Commonly, it is known by people that the incline of young crime is assigned to aggression in the

trends of the social media.

From my perspective, the top reason of the crime between teenagers is not totally social media.
Because there are lots of juvenile individuals who don’t use social media, even, don’t have
phones. However, the crimes were happened by them again and again. So, in my mind, Media
can not be a reasonable excuse.

One one hand, it depends on the “What kind of social media do they use” and “How often do
they use it” per day. As can be seen, there are some criteria due to determine the potential for
murder.Based the fact that have been inscribed during the year of 2013, the game that had been
created by old psychologist bachelor who got kicked out by the university. The name of the
game is Blue Whale. As written, the main fabric of the game that have mentioned in the previous
sentence is to having 50 instructions that were in need of being completed by teenagers.
Correspondingly, the number of suicided juvenile people were more than 160 until the year of
2016. So, as can be seen, the main purpose of the game was to complete the missions and at the
ned of the last mission, to become suicided. As a result, the bad aspect of using these kinds of
games and media in unhealthy ways is to become damaged.

On the other hand, using social media at an earlier ages can have a good effect on the younger.
There are lots of facts those can be exemplified as a result. In my opinion, People don’t have to
emphasize the bad side of using social media all the time. Because social media didn't invent to
bring their children damaged. on the contrary, the usage of social media makes information
accessible. For example, Thousands of year ago, people travelled for months in order to learn a
piece of information. However, nowadays, people can do the same things, as it depends on just
pushing a button. as it’s visible, we are doing all of them by using social media. Moreover, as
each era has its own demand, this is also the demand of the present era.

When it comes to the question of “How we can remove the bad face of media?”, to my mind,
people who tended to utilize social media have to create a limitation for specific terms in a day.
But How do experts think ?. based on the fact that will be realized in the nearest future, experts
have achieved to the conclusion that they will put a limitation for people who are under 18 years
old in order to make them use it less and in a healthy way. They think that 4 hours per day is
enough for children and teenagers due to using social media. Yet, this rule will be active only in
China but after a while, if it would be reasonable, it will be used for other countries as well.

To summarize, this document discusses the relationship between social media and teenage crime.
While social media can contribute to negative behavior, such as the Blue Whale game, it is not
the sole cause of youth crime. Additionally, social media can have positive effects, such as
making information more accessible. Experts suggest limiting social media use for children and
teenagers to four hours per day to promote healthy usage.

Review:

• In the first sentence, it should be "the increase in young crime" instead of "the incline of
young crime".
 • In the second sentence, it should be "there are lots of juvenile individuals who don't use
social media, and even don't have phones" instead of "even, don't have phones".
• In the third sentence, it should be "So, in my opinion, media cannot be a reasonable
excuse" instead of "So, in my mind, Media can not be a reasonable excuse".
• In the fifth sentence, it should be "On the one hand" instead of "One one hand".
• In the sixth sentence, it should be "criteria by which to determine the potential for
murder" instead of "criteria due to determine the potential for murder". Also, it should be
"a game that was created by an old psychologist who got kicked out of the university"
instead of "the game that had been created by old psychologist bachelor who got kicked
out by the university". Finally, it should be "until the year 2016" instead of "until the year
of 2016".
• In the seventh sentence, it should be "the main purpose of the game was to complete the
missions and at the end of the last mission, to commit suicide" instead of "the main
purpose of the game was to complete the missions and at the ned of the last mission, to
become suicided".
• In the eighth sentence, it should be "On the other hand, using social media at an earlier
age can have a positive effect on young people" instead of "On the other hand, using
social media at an earlier ages can have a good effect on the younger".
• In the ninth sentence, it should be "Because social media wasn't invented to harm
children" instead of "Because social media didn't invent to bring their children damaged".
• In the tenth sentence, it should be "thousands of years ago" instead of "thousands of year
ago". Also, it should be "depending on just pushing a button" instead of "as it depends on
just pushing a button".
• In the eleventh sentence, it should be "we are doing all of these things by using social
media" instead of "we are doing all of them by using social media".
• In the twelfth sentence, it should be "experts have come to the conclusion" instead of
"experts have achieved to the conclusion". Also, it should be "to make them use it less
and in a healthy way" instead of "to make them use it less and in healthy way".
• In the thirteenth sentence, it should be "four hours per day is enough for children and
teenagers to use social media" instead of "4 hours per day is enough for children and
teenagers due to using social media".
• In the final sentence, it should be "Experts suggest limiting social media use for children
and teenagers to four hours per day to promote healthy usage" instead of "Experts suggest
limiting social media use for children and teenagers to four hours per day to promote
healthy usage".
• Regarding your essay's overall structure, it is well-organized, and you have provided a
clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your arguments are well-supported with
evidence, and your ideas are coherent and easy to understand.

As for your grammar, while there are some errors, they do not significantly impact the clarity of
your message. However, it would be beneficial for you to focus on improving your sentence
structure and punctuation.
Band: 6.5