here we are again… facing each other trying to say all the trues but lying our asses

off to get off

the guilt and to avoid the consequences, thinking I should have, we should have,..
I seen what you did there … I wasn't feeling confident enough… tangent rules off course…
Now I'll always have to have in mind that every great day brings behind some sorrow…
But how can you relate if you don't feel it .. if you are only sorry to get caught… are you really
that much of a coward that preferred to leave it hanging instead of telling me
. To make me feel that way again…I want to be who I once was… so proud and so tall, nothing
could knock me down, I got lied a lot but that didn't touch me I was way up there to be reached
by those… but time has passed and I'm not what I was before… I changed… I allowed me to
feel, to care enough to put my heart on the plate again and got served. Left without the heart,
without the plate, all gone… but the imminent void and the pain… oh my God, the pain.
Indeed you need the pain to remind you that you are alive, otherwise you can roll through the
world untainted, you would float through.
I fear for the future, I want to go back to the ignorance… but this can't be undone… I know and
the worst part is that you are choosing to keep hurting me, even after I told you what I did… I
knew that at the end how I felt wouldn't matter because the decision is not mine… you hurt me
and I have to allow you to keep doing so , so you can be ok. Hope that one day I could share
also with you so many things, that you could see how many of me I've sacrificed putting you
above me hoping that one day you would do the same for me and avoid the pain for me…
I know I'm to blame… I'm taking the bullet and blaming you for shooting.. I didn't had to take the
bullet .. but how could have I let you go with the guilt.. I took your guilt and my pain and will
endure it as much as I can
Why you prefer to hurt me?

So I thought that I was stronger, that I was able to endure it for your sake but ended up backing
out myself and hurting us again… what a great wife I turned out to be, saying all that crap about
self-sacrificing to end up backing up and sharing how hurted I was by all that.

Making you feel bad about something that you did to me when