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Hello their fellow Entertainer, this is the great stage performer, comedian and all around
awesomely talented and famous Bard Julio Nodel. I am giving you a taste of my great
work “The Jestocon” is a collection of Jokes, Insults and Inspirational Quotes meant for
Bards, Entertainers or for anyone really. You can use this great material that I have made
for any need on your journey to become a great Bard.

If you wish to submit Jokes, Inspirational Quotes and Insults.

Mage mouth me at Jestocon@gmail.com

Q; What’s the difference between Metahumour and Metagaming?

A; One’s weird and usually quite funny, and the other's a type of joke.

Index:

Jokes
Campfire Jokes;
Class Jokes;
Did you hear the one about;
Goblin Jokes;
Guard;
Knock Knock;
Monster Jokes;
Race;
Religion;
Tavern Jokes;
What do you call;
Wish Jokes;

Insults
Combat;
I hate you;
I’m Insulting your being;
Intimidating;
Yo Momma;
You Stink;
You’re an idiot;
You’re ugly;

Inspirational quotes
How you effect other people;
How you feel;
You can do it;
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Index:

Jokes
Campfire Jokes; 2
Class Jokes; 3
Did you hear the one about; 3
Goblin Jokes; 4
Guard; 5
Knock Knock; 5
Monster Jokes; 6
Race; 7
Religion; 8
Tavern Jokes; 8
What do you call; 9
Wish Jokes; 9

Insults
Taunts; 12
Threats; 13
Your Momma; 14
(Dumb, Fat, Ugly)
You Stink; 15
You’re an idiot; 15
You’re ugly;16

Inspirational quotes
How you effect other people; 18
How you feel; 18
You can do it; 19
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Jokes
Campfire Jokes:
- Q; How many Slaadi does it take to light a campfire?
A; Bananas implicate the planets alignment.

- Q; How many Basilisks does it take to light a campfire?

A; Where would Basilisks even get kindling?

- Q; How many Clerics does it take to light a dead campfire?

A; Only one. They cast Cure Light.

- Q; How many Orcs does it take to light a campfire?

A; Four. “Got a problem with that, pinky?”

- Q; How many Rogues does it take to light a campfire?

A; How much is it worth to you?

- Q; How many Barbarians does it take to light a campfire?

A; A Barbarian warrior is not afraid of the dark!

- Q; How many Paladins does it take to light a campfire?

A; 2. One to Light the fire, and another to "uphold the light”

- Q; How many Halflings does it take to light a campfire?

A; What, you'd trust a Halfling with your kindling? I'll light it myself thank you!

- Q;How many Barbarians does it take to light a campfire?

A; 4. 3 to figure out what the heck a campfire does, and 1 to spend a thought on to get it
done.

- Q; How many dead Goblins does it take to light a campfire?

A; Enough for them to all die of the cold and to make a stench so strong, a concerned
citizen would come to investigate, and noticing the dead campfire, and light it.

Class Jokes:
- Q; Why do Rogues wear Leather?
A; Because it's made out of Hide.

- Q; Why aren't there any dyslexic Rogues?

A; Because they're trained to duck fire things.

- Q; What do you call a Raging Barbarian?

A; Anything you like, they can’t hear you when their Raging.

- Stand aside. I'm the only one here trained to Lute bodies.
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- I knew a Fighter who beat a Wizard in a fair fight once, true story.
- Two Bards are standing on a bridge, when the first one emits a stinking cloud.
The second one says 'I didn't know you could cast that spell!'
To which the first one replies 'I can’t…'

- The Fighter asks the Sorcerer, “What's the difference between a Wand of Cure Wounds
and a Rod of Wonder?”
The Sorcerer says “I dunno”
The Fighter responses “Well, I'm not gonna make you the party healer then.”

- A Wizard, a Bard and a Barbarian are out adventuring when they come across a
mystical portal. The portal's Golem guardian tells them “To pass, you must state one
true thing, or be lost forever.”.
The Wizard steps forward and says 'I think that I am the smartest' and passes.
The Bard steps forwards and says 'I think that I am the most talented' and also passes.
The Barbarian steps forward. 'Me think -' and suddenly the portal suddenly screams and
tentacles grapple the Barbarian and pull him in.

