PLANNING HOW TO MAKE

FAMILY MEMBERS FIRMER AND

GENTLER WITH EACH OTHER
MODULE 6
•In this lesson, you will explore how to
build a firmer and gentler family. First, re-
examine the heritage or legacy of your
family so you will know what to keep or
not.
 FAMILY LEGACIES
• A spiritual, emotional, and social legacy is like a three-strand cord.
Individually, each strand cannot hold much weight. But wrapped together,
they are strong. That's why passing on a positive, affirming legacy is so
important and why a negative legacy can be destructive.
• The good news is that you can decide to continue to pass a positive
legacy on to your future children whether you have received one or not.
• It is important to remember that passing on a spiritual, emotional, and
social legacy is a process, not an event.
Emotional Legacy is fostering a sense of security and
stability nurtured in an environment of safety and love.
This legacy is creating an atmosphere that provides a
child's fragile spirit with the nourishment and support
needed for healthy emotional growth. It requires time
and consistency to develop a sense of emotional
wholeness, but the rewards are great.
•Social Legacy is teaching the family
the fine art of relating to people. If a
person learns how to relate well with
others, he or she will have an edge in
the game of life.
•Spiritual Legacy as we are spiritual
beings, we should adopt attitudes
and beliefs about spiritual matters
from one source or another.
• Now, which characteristics would you like to keep or build into your family?
• You probably have things you have received that are wonderful and need to
be kept and passed on.
• Other things may need to be thrown out. Whatever you have received, you
can now intentionally pass along the good.
• This isn't always easy. If you saw hypocrisy in your parents' lives, you may
be tempted to throw everything out even though much of what your parents
modeled were good.
• Realize that there is a being who can redeem even the "bad
stuff". Unfortunately, many of us have parts of our legacy that are
weak or even awful. Maybe one of your parents was an alcoholic
or abusive or didn't provide the nurturing you needed. In today's
society, the stories of such families are common. You may be
asking, "How do I give something I didn't receive? Nobody
modeled this stuff to me."
• Hope is not lost. Consider the story of Josiah from the
Old Testament in the Bible. His father and grandfather
were involved in many wicked things, including idol
worship that threatened the entire nation. But after 8-
year-old Josiah became king of Judah, he reversed that
trend. He sought God and chose to do what is right.
 PARENTING STYLES
• One factor also that makes a family firm or gentle is how the parents lead and
form their children. As you go through the next section, rediscover how this
model affects you and will guide you to contribute to the well-being of your
family.

• Diana Blumberg Baumrind was a clinical and developmental psychologist

known for her research on parenting styles and her critique of the use of
deception in psychological research. According to Diana Baumrind, four
parenting styles influence children's development based on two aspects of
parenting behavior: control and warmth.
• Control Parental refers to how parents manage their
children’s behavior which may range from overly -
demanding to give hardly any rules or demands.
• Parental Warmth refers to whether parents are accepting
and responsive or rejecting and unresponsive to their
children.
 THE FOUR TYPES OF PARENTING

• Authoritarian. Parents tend to express little affection and

warmth to their children. They believe that children “should”
follow these rules without questioning. The downside of this
style is children are not encouraged to express themselves.
And if not addressed, children will likely become unsociable,
unfriendly, rebellious, or dependent
• Permissive. Parents are warm; however, they set no
clear rules for their children. Thus, when they reach
adolescence, they realize that there are no clear
boundaries and there will be no consequences for their
actions. As a result, adolescents may have problems
with their future relationships.
• Authoritative. Parents are firm and warm and set limits with
their children. They explain and reason to their children which
helps clarify the rules with them. They actively listen to their
children, allow questions from them and entertain ideas from
them. Children with authoritative parents become competent,
cooperative, likable, and autonomous. This type of parenting is
considered to balance parenting.
 WAYS OF IMPROVING FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

1. Communicate
• It is an important component in any relationship. Talking with each other
whether about trivial things or serious decisions can help improve
relationships.
• Sharing what happened during the day, what food they ate, what they learned
at school, etc.
• Adolescents can also become involved even in solving problems, so all
members will know that they are part of the family and their ideas are
respected.
 2. TO APPRECIATE

• It cannot be denied that the need to be appreciated is

fundamental to all. When family members are
appreciated, their self-esteem is enhanced. Appreciation
also promotes healthier relationships because it
establishes a more positive home environment.
Appreciation is enhanced by hugs, kisses, and thoughtful
actions like simple "thank you" notes.
3. SHARE ACTIVITIES

•No matter how busy family members are, it is

important to schedule a shared activity like
watching movies, hiking, bowling, or even as
simple as sharing a meal. These enhance
cohesiveness in the family and fosters a sense
of belongingness.
4. BE COMMITTED

• The well-being of the family is considered to

be the top priority. Members are committed
and loyal to the values and rules implicitly
or explicitly set by them to keep the family
together.
5. SHOW SUPPORT TO EACH OTHER

• There will be times that families will experience

difficulties, challenging the cohesion of the group.
However, if members can extend support to each
other, chances are that they will be able to
overcome the problems.
6. ACCEPT EACH MEMBER AS HE/SHE IS

• Being part of a group and maintaining the

relationship can be a difficult task but
learning and understanding the differences
among each member can help foster a
healthy connection.