Trailblazing 12 borders, under the fog of bugs

Summary:
chapter 1) I'm doing this it's time
chapter 2) I can't believe this
chapter 3) So much fun so much beauty chapter 4) scariest time now breaking chapter 5)
getting to know the world'
and creatures
chapter 6) Just enjoying the moment chapter 7) Covid-19 restriction in Airport flying bus train
Chapter 8) New countries to visit
Chapter 9) Finland and england
Chapter10) London
Chapter11) Final chapter

Quick introduction: I want to dedicate this book to all the people who have dreamed that one
day they would go and explore the world. I also want to thank everybody along the way in the
company but I have supported us and the followers guide is for any single mothers single parent
that wants to travel the world in their 40s.
Chapter one I'm doing this it's time

I waited years to pursue this dream. When I was 20 I always said I would travel the world. I saw
myself in places like China, Japan , Costa Rica, Australia exotic island Hawaii, tiny little Island
or Tahiti, Jamaica, Peru, Chile, Indonesia, etc... Exploring some unknown territory, like India or
Vietnam, or even Morocco nothing could stop me I was an energetic bull on fire, and I wanted to
see it all, see everything there's was to see and know everything there was no time to be
wasted so I needed to get started right away.i imagine scrolling the beaches wearing my little
sandals and red or black dress, swimming for miles near the shores, wearing my biggest and
classiest sunglasses and showing off my tattoos with a super modern one bathing suit and
smelling the exotic flowers along my match to freedom. Dancing with the perfect stranger by tiki
bar on the water and fishing near little ports, learning everything about them and the life of the
people here. Riding in various size of boats or kayaking, jets sky or parasailing on less windy
days, eating crab cake and lobsters and shrimp cocktail daily like a ritual, walking in high-end
charity gala and trying out there little canape or bubbly, mousse or caviars, mmm so delicious
having unlimited seafood dip, tuna dip, crab dip with crusty but fresh toasted bagels or pita
chips, mini toats or baguettes. Getting lost in the crowd and keep absorbing the marvelous taste
of a $40 bottle of wine. Have you ever tried brownies, cupcakes or cheesecake from a true chef!
It's to die for pecan pie, apple pies or hors d oeuvre? OMG I miss this, I got to say coming from
a French background leaves your taste buds wanting more. I used to eat tarama, pate, rillette,
frog legs, caviar, snails,of all kinds regularly and now I'll get this once a year if I can find it. My
mother isn't a heartwarming person but she can cook anything she has a real talent for, I'm not
sure how she learned from but she always piles up new recipes from all over the world and she
never gets tired of it. I couldn't cook like this, I can cook but nothing that requires difficult
recipes. Everyone in my upbringing childhood could cook four course meals and we ate like this
all the time unless we were having a picnic or on the go or at sports events etc. If they were one
or two parents that didn't cook for their children it was seen as a disgrace and a lower class.
Didn't you want to win these cruises or game show vacations you see on TV? Who didn't, about
the radio station ones! I always try to call in to win them or some tickets, for years I listen to
radio on my alarm clock radio or when I had my car at 17, or my walkman radio if I had one at
the time but mainly it was my alarm clock radio that woke me up to go to school and put me to
sleep at night, I spend probably from age 11 to 19 listening to it and in weekend sometime I
follow ling hours talks, prank calls, contests, open mic poetry or singing dares or just listen to my
favorite stations FM Radio, NRJ, Nostaly, some psychology talks and 93.00 and the special
shows for teens that were always on a solid schedule. Sometimes they'll have 20 callers
spending 5 minutes with each. It was entertaining for sure. Anyways I will get overly excited just
thinking about winning a vacation!!! Like the Maldives, Bali, Thailand, Jamaica, la reunion or
anywhere really!! So I'll listen for clues and call and stay for hours in the line hoping I'll win. I
never did but this excitement was fun and I actually did win a few things over the years like tee-
shirts, posters and concert events once. About the money prizes?? These were the most
interesting ones, they still have them where you can win up to $1000 each week there is a new
winner. Anyways trading to places was in the family blood and adventures were my calling of
course some people are more satisfied with staying still and take it easy and it's ok if that's their
calling. I had friends that never went anywhere and there parents were super strict and this only
time she'll go somewhere was if my mother was begging their parents , we ll take her for fifteen
years to places and even amusement parks often, today we have no more attachment, we were
best friends from age 3 to 19 and I visited her three times after I moved to USA, at age 22, 24
and 26 and she wasn't the same person and her boyfriend put her against me and she never
spoke to me ever since after what he said to her, I tried to email her a few times after almost ten
years had passed trying to recandle our lost relationship but she had became condescending
and cold, she kept other childhood friends we had in her life but eliminated me like I was never
part of this earth, it was hard for me for over ten years I prayed and wanted to recandle our
friendship but later I realize she didn't feel the same way and I was sorry I wasted my time
hoping we could maintain our memories and friendship, she was a depress and unhappy
soul ,non forgiver and a weak human that needed to feel superior somehow to be my friend, I
fell sorry for her and I let it go, same for others in the same group, I tried for a few years and I
never heard back from anyone but a few other old friends I wasn't very close with, they just
erased me out of this earth with no regret, it does hurt when people you had been closed
too ,you entire childhood do this but it's life, they had their reasons and you have to leave it at
that, if you care for them it's ok to let them go and wish them the best for some of them I did
this, I appreciated our years and wish them the best. I had another friend who his family were
super cheap and for almost 18 years they suck up on my families money for their kids free trips
to expensive restaurants, amusement parks, weekend trips and camps and vacations for the
summer they even find ways to make my parent pay for their sports or managed to get free
transportations, they'll give you a nice gift or two twice a year and call it even but they didn't
count the numerous gifts we give them and free food, free babysitting tutoring ect... They were
true sociopaths who always thought they were better than anyone else and just used people for
their own gain. The father was too quiet to not hide something and too nice to not be a fake. I
guess we'll never know. I won't expand because you never know how crazy someone could be
and then try to get some revenge, that's how it works for them, they always in deny of wrong
doing and pretend to be wonderful and everyone else is the rat, anyways for years we actually
like them and share many parties with them, birthday occasions and this only time they'll invite
me in a vacation I had to cook my food, wash my dishes and take outdoor shower in a cheap
campsite and every gift I receive came from the 50 cens market store or dollar stores, they LL
break fast, I didn't say anything because the mom will break you ears otherwise, she never stop
talking and she was always right just like the son, if you disagreed they will argue for hours and
call you out name or make fun of you, what a friend I had, put drugs on my backpacks when we
flew to camps, told his parents I bought the drugs they find in his school bag, took picture of me
when wasted or hath naked so he could sell them to a pervert that was obsessed with me,
broke my stuff quiet often, always take credit for things I did and work for, sold my picture to a
pervert guys for money, bullied my new friends I brought to the village, steal my car when I'm
drunk and abandon me and that is not the worse, a shitty crappy friend that lies for convenience
to our friends circle to cause dramas, yelled and cussed at me when I flew oversea and calling
him without a warning because it took some of his phone plan minutes, put me down when I
struggle and set me up on occasion to make me look bad, once he told a friend he'll drive me
back for a important dinner when I visited France after five years of being gone, and he never
drove me back and she and her mother got angry at me thinking I did this in purpose and was
rude that started a fusion, then he told me about a new years eve party but when I try to get a
ticket it suddenly it wasn't possible, for my parties organize for me he will arrive two hour late,
force me to smoke hashish and ruin the moment for me and everyone and did the same for my
very first big party a friend organized for me when I was 20 and I was so sick and stone, I was
depressed the whole time and couldn't speak or have fun because the drug and the stress and
this apprehension made me scared and out of it. Anyways this guy was too jealous of all the
attentions I was getting, and how much people like me and ask about me so he slowly tried to
steal the spotlight and destroy me little by little, I spend hours listening to his nagging and
negativity, and anger outburst, he'll be the sweet fun guy in parties but in real life he was a shitty
bully and I was the true kind, sweet and patience patiente one, cheering people up, a little after
I turn 26 I barely ever saw him again, I tried to send a email for occasions but again he was just
a piece of shit toward me, condescending ungrateful of a friend so I'll just block him, we had our
fun years, we were very tight for a while and have a long sheet of years of laughing hysterically
over little things but he wasn't a easy person to please and often would get mad for no reason
and I was basically just doing everything he didn't want to do and getting him whatever he
needed. As long as I brought him stuff he wanted and waited for mister prince to be ready I was
ok. Poor guy, he lived a lie for twenty years in his mind and with his family and entire existence.
Things like this catch up to you, if you spend a lifetime hurting others to please yourself and
your moods that no paradise to me, and I was so kind back then that I never said a bad word
about him but after been toss out in the dirt pot and put down and abandon like dirty socks I
don't care anymore.
I was born a traveler when I was in the womb and then in my toddler years, and teen years I
was lucky to be born in this world of travel that initiated my passion for explorations and cultural
learning. I would do anything to get moving anywhere at any time. This is a reason why I got
along with most people from being exposed to different cultures and countries at a young age it
made it normal to understand and learn from our differences, making new connections was very
easy and I loved hearing smart guys or women's going on about their life philosophy thoughts
for hours it was what makes the world go round. My phone rang day and night and nonstop on
weekends. If I was home, my siblings would get mad at me for having to be called all the time.
Being able to spend my winter or Springs yearly in Virgin island, St Thomas was a true gift and
not everyone had that chance, not only we would split between our countryside house in France
for Easter in the creuset a few hours from limoge or St Thomas virgin island and keep the
summer for our camps or desired trips like we did; Amsterdam, Greece, Tunisia, all Europe and
more. When I reach 20 I had went on to at least 15 vacation destinations without family, I was
getting tired of the long road trips all squeezed up in our minivans, sharing everything and never
had any privacy, I loved our picnics by lacs or the beaches and family dinner at our grandma
and aunt or uncle or our celebrations but I think at 20 I needed a little independence and started
to want out of the family nest, witch I stayed in for a long time. I went to England, Great Britain,
ostrich, Switzerland, Portugal, Pas de la Case, Tunisia, Malaga, Spain on my own and a few
other places and not counting our summer camps in the south of France which were lots of fun.
I even went to Monaco, entered the palace and saw the car race there with an ex. We did St
Thomas for at least 15 years before the storm hit and destroyed this island I then went back at
19 when they rebuild it and never again, when I attempt too I was rebutted by the cost of stays
there so the closest I could get was Puerto Rico and it wasn't very far from it and almost has
nice but it was familiar like st Thomas was. I never saw Asia, Japan or Vietnam or the Phillips
es, Chile, Argentina, Brazil, Jamaica and Haiti, Peru or Nepal. I still had so much to see. I spend
years trapped with my old traumas walking in my little ling road alone hoping to be understood
one day but it was so much of the waste of my time, if I had got the help sooner to heal I would
have been able to see that I could have heal faster and don't stay stuck in the past like I did, I
didn't learned about boundaries for a long time and I wasn't aware that I had grew up in a
manipulative and abusive household because we always had everything we needed and I had
friends , hobbies, sports and vacations to look for so it was hard for me to see and I couldn't see
the bad in people so I often stayed in bad relationships not knowing. Every since I was 13 I was
going on buses or train alone and sometime with girlfriends, hitchhiking, being approach by
older men's often, at 15 I lost my virginity to a 20 year old that was abusive and it is how my sex
life started, like sex was part of my life and I thought it was all on me and what I wanted but I
was so young and noone was telling me I shouldn't date that much or have multiple sexual
relationships partners so even when someone was being physically pushy I thought I could
handle it, acting like I could handle anything on top of my 16 years of age. At 16 I already dated
50 mens and guys up to 20 and when I reached 18 the mens could be as old as 30. Sometimes
at 20 I had dated over 250 mens. With my family we went to Amsterdam, all over the USA, the
Grand Canyon by helicopter, traversed the Arizona desert, visited the Hollywood studios, St
Thomas all childhood years, and Greece, all over Europe and Belgium and Switzerland. We had
some Germans family members and lately we find out we also have jews descendance witch is
something none of us knew before the home kit heredity tests were done, but now that I think
about it it would make tones of sens and explains while I was also doing so many trades or love
selling on marketplaces or outside or always had no shame asking for changes or cigarettes or
free night club tickets or drinks, bus tickets ect.

Chapter 2) I can't believe all of this!

I want to see Russia, Australia, Japan, the china bridge, South Africa and help poor families or
teach what I have to offer. Go see Iran, Fuji, Brazil, Hawaii. Pakistan, Peru, Chile, Polynesia,
Japan, Asia, Ukraine when it's better, all these places I have never been but if I never do then I
will travel using VR gaming devices or travel game tour apps or watch more documentaries and
learn their cultures through distance. I don't need to be somewhere to know about them and
start learning, I used to be so stuck on the need to be on soil to start discovering. It's not true
and I have come across lots of these countries' citizens in my lifetime so I already knew a lot of
them and their cultures but I had forgotten from years of dealing with undelt traumas and
drinking.
I remember feeling so small when I wanted to see Hawaii, that wasn't even far from us in Florida
but never had enough to afford the round trip flights tickets, feeling like I ll never see Australia in
my life like it's just a far away dream that I have, that I'll spend a lifetime dreaming to see China
and Japan and perhaps maybe in my 60's I will, maybe I'll win a flight ticket, get invited, get that
dream job that pays for my travel costs and business trips and guaranteed me a good year
salary, I heard of theses deals my whole life and always envied the one that receive them so
easily. I'll dream of getting something like this for years and some people get offered this
opportunities more than once in their lives and act like it's nothing, I have tried to get lots of jobs
in my life, go after what I wanted, position myself in a higher place to get there, I believed in
order to make it you'll have to fake it and believe it and aim for it even if you think it's out of your
league, I did that for years and all I got was rejections letters or laughs from people thinking I
was delusional just because I'm courageous enough to aim for better positions doesn't make me
a dreamer but someone that at least try, if you don't try this answer is always no. Each time we
meet someone that came from a long life of travel experience we love to sit out by a fire pit and
listen to them speak all night, listen to the craziest and most hilarious stories that happened to
them. We would drink all night, laugh a lot and sleep in the sand all night, these were good
times!
The best things about traveling back then was this apprehension of it, the slow build up of this
expectation and excitement, most of our traveled places were usually part of a group travel
organizations, school trips, camp club or travel agency and family vacation of course and we
didn't need to plan anything, they would do it for us, once after I came back from my wild trip
three weeks from Tunisia, we would jump in swimming pools at nights, smoke weeds on backs
of camels and sing on the beaches, my friend Vanessa and Amie were so much fun, we sang
Celine Dion for hours and play dress up in our rooms just to get guys to come up to us at the
pool and some of them were playing exorcism board game and things got creepers as they kept
playing, anyways, I kept contact by mail for a year with her and she was a wild person even
more that I was and it turn out that she had died in a car crash while partying or going to one,
she was just 18 and her life was over, I spoke to her dad it was the saddest day of my life. I was
grateful to be alive and this should have stopped me from taking so many risks and being so
wild and adventurous but it didn't, I usually knew when to run when scared, I had no problem
leaving in bad situations. I can't recount the multiples times I end up so wasted vomiting on top
of balcony night clubs and walking home in early morning looking completely destroyed In the
desert of Tunisia in the summer of my 17, I remember watching the sunset listening to the drum
beat all night playing and admiring the horizon that look like a picture perfect painting. I had
meet a Arabic guy that was very romantic, we would escape at night and swim in the desert
swimming pool, dance on the burning sand and just talk about how beautiful the world is, he
wrote me a lots of beautiful poems, we rode camels during the days, then took the bus from
cities to cities and hunt all the markets, eat large meals with the camp group and lay on
hammock by the lanai waiting for the next activities, sometime the beach or little hikes or just
simple things like swimming in their indoor games by the pools, head out to museums or
whatever was planned, game nights, volleyball etc. The temperature was un sustainable at time
I don't know how I did it, when you are young everything seem so cool, the bar by the pool, the
hammocks, the buffets in the morning the visits and people in general, I meet a bunch of guys
during our visits and dated a few and even some from our camps, being popular was a big deal
at 17 and I always tried to be so I'll be invited in the back of the bus.my supervisors weren't too
please seeing guys searching for me, it didn't look good and they had to have a meeting about it
and try to get me out of the camp because of it, everyone voted on my favor and I gotta stay.
One time during a pool party five guys I knew ended up calling me at the same time. I had to
call out some girlfriends to get me out of there and run away. I went up to my room and still
some of the staff tried to stop me but I made it safe and sound after pushing through and locking
myself in. I kept the Arabic guy's address for my pen pal friend and we exchanged romantic
letters for a few years after that. He was always full of surprise and wrote the most beautiful
poems I have seen before. I didn't respect rules back then and loved to break them but to an
extent,but not if it would cause too much problem to anyone, I pay the price later in life for that.
When you are younger dreaming of paradise seems fantastic! So imagining third world
countries that cost a fraction of a cost of regular living cost but keeping the paradise in sight
seem like a great idea, you don't think about all the barriers, problems or pro-diagnostics of it it,
complications to move there, you just think about dreamy paradisiac beaches were you could
be living like a king or queen in paradise with little money.picturing; Summer waves, the cool
breeze on your face, the pina coladas and mojitos, sex on the beach, rhum and pineapples, the
dancers and sexiest clothes you can wear, the nice tan you'll have, the fun and discoveries
you'll experience, all of it seem really paradisiac. We didn't see the dark side of these places, it's
just like if you enjoy eating something for years but someone told you it was made with really
gross ingredients would you still enjoy it as much? Think for a bit? No, probably not. I'll say
things like " One day I'll move there and live in a giant castle with servers and cleaners at my
service and drive my own motor boat to go shopping on this island and drive my jeep to the
beach. I imagine that all of this is possible, living a happy and healthy life with a great man by
my side and a couple of pets and kids. I got inspired to write poetry about these places we got
to visit and then I continued to write after that when I'll be bored in class or on the bus. I like to
describe the peace and joy that comes from being in these places and also the weird things or
people we will meet. Life wasn't always a large box of good chocolates as Gump would say,
there were a few bad ones in the box. I meet some rich and successful dudes in my twenties, I
was young, really pretty and had a pretty good body so the fact that I was also french made this
even better for them, I guess and I was treated like royalty, most of the time and I never was
treated that good in France when I dated, I had the most positive dating experience in America
from age 20 to 27 and a few bad apples who made me have to get restraining orders against
them, a few obsessive compulsive ones and some very aggressive ones, I couldn't get rid of.
but in the pile of good ones I was literally introduced to their families and friends like I was some
kind of gold bar , when I just go out for a drink or two I'll meet the most guys, charming clever
and really good looking guys or just good looking and didn't always go back to their places like I
use too so I was starting to respect my body more, it's too bad my only longer relationships
ended badly and apart from barely three marriage proposals I still never married and I'm going
to turn 42 in two weeks has I'm writing this chapter, on August 12th 2022 precisely. The time
flies and if you spent a few years stuck and reliving your traumas it will go even faster so don't
waste your precious time, and wake up old like I did, I was stuck for so long when I awake from
my unconscious coma I realized I wasn't 26 anymore and in less than a months I adjust my
mind and mentality to get back to my original age not the one I got stuck on, it was really odd I
didn't noticed right away after a few long years of healing but when I came to my final healing
phase that is when I realized that I wasn't acting like a adult and it was time I did and stop acting
like a young brat that needed more appreciation. So get help right away and move on with your
life. I received my first typewriter at 14 and to this day I remember the joy and excitement from
getting it, to me it meant I could write like a real writer does, I could write a full book and it will
look like one , I could actually spend time writing a novel or a manuscript to ship to publishing
companies and I could now write some of my work into ink using the typewriter. It was so
exciting and I had this one for a few years until I got an upgraded one with a correction add on
button so if I made a grammar error it would clean it up and I wouldn't have to waste a page.
Just getting the paper for my typewriter was pure joy, knowing I'll be in my room on the third
floor with my small roof window, smoking, drinking wine on weekends with girlfriends for
inspiration and writing on the weekend and on vacations. I'll need five to six hours alone
sometime to get things going but I didn't quit, this was my mission at the time, trying to write
good poetry books and small relationship books to be accepted for publication. Everything was
measured to the level of your writing level and range style, vocabulary and if your story will sell,
so getting accepted wasn't going to be easy and for everybody in the late 90's, later in the 2010
it seem to be more about money and there was ways to get published through specific places
that weren't really popular in the publishing industry but if you pay the price they will get your
book published, when I figure this out I started to send them my books and even translated
them and waited for a response. I was inspired from baudelaire, jean de la Fontaine, Jules
Verne, Gauthier, Victor Hugo and this french oldies poets until I learned about authors from all
over the world and amateurs that will make you want to pick up piece by piece in their style and
techniques. At a young age we did swimming competitions for national championships, tennis
competitions and my yearly dance spectacle that will last three weeks. We will have to perform
our two learned dance routines four times a week for three weeks but in the end we will
definitely know it well. The swimming competition were a few hours drive away and we would
spend a week or two in dormitory with our parents nearby to be able to attend the week
competition, it was loud and in this evening we would play pool, ping pong, have pizzas check
arcades or eat at buffets or dance with the group team if they had a small party, for at least 10
years we did this yearly and spend three months out of the year training for them. I remember
the long conversations with roommates or people we cross on our path about life and our hopes
and dreams, all this future we imagined we would have but hath of them did pursue a good
future, some got killed, some overdose, some lived in fear and self pity existence and only a few
made it and have a good life or a great life. It's seem easier when we young to go after our
dreams and goals because we have so much energy, we are healthy and we don't really know
the world and it's danger yet so nothing seems impossible then, I could literally approach
anyone for any reason, I'll approach celebrities, politicians, public figure, professors and I might
have been a little arrogant and endearing to some people but it was my way to say ( Hey relax
dude you not that important, take a chill pill) I never was impressed by people that acted higher
than others, acted cruel and nasty or shady, that didn't scare me to me it was a sign of fear that
they weren't living fully and they were scared of adults were invisible like many young people
our days you can tell them anything to convince them the world isn't safe and is dangerous and
they wouldn't hear you, like we didn't listen to our peers our elders back then, we just said;
'Yeah yeah grandpa or grandma') How would you feel if i told you you were going to die
tomorrow, would you feel good, bad, sad, regretful? All of this above? Possibly if you are human
if not then I can't help you. What if I told you that most people spend too much time preparing
their legacy and death beds instead of living in the here and now. What if most people's legacy
doesn't last long, is forgotten and can be tarnished within a few months or years, meaning all
these years you spend for nothing. Start leaving now and make your now the future of today.
Don't focus on the wrong things, there are things we can't control. We need to do our best with
what we have. Everything you want to be you already is everything you want , you have and
everything you think you are, you are. It took me some time to understand this one when I was
broke, living with my sibling with no job and feeling guilty and sorry for myself, suffering daily. I
had to open my eyes widely and see things through others' perceptions and get rid of all the
noises that were blurring my thoughts and vision. We often compare ourselves to others that
aren't like us at all, their journey isn't yours you can't expect to be doing the same things and
having the same things when you aren't even in the same path line. I had no confidence and I
felt and was told that everything that happened was all my fault and I was to blame for
everything. I couldn't understand how I went from being a very confident woman with lots of
friends to a single mother, alone with nothing but feeling of remorse. All I had were poor
behaved boyfriends that often had addictions and used me and older ex boyfriends for
conversations or on occasions I had an older childhood friend or my sister in law to chat with but
it was very lonely. It had been for the last 8 years and now, I had a brother, a kid and some
family around and my dates and later made a friend or two to keep me company, this was
shameful to me to be here at my age (35) and nothing to show, but I wasn't aware of the full
dynamism around me that made me look like I had nothing and did nothing witch was far from
the truth, by example day by day I continued to try and attend worshops, events, applied for
training, attend online schools, free courses, in two years I got almost 20 certificates and 5
diploma with Allison.edu, a few with Florida Train edu, FEMA training, veterans training and few
day care classes with Dcf, tried to pass a fitness exam twice but failed from overdrinking and
stressing, got a dance teacher certificate and still it wasn't enough I wanted to get my lifeguard
certificate but kept falling to attend for some reason, I volunteered, did some odd jobs when I
could, applied and offer free massage during interviews and had some old clients from time to
time I was constantly working on betterment, sick or not, I visited this Emergency room a few
time per year while drank or in the worse conditions after a fight or being wasted if I needed it
too see doctors to discuss this awful abdominal and back pain I was experiencing, the tiredness
and dizziness I felt constantly,I had low iron and vitamin D and a triple sciatica and I was
working out too hard for all this alcohol I indulged it made me overly exhausted, running and
exercising made me feel better, I look better and it was easier to find better mens to date, I
focus on that for a while, keep my body in check and tried to look perfect so I went through a
intensive workout training for a year and some days I'll feel the pain so intensely that alcohol
was this only way to help it, I'll start to sweat and smell if I didn't drink and it was gross, I'll get
the worse migraines and stomach pain for hours , it felt like I was dying it was out of control so
drinking help ease the pain when it comes back. I tried their antibiotics and pain medication and
in two weeks all the pain was back. After I got my body shape back I worked on learning more
intensively about hypnosis, reiki and self guided meditations, witch help me into reaching for
help and eventually quit drinking for good later witch took a year for me to start sleeping
normally without constant fog feeling like I was under water, depending on how many years you
drink, if you drink for twenty years like me and quit for good it will take a year of feeling like you
are 80 years old, I thought I was done and was going to move slow and be tired forever, I
couldn't get up in the morning and will fall in the ground often or my legs will froze and I'll have
to wait thirty minutes to walk again, behind all the alcohol were some sciatica problems ,
damages nerves in all lumbar discs and hip pain ect .. later I develop more problem, bladder
Infections , diverticulitis and stomach ulcers from all the poison and alcohol I did for years. I was
glad I figure out how to create groups in Facebook that give me more confidence and did a step
by step daily live on a group to recover , then created all the company groups and started to
write, now feeling a little better each day on my way to recovery I could think better and get
more things done so I didn't waste any more time and wrote 15 books and created 13
audiobooks with narrators from 2017-2021 and a few courses, events and got us the non profit
paperworks needed and created a yearly board online meetings, things were good for a little
while. I felt more understood and being able to share my books and poetry in my groups was
great and making new connections and lifelong connections with artists and authors friends. Got
nominated best business person of the year in 2018 , got a scholarship for an essay I wrote, for
$1000 , exposed all my paintings in a fancy office for a month for everyone to see daily which
was one of my dreams for a long time. I was so focused on what I didn't have and it destroyed
me. I didn't have a nice car, or a good man in my life, not a good job or great career that brings
good money, I don't travel anymore which I didn't for 6 years while living in Florida with a sibling.
I didn't have many friends I could rely on, my nonprofit wasn't getting donations and I dreamed
of getting one of these huge fundraiser for us and having auction items and big donors
contributing to our growth, I had seen this done so many time in fancy hotel in Sarasota,
FL,Tampa and Bradenton, palmetto, longboat beach convention centers. I guessed it made me
dreamed a little but what I didn't see was that I had sold 500 copies of my french book to Japan
schools, sold 1000 books overtime, sold 100 audiobooks , even know the pay is small with
Kindle press, Audiobooks pays way more for each sold I get $1.50 but with a ebook or
paperback I get 0.8cents per book so selling my audiobooks by thousands will be this answer to
my financial problem I wanted to be a yoga teacher, a dancer, a painter and help people with
healing their disorders and traumas and I was already all of this. I just didn't see it. If I go back
and look at my old live streams or recorded videos on Facebook I can see that I wasn't that bad,
not the way I was feeling inside. I saw myself as a huge nobody, unable and dumb and crazy
and my surrounding were reinforcing this idea daily, I was surviving, struggling and trying to fight
for my life and I succeeded, even when most of the people I knew from my previous life look
down on me and most people had pity for me and my older friends couldn't recognize me and
didn't even speak to me but to make me feel small, it's like being Britney spears or Amanda
bynes when everyone looks down on you and even if you strive and been successful for the last
ten years they can't see it, can't accept it.