Did you hear the one about:

- Q; Did you hear the one about the Werewolf?
A; You’ll howl.

- Q; Did you hear the one about the banshee?

A; It’s a scream.

- Q; Did you hear the one about the broken sword?

A; It’s pointless.

- Q; Did you hear the one about the angry mob?

A;It’s a riot.

- Q; Did you hear the one about the titan?

A; Don’t worry It may go over your head.

Goblin Jokes:
- Q; What goes best with fondue?
A; A dead Goblin.

- Q; What’s funnier than seeing a dead Goblin?

A; Two dead Goblin’s.

- Q; What do you call a Goblin with a limp?

A; A Hopgoblin.

- Q; Why didn't the Goblin cross the road?

A; Cause it got run over.
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- Q; What do you do when the Goblin leaves the kitchen?
A; Shorten the chain.

- Q; What’s funnier than a dead Goblin?

A; A dead Goblin in a clown suit.

- Q; What’s more fun than stapling Goblins to a wall?

A; Ripping them off again.

- Q; What’s green, mouldy, and lying at the bottom of the pool?

A; A dead Goblin.

- Q; What’s green, red, and bumps into walls?

A; A Goblin with forks in its eyes.

- Q; Why did the dead Goblin cross the road?

A; Because it's stapled to a chicken.

- Q; How do you get a one armed Goblin out of a tree?

A; Wave to him.

- Q; What’s worse than ten dead Goblins in a ditch?

A; One Goblin and ten ditches.

- 1. Q; What’s brown and sits motionless on the floor?

A; A Goblin in a bag of holding.

- 2. Q; What’s Grey, smelly, sits in the corner and attracts flies?

A; The same Goblin 2 weeks later.

- Q; What’s the coolest kind of dead Goblin?

A; The dead kind...with a leather jacket, sunglasses, and blue hair.

- Q; How do you make a dead Goblin float?

A; Two scoops vanilla ice-cream, one scoop dead Goblin.

- Q; How many Goblins does it take to paint a house?

A; Depends on how hard you throw ‘em.

- Q; How do you stop a Goblin from crawling around in circles?

A; Nail its other hand to the floor.

- Q; How do you clean up all those dead Goblin corpses?

A; Send in a bunch of cannibal Goblins in.

- Q; What’s the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of Goblin guts?
A; You can't gargle gravel.

- Q; What’s green, mouldy, and at the bottom of a shark filled pool?

A; A dead Gob- oh no wait… not anymore.
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- Q; What’s the difference between a dead Goblin and a cannon ball?
A; Only the dead Goblin can be lifted with a pitchfork.

- Q; What’s worse than a pit full of dead Goblins?

A; A pit full of dead Goblin s with one live Goblin at the bottom eating it's way to
freedom.

Guard:
- Q; What do you call a Gnome psychic who's escaped from jail?
A; A small medium at large.

- Q; A Halfling, a Half-Orc and a Tiefling are all in a wagon. Who's driving?

A; The city guard.

Knock Knock:
- Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Zombie.
Interrupting Zom-
BBRRAAAAIIINSSS!

- Knock-knock
Who's there?
Turner.
Turner who?
Turner around, I'm coming' to kill you!

Monster Jokes:
- Q; Where does the Tarrasque sit?
A; Any place it wants.

- Q; What do you call a Dragon wearing a dress?

A; Whatever it wants you to!

- Q; What do you say when a hulking hurler starts throwing sheep?

A; That was baaaalistic.

- Q; What is the difference between an Orc and a rock?

A: About three IQ points.

- Q; What do you call a Kobold Master of Many Forms with a snake familiar?
A; Sir.

- Q; How do you kill an Orc with a crossbow?

A; You pick it up and shoot him!
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- Q; How many Orcs does it take to bake a pie?
A; Depends on how many Halflings are in it.

