Brian, take a seat," said Peter. "Lovely day, isn't it?"

"Right! These past couple of weeks have been brilliant," replied Brian.

"Everything okay these days?" asked Peter.

"Yeah, not too bad, thanks," Brian responded. "I've been making the most of the sun
and going hiking on the weekends."

A lot of people wrongly believe that zombies can't go out in the daytime.
'Underground zombies' don't often come up to ground level because they fear for
their safety - police are allowed to legally shoot violent zombies, but reports
suggest hundreds of peaceful zombies also get shot every year. Most 'working
zombies', like Brian, choose to change their appearance and hide their true nature
- not just for safety, but also so they can be accepted more easily into society.

"That's great! Good to keep healthy," said Peter, smiling, as he cleaned his
glasses with a small cloth.

After putting his glasses back on, his eyes dropped to the piece of paper on his
desk.

"Thank you for sending me your self-evaluation form," said Peter. "It seems that
you've made a lot of progress in the last six months."

"Yes, I think so. It took a few months to really get into the role at the
beginning. But after that, I think I got the hang of it. Cindy was a great help,
answering all my questions and giving me advice on each stage of the recruitment
process."
As Brian's supervisor, Cindy was the person who trained Brian when he first started
at the company. She taught him how to 'screen' (check) the CVs of candidates to see
if they met the minimum requirements for the role. She showed him how to set up
first interviews with candidates who met the requirements and how to actually give
those interviews in person, over the phone or over the internet. She explained the
importance of clear communication with the hiring manager - the person who requests
someone to be hired. And for those candidates that hiring managers were interested
in, Cindy also taught Brian how to organise background and reference checks.

Brian was thankful that Cindy never seemed too busy to offer advice when he needed
help.

"That's good to hear," responded Peter.

"In the past six months, I've felt much more organised and more confident in my
abilities," Brian continued. "For example, it takes me a lot less time now to do
activities like screening CVs and setting up background checks."

"Yes, Cindy has been very positive about the progress you've been making. She also
mentioned that your interview technique has improved. You're now asking better
questions - questions that get candidates to give clear examples of their skills.
She says you're asking them for more details when necessary and moving on when you
have enough information."

Peter went on.

"I've also noticed you look more confident and presentable, Brian, which is great
as it's something we spoke about some time ago."

"Sure, I definitely worked on that back then. It's pretty much a habit now," Brian
responded.

Peter adjusted his glasses with one hand and took a sip of coffee with the other.

"Now, Brian. Have you thought about any goals for the next six to twelve months?"

Brian paused for a moment.

"To be honest, I feel like I'm pretty comfortable in the role now. It's been good
working with hiring managers from different departments, as I've got to know
different sides of the business. I even think I might be interested in working in
departments like Marketing, Purchasing or Product Development in future."

"Oh, I see," said Brian's manager. "Well, we have had people transfer from HR to
other departments in the past. Are you sure you don't see a future for yourself in
HR? As you know, Cindy will be going on maternity leave around November so we'll be
looking for a supervisor. You might be ready to take on new responsibilities by
then."

"Well, I am still learning here so I'm not in a hurry to leave or anything. Perhaps
we can see how things go?" replied Brian.

"Sure. Well, over the next few months, why don't we get you to work with the hiring
managers from those departments you mentioned? That way you'll have a chance to
learn more about the roles in those departments and the kind of skills you need for
them."

"That sounds like a great idea," Brian answered.

CHAPTER SIX

The staff party

Over the next few months, Brian's friendship with Susie grew stronger. They often
went to lunch together and Susie never seemed to ask questions about what Brian was
eating.

They joked about all kinds of things - their lives, the city, the people they
worked with, their jobs.

Brian was amazed how passionate she was about marketing. She really seemed
fascinated by the different ways you could reach people and attract their interest
in a company and its products.

One day, as they were having lunch together in the staff eating area, Brian started
a conversation he had never had before.

"Susie, listen. I've been wanting to tell you something for a while now."