Chapter 3)
Once we realize that objects, material things, money and jobs don't define us we can look
further into ourselves and discover who we really are and find out which best attributes and
talents are ours and what we have contributed to the world until now, realize that one or two
chapter of your life isn't this entire book. I pick this up from one of my idol ( Marry Morrissey )
she has great lives event and workshops name dream builders and you can find all about her on
YouTube easily, I attended her live workshops twice and watch a lot of our videos and
mastermind classes, she is the best in getting you closer to the life you dream of. When she
speaks it's like she is speaking to you directly which is not possible since she speaks to
thousands of people and has a multimillion dollar business but she is humble and she cares.
She teach how to visualize your dream life and how to revisit old traumas to change the
perception we have of them, so you learn to remove the bad emotion you have and replace it
with a neutral one, she pushes people to stop waiting for things and realize that life is short so
they can make the choice to move towards theses things right away and don't allow
procrastination to sink in. She empathize in the domino effect of each action we take in our lives
and tells you how to sprinkle your seed for the future to build up, basically she is telling us that
everything we do now is affecting the future outcome so why not sprinkling the seeds we want in
the future to mature, also that she saw her friends dying without seeing them going after their
dreams because of fear and things that scares them like not enough money coming in or no
stability or security ect. Picture it, see it and get it now. You'll come to actually appreciate what
you have at the moment and it will remind you that you always have much more that you think
you have at your mercy, to look around and use what is available to you now instead of focusing
on the lack of. On the year 2020 after the Covid 19 breakout in January 2020 and we all
received government grants and extra money I took advantage of that and planned my trip and
start looking for house sites overseas to get familiar with what I could buy and where I could live
and have the maximum space and be in cute and quiet neighborhood. I wanted a place that was
warm and cozy with a garden and balcony and a upstairs and welcoming, quiet with nice
neighbors that help each other's a lively and lovely town for my son to finish his childhood away
from police brutality, racisms, murderers and pedophile rings that took over cps in America long
ago, lately lots of lawsuit were filed against Boy Scout camp leaders, churches and many places
that were supposed to provide kids services but instead were filled with pedophiles, the problem
is all explain in the movie (borat the subsequent film) a country that has so much power that we
don't shut down the pedophiles that govern most of the charity groups and churches, schools
and cps and foster leaders. People don't realize how insane that is that you are giving power to
agency to take people's childrens out of their home if they miss schools days, have a bruise on
their arms, look sick or people called and complained about something or the grades are low or
the home school isn't good enough to for them so they get in the home and take the kids and
when they proven wrong they create all kinds of proof to show they were rights and start
charging fees or create threats, it's sickening some families feel like they are puppets
completely controlled by theses people having to respond to their every demand, if they were
actually arresting the real molesters and pedophile parents and physical abusers they will be
doing their jobs but they let free the ones that do that and focus on the innocents ones to not
only take their kids cause their pain and traumas but take their kids to pedophile homes. I think
most people keep quiet because they are scared. I had been scared of them for the entire time I
gave birth, when I discovered they could do that and threaten you over nothing, a bloody nose
or just be late for dropping your kid. The schools gain power over rules and family and I have
seen teachers and staff using the world cps or Dcf just to scare families on a weekly basis. Even
hospitals do that, I had random guys that played this card on me just because I didn't want to be
with them anymore, it's a sick world, maybe that's why there more and more crisis happening in
this USA, the killings, kidnappings, pedophile lawsuits, the revenant rapists, the teachers that
abuse kids or the teacher aid, the babysitters that molest kids ect... The death of black men by
police guys, the fires, the Covid that is deregulating everyone, the manifestations and the black
matters movements, the women that waited years to complain about a rapist, injustice between
genders co-workers in the TV entertainment industry or politics etc. I seen the good people
loosing it and the bad ones winning good jobs, the America it was once is not functioning right
and is not equally fair to anyone, it's dangerous, vicious, vulgar and lots of people in power are
very insane sociopaths in power, highly dangerous people that should not be in power at all,
basically their is too many very sick sickos in power that can decide who live and who doesn't,
what about theses preventable death in hospitals, lots of people came in for something small
and end up dead, the staff aren't following medical protocols, they spend more time laughing at
the patients pain and watching them through the camera monitor waiting to see a year, anger or
aggressivety, how many time I went to a ER and after 2 h of questioning, I seat in the room for a
hour and hear people laughing, watching me and making comment about my every move, my
eyes movement or facial expression while I m watching tv if I look scare or psycho or weird, and
you get people coming in not presenting themselves asking personal questions but not
answering yours, you basically seat still and stare at the wall or your phone but even then they'll
find a way to call you crazy one way or this other or provovok it, once in Cleveland clinic I
overheard the nurse telling the doctor( go ahead and go look at that old women bloody vagina
and laughed)then a guy came in told me to open cabinet and got out without telling me who he
was and then told me he would give my son the snacks I had for him but never did, he came in
the room with a coffee in his hand and then touch my bed and stuff in the room, I told them I
was urinating much too often and needed a MRI for my hip and groin area but they give me a
stomach scan instead, forgot to give me the meds and I had to unhook myself to use the
restroom because noone was around to help, the nurse came back and ask if I wanted a
blanket and never came back and just sat in the beak room talking about patients out loud for a
hour instead a Another time in Manatee county, FL, ER the assistant physician without warning
made me undress and gave me the finger without even asking first. A doctor sent me to this ER
withouts exam results when it was not needed so I could just waste a few hours of my day…
insane staff are managing our health these days. . they are so bored and psychotics they'LL
watch,what you are watching through the camera surveillance or what you texting by closing up
or taking pics, the technology today steals any right for privacy, anyone can take a five second
picture of you or enter your name on social media and know everything about you within a
minute while you know absolutely nothing about them but they already know a lot, it's not fair, I
never look up people in my life I just meet just because I'm bored or curious, even if I was
curious and giving this opportunity I wouldn't, because I respect others privacy and I feel like its
stealing people right for privacy if I do ever more in a place that I'm receiving a service for. I told
myself I will never go back to Hospital in the USA unless I really have a life or death emergency
but never say never cause I might have too and have to worry about how unwell the nurses and
doctors are going to be. I experience some of the most dangerous shelters in America and
being a white privilege girl like I was made me a target for bullying, I usually get along with
anyone and generous but in the worse of place that didn't matter the level of insanity reach the
top level and there is no place for reasoning here like being in the Bronx or Detroit. I can be
kind, polite and friendly but still get insulted and harassed because that's just how it is, period.
Point being I didn't feel safe there and the staff were terrible or just really overwhelmed and
tired, some of them weren't too bad but they had to deal with really sick people and they weren't
psychologists either so they were just trying to survive and do their job, I was planning on
leaving right away and taught of heading to Canada instead something new and french but a
few weeks later the case manager told me if I waited a month I'll qualify for a free apartment for
five months, so I never had anything like this before, it was worth the wait but they transferred
me to a better shelter for another two months witch was so much better with free gifts and food
buffets and volunteers programs and shows coming to us, Halloween parties but it was still a
shelter with lots of negativity and people annoying you daily. We spend Christmas there and
had at least five brunches ,two large bags of gifts for each kids family had, Christmas breakfast
and dinner and every mother we're getting expensive makeup, underwear and handbags and
lots of toiletry items, I got $75 teint creams, $50 lipsticks, $100 bras and so on, sure my own
place would have been better but that was just a transit place,and the class made me connect
with other women's there, I had to accelerate my search for a apartment that took housing
voucher and there were not too many good ones in decent surroundings so I pick the closest
one to the downtown of Cleveland and Rapid train station so I could move around easily without
paying much to get too places and I already knew my surrounding, it's funny the place I choose
was two streets from the first shelter we stayed at. When I was in Florida living in misery I tried
to get help with rent, finding a apartment, any type of shelter that could help to get out of my
brother's house and I was constantly rejected so I didn't know who to call and didn't have this
energy to try, I would have to explain my entire life problems and then they'll say there is no
space, the one I got for two weeks was mix with single mothers and parents and some womens
made the bed for my son witch was weird, this other one put some itchy poison fruits in my
underwears because I wouldn't let her borrow mine but I give her all my other clothes to wear
because she said someone stole her bag, they did have bags and bags of Wawa or Publix
pastries and pies and sandwiches that was amazing to have and I took a lot to bring to my
family and ate for two weeks, there muffins were so good, that's one thing they always have too
much off in women shelters ( Food) anyway that place was so bad when I try to help a young
women and she turn things around and threat me, then the staff I spoke too went to do a clean
up evaluation in my room and stole some of our video games and made up drama stories,.
Another person broke my car and I left there with a broken minivan, so much for the help.
Florida isn't the place for getting assistance at all apart from food stamps and free food pantry
and year long free kids activities, but I also was near a rich area so it wasn't really a homeless
town. Anyways after thinking and contemplating my options I decided I'll have to go out of the
state if I needed to ever go away and start over.In Florida I worked as a massage therapist from
23 to 27 and moved back to France for a hath a year and then to Washington state and Oregon
and Vegas where I continued to practice massage therapy for years as a really good massage
therapist leader, receiptionists, body treatment specialist, and had my own rooms and clienteles
for years, I did neuromuscular therapy and sport massage often sometimes I would do
receptionist tasks and work has a muscle testing assistant, and work in doctor and chiropractic
offices, when I renew my license and came back at 33 I did a few little jobs, swim instructor at
private homes, after care mentor in charter school, after school supervisor, massage family or
friends, lend it a few independent massage jobs on call in spas and sometime even give long
two hours massage for no pay, then the alcohol got to my head and I'll find excuse not to go
back, I was hired in two places in a art village and a beauty spa and sabotage myself somehow,
I got back up, got sober and bought a mini van and did Chinese food delivery for a month and
the van broke down again and that was it, after that I knew I had to get out and have my own
place I couldn't stand this neighborhood and how they have violated me for 6 years, harass me,
broke my cars, stole from us, my brother abuser coming in and out of the house everyday
standing by my door, walking naked sometime, following me everywhere, looking like she was
enjoying watching me struggling. When I could, I sold online but never made much that way,
anyway I had enough of all of this and the racism going on so I needed to get out of America for
a while and maybe relearn to appreciate it later. Not only I had spend too much time dreaming
to living abroad but I deserved it, I had become completely sober for three painfully years, had
quit smoking entirely, didn't date or look for men's attention, focus on my career, my son's life
and schoolwork, dealt with two awful shelters and people, spend 6 years in a rabbit hole
harassed by black peoples that pushed my buttons daily in their community, and still was
standing so I think after almost two years in Cleveland, OH dealing with seriously dangerous
downstairs neighbors and a strange landlord, a handyman coming in and out when he felt like it
it was well deserved it. I had these big fear moments when lots of people were dying with Covid
and was terrified of it for a while, like in everyone's mind at one point, I think Covid scared lots of
people and some people died from fear of it and that could have been prevented. I had my mind
in Venezuela, Argentina, Uruguay or Peru but leaning more toward Argentina first so I read
articles and everything seemed good until Covid block entrance to the country, then came
Uruguay and Peru was not my number one choice, so after a few months knowing we're I was
going now I was back having to decide on something else and so Puerto Rico was near my
beloved childhood memory vacation destination so it seem the fastest and easiest way to live
abroad without complication since it's part of America you don't need to get residency.America
has a lot to offer and the best universities, theaters, movie production company in the world,
their museums and art gallery are enormous and each festival or parade are always
memorable. It's too bad the US is divided between a white America and a black America. I
heard this term in a interview not very long ago actually and I knew what the lady meant by it,
some people that never lived long enough near a minority division have no idea the hell they are
living in, they can't even apprehend any living being living in this kind of mental state but in their
neighborhood it's like this everyday, constant fighting, constant bittering, constant harassment
and pedophile, molestation and family pervertion, rape and robberies, they go to sleep scare all
the time and wake up wanting to get high. Some are smart and leave this place for good and
never come back but some never do and leave a life of suffering and misery for eternity. It
doesn't have to be for eternity but some of them have soon been deeply wounded since they
were 5 years old. It is barely impossible for them to heal on their own and know what to do to
get out of their gutt. Some white American people never seem black America has a thing. They
knew it was a little divided but they didn't think their lives were extremely opposites. They knew
they existed but didn't want to be bothered by them, 40 to 100 years ago they didn't mind
staying small and not ask or demand anything but the time have changed and now they are
rebellious and want more equality in America and they are trying to tell us in different ways but
some ways include violence and crime activities and that doesn't seem to help. They are
revolting and scream( we want justice) they go places we don't want them, they take the jobs
they can't have and anything anyone tells them they can't have, they are trying to prove a point.
They are scared to get shot and killed for no reason. They want respect from white people and
they don't ever want to be treated poorly or judged because of their color. They reached out to
reporters, news anchors to tell their injustice stories and write their own books, started groups,
clubs and magazines to protest injustice; they included anyone interested in helping. While all
this is happening some folks at White America pretended that they didn't see anything, didn't
hear anything and would let black America make their marks, they LL pretend to be part of a
movement in public in front of thousands just so they are not being booted out. Black America is
saying( we want more respect, more security, better jobs, better pay and no more judgment! )
Years after years generations after generations they stood tall watching their peers and live
ones suffered, being insulted, ridiculed, call names like monkeys or negro or chocolate bar,
coca, black cherry ect. Treated like they were too different to exist and to be part of their world,
to weird looking, too smelly to black, too loud to something. Lots of them tried to fight back but
fell short and no one heard them or they got shot. Some of them with less brain said that they
will get revenge and start bullying, raping and humiliate the white people that could come close
to them, unfortunately it would usually be the nice white people with a heart and compassion
that will pay the price for the white people that didn't care for them, theses people would never
even get close and a lots of innocent white people got killed, rape and abused because of all of
this, the stupid black folks wouldn't stop and didn't care if maybe theses white people weren't
racist, to them it was this only way to get revenge for all the generation that got hurt. This
continued for years and some white folks started to fight back and killed groups of black people
all at once or plan attacks in some places, terrorists became affiliated to some extreme and
participated in hate crimes together, now both white clans and blacks clans are at warin war and
no onenoone can tell whichwitch is winning. Lots of white cops got revenge in some level tired
of seeing their sisters, wife, daughters or family member becoming victims of black folks, some
black gangs will double up the crimes and never stop and continue until they are being notice
but no one knows who they really are they are just a shadow of something, they don't have a
identity they just a lost soul in a body trying to tell the world how much white people in America
have hurt their families for years but they have become the abusers now for years and don't
realize that they are the one hurting everyone and innocent lives and they are not resolving
anything. They are just making everyone more angry and making the black people look like
criminals more than either, there is a high percentage of crimes conducted by black people in
America yes but there is also hispanic, and white people commiting crimes too. Some of the
white killers are your everyday friendly neighborhood and the nicest people at your job, your
boss, maybe it could be anyone. Next time you see someone overly friendly just ask yourself , is
this real or they have to look friendly so we don't see the real them inside. Remember one
documentary on Michael Jackson, he said with his own words( I don't let people see my eyes or
they'll see my soul) coming people this guy fooled the world, stole twenty years of our lives to
get attention and money while he was molesting and raping little kids!!! Rest in peace Michael,
he may be able to dance and sing but that is not a license to molest children's, innocent sweet
kids that trusted him, not only that but he twisted their brain, feed them alcohol and made them
watch nasty porn that is disgusting, I'm so glad they removed lots of his songs in the board,
when I was in school at ten and twelve we use to learn and sing his song, save the world make
the world a better place, black and white and others, we dance in theses songs, made
choreography and even use theses song in dance rehearsal and classes, parties and
fairgrounds, most people had some Michael Jackson songs so where, I'm deeply disappointed
when I saw the Netherland documentary to find out that he was really a molester, child abuser
and he sociopath that got away with it, he may have got away with it while alive but it caught up
to him. How is it that the biggest star in America was a freaking rapist of children and no one
knew?? Some people had to know. Prisons are getting pretty bad too against crimes and races.
White America is coming to extinction and some people don't want that and won't let it happen
and it's the results of newly formed klan and violence against black communities becoming
more obvious. And this is where we are now.