- Q; How many Orcs does it take to change a wagon wheel?

A; Six to lift the wagon, and one to pin the diaper on.

- Two Orcs are flanking a gelatinous cube

The first orcs says, “How you get at other side?”
The second orcs says, “What you talking about? You at other side!”

- Two Orcs are walking around in a city, when one orc falls over in pain, the other Orc
runs to a doctor. "Doc, come quick, My friend fell down!”
The doctor responds "Is he dead?”
The Orc leaves the office, returns shortly "He is now.”

- Two Orcs are on watch on there post.

One Orc says “What's the difference between an Elf, and a bouncy mushroom?”
The other Orc says “I dunno” with a shrug.
The first Orc says “You take your boots off before you jump on a bouncy mushroom.”

- A Zombie, a Skeleton, and a Wraith are standing in a tomb waiting for some adventures
to come rob it.
The Wraith says "The boredom is killing me.
The Zombie groans "Yeah, but its a living."
The the Skeleton chimes in "Knock it off you two, or I'll have a bone to pick with both of
you!”

- A Human is selling melons in the fair, when a huge Orc approaches, and says out loud
"I WANT TO BUY HALF A MELON".
The Human, intimidated with the Orc's size, replies "I don’t know if I can sell you half of
a melon... I'll have to ask my boss..."
The Human leaves to one of the tents, and the Orc follows the human without being
noticed. The Human says to the boss "boss, there's a ugly monster out there, wanting to
buy half of a melon".
The Human looks back, and finds the Orc standing right behind them "... and this
gentleman right here wants to buy the other half”.

Race:
- Q; How do Gnomes name their children?
A; Through complicated ‘gnomenclature’.

- Q; Ever hear of the Dwarf that could swim?

A; Neither have I.

- Q; Why are there no Dwarven lawyers?

A; They cannot pass the bar.

- Q; Why did the Halfling cross the road?

A; To steal the chicken.
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- Q; How do you kill an Elf from the Underdark?
A; You Drown it.

- Q; What happens when an angry gnome takes revenge?

A; Gnomore mr. nice guy!

- Q; What is the difference between Orc Beldam and Elf maiden?

A; About fifty years.

- Q; How can you tell if a Halfling is lying?

A; Their lips would be moving.

- Q; Why do Elves have pointy ears?

A; There has to be some point to them.

- Q; How do you get a bar full of Dwarves up on the roof?

A; Yell "drinks on the house!”

- Q; What’s purple and sits on my veranda?

A; My pet Tiefling and I'll paint them any color I want dangit!

- Q; What’s the difference between a dead cat on the road, and a dead Gnome on the
road?
A; You can see the footprints walking around the cat.

- A Human, an Elf and a dwarf are walking on the road.

The Human says “Hey elf, you look like a girl!”
The Elf response to the Human “Everything must look like a girl to you.”
The Human looks confused with a “What?”
The Elf continues with counting on its fingers “Half Elves, Half Orcs…"
The Human “Hey!”
The Dwarf chimes in with “Half Dragons, Half Trolls…"
The Human frustrated with itself for saying anything in the first place yells “Stop it!”
The Elf pauses and then says “Centaurs”.

Religion:
- Q; What do you do when (insert god) gives you lemons?
A; You find another god.

- Q; What’s the difference between a Porcupine and a Temple of Pelor?

A; Porcupine has the prickles on the outside.

You can use these jokes for any god examples:

- The Lord Archfey does not sleep. He waits.

- Who's the most dishonest God? The Great Fiend, because he can eternal lie.
- There is no evolution. Just a list of creatures The Old One allows to live.
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- The Great Wall of (insert country) was originally created to keep The Old One out. It
failed miserably.

Tavern Jokes:
- A Rogue walks into a bar and says “Owe.”
- A Dwarf, an Elf and a Human walk into a bar. The Dwarf goes straight under.
- An Ogre, Giant, and Troll walk into a bar... but the Kobold was able to duck under it.
- A Cleric, a Barbarian, and a Rogue walk into a bar. You think one of them would have
seen it coming.