"Oh, yeah," Susie replied, raising her eyebrows and smiling. "This sounds
interesting."

"Well, it's just that I," Brian said, pausing to find the right words.

"Go on," said Susie, leaning towards Brian and knocking him shoulder to shoulder.

"I just, um, thought that," Brian continued, "now could be a good time to let you
know that...well, it's a bit difficult to say out loud, but...".

"You know I'm married, don't you Brian?" Susie with a serious look on her face.

"Well, no. I mean, yes. I do now, I guess," said Brian, forgetting what he was
trying to say.

"I'm kidding!" Susie said laughing. "You know I'm not married. I've been telling
you for weeks about all the guys I like. Seriously Brian, just hurry up and finish
what you want to say. I've got to get back to work soon."

"I'm a zombie!" Brian said quickly, his eyes dropping down towards the chicken
brains in his lunchbox.

"Oh Brian, of course you are," said Susie, touching Brian's arm gently.

Brian looked up at Susie, searching for clues in her eyes. "What do you mean? You
knew? How?" he asked.

"Of course I knew. I read the signs," Susie replied.

"Signs? What signs?"

"Where should I start?" Susie said with a soft laugh. "Head down every time someone
like Nick mentions the undead. Twenty bathroom visits a day to check your make-up.
Lipstick stains on your glass after you drink. And just look at what you're eating
Brian! Shall I go on?"

"So you noticed then," Brian replied, playing with his unfinished chicken brains
with a fork.

Brian's eyes lit up.

"But you're okay with it?" he asked. "I mean, you're cool with me being a zombie?"

"Brian, come on. How long have we been friends for?" Susie said. "Of course I'm
cool with it. It doesn't change anything."

Brian smiled. "Thanks Susie," he said.

Susie went on. "You know, things have changed a lot over the past few years. You
might be surprised how accepting people can be nowadays."

"So, are you coming to the staff party tonight?" Brian asked. "It's on floor
twenty."

"Food, drink and dancing? Count me in!" Susie answered.

***

After work, Brian joined a group of workmates from his department to go upstairs to
the staff party.

This year, the company had decided to use the conference rooms on floor twenty and
had hired caterers to provide the food and a DJ for the music. The food was served
buffet-style, so each staff member could pick up a plate and choose from a range of
food. There was also an 'open bar', where alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks were
being served for free.

Brian didn't usually enjoy these parties. He never really knew what to say to
people and was always worried about how he looked. But that evening he felt like a
weight had been lifted off his shoulders. For the first time in a long time, he
felt... alive.

Brian saw Susie chatting with some workmates and went over to join her. He
recognised two of these workmates - Steve and Jason, both from the Property
department. There were three more members of staff who Brian didn't recognise.

"Brian!" called Steve, as Brian got closer.

"Everyone, this is Brian, from HR," Steve said to the group. "Brian, this is Mary,
Jane and Victor - all from Property. I think you've met Jason before. And this is
Susie from Marketing."

"Actually, we already know each other," said Susie, sipping a cocktail.

"Unfortunately," she added while punching Brian lightly on the arm.

"Hey guys, nice to meet you," said Brian.

"Anyone want a drink?" asked Steve, walking towards the bar.

As the party went on and the music got louder, more and more people moved away from
the food and towards the dance floor.

A couple of other staff members had joined Brian's group and they were all chatting
happily. Brian had had a few beers and was feeling a little light-headed. He didn't
mind. It was a good feeling. It was the feeling of freedom.

They chatted and laughed about all kinds of things – things they were working on,
the people they knew, the music that was playing, the food served at the buffet,
famous people, TV and much more.

When someone mentioned zombie films, Brian suddenly spoke without thinking.

"Did you know I'm a zombie?"

Brian was surprised by their reactions. Everyone seemed fine with the news.

The group continued to chat, joke and laugh, before joining the dance floor and
dancing into the night.