Chapter 4) So much beauty

In late may 2021 I left my house after my son's graduation, we still had some school work and
test to finish that we did later and left for Puerto Rico. Number one place was a airnb in a family
house in a town call levitown that had a deserted beach within a mile, but to go there you had to
walk through lots of mechanic shops and bars and dirty streets, no place for cars to park or
people to walk too, but I did t want to pay a Uber for that little distance everytime, this was the
place we would go daily five time a week, I was sad to not have been able to bring my cat with
us, I wasn't sure how it would go and if it would prevent us from finding a place and since I was
literally out of my apartment for good ( I still had a month paid but I had enough of that place so I
left sooner) I had a cage, nicklaces, his shots almost done for him I even tried to train him to get
in the cage at multiple time but he wouldnt, I guess he taught I was leaving him, I started to
panick the plane wouldn't let us take him either and even after emailing the airline company and
doing all theses things I had to choose us and make sure we wouldn't be stranded on the street
there. I was very attach and my son too, this cat was so loving and would sleep on my back and
wake me up in the morning. Anyways I wasn't alone on this new journey, my podcast followers,
our fans on YouTube or Instagram knew all about this big move and how long I had waited to
finelly leave USA and try a new country. I had made a promise on my podcast that when I had
stayed twenty years in each countries (France+America) it would be time, so while I was still 40
I did it, and celebrated my 41th birthday just a few months later in Albania. Lots of people we
with me mentally virtually in this challenge and I hope that I had inspired some people to get
moving in their lives. I was taking the leap of faith, the chance to win or to fail but it didn't matter,
I was going. I had spend too much time worrying for nothing! Too many nights thinking about
what could go wrong, a golden rule that I learned is never say too much to strangers, to be too
friendly to generous you never know someone and surely not in a few days or hours even if they
appear to be the nicest kind of people. I used to share so much with everyone and got into lots
of turbulence because of it but also met really cool people and had a lifetime kind of experience
also, so you might miss out but when it comes to your life floating boat it's better not to make a
beat at it. At 40 I don't need more trouble and my son doesn't need it either, thinking back when
I use to walk miles after miles to places, getting lost, hopping on trains, buses and people's car I
never thought that one day I'll have my mini me by my side living my life, I'm so happy I have
this little genius boy in my life, and I need to make sure he gets a good life. I used to judge the
40 year olds if they dressed like they were 20, if they dated younger people, if they went back to
school, if they had younger friends ect. I use to think most of them look depressed and bitter
and acted like old bags but now I take it back because I know now what they saw, they endured
and came to realization that life wasn't as has they taught it would be and when they came to
that realization and find themselves they were exhausted, had no more energy and had hard
time living life anymore, they were simply just trying to survive. I don't blame them, if they made
it so far and are still kind souls then they deserve a big applause. So let's resume( no millionaire
or big TV show host coming to get you to make all your dreams come true) sure the hopes and
illusions make it more exciting and give you the boost you need to go after what you want. I
landed in the worst possible airbnb ( my first one to compare too) in a town a few miles from old
st Juan, name levittown, a regular town with lots of cars and houses all very close to each other
and cats,dog and trash everywhere, some drug dealers, a few shops in middle of all the houses
and lots of music on weekends and chickens making music early morning, so that something
you have to get use too but to tell you the truth I have a hard time falling asleep on demand so
once you sleeping deeply and you wake up at 5am for a hour it's hard to sleep after that and
forget trying to sleep before midnight because it's usually often loud outside, I had to use
earbuds and headsets often and that wasn't enough. In the family was a sweet little girl that was
super cute. She had Barbies and dolls toys everywhere, she wore princess dresses and often
watched cartoons on Disney plus, she had a big sister and her mother and dad lived in the
upper stair. It didn't take long to realize the host were insane sociopaths and they were about to
make my stay a living hell but I was hoping they'll take it easy since I had a child and we had
such a tiny room with no air or no AC and red aunt's, the bathroom was all broken down and
very small, the kitchen was nice but there was no space in the fridge or cabinet for my stuff, all I
could use was the microwave and the ice from the fridge and I got a few bananas they allowed
me to have witch was nice of them, I remember them laying out bananas and apples or
coconuts in a weird ways that was weird, the women said she was a TV host but I never find out
what TV channel and what she was really doing, the dad seem nice at first but I think he had
some deep sever mental issues, I'll hear him making weird sounds near my windows, put dog
poop by our windows, told us that we left hair in the sink after my son fell on the ground and
almost broke his neck.there was three locks on the front door, two dogs and lots of people just
hanging out by the street, lots of guys fixing cars or homeless just trying to find money, I really
tried to make it home, be friendly, respectfully and minimize the noises, the wifi changed name
twenty times from the weirdest names, the connection would cut off daily at random times for
hours, the room was so hot I had to spend my days out because they were almost always home
and the TV was always turn off, they had camera in the living room so it doesn't feel relax
knowing someone is seating in their bedroom upstairs watching you, it's the worse feeling and I
notice this more and more when I rented airnb is that there isn't many host that don't put
cameras in your room or the main room, the problem is that there no way to know, to prove it a
s even if you did they LL deny it of course and remove everything if they had I inspections,
problems is that there no regulations in who can be a host and so it can be extremely
dangerous to end up in the wrong places that appear quiet and normal on the surface but are
the opposite of that inside. For example, right now I'm in Mexico and I have been watching from
day 1. I feel like a patient in an institute but with no doctor, just strangers watching you from
afar. They don't care if it's not right and they wouldn't like it if someone was spying on them
either but it doesn't stop them from doing it, invading your privacy is ok with them, I never
understood that logic, if so t like something being done to you then why doing it to others? I left
a week sooner and got a few days in a other place with a much more welcoming host but it was
just for show, it seem she was in speed or coke, but something she talk super fast and was
overly nice and the next day she look like a different person, that look angrier and unhappy, I
heard her screaming and yelling and cussing all night like a drunk would do if they were upset,
she was ever screaming or laughing historically, so it's like 2am I'm sweating in the room and I
hear her laughing hard with someone talking about me, I guess she figure I couldn't hear and
was sleeping, not a good feeling when she spent a hour with us having small talk and good
time, now I was feeling really sick and tired, I had drink too much coffee and the guy next door
kept coughing all night and was all over me in the kitchen when I was trying to cook, so here
comes Mr jenkil and hide and double face person just like her, one day they are sweat heart the
next evil person's. Or maybe they were never nice people in the first place. That can be a theory
too. Anyways I meet a Japanese guy we walk around town in a Sunday and chat, I give him
shoes he needed and the next day he left, I did all this activities we had planned and bought my
flight ticket to punta Cana, my last night there a huge storm hit, all power went off and the
curtain got on fire, the computer monitor blow up and the next morning I pick something from
under the bed it was a bomb spray it it got all over my eyes, it burn for a few hours, let's just say
I didn't slept very good there and was happy to leave, another thing they do in bad is that they
like to build up the stress before hands, so they'll start by giving you the wrong address, then
apologize and give you the right one, then add non sens words in your messages exchange that
maybe mean something to them, to confuse you and when you show up they are not here, so
you'll knock, stress and call ect.. they just seating in their room laughing and after they had a
good laugh they come out 30-60 minute later and pretend they had no idea you were here and if
you said something about how you called they'll say they don't have their phone.in Puerto Rico
anything for $20/night is in poor or druggy host homes that's because Puerto Rico now is so
expensive it's the California of Puerto Rico in most tourists areas. I applied for a few low cost
rentals but no luck. I wanted to sign a contract in a two bedroom for $350/month and be able to
travel too but they didn't seem to want me there, I responded to everything , went back and they
seem to not have any openings, I tried two other places and same results and the private
owners always seem weird or give you a wrong address to meet, so it's hard to get anything
done with weirdos. After crossing over the hath of the countries by car I saw a lot of places that
look completely different that anything else, they have little sand island communities, beautiful
sites, houses in beach hills ect . If you can buy one of theses then yes I'm in but otherwise there
are lots of other villages that can be friendlier places to live in but again if you are not a native or
married to one it will be ajrd to adjust, to be integrated and treated like everyone else and you'll
end up being a target if you stay too long, they are ok with short visits from tourists only,
anyways at one point the rental car I rented from downtown Enterprise at $120/day had bad
brake no headlights witch I realize later when I was driving on top of the highest pic of Puerto
Rico at at least 10,000 feet or more and it almost killed me and my son, when I couldn't see a
turn and realize the light weren't actually on, I was a feet from falling the gravine, and I stop right
in time, I couldn't believe in my mind I was still doing all this to prove to my father I was going
places, doing things that were amaizing and he didn't even care what I was doing and could
care less he probably was laughing at me behind my back while I almost died with my son. It
made me realize that I had some serious trauma that I need to fix. Here I was trying to do has
many things I could in my life and not thinking about consequences, you'll think I'll get a refund
on the car but no I got nothing. I should have sued them. I knew Puerto Rico at this point wasn't
a place for me and I had to keep going. I went to skyscanner.com and looked to see where I
could go next and Punta Cana was close by so I got a ticket and said to myself, I'm not looking
for a place, I'll just enjoy my trip and look for a home online in the future. With my family I was
devalued for years and put down, look down and treated like a retard and now that I taught my
demons, worked on self healing and self development for four years and been sober for five
they don't know how to approach me, they use to just hit me where it hurts whenever or
wherever, I was a punching bags for them and their children's to take a swing at. I was call
crazy by the crazy sister and her crazy husband, she can't even see herself for who she is and
blames everyone for her shortcoming, for years she was hateful of me, my presence and
jealous of the attention I got til I was 26 and she made sure to break the circle , if any of the
intention would get turn toward me she'll go crazy mad and take it back toward her, the things is
I don't want this attention or need to be better than her, I m just being me, she was the liar, the
scare one that don't share things when she was little and she hasn't change the only difference
is now she is mentally unwell. In her mind I'm the one that is completely crazy because I was
always open-minded and didit call people crazy, I try to be compassionate and understand
them, treat them like humans but her it was this opposite if she didn't understand something or
someone that meant it was crazy, crazy was the word use for a lack of understanding basically
it's the perfect fit for ignorant, they don't know something therefore it means it's crazy, shortcut
for loser that can't take a simple steps toward caring for others. I spent 15 years wanting a
relationship with my sibling, dying in alcohol alone. I'm done trying but I'm ok with some brothers
so I can always keep them in my life and my sisters they will always be in my life but not in my
everyday one. We had some good sister times and hopefully someday when we are old and
dying we will have a better relationship but I'm not going to wait for it anymore. I think my
parents' souls died when I was around 25 and maybe 20% of it remains now. So it's not
completely dead but almost. When I arrived to Punta cana Dominican republic everything got
complicated, stressful too and I spend a hour in customs border line and then a hour waiting to
pass the luggage in the blet to exit this airport, the water was so nasty there I spend a week in
the toilet staring at bathroom walls, not funny. Riding behind strangers scooter for a dollar was
fun and I had a blast it remind it me, I remember telling my taxi driver in Franklin, PA all about
my trip to punta Cana and he just listened and give me some of the best philosophical insight
about life, I hated to pay him $75 for a twenty two mile ride but I was literally stuck in oil city
since they were no existing Uber there. I called every single taxi places and had two choices
one were too far and then for that price, I remember trying to bargain and miss my ride on the
greyhound and had to pay a $90 hotel night because of it, the next day I had to beg almost and
the hotel clerk got me a taxi, so stay in Franklin , PA ($90+$75) for one night) for nothing
extraordinary nothing worth the price, I tell you, nothing you LL be better off renting a car do
lakes, restaurants, trails and get a motel on your way back outside of Franklin and oil city, PA.
Anyways back to my story.the food was so fresh and the seafood there so good, I couldn't stop
thinking about going back to the grocery store and getting some more and some of their
sandwiches and potato salads, I love potato salad. The water was super blue here and the sand
super hot too, lots of tourists and french people like me but that don't speak English, you have a
few type of french people, the super politicians type with strict morals and rules and acceptance
of others and they can be dicks, and you have the laid back really relax type like me, and you
have the ghetto, dealer type that try to sell you something all the time or manipulate you to get
your things and get invited to free places. And you have the fake french ones that pretend to be
totally french just to impress others and you have the activists ones that are so involve in their
communities but never do much traveling but do meet people from all over the world, and you
have the travelers vagabond like me but minus the brains because a lots of them are super
smart people that pretend to be bumps travelers but in reality they are highly intelligent. And you
have the too nice to naive ones that Believe everything they hear and eventually get in trouble
later in life kind of like me too. Anyways I had problem with two hotels reservations then a guy
walk me to a place I book for a night but then he started to follow me so I had to move to a new
place but I'll never forget how good their breakfast omelets was and coffee, the best I had in
years, wifi was usually terrible in all places and TV wouldn't turn on and WiFi name will changes
constantly it was like someone was playing with it just to aggregate the customers, ATM would
take huge foreign fees And I had never seen their currency that not something I was thinking
about really I figure I'll use my card but I had to learn and it wasn't easy at first. It's really weird
to see prices in new currency you have never seen but I learned to only focus on the dollar and
then go from there to remember the value of things. So after I found a hostel in town that said it
was near the beach for $12/night I had to try it but I never expected it to be that bad!! I taught
what a great way to meet other tourists to share hostel on the beach but this was not a hostel on
the beach but in the prostitute corner, I wouldn't be off my reservation, I was bringing in the sun
and my son wanted in so I give in and took the room, it was so bad I got sick like hell and I
never seen a room that actually didn't close before. It was a scary time for me. The power went
off for a few hours, cold water and no wifi most of the stay, I was afraid to leave anything behind
so we stay in for four full days, wasting our trip inside, but we read, sing and I wrote and Kendall
build new houses on Minecraft, more farms in Farmville a, click more cookies on cookie clicker,
and design more cartoon stories, he is so creative and I'm so lucky he is so smart because that
will really help him in life. They had huge doors they will lock at night and I felt like in a prison
with just men's around and I literally had to sleep in front of the door , or lay since I wasn't
sleeping just in case they tried to get in, in the back stood a tiny window and I saw and heard
guys walking by, I was petrified they'll come in and do whatever, it mad me so I'll, I couldn't eat
and sleep and the water made things worse so I went to buy water and tried to feel better. I
guess they don't see tourists here too often or they just enjoy seeing us in distress. It makes
them feel a little about their lives. In the day I decided it was too much to handle and I would
loose again three days already paid they cut the wifi so I had to drag my stuff out of there to the
main center and try to get WiFi to call a taxi when that didn't work I was approach by a guy to
give us a ride and took it but he got lost and charge a lot for no reason, finally the last place was
the coolest places with great TV, view and balcony, hammocks and dart boards games and free
coffee and a front lawn I could use, also a cute balcony in the middle of the flora and Forrest of
Dominican republic down the street was the beach and we finelly got to swim and enjoy the life
for a little, the trip wasn't over we had two weeks in a apartment with a large kitchen balcony
and swimming pool, this was the best place but also the most dangerous, we had a guy coming
in the place trying to open my door, I had to report to this local police and then some guys try to
grab my bag when I was swimming witch made it less than relaxing experience. If you go to
store without this exact change they'll never give you the right amount back. A few times when I
try to change the booking with booking.com they LL refuse and ask the host if they want to
charge us fees that are equal to the stay instead of helping out, they will never take the clients
side but the host no matter what so the host could easily be in control and make their stays
terrible so the clients leaves and pay a fee on top of it, I saw a lot of people arriving to this place
I was at near seven beaches area and turn around or decide to stay and being harassed or rob I
wasn't a lucky one, I was harass as well and had to be super careful all the time. Once I paid
$280 for a red roof inn in NJ. I canceled booking.com because the host lied and threw us out
and then asked for a no show fee and then they even lied to the bank and told them we stayed.
We were lucky we didn't get killed there anyways, at $90 a night with hood in charge and the
smell of weed and the music so loud you can't hear anyone talk, i knew I had to renew my
passport soon and I taught of doing it in France but I figure it would have been complicated and
it was maybe easier to go back to America to do it so I wouldn't end up stranded somewhere, it
wasn't the best idea I had overall because my trip to America almost cost me hath of all the
money I had and more that my entire world tour I had some spent already, I had no idea what
was going to happen but I don't regret my son being able to see his grandparents and cousins
for almost two weeks in Florida, however I could have renew my passport in France and keep
moving but it's too late now, so after the new year eve we moved to the center and got a week
in a place and two week in a other really close to each other, Portugal is very rich in culture and
architecture, the McDonald look like palace here and some stores are actually expensive but
there thrift stores where I find clothes for $2 and came home spending $30 for lots of great
quality clothes, I always got Expresso in the coffee machine outside and just seat by a main
area and relax, there lots of cute gardens to explores and very old trees to see, I find a way to
get a cheaper ticket to us by passing through France for a hath day it allowed us to see this effel
tower and this arc de triomphe, we took the bus from beauvait to orly, went to a mall and even
took the metro, I got to speak my own language all day and being understood right away, it was
wild but refreshing, not everyone was cool and friendly of course but I felt at home for a little bit,
the evening arrive and we got on the plane to New Jersey, when I got to New Jersey airport it
felt hostile and crazy immediately I took a bus from this airport to a terminal and a group of
young security guard just insulted me because I touch them with my luggage by mistake, I
couldn't believe what was happening, then a women stop and stare and laughed at my face
while on my tablet for no reason, it was so crazy and since I had been gone for a while I had
forgotten how people were in us airport but it didn't take long to resfresh my memory, theses
americain that are entitled and don't travel outside America very much think they better than
everyone and they act rude, judgemental and dismissive to others and abusive they have so
much power with their money and statut that they don't care to push boundaries and be
disrespectful to anyone they do that in a daily basis, their inner narcissism is incrusted in them
like blood, not all americains are this way thank God just some, anyways so it was late and has
a mention in previous chapters I booked a place that was ghetto, got screwed of $240 and had
to waste $50 in taxi and head back to sleep at this airport it was minus 40 outside, I had the
worse night this airport wasn't quiet and no chair to sleep on, the next day I find a place for two
night just to wash up and sleep I tried to rent a car to head out to Pennsylvania but couldn't get
any so decided to head to Florida much sooner that originally planned , it was the first week of
February and arrived in Orlando on time exhausted, I felt like I hadn't slept in days we then had
to take a two hour bus to Tampa to meet grandma that pick us up later, two weeks in Florida
was great I got my tan back, did all the things I usually do there and enjoy riding my fancy rental
car everywhere, I desperately try to get a temporary cheap car but impossible to find in such a
short time, I wanted to stay longer and save on rent and transportation but no luck there so it try
to find rentals but prices were up the roof so I give up and after lot of stress I decided to change
my destination from Alaska to Texas because I heard Alaska was very pricey and very cold in
February and I could go later, I had told myself if I ever stay in America it would have to be
totally different so Alaska seem like it would work for me, a new uncharted territory but if I
wanted to afford it I would have to start in the cheap neighborhood and I wasn't to thrill to go to
the war zone after achieving a lot that year that would have been going back in time, when I
arrive in Florida I was so satisfied and super confident of all I accomplished after seeing my
parents I lost some of that confidence but I got it back later. I'm sure you all know how it can be.
After I got to Houston Texas I managed to find the cheapest but decent hotels called Oyo. It's
funny that I never knew about this until I got to Texas! Texas wasn't that bad, I wasn't in a great
area at first but just seeing my good old american store I miss was great, so I forgot about
everyone around me and felt great for a good week until I realize the people minds around me
were filled with garbages and hate not joy and satisfaction like I was feeling, anyways we had a
huge trail by us I enjoy walking too daily, we did the fair the trampolines the go-karts the gaming
arcades, the Goodwill's and Walmarts etc immediately you see the dissection of people and feel
racism in America compared to all the place I went too, next most people don't realize what they
have here and don't seem happy at all but angry and crazy. After a month here I switch to
another area and planned a trip to Austin a few time but every time I got to hertz rental car they
didn't have cars and I got tired if paying $20 just to get to them, this other places wanted a credit
card or charge $200/day, I just wanted a day or two but that wasn't worth it, I wish I did got a car
to at least go to Galveston fairground I decided to go by bus and Uber but my son didn't want to
do the long bus ride, often I had to change things to make sure he would go along too and not
resent me. I often had to leave stuff behind when transiting and sometime things would get
stolen by housekeepers or I'll forget them, I got the last Oyo hotel near this Houston airport for a
week, that week I got my food stamps accepted and loaded in food , we bought the best food for
the trip, ate like royalties for a weeks sn did a lot of Amazon orders ship to our room, I had to
buy a better luggages mine started to look beat up so I left the old one behind even know it was
still good but I needed a larger one so I find this amaizing luggage in a marshal, got orgonised
and after weeks visiting apartment in Houston nothing pick up, even I really tried, I wanted to
breath for six months at least but it wasn't happening and I couldn't keep paying hotels, so I
choose Costa Rica and figure I'll give it a shot for six months, the flight were very cheap and it
wasnt that cheap there and that great when I got there, very stressful and loud but animated,
and lot of things to do and see, the sidewalks are super slippery I remember it rain a lot and
you'll fall often and we did so often it got scary, after I find out it was three month tourist visa and
not six months I look for possible countries near by for longer stay and cheaper stay and saw
Gwatemala first, witch brought me back in my 20's I spend a entire month with a ex boyfriend
there living the life of real gwatemaliens, washing in rivers, eating from wood fire, sleeping in
sheds with no electricity, drinking coffee and eating lots of pastries, walking the pets on
mountains, guiding children's to trails, dancing, eating from gigantic pots during Sunday and
holidays, having parties and I never forgotten the new years eve celebration with all the mask
parade spectacles and the markets, this was the time of my life, I wrote poetry about it, swim in
volcano sources, eat from the fire pits and wash my dishes with soap, it was like going back in
time, for a few days the women's dress me up, did my hair and we walked to streets of
Gwatemala, we used to play with dogs by the river and walk miles back just to bring back the
wash clothes and water. I even worked in the corn field for two days. What an experience. We
visited their friends' jeans shops that wanted to save money to make it bigger one day, they all
had so many dreams and aspirations and my boyfriend was working hard in America just to
send money to his family and to buy his future house there. I saw that it was much smaller than
Mexico but only allowed you to stay three months again and I needed at least six months so at
the last minute I choose Mexico just because I knew it was popular to us citizens, it wouldn't
cost much and I wouldn't have to rush out and also it was cheaper than Guatemala because
Guatemala had become more attractive to tourist in the last twenty years and the prices went
up, the flight cost was the same as a matter a fact we stop in Guatemala before we head out to
Mexico, I can't remember the last time I did a stop drop off connection on a plane, it has be a
long while. When we arrived in Mexico it was much larger and modern that I imagine, lots of us
shops in this airport and lot of guards, this airport was immaculately clean and very long, I had
no idea I could just walk out and cross a street to a hotel witch I would have done or try if it had
been early in the day, I heard so many negative things about Mexico I figure it would be
dangerous to try not being certain to find something, they had no outlet anywhere and the wifi
was very poor so I couldn't figure it out and find hotel or get toy Uber app, I remembered what
happened in New Jersey when I book a room late a night and this time I wouldn't risk it, so I
decided to stay still and rest and that around 6 am we would get a taxi, but just a few hours pass
and my zip bag disappeared with all my paperwork, vaccines cards and brand new passeports, I
was so mad when I realize that they were hotels across the street the next day, I reach out to
guards and police officers, walk to the list and find room that was closed to get the number, I left
voicemails left and right and filled out forms online, the next day I call this airport on multiples
occasions but they never saw anything. I spend a good two weeks dealing with reapplying to get
a passeport appointment and even get new passeports photos done and get everything ready, I
emailed but I kept getting automatic emails stating unless I had a real emergency I wouldn't
work, I walked to this embassy in hoping to see someone and they wouldn't even let me inside
and when I called their emergency numbers they put me on hold and hang up, their is no way to
get appointment within the next year, I don't understand this!! They telling you to keep checking
but it's always the same things, no availabilities, so I figure what can I do? Take a cruise that
doesn't require passeports, go back by land? Perhaps this only way to go back. It mess up all
my plans to head out to Aiijic in a foreign community where I could have start a reiki, hypnosis
and massage practice and be right by chapula lake to swim often. I heard many good things of
this community and couldn't wait to give it a try. Having to worry about overstaying in Mexico
made it harder to get my life started and get a longer term apartment here in Mexico, at first I
taught I'll wait a few weeks to see how fast this embassy can help me, so after my two weeks
hotels I book a month and got into getting things done, when I realize nothing was moving along
and I had four and hath months left I had to decide if I head out toward Jalisco near chapula and
try this embassy there instead but instead I applied online and didn't see any response so I
figure it would be the same and after learning about the gangs and danger rating of Jalisco I
figure getting in countryside of Mexico city could be safer at the moment, so on my next place I
pick something even further away in Tluhac, after Zapolatain stay and then taught about at least
getting to see some of Mexico and heading to Oxacala that was nearer to beaches but it was
getting myself even further from any borders so I didn't book anything and just got a new place
closer to Mexico city downtown since it would bring me closer to the border of Mexico and
Texas. So here I am! Last week I celebrated my 42th birthday!! Here in this new place getting a
manicure some Mexican dish, coffee, had a good laugh with the other roommates and even had
lunch in a fancy burger place, read my Facebook and social birthday wishes and could affirm
that it was a successful birthday! Everything I had been wanted for a long time just happened on
that day, long fun chat with other tourists and fun and feeling whole, the lady that did my
manicure was so sweet we even share a few laughter, the people around are very sweet in
exception to a few that aren't well in the head. The stress of sharing a place brought me to
reach out more to people, start working daily and finish this book so it's not overall such a bad
thing. I'm blessed and grateful for everything we have and I wish I could give more and do more
for others that deserve it. We have a lovely park and many shops around but of course it doesn't
feel like home but it's a place to stay and sleep and take showers and eat. I also had this honor
to get accounted with a philosopher online John whiting and been offered all his online video
classes and that has started to bring my moral up and boost my energy, sometime people come
to our lives for greater good and right now I'm so grateful that his program course came to mine
and will help me through my challenges.
king I didn't feel like I wanted to be there, I still don't understand how a place like this is alive.