- A Werebear walks into a bar and says "I'd like a beer.......and some nuts."
The barkeep says "Hey buddy, why the large paws?

- A Cleric, a Druid, and a Goblin walk into a bar. The Goblin looks to the other two and
say "Oops, I'm in the wrong joke."

- Hey, since you're all laughing at my jokes, would someone mind covering my bar tab for
me? I'm a little 'short'. (Perfect for Halflings/ Gnomes/ Goblins/ Kobolds)

- A Wizard, a Fighter, and a Rouge walk into a bar. The barkeep takes one look at them
and says "What is this, some kind of a joke?”

- An Elf, a Human, and a Dwarf Go into a bar and order a beer. Before they drink, a fly
lands in each of there cups.
The Elf shoves the beer away in disdain.
The Human waves the fly away and drinks the beer.
The Dwarf picks the fly up, holds it over his glass and yells, "Spit it all out you!”

- A Gnome walks into a bar. He stands by the counter and asks for some wine.
Seconds passes.
He asks again... nothing.. he starts to jump, trying to look over the counter, and asking "I
want a wine! I want a wine!.
He gets upset and walks around the bar, and finds another Gnome jumping, trying to
look over the counter, asking "red or white? Red or White?”

- A very angry looking Knight storms into a bar with sword in hand.
"I'm looking for the no-good scum who painted my horse green!"
he declares, "Stand up and show yourself, you knave!”
At this, the biggest, ugliest, meanest-looking Half-Orce stands up and says, "Yeah, dat's
me. Whaddaya want?"
The Knight gulps and says "I, uh, just wanted to let you know I think it's time for a
second coat.”
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- A Knight is leaving the bar, when the knight see their mount was stolen. Angered, the
Knight yell’s "I'm gonna go get another drink. If, by the time I'm back, and my mount is
not here, I'll do what I did yesterday".
The Knight walks back into the bar, and asks for another drink, the knight drinks, and
exits the bar... and there is his horse. A Halfling that was standing there, curiously asks
"What did you do yesterday"?
To which the Knight replies “I went home by foot.”

- A Kobold, A Warforged, and a Zombie walk into a bar.

Kobold says, "my warren was invaded last week, only me and my best friend made it
out alive."
Bartender says, "That's too bad." The Kobold gets a free beer.”
Warforged says: "I went with my creator and his party to stave off an invasion from
armies of Terrasques. I was the only one to survive."
Bartender silently hands him a beer.
Zombie says "Well, Me and some friends headed into the Tomb Of Horrors..."
Bartender cuts him off: "Hey buddy, no one likes a showoff.”

- A Knight walks into a bar, and asks for a ale very proudly.
The Bar tender says “You look very pleased.”
the Knight replies “I fought an ogre and killed him easily.”
“Oh then have one on the house” says the Bar tender
The next day the same Knight strides into the bar and yells “all drinks are on me”
The bar erupts and cheers. The Bar tender asks “What did you kill today?”
The Knight replies “I fought a red dragon today and slayed it”
The next night the knight walks in to the bar with his metaphorical tail between his legs
the bar tender asks “What happened?”
The Knight replies “I saw a Kobold with a little familiar....and ran the hell away.”

What do you call:

- Q; What do you call a lost Lycanthrope?
A; A where wolf.

- Q; What do you call a Orc with two brain cells?

A; Pregnant.

- Q; What do you call a dock where Dwarves tie up there ships?

A; A Dwharf.

- Q; What do you call a party of Bards in full-plate armour?

A; A heavy metal band.

- Q; What do you call ten thousand (Insert) lying dead on the bottom of the ocean?
A; A good start.
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Wish Jokes:
- An Orc, an Elf, and a Dwarf find themselves being granted wishes by an Efreeti.
The Orc says, "We Orcs need to return to power. I wish all the Orcs and Half-Orcs were
returned to their ancient lands.”.
The Efreeti nods his head, and the Orc vanishes.
The Elf says, "The Elves need to get back to their roots. I wish all the Elves were
returned to their ancestral home."
The Efreeti nods his head, and the Elf vanishes.
The Dwarf looks around. "Let me get this straight," the Dwarf says, "The Orc wished for
all the Orcs to be gone, and the Elf wished for all the Elves to be gone?”.
The Efreeti nods. "Very well, then," said the Dwarf, "I'll have an ale.”

