Week 1: 

Intro to the 4 Body Image

Avatars

The Avatars Self-Assessment

1. When you’re getting ready, you’re mostly thinking

about looking:

A. As attractive as possible


B. Like someone who has their shit together


C. Like someone who will blend in


D. However you need to look in order to feel safe


2. When you see parts of your body you perceive as
“flaws” you mostly feel:

A. Disgust


B. Shame


C. Anxiety


D. Hate


3. When you think about your “perfect body” it’s

mostly focused on:

A. Being the perfect embodiment of what men (or

potential romantic/sexual partners) think/want/
like


B. Wanting people to know you’re special and “good”

just by looking at you


C. Making people like you


D. Having conquered it into submission


4.One of your biggest body image fears is:

A. Being rejected or abandoned by a sexual/romantic

partner


B. Someone thinking you’re lazy


 C. Being humiliated, because people were making fun
of your appearance behind your back


D. That if you let your guard down for even one

second, your body will betray you in some way and
put you in harm’s way.


5.Something you spend a lot of time craving or

wishing for is:

A. Secure partnership, abundant intimacy, or toe-

curling sex


B. People’s respect, or a position of high social

status


C. Belonging, community, or nourishing friendships


D. A feeling that you can trust yourself, your

body, or other people


6.You most closely identify as striving to be:

A. Hot or sexy


B. Good or admirable


C. Normal or likeable


D. Logical or in control

7.During sex you are often:

A. Completely focused on your partner’s experience

and pleasure; how your body looks to them, and what
they might want/like/think/feel


B. Focused on your own body shape or size, and

worried that your partner will see something
“unflattering” and think less of you


C. The giver of pleasure, but rarely the receiver


D. Pretty numb and disconnected


8.You often find yourself thinking:

A. That in order to get a partner (or keep my

partner interested/loyal), I have to maintain a
certain aesthetic standard


B. That it’s important to excel at something, to be

in the top percentile of things, or to be better
than “average”


C. That other people know something you don’t, like

they got a rulebook for “how to person” that you
never got


D. That big emotions are dangerous, bad, or

shameful

9.Deep down you really believe:

A. That if I don’t look good enough, I won’t find a

partner — OR — that if I look good enough, my
current partner would spontaneously meet my needs
for intimacy/sex/connection.

B. That there is a sort of organized justice to the

universe — that if you do things right and are good,
you’ll be rewarded, and if you don’t do them right
or are bad, you’ll be punished. 


C. Something about me is different, bad, or broken—

and that if I want to be accepted or loved, I have
to hide that part of myself from people.


D. The world is a scary place and you can’t trust

anyone. It’s every person for themselves, and you
have to protect yourself because no one else will.


10.In your ultimate body image fantasy you imagine:

A. How when you look good enough, you’ll no longer

be single — OR — you’ll no longer feel jealous,
insecure, anxious, needy, or vulnerable in your
partnership(s). Your partner will worship you, and
you’ll always feel beautiful, appreciated, and
loved. 


B. How when you’re thin/lean/fit enough, nobody

will ever be able to question your discipline, self-
control, or willpower. Everyone will admire you and
 wish they could be like you. 


C. How achieving the body you want will make you

feel socially confident and free. You’ll connect
with people and make friends easily, everyone will
automatically like you, and you’ll never feel
insecure or excluded again.


D. How when you get your body under control, you’ll

be more capable of handling pain, and life won’t
feel so scary.


11.Other people would describe you as:

A. Putting a lot of effort into how you look


B. Goal oriented, disciplined, or hard working


C. Conflict avoidant, or a people pleaser


D. Guarded, or independent


12.If someone was to say something negative about

you, they might say you come off as:

A. Attention-seeking, slutty, self-absorbed, or

manipulative


B. Snooty, boring, overly rigid, or a buzzkill


C. Fake, weird, anxious, or socially awkward


D. Cold, awkward, mean, or a bitch


13.You worry a lot about:

A. Someone thinking you’re unattractive


B. Someone thinking you’re lazy


C. Someone secretly being mad at you


D. Someone getting too close


14.You feel most insecure about body and appearance

when:

A. On dates or having sex


B. Surrounded by other people who seem to really

have their shit together and excel at body control


C. Going to events, especially with regard to new

friendships and/or communities


D. You feel vulnerable


15.You’ve spent a lot of your free time learning to

perfect:

A. Your appearance via makeup, hair, and other

beauty work


B. How to eat and exercise to get results


 C. Your ability to pick up on what other people are
thinking/feeling


D. Your ability to numb and suppress your emotions


16.You wonder sometimes why you…

A. Care so much what men (or potential romantic/

sexual partners) think/want/like


B. Can never seem to relax or let things go


C. Struggle with boundaries and self-advocacy


D. Can’t stop scrolling, eating, shopping, or

Netflix binging


17.You tend to compare yourself to others in order to

see:

A. Which one of you is more attractive/desirable


B. Which one of you is more thin/lean/in shape


C. Whether or not you “fit in” here/there


D. If you’re ok and can relax with them, or if you

need to be on alert

18.You’re sometimes really afraid that:

A. You’re just… too much. Too emotional. Too

sensitive. Too sad. Too opinionated. Too much desire.
Too masculine, or too feminine. Too much.


B. You don’t have anything else special or valuable

to offer the world outside of diet, fitness, and
controlling your physique. If you gave that up, you’d
just be doomed to a life of mediocrity. 


C. There’s something wrong with you deep down;

something that would make you fundamentally unlovable
if anyone ever found out. 


D. You’ll let someone in only to have your heart

completely broken, and you won’t be able to survive
it. 


19.You feel most jealous of:

A. Conventionally attractive folks: the super hot

kind of woman you think “all men” want to be with,
or the super hot kind of person you think “all
potential romantic/sexual partners” want to be with.


B. People who have accomplished things that are

extremely impressive; things that require immense
discipline and self control; things that make people
gush about how admirable and special they are.


C. People who seem to be effortlessly and

authentically themselves, oozing confidence, and
connecting with people easily wherever they go;
 those rare compelling, magnetic souls who everyone
immediately wants to get to know.


D. People who seem to have an easy, comfortable,

connected relationship to their bodies; the ones who
talk about “listening to their bodies” as if it’s
easy, who seem to effortlessly identify and express
their emotions, and who eat a bowl of ice cream
without even giving a second thought to the rest of
the pint.

20.When you walk into a party or event, you’re mostly

focused on:

A. Imagining who might be checking you out, and

hoping that they find you desirable.


B. Scanning the crowd for your competition-- who is

a threat to your social niche or status here?


C. Blending in, and worrying about how people might

be judging you.


D. Not getting overwhelmed


The key for scoring:

 A: self-objectifier; B: High Achiever; C: Outsider; D:
Runner
 Journal Questions
1. Which avatar(s) do you most resonate with most so
far and why?
I most resonate with the Runner, I am big into not feeling my feelings.
Also the Outsider, because I generally don't like to be noticed and just want
people to be okay with me.

2. How do you feel about your results from the self-

assessment? 
I feel mostly good, but I did get the outsider by one point and I relate more to the
runner.

What feels true for you? 

What feels not true?

Any surprises or new insights? 

 


3. At the time when your body image issues

developed, what was going on for you
emotionally? 

What emotional need was going unmet, or seemed to be

getting met based on how you look? 

In what ways might you have been using (or wanting/

trying to use) your body to meet an emotional need?

4. Think back to a recent bad body image moment or

day. 


What was going on for you emotionally at the time?

What emotional need(s) might have been going unmet

at the time?



 In what ways might you have been using (or wanting/
trying to use) your body to meet that emotional
need(s)?

5. In what ways might your body image issues have

originally developed in order to:


Protect you?

Help you avoid or cope with something?

Distract you from, or numb, something painful? 

Give you a sense of purpose, agency, or control?



 6. On a bad body image day now, how might your body
image issues be trying to:


Protect you?

Help you avoid or cope with something?

Distract you from, or numb, something painful? 

Give you a sense of purpose, agency, or control?