Chapter 5)
In a short story the host told me to leave because he didn't know how to see my credit card
information and that he would cancel, it was 1.30am and minus-34 outside and I just spend $25
to get there, now I had to spend $25 back to this airport so the host and the booking company
cost me $50 in transportation cost $260 and I slept at this airport that night!and had to book
another place, that's almost the worst experience I had in all my traveling experience I'll say,
almost!. I started a mini vlog series that will tell you my impression and what you should know of
each country under my playlist (Countries I visited and my impressions of them ) . For three
months I sent documents and made calls, messaged them to prove my innocence but I still lost.
Sometimes we lose unfairly but win in other ways just like they say( once a door closes a new
door opens). Total loss using booking.com $800 in waste. All this money you think you save
when picking their cheap hotel online, didn't save you, you got cheap brand hotels for the price
of expensive ones but with low services and comfort. After it was time to go, I got my Uber to
the airport and they wouldn't let me go back to the US because of some missing a Covid tests. I
couldn't believe it!I Had to book another place for two days, get the tests for two and rebook a
flight! It turn out I end up in the best hotel with hot tubs, brunch by the pool and huge room and
then exchange my tickets and got a few free gift for my tests but still had to pay for them around
$35 each and the two nights extra which were $18 each and the Uber wasn't much, I saw it as
an extension of my trip anyways and a new adventure. Bought a cute handbag, brought more
burgers and enjoyed the water. It's funny I had more fun and a better time in these last two days
than in this entire month I was there! Kendall played with a bouncy ball and worked on his swim
jumps and swim strokes a lot. Some kids came in and they played ball with each other for a few
hours. When you move a lot like this it's not always easy to make new friends with other families
but if I can I would try, I can't wait for our cruise ship vacation and he'll get to go to the teen club
and have fun, I planned this for next march for his 14th birthday after he'll go see his cousins
and grandparents if we can afford it, I'm glad they still here for him like they were for me for a
long time, I can't blame them for being tired after having 7childrens and grandkids and getting
older, most people don't ever get that much attention like we did, I guess I just taught it would
never end and when I started to go into bad relationships repetitively and tried to run away from
my mother's control and keep deceiving my father expectations and annoying my family with all
the drama of ex boyfriends, my father decided he would just turn his back on me for good like I
was dead for ten years it felt like I didn't have any parents, like I was dead, maybe he saw that
my sisters and mother would get nastier when I did get his attention, maybe he's dad treated
him with the same treatment I was getting maybe he just changed and can't be the sweet father
he once was because of his drinking and he never delt with his feelings and this other possiblity
is that maybe he was a little bit narcissistic like my mother but I never knew and I only saw him
has the best person in the world, I had made my peace and I'm ok now, I'm trying to be. I am
grateful for all that I ever got from my family and love them and that's it. Life is too short to keep
on grudge or new resentment. The next morning we made it back to USA Cleveland OH we're I
rented a car and drove to Pennsylvania and spend a week there during their parade 150th
anniversary, summer concert, car shows, antique shows ect,, we tried everything, even the
YMCA pool, club and food places, hair salon and nail salon even a yoga place, drive to nearby
lake for a quick swim, did small hikes here and there and was exploring my distress house from
top to bottom trying to get things I wanted to keep out of there, I knew I needed to sale this
place to make my money back and that I wouldn't be back here so soon so at least I got to
enjoy a week there, but the neighbors left and right were so insane walking around my house at
night , making noises that freak me out, strange vibes of a killer vibe and I was glad to leave
when I did. It made me realize I wouldn't really want to fix and keep this place and even for a
summer house I wasn't too sure because of the neighbors and the street feeling it was giving
me. But I was keeping my option open. I had made up my mind about going to Montenegro and
was really excited about it. It was much cheaper from Cleveland but by going through Albania
first and then taking a long border crossing bus to it. I had so many visions of us living there, it
was going to be a paradise living and I just wanted to go as soon as possible. The climate, the
view, the people and prices of things, everything seems to check out. I had seen many places
for sale online and I didn't want to waste any more time or money. So we got two tickets to
Albania to Tirana and started there, first I got into a taxi and to a place I booked for a month,
when I got inside I realize it was for younger people, it look like a nightclub with smokers and it
was a little dark inside but they wouldn't change the deal so I give in because of how tired we
were, once again, you see the problem is booking a week is too short to really rest and enjoy
but two weeks also because you have to worry about the next place to book and also you save
a much larger price when you book for a full month sometime you save up to $150 witch can
make a big difference, but in my case I wish I turned around and pick a few days elsewhere
because like the domino effect as if you don't feel good, you won't rest, if you don't rest you
won't think right and if you don't think right then youll act weird or make choices based on fears
or under pressure, I know that if I had end up somewhere less stressful I Will have book our bus
tickets to Montenegro and be there today. A few days without sleep I started to look at the bus
trip and read reviews and somewere along the lines telling me that the police were super strict
and could get you out of the bus and send you back or keep your passeports, or keep you
hostage, stupid reviews that made me think twice before going right away, I then find out you
could stay up to 6 months in Albania witch I didnt even know because Albania was my transit
country not my destination at first, I decided to hold on, spend the month of my birthday and
have fun first, the mountains sight were delightful, the valley and landscape view from the room
were enlightening , cows troops walking by in evening, farmers and artisans everywhere, small
shops, small coffee shop everywhere with the best roof top view, I loved it, bakery shop with 30
cents, large pastries and 50 cents a loaf of bread Medium pizza that cost $4 each and all drinks
were around 80 cents, most coffee on terrace cost 50 cens only so it wasn't very expensive to
be there and enjoy yourself, my village was the village of Sauk just a few miles up from Tirana ,
they dress casual, they are a mix of Balkans, turques, Italians and Albanians and Romans ,
they are usually mid sizes, thin facial lines and sharper nose, they dress in bright colors and
some wore hats, women from there were long dresses with a single color and usually have long
hair, fries are 50 cens, 25c ice cream and we ate two large brunch daily for a $22 /night a room,
I almost felt like they were giving us too much food and juice, the bread and dairy product are
high quality and the scooters, sports cars and small trucks are always busy driving to work or
picking up materials, people scrolling the streets is normal, guy smoking and drinking Expresso
at corner coffee shop is normal, the sidewalks are small and filthy, the bus stops crowed and if
you keep walking you LL find all kind of shops, the cheese here is as good has in France! I also
never had milk that good unless when I was drinking real cows milk from farms when I was
younger. Most people hang clothes in their sunroof terrace for some reason and use the grass
field outside to share with each other to let the kid play soccer or swim in little plastic pools, it
feels warm and cozy for the one that lived here their whole lives but I'm not sure how it really is
long term for foreigners because there is also a bad side and some creepy people that makes
people life difficult and just from experiencing the craziness in that hotel I knew the mental state
wasn't high around. Each day was a new day, some days were spent walking outside in little
village paths, just walking and scrolling around and trying out pastries or stoping by parks some
days we watch movies, did summer school work, played with my boy water gun by the balcony,
go shopping and get pizzas, some days we get gyros and ice cream and create some paintings
and other days just wrote or read books, some days I got inspired to draw faces and it became
my hobby that month, I also planned for what happen next and that took lot of my mental space,
wondering, worrying and trying to stay safe was always the taught in my mind because you just
never know in new countries and we don't get treated better or nicer just because you are
friendly you'll get treated poorly just because you not from there or because you get to be on
vacation and they don't, you just never can assume how things will go but as long has you have
some ideas and some plans and feel ok about it then you can make things happen. Maybe
before I hit 50 I'll have another child and Kendall won't be this only child but that needs to
happen fast because I'm turning 42 next week and hopefully my eggs aren't too old to ovulate,
lol just being funny! I can't believe I'm that old, I really can't I remember being 32 just like it was
yesterday, to be honest a lot of my fears and what hold me back at my brother was my mother's
thoughts in my mind and she managed to install so much fear in me that I was terrorized to
leave somehow just made me feel like things will come after me,I'll say to myself" I'll ruin them
again and embarrass myself again etc.." I wanted to leave a few time but I taught about what
she would say to everyone and the chaos she'll create if I did and what I would say about the
car insurance since she was paying it, it was giving her a place for control, the school my son
was in since she worked there and knew most people ect .. all of theses strings attach made it
impossible for me to leave at the time. There were enough games for him to keep busy and stay
smart and happy. I'll balance the meals so he would always eat healthy and lower his sugar
intake some weeks and make him drink more water. Not having a father in his life apart from
when he was 2 wasn't that difficult to do but it's the judgment that make you feel inferior, you
have a harder time alone because you got to pay for daycare, babysitters and sometime you
can't and for me it was a huge problem when I wanted to work and couldn't because I ended up
in bad day care or couldn't trust the babysitters so school really help to give me some freedom
for the very first time in four years I had a few hours to myself, when it started but it wasn't
always the best hours to find jobs and the hardest hours for job openings, see couples they can
help each other this way, I sacrifice choosing to be poor and jobless to be with my kid for years
to keep him safe as well and find ways to make money instead of blindly throwing him in a
daycare that I couldn't trust. I had some good experiences but mainly really bad ones in low
income families daycare in USA, Even today now that my son is home school I have to figure
out how to earn money more and make sure he does he's classwork on his own, lots of people
take this for granted, having someone for 13 years versus don't have anyone but at least when
he reach 6 to 9 I was able to have his grandparents on occasions to watch him and that was a
good break. All I wanted for him was a safe and healthy home and stop moving around so
much. I lived a fast life and sometimes a lonely road but it started as a very happy and fun road
filled with lots of friends and family in it and I want it to end the same way if not for me, for him in
the future. In terms of houses I saw a few in Spain, Portugal's, Serbia, and other territories that
look promising and I will keep on looking for them. I spoke with that Portugal real estate agent
for a few months before we even got too Albania and had map out the direction already to meet
him at his office in Porto he had two house in the countryside I wanted, I told him I will come by
in a few months, but a few months later it turn out he wasn't a legit agent and I was so glad I
didn't invest in it. For my 41th birthday I went to a nice pizzeria and got a large chocolate
mousse cake. We sprayed each other with the water gun for an hour and just laughed and
played games to make the time more enjoyable. I looked at all my Facebook messages and
emails and responded and thanked everyone and my parents for always being generous. It was
super hot there and I was always walking up hills so I was losing weight and fast, the room was
long enough to do yoga and perform pilates
stretches and to not be too confined to give space, I'll set up on the side corner and make my
bed on the ground. He even finds ways to play hide and seek in the closet. Kids don't think
about growing up problems or worrying about little things like adults do and it makes it more fun
and lively and it's better this way because they'll have to deal with being adults later and some
lose their joy and passion when they grow up. I have seen people unrecognizable changing
their entire being, because they couldn't be close to their past anymore or it reminded them too
many good time and they couldn't have them anymore so it was better that way, I always
wanted to see more happy faces in the world, I preach for years in the possibilities to make
people happier, better, smiling more and now I don't feel this way as much but I think the ones
that do want to get there can.
With the life that I had I always imaging that one day I'll get to tell everyone about it because I
was truly one of the kind living in this fantastic dreamy world getting along with everyone,
laughing often and always on the go meeting people and I do miss it, I was like that super busy
women always on the phone and on the go and smiling. After Sauk I took a bus ticket to
Sarande which was four hours away from us by bus in the south by the beach. It looks very
similar to what Montenegro looks like so I figured why not give it a shot, so there we were riding
with the mountain of Albania near the clearest blue water I had never seen and lakes, river
streams, and a beautiful ride.

Chapter 6)
During that trip I saw the guy didn't have the properties I wanted in Montenegro so maybe I'll
look in Saranda Albania instead, I thought to myself. We booked a month again I didn't want to
keep moving around from hotel to hotel and stress out so I would have to make the best of it,
yes it was loud at night and the host was weird and creepy but we had a large room with a
balcony, wifi and a kitchen to use with a TV and sofa, I hated the hill tip walks daily just to go
back in, that was harsh and I must have lost two lb everytime. This town was a party city days
and nights, you could see the water from my balcony and the giant pirate boats all light up and
hear the loudusic from the 90's, it was refreshing to see and the breeze was a amazing, I
remember standing on that balcony thinking (OMG) this coast beach view is fantastic!) I barely
ever got eaten up by mosquitoes and the food was so cheap apart from beach stores. You
could buy large chicken, steak or beef gyros for $2 with fries and a seat at a table by the water. I
couldn't believe I was being served for that price. I could tell that locals lost their life or
appreciation for the view and I can't blame them if you see something daily for twenty years it
probably doesn't look that good anymore. If they never got the chance to travel outside of their
country I can understand why they wouldn't feel so joyful but monotone. I'm sure some of them
have gone outside of Albania to nearest countries and they have boats to corfu Greece right in
front of them so it's convenient. There are plenty of small travel agencies there to organize your
trips to the jungle, the tours and they have four wheeler quads and jeeps trips, boats and
private boat tours on motor boats, large ships or smaller vessels. Fishing trips as well, you can
also just go on ship to party and dance for a few hours every Friday and Saturday. It's the
perfect spot for children's and youngster for a week getaway we got to have this for a entire
month, it feels like being in a small Ibiza , Spain , parts of Italy and Venice France were it's
always party time, I had some friends guys from my village that like it so much there they made
it their home later but they probably realize been in a party town lose its charm after a while, it's
like eating ice cream everyday I promise you won't like it has much in a few.months, you might
even despise it. Speaking of ice cream they had medium upgrade ice cream with a large con for
$1 and some places sold them for 50 cents , a number car and arcade area, ferry's wheel and
scooters for rent so you can stroll the entire beach on scooters. There even a Elvis Presley bar
and a few rooftop clubs that look really good and five stars hotels, I notice many private beach
from some hotel that weren't even more than $40/night and will not only have pools, private
beach but breakfast included much better that this broken room I got in Texas, with people
knocking at my door days and night, housekeeper asking me to through my own trash, staff that
doesn't furnish toilet paper or towels or even garbage bag and let you sleep with a broken bed,
a broken microwave and a half working fridge and lucky us the toilet seem to flush and no you
don't get breakfast but that the difference between what you get in Albania versus in USA for
$40/night tax included. Another thing is that all taxes are always included in everything so you
never pay extra like in America. After so long you don't even notice you are paying taxes but
you don't realize that your $50 purchase turns into $60 and your $10 turns into $11 so would
you have bought it? Think probably not. Most people on This Beach Blvd are usually friendly
and the servers are especially very attentive, kind, fast and the best dining experience you could
get with some of the least expectations.
I have came across lots of tourists and group exiting the daily boat to explore they'll arrive into
bunk by hundreds and a few kayak or boat drivers sometime will anchor for a few hours, the
water was great but it was unfortunately filthy filled with garbage and after a month of swimming
my face was filled with buttons and my back I thought maybe I had ate too many greasy gyros
but that didn't look like normal pimples, it's was really gross and no matter what I did it wouldn't
go away, I saw a women getting angry at people once about how nasty the water and she was
right! It might look beautiful but once you seat by the little sand Rock you can see the filth the
thousands of glasses, pieces of cigarettes and bottle caps, also crap from all the dog going to
swim or on walks.so I didn't meet my prince charming here and you so need to watch out lots of
people steal from the beach so you have to be on a constant crime watch and it's hard to relax.
If I had been alone perhaps I would have maybe thought about dating but this wasn't the time
and place for it. I always imagine a guy that was tan, normal high, great smile and blue or green
eyes with a few tattoos who played the guitar or the drum on his little boat, the laid back white
vagabond artist philosopher to be my match. I'm sure there is a match for me somewhere and I
will meet him when it's time. We cook large platter of pasta often, bought bags of Greek olives
and nuts, feta cheese and there oil that people like so much, fresh veggies and made really
good dish while we were here, all pizzas here are cook in wood oven and are usually thin and
don't cost more than $3.00 unless you go to restaurant, I did went to real estate agency to try to
buy a apartment or a small property but it was really hard to get a ahold of anyone, they don't
answer calls or emails and when you go in person they act like they have no idea why you are
in their shop, the guy there insisted to reshow me the inside of apartment and did a small
presentation that consist of showing the inside of the rooms and nothing else, I insisted I already
look at everything and wanted to see the apartment I person and wanted to know this address
but I wouldn't get answers instead he insist of showing me bedroom sets that were all in deep
purple colors, witch was odd because each picture or room were mainly just in purple but it
wasn't enough for him to show me the same thing three times, he close the blind and roll the
video five time and stop the picture in the purple bed cover, I started to feel like he was being a
bully and was trying to call me guay or something, that was so weird that this stranger want to
single out people that want his business because he's insecurities and assumptions, so
anyways that give you a idea of the business shingles around here , if this is your business
person you better run, the reason being is they only seeking the naive no speaker foreigner with
plenty of money that they can screw over so their cheap prices aren't reel and even if you did
get this prices they'll harass you and invade your privacy. We rented a car to see the blue eye
river stream it was definitely a trip worth the my time, the ride to go there is wild and very sandy
and has lots of bumps of the roads until it becomes just dirt for a few miles all the way down to
the water, the water was extremely cold and it has a cute path to follow and most most people
were in the water, my son got stuck in the middle I had to through a piece of wood for him to
reach the river bank, we then walk to see the waterfall bear the restaurant and took some
pictures and then hop back in my cab when it was over the ride was longer than the time spent
there that's because even know the river goes a very long way there is only a tiny spot to see
the blue eye and to get in the water, the blue eye itself was something to see just giant Bubble
under the blue water and yes the water is deep blue like. To see videos or pictures go see my
Instagram (vcreativeart16) and youtube channel (superkendall30) I spent lots of time scanning
this internet web for cheap houses in cheap countries, it was exciting to do and just to imagine
even know the reality isn't always has great has the picture but in rare occasion you could lend
on a steal, you never know and you also can't quit because there enough opportunities and
deals for everyone and enough people on earth to make that happen for you, when I use to be
depressed or down my mind will get narrow a and I'll forget that they were so many incredible
human being in this world overshadow by the the negative things and feel daily, sometime in the
dark you just can't see clearly. Clear up your mind and you'll see much better all the beauty still
remaining on the planets, yes there are lots of crazy Ladies and dudes and sick minded
individuals too busy committing crimes to realize how nasty they have become. Anyways I
wanted to find a place I. Romania, Ukraine or Argentina were I originally planned on moving to
before they closed their border. Funny how things can change in a slight of a second. One
moment I'm all planning to move to Argentina and can see myself there living my new life and
the next I'm here living in Mexico with no passeport sharing an apartment with Mexicans and
other foreigners. I did see a few houses in Bulgaria I wanted to possibly invest in but later found
out about certain gangs and areas highly dangerous and that made me change my mind. I had
planned to get a car and see them but I ended up just going to see grotto instead. The state of
mind in Bulgaria is low and sick. I kept getting dead ends so I just kept on moving, one things
after a other will either make you stay still or change plans, that's the problem when you land in
bad places you get overwhelmed and so tired and there you find yourself just making decisions
too quickly but in a way it's better than no decisions. I brought a entire luggage filled with
antique and brand name or celebrity plushies I had almost 200 of them I wanted to distribute
throughout all the places I would end up going and I did give almost everything I had apart from
a dozen I kept for my family and the nephews and nieces and kept two for myself that look really
cool, after Albany I went back to back to the long bus to Tirana airport to Bulgaria. Bulgaria
taught me a lot, I became more humble, appreciate music and religions more, family values and
monuments, shapes and sculptures, architectures ect .. their metro stations are like art
museums they look absolutely stunning, the food was the best there and there cheese to die for,
they have all the us fast food and liddle for grocery stores and others small chains, it's always
fresh and their bakery section are so cheap. You can find large chocolate croissants for 30cens,
croissants for 25 cents and baguettes for 40 celebs that actually taste great . Lots of mosque,
cathedrals, small bus attach to lines downtowns, traffic and taxis driver trying to survive, large
parks and kids fairs and grotto to see all over the country, I saw a few cathedrals and lots of
enormous sculpture, fountains surrounded by hundreds of pigeons, you also see lots of
homeless people and guys seeking gyros that's a coming thing here just like Espresso
machines that are everywhere you can buy a coffee or Espresso for pennies, you also see lots
of musicians on corner stairs spot near metro entrance, you can also find lots of big malls and
hotels anywhere, we visited the zoo and art museums and even if I try to get to every area it
would have took me forever to do everything it was too big and too populated with buildings.
Lots of clothing's stores in random areas, apartment complexes behind main streets, it looks a
little like some place in the suburban areas of France. I heard people calling others names and
there is some kind of LGBT hate going around for some reasons. I remember buying a use
tablet and the guy call me a queer indirectly and then it happen when I was asking prices in a
hotel, I was surprised because I didn't think I look gay but knowing I didn't date in a while maybe
they smell my flora essence and since I didn't seem to be interested in dating men at the
moment they assumed I was gay. In this world we have a lot of varieties of people and there are
people there who choose to change their sex, their sexual relationships and there are some that
don't have a choice and feel as if they were always the opposite sex. Some people seem to
confuse femininity and masculinity with being gay, I think with all the movement going on it's
getting in people's heads.