- An Elf and a Dwarf come across a Drow in the woods while adventuring. They capture
the Drow with ease. All of a sudden they are shocked to find an Efreeti which offers the
three each one wish each.
The Dwarf asks “I want my home hold to be filled with the best defensive weaponry
possible.”
The Elf asks “I want my home city to be surrounded by a huge, impenetrable wall, with
no crack, crevice or even gate to fully ensure my people's safety.”
The Drow thinks for a minute. 'How high is this wall?' he asks the Efreeti.
'About 30 feet' replies the Efreeti.
'And it's completely impenetrable?’ the Drow asks.
‘Yes' The Efreeti answers.
The Drow thinks, before finally opening his mouth to declare his wish with a snap of his
fingers. 'Fill it with water’

- A Gnome and a Half-Orc find themselves being granted three wishes each by a pair of
Efreet.
The Half-Orc smirks and says, "I wish that I was the leader of my tribe, and that the
Orcs and Half-Orcs of my tribe were beautiful women."
The first Efreeti nods and grants his wish.
The Gnome says, "I wish for a riding-dog." The second Efreeti nods and grants his wish.
"Why are you wishing for a riding-dog?" the Half-Orc asks the Gnome. "There's no limit
to what you can wish for!" He thinks for a second, then turns to the first Efreeti and
says, "I wasn't thinking big enough last time. I wish that all the Orcs and Half-Orcs on
the continent were beautiful women."
The first Efreeti nods and grants his wish.
The Gnome says, "I wish for a saddle for my riding-dog." The second Efreeti nods and
grants his wish.
The Half-Orc watches the Gnome put the saddle on the riding-dog, an incredulous look
on the Half-Orc's face.
"You're wasting your wishes by thinking too small, fool! See?" He turns to the first
Efreeti and says, "I wish that all the Orcs and Half-Orcs in the world were beautiful
women!" The first Efreeti nods and grants his wish.
The Gnome smirks and shakes his head slowly. He climbs into the saddle, and as he
leaves, he says, "I wish the Half-Orc here was gay."
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Insults
Taunts
- I've seen more threatening geckos!
- Awe, your weapons are so tiny!
- You're like a dragon, only bad!
- A wet cat is tougher than you!
- You’re maggot pie served from a Zombie’s armpit!
- You look like an oven, In that plate armour.
- Your mother is really disappointed in your life choices.
- You would bore the ears off a village idiot!
- Are you a skeleton? Because clearly you have no guts.
- Did your mother cast a darkness spell to feed you!
- I've heard of Sage girls with better fighting skills than you!
- I bet not even a starving vampire would go near you!
- I don't know whether to use charm person or hold monster!
- I'm sure the God of [ Clumsy, Stupid, Ugly ] appreciates your devotion.
- Some day you'll go far and I hope you stay there!
- They say every rose has its thorns, ain't that right, buttercup!
- Very impressive, I think I'll hire you out for children's parties!
- I'd insult your parents, but you probably don't know who they are!
- You're like a gnome on stilts, real cute, but it's not working!
- I'm glad you're big… It means there's more of you I can despise!
- You call that an attack, I've seen dead kittens hit harder than that!
- You’re the worst example of your (Class/ Races) that I've ever come across!
- Was your mother a Drider or has your butt always been that huge!
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- Well, my time of not taking you seriously is coming to a end!
- When your god put teeth in your mouth, he ruined a perfectly good butt!
- If this fight gets any harder, I'll have to switch it up to folk music!
- How does it feel that you're not worthy of anyone casting a decent spell on you!
- I'd say you were a worthy opponent, but I once fought a halfling wielding a dandelion!
- If I were you, I'd go and get my money back for that remove curse spell!
- I swear, if you were any worse at this, you'd be doing my job for me!
- A goblin with one hand nailed to a tree would be more of a threat than you!
- Didn't there used to be like twice as many of you guys? What's up with that, huh!
- Woo, you have a fat Butt. I guess all those behind you are getting cover for this fight!
- I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my own
Butt!