CHAPTER SEVEN

The anti-social and the social

In the days after the party, Brian thought he noticed some changes around the
office. Just a few little things here and there that made him pause and think.
'Hmm'.

He wasn't sure whether he was just imagining these things.

For example, each day when he opened the fridge to collect his lunch, was it just
Brian's imagination or was his lunchbox always on its own in a corner while the
rest of the fridge was full? Was he also imagining the looks in his direction when
workmates were chatting nearby? And there was the time when he was introduced to
someone who just smiled when Brian went to shake his hand.

One day, Brian experienced something that was definitely not just in his
imagination.

On one of Brian's visits to the washroom, after he had walked out of one toilet
cubicle, he saw a worker standing by the next cubicle. The man was reading
something on his phone and seemed to be waiting for a free toilet cubicle.

"This one's free," Brian said to the man, pointing at the toilet cubicle he had
just come out of.

"That's fine. I'll wait," said the man without looking up. He continued to look at
his phone.

Brian walked past the man towards the sinks, making sure he kept his body between
his hands and the man. 'Careful', thought Brian. 'Can't let him see'.
As he washed his hands, he watched as small bits of skin peeled off and floated
down the sinkhole. His hands began to lose their colour.

Brian was prepared for this and always carried a tanning moisturising cream in his
back pocket. This helped manage the dryness and add some colour back. He dried his
hands and applied the cream, all the time with his back to the man.

As he opened the door to leave, he heard a voice call out from behind him.

"Zombie scum."

Brian left the room and walked back to his desk. He tried to get on with his work,
but found his mind going back to what the man said. He kept hearing those two words
over and over in his head.

'Zombie scum'.

***

The next day, Brian told Steve about the guy in the washroom.

Brian and Steve had become friends over the past few weeks and Brian felt
comfortable enough to speak to him about his personal life.

"That's terrible Brian," said Steve with a sorry look on his face. "Try and forget
about it, mate. Those kind of people - they're not worth thinking about."

"News travels fast, I guess," said Brian, thinking back to the night of the staff
party.

Steve paused for a moment, before looking up at Brian.

"Speaking of news, have you checked the staff noticeboard recently?" Steve asked.

"No, not lately," Brian responded.

"Well, there's this one notice about an 'undead-friendly' event happening soon. I
didn't have time to read it properly. Why don't you check it out?"

On his way back to his desk, Brian checked the noticeboard. There, in the corner,
was a sheet of paper with a headline written in big letters.

UNDEAD-FRIENDLY SOCIAL NIGHT THIS FRIDAY

Below the headline, there was an image of the sun rising from behind mountains.
Yellow rays of sunlight were shining in all directions.

Brian read on.

Undead? Living?

Join workmates for food, drinks and fun at The Sunrise Bar!

All are welcome - just bring a warm smile!

BYO food/drinks (for dietary requirements)

6pm, Friday 6th May, The Sunrise Bar, West Street

'BYO', Brian wondered.

'Oh right', he thought. 'Bring Your Own'.

***

That Friday, Brian received a message from Susie on his phone.

'So, meet you at 6 downstairs?'

Brian wrote back, confused.

'Why, what's happening?'

A few seconds later, he received another message.

'Undead-friendly event at Sunrise Bar. You're coming with me and Steve, right? Just
say yes.'

Brian didn't know what to say at times like this. Susie was always so positive
about... well, everything. 'Just say yes'. That was easy for her to say. She wasn't
undead. She hadn't gone through what Brian had. She didn't have to deal with people
avoiding her, giving her funny looks or saying nasty things. Same thing with Steve.
What had Steve gone through that was anything like this? What if Brian was the only
zombie there? What if the bar was full of haters? He might have to take more abuse
from people. There could be a fight.

Brian started to think of reasons not to go to the event. Perhaps he could say he
was sick. Or perhaps he already had plans. He could have plans.

'You never have plans', Brian, he thought.

"Just say yes!" shouted Susie's voice in his head, breaking through his thoughts.