Chapter 7)
A new day a new story

Today is a new day and we are going to venture into a new flesh era together, let's go!! Or
should I say allons y ! In french. After a great time in Bulgaria we took the bus to Istanbul
unfortunately it was a late bus and we would arrive in early morning at the bus station of
Istanbul. This is all they had available, I paid in person and it took me some time to figure out
where the mini bus station was located at first I went to the train station and was told it was
underneath us and didn't see anything so I went back up and ask a other lady at the front desk
and she directed me to the side building a few meters away, it was getting dark out and we grab
a coffee and hot chocolate at their machine and a slice of hot pizza in the station I was trying to
get rid of all my Bulgaria coins and bills but I always try to keep a few pennies for souvenir sake.
So I walked to the main bus station and it did look like one and ask but it appear that none of the
dashboards were announcing my destination action, now I was getting worried because I only
had 45 minute left before the departure and needed to confirm my ticket at the counter, I walk
around by the parking lot and in between small gyro shop I saw a few window shops that had a
bus park in front of them, it was literally just a tiny square entrance we're you give out your
name and they print your ticket or pull one out of a roll. We step in early and they were giving
complimentary tea and coffee abroad, the driver were smoking constantly and the people were
laughing for hours right next to us, I look around and noone was reacting witch it was very odd
because it was very quiet in this entire bus and here are theses two young adults guys coughing
in a phony way and not a single reaction in the bus, they did this for hours from 10pm to 2 am I
wondered how could people sleep this way, I tried to watch my downloaded movies since their
wifi wasn't functioning but even with it it didn't buffer the sound. I focused on closing my eyes
and tried to rest while my son was having a good time watching TV. He wasn't annoyed by it.
When we cross the border we had to get out of the bus and go through customs and I had to
pay for visas and they wouldn't take credit cards so I figure I was going to have to return to
Bulgaria but one of the staff walked me through the back of a gate and show me a ATM
authorized just for staff and once my money came out he grab it and counted it, it was weird that
he would do this, it made me uncomfortable he also gave me the weird look a few time like I
must be crazy to not know I'll have to get visas but I told him I had traveled a lot, had a lot to
plan and think of and I read everything I could on the subject and it didn't said I needed a visa
coming by bus if I didn't arrive from this USA but I guess since I was a american in their eyes it
didn't change anything maybe this was intended for Europeans. I couldn't believe how much the
drivers were smoking during our 8 hour trip not only this but we had to smell it too, then we did
another stop after I smoked everyone down with my visa need, we stop to use the restroom but
they were close so I saw a women going under the gate so I did the same thing I couldn't wait
any longer and it started and chain everyone did it too and laughed. Once we arrived into the
Istanbul station everyone was sleeping and hassling in every streets, I walked in the plaza
across to see what kind of drinks of food I could get and got a large chicken gyros for $1.59 and
then giant salty pretzel for $2 for 10 of them, I made a pretty good deal on this, croissant for 50
cents and manage to get change to pay for my toilette pass with cost 5 cents, it was a round
6am and the streets were full of cars and taxes and people crossing from the station to the
plaza to the other side of the busy roads, everything appears to look similar linea. Giant globe
reflecting in the shadow of the sun when I walked out of the plaza and walked around I felt I was
in the same area of the bus station but I actually was in the back of it, it took me twenty minute
to find my way back for a second I thought I was hallucinating and started to panic maybe
between being tired and the little stress and arriving to a new country it got to me. I had a
reservation already but I wanted to see if I could find something by foot first that could allow me
to save on the taxi but didn't find anything so around 10.30 am I hopped in my taxi and went on
the fastest ride and wild ride I ever had with a cab! I sweated a little thinking oh my god is this
guy going to crash into a wall? Thinking ' why is he driving so fast?" But then saw that everyone
was in the same boat including the tiny little cars, scooters and guys rolling their food cart, it was
the war of the car races taking places in middle of Istanbul, I was holding on to my seatbelt
hoping for the best, I saw the taxi driver smiling at times I think he was having a blast scaring
us.Istanbul is incredible and you should definitely go visit, I loved it! The music the largest
market in the world was literally a mile away, lots of bridges, cruises and mosques, long
cathedrals and streets filled with food places, carpets shop and thea stores witch is very popular
here and ice cream fudges, gyros and their traditional restaurants but there is also a lots of
hotels and spas made just for tourists and Haman's, saunas is being advertised often,
merchants witch cheap jewels and they speak to everyone that walk by them it was rare when
not one guy wouldn't try to get me to enter his shop, when I 't twice I felt trap and force to buy,
they'll always seem sweet and innocent and super friendly but everything is calculated to get
you to buy something so don't get fooled. I loved seeing the palaces, the shapes of buildings
with large arcs, you often see these giant pretzels being sold on sidewalks. I had one right
under my hotel room. They also have popular restaurants where they break pots and glasses in
front of the customer when they serve the meal. It's a tradition and part of this entertainment
experience tourists want to have so you'll see the remaining of the pieces layout into a garden
gate surrounding their business and restaurants. Dogs and cats are welcome everywhere and
get fed by owners anywhere along the path and shops streets. Beside galleries, museums and
ocean walk you can walk among the bridge and see the sunset or ride a boat I enjoyed walking
on the rock across the water it was magical there, the peaceful breeze and watching the waves
movement had a calming effect.my hotel WA sin the heart centric location and just a few steps
from the palace so I could almost go in any directions and visit the hot spots, we were served
free cappuccinos and juices l days and got a brunch every morning for $22/night I was
impressed! It wasn't your powder cappuccinos but an Espresso machine with cappuccino foam
and flavors added, I basically could choose from 10 combinations. Often you'll see cake shops
with places to sit to have tea and cake served to you with fudges or their very sweet candy bars
or caramel fudge pieces or Arabic desserts. For less than $5 you could get a pretty large piece
of cake and the footlong subway sandwiches only cost $2.25 which isn't bad compared to our
$8.50 one in America. My room was small but charming with this large window that had the best
view, I could see at least 500 persons just looking at my nearsighted horizon.one night I walk by
my bedframe and kick my foot right in the corner and my toe started to bleed nonstop I walk
down a db ask for bandages and when they saw the blood they give me this entire box, lol it
was a little painful but I survived. That same day I had my period so here I am bleeding from all
places living stains in the bed sheets and was afraid they'll get mad but too my surprise that day
I came came from a walk and they had change my sheets and give me new towels and never
said a thing.They is plenty of cars sleeping in rocks by the water and fisherman's daily to see
and people playing volleyball witch is very cool to see, but in this outside of the downtown it
feels less lively and more sadness and suffering in the people living here permanently. I even
saw homeless guys weeping between the rocks they had build a campsite there and no one
cared to bother them you can spot lots of beer bottle and cigarette butts also because everyone
live to just sit here and watch the sun goes down in the water and admire the water in this late
evening, I had plenty of years enjoying a nice buzz and doing the same thing, I remember
watching the birds flying, the feel of the night the breeze embracing your cheek bones, the
peace and quiet it gave you, yes I could enjoy it without the buzz but it was so much more
enjoyable with it then as long has it wasn't a daily thing it was fine but when alcohol was needed
for every time I sat somewhere for a few hours then it look more like a addiction than anything
else, when you become dependant like this you'll seat almost anywhere to have a drink, I
remember hiding in bushes, seating behind bridges or were almost seats just so I could have a
drink. Istanbul is very strong on religions and you LL hear the bell and songs coming from the
mosques at night and early morning everyday, it's wild to experience but you get use to it, my
hotel was old fashion like was in the 90' s I tried three hotel during my three weeks there and it
was almost what hotels were when I was 19 , I was reliving my younger years there and not
complaining or needed to have a better TV, better bathtub or something else, when we were
young we never had wifi and still managed to have the best times everywhere we went. Like
Hassler's there you will get the same treatment with hotel clerks and can drivers, they'll
approach you and try to get close to you by offering something free but if you agree it will end
up costing you so you need to watch out. I enjoy how everyone smiles and the service you get
from any restaurant waiter, you'll always get the best service and make you feel like royalty. If
you wanted to meet people you could do tours or meet on meetup groups like meetups.com or
eventbrite.com there are usually lots of options in most countries if big cities have a chance to
meet people but they can be away from your location and not always free. When you reach 40 it
becomes even harder to make new friends but not impossible.With the Covid situations, the war
in Ukraine, the fires in California and the dead fish flying in various places not to mention the
death threats and high school shootings people are becoming more and more scared. If you can
remember anything from Istanbul it will be the temples, the mosque and the thea stores, the
music and the traffic and cheap pretzels. When it was time to leave at 3am I ride my last Uber in
this city to this airport while admiring the beautiful architecture on the highways and the small
very old maintain tours and I'm not sure what they were but it's was mesmerizing at the
moment, we enter the airport and it's spectacular sight I wasn't expecting it to look that
majestical with lots of gold like painted walls, colognes and perfume stores all around, I was
given a little bit of hard time at the counter and had to refill my Covid forms a few time but
eventually was able to pass the baggage check ang get to my gate on time, we were heard to
London, I never intended to go to London it was never entered in my roadmap plans but my son
had enough of all the moving around so since December was arriving and he had been patient
enough I decided to bring him to his dream destination. He had told me about many YouTubers
on YouTube that were from England and many movies he live were made here and he really
wanted to see the London bridge and Big Ben so I was thrilled to at least make him happy but I
knew it was going to cost me much more than expected but he's happiness meant more than
saving money at the time. In my road map I had Egypt, South Africa , Thailand and India or
Vietnam, Peru ect. I tried to stay in order so it would cost less in flights but things happen when
you travel to foreign countries and you don't always end up doing everything you had managed
to do which is perfectly normal and at least you had a plan which is better than none. Having an
end master plan allows you to stay on track and know your ending goals but if your plan
changes your ending goal might slightly change as well but you could simply change it a little
without altering completely this idea behind the plan, the ending goals, prizes, things you did for
a specific reason. Sometimes along the path things happen and we start to forget why we
started the plans and goals in the first place. We get lost for a little while, start to question our
motive and think maybe it was dumb or idiotic or not taught through enough and anxiety takes
over and when we relax and get back on track we start to reinforce our goals and reasons and
our journey keeps going. Often when we share our goals too much we can get influenced by
others from their opinions or judgements. We can start to think maybe we aren't on the right
track or the opposite, everyone's journey is unique so we can't compare ourselves to anyone
really. When I road map some of the countries I wanted to reach I wrote down all the places that
were easy to get too and very cheap first and then was going to surround everything to the
nearest country by either train, boat or plane if I had too, I knew I'll meet other foreigners along
my path and I had read enough reviews on travel blogs to know the best tricks and tips on how
to get the most of each places. While I did this trips I read three books that spoke about
traveling with a backpack, squatting in sofas, working for free rent, teach English online for
money and all the ways to travel in the cheap it kept me going knowing that others like me did it
and they left everything behind, had no more strings to hold them back and threw themselves
into the unknown. I enjoy reading about where to eat and have the best food, where to buy
cheap flight tickets and when, how to see everything and not break the bank, how to stay safe
and earn money and the ways they experienced everything. In the past I watch a lots of blog
vlog traveler on YouTube and mini van traveler that talked about how they made money using
their travel YouTube channel and it really inspire me to try, I knew inside I was so far from ever
getting paid anything from YouTube and there was no way I'll actually receive a income from my
channel unless I became this massive star or well known person or if I meet the right person
that helps me to get my channel to the top. Just picturing becoming a travel journalist sounded
really good! Eventually I'll knock on business doors and ask if they want to be interviewed and
that will bring more traction to the channel. I spend the year hiring fiver worker to get more views
and watch hours and work on improving my shorts I also read about the short funds so it was
worth the shot, if I had my channel monetize by July and was picked to receive funds for my
shorts I could receive up to $3000 but I wasn't counting on it I knew it was just a possibility so I'll
try this and learn to get money in. I started with 150 subscribers and reached 1100 in a year. It's
not a big number compared to known channels but it puts me in a better light for getting more
views. I knew that if nothing good came out of my mini world tour I would at least either have
great stories to tell, write a small book like this one, get a great journalist job because of it or
another great job and it will look good in my resumer, and I could make videos and shorts that
will be more attractive that taking the sunset and trails near me or the same old stuff in my state
and cities I was visiting. I did have great stuff doing that but I wanted to be that women that seat
in the plane and walk in airport talking about her next destination, I knew this was me and I
needed to be there and not we're I was in the back corner behind the stove hidden from the light
and the powerful the universe can give you. I had nothing to prove to anyone anymore so I
concentrated on my live ones, me and not on getting the things others wanted from me like
having a group of friends and a simple job, I wanted this too but I push theses things away
because I purposely didn't want to please anyone anymore, I felt I did try to please people I care
about for so long and it never played out and did anything for me but later a few months later I
realize that because of that thought I wasn't meeting people like I could have been. I also focus
on trying to promote my GoFundMe to raise money for children's but it never picks up for a
reason or another life will throw you tomatoes and rocks right when you get better at something
or receive a ward or you win something or you become super successful. We also with
volunteers tried to get sponsored but never heard back so I decided to just focus on growing
and eventually one day I'll get that first sponsor that actually pays you or sends you products to
review. Traveling even just by yourself and your kid is something that open your horizons, my
horizons were always open throughout my life but when I stop traveling and got trap and
stagnant because of fear and addiction I started to forget about the world and all its people and
my universe got smaller and smaller and negativity became a daily visitor in my life for years
holding me back from myself out in the world once a again. When I was younger I was so wild
that I truly put myself in all kind of trouble all the time so it wouldn't have been safe for me to go
do my world tour in my twenties I would have been raped, kidnap and rob or killed easily, I'm not
saying it would have happened by certainty but they were 85% chances, I already would find
trouble just a few miles from our house so it would not have been taken long when I was with a
friend I was protected so theses friend would always tell me not to do something or go
somewhere and stay safe. I often wouldn't listen but I was glad they would help out and be here
when I needed, often my mother would pick me up or give me direction to get me out of a place
I lend it by mistake, once I took the wrong train for a summer camp and ended in a soccer team
wagon and ride the train not knowing it was the wrong one for 6h, I call her and told her I was
not at the camp and took another train back and arrived late at night when I got there everyone
give me a huge applause and it felt like I was already family because they knew this entire
situation and took charge and work with my.mother.another time I didn't come back from a night
club in Paris, was hangover and stay at some older rich guy house and decided to stay this
afternoon a d was planning on taking the train back but they weren't any and I didn't have a
phone I was16 I believe she called the police search unit and they started the search she
thought I was dead and I came back later around 7pm and told her I had to hitchhike my way
home and didn't have change to call her, I did put her into stressful situation before but she also
contributed to my stress which usually led me to want to get out and escape often.
Reexperience world travel from a new fresh set of eyes can be good for the soul. When you
alone on a journey you have to put in a mission impossible hat and take control of everything in
your life, during this world tour I barely had anyone to speak too about it but I had my little crowd
online always here to cheer me up in my sad days, a sweet comment or a nice emoji can go a
long ways theses day, for some people receiving likes and comment make their week and it
helps someone after coming off a surgery, someone who just find out they have cancer,
someone that just lost someone or going through a divorce or going through a custody battle ,
someone that is so depressed that any amount of likes make them feel better, Facebook and
Instagram are good for that not Twitter that send you all this hate messages.So here you are a
sergeant on a mission the mission of life in this universe a mission you alone can move along
and conquer, you don't always necessarily need to be present in all the places on earth to learn
about cultures you can walk to Barnes and nobles books a million or La fnac and head to the
travel section and read, go to library event and attend shows about countries that you don't
know about, walk to China towns and Korean places, try Indian food and speak to the staff or
organize cultural events, lots of event and languages classes out there are given free or for a
small fee, and if you meet foreigner ask them about their world. In France we have Arabic and
China , côte d'Ivoire, Martinique, la reunion,Haiti and Spain, Portugal, Italy and Belgium
immigrants or tourists. We often see all kinds of people from Europe visiting Paris and lots of
Chinese and Koreans Japanese visitors. Documentaries are a good start and just stepping in a
travel agency you can learn a lot but if you are eager to know more go to take a course on travel
and take jobs that involve tourism that will allow you to learn the perks and deals in the business
and you'll find ways to to book your first destination in no time or make your first move, you can
also start with a long road trip to a new country, in France we were just a few hours from
reaching Spain, Italy, Monaco you could go to any country by train too including England. When
I sign up with free online travel program I tried to certified in river cruise touring or tour guide for
the Bahamas or wedding nuptial destinations, dreamy places that I'll spend hours staring at
thinking I could be there one day, I had been in my young years but it felt so far away when I
was poor and broken sleeping with cockroaches falling from the ceiling into my bed. Rats
running up and down on my legs and living off hangovers and sick men insulting me by daily
texts. Here I was looking really fit but feeling so low inside with what felt like nothing to show, I
just wanted to dream a little. I tried once to sell travel deals and cruise vacation with two
different companies. I attempted but failed. It seems pretty hard to get clients from home when
you don't have anybody to sell to. I just remained still and waited for my chance to one day go
places. I told myself I need to say yes more and do more and I didn't see how much I had grown
since the broken women I had become in 2013. My younger self said yes to everyone and
everything so I never miss out on the fun and learning something, I felt fulfilled and content all
the time and also happy most of the time. I always wanted to become a actress younger I
dreamed to be on a TV set and be all glamor up and see my movies and picture in magazine,
the cool part is now you can have your picture everywhere one the web so I'm pretty satisfied
even know I don't look young and beautiful like I use to be I'm still standing after all the ups and
down in my life I'm proud to be alive and happier at 42, I don't think I can do any better but too
loose weight and maintain a balance life and try to share everything I know with others that
needs it. I waited until I was 30 to start my YouTube channel it was very important to me back
then, it meant a lot, just imagine spending a decades lining up at auditions, sending letters or
videos and taking classes, theaters,waiting to be chosen for a role and even doing volunteering
near actors or being a extra just to be closer to the scenes and suddenly you have a TV channel
and can do anything, I spend years imagining being in TV and here I was in front of a screen
and I didn't need to wait for permission, yes I had small roles given to me, I act in theaters
before and been a extra and did some acting classes and loved it 100% the same amount has I
enjoyed sending my poem into contests or a manuscript to a publishing company. It's sad I
removed all my dancing videos but I still tried to make new videos all the time and when I
integrated my company, podcast and travel playlists, self help videos to it it m became better
and better, connecting with others online and sharing poems, short stories, paintings is a joy,
sharing and reading positive quotes make me feel good and tarot card reading and astrology
are always part of me as well, daily I see my tarot cards and it always improve my mood, I
suggest trying it. Until I reach 30 my social media life didn't exist, all I will do is share a few
picture for Christmas or on rare occasions and say hi to old friends and seek to find lost ones, it
was exciting just to know that now we could find people we lost contact with for years and years
and had no ways to know where they could be living and because of Facebook I could find them
within minutes and reconnect as soon as possible, it was a thrilled itself, I also could go in there
if things were really bad and speak to someone if I had noone I could call, back then I still had a
few friends I could call or text and lots of friends of Facebook to share my problems too. Back
then we i had a need to speak I could now I usually just share to strangers or Facebook friends
directly on my timeline witch is something I would have never ever done before, I wouldn't just
share my problems with the world on social medias but when you went through the worse in life,
list most of your friends and have no family left to speak with after you spent a decade alone
you don't care anymore, I don't even realize it anymore, I had faster reply or comment this way
that trying to find a new friend or speak to a old friend that wants nothing to do with me or we
just don't click anymore, when you aren't spoke for years to someone and they knew that you
went down a hard road and was so down on yourself nonfunctioning they have a hard time to
start a conversation and same with you. I did tried but it will cause pain very often and after
years of that I couldn't do it anymore, I needed to refresh my friendships and get rid of old ones
that didn't serve me any longer.It took a while and I saw a few friends that went through the
same as I did but they were in such poor shape themselves they couldn't reach out either, it's
very sad for anyone to see someone. suffering alone and you can't help them even if you
wanted too, they need to help themselves in their own and find out who they were before they
weren't that anymore, in my case I had a excuse I was exceptional human living in a creeper
world but making it a magical one daily and bringing the magic to others along my path. So
becoming normal like most people would call normal wasn't me, it was becoming a different
human being. Instead of knowing my power I listen to people I trusted and they made me feel as
who I was wasn't extraordinary and special but weird and and normal and that I was this only
one that didn't realize it, that my magic world that brought me to life thousands of friendships,
connections, fun and all the great stuff you ever wanted was not good. When I started to believe
this I lost myself and my power of being, I followed a path that wasn't mine and thoughts that
weren't mine either. Making greek life connections was possible and great and noone was
spending time online we were more connected with people in general, thank God we still have
event and real connections but less that we had back then, by example before this web
exploration became a thing when you meet someone you would go out somewhere spend hours
talking and go try out activities or hobbies and everyone would be outside talking to someone
instead of scrolling this internet. Today lots of people hide behind their computer, sending out
mean stuff if they feel jealous and then hide, acting like they want to connect but for a few or a
program, you say hello and like and share post but none is really talking to you , years go by
and I can count on my finger how many actually conversations I had. I think most people are
starting to see this and trying to get people to shut down their social media addiction that
prevents them from making real human connections for years. You see more and more classes
or live videos on how to stop being on social media platforms for more than 25 minutes per day.
I'm glad and I'm caught up in the same cycles as everyone else, I did a podcast episode or two
in the subjects about this obsessions we have to record, take pictures all the time and share e
them, I quit Facebook for two months and came right back, I did manage to reduce my social
media presence and use it for work and to learn and attend live training mainly and to speak
with friends. Yes I share posts of others and my pictures and ideas but not to gain affections,
impress or be valued like I use too but for better greater good reasons. I always gone after
things without fear in my younger years I wanted to help everyone feel happy and the sad ones
or cranky ones I wanted to change them by showing them that the world wasn't so bad and they
could choose to be happier if they wanted too.one thing I wish I did back then is record
ourselves because apart from a few develop pictures I don't have any videos from my past just
from my family when I was a kid in vacation or in holidays. Being able to see myself in my late
teenager years would show me that I was so amazing to others and a good person that nothing
was wrong with me and I didn't need to change anything but maybe it wasn't me the problem
but the people near me and that would have help me to see the truth and maybe I wouldn't had
suffer like I did. If you go years without therapy, help with unhealed traumas and smoke
hashish, drink and use sex for therapy when you reach 30 you'll have no voice like me, you'll be
hurt easily and don't know how to cope but the usually way by going out dancing, getting wasted
and date a lot. My drinking got worse later in the thirties but they were already bad between 26
to 30 and I really started to drink alone after my 30's when I realize I barely had anyone to talk
too and felt lonely and bored, the pain inside to not being able to share my truths to anyone to
not being able to tell anyone all my injustices I was a victim off kill me inside, and that's why I
wrote about it a few time on groups and in books, at the time I didn't have a outlet to share my
concerns and problems neither through social medias or YouTube, all we had was myspace
and Facebook for rare chats, I often just share all my anger and hate and remorse to new
boyfriends I barely knew. Some stayed and we're sweet and others just wanted to have some
fun. I had fun too at times but they often disappear after. a few encounters, there were a few
guys that I had such a good time with I never forgot to these day.addictions and traumas
associated can really make you go in spirals and make you go crazy.