- OMG. Why don't you give me your weapon so I can hit myself with it, because that'd be
more effective than you trying it!

- Thy beard, moreover, is an offence against decency, resembling more closely the
scabrous fur which doth decorate the hinder portion of a mongrel dog than a proper
adornment for a face.

- Okey stop me if you've heard this one. The sole purpose of your existence is to serve as
a fallen tree on others path to greatness… You should of stopped me by now!

Threats
- You're going to make an excellent belt!
- On a scale of 1 - 10, you're proper screwed!
- I'd draw my rapier, but I wouldn't want to make you jealous!
- I would contact your mother about your death, but I don't speak goblin!
- I can tell your reservoir of courage is leaking by the stream running down your leg!
- Wait, wait, I just need to ask, what do you need us to put on your headstone!
- You know, this sword may not be beautiful, but this sword is going into your eye
Beholder!
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- Your very being is an insult to everyone on this plan of existence I intend to fix that.
- One day I'm going to make a ballad of this fight. Tell me your name, I hope it rhymes
with horribly slaughtered!

- Do you know what happens to a (insert) when it comes in to contact with (Insert)?
Neither do I, but based on what happened to your comrade, my money's on 'dies
horribly’!

Your Momma
- Your momma was a kobold and your father smelled of elderberry!
- Your momma's so gross, she won a farting contest against a Dretch.

Your momma's Dumb

- Your momma's so dumb, she drains mind flayers' Intelligence.
- Your momma's so dumb, zombies made her a dunce hat!
- Your momma's so dumb she thought Yuan-Ti was a beverage offer.
- Your momma's so stupid, she threw gold into the ocean to buy a sword from the coast.

Your momma's Fat

- Your momma's so fat, gelatinous cubes get absorbed in her.
- Your momma's so fat, her nickname is Bag of Holding.
- Your momma's so fat, Tarasques cool off in her shade.
- Your momma's so fat, she got stuck in her dimension door!
- Your momma's so fat, she takes up more room than a gelatinous cube!
- Your momma's so fat, her monk path is the Way of the Open Maw.
- Your momma’s so fat, she calls the folds between her rolls the under dark.
- Your momma's so fat, that making a joke would detract from the seriousness of her
condition!

- Your momma's so fat, that when she sat on a dagger it came out a longsword!
- Your momma's so fat, she's got a mouth in the back of her neck that bites back at
vampires.
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Your momma's Ugly
- Your momma's so ulgy, NightHags have nightmares about her.
- Your momma's so ugly, Clerics use Turn Undead on her!
- You look like Your momma, and your momma looks like your father!
- Your momma's so ugly, she's got stone medusa statues in her garden.
- I heard what happened to Your momma, it's not everyday your reflection kills you!
- Your momma's so ugly, a Beholder took one gaze of her and became blind.
- Your momma's so ugly, you just tell people you're an orphan with a tragic past.
- Your momma’s so ugly, folk’s avoid her face just incase they might happen to turn to
stone!

- Your momma's so ugly, that when Zeus commanded to 'Release the Kracken!', he was
referring to yo mama.

- Your could say that Your momma is as ugly as a Grimlock, but that would be an insult to
Grimlocks!

- What's the difference between a troll and Your momma? One's a stinking ugly monster,
and the other is a troll!