Brian reached for his phone and started typing.

'Sure, see you downstairs at 6.'

Then he hit the 'send' button.

CHAPTER EIGHT

The sunrise

The bar was just a ten-minute walk away.

When Brian, Steve and Susie reached the building, they looked up to see a bright
yellow sun on a red signboard. The sun's rays spread out and off the edge of the
signboard. Next to the sun were the words 'The Sunrise Bar'. The sound of live
music was coming from inside.

Steve held the door open for Susie and Brian. They walked in to see a bar straight
ahead of them. A barmaid was cleaning glasses and placing them on shelves, while a
barman was taking someone's order. To the left were several long wooden tables with
benches to sit on. A group of five people were sitting at one of these tables
playing a dice game. To the right were several smaller tables with wooden chairs. A
couple was sitting at one table and a group of three at another. Behind them, on
the far right wall, was a stage where a woman in her twenties was playing the
guitar and singing.

"Here for the social?" called a woman from one of the long tables on the left.

"Yes, that's right," said Susie, walking over. Brian followed.

As they got closer to the table, they could see the five people more clearly. A
tall man and woman were sitting at the far side of the table, facing them. On the
near side were three more people. Well, I say people. I mean, there were two people
and a... well, a shirt, a tie and trousers floating in the air.

Brian had heard about ghosts before, but he'd never actually met one.

"Linda!" said Steve loudly as he entered behind the other two. "I didn't know you
were coming!"

"Hey Steve, me neither!" she replied. "It was actually my Bill who asked me to
join. Bill and his workmates arranged the event."

Bill was sitting immediately beside her.

"So this is THE Bill then? Finally we get to meet. I'm Steve - I work with Linda"
said Steve, shaking Bill's hand. "And this is Brian from HR and Susie from
Marketing."

"Steve, Susie and Brian," said Bill.

"Great to meet you guys," Bill continued, shaking Susie's and Brian's hands. "I'm
Bill and this is my wife Linda. And this is Arnold, Lisa and Julie - they all work
with me in IT."

The group put their dice game to one side and made room for the three newcomers to
join their table.

"Drinks anyone? Food?" asked Linda.

Brian's stomach made a sound of complaint.

"You'll eat, Brian, won't you?" said Susie. She brought a hand towards her mouth
and spoke to the group in a pretend whisper. "He was so nervous, he forgot to eat
his lunch! He's brought lunch and dinner with him!"

"Susie!" Brian complained.

"Don't worry Brian, we're all friends here," said Linda, pulling something from a
plastic bag. "We're really glad you all came along. We've been wanting to do
something like this for ages."

Linda placed three bottles on the table. Each bottle was full of thick, red liquid.

"There's more where that came from if anyone wants a try!" said Bill, smiling.

Nobody said anything.

"What! It's not human blood," said Bill, looking hurt.

'Vampires.' Brian used to know a vampire a long time ago, but they lost contact. 'I
wonder what Victor's up to these days.'

"And did you bring anything, Brian?" said a male voice coming from the floating
shirt.

All the heads at the table turned to look in Brian's direction. The shirt and tie
seemed to move up and down with laughter.

"You ALL know already, don't you!" said Brian with a laugh, before pulling his
lunchbox out of his bag and placing it in front of him.

"Fresh cow brains, come and get them!" said Brian.

As the evening went on, several more people joined their group until there were
around twenty in total. Of these, eight were undead - three vampires (Bill, Linda
and Jeffrey), one ghost (Arnold), four zombies (Brian, Mark, Sally and Nadia).

"Oh, I'm starving!" said Nadia, as she arrived at the table with her boyfriend,
Gary. "I'd absolutely KILL for some brains", she added.

The living humans at the table gave her a nervous look.

"No, I meant," said Nadia. "I just meant that I'm hungry. Not... THAT."

There was laughter all around and Susie reminded Brian that he had another meal in
his bag.

"Here, you can have this," said Brian, handing Nadia his other food box.