Chapter 8)
My memories of London weren't really great apart from when I was a young child and in my 14
years of age when I went back on a school trip for a week. I remember these were always so
exciting to be with your friends and classmates somewhere new and seeing your teachers
outside of the classroom for once. I remember living with two different families in the suburbs of
England for two weeks at a time, I'll eat with them, cook, go to church and even go on the
children's outdoor activities, the last time I visited was for my Steiner cruise training I had went
to Malaga Spain to interview and pass it with excellence and met a cool guy there we spend two
days visiting the city after the interviews, he had fail his witch was sad because he really wanted
it, we said goodbye and a few week later I took a plane to London for the training I was just
nearly 26 and started my career as a massage therapist in August of my 23 year old of age, I
started in a very fancy spa near Cortez road and 75th st w, it was inside a very large two stairs
mini mansion for high paying clients that would get full treatments including nail, facials and
massage and hair sometime, most of the time we had clients that received a gift card for a
anniversary, a birthday or Christmas but very often as a wedding gift. Sometimes just elderly
enjoy their freedom and hard earned money. It was a wonderful way to begin my career and I
was delighted to be able to work in such high end day spa, after that I find a other spa to get
extra money and I worked in Tampa for while, a day spa in Bradenton and a chiropractor, i
rented my own offices and rooms in various places and build a clienteles and did very well and
then it was time to go work on my cruiseship, I heard of this beforehand I actually was planning
on going right after I graduated at 23 but a boyfriend I just met didn't want me to go I didn't care
I was going but my mother that was founded of him taught I could give him a chance and go
later but it turn out the guy manage to do huge damage in my last in little as six months, he took
my $2500 very first credit cards that I didn't even want but he insisted that I get it then he broke
and destroyed my brand new apartment that he chooses and made me use my perfect credit to
get it and then made me buy a car and never made payment so at 23 I had never even had a
chance to use my very first credit card or even enjoy my perfect credit he left me with a lawsuit
of $2500 for this apartment after he wouldn't move out I had to leave and he destroyed
everything, then the car dealership repossess the car and charges me $500 then he abandon
the dog we adopted and ask me for more money every time he saw me and now my credit is
destroyed,so I spend the next two years working hard and repaying everything including having
to pay my school loan the worse part was that noone would let me rent places or buy cars that
were good so I was left having to go to low grade dealerships and rent from private owners
often and noone wanted to hear my sob story and I felt like I was being treated like the one that
did all the damage on my credit history and was this only one to blame I also was treated like I
didn't pay my bills and that crushed me because I knew it wasn't true but nobody believed me , I
heard of the life on a boat has a worker how it will be how much money we would make and
since my training at FCNH was associated with Steiner I knew this could be a adventure of a
lifetime but after I arrived and attended the interviews that were in front of 500 person in a
conference room where you would grab a microphone and tell them why you taught you could
be the best therapist and all your previous experiences you have and place you have visited in
your life, it was very special we were wearing theses $200 uniforms our hair and make up all
done perfectly and here I was making my little speech in front of this large crowd , it didn't last
very long but I did ok. Unfortunately things didn't turn out so good after that, I was drug and
raped but wasn't aware of it then, I taught I just went out with a guy during our free time at the
hostel we stayed at but I vaguely could remember going to bed with him, I remember drinking a
really really good tea with lots cream and wipe cream and lay my back for a minute and waking
up early morning in his room and running back to my share bedroom with two other girls, they
didn't say anything but others did and it didn't look so good for me, we had class training with
lotions and body wrap menus to remember all the things we needed to do on board for clients ,
their lotion lines was Aveda so we needed to learn everything they were offering and we had to
pass practice exams in order to move on to the next thing, we even had to come to class with
lots of make up and all dress up to make a good impression but it appears that I didn't have
enough make up on my face or my hairstyle wasn't good enough so I would need to find people
to help out and then came the sales training and after everything we learned related to body
therapy techniques the sales training was focus solely on selling their creams, face cream,
wrinkle cream, foot cream and shampoos and massage creams or get people to buy gift
certificates, I felt pressure to become a sales person and I wasn't too much into that and on top
of that I just realize my previous boyfriend cheated on me and I was in pain, I couldn't breath
and concentrate or even sleep, I made a few girlfriends there and even met some french ones
that were going in the cruise, all skin care workers, hair dressers, sale managers and massage
therapist had to do the training in order to start working, I was probably dumb at the time
because I decided this wasnt for me and after going to Spain for interviews, England for training
and all the paperwork and time to get there I wish I just give it a shot, I was sure they would
overwork us and just use us to make sales and I I didn't see myself becoming a sales woman. It
felt like it was running me off my profession, the job I was here to do but if I had seen the whole
picture I would have realized I could have learned something new, get a great experience and
make good money too.

Chapter 9)
For the next few years until I couldn't practice has much due to chronic pain on my palm and
thumb areas ,I would reduce my hours until the point I'll just be able to do a hour or two a week
because the pain was very strong and ways gets activated if I did more than 30 at a time, I tried
everything for years to prevent this and use ice and did meditations and exercises but they were
time when I was given very strong and thick people that needed very deep massage for
sometime 90 minutes straight and since I focus a lot on sport massage and was really
appreciated in this world I overly push myself and end up injured in the long run, I would get
nausea if I tried to do too much, like I had develop arthritis at 28 I was fed up with it anyway and
needed to explore new careers so while still doing a few massage here and there I tried to
become a lifeguard a few time but failed to show up on the last day, I attended two airline
schools and two event planner and tourism school and receive a A list on the oresident list for
my original ideas for event planning, got into fitness training online but didn't finish it completely
but I did learned a lot and practice everything i knew and became really good at it, I then
attended a group fitness instructor training and completed it but failed this exam because I was
so stress and got lost on my way there and it took me three hours to arrive and the night before
I couldn't sleep. Got a flagger certificate in Nevada, a health food license in Washington, a court
translator license in Washington, did some child care courses with Dcf, attended 35 training on
Alison.edu and received a bunch of certification and diplomas in businesses and human
resources, patient care and art, did 100H of Lynda e-Learning courses through linkendin in
business management, sales, nonprofits and diverse things like acting and public speaking,
pass my USPS exam in Florida but never got hired even know I tried! Did a few volunteer
positions as a mentor in schools, in events, concert, theaters and championships events that
were really amazing experiences. I had been offered a full paid fascial specialist training in
Florida but got scared and couldn't pass the test and find the money to start witch was pretty
ridiculous when I think back because it was $70 I needed and I was so scared and stress
overwhelmed I don't even remember what happened next maybe I felt devastated to lose that
chance and drank more. Got into reiki and hypnosis and receive a certificate online, also got a
bartender training with books and modules like any other training it actually wasn't that easy to
memorize every single drink combination they even gave us a chart with a the mix drinks and I'll
practice when I got hired has a bartender twice ,once in a tiki bar then a bar serving just beer
and wine and then we use to go to parties that had a long bar and I'll train there too, life was
good at the time. I tried to get my nurse assistant license as well but didn't send all the a paper
needed, got into becoming a EMT and even attended a orientation and bought the book and
learned a little about it, I often would want to get something and gave all my energy to it but then
something will come up and I'll end up trying to get three things at once and things will become
harder to manage until it will become impossible and I'll ever get into something new, feel bad I
didn't get it or try again later, I knew perseverance was in my blood and there is no place for
failure I remember hearing a few time that you can't fail if you don't try so you can't be a failure
even if you keep failing unless you quit entirely. So all this times I thought I failed I wasn't failing
I was getting experience, learning growing and getting closer to better things, the people that
don't do anything are the one that are failure because they seat still and stay comfortable and
talk about others or criticize, theses people are the little minds, if you talk about event you a little
bigger but ideas make you much bigger but now if you implement theses ideas you are getting
somewhere.

Chapter 10)
Here we are in the year 2022 in London with my 12 years old son and I'm 41! Never say never! I
feel old but life as just begun, I mean a new and improved life with scars and more wisdom, my
son he's super excited and decided on all the things he wanted to experiences so we tried to
donit all , just walking by Westminster and the Elisabeth butthingham palace was a delight, I
don't think a day is enough to see everything if you were to visit and wanted to see everything
within the metro distance from A to Z I'll say you LL need a good two weeks and get your tickets
in advance if you can it's always cheaper this way and often you cut the lines but it's also nice to
be spontaneous and just enjoy your days without over planning it, I was always told to plan
when I was young because I always just go with the flow and see where it goes and theses
were the best times I'll feel more surprise and exited when I come across something I had no
ideas was happening and most people always say the best times are usually unplanned, we
walked on London bridge the original one and the new one you see on all major moves like
notjing hills and now you see me or Harry Potter, ride the boat twice, went ice skating, science
museum, art museum near the river bank, visiting this oldest jail in London underground, the
London eyes, abbey, big Ben and ate there delicious pastries, sandwiches and salads, in
London they discount their food in little grocery stores all around so you can eat a shrimp, crab
or lobster sandwich for 75 cens, potatoes salads and any deli food will be discounted and if you
take the bus to go on this outskirts within a few miles of the centre you'll find poorer areas with
malls and plaza and dollar store and normal price store but you can also go to any of their large
supermarket in london to buy groceries for cheap, their large chocolate bars only cost 30cents,
peanuts 50cents, cheeses aren't that pricey so I was really surprised to see that same for soft
drinks and alcohols if you delegate concentration in looking for the lowest price you won't break
the bank. So to me everything was almost new to my eyes apart from big Ben and the Abey
cathedrals and castle that I do vaguely remember, it's absolutely gorgeous out in London
between The Victoria train station to the london eye located on south bank section you can go
throught two bridges , a metro stop or you can take a Uber boat, river cruise or walk all the way
to any end of the pier and cross , I have seen days with thousands of people protesting on
random areas, near one of the largest art museum you'll see a lion water fountain and ice cream
sculpture, so many tea shops and ice cream and fast food, pubs and your gold old Irish
restaurant or British bars, this atmosphere varies it's really mix with diversity of people since
have residents, college students from overseas, tourists and lots of near by Europeans just
coming for the week ends and the majesty crowds, good old business owners that managed
their stores for a lifetime and your usual locals just going out for a pizza a beer and the delice
you find on south bank food and candy shops, from marshmallows, to fudges, to hit burritos,
sausages sandwiches, tacos, burgers or large ham and brie sandwiches. By now I realized that
my memories weren't so good because of the dilemma that happened back then and the stress
and confusion didn't allow me to remember the good and I'm so glad we came here so I could
now appreciate the beauties of London streets, taking the train and metro was a mission itself
they are super large stations and it can get confusing get ready to walk a lot, there often security
and police in most stations and you might want to either buy your round trip ticket online and get
QR code that you scan to go to the gate or use a credit card to tap so when you get squeeze by
the crowd you won't need to waste time and find your bills and change but that can also not be
a good thing if you forget to tap it out and get charge way more that you were suppose too and
the risk of losing it, I preferred buying online and either print my ticket or download on my
phone. You can use the same techniques for your bus trips as well of course if you are here for
more than a month you probably should buy a monthly pass and save. I remember trying to
figure out how to rent a apartment and visit a few but I didn't have the time to find the right place
and get it set up, its ironic it's when I already bought my flight to Portugal that I came a across a
short term or long term apartment system that would have work for me but it was too late and
now I know that so if I had to go back I could use that and stop wasting money on hotels. The
cheapest apartment we're at least $800/month, nothing under unless you were a roommate with
someone. I had looked up a few town up north or south England that were more affordable and
new I knew a guy that lived in Cambria and I saw a few places at lower cost there , I had book
my 6h train ticket and decided to head out so I'll get to see so mething else and just a few days
before I had to go my credit card was block as a automatic fraud system protection because of
some hotel sites that would hack your information, at the time I did t know what was happening,
it cause a great deal of stress, I had to call and verify my identity, resecure everything but
nothing was working, I wasn't able to pay for my stay and had to bother money, I got a scare
and I taught what if I'm going so far away in the country and this happen again and I can't
access money and I'm screwed big time, it's funny when you are calm and clear minded you
can find easy solution but when you are out in the spot you start to imagine the worse really
quickly, I did need to choose the safest path for my son if it was just me I probably would have
gone but with him I couldn't risk it, so I cancel my ticket, lost the entire cost and choose to stay
in London areas, I stayed in Gatwick airport, them Crawley and once when we came back from
Finland tried London Heathrow hotels for a few days. After a month in London I decided to try a
near by country to go celebrate Christmas my first choice was Poland and Iceland but both were
with close for Covid19 or very restrictive on travel and it's seem very difficulty at the time so I
find Finland that didn't ask for much and was pretty affordable to go too, my plan was to spend
three weeks or so just for the holidays since I had never explore this area in my life and it had
snow and near this arctic island sounded like seeing the Santa north pole town would be pretty
awesome, it was pretty cold and awesome, we did the north and the south in less than a week
and the hotel I could afford were so crappy we left and head back to London for chrismas we
visited the Santa villages , did ski and so some deers, bought a snow seat and pulled my kid
through the snow for a few miles, he find a little hill with kids and played there for a while, we
tried and hotel capsule for two days did the Santa village and had a pizza salad buffet at the
train station after I was drop off by the owner that give me a discount and we briefly chatted on
the way, it was new and refreshing but freezing cold out there! We had almost 8h wait before
our night train will show up, so I walked around a lot ,but just five minute outside will freeze your
toes, just like when we actually arrived in Finland, it was dark at 2pm, with this pinkish, purple
waves in the cloud but when we step out to loin for taxis I was swiped by the gigantic freezing
wave I haven't felt in a long time. Everyone was chasing this only taxes that would come by
every thrifty minutes, you literally had to fight to get one and be able to stand outside in the
freezing cold, I cross some french people that seem devastated and couldn't find a place to
stay, I didn't want to be them at that moment that's for sure, it made me feel good for once to
had secure in advance but when I got to the place to my surprise the clerk was a french guy but
he never spoke to me in French and pretended he couldn't tell I was french, the room was a
bunch of bed type capsule with your own light, outlets sockets and curtains, lot more privacy
that I imagine you'll get, a very large Kitchen and a few bathrooms and lockers, it was pretty big,
I saw large crowd of people surrounding tables playing cars and laughing, very lively and
friendly, the coffee was free so I couldn't ask for more.back to the train station, a french family
with five kids were also waiting in the same train as us , I figure they couldn't afford to fly or
drive so they book a train or maybe didn't pay for kids tickets to save money, on occasions
some people manage to not get controlled or cheat the price by pretending to go to a cheaper
stop destination. By the last hour I started to feel really tired, if reading and walking around and
theses kids were loud and vulgar and the mother would just stare at me with a creepy look on
her face, I was thinking God please don't be near me in the train, I guess wishing something
made this opposite happen, out of this entire train witch had at least 30 compartments they
happened to be right behind my chair! So there nearly no kids in this entire train but the one that
screams and cuss are right behind me, I love kids, but that family wasn't normal, the dad was
whispering in the daughter ears and laughing while looking at me and also because I had a
large bag filled with smelly cheese that they could smell. Anyways I just try to ignore the noise
and again put in my earplugs and watch a few movies,surf the web a little and close my eyes
when they start pushing my seats and call me Carlos or Diego, it was hurtful of course and I felt
sick to my stomach that a father will teach his daughter that it's ok to make fun of people and
hurt their feeling,the taught in my mind it's what got me to feel pain, as soon has I formulated a
taught about them and about the situation, a negative taught it get to you in a second, when you
get caught in the Stupids speculation thoughts your mind create you are screwed! The best way
to manage stress, anger or annoyance about anything is not to start ever! You don't allow your
mind to start stories in your mind, in order to keep positive thoughts in a negative situation is not
to enter in the situation at all, ignore, breath and relax and that's it, a lot of time when we get
stress and furious about anything is because we allowed the thoughts to enter our mind. No
thoughts, no problem. Once in Helsinki I filled up on pastries and cappuccinos at this airport and
bought kilos of candy bars in their shop across the train station there a mall and so many food
stores, there almost four floor were i had to spend 4 h with my luggages until I could check in
the new hostel, I made a huge mistake to trust booking services that told me it was in the center
but instead it was so far away, I almost wanted to stop the taxi and tell him to drop me
elsewhere but it's always the same situation when you arrive from a long trip and have luggages
you end up settling with what's plan because the need for rest is greater than anything else, I
knew it was a hostel but with our own room so it wasn't going to be like a hotel but little than I
knew what was coming for me, never in a hundred years would I have taught that it was going
to be hell hostel. At first it seem ok when I check in by a side building with a pool table with a
small older women, she allow me to get in a hour sooner so it was pretty awesome, the room
had four bunk bed and a window view of tree cover by snow, it had a TV but it didn't work, a list
of outlets but the wifi wasn't very consistent but working normally in the first night, my first night I
was so tired I haven't slept in two days almost so around 8pm I fell asleep, and in the middle of
the night some guy open my door, I freak out but didn't think much of it, he seem confused I
thought maybe he was drunk, I made sure to look the door this time, the next morning it happen
again but the door was lock this time, this started to be weird overall. But I was still in really
good spirit so I just notify the host by email and didn't worry , we had our first day there and
things started to get worse, smoke coming out from the bathrooms and showers, the most
disgusting toilet I ever seen, loud conversations on hallways that didn't seem very plaisant but
hostile, then that afternoon I get a email from the host that was threatening and she basically
wasn't saying we need to have a talk about it and that people opening my door and knocking on
it is normal, I taught about it and decided to not even bother I had just a week here so I'll leave
sooner but has the time progress it got so noisy and stressful I wouldn't be able to sleep and the
next day when I finally had fell asleep around 6am, the manager enters my room using her keys
telling me to get up, I was so tired I realize that she would just do whatever she wants and get in
whenever no the purpose of having a lock didn't seem valuable, I intended to just get on with my
day and get out for the day when more and more people keep pushing my door in and I froze
thinking they'll be waiting for us to leave to rob us, I didn't go to all this places in the world with
all my luggages and paying all this fees to end up with nothing at this end, so it was better to
stay in and visit places later, I manage to do a hath day of indoor ski on the way to downtown
and the new hostel started to cause problem I had two choices, endure this abuse and get rid
off or book a $90/night hotel, I taught about doing that but after taxes it was over $130 with
transportations ect, I panic and book a flight back to London instead so my originally 3 weeks
planned trips turn into a week stay, we did get to see a few places and experience the snow and
life here and shop around, I had miss the Covid counter before the flight so I had to sleep at this
airport, that airport was support comfortable and had so much places to go too and places to eat
with the cheapest grocery store you can imagine, just picture a Seven eleven but hath the price
but better quality, so I pack up on food and loaded my son with pounds of and other diverse
chocolate balls and gummy bears, he was of course thrilled, the night was somewhat
comfortable until we reach the last few hours where I find a nice little sofa booth to sleep on and
I got three hours of sleep, when you travel getting 3 to 5 hours is crucial to be able to function
the next day when you have to stay focus, patient and sharp while waiting in lines and dealing
with airlines staff and security check personal. Believe it or not some of these people get off on
people in a bad mood so if you appear just slightly angry or in a bad mood they'll purposely give
you a hard time, so the best is to look neutral neither happy nor angry, not overly nice ever that
can strike unwanted attention. Finally we got on the plane to London Heathrow airport instead of
Gatwick airport for Christmas , it was just ten days til Christmas and I had some shopping to do!
Arriving in Heathrow wasn't like arriving at Gatwick airport at all. This airport is three time larger
and you get list easily and you need to grab a shuttle to differents terminals to lend to the train
station if it's not near yours then I had to take a a few different trains to the bus stop buy more
ticket to get to the hotel that was supposedly near this airport, again big mistakes to focus on
distance because it was a nightmare, walking in the busy buses with all my luggages I was
overlerly exhausted and was about to explode , I had no energy left and the hotel wouldn't pick
up since I had told them my flight was change and I was arriving a day later, I email and called
and when I got there they acted as they would help just to tell me they had to charge me $90 for
the missing night, Premier in in London center or Gatwick area were fine but this one felt like a
ghetto just entering it felt scary you could hear people fighting outside, I stay kind and polite and
five young black and Mexicains staff just stood there laughing and call me crazy out loud, and I
lost it and started to cry, here they where doing nothing but getting up to their job they didn't
even do and me who slept in Finland airport, spend 5 H between lines and transportations and
also all the extra steps like carrying luggages and figure out how to get there and I don't have a
right to get upset that I'm getting charge $90 even know I had called and email in advance and
was ignored not only they were calling me crazy because I called but because I was mad, it's
like saying you crazy because you weren't scare to call and try to work something out, it was
obvious to me it was the kind of place that abuse their customer and don't even pickup the
phone, the large women with lots of make up and long nails keep calling Mama and keep asking
about my son it was grotesque that she was trying to playing game with a client that pays $90/
night, I was so tired I just got the key and went to take a bath, I had the worse two nights there
and wasted money I then complain and they didn't care and put the blame on me. So don't go to
terminal 4-5 Premier inn in London Heathrow, everyone should be fired there. But what can you
do if the owner is a creep abuser? He will hire people like him so good luck trying to change this
ethic in this place. When we went back toward Gatwick I got a two week stay in a place called
Little Fix in Crawley just 4 miles from Gatwick airport. It was a very charming country hotel with
lots of greenery around, little old and rustic inside and it was missing a livelihood atmosphere, it
was beautiful but dead. I saw small foxes and rabbits near by the forests, horses and cows were
almost everywhere and many farms and mechanic or carpenter shops around, just a mile or two
you had a plaza with all the store you needed and the bus to get us to London center when we
needed, but I usually always took the train from this airport witch was much faster and this
express was twice has much faster that other ones too. I enjoy just smelling the grass and
watching people walking their pets, people on bicycles and just being in nature it remind it me of
my childhood all this hours spent walking in trails, Forrest or dirt road or riding my scooter in the
corn field, all through my life I walked into trails, Forest trails or mountain or valley paths,
beaches just to enjoy the beauty that mother nature give us a place to reflect and reconnect with
our soul, getting lost in trails sometime wasn't ideal but finding my way out was so much
satisfying, I have this long memories of long walks in my lifetime and when I didn't have the
nature near me I walked the cities from A to Z you'll see me walking this entire town like I was a
car, I always super fit but these last year I had try to figure out what's wrong with my body and
why I keep feeling like a burn and itch feeling on my left hip groin area all the time, I have my
foot that swells every time I walk, my leg that froze and my low back that get stocks and last
month. I couldn't even move my left leg until I took some nerve pills for a month but they were
pricey and now I need to figure out how to get a MRI and ultrasound and come to the bottom of
this. Today in Alvaro Obregon Mexico it was a hot day but it rain heavenly around 3pm on our
way back from little Caesar and Walmart, this is the third Airnb and this one is in a larger city
that has lots of Americans fast food and stores , Walmart looks like a Walmart but with
Mexicains bakery, Mexicains drinks and staff including the choice of food isn't the same at all
and not that much cheaper than this is, any USA stores located in Mexico are usually just about
a $1 cheaper on items only, not a big difference but actually very expensive here when you
compare to other local shop. You can pay $1 for a kilo of tortillas but can't find a loaf of bread
under $1.60 witch is kind of expensive, the cheese here is super pricey almost double what we
pay in this US so you don't buy cheese, same for chocolate and candy bar they are expensive,
and electronic is outrageous apart from phone chargers or headsets everything starts at $70 for
a tablet and $300 for a laptop. So yes Crawley and near by village are very nice and more quiet
that London but if you taking transportation to get around it will take you all day to get around
unless you stay nearby, during that time we went back to London four including on Christmas
eve, it was so lovely and beautifully decorated something that you need to see in your lifetime,
everywhere you could find singers and musicians and outdoor food stands that smell A+ good,
when we did. Ice skating just a few days before Christmas people were fighting just to get in,
you go around this giant tree and lights and music made it fun for everyone, thirty minute just to
get a coffee or hot chocolate, the science museums with the live interaction games was fun to
do and my kid got to ice skate a few time with a group there, the river cruise with the guide that
tells you everything about this history of London was a great experience totally worth it and
grabbing hot pralines from the street vendors also worth it, often you'll see hotdog stands for $9
and then walk a little further and find some for $3 so it's always worth looking at everything, old
CD, postcards can be found on south banks, the best restaurant and pubs, theaters and cool
spot on terrace overview of the river, I mean you can definitely find something you like to do like
walking in the small beach or bring your kids to the skate park or candy shops, bookstores ect..
Christmas was perfect!! The day before I had bought all the best dio, chips, bagels, steaks and
desserts and wrap up all the gifts and everything was all set up for Chrimas day, when
Christmas came we had fish and chips and chocolate mousse, the best cheeses platters and
my son had all he wanted and more, that day we went to eat at a burger place in the plaza and
brought back some ice cream and he played in the field of grass for a little. He got use to the
fast life with walking a lot and moving to places so everything isn't that disturbing to him
anymore but he learn about the countries and their density, population, surface area and what
they known for mainly, I notice he got into geography a lot and could sing you this list of all the
countries in the world within less that three minute. He also knows all the fact and all the main
continents, states in USA, Europe country names ect, I bought a geo map game and we played
it for a few months , he also live to sing and can easily remember lyrics so he didn't pick that up
from me because I was never good at this. We kept contact with Grandma from time to time
during our tour just in case of big problem but overall everything went ok, apart from our
passports stolen in Mexico and the credit card blocked in London and the scary taxi driver in
Costa Rica and the people in punta Cana who tried to get in and in Finland but apart from that it
was fine. Lol. So a few days left and we wrapped up and said goodbye to London for good and
flew to Portugal for new years eve ! We arrive in the morning in the large airport of Porto, again I
had to adjust to the currency but this time it was euro which is less than pounds in England, so it
usually take a day or two when you keep going from country to country, I couldn't get my phone
to work when we arrived so I grab a cab to the hotel I find within minutes , I had no idea what to
expect at all! I hadn't been to Portugal since I was 17, all the people I knew in my village in
thoiry from Portugal always talk about it so much and that's how I knew most of it, I didn't go to
a party spot like when I was 17 but a really big city with water close by but you had to drive
almost a hour to the beach, Porto was great I loved it, low prices very good food but the
mentality is a little low and sick and make you a little uncomfortable, lots of homeless there and
smokers and drinkers like in France. Being here did. Brought me back home and was very
familiar to me. The thing about certain countries is that the food is so good you can't stop
thinking about it, but I stayed away from restaurants and just picked up my sandwiches and
gyros and went to grocery stores. They were all freak out about Covid there just like in France,
super strict and I needed a test just for hotel stays or places to visit, when I got one done under
a tent the women inserted the stick so deep my eye cried and she laughed, they also stare at
people a lot and call people name a lot here, at my hotel I heard strange noises and the front
desk were constantly changing and look under this influence, the owner and his wife just seat in
a room and watch the cameras all day, the store are always pack with security guard and they
often treat you like a thief, it's scary you are being followed and watched a lot, so you better not
steal a thing or you LL never hear this end of it, there also lots of people that like drama in the
city and they like to cause it too so that part of Portugal wasn't attractive but the history, the
flower pots, tiles painted by hands and cooking pots or wines are something to get. The water
bridge, the musicians and restaurant by the water are packed, lots of people seat in the port and
enjoy the music, we scroll down daily and kept going to long Rocks like spiral stairs that will
bring you to new hidden spots over the hills of the city , big status, sculpture, violinists, watching
the crows flying away from this horizon, it never ended, and huge hills to climb at times but well
worth the view, very animated day and night.