You Stink
- OMG. And I thought troglodytes smelt bad!
- Your magic is as bad as your breath!
- Your Breath would put an Otyugh off it's breakfast!
- What smells worse than a goblin? Oh yeah, you!
- You smell like the armpit of an unshaven bog hag!
- Phew! Have you just cast stinking cloud or do you always smell like that!
- What's that smell? I thought breath weapons were suppose to come out of your mouth!
- Do you know what is the difference between you and a troglodyte? I am seriously asking
here because you both smell so bad that no one can get close enough to tell the
difference.
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You’re An Idiot
- Well… I have met sharper loaves of bread!
- Somewhere, Your depriving a village of it's idiot!
- You're like a trained ape, only, without the training!
- If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive!
- If your brain exploded, it wouldn't even mess up your hair!
- Are you always stupid, or are you making a special effort today!
- You're not a complete idiot...Some of your brains are, obviously missing!
- It gives me a headache just, trying to think down to your level!
- You can’t use up Stupidity. The more you use, the more you have.
- I was thinking of casting feeblemind, but I doubt it would work on you!
- You are the poo that (insert) poops out, after (Insert) eats too much stupidly!
- You do know the pointy end is suppose to go in the other guy, right!
- You're so stupid, if an Illithid tried to eat your brain, it would starve to death!
- I was going to cast detect thoughts, but I don't think I'm going to find anything up there!
- I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you if have anywhere to put it!

You’re Ugly
- You're so ugly you make mirrors gag
- You're the reason why baby gnomes cry!
- I find thy face apelike and thy form misshapen.
- Hey, have you ever been mistaken for a (insert)
- You look like a scab on a troll's butt!
- Your face would put an Otyugh off it's breakfast!
- You look like the armpit of an unshaven bog hag!
- Even Evard's black tentacles wouldn't touch something as gross as you!
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- Some day you'll meet a Doppelganger of yourself and be disappointed!
- Could you go get your husband, I don't like fighting ugly women!
- No loot is worth taking, if I have to look at you!
- There is no beauty in a Beholder's eye in which you are attractive!
- Quick grab some fire...no wait, it's ok, it's not an actual troll!
- Your ugly face makes a good argument why raising the dead is bad!
- No wonder you're hiding behind cover, I'd hide too with a face like that!
- Animal friendship was the only way your parents could get puppies to play with you!
- Ugh. What the hell is that all over your face? Oh...its just your face!
- Tell me, did you run away from your parents, or did they run away from you!
- What are you going to do for a face when the monkey wants his arse back?
- I could say you're as ugly as an ogre, but that would be an insult to ogres!
- I wish I still had that blindness spell, then I wouldn't have to endure that face anymore!
- Would you like me to remove that curse? Oh my mistake, you were just born that way!
- I would try to insult your father, but you were probably mistaken for a half orc, and
disowned!

- Are you a half orc crossed with a pig? No wait, there are some things a pig wouldn't do!
- By looking at you, now I know what you get when you scrape out the bottom of the
barrel!

- Do you have a pen? Well you'd better get back to it before the farmer knows you are
missing!

- You know you're very lucky to be born beautiful, unlike me, who was born to be a big
liar!

- We're you once hit by a elf's acid arrow? Or have you always looked like a half eaten
marrow!

- I was wondering what you’re, you're fat enough to be an ogre, but I've never seen an
ogre THAT ugly before!

- Do you know what is the difference between you and a troglodyte? I am seriously asking
here because you both are so ugly that I can’t tell the difference.
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- Wait, so you're the manifestation of a divine being of supreme power and malevolence,
and you chose that face? Do they even have mirrors on your plane of existence!
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Inspirational Quotes
How you effect other people:
- We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone. - By the talented lore Bard
actor Ronald Reagan

- If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else. - By the great lore Bard Booker T.
Washington

- To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart. - By the famous
lore Bard Anna Eleanor Roosevelt

- How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve
the world. - By the famous Rouge Anne Frank

- You alone cannot change the world, but you can cast a stone across the water to create
many ripples. - By the great Cleric Mother Teresa

- I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but
people will never forget how you made them feel. - By the epic poet Bard Maya Angelou

How you feel:

- Change your thoughts and you change your world. - By the great lore Bard writer
Norman Vincent Peale

- Everything has beauty, but not everyone can see. - By the famous Monk Confucius
- What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality. - By the great lore Bard writer Lucius
Plutarchus

