Hii my almost lover, Usama Ahmed…

Happy new year, meri jaan…

First of all, I am so happy that you going back to your homeland and spend new year with your
family in Pakistan. And actually, I don’t know what to say, but I just trying to write anything that
comes into my mind. I write this paper at 3.13 pm my time on the last day of 2022. I don’t even
know am I brave enough to send this document to you. I have an idea to write all of this word after
scrolling our past conversation, and as always, that feeling always the same. How I feel so grateful,
I feel so happy to meet you, I am so happy that you being a part of my journey in 2022 even though
by virtual setting.
Ahmed, I want to say that I feel so bad for you after I saying that I can’t going to Pakistan right
now. I know that you have a great plan and you have preparing anything for us. But just so you
know, I really don’t ready for that. You know that I didn’t completed my study yet, I financially
unstable yet, and last night I was talk to my Momm about you and tell her that actually I want to
meet you and your family in Pakistan, not only my Father or just for vacation. And my Momm tell
me that if I go right now, it’s mean I leave my responsibility here, and I have to going back as soon
as possible to Indonesia. More ever, if I want to meet your family, I can’t go there with nothing in
my hand so I should prepare so many other things.
I know that it will never work if we just stay in virtual, but I hope you can wait for me, just one
year left. Because after graduated I’ll got free and I can going anywhere I want. You know how
actually I feel when you said that you going to find someone new in your country, its so much pain
to hear that, how can I feel strong to see you with somebody else? But yea, what can I do, I can do
nothing, it’s your life and I can’t torturing you to always waiting for me. Just so you know, I didn’t
mean to reject what are you trying to do with me, I just not ready for everything, babe. I also have
plans and I really want to meet you in the right time in a good condition. Maybe now we are apart,
we are so far, but just trust one day we will meet and it’s a long time meet, Ahmed. I hope you can
understand what I am trying to explain.
2022 is so much better with you, I learn a lot of thing with you, I feel so many good feelings with
you, I really hope it will never change in real life. I realize that I did so many mistakes to you, I’ve
did the wrong things to you, sometimes I hurt you, but here we are, what I saw is you always be
there no matter what. I don’t know am I could going through in this year without you, all I know
is I am so lucky to meet you.
I don’t expect you to reply this, but I hope you read what I write here. I am so sorry if I teasing
you a lot, I always said that I’ll going to Qatar for magister and bla bla bla, no, babe, big NO. If I
have a chance to move abroad, and that chance always gonna be you, it will always about you.
Don’t worry, I’ll try to live in Dubai like what you always said, even then if you still waiting for
my arrival, hehehe…
I am so sorry if I am not good enough for you, I am so sorry if I didn’t fulfill all your wishes, I am
so sorry if I am not there when you needed me.
And in the end of this paragraph, I hope you will still be with me in 2023, create the stories that
leave digital footprints and create beautiful encounters in the next year for real life. I wish you
always be lucky in 2023, fiamanillah my almost lover<3