Final chapter:
I knew I had to renew my passport soon and I taught of doing it in France but I figure it would
have been complicated and it was maybe easier to go back to America to it so I wouldn't end up
stranded somewhere, it wasn't the best idea I had overall because my trip to America almost
cost me hath of all the money I had and more that my entire world tour I had some spent
already, I had no idea what was going to happen but I don't regret my son being able to see his
grandparents and cousins for two weeks in Florida, however I could have renew my passport in
France and keep moving but it's too late now, so after the new year even we moved to the
center and got a week in a place and two week in a other really close to each other, Portugal is
very rich in culture and architecture, the McDonald look like palace here and some stores are
actually expensive but there thrift stores where I find clothes for $2 and came home spending
$30 for lots of great quality clothes, I always got Expresso in the coffee machine outside and
just seat by a main area and relax, there lots of cute gardens to explores and very old trees to
see, I find a way to get a cheaper ticket to us by passing through France for a hath day it
allowed us to see this effel tower and this arc de triomphe, we took the bus from beauvait to
orly, went to a mall and even took the metro, I got to speak my own language all day and being
understood right away, it was wild but refreshing, not everyone was cool and friendly of course
but I felt at home for a little bit, the evening arrive and we got on the plane to New Jersey, when
I got to New Jersey airport it felt hostile and crazy immediately I took a bus from this airport to a
terminal and a group of young security guard just insulted me because I touch them with my
luggage by mistake, I couldn't believe what was happening, then a women stop and stare and
laughed at my face while on my tablet for no reason, it was so crazy and since I had been gone
for a while I had forgotten how people were in us airport but it didn't take long to resfresh my
memory, theses americain that are entitled and don't travel outside America very much think
they better than everyone and they act rude, judgemental and dismissive to others and abusive
they have so much power with their money and statut that they don't care to push boundaries
and be disrespectful to anyone they do that in a daily basis, their inner narcissism is incrusted in
them like blood, not all americains are this way thank God just some, anyways so it was late
and has a mention in previous chapters I booked a place that was ghetto, got screwed of $240
and had to waste $50 in taxi and head back to sleep at this airport it was minus 40 outside, I
had the worse night this airport wasn't quiet and no chair to sleep on, the next day I find a place
for two night just to wash up and sleep I tried to rent a car to head out to Pennsylvania but
couldn't get any so decided to head to Florida much sooner that originally planned , it was the
first week of February and arrived in Orlando on time exhausted, I felt like I hadn't slept in days
we then had to take a two hour bus to Tampa to meet grandma that pick us up later, two weeks
in Florida was great I got my tan back, did all the things I usually do there and enjoy riding my
fancy rental car everywhere, I desperately try to get a temporary cheap car but impossible to
find in such a short time, I wanted to stay longer and save on rent and transportation but no luck
there so it try to find rentals but prices were up the roof so I give up and after lot of stress I
decided to change my destination from Alaska to Texas because I heard Alaska was very pricey
and very cold in February and I could go later, I had told myself if I ever stay in America it would
have to be totally different so Alaska seem like it would work for me, a new uncharted territory
but if I wanted to afford it I would have to start in the cheap neighborhood and I wasn't to The
thrill of going to the war zone after achieving a lot that year would have been going back in time.
When I arrived in Florida I was so satisfied and super confident of all I accomplished after
seeing my parents I lost some of that confidence but I got it back later. I'm sure you all know
how it can be. After I got to Houston Texas I managed to find the cheapest but decent hotels
called Oyo. It's funny that I never knew about this until I got to Texas! Texas wasn't that bad, I
wasn't in a great area at first but just seeing my good old american store I miss was great, so I
forgot about everyone around me and felt great for a good two weeks until I realize the people
minds around me were filled with garbages and hate not joy and satisfaction like I was feeling,
anyways we had a huge trail by us called George Bush trail, I enjoy walking too daily, we did the
fairs the trampolines the go-karts the gaming arcades, the Goodwill's and Walmarts etc
immediately you see the dissection of people and feel racism in America compared to all the
place I went too, next most people don't realize what they have here and don't seem happy at
all but angry and a little insane. After a month here I switch to another area and planned a trip to
Austin a few time but every time I got to hertz rental car they didn't have cars and I got tired if
paying $20 just to get to them, this other places wanted a credit card or charge $200/day, I just
wanted a day or two but that wasn't worth to argue with nonsens, I wish I did got a car to at least
go to Galveston fairground I decided to go by bus and Uber but my son didn't want to do the
long bus ride, often I had to change things to make sure he would go along too and not resent
me. I often had to leave stuff behind when transiting and sometime things would get stolen by
housekeepers or I'll forget them, I got the last Oyo hotel near this Houston airport for a week,
that week I got my food stamps accepted and loaded in food , we bought the best food for the
trip, ate like royalties for a weeks sn did a lot of Amazon orders ship to our room, I had to buy a
better luggages mine started to look beat up so I left the old one behind even know it was still
good but I needed a larger one so I find this amaizing luggage in a marshal, got orgonised and
after weeks visiting apartment in Houston nothing pick up, even I really tried, I wanted to breath
for six months at least but it wasn't happening and I couldn't keep paying hotels, so I choose
Costa Rica and figure I'll give it a shot for six months, the flight were very cheap and it wasnt
that cheap there and that great when I got there, very stressful and loud but animated, and lot of
things to do and see, the sidewalks are super slippery I remember it rain a lot and you'll fall
often and we did so often it got scary, after I find out it was three month tourist visa and not six
months I look for possible countries near by for longer stay and cheaper stay and saw
Gwatemala first, witch brought me back in my 20's I spend a entire month with a ex boyfriend
there living the life of real gwatemaliens, washing in rivers, eating from wood fire, sleeping in
sheds with no electricity, drinking coffee and eating lots of pastries, walking the pets on
mountains, guiding children's to trails, dancing, eating from gigantic pots during Sunday and
holidays, having parties and I never forgotten the new years eve celebration with all the mask
parade spectacles and the markets, this was the time of my life, I wrote poetry about it, swim in
volcano sources, eat from the fire pits and wash my dishes with soap, it was like going back in
time, for a few days the women's dress me up, did my hair and we walked to streets of
Gwatemala, we used to play with dogs by the river and walk miles back just to bring back the
wash clothes and water. I even worked in the corn field for two days. What an experience. We
visited their friends' jeans shops that wanted to save money to make it bigger one day, they all
had so many dreams and aspirations and my boyfriend was working hard in America just to
send money to his family and to buy his future house there. I saw that it was much smaller than
Mexico but only allowed you to stay three months again and I needed at least six months so at
the last minute I choose Mexico just because I knew it was popular to us citizens, it wouldn't
cost much and I wouldn't have to rush out and also it was cheaper than Guatemala because
Guatemala had become more attractive to tourist in the last twenty years and the prices went
up, the flight cost was the same as a matter a fact we stop in Guatemala before we head out to
Mexico, I can't remember the last time I did a stop drop off connection on a plane, it has be a
long while. When we arrived in Mexico it was much larger and modern that I imagine, lots of us
shops in this airport and lot of guards, this airport was immaculately clean and very long, I had
no idea I could just walk out and cross a street to a hotel witch I would have done or try if it had
been early in the day, I heard so many negative things about Mexico I figure it would be
dangerous to try not being certain to find something, they had no outlet anywhere and the wifi
was very poor so I couldn't figure it out and find hotel or get toy Uber app, I remembered what
happened in New Jersey when I book a room late a night and this time I wouldn't risk it, so I
decided to stay still and rest and that around 6 am we would get a taxi, but just a few hours pass
and my zip bag disappeared with all my paperwork, vaccines cards and brand new passeports, I
was so mad when I realize that they were hotels across the street the next day, I reach out to
guards and police officers, walk to the list and find room that was closed to get the number, I left
voicemails left and right and filled out forms online, the next day I call this airport on multiples
occasions but they never saw anything. I spend a good two weeks dealing with reapplying to get
a passeport appointment and even get new passeports photos done and get everything ready, I
emailed but I kept getting automatic emails stating unless I had a real emergency I wouldn't
work, I walked to this embassy in hoping to see someone and they wouldn't even let me inside
and when I called their emergency numbers they put me on hold and hang up, their is no way to
get appointment within the next year, I don't understand this!! They telling you to keep checking
but it's always the same things, no availabilities, so I figure what can I do? Take a cruise that
doesn't require passeports, go back by land? Perhaps this only way to go back. It mess up all
my plans to head out to Aiijic in a foreign community where I could have start a reiki, hypnosis
and massage practice and be right by chapula lake to swim often. I heard many good things of
this community and couldn't wait to give it a try. Having to worry about overstaying in Mexico
made it harder to get my life started and get a longer term apartment here in Mexico, at first I
taught I'll wait a few weeks to see how fast this embassy can help me, so after my two weeks
hotels I book a month and got into getting things done, when I realize nothing was moving along
and I had four and hath months left I had to decide if I head out toward Jalisco near chapula and
try this embassy there instead but instead I applied online and didn't see any response so I
figure it would be the same and after learning about the gangs and danger rating of Jalisco I
figure getting in countryside of Mexico city could be safer at the moment, so on my next place I
pick something even further away in Tluhac, after Zapolatain stay and then taught about at least
getting to see some of Mexico and heading to Oxacala that was nearer to beaches but it was
getting myself even further from any borders so I didn't book anything and just got a new place
closer to Mexico city downtown since it would bring me closer to the border of Mexico and
Texas. So here I am! Last week I celebrated my 42th birthday!! Here in this new place getting a
manicure some Mexican dish, coffee, had a good laugh with the other roommates and even had
lunch in a fancy burger place, read my Facebook and social birthday wishes and could affirm
that it was a successful birthday! Everything I had been wanted for a long time just happened on
that day, long fun chat with other tourists and fun and feeling whole, the lady that did my
manicure was so sweet we even share a few laughter, the people around are very sweet in
exception to a few that aren't well in the head. The stress of sharing a place brought me to
reach out more to people, start working daily and finish this book so it's not overall such a bad
thing. I'm blessed and grateful for everything we have and I wish I could give more and do more
for others that deserve it. We have a lovely park and many shops around but of course it doesn't
feel like home but it's a place to stay and sleep and take showers and eat. I also had this honor
to get accounted with a philosopher online John whiting and been offered all his online video
classes and that has started to bring my moral up and boost my energy, sometime people come
to our lives for greater good and right now I'm so grateful that his program course came to mine
and will help me through my challenges.
I can't believe all this happened!
Has previously mention my passports and documents were stolen and trying to reach this
embassy for quick appointment is a mission in itself, so after multiples calls my option to exit
united state without passeport we're smalls, I had to either find a exclusive cruise trip that allows
you to get off in different port while visiting or drive the border or take the bus or take a Uber and
walk it but first I needed to get closer and I was in Mexico city so next stop will have to be what I
could afford so I choose Tampico so I could be by the beach and also spend a month more and
then head out to Matamoros, thank God I didn't go straight to Matamoros it was a jungle there.
Little than I knew price were up there on everything and it didn't feel like I was in Mexico
anymore but in America in a Spanish city, it was wild to see the transition one day I'm in Mexico
the next I'm in between witch was filled with large building, shops and expensive stores, of
course not more than this US and still cheap but more that I was accustomed too for the last
four month. I lended in Tampico in the middle of the night after a few hours of sleep on the bus
that was surprisingly extra comfortable with plugs, ac, lights, clean restroom and a movie
playing with really good sounds. It felt like being in a theater, the drive was very pleasant . We
slept by the inside entrance where others were laying down and waited for the morning to come.
To my surprise it wasn't small or in the middle of nowhere but in a giant city and I walked out
and saw hundreds of stores and hotels, lots of cars going up and down. My hotel was literally by
the circus and in front of the bus station, after spending three hours trying to get the best deal I
ended up paying cash and losing $8 in atm foreign fee just to find out later that other atm were
only charging $3 but you learn as you go. Always remember when you travel to unknown places
the people you cross have no idea where you have been or where you going and if you are a
foreigner so if you don't look the part you'll fit right in, don't look lost and don't look confuse and
no one will bother you, don't overlook at places or people and say hi to everyone that come
across your path that will definitely rise a red flag for exploitation. The sidewalks were crickets
and hath broken and I had to carry luggages to McDonald that was two miles up the hills while
waiting for check in time, it was rainy and slippery, theses times can and will ways be the
challenging time but knowing a place to sleep is awaiting for you makes the journey easier, not
having a place to seat, relax, wash up and sleep would make the stress much higher and the
experience unpleasant, you always need to make sure you get to sleep a minimum and stay
away from being rob, harass and aggressed. It doesn't take long for aggressors and thieves to
see if anyone is in a distress situation and they won't let go of they know you have no back up. If
this happens then head inside a hotel, stores and get lost in there for a short time to escape the
predators or speak to security, managers and they will be long gone, never stay astray by
yourself and run away from civilization you always want to be seen, camera, security, police and
strangers can be your witness if anything were to happen. So my hotel was very basic and look
really old and tempered with, it had holes in the bathroom, no toilet seat, crack paint and the
sink wouldn't poor water at time, the shower was mainly cold and will stop running a few hours a
day, no wifi or TV provided either but a really nice large fan and a large window that open and
you could watch all the night activity from it and feel the fresh breeze coming in at night after a
long sweety day, after walking in the heat for hours and carrying luggage and little sleep any
bed will do, so when I open the door if my room I just lay in the bed facing the fan and fell
asleep, and my son as well. In Tampico we got to see a circus, visited lots of mall, big grocery
stores with many pastries and salty to go food varieties, coffee to go was the thing for me and a
few cheese or meat pastries, pizza slice or already prepared meal under $2 in their Walmarts I
got to try a few of their traditional meals this way without having to pay triple and being sick you
will always have more wash and clean up food in Walmarts that any other places in Mexico.
When I do eat food in small places I find myself sick afterwards. Not that the food wasn't
delicious. Believe me when you see the food stands you want to try everything in Mexico. It's
very appealing and smells really good. Most croissant or bakery items are 35-55 cents and
coffee 50 cents or 75cens in more expensive places, I went to the beach by using Uber it was
so dead just of tiki tent and long chairs with two or three drunks or couples from us or other
foreign countries, I saw huge crabs, iguanas and try out the water and walk along the beach, a
little further away I could see hotels and more people but not many persons in the water, it felt
like the locals were not enjoying the beaches anymore. In my way back my wifi went off and I
was short on cash to get a taxi, I saw one right by the shop near the exit but didn't have enough
so I walk some more to find a wifi spot but there wasn't much around, I had to walk three miles
to find a park that had it and finally got a ride back, it's funny how just finding wifi can save you, I
was red like a tomatoes, was super thirsty and wanted to give up and suddenly I'm seating in a
really cool air fancy car and back in no time. Thanks Uber and Google direction for existing.the
staff were nice ladies in their forties like me, I can tell they enjoyed us being here, maybe it was
refreshing to get visitors since they didn't look like a place foreigner would stay at, I saw a few
better hotels many of them wanted $39-40/night with I can get 2-3 night for that with my hotel in
Central, being able to buy more stuff, rides, experience and food is more important than having
TV,wifi or even ac, I survive without ac for four months it wasn't going to kill me. We walk day to
McDonald for drinks and wifi needs and I'll go around the plaza and return a hour later to meet
with my kid, he didn't want to do much but okay games and watch videos and eat, he did draw
and play game with me that weren't online a few times a week, I transform him into a
chameleon by swinging so many countries in a year and traveling so much he started to look
universal, I guess universal look would be accepting all cultures and values and accept all. His
Spanish was improving but not by a lot, mine was getting a little better. What I learned more is
their way of living and thinking and overall attitude and traditions in Mexico while living abroad.
After I search for more place I couldn't find anything reasonable so I extended my stay
here and just enjoy our time until it will be time to head to Matamoros witch we did and
spend a afternoon at north terminal bus station eating fast food after a hour Uber ride,
uber cost me $4.50 for 20 miles , I lined up a few time now they wanted a passeport that
I didn't have but copies I eventually manage to get tickets for the night bus and we left
around 8pm the bus was 30 minute late, again a very fancy comfortable bus, we had for
yourself almost, you could lay using both seat and sleep really good, we arrived around
6am in the tiny bus station in Matamoros who was super hot and traffic was scary there.
I couldn't cross the street, no toilette unless you had change which I didn't, every single
taxi driver I cross trying to see me a ride, can't find a hotel under $25 for the night , I was
going to give up on finding a cheaper hotel and go get the money when I find one for $20
in the fourth floor facing the bus station, I waited till 2pm meanwhile walk back and forth
trying to get some drinks and coffee. My attention span was going crazy and I had a
hard time racing with the heat. I wasn't sure which bus to take to cross the border and
wasn't quite ready to head BK to us so soon, I had imagine staying a week at least but
the hotel prices were not low enough and my money was running out, I hadn't been able
to sell my house in Pennsylvania yet witch I was hoping to do before I returned. I spent
time searching for sellers and sites and put it out here. It has been two years and sti
can't sell it. I reduced it to $900 and put it on craiglist and still can't sell it. I decided to
focus on other things and maybe go back and get a license in skin care or get my pilates
teacher certification and register for my real estate exam when back in Florida, I still
needed to get my fingerprint done which was over $100 something. The hotel actually
had AC I couldn't believe it, living in 90 degree sun for four month without it and
suddenly feeling was wild and made me sick the next day, got Chinese and
sandwiches, drinks and sleep the night away and crab the next morning bus the next
day, I was apprehending if we were going to be able to cross the border without
passports, but we did no problem , I also was eager to see what a mexican/US border
look like, long road with police, state patrol barbwires and bridges, you look underneath
you see acres of grassfield land space and you wonder if some sneaky Mexicains are
hidden below. They slow down and the line took a while in the Greyhound bus, we step
out and we t through custom and baggage check and the officer only ask ONe question
and saw my id and let us pass, it was so easy and I had zero problem, I wonder now if I
should have stayed longer since I still had a month left over before my visa expired,
knowing us prices are too the roof!! Oh well what's done is done and we can only move
forward dwelling in the wrong choices isn't going to help, if we accept good and bad
choices on any giving situation we can keep moving low good or bad choices to be
learning experience and new opportunities, even in the bad choices they might be
opportunities if you look closely and watch for it, but you gotta take the be ready for them
or they will split away fast. Once in Brownsville I knew my Mexicain days were over and
here we were back in the USA again!! But it didn't feel quite like this, it was a different
world of visitors and immigrant crossing or struggling to survive or old retire that chose
the town to start a small business. This cute town of Brownsville was actually nice to see
and offers a feeling of inclusion, old America and authenticity but it is populated mainly
by Mexicain and a few business owners and of course more americans has you step
away from the border, in the bus station witch was also a small shopping plaza with a
few booths and fast food restaurant it would close at 10pm had really strong AC running
and overly crowded to the point that people were laying on the floor, sleeping by