- I would rather die of passion than of boredom. - By the grand Bard writer Émile Zola
- A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new. - By the famous Wizard
Albert Einstein

- Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear. - By the lordly Fighter
George Addair

- Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.- By The famous
Lore Bard Anna Eleanor Roosevelt

- Certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture the heart. - By
Anonymous

- The only way to do great work is to love what you do. - By the epic Wizard Steve Jobs
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- You can’t use up (Insert). The more you use, the more you have. - By the epic lore Bard
poet Maya Angelou

- Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. - By the grand Cleric
Charles R. Swindoll

- Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. - By
the epic Monk the Dalai Lama

- If you’re offered a seat on a airship, don’t ask where’s it going! Just get on. - By the
graceful lore Bard Sheryl Sandberg

- The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. - By the
awesome Fighter Ralph Waldo Emerson

- Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears. - By the regal
glamor Bard Leslie Calvin "Les" Brown

- Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant. - By the
honourable valor Bard Robert Louis Stevenson

- I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear. -
By the the great Fighter Rosa Louise McCauley Parks

- The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any. -
By the brilliant Bard Writer Alice Walker

- A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty. - By
the magnificent Fighter Ziad K. Abdelnour

- We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when
people are afraid of the light. - By the powerful Paladin Plato

- A person is a success if they get up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in
between does what they want to do. - By the all powerful and epic glamour Bard Bob
Dylan

- If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you
don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough. - By the all mighty and gracious glamour
Bard Oprah Winfrey

- When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the
closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. - By the epic lore
Bard Helen Adams Keller

- When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life.
When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote
down “happy”. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they
didn’t understand life. - By the all exalted and awesome Glamour Bard John Lennon
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You can do it:
- Nothing will work unless you do. - By the epic lore Bard poet Maya Angelou
- Believe you can and you’re halfway there. - By the happy Fighter Theodore Roosevelt
- Nothing is impossible, The word “possible” is in it! - By the beautiful glamour Bard Actor
Audrey Hepburn

- Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right. - By the brilliant Paladin
Henry Ford

- Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value. - By the famous Wizard Albert
Einstein

- Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence. - By the
fierce Fighter Vince Lombardi

- You’re not a product of your circumstances. You’re a product of your decisions. - By the
great glamour Bard Stephen R. Covey

- Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs. - By the great
glamour Bard Farrah Gray

- The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. - By the
powerful Sorceress Amelia Earhart

- It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light. - By the powerful
Paladin Aristotle

- The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you. - By the epic
Bard writer Ayn Rand

- Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities
become limitless. - By the great Bard illusionist Jamie Paolinetti

- Whatever you set your mind too, if you can conceive and believe in it, you can achieve
it. - By the brilliant Bard writer Napoleon Hill

- You can’t change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust the sails to always reach
your destination. - By the gallantly talented glamour Bard Jimmy Ray Dean

- When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airships takes off
against the wind, not with it. - By the brilliant Paladin Henry Ford

- If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot (Insert),” then by all means (Insert) and
that voice will be silenced. - By the illustrious Bard painter Vincent Van Gogh
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- Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do
than by the ones you did do, raise the anchor, sail away from safe harbor, catch the
trade winds in your sails. Explore, Dream, Discover. - By Samuel Langhorne Clemens,
better known by his Bard quill name Mark Twain

- I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my Life. I’ve lost almost 300 times. 26 I’ve been
trusted to take the final shot and I’ve missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in
my life. And that is why you must succeed.- By the awesome Paladin Michael Jordan

Disclaimer; I (Steven Ray Swansbra) the creator of the “Jestocon” have not created any of
the material that is written in the “Jestocon”, I do not claim copyright or ownership of the
material that is written in the “Jestocon” I have found everything written in the “Jestocon”
on the internet on numerous websites and website forums. I’ve typed, compiled and sorted
all the material out into a more easy way to find the best thing to say at the right time when
playing magical fantasy role-playing games. I’m not making any money off this I do not
want to be making money off. I just I love role-playing in games, I hope you enjoy it.