often ask their husbands, Is something bothering you, Honey?

(These
supersensitive women accuse their husbands of being so insensitive to
emotions that they wouldnt notice anything is wrong until their neckties are
drenched in her tears.)
The attorney and the assistant then review your score on the dozens of
subconscious signals you flashed. Depending on their tally, you could find
yourself on jury duty or twiddling your thumbs back in the jurors waiting
room.
Trial lawyers are so conscious of body language that, in the 1960s during
the famous trial of the Chicago Seven, defense attoney William Kuntsler
actually made a legal objection to Judge Julius Hoffmans posture. During the
summation by the prosection, Judge Hoffman leaned forward, which, accused
Kuntsler, sent a message to the jury of attention and interest. During his
defense summation, complained Kuntsler, Judge Hoffman leaned back,
sending the jury a subliminal message of disinterest.
Youre on Trialand You Only Have Ten Seconds
Like attorneys deciding whether they want you on their case, everybody
you meet makes a subconscious judgment on whether they want you in their
lives. They base their verdict greatly on the same signals, your body-
language answer to their unspoken quetion, Well, how do you like me so far?
How to Win Their Heart by Responding to Their Inner Infant 23
The first few moments of your reactions set the stage upon which the
entire relationship will be played out. If you ever want anything from the new
acquaintance, your unspoken answer to their unspoken question, How do you
like me so far? must be, Wow! I really like you.
When a little four year old feels bashful, he slumps, puts his arms up in
front of his chest, steps back, and hides behind Mommys skirt. However,
when little Johnny sees Daddy come home, he runs up to him, he smiles, his
eyes get wide, and he opens his arms for a hug. A loving childs body is like a
tiny flower bud unfolding to the sunshine.
Twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years of life on earth make little diference.
When forty-year-old Johnny is feeling timid, he slumps and folds his arms in
front of his chest. When he wants to reject a salesman or business colleague,
he turns away and closes him off with a myriad of body signals. However,
when welcoming his loved one home after an absence, big Johnny opens his
body to her like a giant daffodil spreading its petals to the sun after a
rainstorm.
 Treat People Like Big Babies
Once I was at a corporate star-studded party with an attractive, recently
divorced friend of mine. Carla had been a copywriter with one of the leading
advertising agencies which, like so many companies then, had downsized.
My girlfriend was both out of work and out of a relationship.
At this particular party, the pickings for Carla were good, both personally
and professionally. Several times as Carla and I stood talking, one good-
looking corporate male beast or another would find himself within a few feet
of us. More often than not, one of these desirable males would flash his teeth
at Carla. She sometimes graced the tentatively courting male with a quick
smile over her shoulder. But then shed turn back to our mundane conversation
as though she were hanging on my every word. I knew she was trying not
to look anxious, but inside Carla was crying out, Why doesnt he come speak
to us?
Right after one prize corporate Big Cat smiled but, because of Carlas
minimal reaction, wandered back into the social jungle, I had to say, Carla,
do you know who that was? Hes the head of the Young & Rubicam in Paris.
Theyre looking for copywriters willing to relocate. And hes single! Carla
moaned.
Just then we heard a little voice down by Carlas left knee. Hello! We
looked down simultaneously. Little five-year-old Willie, the hostesss
adorable young son, was tugging on Carlas skirt, obviously craving attention.
Well, well, well, Carla cried out, a big smile erupting all over her face.
Carla turned toward him. Carla kneeled down, touched little Willies elbow,
and crooned, Well, hello there, Willie. How are you enjoying Mommys nice
party?
Little Willie beamed.
When little Willie finally trundled off to tug on the garments of the next
group of potential attention givers, Carla and I returned to our grown-up
conversing. During our chat, corporate beasts continued to stalk Carla with
their eyes and she continued casting half smiles at them. She was obviously
disappointed none of them was making a further approach. I had to bite my
tongue. Finally, when I felt it was going to bleed from the pressure of my
teeth, I said, Carla, have you been noticing that four or five men have come
over and smiled at you.
Yes, Carla whispered, her eyes darting nervously around the room lest
anyone overhear us.
 And youve been giving them little half smiles, I continued. Yes, she
murmured, now confused at my question. Remember when little Willie came
up and tugged on your
skirt? Do you recall how you smiled that beautiful big smile of yours,
turned toward him, and welcomed him into our grown-up conversation?
How to Win Their Heart by Responding to Their Inner Infant 25
Yee-es, she answered haltingly.
Well, I have a request, Carla. I want you to give the next man who smiles
at you that same big smile you gave Willie. I want you to turn toward him just
like you did then. Maybe even reach out and touch his arm like you did
Willies, and then welcome him into our conversation.
Oh Leil, I couldnt do that.
Carla, do it! Sure enough, within a few minutes, another attractive man
wandered our way and smiled. Carla played her role to perfection. She
flashed her beautiful teeth, turned fully toward him, and said, Hello, come
join us. He wasted no time acceping Carlas invitation.