"Are you sure?" asked Nadia. "Wow, thanks."

A few seconds passed.

"This is AMAZING, Brian!" said Nadia, speaking with her mouth full of food.

"Seriously guys, you just HAVE to try this," she added, holding her fork out
towards Mark and Sally - the other two zombies at the table.

"She's right," agreed Mark as he chewed on a long piece of pig brain.

He passed the fork to Sally.

"Wow, this is much better than the stuff I'm used to," said Sally. "It's just so
fresh and juicy. Where on earth do they come from?"

"Oh, I get them from some friends of mine who own a farm," Brian replied. "It's all
I eat really."
"They're ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS," said Nadia, as a piece of brain fat dropped onto
her blouse.

"I'm SERIOUS," she added, licking the last few bits off the lid of the box. "I
would PAY for brains as good as these."

The event was a complete success and the group continued to chat and laugh all
through the night and into the early hours. Barry the barman, it turns out, was a
vampire and joined the group after the normal closing time when most people had
already left.

Brian, Steve and Susie were the last few people to leave the bar. By the time they
left, it was already getting lighter outside.

As Brian walked out through the doors, he was greeted with an amazing bright, red
sunrise.

CHAPTER NINE

A working lunch

Over the next few weeks, Brian began to order more brains on his weekly trips to
the farm outside town. At home, he divided the brains into single meal sizes. He
labelled each meal 'chicken', 'duck', 'pig' or 'sheep', and stored them in his
freezer.

From Monday to Friday each week, Brian took orders from his new zombie friends -
Mark, Sally and Nadia. On Friday, he took the meals in to work and delivered them
to those who had ordered earlier in the week. The next week, the process started
again.

Brian's three zombie friends were very thankful. As working zombies, they didn't
have much time to hunt for their own food, so they used to buy bags of brains from
underground zombies. But these brains usually came from sewer rats, lizards and who
knows what else - all minced together in a bag. They were not particularly tasty
and their freshness was questionable.

During this time, Brian began to experiment with the flavour of his brains. Each
week, he added a different herb or spice to the mix. The following week, he would
ask what Mark, Sally and Nadia thought about the new taste. He listened to their
opinions and used this information to improve the recipe.

News of Brian's fresh, tasty brains spread quickly. He began receiving more and
more orders from zombies across the company. Soon, he was receiving more orders
than he could manage and needed to create a waiting list for new customers.

Brian realised he needed help.

One day, he met up with Steve and Susie for lunch. He explained the situation to
them.
"Oh my gosh, Brian. That's incredible!" said Susie. "You really have been busy
these past few weeks."

"I know," said Brain. "It's just all happening so fast. All I wanted to do at the
beginning was help out a few friends. Now I can't keep up with all the orders!"

"You've certainly found a gap in the market," said Steve. "You could create a
business out of this."

"A business?" said Brian, scratching his head. "I wouldn't know where to start."

There was a short pause. Susie took a sip from her glass of water and Steve had a
bite from his sandwich.

"But you already have started, Brian," said Susie. "And you're doing a really good
job of it."

"What do you mean?" asked Brian.

"She's right," added Steve. "Look, you've found yourself a good supplier for your
product."

"Yeah, but that's just a farm I used to work at," said Brian.

"Exactly," said Steve. "You managed to find a supplier from your network of
contacts. Not everyone has those kinds of contacts, Bri."

"And look at what you've been doing recently," Susie said. "You've been getting
feedback from your customers and using that feedback to improve the product. That's
called 'customer research'."

"I just wanted to improve the recipe, that's all," said Brian.

"If you already have more orders than you can manage," Susie went on, "then that's
a great sign that there's a real future in this."

Susie continued, looking into the air and drawing imaginary pictures as she spoke.

"Don't settle for sewer rats! Take your pick from our selection of free-range
brains!" she said powerfully.

'Free-range, huh', thought Brain. 'Well, it is a free-range farm - the animals can
walk around freely outdoors.'