payphones, bus benches and lot of immigrants use is has a home during the day to plug
in and wash up and then sleeping groups right outside in the next few benches , it was
like a homeless immigrant free open camp, they have a coalition and food pantry a
street across the station which allowed them to nourish themselves, I could tell just from
glancing at them that they had it ! Their eyes were glowy type like someone who did acid
and drink red bulls at the same time, some of them were just looking for change or stuff
left by garbage cans or just someone that could help them, others just watching TV but
overall they were bored to death and not well, they felt inferior having to live like a cows
troup wouldn't feel good for anyone, they didn't seem too aggressive but a few seem
cold and little insane and I think everyone would be if they had to endure this type of
living situations. After a afternoon there and finally getting a chance to use my food
stamp card for the first time, I walk to WiFi spot since they didn't have any to figure out
the next possible move, I wanted to try to stay in shelter for a week or two and then
move along since I was two weeks early but there shelter didn't seem adequate for us
and too crowded so I book a bus ticket to San Antonio for the next morning and hop we
went, we had a pleasant ride and when I step out of the bus and put on foot on soil in
San Antonio I could finally say I had return to America!! Oh America is a promising land
of freedom !! Or is oh America promising land of captivity! America isn't very much a
place of freedom like it used to be, there is more freedom in Europe or South America,
India, Asia than here in the USA. So in a instant I was exported to this good old America
with skinny wash up blonde women bus driver with tattooes all over her arms that
scream vulgarity and get off of people's misery, a old volunteer couple that seat at the
station and try to scare people away that are poor, a mean and cruel agent that watch
you over his computer screen and overly analyze you just to see if there is any cracks or
pain in you and if there is they LL come right at you, it is sad to see people living in
theses type of mindset, going days after days, watching others in pain and creating more
just to feel normal. I guess sometimes people can't cope in normal ways and recreating
old traumas make them feel holes. So I was tired but exited to be in a place I never
been, the Greyhound station was minuscule witch I wasn't expeted at all, the town look
really great at night with all the colorful lights and carousel rides and attraction and
restaurants, I was told to leave if I didn't get a ticket within thrity minute so I hesitated to
fly but I didn't feel great about staying in there waiting hours for the next bus, I decided to
head to this airport in case I'll end up having to sleep there, I caught a ride with a haitien
men that listen and carry on a long twenty conversation with me, we laugh and
exchange numbers, it always fun to have someone that you don't know and you get
along right away, I stept in this airport and we settle down behind a wall and slept a few
hours of the night, the next morning we find a table with plugs and free drinks were given
away and snacks, I walk in and out for exercises purposes and kept searching for the
best flight price to Florida but with my luggage it was more that intended so I had to
borow what was needed. The airport was spacious and not to loud and very clean, it had
great stores and there were lots of Mexicain and Indian and Arabic families also sleeping
there, some seem to be struggling as well, I guess airports are a good place to sleep in
case of emergency and I wish I knew this fifteen years ago witch would have given me a
place to go if I ever needed to get out of bad situation, if you reading this out there and
you need to get out and don't know where to go, don't text anyone don't call, use
anonymous search so you won't be gps track by your abuser or stocker and whoever is
after you and go, stay a few days and go to the next airport and spend your days finding
a temporary shelter were you are treated with respect if you can't find any, try train
station open 24h, any place open 24h, get a temp night job just to pay for a room during
the day using airnb, Vrbo, cheap motel and in no time you LL meet the right people and
find a roommate perhaps or a studio you can afford, or buy a car in auction or lease and
sleep in Walmarts, pit stops, rest areas, travel plaza centers, truck stops, hospitals,
hotels parking there is a lot of possiblity of you have a car but all that matter is that you
got out of the situation, and if nothing work try to go to a new state, new country even it
will inspire you, give you new strength new energy and make you forget about the past
and stress. Don't dwell on it, it's gone, it's behind you now. I got a ticket to Orlando!!
Yeah!! In no time we arrive there but IAN hurricane happen and we had to get to a
shelter for a few days so in the small amount of time I got back in this us, I was already
being insulted, disrpected , laught at, called name and all this for no reason, i didn't
approach anyone, didn't not insult or look or judge anyone it's just shows how unwell and
sick americains that aren't happy or bored with their lives are and act, not only that but
they often are mentally ill and challenged and don't even realize it because they remain
around others that operate just like them so as long has they diminish and eliminate the
normal people with heart and emotion and empathy they can feel holes and better, not
all americains operate in a psychopathy way but many of them and it's very obvious
when you were gone for a while and come back, I spend two night next to a old Italian
sociopath that wouldn't stop annoying us and we couldn't move space since it was
crowded, I remember keeping the spirit very high all the time and ignoring him but he
waited for me to sleep to start making noises and loud conversations, his trick his he
wait when you dysharm that how weak he is, he tell himselves that nothing is wrong with
him and will do anything to make you look in deassary so he can reassure himself he is
strong. In his case he was far too gone in his delusion of his actual mental state; it is in
no shape to be repaired and will probably never be, because if someone doesn't see a
problem that means they never would seek help. Because of that I got two hours of
sleep and it was finally time to go!! But let me tell you during the stay and the hurricane
happening, a guy fired and the staff were busy laughing at people in the back for hours
when they realized what happened! They laughed! Then a guy walked in a circle in the
gym with a white shit on acting like the kuskus clan, everyone was freaking out. The
police came and took him away but they didn't investigate or check anyone to make sure
there were no more guns, no announcement whatsoever! It is sad to see a mentality like
this, people laughing at gun shots laughing at people sleeping on the ground or for the
way they look, I remember everyone trying to sleep between 10 to 1am and them being
so loud laughing openly that you could hear everything they were saying and you could
tell they were laughing at people in a sick way, they couldn't stop laughing I guess when
people live in pain laughing at people to strike or cause pain is this only thing that
appease their suffering, it is very sad. We got on a shuttle back to this airport and a few
hours later I got ticket to Tampa by bus, we head on there and waited on the bus, the
ticket weren't cheap and the atmosphere in the Greyhound station in Orlando is pretty
bad and creepy, you wouldn't want to be in there for very long, the bus ride was nice on
this other hand and we got drop off the Tampa Greyhound in just two hours. We waited
for grandma to pick up my son and I was drop off at this airport to assure a place to
sleep while I get everything in order and organize, I hadn't had a chance to really sleep
or think since all the travel and the hurricane, I didn't think I would be able to stay over
two nights really, at first I felt uncomfortable downstairs so I move up and find a comfy
seat with plugs and just got to work on my phone. I Realize everything was close it was
the weekend and I couldn't apply for any help or do much until Monday anyways, so
Monday came and I spend a day out realizing the bus stop were pretty easy and quick
return to this airport to show my absence a little and on Monday still no one notice me so
I decided to stay on my third night, I was at least sleeping, using a foot rest and laying to
the side using a little blanket, when. I wake up it was around 7am maximum and I'll
head to Wendy's to grab a delicious coffee for $ 1.60 and seat outside watching the air
train and planes landing, the breeze was great and it was pretty nice to be there if I say
so, the staff at Wendy's were the best thing in this airport, they saw me morning after
morning and never look at me in a weird way and always show respect and courtesy , I
can't say the same to the help desk or cleaning staff that really seem to be annoyed by
my presence later on. I wouldn't stay long In the morning and leave asap to get on the
bus, while in. Tampa I got to relearn about the city completely , using all the various
buses routes going to all type of places and even riding bikes and scooter in town, I use
this free time without my kid to have a good time, surprisingly I end up landing in two
festival in the waterfront, including a food tasting event, got to ride a slingshot in town,
visit a few museums, basically doing so much more that I would have done if I had to
drive my car and park and pay for parking, the convenience to be on foot and taking the
bus is that you don't need to worry about traffic, tickets or parking tickets or accidents
even. Funny thing I didn't more in the two weeks on foot in Tampa that I even done in
six years living in Bradenton, my conception of Tampa was based on driving by a few
events, TV News, returning from this airport, arriving at the Greyhound or just passing
through the city or going to one specific place, I even got to ride the boat I always want
to ride, attend Halloween screening at the theater and meet a bunch of people, I give so
much food and sandwiches in town during theses two weeks and it felt great, I just
couldn't help helping knowing that I could. I saw smiles and yes sometimes they didn't
care for my help or were ungrateful but I understand why. They don't have good sleep,
good hygiene and for some reason lots of people aren't friendly with homeless people. If
they spend two days in their shoes they'll never mistreat them again. Some homeless
persons are just users and drug addicts, scammer and theses type I wouldnt even
approach, I think most people enjoy Tampa waterfront and downtown because you see
hamacks, bikers and joggers and all type of class happening there, they do have
massive hotels and lots of coffee shops and simple restaurant, taco restaurant and
overprice lunch places but I wouldn't mind trying some of them some day, at this point I
didn't have money to be wasted so I was happy with my tuna and roast beef
sandwiches, croissant, bagels and ice caramel latte at Wawa and Publix, big lot chips
and snacks, pizza from seven eleven, muffins and ice coffee at circle K and fruits and
veggie from Walmart, Walmart usually be a better place for good cheap findings when I
needed little things like socks, shoes, shirts ect, I had not kept too much with me
because I didn't want to carry too much, but has time went I end up getting two bags that
turn into a larger bags because I was cold at night I needed a blancket and pences and
new tennis shoes, my shoes had survive for a year of travel they where Skechers the
best shoes ever! Comfortable and I walked so much in them, they looked completely
destroyed and started to smell even. So on my fourth day at this airport I would try to
switch seats and only go to more deserted spot around 11pm when I'll go to sleep, I
would see one to four person sleeping so I didn't feel like it was just me, some
individuals that look like they came here just to sleep was soothing and made me feel at
ease, before I'll sleep I'll watch a few movies get my phone all charge up ready for the
next day, limit my liquid intake so I don't have to keep walking to the bathroom with bags
and being notice to much but they were time I couldn't help it, and with my nerve
problem and weak bladder it wasnt under my control, on the 6 days so far no one has
approach me and I had receive a job interview from linkendin, the one job I didn't really
care for, but they kept texting to come by so I was intrigue I had a feeling it will be a
dead end, no job hire you right away and get you started the next day but too my
surprise I got in this office and within ten minute she photograph my ids, made me sign
docs and told me where to go the next day, in my situation I couldn't refuse this
opportunity, that day was the day I was going to leave this airport , the next day I had
taught that it had been way too long and tired that each night I just wonder when
someone will tell me to go and not knowing when, was stressful, and it could literally
could be anytime. I was in Shock and couldn't believe it! Since the job was at this airport
now I had at least a excuse to be there but the job was 10 h/days walking miles and
miles and with the lack of sleep and not being able to take showers it started to weigh in
on my health and my legs couldn't handle it, I had four cold sores on my toes, my shoe
started to stink so bad that rental car manager had to spray the car I was driving, I even
had to close my eyes at times, I felt I was going to pass out at anytime, I knew I just
needed to do three days just to give me extra cash and then leave, so in between I
bought clothes but couldn't afford shoes right away so I kept mine until it was over, I did
enjoy riding in brand new SUVs, jeeps, mustangs, sport cars, Mercedes, luxury cars was
lots of fun! And finding snacks and unopened drinks! I got along with lots of people and it
felt good to be good at something, even know I was overly exhausted I was still super
fast and extremely great at the job, with less than 2h training I was doing better that
people sleeping in a bed, driving their car to work, didn't just came back from Mexico by
bus and slept in thres airports, a shelters for IAN and just had spent almost two weeks
skeeping in a chair with two showers at 24Fitness gym and YMCA, but still 10h is too
much and the job is way too much walking for $11/h, the manager wouldn't send checks
or allow for deposit to your bank so I basically had to wait in Tampa for the check while
out of this airport, so back to my 7 days at this airports I had a women buying me coffee
and snack just to chat with me to know about my situation, she was from Puerto Rico
and just wanted to see if I was in distress, she did seem a little odd but without crazy bad
intentions, I then meet a few more people but will keep it short because I didn't want to
loose my sleeping place by saying too much, on the 13th day a guy from Cuba came to
my table and started to chat, we laugh pretty hard and had a wonderful time but after
that things went wrong and I could tell his intentions weren't good ones, I was glad I had
made it to that many days so far, it save me to spend $500 in stays, money I didn't have,
has long has my son was having a great time I knew I could survive being
uncomfortable, I had plenty of food, clothes,bus passes, some cash it was more that
some people have. after the first week I notice the cleaner crew started to surround me
and talk loud often or just stood there or purposely made loud conversation after I fell
asleep, then the restaurant staff will talk loud enough and laugh loud enough so could
hear them even with my headphone on, I tried to move to spot to spot but sometime just
people in this airport could be dushbags and just sit in front of you and watch you sleep,
stare or just wait until you feel uncomfortable and moving and once you move then they
move, once the tiredness caught up to me the negative talks around me started to
become more and more annoying, I knew by the 15th night that this would be my very
last night, I had made it!! 15 nights sleeping in this airport was unbelievable to me! The
next morning at 7am out of the blue a police woman asked to see my ticket, the day I
intended to leave, lol that was weird. I finelly took my geers and said goodbye to Tampa
airport and head out to spend two nights outside sleeping on a bench or behind a bush
in a secure area, I wouldn't sleep in the ground without a towel or blanket, and had my
phone just in case I need to call the police, the key was to find a spot that homeless
people wouldn't be welcome at and wouldn't go, the next key was to not look like one so
you can get in the place without being notice, then once you find it, don't settle right
away wait thrity minute to see how it feels, don't go until the sun is down you have less
chance to be seen and you might not even sleep but watch your back the entire time but
you LL at least rest your body, once you can tell no movement, no security, no fugs or
street people around you can settle down, lay down, dont move don't make any noise
just find a position and put your alarm for 5am before anyone will show up and once you
see noone in sight and noone has seen you then you can close your eyes and sleep.
The worse part of this is I wasted time headed to st pet airport I had three to four day to
wait for the check so I plan to do two night at st pet airport and then then Tampa but it
turn out the st pet airport is very guarded and small and I end up sleeping outside on the
bench but I had company, a other older man was sleeping there and it felt very secure, i
spend a day in downtown st Pet and took the bus to a mall where I find a new spot
behind the cloth donation box, it had a old crib and old blancket in the back so I was able
to squeeze in betwen the two and from the street you couldn't see a thing, the plaza was
just a mall with a parking lot, all store were close so they weren't any people around at
all, but unfortunately that night was super cold, I was wearing a dress and sandals, I was
shivering and freezing all night, the cold make you urinate more too, even if you dont
drink witch made things even more complicated having to get up and pie on the side and
try no to pie on your feet but it would happen witch will make you a Smelley looking
bump the next day, it was the worse night because of the cold but I did get some sleep
witch was what I needed to have enough energy to go on, the next day i head back to
Tampa I find a private office clean enough and deserted, I squat the bushes for the
night, look at the stars watch a few movies, listen to Teddy swims and just tell myself it s
ok you had come across much worse before. The next day I find a spot by another Bush
in the back of a wall and I could feel it was so much warmer and the night was much
better and I finally got the check, if only they allowed me to pick the check earlier I could
have avoid all this, I beg and explain the situation but they didn't care. I was proud to
have being able to make money so quickly in these conditions, I then plan to head to a
shelter in st Pete but when I saw how dangerous it look and their tent city was full I
decided to stay on my own, I find a spot around a giant sign with lot of bushes and slept
the night away, it was cold but the blanket was helping, I left around 6 am that morning,
now I was becoming a homeless expert, or a vagabond expert, it's hard not to look
homeless when you carry bags, your hair look messy and you look tired, you just don't
care anymore , I would go to Publix on 8th st and 1st get ice coffee and pastries and
plug my phone and use it for a hour and then take the beach runner to the beach , I did
this four times which was awesome to finally enjoy the water, take shower feel clean
again, and the vitamin d from the sun was really helping since I lack vitamin d, It would
revitalize my body. While doing all this I get to laugh, make jokes with people I cross, go
to Starbucks, McDonald's, dollar trees for food, Walmart often and sit by the water or just
read a book. I found a little water pawn trail near their library and would just enjoy sitting
there. Little things to see when you find peace are the clouds, the birds and butterflies,
the moon and stars, the things kids see but us adults forget to look at. After st pet it was
time for a big break I head out to a sibling and got a few good night sleep in Bradenton
and did a quick training to make a few bucks, saw my kid and I got a message from the
gig job telling me to come back for two days, so I knew I couldn't stay here much linger
and could make more money, I didn't feel great about staying at this aiport after what
happen, I taught of avoiding it but with the shift it was easier to be there since it was two
days in a row as well, I made it but didn't get to sleep the second night I guess some
guys followed me in this airport and around 1am when I had 1h of sleep and hoping to
sleep until 4am when my shift started and worked 10h the day before, they decided to be
loud and talked about me like I was a ghost, very intrusingly, I had to move and barely
got sleep that last night , the day was fun but the last hours I was dead, I was glad to
leave finelly, I meet some funny characters there, the staff are little pretentious brats but
the workers are really cool people apart from a few mad man's in there. It felt good to
have man's flirting with me. I was told I look much younger which is always nice to hear.
Working in the car wash and parking cars for rental cars made me realize how much
some people have to work to make a living because they don't have the brains to do
something else, this isn't a job that anyone would want to have and would make you
depressed within less than a month, boring repetition, low pay and unvalued employees
by the staff. But someone needs to manage the place and they gotta take what they can
find, its their environment and certainly not mine, working smarter with less labor will be
a better choice for anyone. Lately I was approached by a few author publicists to
interview authors ,out of nowhere, I can't wait to get this interviews and I recently had a
doctor on air on Vanessa's podcast last week, so while all this happening life goes on,
they always say life happen when you are too busy planning it, see if you are bored you
analyze and overanalyze everything and nothing seem interesting, intriguing,
captivation, surprising anymore, when you struggle a little, make yourself busy and work
little steps toward your goals without huge expectation but a good sturdy pace you might
end up in a different lane or come across something interesting or new or a new
direction perhaps. To all readers of this book please reach out to me on the podcast,
comment that you read this book I'll send you all my free stuff and advertise your biz. I'll
even send you a book or audiobooks. This is this end of the book tale the story of my
world tour travel during COVID-19 with my son that started when I was 40, a promise I
made to podcast listener and myself that I will take the plunge, just go for it, I listen to
enough gurus and self motivation talks, dean graziosi, mary morissey , tony r, Mel
Robbins, Ted talks over 200H of dream and goal coaches talking about getting where
you want to go and I knew I was more than ready to do it, this book was also about living
abroad for a few months and learning new cultures, learning how to deal with difficult
situations, to see beauty when no one sees it, to try and attempt to do things even if it
doesn't always work out and to show you that if there is a will ;there's a way, no matter
where you go, has long has you are going, there will be new opportunities. You are not
too fat, too skinny, too young , too old to do whatever you need to do, do it now and get
moving, if you did take my advice in the future let me know what you did, send me
pictures and I'll publish it in the next blog post. Peace Vanessa.
○ This end…