After a few moments, I excused myself. Neither noticed my departure
because they were in animated conversation. The last glimpse I had of my
friend at the party was her floating out the door on the arm of her new friend.
Just then the technique I call The Big-Baby Pivot was born. It is a skill
that will help you win whatever your heart desires from whatever type of
beasts you encounter in the social or corporate jungle.
Technique #5
The Big-Baby Pivot
Give everyone you meet The Big-Baby Pivot. The instant the two of you
are introduced, reward your new acquaintance. Give the warm smile, the
total-body turn, and the undivided attention you would give a tiny tyke who
crawled up to your feet, turned a precious face up to yours, and beamed a big
toothless grin. Pivoting 100 percent toward the new person shouts I think you
are very, very special.
Remember, buried deep inside everyone is a big baby who is rattling the
crib, wailing out for recognition of how very special he or she is.
The following technique reinforces the big babys suspicion that he or she
is, indeed, the center of the universe.
How to Make Someone Feel Like an Old Friend at Once
A very wise man with the funny name of Zigonce told me, Peple dont
care how much you know until they know how much you care . . . about them.
Zig Ziglar is right. The secret to maing people like you is showing how much
you like them!
Your body is a twenty-four-hour broadcasting station reveaing to anyone
within eyeshot precisely how you feel at any given moment. Even if your
Hang by Your Teeth posture is gaining their respect, your Flooding Smile and
The Big-Baby Pivot are making them feel special, and your Sticky Eyes are
capturing their hearts and minds, the rest of your body can reveal any
incongruence. Every inchfrom the crinkle of your forehead to the position of
your feetmust give a command performance if you want to effectively present
an I care about you attitude.
Unfortunately, when meeting someone, our brains are in ovedrive.
Remember Shakespeares Julius Caesar? He said of Cassius, he has a lean
and hungry look . . . he thinks too much . . . such men are dangerous. So it is
with our brains when conversing with a new acquaintance. Our brains
become lean. (Some of us are fighting off shyness. Others are frantically
sizing up the situation.) And hungry. (Were deciding what, if anything, we
want from this potential relationship.) So we think too much instead of
responding with candid, unself-conscious friendliness. Such actions are
dangerous to impending friendship, love, or commerce.
When our bodies are shooting off ten thousand bullets of stimuli every
second, a few shots are apt to misfire and reveal shness or hidden hostility.
We need a technique to ensure every shot aims right at the heart of our
subject. We need to trick our boies into reacting perfectly.
To find it, lets explore the only time we dont need to worry about any
shyness or negativity slipping out through our body laguage. Its when we feel
none. That happens when were chatting with close friends. When we see
someone we love or feel copletely comfortable with, we respond warmly
from head to toe without a thought. Our lips part happily. We step closer. Our
arms reach out. Our eyes become soft and wide. Even our palms turn up and
our bodies turn fully toward our dear friend.
How to Trick Your Body into Doing Everything Right
Heres a visualization technique that accomplishes all that. It guaantees
that everyone you encounter will feel your warmth. I call it Hello Old Friend.
When meeting someone, play a mental trick on yourself. In your minds
eye, see him or her as an old friend, someone you had a wonderful
relationship with years ago. But somehow you lost track of your friend. You
tried so hard to find your good buddy, but there was no listing in the phone
book. No information online. None of your mutual friends had a clue.
Suddenly, WOW! What a surprise! After all those years, the two of you
are reunited. You are so happy.
Thats where the pretending stops. Obviously, you are not going to try to
convince the new person that the two of you are really old friends. You are
not going to hug and kiss and say, Great to see you again! or How have you
been all these years? You
How to Make Someone Feel Like an Old Friend at Once 29
merely say, Hello, How do you do, I am pleased to meet you. But, inside,
its a very different story.
You will amaze yourself. The delight of rediscovery fills your face and
buoys up your body language. I sometimes jokingly say if you were a light,
youd beam on the other person. If you were a dog, youd be wagging your tail.
You make this new person feel very special indeed.
In my seminars, I first have people introduce themselves to another
participant before theyve learned the Hello Old Friend technique. The group
chats as though at a pleasant semiformal gathering. Later I ask them to
introduce themselves to another stranger, imagining they are old friends. The
difference is extraodinary. When theyre using Hello Old Friend, the room
comes alive. The atmosphere is charged with good feeling. The air sparkles
with happier, high-energy people. They are standing closer, laughing more
sincerely, and reaching out to one another. I feel like Im attending a terrific
bash thats been going on for hours.
Technique #6
Hello Old Friend
When meeting someone, imagine he or she is an old friend (an old
customer, an old beloved, or someone else you had great affection for). How
sad, the vicisitudes of life tore you two asunder. But, holy macerel, now the
party (the meeting, the convention) has reunited you with your long-lost old
friend!
The joyful experience starts a remarkable chain reaction in your body
from the subconscious softening of your eyebrows to the positioning of your
toesand everything between.
Not a Word Need Be Spoken
The Hello Old Friend technique even supersedes language. Wheever
youre traveling in countries where you dont speak the native tongue, be sure