"Fresh from the farm! Ordered to your office!" Susie continued.

"I think I'm going to need more people to help manage these deliveries," said
Brian.

He continued. "But I don't have any more space in my freezer."

"What you really need is a building for storage and distribution," said Steve.

"Storage and distribution?" asked Brian.

"Right," Steve continued. "You'll need a kind of warehouse to store and freeze the
food. And if this warehouse is nearer the city, you'll be able to make faster
deliveries."
"Fresh from the farm! Delivered to your door!" Susie added.

Brian thought for a moment.

"I like the idea. I mean, the farm is pretty far away. It would be more efficient
to order more product, store it in a warehouse, then deliver directly to
customers."

There was another pause while Brian took a bite of his cow brains.

Suddenly, he put down his fork and looked up.

"I'd need someone to manage the marketing side of things," he said, looking in
Susie's direction.

"And I'd need someone to find a suitable property," he continued, looking towards
Steve. "Someone with the experience and knowledge to pick the right location around
the city."

Brian continued, "But to start with, we'll need some time to get more customers and
get a bit more money coming in."

"We?" said Susie and Steve at the same time.

"Right, we'll need to use both your freezers as well as mine," Brian went on. "And
we'll need all three of us to help make deliveries around the office."

There was another pause as Susie and Steve looked at each other with eyebrows
raised.

CHAPTER TEN

Brian's Brains

Over the next few months, Brian, Steve and Susie all helped to collect orders and
deliver food outside their regular jobs.

It wasn't long before they again were receiving more orders than they could manage.
Their freezers were already full of brains and they found themselves busy all the
time.

Brian was the first to leave his job, feeling that he needed to give all his time
to the project to help it succeed. Susie and Steve followed shortly after. They put
together a business plan, took out a bank loan and registered their business.

When it came to choosing a name for the business, the three co-founders didn't take
long to decide.

'Brian's Brains.'

The three began working from a small office in the centre of town.
Brian managed purchasing and product development. He was able to get a good deal
with the farm he used to work at on the purchase of fresh animal brains. He also
continued doing his customer research, slowly improving the flavour and style until
it matched his zombie customers' tastes. Eventually, he created four different
flavours that he was confident would delight customers: 'Cockroach Chicken,
Dragonfly Duck, Pistachio Pig and Chardonnay Sheep.'

Steve dealt with operations and property. He managed to find a suitable warehouse
on the edge of town and hired a number of large freezers, which could be used to
store much larger quantities of brains. He organised a delivery contract between
the farm and the warehouse and used a delivery app to manage orders and deliveries
from the warehouse to customers.

Susie was responsible for marketing and sales. She set up a website that showed all
the products available at Brian's Brains and allowed customers to place orders. She
managed the relationship with the customers, giving them the latest news and
showing them how to place orders through the website or delivery app.

At the same time, undead-friendly events were becoming more popular around town.
The three co-founders went to many of these events. They developed relationships
with the organisers and were often allowed to give free brain samples to zombies.
Many of these zombies became new customers.

Brain's Brains became more and more popular with zombies throughout the town and
sales grew stronger and stronger.

One Friday evening, Brian, Steve and Susie decided to go back to The Sunrise Bar.
They had heard that there was now an undead-friendly event every week.

As they walked towards the door, the sound of rock music grew louder and louder.

They entered the bar. Barry the barman gave them a friendly wave over a crowd of
customers. To the right, a large group of people stood listening to a band playing
on stage. The tables had all been cleared away.

"Look Brian, it's an undead band!" said Susie, excitedly.

"Wow! There's something you don't see every day," added Steve.

Brian looked up towards the stage, where he could see four performers. They were
clearly undead. In fact, they didn't seem to be hiding their natural look at all.

The singer was a tall man with a pale face and red eyes. He was wearing black jeans
and a black shirt and held the microphone with two bony hands. His long, pointed
teeth could be seen every time he opened his mouth to sing. Standing next to him
was a tall lady playing a bass guitar and dressed in red and black. 'Two vampires.'

"It's Bill and Linda!" cried Susie.

Brian had to take another look. It was difficult to tell without the make-up.

"Oh my gosh, it really is them!" said Brian.

Next to Bill and Linda, there was a guitar floating in the air and rocking to the
music. Immediately behind the guitar was a shirt, tie and trousers floating in the
air and rocking with the guitar. 'A ghost.'

At the back of the stage were the drums. A pale face looked out from behind them. A
female face with large, dark circles around the eyes, colourless lips and loose
skin that seemed to peel off her face and arms. A pale pair of hands sent the
drumsticks crashing down in time with the music. 'A zombie.'

For a second, Brian felt he recognised the face, but he couldn't seem to remember
where he had seen it.

After ordering drinks, Brian, Steve and Susie bumped into some old workmates and
enjoyed catching up on old times.

"Guys, it's just been AMAZING," shouted Nadia over the music. "The event has just
got bigger and bigger."

"That guitarist. Is that... Arnold?" asked Susie.

"That's right!" Nadia replied. "Bill, Linda and Arnold had been talking about
starting a band for ages. They're just FANTASTIC, aren't they?"

"They're awesome," agreed Brian. "And do you know who the drummer is?"

As Nadia started to answer, the band finished their last song. People began to move
past them and towards the bar. The group moved to a table near the stage and were
soon joined by members of the band.

"Long time no see!" called Linda.

"You never told us you were in a band!" said Steve.

As the group continued to greet each other, Brian felt a light tap on his shoulder
from something wooden.

"Fancy seeing you here, Brian," said a familiar voice.

He turned around to see a pair of pale hands holding drumsticks. Looking up, he saw
a pair of colourless lips smiling at him. The smile seemed to spread from the lips,
to the cheeks, to two large, blue eyes with dark circles around them.

He recognised that smile.

"Rachel?" said Brian.

"Surprised to see me?" said the receptionist.

"Just a bit!" replied Brian.

"I started coming to The Sunrise around a month ago and met the guys," said Rachel,
taking a seat beside Brian and Linda. "Linda said they were looking for a drummer,
so here I am!"

"And no make-up! That was pretty brave," said Brian.

"Yeah," Rachel replied. "Linda said from the start that they didn't want to hide on
stage and it just felt like the right time."

Brian continued. "You know, I think I was so worried about other people finding out
about me that I never stopped to think there might be other zombies working with me
too. How's everything going at work, by the way?"

"Same old, same old," said Rachel. "To be honest, the only time I feel truly
'alive' is when I'm here at The Sunrise."

"I know the feeling," said Brian.

"I asked management about the dress code at work, but they weren't very open to
making changes," said Rachel, looking down at the skin peeling from her hands.

"They said the undead look was too unprofessional," she added.

"You know, we've been looking for a receptionist at Brian's Brains," said Brian.

"And... there's no dress code."

A word from Brian

Thank you for taking the time to read about my life. It's been a great adventure,
that's for sure. But now's just the start really. Brian's Brains is going to take a
lot of hard work and energy but I hope we can make it a success.

I'd love to hear what you thought of my story. I've set up a webpage where you can
write something for me if you like: thelanguageprofessional.com/brian

I respond to every comment, you know.

Oh, and Steve, Susie and Rachel asked me to say 'hi'.

Cheers,

Brian.

- THE END -

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Credits

Written and edited by: Hugh Mortimer

Attributions

Book cover image: Combination of two images,

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/meeting-business-brainstorming-1453895/

(background colour edit and character omission) and

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/meeting-business-brainstorming-1453895/

(graphics edits), both available under this license:

https://pixabay.com/service/license/

Copyright and License

Copyright 2019 by The Language Professional

Brian's Brains by The Language Professional is licensed under the Creative Commons
Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License
(https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/4.0/

If you'd like to share this content, please contact:

hugh@thelanguageprofessional.com